Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Dating other sociopaths


From a reader asking if it is a good idea for sociopaths to date other sociopaths:

My reasons for thinking we're a perfect match:

1)   Point: We need a challenge; everyone else is just too easy to win over. 

      Personal experience: When friends ask me how I do it, I shrug and say something banal because it is useless to try to explain. I feel that “game” is a skill that is fine-tuned throughout life, and even a lifetime of practice will not be of desired effect unless one already possesses an uncanny knack for reading body language, understanding weaknesses and individual needs, deciphering subliminal clues people unknowingly give off, and minimal emotional involvement. The ease at which I get what I want can actually be frustrating. I usually lose interest right after I acquire my target's complete attention and/or whatever I need from him. As I slowly let it go (so as not to burn bridges just in case I ever need that bridge again), I usually get some sort of a love confession. It’s a nice ego boost, but it honestly annoys me. Maybe it annoys me because it reminds me that I am incapable of feeling anything back. More likely, it’s because I have to waste my energy trying to let him down easy. Yet even more likely, it's probably because it reinforces the fact that I'm failing in my search for another of equal mindset. 

      Rationale: Dating another sociopath would be much more invigorating, as it would be a constant challenge for one another’s attention. As stated in Robert Greene’s “The Art of Seduction”, the most successful couples are those in which both people have mastered seduction. Without this, we get bored. We need a game, and an incompetent opponent is no fun after the first round. 

2)   Point: Save the emotional acts.

      Personal experience: I do manipulate, but I do recognize that if I want to remain in respectable societal standing, I have to play towards the emotions of the people I deal with. In my past relationships, I have had to fake what I am not feeling (i.e. pretend to comfort the guy when he’s upset, force myself to do the whole stare-into-each-other’s-eyes thing, convince him that I feel the same way, etc.) I’m not sure if there are other socios out there that feel this, but strong expressions of love and sadness are the two emotions I feel the most phony mimicking. I can literally feel the insincerity seeping out of my pores. Near the end of relationships my tolerance for such acts fizzles out, and I am accused of not caring…and since I generally don’t, he ends up hurt. While I have never felt sorrow or regret from this, I also do not want to leave a trail of broken hearts behind me. It’s essentially damaging my reputation and whatever connections I might need to make in the future. 

      Rationale: Tending to a lover’s emotions is tiresome and an enormous waste of time. Dating a sociopath would eliminate this rollercoaster of ridiculous emotional performances, and we would be able to live in drama-free harmony. Paradoxically, it would actually be a more honest relationship. 

3)   Point: We are attracted to those who are both book-smart and street-smart.

      Personal experience: I am attracted to intellect and power, and I assume that most other socios are as well. I’d rather marry an ugly but manipulative and successful genius than a sexy-as-hell but dumb-as-a-rock superstar. I saw that you mentioned the 48 Laws of Power. I cannot discuss this book with anyone I know. They lack the ability to see the rules as one entity from which we must derive certain principles, based on what our situation and goals are. I consider craftiness along with the ability to gauge situations and handle them with appropriate tact to be my definition of "street-smart". Lacking this quality is a complete turn-off for me. Being book-smart is also essential for my attraction to another; if I feel that I am capable of getting better grades on a factually-based exam than someone, I can't take them seriously. In my dealings with dating, I have come across only one person who has mastered both areas. I have insincerely told several people throughout my life that I "love" them (usually out of obligated reciprocation); I'm unsure of what my take on love is, but I can honestly say that what I feel for that one person is closer to love than what I've felt for anyone else.

      Rationale: There are plenty of book-smart people out there. There are also plenty of street-smart people. To have both is rare- and those who have both have an edge over everybody else. Most socios are able to recognize this potential for success, for they possess it within themselves. Naturally, we are attracted to excellence. Therefore, we are attracted to other sociopaths.

4)   Point: Being a "chameleon" can only be understood by others like us.

      Personal experience: I change my persona depending on what I need and who I am around. My groups of friends are eclectic and from all walks of life. In the past, when the guy I'm with at the time has met a group of friends who views me differently than he does, disaster ensued. "Who are you?", "You didn't tell me you used to do such-and-such things",  "I talked to so-and-so...I don't even know you", and so on. I am forced to purposely avoid letting my significant other meet certain people or hear certain things, in an attempt to maintain his view of who I am to him.

     Rationale: Who we date is usually a frequent escort. That being said, it is difficult for someone who isn't a social chameleon to get along with more than one group of your friends- or anyone who sees you in a different light than your lover does. Dating another sociopath means that he/she will easily fit into your eclectic groups of acquaintances. He/she will understand the necessity of mimicking and will be able to recognize when it is being done. He/she will also be able to mimick, which eliminates the "why do your friends hate me?" mediation and the "what was that all about?" explanations. He/she will understand that the "you" that you are pretending to be is just an act.

      I could probably continue, but I'll wait for some feedback first. Please do note that I am presenting this from theories I've derived from my own experiences. Also note that I am not referring to full-blown psychopaths, sadists, or those that might only date to extort things from/harm the other. Rather, I am referencing "mild" sociopaths like myself, who understand self-interest and are frustrated with dating simpletons.

196 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. 1st gile i was with was sociopathic i tryed to controle here
      she slept with my brother to punush me

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    2. i called here on here games she freaked out that i knew
      dinied it in front of everyone
      no one knew what was going on
      10sec later she did it again i loled hard still no one knew what was going on

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    3. I often think the only person i will be able to end up with will a another sociopath. i have had many boyfriends and although i may like being around them and enjoy sex, a deeper emotional loving connection is not gonna happen and they figure it out and leave which is fine, i would think another socio would be easier you would be able to understand that we may be together for years but love isnt happening, more of a life friend with sex, someone to hang out with, go see a movie and 1 person to safely have sex with and maybe it would better, the less emotion involved the better, but i have never actually met another sociopath, that i know of, and i would like to think i could pick one out no problem, although i would have to go out and try to meet people and that seems like too much work for the end results to be they love me now so i have to get out before they want to get married or something equally as no good. i dont want love, i want someone to watch movies with, cuddle with (because i feel close to ppl when cuddling and it is the only time), have sex, and generally understanding the stuff in my head, and not make me have to fake it and have someone that understands sometimes it is annoying knowing i cant fall in love sometimes i get mad at myself because i am sick of getting use to someone then they leave cause i dont care enough or whatever their reason, which to be fair usual is my fault, you can only act like you feel close and emotional for so long before they seee through it, so another soc would be great i think, i look forward to meeting one someday. although on the flip side of that i think a lot of the reason i do not do some things i want to is because i can not do it alone, and if i was with another person with the things i would like to do, the 2 of us would talk ourselves right into it easily. we could talk about it, roll play and eventually we would want to go out and do it, that scares me a little because i know i could do awful things to people given the right situation.

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    4. I can see the logic, and I've often thought the same.

      I want many of the same things, but I've realised a couple flaws.

      1. Though I don't 'love' in that deep romantic agape sort of way, I get a nice warm fuzzy feeling by knowing someone is mine. They're my shiny new toy. They're my entertainment. My pet. The 'game' of making them love me is my main motivation. A sociopath would be a challenging mark, for sure, but I want a challenge, not someone truly incapable of love. Them loving me is my preferred method of control. Unfortunately, once it gets there, I lose interest. Its quite the paradox.

      To the OP-
      Socios are good at what they do. Its quite possible that you've met a sociopath. The guy that's charming and seems to expect love right away may just be the 'path of your dreams. Sociopaths often want to get married, to mimic love, to have power. Don't you see?

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  2. Why does this person even feel the need to have such a connection with a partner?
    Does she want to cuddle at night and cry her eyes out on someone when she gets her feelings hurt?
    Conflicts with this desire of sharing your life with another predator?
    To achieve what two people can and one person couldnt?
    All i see is talk of finding some guy that "my friends will really like omg!!!"

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  3. I briefly became romantically involved with a business associate who would score well over 30 on the pcl-r. It was a big mistake. In the midst of some rather dubious and risky business we were undertaking the added complication of sex and jealousy (and a lack of much interest on my part) led to some really unnecessary adrenaline pumping moments. If two sociopaths have it in mind to hook up I'd recommend avoiding it unless the lives of both are relatively free of mayhem to start with.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. unnecessary adrenaline pumping moments
      asrenaline is my drug of choise
      hook me up

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  4. In theory, it's good, socios can drop their perpetual act and satisfy physical needs and intellectual challenges together, but I don't know if they could ever get comfortable with each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dropping the act makes me as boring as an aspie

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    2. ^ that's funny. QM

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    3. VEGITOPATHIC LIFETIME GOLDSTAR VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:46 PM

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  5. I mean, the person who reminds me most of myself - I can simultaneously completely understand him and not get him at all. And it's weird for me, because usually I can read people.

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  6. Thankfully, we have AIDS dealing with the problem, even now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AIDS really is a wonder, I've heard rumours that it's an artificial virus.

      In which case it leaves no mystery as to why there is no cure to be found for many diseases.

      It quietly deals with certain of the degenerate, generations.

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    2. russian roulette ftw
      you know i'm going to loos
      and gabling is for fools
      but that's the way i like it
      baby i don't want to live for ever

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  7. Shit like this belongs on Narcworld.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATHIC LIFETIME GOLDSTAR VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNANWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:45 PM

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  8. I loved the "stare into the eyes" partI can just picture M.E doing that to some doting person.

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  9. In my opinion she's right.

    Although i'd say that it is connected with many factors.
    I think the most important one is, that both socios are at the same level. If that's the case they'll play each other out without the chance that one of them gets demaged pretty bad. Which is really nice.


    It's kinda nice to read that someone else feels the "insincerity seeping out of her pores", when she fakes love or sadness. It's exactly the same for me.

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    Replies
    1. Does telling yourself you're a sociopath help you feel better about being a freaky little loner?

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    2. Look everyone, someone's projecting over here.

      Let's all have a laugh.

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    3. Goes for about 100% of this site.

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    4. I think the girl is right too. I think it would be really fun to try dating someone like you to see how it went. I've always been curious about how it would go down dating another sociopath. We would have a mutual understanding and it would be a relief I think. Here are some of the things she said that I was like DAMN you are so right

      "I usually lose interest right after I acquire my target's complete attention and/or whatever I need from him."

      "strong expressions of love and sadness are the two emotions I feel the most phony mimicking. I can literally feel the insincerity seeping out of my pores"

      "I change my persona depending on what I need and who I am around."

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    5. @Anon 7:05

      I never said that I'm a sociopath, dickhead.

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    6. And I am most definitely not a loner

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    7. Do you actually not think you're a socio, MyMind?

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    8. I wrote about it a few days ago.

      I fulfill most of the characteristic traits, and got more or less diagnosed as one. More or less because my therapist never told me that she thought i am one. Some day I looked through her writings and read her descripton of my personality, which said i am a sociopath.



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    9. Oh I see. Yeah I show most of the traits. But fuck labels though I mean I do what I do because I want to, not because I'm a sociopath. If I happen to be one.. Which I have accepted.. Then okay

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    10. Yeah, but i have to admit, through the fact, that i like categories and labels etc., that it was very helpfull for me to hear, that i might be one. But only because i had a crisis of identity.

      Also I'm pretty sure, that if i'd go to another therapist, and wouldn't mention that i got no conscience, i would be diagnosed as schizoid.

      Some people even tried to diagnose me with ADHD.....

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    11. That you think a different therapist would diagnose you as a schizoid or with ADHD

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    12. No, i don't think a therapist would even think about diagnosing me with ADHD.

      One of my former teachers tried to do that.
      I think she wanted to do that, so she can tell herself that i was wrong about some things i said.
      I destroyed her in front of the class. It was delicious.

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    13. @M. Brig

      I have a question:

      Do you feel "empty"?

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    14. all the time. I think that's why I do the things that I do.. trying to live on the edge but not explicitly breaking the rules, the manipulation, the acting, the lying and leading people on... It's all so I don't go crazy with the monotony and emptiness that life is for me. I'm pretty good at distracting myself.. I am constantly adding to my long list of hobbies and interests because I get bored to easily. And I usually like the emptiness because my lack of emotional response makes life so much simpler and less messy. But sometimes I think life would be so much more interesting if I was a normal person. haha i guess it is what it is, and I would never trade myself in to be an empath

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    15. hmmm, i don't really know if i feel empty or not, because i don't know anything else. if emptyness is this constant monotony etc. then i am empty.

      also i can really understand the problem with hobbies. I'm kinda happy that i have 2-3 hobbies that are on my list for a couple years now. Music is one of em. ;)

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    16. yup the feeling of constant monotony is definitely a sign of emptiness. I've talked to lots of empaths who never feel monotony in their lives and had no idea what I was trying to relate when I said that.

      Music is the same for me!! It's something I'm really passionate about. I play guitar. Art is another I've stuck with for a long time. Other interests come and go.

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    17. This flute/recorder cover of 20th century fox is pretty rediculous.*cough*

      I play guitar too.
      My other two long-term-hobbies are video games and reading.
      Everything else, comes and goes, just as you said.

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    18. That video is YOU!? That with the ketchupbot is soo fucking hilarious! It gets me every time

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    19. *Facepalm*

      No, it isn't me.
      I meant something else. Check your channel.

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    20. Oh haha that my gender says "female"?

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    21. xDDD

      No, i can't even see your gender.
      Check your comments section.

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    22. Damn! No one can see that it says "female"?? That's my little joke haha. I am a man by the way lol

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    23. At least i can't.^^

      Found it?

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    24. The thing about water being tasteless?

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    25. Yeah, i thought you'd remember that analogy, so...

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    26. Yeah! Haha that was a good analogy :)

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    27. Thx, but that wasn't the point. ^^
      i just tried to be subtle, but i think i was too subtle.
      I wanted to ask you something, but in a more..... private environment.
      So, if you're interested it would be nice if you message me, cause i don't know where i can write a message on yt.

      Delete
    28. Ohhhh haha see I'm no good at subtle. Ou have to be pretty direct with me :) you can email me at montysubaru96@gmail.com

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    29. Yeah, I'm bad at such things too.
      oh, i always thought you're 1 or 2 years older than me.
      Thx

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    30. 96 is the year of my car (Subaru)

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    31. How sweet. They met on SW and fell madly in love <3

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    32. Yeah we have gay crushes on each other over the Internet. (Sarcastic)

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  10. Replies
    1. Good morning Rich!

      I think M Brig asked you something on the last article, you should check it out. I'm kinda interested in your answers, too. :)

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    2. is "on the last article" even right? i don't think so

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    3. Yeah, Rich can you answer those?

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    4. Hey Rich, I have a couple questions for you to understand empaths better:

      1. When you read or hear news about horrible massacres or natural disasters, what is your emotional reaction?

      2. When your friends are talking to you about their problems, do you actually care?

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    5. M. Brig, I replied to you on the previous page with a reworded attempt at trying to get my head around what you were saying. I guess it's maybe one of those things that's difficult to put into words and make sense of.

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    6. Hey gus and Ellicit!!!!

      Sorry for not getting back earlier, I took a 2mg xanax after my dose of methadone and was FADED! I took a four hour nap! LOL!

      To M.Brig and mymind- I will answer the questions now........

      !. To be completely honest here, I probably feel the same way a sociopath/psychopath does only with a tiny bit more feeling.......

      I dont know if it is from drugs or just naturally the way I am, but I cant really see too far ahead in time, I meanm, I can, but I dont really usually analyze it or care.....

      When a bad thing happens like the Newtown massacre or even this morning when there were tsunamis and an earthquake down in the islands I find interest and I feel "bad" for the families involved, but it dosent effect me emotionally one bit...... It might if I heard details from one of the mothers as she was crying about her child and I was there in person. But if I heard it over the news or something I would think to myself "Wow, that is horrible and unfortunate" but it dosent phase me emotionally for some reason.

      Now to question #2- It all depends on the situation..... If I think they are being all emotional and freaking out over something stupid and let that bother them, I usually dont care. But if it is something I genuinely feel they have a good reason to be upset/emotional about it I will try to console them the best I can and I can basically feel the same emotions they feel (because usually I have gone through what they have, example, like a serious break-up of a relationship)....


      I forgot where I read this, and it may have actually been something somebody or M.E. posted here at SW, but it kinda describes how I react to question number 1........

      The person said they were more likely to feel bad about their mother having a bad day rather than feel bad about hearing about some child in Africa who just died of starvation that day..... That is basically how I feel too...... It also extends to tragedies, that dont effect me as well.......

      How do you guys feel in those situations? Or did you answer that on yesterdays thread? (Ill check it out)......

      Ask more questions if you would like, feel free :)

      Delete
    7. To number 1:

      I don't care in any way. i don't even think "Wow, that's bad for them."
      Sometimes i'm kinda amused, for example, one stupid shithead brought an axe to school, here in germany. He hit one girl in the face with it and then got shot by an officer. I laughed out loud as i heard that. I thought "Who the fuck uses an axe for an amok in school? That's not efficient." In my opinion he did not deserve better, for so much stupidity.

      To number 2:

      I care about my friends in an intellectual way, if i can, i'll try to help them in any way and as good as i can.

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    8. To #1 I feel the eact same as MyMind. I actually just laughed out loud at the ax thing as I was reading his post.

      For #2 I don't care about what they are going through in any way unless their bad mood or tragic days events affect me in some way or affect plans we had made or something like that. I always pretend to care though.

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  11. Good Morning Rich and MyMind !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good morning Monica!

      I'd really like to read about the situation you wanted to share with us and hear our opinions about.

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    2. Hi everyone. QM

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    3. Hi Rich
      I am doing well. How about you?

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    4. I'm OK just having some wine n relaxing!!!!!

      Have u answered the two questions that I answered up there on this thread?

      I am curious on how u would answer :-)

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    5. No, Rich. I find this thread very confusing. If you would not mind copy and pasting, I will try to answer. :) :)

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    6. 1. When you read or hear news about horrible massacres or natural disasters, what is your emotional reaction?

      2. When your friends are talking to you about their problems, do you actually care?

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    7. 1. When you read or hear news about horrible massacres or natural disasters, what is your emotional reaction? My reaction is a great deal of upset. When I heard the father of the Seal that lost his life, I cried. When I saw the Nick Berg beheading video, I could not sleep all night.

      2. When your friends are talking to you about their problems, do you actually care? Yes

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    8. K, now i have a question too:

      "We" socios try to avoid situations that make us feel uncomfortable or are connected with problems as much as possible and all the time.
      Why, don't do empaths the same? it should be even much easier for you, because you got inner sensors (i mean feelings) for that kinda stuff. You don't have to look out for, for example, sweating hands.

      Why do empaths always confront themselves with situations that have a great negative impact on them?

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    9. Well, I don't watch upsetting things anymore. That Nick Berg video cured me of that, but when people are upset and call me, I try to help, if I care for them. They do the same for me.

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    10. K, nice to hear that you learned that, it makes life much easier. But that didn't answer my question.^^

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    11. Do you mean, why do I help people, if it upsets me?

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    12. for example.

      or another one: watching horror movies although you get nightmares from them.

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    13. I don't watch horror movies, disaster movies, true crime etc When I watch disaster movies, I am afraid to do the thing, like fly ~

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    14. are you messing with me?^^ it was just an example. and it didn't answer my question either,

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    15. I don't mess with people unless it is UKan ~
      What is your question. Spell it out.

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    16. are you sure you're don't messing with me?haha^^ i already spelled it out.

      Why do empaths always confront themselves with situations that have a great negative impact on them?

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    17. OK, Because if I care for a person, I will put myself out for that person. When I need help, I will go to that person and he will put himself out for me.It is the unwritten exchange in friendship.

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    18. Yeah, but besides friends stuff and so on. i hate faking empathy because i think i suck at it, but i'll do it if a friend needs that.

      for example.....uhm....fuck.... i had a few friends....oh wait, girlfriends actually, that were soooooooooooo unhappy with their current relationships, they had when i first met them. But there was never a way to make them break up with their boyfriends with logical arguements and reasoning. So i had to manipulate them out of their relationships.

      So, why wouldn't someone break up a relationship that totally misses it's goal and is even counter productive?

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    19. Hmm There has to be more here than meets the eye. It is too broad of a question to answer, as you are asking about a "group" of women and I could not answer that, as there could be many reasons in an entire group. Rephrase the question~

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    20. Monica, why exactly do you feel sad when you read "depressing-sad" news? What is going trough your head when you read it that makes you feel that way?

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    21. VEGITOPATHIC LIFETIME GOLDSTAR VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNAWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:44 PM

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  12. Thank you,MyMind, for asking. I kind of figured out the situation, so I will wait until I need help, again, and then ask. People don't like when someone comes to the well, too much~

    How are you doing, today?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm doing just fine.

      And how are you doing today, monica?

      A well exists to be used. :)

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    2. I come and tell what is going on, when I am in a lot of pain. I get a lot of help, too. However, I try not to be burdensome ~

      Delete
  13. Have you ever had this strangest feeling, that there is some big, elaborate joke in something, somewhere... except, you just can't seem to put your finger on it.

    It's out there, it almost feels to be the most of ironic of things, except, you're missing the punch line.

    Something you feel, or see, gives you this odd impression, that somewhere out there, someone is laughing their asses off at you.

    That someone, is me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you the someone that has an addiction to gaslighting and creates all these sock puppets?

      Delete
    2. Aw fuck i thought u were gonna say the democratic national party

      Delete
    3. lol

      SOmeone has to laugh. So than you!

      Delete
  14. Why would sociopaths date? They would just be fuck buddies and date other people. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Proudly brought to you, by AIDS Inc.

      Delete
    2. i wander if other sociopaths think that if they got aids the would infect as much ppl as possable?
      and actualy have a good time doing it

      Delete
    3. yes i'm that sick

      Delete
    4. We all die someday.

      Delete
    5. Carpe diem babby.

      Delete
  15. @ Intimacy Anon
    I slept on your question and had some thoughts for you, from my own life and my own studies to help myself.
    You have asked many questions, but they can not really be answered until you get at the root, which is that your sense of self is wobbly and unable to really provided you with the compass you need to answer the questions. Someone can help you with the questions, and we all need help. I do. However, it is the situation of give a man and a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

    The learning to fish is the hard thing. I think I am making small inroads. I think it is, mostly, about self love. When we can love ourselves, many things become clear. Our inherent value, or lack of, drives our actions.

    I hate to get back to the solution, as I know you will be wincing~

    It is to know that Someone higher than man has my picture in his wallet.

    <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it is, mostly, about self love. When we can love ourselves, many things become clear. Our inherent value, or lack of, drives our actions.

      I don't disagree with this. But I'm wondering if love for others also plays a very essential part in it too?

      Delete
    2. Well, I had a profound experience I was going to share on here, but I didn't want to take up too much room~
      However, I can tell you, in the context of answering this question.

      My mother was attacking me, punching me( figuratively) and then blaming me and calling me unforgiving, when I got angry.

      I sat back and realized that I loved myself and did not have to take someone dumping on me, so I did not engage.

      I think that a person can only give real love( or healthy love) if one loves oneself. If not, one will be too needy and dependent on the other person and it will be a selfish love.

      All this is theory, too, as everyone has an ego with it's needs and selfishness. You just have to try to get as emotionally healthy as you can, but you will always have issues.

      Delete
    3. Agreed - without love for yourself, you won't get anywhere. And I think you're right about love for others, Ellicit.

      Your mom sucks, Monica. Blowing her off sounds about right. QM

      Delete
    4. Trollin' 'n rollin'.

      Delete
    5. Recovering Histrionic AnonFebruary 7, 2013 at 9:00 AM

      Monica, yes, because then you are always looking for the other to be barometer for your worth. It is way to o much responsibility. I do not like to see this from mates, and i do not like to be manipulated into thinking i am "safe" if simply if they are approving of me.

      Approval is NOT LOVE! JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS AND YOU WILL BE OK, *slams door*

      Delete
  16. @ Anon (who might also be Intimacy anon?)

    I understand that you don't want to waste your life dwelling on the past, especially if it was crappy, but kicking your own ass isn't going to help you forget. Similarly, your memories aren't files you can just delete. You're dealing with a piece of biology, not hardware. I don't think anyone can intellectualize their way out, except for brief periods and then return to the same state.

    I have to say, and I'm not picking on Monica here, but retraumatizing has not been considered a good clinical practice for at least a decade. It exacerbates symptoms of trauma and prolongs recovery, and should only be handled by a professional therapist in patients who are stable, but it often is unnecessary. Please don't go hurting yourself / getting yourself hurt based on the advice of someone who isn't a professional. Actually talking to a professional about that would be a great idea.

    I didn't know what you were talking about with real paranoia - I assumed physical danger, and I don't know you or your BF, so I'm going to hold off on saying anything about your relationship. QM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. retraumatizing has not been considered a good clinical practice for at least a decade. It exacerbates symptoms of trauma and prolongs recovery

      This is very true. CBT is what is most used now and that's about modulating responses and behaviour, not dredging up the past and making people experience the trauma all over again.

      Delete
    2. Good point.

      If you didn't already love yourself you wouldn't take care of yourself the way you do. Nourish your body, keep it clean, for example. It's natural.

      You won't even need to use manipulation tactics when you give love to others. Manipulation even can't compare to the results of simply showing love to others. A cheap rip-off, really.

      Delete
    3. Thanks to everyone who responded.

      I am not in danger. I meant real or imagined paranoia about getting abandoned/being cheated on (it's the same thing to me)

      Delete
    4. I'm mixing up retraumatizing with mourning for me as a child. Thank you.:)

      I'm just tired of it.

      Delete
  17. Good points, QM. What works for me is not for everyone, but I can only offer what I do.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Point: We are attracted to those who are both book-smart and street-smart.

    Cause socios = that. The person who wrote that is a moron.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i do like a sexy librarian

      Delete
    2. with glasses
      losening here hair
      grrr SeXy

      Delete
    3. VEGITOPATHIC VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNAWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:43 PM

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      Delete
  19. My father was a sadistic sociopath who did not marry the sociopath stepmother... so she could not take advantage of him he said. Together they screwed a lot of people but in the end he did not leave one penny to his three children.

    When the stop mother met him she was on welfare with her five kids but she ended up with the bulk of his properties, stocks etc.

    While alive he used his riches to exert control over his kids while disempowering them with his mental games. Think the sadist part of him got his kids in the end via the stepmother. Isis

    ReplyDelete
  20. Interesting. I've never been able to figure out the "perfect balance" of physical closeness and mental & emotional intimacy. I've never dated anyone as intelligent as I am. Which is a little annoying b/c people often tell me they're intimidated by what I do.

    I'm usually trying to find a balance between wanting to be close but not too close. Stimulating conversation is a necessity for me. Like she said I'd rather date someone less than optimally attractive that I can hold good discourse with than someone super pretty that I can't talk to. This is actually how things tend to work out for me. Not that any of them last but whatever. I don't really know what I want anyways.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aaaaand.... how intelligent are you?

      Delete
    2. Is it ever really about what you want, or is it just what you're willing to settle for? Seems like that's how life is to me at least.

      Delete
    3. MyMind, very ;)

      Anon: that's my problem, I'm pretty willing to settle, at least at first, but if enough goes wrong then the settling starts to eat at me and it really becomes impossible for me to ignore. I hate being bored and people tend to bore me pretty quickly if they're not fairly dynamic.

      Delete
    4. Ohhhh pls don't to that, i hate answers like that. :(

      Delete
    5. I believe we've got the next Einstein here.

      Write the next 'Lord of the Rings' equivalent, call it science, and you'll go far in that circle.

      Delete
    6. I love LOtR but I'm no Tolkien. I also don't have time for that.

      MyMind... I've multiple engineering degrees, minored in Astrophysics and I work in experimental R&D. Better?

      Delete
    7. So... you're the unsuspecting lab-rat?

      Delete
    8. haven i have something for the overachievers in school
      there drive is usualy fueled by a need that i'm eager to fulfill
      do you have that?

      Delete
    9. Yeah. Much better, thank you.

      and yeah, that sounds kinda intelligent.

      Delete
    10. Part lab-rat, part field development. I tend to stand out though. You wouldn't look at me and think that was my occupation. I'm more, artistic, in appearance ;)

      Delete
    11. Anon 12:09... I don't know. Perfectionistic tendencies are usually driven by a desire for approval. Which I am completely ambivalent about. You wouldn't be able to fulfill that.

      Delete
    12. After all those experiments you might start to resemble one of Picasso's pieces.

      That's pretty artistic though.

      Delete
    13. is that a dare?

      Delete
    14. I think it's easier to maintain control if you're being the pursued, which is important, but I guess that's settling, especially if you're getting bored.

      Haven, what do you do, if you don't mind my asking. I saw your blog but have only read a handful of posts so far. (I don't think I'm borderline, but it's interesting.) QM

      Delete
    15. oh, sorry. my page wasn't refreshed. QM

      Delete
    16. Anon 12:16 haha no that's not a dare. I have daddy issues. It's not surprising. Unless you're my father, your approval just won't do. Sorry =)


      Anon 12:18 - I'm an R&D Engineer. I can't tell you the specific projects that I'm working on though. Classified and all that.

      My blog isn't for everyone, but I've had plenty of people that aren't Borderline tell me they've taken away useful information from it.

      Delete
    17. ambivalent about approval?
      mmm are you sure you are borderline?
      perhaps with a little schizoïd?

      Delete
    18. who's your daddy? )

      Delete
    19. kinda feel like we having a moment here
      (i'm blushing)

      Delete
    20. My psychiatrist tried to medicate my ambivalence once. It's very characteristic of BPD. It means to have simultaneous and contradictory feelings/attitudes toward something. I at once want approval and rebel against it.

      Delete
    21. ::laughs:: a moment indeed.

      Delete
    22. I can see it being helpful, but I'm still working on the difference between sociopaths, malignant narcissists and psychopaths, which is a little closer to home for me. How many hours a week do you spend on it? And do you have any suggestions for people who want to write a blog and stay anonymous? QM

      Delete
    23. does that mean that you don't have the i h8 you don't leave me thing?

      Delete
    24. i've actualy been diagnosed as a borderline with schizoid and cluster B
      but i look nothing like a borderline

      Delete
    25. I dated a malignant narc once. So done with their kind. I honestly prefer the socios here. Psychopaths are a curiosity for me.

      I spend a lot of time on my blog. Probably 10-15 hours a week. Much of that is the research I put into it. Some weeks are probably less if I'm extremely busy in my RL. There have definitely been weeks I've put in more though. So 10-15 is average.

      To stay anonymous just keep all of your contact and source information separate from your actual life and real life accounts. New e-mail, new social media, new blog... under a pseudonym and leave out specifics in terms of names and locations. Don't allow cross over. It shouldn't be too hard if you keep anonymity in mind from the start.

      Delete
    26. Anon 12:31 - "I hate you, don't leave me" is ambivalence. Simultaneous yet contradictory feelings. That happens more often than I like, but I'm getting better with all of that.

      Delete
    27. annway off to bed(/bad)
      you were charming haven
      big day tomorrow
      work and sexdate with a shrink (i kid you not)
      ./flex

      Delete
    28. Anon 12:39 pleasant dreams. Nice chatting. And enjoy your sexy time.


      Anon 12:33 you'd be surprised. A huge chunk of Borderlines don't "look" like what people think of what they envision the Borderline Personality. I'm in no position to diagnose though.

      Anon 12:40 ... splitting is a bit different. It's an all or nothing feeling. One or the other, not both at once.

      Delete
    29. Haven do you also do the valuing and devaluing thing? This i will do and it feels like the splitting. Then i have to go to ambiguity, then I am fucking ready to not give a fuck, and need a nap until I will be valuing.

      It really is boring and too scary to be in value mode, and nobody nobody should be in that slot for me. It just makes no sense. I don't trust any of it. It reminds me when you say you have your mood "in love". When I am "in love" is the period of newness. I always need to find way to kick that up. Noone can keep me in that place along time. If they do , I want to assume they are a sociopath lol.

      Is that normal borderline stuff? THe narcissists will do the same kind of splitting with valuing and devaluing? WHat is a difference, if any?

      Delete
  21. Yeah, I don't really understand mal narc. I guess they need more attention and less control? (And Sam Vaknin honestly sounds like a sociopath to me.)

    Wow, that's a part time job, then. Thanks for the tips. Do you worry about rerouting your IP address? QM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not really. If for whatever reason I lose my anonymity I'll just start doing video blogs along with my regular posts =) New opportunity!

      Delete
    2. Lol, right on! QM

      Delete
    3. VEGITOPATHIC VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNAWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:43 PM

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  22. @ Anon 12:39 - What? Are you working with a sex surrogate? Come back and tell us about it! QM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gosh, I feel so sexually frustrated today. QM

      Delete
    2. Ah, so clever QM

      Delete
    3. How dare you young men tease an upright lady of sober habits!
      Hah! QM

      Delete
    4. VEGITOPATHIC LIFTIME GOLDSTAR VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND MAYBE HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNAWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:42 PM

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      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. Hi Zoe.

      Zoe there is a comment on the yt pg there at the bottom abt the time when this music was made. Had you seen it?

      Delete
    2. the 70's right? i couldn't get into this when i was a little kid. it seemed like music for old people. i ran across it on youtube recently and found i liked it. but i'm kind of old-ish now ha so maybe that's why?

      is that what you were getting at?

      Delete
    3. oooh it says it was recorded in 68!

      okay i can't tell a lie i am really almost 70

      but i still have all my teeth. :-)

      Delete
    4. more like 89 and not a day younger

      Delete
    5. the longest living person recorded was a French woman, who lived to 122 or so. i have some French blood!

      many years of posting ahead maybe :-)

      Delete
    6. no it wasthe one abt the time period being just different and with a purpose or something. I thouht you felt that and that was why you chse it,or something.

      Delete
  24. VEGITOPATHIC VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA AND UKAN (AND HATES UP FROM THE SOFA, UNAWANKER AND ALICIANARCSOCIO)February 6, 2013 at 7:41 PM

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    ReplyDelete
  25. Admitting the lack of energy I have toward reading all the above one-hundred-fifty-some posts (wowza!), I'll say that today's post struck me full-sternum.
    I thank my fellow sociopathic lovers; thank you all! Thank you for giving me the challenge, the lack of pretense (although we both always know...), the beautiful GAME...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Worrrrrddddd. Beautiful game indeed.

      Delete
  26. I have tryd this and it falls apart when one person ether loses interst and gets bored or one just doesn't feel they benefit from it

    ReplyDelete
  27. if you really want to hurt a sociopath just tell him he's boring. You might even see real tears

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NnnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
      i'm special
      (my mom sais so)

      Delete
  28. i'm a sociopath and i only repsect 2 things intelligence and humor

    ReplyDelete
  29. if you really want to hurt an npd just tell him he's smart, good looking, has a cool car and good job. He'll get so paranoid he'll self destruct.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'll bring the popcorn

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha I actually laughed out loud at this. Kudos

      Delete
  30. "needs wants and emotions are all tools for manipulation"
    and empathy is not???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and if you use needs you are not a manipulator you are a humanitarian

      Delete
    2. or a pokemontrainer

      Delete
  31. I still don't see the incentive for an actual sociopath to be in a relationship with another sociopath. Why would a sociopath bring in a worthy competitor in something as controllable as who they are dating? That's the easiest and one of the most satisfying parts of life to conquer, and I just don't see a sociopath relinquishing the upper hand in that aspect of their life.

    Personally I'm not a sociopath, I just have some traits like lack of guilt, empathy, and sympathy but I don't have the drive to be constantly charming and manipulation, I'm only like that when I have targets in mind. This girl I'm currently sleeping with took a ton of interest in me even when I'm in my detached callous autopilot mode, this is less effort I've had to put in to impress almost every girl I've been with, I never have to put on a mask for her. I have a hunch she is a sociopath I really can't confirm yet though, she's either the nicest girl in the world or a completely glib sociopath. She has a beautiful smile that has no warmth to it at all. The first time I saw her, she had that icy smile and eyes straight on me literally the entire few minutes I was talking to someone next to her even though I wasn't really paying any attention to her. The smile wouldn't move. She hasn't dropped the persona yet, even when there's no reason to keep it up, it continues in sex where she is so submissive. She's probably not a sociopath and this is completely irrelevant to anything. I still wouldn't be surprised if I woke up with my head cut off.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I recently found this blog and I cannot stop reading. It feels good to feel understood! And this post, is everything.

    I have left behind a long string of failed relationships, all with the same pattern: make them fall in love with me, date them for a short while, get bored, cheat and/or break up with them and move onto the next victim.

    ReplyDelete

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