Friday, February 1, 2013

Mellowing with age?

I've written a little about sociopaths mellowing with age. I was reminded of the concept again when I read this recent comment:


I've reached the point where I'd like to get some help for my impulsive traits. I'm' saying "impulsive" rather than "psychopathic" because I'd like to focus on what I see as the problem.

You could say that I'm a high-functioning psychopath. I'm Machiavellian, narcissistic and psychopathic. 

I've apparently got enough impulse control (and intelligence) to get me what I need. But I sense that there's a gap. I'm missing something.

In the past, I wouldn't have done this because I was too proud. I wasn't able to admit that I was behaving "badly" or had a problem. And I was young enough that I was substantially getting what I wanted. 

Now that I'm middle aged, that isn't happening. Perhaps because I'm not getting what I want, I can see I've behaved anti-socially, and it has cost me. E.g. I'm heading into old age, and no matter how optimistic I'd like to be, it is clear that it is going to get harder and harder to have sex with women in their twenties. And eventually I will die, no matter how much I fight it.

Have any commenters, motivated by the same sense of "oh shit I'm screwed" sought help? How'd it go? 

I do have this general sense of trending towards being more actively aware of potential consequences of my actions to the point where I am able to assert more "self-control" than I could as a young person. And sometimes people say that I seem like I've gotten better -- either people in my life or even sometimes commenters on the blog in response to things I have written. But's also interesting to re read other posts like this one, where as recently as two years ago I wanted to burn it all to the ground. But I didn't. Maybe that's the difference that's come with age.

94 comments:

  1. I think it does get better with age. I'm much less grandiose now and I haven't acted on a violent impulse in years. Also, older people I know have 'improved' as they've gone through serious illness or otherwise faced their mortality, but yeah, middle age is probably pretty humbling too.

    I've only recently realized exactly what the problem was - that I'm a sadist and not neurotypical. In the last few years I've had conversations with people about my more obvious remaining shortcomings / symptoms; a sister who's often annoyed at my lack of empathy and a friend who has rock solid morals, which I am absent. They really don't understand that there is something very different about me, they act like it's a matter of effort. I guess they're trying to assume the best of me? It doesn't help. My empathy and ethics circuits are still broken.

    I'm wondering if I asked a therapist for help with 'social skills' or 'attachment' if that would be close enough an explanation of what I need. Because I don't think it'd be a good idea to convey all the details from when I was younger and had poorer control...

    QM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:09 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
    2. hi dumbass

      ravage this

      :)

      Delete
    3. going forward dumbass is my pet name for you. mind?

      Delete
  2. I remember this comment and can relate to it quite a lot. The last year or so has been a process of enlightenment when it comes to the extent of my impairments. A recent brush with my own mortality has prompted me to seek therapy in an effort to alter the course my life has been on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm really not liking this finding out 'the extent of my impairments.' :-/

      Good luck with therapy. QM

      Delete
    2. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:08 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  3. I have wanted to ask this for some time, but feel I am being intrusive. However,it has been on my mind and I truly don't understand, so I will ask.

    I watch the Twitter in an effort to learn about M.E. He picks the tweets with the most heart and soul. Only a person with great depth would resonate with them. How can a sociopath who is supposed to have blunted emotions pick up this? Doesn't one have to have it in oneself to see it in others?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Monica!

      A few days ago i posted a comment, with the goal that ME tweets it. It worked.

      Most of the time, ME tweets comments that are nice phrases, obvious but unseen, melancholic or just true. At least it seems to me like that.

      I think it has less to do with soul and more with is it something he can relate to.

      Also you should keep in mind, that the tweets are, most of the time, not as poetrical as that what sofa posts.

      Delete
    2. Well, I disagree about the Tweets, MyMind. Some of them are so profound that I could cry.

      Delete
    3. Then i'm blind to them.
      would you like to give me an example, pls?

      Delete
    4. Well, I have been here for quite a while, so I have been looking for quite a while. I don't have specifics to give, just an overall feeling.

      Delete
    5. Hmm k. how was your day?^^
      it kinda seems like you had a bad one.

      Delete
    6. Monica I think you're becoming entrenched in this place. I thought you were interested in healing.

      Delete
    7. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:08 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE
      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  4. Ha I knew Medusa was Vegitopath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liar. You insisted it was UKan. And that thread in the forum is by an anon. It's not Medusa's account. Jeesh.

      Delete
    2. I thought it was Medusa or UKan. Then, I settled on Ukan. However, I had a talk with one of my SW friends and changed back to Medusa because this person told me that UKan would never say "Tee Hee" and I agreed.

      Delete
    3. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:07 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  5. Hi sociopathworld, me again. Can I pick your brains for a second?

    I've been noticing lately that I get incredibly bored even when manipulating someone into doing what I want. I fallen into some kind of strategic pitfall where just the act of imagining my strategizing and winning at something causes me great pleasure and consequently the doing gives me none at all, because I've already foreseen what will happen and I'm usually not wrong. It's really stressing me out because it makes me not want to even engage people because I get manipulating at a whim and then I get frustrated that I can't just annex their utility and kill their liabilities. Man, what is wrong with me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You might find being frank and direct a refreshing change of pace.

      Delete
    2. I'll take that under advisement. Thanks anon.

      Delete
    3. Also you could do something extreme, it could be anything, but it should be something you haven't done before.
      Extremes can be very refreshing sometimes.

      Delete
    4. I've been working on extremes lately (taking down the other antisocial in the office, defrauding people, stealing, etc.) but I still find myself lacking the conviction I used to have. Whereas I used to manipulate for the joy of getting my fingers into something that joy has plateu'd. I've ben thinking that I just need to find new ways to go over the same territory. An innovation on my old dance. But maybe I need to tear it down and start from zed. Square one. I don't know right now. I'm just so very bored.

      Delete
    5. How about a new territory? Vacation abroad could be an option, too.

      Delete
    6. Good idea, MyMind. I'm way overdue on a vacation. I need to leave this wretched place for good.

      Delete
    7. then do it.^^ the best would be a country with a different culture you don't know much about yet.
      it would make you slightly adapt all your strategies, which would have the nice side effects, that you get even more insight in your strategies and in your own culture.

      Delete
    8. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:06 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
    9. It's perfectly normal to feel this way Caesar. It's that little voice in your head telling you time to up the stakes and play some real games :)

      Delete
  6. LOL. Does anyone else find being manipulated creepily exciting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To me it sounds like a paradox. you could only find it exciting, if you'd know that you're getting manipulated, but if you know that your're getting manipulated it won't work anymore.
      also, you can predict the intention of the manipulation, which would make it even more boring.

      Delete
    2. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:05 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      TEEHEE

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  7. I'm young now, so I have no idea if it will get better with age for me. It would be nice. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am, and I love the way I am. In all honesty I think I'm better than normal people. But sometimes it is just so draining and so exhausting to keep up appearances and act normal when all I want to do is act the way I really want to act. Other times, I love acting and it provides endless amusement. I flip flop between these two..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @your answer to my last comment.

      Yeah, i enjoyed breaking bad, too.
      I just loved the scene where Gus slits the throat of that korean guy. Also i really enjoyed the condition of jesse, when he was a wreck.
      but i have to admit two things:

      1. Everytime walter was with his family, i got really mad. just because of his "sissying".

      2. after the point he bought his son the car, i always wished that his son would have a severe car accident, making him even more useless than he already is. i had this wish because i wanted to see walter suffer and wondered what he would become next.

      Delete
    2. Skylar and Hank Schrader bother me the most. Yeah for me watching them struggle and suffer is just hysterical.

      Delete
    3. Did you watch lost? Benjamin Linus is just too hilarious. and hell, i'd give my right leg to manipulate like him.

      Delete
    4. You should, you'll laugh your ass off.

      Delete
    5. I'll have to check it out!

      Delete
    6. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:05 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      TEEHEE

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete

  8. Hi. I have some questions. This is from the other day:

    "her's a question to UKAN
    lets see how smart and devious you can be
    the question is this
    if i cannot feel love am i not worthy of giving it?
    am i not worthy of receiving love?

    Reply
    Replies

    AnonymousJanuary 30, 2013 at 12:43 PM
    forget worthy, if you cannot feel love, how are you capable of giving or receiving it? (honest question)

    ==================================
    I do not consider myself a sociopath. If anything I'm just feel unlovable and powerless to feel love because it feels fake or idk, just, well, like it is about to slip through my fingers the moment i can see a glimpse of it. I just do not trust it. I very consciously give it, calculating and measuring. ALso, if I feel it, I have to use breadcrumbs like the movie 'Memento' to remember it was there.

    I identify as a borderline with some narc. But basically, it feels like I do not know love. I think I feel it one day, and then the next day if i don't feel it, it just doesnt exist. If I think I want to give it, i feel I am bound to lose them. i am a sadists dream~

    I am getting better and will take more risks in my heart. On the outside i am the consummate lover, give and take, but it does not feel quite so genuine.

    THis being said, I want to say something.

    The other day I told Monica that I liked her writing and she used the words "You made my day" and with an exclamation point! It felt like I gave her what I would consider a sort of love. I made her happy. This thing was shocking my system. It made me cry so hard. I had no idea that I could be appreciated for doing something i did not try try try so hard to do.

    I must be able to give it. It felt really good to do it, and more importantly, it bounced back into me. I did not know i had an effect on a person just being me, and I did not know that i would get love from giving it. I did not practice my words to her. I did not manipulate it.

    So if I can learn this by being me and associating with people who can appreciate me, then I will be worthy of giving and receiving love??


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww that made me cry and REALLY made my day!

      Delete
    2. This may sound like I am trying to toot my horn, but I am not. One of the satisfying things about love, to me, is to give it. You are the most free, if you don't need someone to give it back to you. We, all, are human so want love back and want ego strokes, but you just experienced what I am talking about, about the joy that comes back to you, when you give love freely <3

      Delete
    3. It isn't a matter of being worthy. You don't actually earn love.

      Okay, so you do feel love and are capable of giving and receiving it. That's good. But it sounds like you don't have the opportunity to do so often and you would like to? If that's what you want, you can make it a goal to have more caring relationships. It sounds like that would make you happy. Go for it.

      A lot of people, myself included, don't 'feel' love everyday. That isn't unique to people with personality disorders, a lot of normal people don't either.

      It's better to think of love as work you do, than as a feeling you get. It sounds like you feel fake, but you're doing it right. It's what you have to do to keep relationships going. Don't worry too much about not feeling it.

      QM

      Delete
    4. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:04 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      TEEHEE

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      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  9. best quote ever from a sodier:
    i don't hunt
    it's kinda boring if they don't shoot back

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfRShGJikGo&feature=em-subs_digest&list=TL2tzBy6eDGns

      Delete
    2. I hunt with my bare hands.

      Delete
    3. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS THAT ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:03 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

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    4. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:10 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  10. When I was young, I never understood why my mother couldn't train the dog. She would get her witch's voice and shriek, "STAY in the kitchen" The dog was on her last nerve( as everything was) I thought, "Just take your stupid power, bitch."
    Today,as I was screaming at my dog as the mailman and came to the door, I realized that I have no power, either. The mailman slipped me a package and the mail, as the dog tried to eat it.

    My not training the dog has deeper issues than even having no power, but I am embarrassed to tell you them, so I will have to be back, with the story or without~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you try to tell the story. QM

      Delete
    2. Thank you, QM.

      When I went into the numb, it was not that simple. What I had taken in or banished, on my route to becoming numb, wanted to kill me. I knew that, but I, also, knew it was crazy.

      Delete
    3. I knew my mental health was slipping. The more I sought help, the worse I was getting, until my sliver of sanity would be gone and then I would sink down the muddy hill into oblivion. I am trying to avoid getting to my struggle, which is that I hated myself. I thought I was the most selfish, self centered pig on earth, but I had to hide all that and I did( maybe) I tried to hide my vituperative self hatred, which was a pustule threatening to get bigger and bigger until it burst and ate the city.

      Delete
    4. Hmm, so you took something in that totally goes against you? Going numb sounds practical.

      It sounds like you felt guilt or shame, but I have a feeling whatever it was it wasn't your responsibility. Hating yourself won't do anything for you or anyone else. You'll get enough hate in life, no need to add to it. QM

      Delete
    5. That brings me to my dog, in a round about way. When people come to my door, I do the same dance. I scream, like a crazy person, over the dog's insistent, alarm barking. Sometimes, I pick the dog up and hold her, half upside down, so she will shut up. Sometimes, I try to get her to stay( once in a fucking blue moon) while I promise her a treat, in a happy voice. Sometimes, I pick her up and apologize for what looks like a single lapse in my otherwise, good life. At any rate, I am the first act in the circus, when the door bell rings.


      WHY CAN"T I TRAIN THE DOG? Because I hate myself.

      Delete
    6. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:10 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  11. I would really like to read some of your opinions about the following topic, a topic that i never understood.

    Addiction

    I know how physical addiction works, but i never understood, how psychological addiction is even possible.
    Actually i find both kinds of addiction pretty abstract, maybe because i never were an addict, although i "tried".

    Could someone explain it?





    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like when you get up in the morning, and expect to eat at least three meals throughout the day.

      Human beings are able to survive without food for up to a month, but they are so addicted to food that they have fast food joints and the like, all over the place.

      Whenever you hear your stomach growling at you, it is in fact a small animal that lives inside your gut, commanding you to feed it, hence your 'addiction' to food.

      Delete
    2. The need to eat is something different than an addiction.

      Delete
    3. An animal that lives in you commanding you... that sounds like a good explanation. QM

      Delete
    4. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:03 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  12. I think it's a matter of the drug or whatever helping people feel or be something that's missing, like someone who's addicted to cocaine needs the coke to feel confidence or competent.

    I'm not an alcoholic but I'm not good with emotions and drinking helps me feel more things. Nothing else works better, so I will probably always drink on occasion. Maybe addiction is kind of like that?

    I don't know. Maybe Rich could explain better. I think he's in recovery. QM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. uhm, isn't it bad for someone in recovery to come here?

      Delete
    2. i don't know, bad how? QM

      Delete
    3. I consider myself "in recovery", the reason I dont consider myself "clean" is because Iam still on methadone maintenance.

      I dont think its bad for me to come here, I really enjoy it actually......

      To anon, what did you want to ask? Was it something that you feel your emotions and can feel them easier and express them better while "under the influence"? If so that happens to me too......

      But let me know what you exactly ant me to answer and Ill try my best :)

      Delete
    4. Hi Rich. About emotions, that sounds like what I was talking about with drinking :-/

      Delete
    5. Also, another thing on using drugs or alchol to "enhance" or "dull" emotions.....

      That could get you in VERY BIG TROUBLE leading to addiction.......

      Example- These days, drinkers or drug users usually love to drink and get high when they are happy, to boost their mood/euphoria even more, but on the flip side drinkers and drug users also drink or get high when they are depressed which leads to a cycle of using drugs ANYTIME, whether you are happy or sad and can EASILY lead to addiction......

      In my beginning days before I was a fukl blown addict, I used to use those excuses like Iam getting high to boost my happiness and dulll my emotions when Iam sad but eventually it lead to full blown addiction complete with painful physical withdrawals.

      Delete
    6. Yeah Anon @ 2:25- Alcohol is a great social lubrication or personal lubrication for letting your feelings and emotions out easier, it makes you lose your inhibitions which makes everything easier to experss/let out/articulate to others :)

      Delete
    7. Just remember MODERATION IS KEY, hell you can get TRASHED on weekends, just dont let it squeeze into your weekdays and dont let it interfere with your life or relationships.

      Delete
    8. Why take alchocol or drugs at all? Life's amazing. Eating, fucking, sleeping is amazing.

      Delete
    9. LOL Anon @ 2:54, I totally agree. I used drugs out of curiousity of seeing what they were like, because iam a VERY OPEN MINDED PERSON, I want to try MOSTLY everything (that I like or would be interesting to me) before I die......

      I just took the drug and alcohol use too far and it led to addiction.

      Delete
    10. Because it's fun.

      But it's great that you're able to enjoy the small things. Like sleeping. Nothing quite like lying around in a half comatose state.

      Eating isn't all that amazing either, you're really just sitting there while your mandible continuously hammers itself into your upper jaw.

      Delete
    11. I love good food and sleeping and sex and music, but I don't think any of it's amazing. And yeah, I'm pretty moderate generally because I'm not trying to be an addict. That's the last thing I need... QM

      Delete
    12. Not to mention the act of reproduction.

      You primates have managed to turn something as ordinary as the simple transfer of bodily fluids into quite an ado.

      Delete
    13. I don't know, drugs or alcohol never did anything to me, but that's just a matter of personal preference.

      But you're right, I do enjoy the small things more than everything else. Nothing beats staying in a warm shower with a clear mind.

      Delete
    14. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:01 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE























































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. GOLD STAR VEGITOPATH THINKS THAT ALICIANARCSOCIO FROM FORUMS IS A VEGITOPATH TOOFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:02 PM

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE





















































      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

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      ALICIANARCOSOCIO DOOS NOT SEEM TO HAVE SOCIOPATHIC TWATES.

      ALICIANARCSOCIO HASVEGITOPATHIC TWATES, THEREFOUR, ALICIANARCSOCIO IS A VEGITOPATH LIEK MEE

      TEEHEE

      Delete
  14. At any rate, I hope this all means something, like I will be able to touch the ground with my toesies, soon. You define yourself. Isn't that what all those effing self helpers tell you. You let people know how to treat you, by how you treat yourself. I, usually, want to punch those A holes, in the face, but they may be up to something. The problem is no one can drag you there. You have to crawl your way, on your hands and knees like a supplicant crawling over broken glass to get to the Virgin Mary that someone saw on the side of an office building.

    ReplyDelete
  15. The answer is to feel out life, from your own gut. If you can't, you are forced to live in the land of delusions. The world of delusions is a dream. It is held together by pain. You can't just throw it out. You have to pull it out, by extraction, like a tooth or a tumor. What is your choice? Die because you were to stubborn to go to the doctor. Choose your poison.

    ReplyDelete
  16. narcissists don't seem to age well. i mean, from what i've seen of it. maybe it's the exclusively living in the past-future thing?

    it's like they're always rushing to eat up the future and in the process leave behind them this steady trail of poops of the past. the present is just this one continuous chewing away of the future. they're like rabbits.

    they can't get enough of tomorrow.

    but when they're nearing the end and there is very little left, they slow down, afraid of what will happen if they use it all up. then they get hungry and start feeding off of the poop scattered behind them and expect everyone else to join them.

    yummy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't like the future because I'm afraid of losing my looks.

      Delete
    2. you should be more afraid of losing your mind

      Delete
  17. I like how my mother said that my father abused me sexually until I killed myself. In reality they both did. He told her to join in and she did it just so he would make her feel special. before I died I gave one last thought of loathing towards her and I squeezed.

    bye mommy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If that really happened and you are Monica telling what happened, that's fine and dandy.

      If you aren't Monica, you're a mere sadist.

      ((There's a very fine line between taking it up the ass and giving it. I take it you're treading. Good luck.))

      Delete
  18. Tommorrow is not promised, so I live for today.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I cried the most bitter tears, last night. They were like fire, but today I feel like, "Fuck all those A-holes who betrayed me" I won't betray myself. Thanks for listening, all my dear SW friends and UKan ~

    ReplyDelete
  20. I was standing in my summer home, looking out at the beach. Time froze because I was making a pivotal decision. This decision would, both, ruin my life and save it. That is why time froze and I still remember it, now. I became like a comrade in Russia. No, sir. Yes, sir. But some of them regained their internal apparatus, I assume. I became a complete comrade. I didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  21. We get better at faking how we are supposed to feel as we get older, sometimes we even fool ourselves and need to be reminded that empathy is weakness.

    And truthfully we are not all evil, we simply see others as weak. We would not hurt them for fun and games, we would not steal or break laws, but we WILL not be told how to live and we will always see ourselves as superior because we can get things done while others sit in a ball on the floor and sob. An example. My mother died when I was in my 20s, my family was a mess, I got all the arrangements done, and things planned out. Without me, that may or may not have been done.

    Did I feel bad, OF COURSE. I miss my mother to this day, but I was able to control my emotion because A) she would want me to be strong and B) my ability to control it makes me superior.

    We live a different life. We dont cry when anothers child is killed, sure we feel bad, but we do not and CAN NOT feel it the same way you do.

    Dont fear all of us, we are not evil, just different.

    ReplyDelete

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