Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Sociopath quote: self

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates."

Thomas Szasz

116 comments:

  1. Now I have something to say if any one says I need to find myself

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  2. :) GOOD MORNING Sociopathworld!!!!!!

    How are you all today?

    Iam gonna re-post my story of the "Dentist and the sexy nurse", cause I posted it real late.

    I dont know what I should do, it woill cost OVER 2,000!!!!

    A Become a Gigolo

    B. Get a male stripper job

    C. Sell heroin....

    Any other ideas? LOL

    My story will be posted next :)

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  3. Okay, so my mouth is pretty much fucked! LOL!

    When your dentist says to you "It's alot worse than you even want to know" you know you are FUCKED! LOL!

    So luckily, I get this FINE AS HELL nurse/assistant lady with her nails painted hot pink and a sexy tattoo on the back of her neck ;) (PS- lady if you are an SW reader, you will know me by the story, if you are single, we should mingle :)) LOL!

    Okay, so the sexy nurse takes me in after filling out like 8 pages of straight paperwork........ I DID LIE TO THEM, I didnt tell them that I was on methadone because I wanted them to give me pain meds and not look at me like a junkie, but methadone is what fucked my teeth up from the dry mouth so it is a catch 22.

    So she was looking all fine and sexy and she led me into the comfortable dentists chair, and I wanted her to close the door and jump on top of me, LMAO, just wishful thinking/daydreaming.......

    The first thing she asked me is "Are you nervous?" and I said "Yes" (In hopes of getting knocked out with the nitrous oxide laughing gas, LOL!) and she said "Dont be nervous, we arent doing anything but X-Rays, so no needles or anything" (DAMN!!!! :() Than I said "Well I did take a xanax before I came in" and she laughed and WEIRDLY ASKED ME, "Did you take a full bar?" (A bar is a 2mg xanax, they call them bars because they are bar shaped!!! LOL but she used street slang, thats what they call them on the street when you buy them, that made her look even SEXIER to me!) and I said "Yes", and smiled at her.

    So she does all the X-Rays and stuff, and they pull them up on the laptop, meanwhile iam watching "The Doctors" and than "Dr.Phil" came on with that creepy "John Edwards" psychic guy.......

    This is when he looks at me and said "It is alot worse than you even want to know" and than proceeded to tell me that all of my top teeth were bad and most of my bottom teeth were bad, and I already knew about the cracked ones which were giving me pain so I told him and the sexy lady that in advance.

    THan he told me that Iam going to need at LEASE 3 Root Canals and 2 crowns for the 2 broken teeth, I have a different tooth that needs a root canal but dosent need a crown.......

    So he was like do you want to take care of it? and I was like yeah, so he said "You are going to need some PAIN MEDICATION and Antibiotics" (FUCKING SCORE, CHA CHING!!!! Bells went off in my head, I wanted Vicodin, but I thought he would give me ALOT MORE than he did, because he gave me brother #60 but first he gave him the small amount that I got and called him in #60 more to the pharmacy....... So he gave me #14 Vicodin ES (7.5mg) #14 of them, and Amoxicillin #30 of them......

    (Part 1 of 2)

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  4. I don't agree with this, at all. I see it on FB, all the time. I think we uncover ourselves. Then, we must find a way to balance out who we are with the world and other people, but I think we have a stable root to who we are.

    Most of us have lost it, as a result of bad parenting, hard childhood experiences such as rejection or bullying etc or just the general rejection that comes with the world.

    I think the purest joy in life is finding the root of oneself and expressing it. This quote seems to say we create ourselves rather than find ourselves. I don't agree, from my perspective, anyway.

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    1. :) Good morning Dr. Monica Moo!!!!

      :) How are you?

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    2. Hi Rich :)
      I bet that nurse wanted you, too!

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    3. :) LOL! I wish!!!!! She was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

      Hopefully I will get her as my nurse again, when and if I end up going back ;)

      So how have you been lately?

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    4. Stay tuned, Rich. I think I am going to make you bad, today :D

      Raven, you were so right about the heart. That was great wisdom. Thank you for it :)

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    5. LOL "Up From The Sofa" I cant wait!!!! I just finished saving the other ones from a day that I missed this morning!

      :)

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    6. Go look. You are a badass.

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    7. They are written on the blog for the previous day.

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    8. I agree with you Monica. I believe that the self is well established by age 4. Then the questions aren't answered and the nurturing is not optimal. The self finds ways of resolving the cognitive dissonance. Thus adapting defense mechanisms to protect the self. It becomes buried under the pile of shields. One creates a "persona" of self the is self-preserving, but the true self is at the core. Being that "self" is the goal of self actualization. The " ideal self " is a self deluding creation.

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    9. Well said, RF. People seem frustrated with me that I seem to sing the same old song, again and again. I tried to make it work from the outside in and it didn't. So, I am inching my way from the inside out, one toe at a time.

      It is painful for people to watch. I understand that, but going back to being a pretty shell is not any place to which I can return, so I have no choice in the matter than to try to find my way by inching through the dark, in my failed way, perhaps, but I don't know of another that works, so it is all I have.

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    10. You have to follow that inner voice and keep going. Do not care or follow what others say. Even flattery and compliments can send you for a wrong turn by taking you off of your path. It's a constant battle. Others gain satisfaction by wathing their peers fail so that they can claim a deluded sense of superiority. It's a sickness that can fester if you allow yourself to fall into that trap.

      I never let myself go away. I'm constantly being attacked, mostly subversively. I was beaten down so bad last year when I touched the bottom, I was attacked on multiple fronts- deception, betrayal, abandonment, poison, physical abuse and tortured. Tasered 3 times! shackled and choked.
      I was shocked into reality. Literally!!
      I do not recommend shock therapy by any means. But I just laugh and smile as I swat the little mosquitos that try to pester me. Stay strong. Follow the light.

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    11. How sweet, RF. Thank you <3

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  5. (Part 2 of 2)

    At this point we are done and he says, I will have the prescriptions ready for you when you leave...... So they send me back to the waiting room, and than the sexy nurse called me back to the back, and she handed me the Amoxicillin, and than handed me the Vicodin ES and she said "The doctor said not to take a Vicodin ES until at LEAST 4-6 hours after your xanax, preferably 6 hours" than she said "Because if you take it before than or take them together, you will be "Flying High"!!!!" LMAO!!!!!! I WANNA MARRY HER!!! but she probably hates me cause I have bad teeth, she had beautiful pearly whites! Mine are nice and straight and perfect looking from when I smile, but the X-Rays show something way different and the 2 cracked ones are in the back of my mouth, they are the ones I chew with so nobody knows I have cracked teeth.

    Than I wait for the bill of what it is going to cost for all the shit to be done!!!! LOL! HERE IS THE KICKER, with my insurance, the 3 root canals will be $1,110, and I will need 2 crowns and the crowns will cost me $800!!!! WTF?!?!?!? IAM GONNA HAVE TO PROSTITUTE MYSELF TO PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!! I dont know if iam ever gonna go back unless it is alot less, that is crazy!!!!!

    I do wanna see the sexy nurse again though, because she was all like "It was nice to meet you" and I said the same and thanked her, than watched her as she walked away! LOL, watched from the back! WHOOP WHOOP! She was a keeper! She could get me pain meds and nitrous oxide and have wild dental chair sex with me if I could ever pull that one off! LOL

    But she is probably married, she wasnt wearing any rings though because she had to keep opening my mouth and putting her fingers in there for the X-rays (she had gloves on lol), but a nice fine thing like her HAS TO BE TAKEN, or maybe she is a dangerous borderline/narcissist/sociopath type, Iam really into those girls! LOL! My last two relationships we with a diagnosed sociopath and a non diagnosed DEFINATE NARCISSIST/ probable sociopath.

    Anyway, that is Rich the Uber Empaths dentist story, Iam drinking a nice sugary 4 loko with 12 % alcohol and waiting for my mom to bring me some more beers and the vicodin ES home :) LOL

    Sexy nurse lady, if you are reading this, I LOVE YOU!!!! HOLLA!!!!

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  7. I have a little very short story I wrote in my head yesterday about this precise topic, but I'm too lazy to write it down.

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  8. Back to nature (find/find-out self) vs nurture (create self). Both finding self out and creating a self are what we try to do with or without success. Easiest to do is to create a failing self in our own or others' eyes.

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  9. Your self is created starting when you are tiny. "Finding yourself" is nothing more than finding the ability to look at things without filtering them through all of the stupid shit you have been through and learning to form opinions and emotions based on raw input and not preconceptions. The thing about being born with an identity and having to find it makes for a cute fairytale, but seems like nothing more than a mindfuck for the sheep to convince themselves that deep down inside everyone is really a good person.

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    1. 'Self' is either molded and shaped from the choices you make, or the choices you make all your life are a result of who your 'Self' is.

      The age old question of free will.

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    2. Absolutely. The primary self is there from the beginnig. Look at the diffferent personalities among pre-school aged children. Even siblings close in age, shaped in the same environment and similar circumstances have dissimilar personalities- expressions of the self. Once you understand your self, you can choose to shape your own understanding of the world, and you how you wish to behave. Free will allows the self to diverge from the pleasure principle trap. That is how charater is developed, which is the facade that one displays in their social interactions.

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    3. RF CharlieDecember 5, 2012 5:39 PM

      Absolutely. The primary self is there from the beginnig. Look at the diffferent personalities among pre-school aged children. Even siblings close in age, shaped in the same environment and similar circumstances have dissimilar personalities- expressions of the self. Once you understand your self, you can choose to shape your own understanding of the world, and you how you wish to behave. Free will allows the self to diverge from the pleasure principle trap. That is how charater is developed, which is the facade that one displays in their social interactions.


      That is totally brilliant!!

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  10. @Monica

    That's just typical female attitude. Women believe they are victims/puppets of destiny...so they are always pushed and pulled through life.

    This is the source of most female psychological problems - that they feel they have no control over their lives. But when you tell them they do have control, they reject it and get angry.

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    1. What do you mean, Finder? Can you explain it, more?

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    2. finder

      You speak for all females? I don't think so. Go finish off your kool-aide.

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    3. From what I've seen, I find that there two influences.

      Peace, and violence. And of course a mix between the two.

      The one gets off on violence, fear and all that goes with it. The competition over violence... the most potential for violence.

      And then peace, which is pretty much the opposite.

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    4. @Anonymous: "You speak for all females? I don't think so. Go finish off your kool-aide."

      I said typical not all. And I love kool aid...

      @Monica: What specifically are you asking me to elaborate on?

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    5. @Monica: What specifically are you asking me to elaborate on?



      All of it ~

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    6. @Monica, without a specific question, I cannot.

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    7. OK Finder
      We will talk at another time :)

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  11. indentety= the self you can controme(/make) what you are born with (dna etc) and your surroundings

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  12. Question about sociopathy and cooperation versus preditory behaviour:

    If there were not rules of conduct and laws to prevent preditory behaviour, are there situations where sociopaths would behalf cooperatively or perhaps even altruistically of their own accord?

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    1. No. Sociopaths are immoral lizard people who dine on the tears of the naive.

      YOU ARE A FOOL TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE!!

      They'll empty your bank accounts. They'll empty your prostate. They'll even empty your sole... yeah, the one you hide your weed in. They're onto that too!

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  13. I hope to God that something good is going to happen on the 21st... I'm going to enjoy watching your little world burn.

    If nothing happens after all, we'll still have Christmas to look forward to. I bet Santa's going to give me a lump of coal for getting this excited about the end.

    I hope you all get a lump of coal from Santa.

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    1. :( DONT YOU DARE WISH THAT SANTA LEAVES ME A LUMP OF COAL!!!!!!!!

      GRRRRRR!!!!

      How can you sleep at night? LOL

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    2. the magnetic poles and no one will notice. the end. :)

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    3. *will shift*



      time for bed..

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  14. Featured comment
    Sometimes I wonder if sociopathy is a combination of intense emotional dissociation coupled with an OCD like necessity to control their environment due to not having control over the situations that formed the dissociative defense mechanisms.



    I see this comment every day and I think about it. I am dissociated. I found out my problem by searching the internet for answers. There are degrees of it. The highest degree is multiple personalities, which I don't have, thank goodness, but my heart goes out to someone who does.

    I can't feel my own feelings and the outside world is numb, too. Today a woman gave me a platitude like"just get out more and you will be OK". People don't understand that you can't just get out of it.

    I felt badly about myself when she said it. She had a sane mother and a sane environment. I think I am not going to try to explain my situation to people who don't understand, anymore.

    In my opinion, this above comment makes the most sense of anything I have heard on here about sociopaths, although I am not one, so cannot say, from personal experience.

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    1. I have said it before and i am saying it again: when you quit letting your abuse define you and quit looking at everything in the world through your mom-tinted glasses, you will look back on all of her dumb shit and the way you are stumbling through life and laugh. Everything you talk about comes from the perspective of an abused person. You just like playing the victim you fucked up little sociopath :)

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    2. I'm curious: Why would people "continue" to give Monica instructions on how to heal her pd? Really? Over and over!

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    3. Thanks, Zoe. You are a wonderful friend! I am not trying to teach anything to anyone or be anything for anyone. I just want to be able to feel, before I die. That is pretty much my personal life goal.

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    4. No, you just want to be an annoying cunt and try to prove to the world that you are more screwed up than everyone else. That is your passive-aggressive vengeance against your mother. Villifying her beyond words to a bunch of people who will never meet her and would not give a fuck if they did. The more fucked-up you prove yourself to be, the more evil she looks. The very fact that you have not ended your life proves that you are not as traumatized as you put on. Just a narc of a different color, all done in the name of attention. Notice I am not suggesting that you leave here. The sheer magnitude of your stupidity entertains me. You claim to want relief from the pain and shame, yet when you get valid advice you pick it to pieces or have one of your puppets pat you on the back so you can keep on keepin' on. Prattle on you mighty fool, some of us are gaining insight into sheep psychology with your every post.

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    5. I have said it before and i am saying it again: when you quit letting your abuse define you and quit looking at everything in the world through your mom-tinted glasses, you will look back on all of her dumb shit and the way you are stumbling through life and laugh. Everything you talk about comes from the perspective of an abused person. You just like playing the victim you fucked up little sociopath :)



      I have been thinking about what you said and you are right. The ways and means to get there is the issue.

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    6. AnonymousDecember 5, 2012 7:15 AM

      No, you just want to be an annoying cunt and try to prove to the world that you are more screwed up than everyone else. That is your passive-aggressive vengeance against your mother. Villifying her beyond words to a bunch of people who will never meet her and would not give a fuck if they did. The more fucked-up you prove yourself to be, the more evil she looks. The very fact that you have not ended your life proves that you are not as traumatized as you put on. Just a narc of a different color, all done in the name of attention. Notice I am not suggesting that you leave here. The sheer magnitude of your stupidity entertains me. You claim to want relief from the pain and shame, yet when you get valid advice you pick it to pieces or have one of your puppets pat you on the back so you can keep on keepin' on. Prattle on you mighty fool, some of us are gaining insight into sheep psychology with your every post



      Lol

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    7. You are on the right track, still wrong mindset. You look at fixing yourself as a chore or job, something that stays up on its pedestal and twinkles down at you from on high. The more you think about the past, the more it ingrains itself as a habit. When you do think about it, it should be fuel for the fire inside that motivates you to be strong and not as a reminder of how bad someone else can make you feel. At the core level, no one else can influence your feelings. You make a decision, whether you know it consciously or not, to let others make you feel a certain way. If you remind yourself on a regular basis that you own your thoughts and emotions, well then that will become a habit also. You are right, it is a process. However it need not be a long drawn out process. Observe your thoughts and behavior constantly and determine why certain things "provoke" a response inside of you, then focus on changing that response. One step at a time. Before you know it, you are one of those strong people who controls their own destiny and you did it all by yourself :)

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    8. AnonymousDecember 5, 2012 9:34 AM

      You are on the right track, still wrong mindset. You look at fixing yourself as a chore or job, something that stays up on its pedestal and twinkles down at you from on high. The more you think about the past, the more it ingrains itself as a habit. When you do think about it, it should be fuel for the fire inside that motivates you to be strong and not as a reminder of how bad someone else can make you feel. At the core level, no one else can influence your feelings. You make a decision, whether you know it consciously or not, to let others make you feel a certain way. If you remind yourself on a regular basis that you own your thoughts and emotions, well then that will become a habit also. You are right, it is a process. However it need not be a long drawn out process. Observe your thoughts and behavior constantly and determine why certain things "provoke" a response inside of you, then focus on changing that response. One step at a time. Before you know it, you are one of those strong people who controls their own destiny and you did it all by yourself :)

      What a doll. Thank you! xx

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    9. I have been really thinking about this, Anon.It is very powerful.

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    10. It's only powerful if you use it. Otherwise it is just words.

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    11. Yes, dear one. You are right but coming out of numb is not a linear process. When I struggle, once again, people jump all over me, as if I made no progress.

      It seems like a very slow climb up from being deep underwater. One wise set of words, like yours, is a key, but no single key can make the person jump from way below the sea level to the surface <3

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    12. Dear, people don't jump on you for not making progress. They jump on you because you come across as wallowing in pain and shame. That makes you sound like a pathological victim, which makes you an easy target. An easy target among bored people guarantees that person will be targeted. Obviously some people here are willing to help you, but you should really find a way to be more interesting about it lol. Maybe some more real life examples of what is going on and specifics aboit how you interact with others?

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    13. When I come here, I feel safe. I know that seems strange, as it is one of the most not safe places, perhaps. I just know that whatever I get will be honest, even if it is mean or nasty. I can't stand fake. I had so much fake shoved down my throat that I can't take another inch. I don't trust myself to identify what is fake or not, when it comes to my own life. When I come here, if I get comfort, I know it is coming from a real place. If I get called a bad name, I know it is coming from a real place. If I get love, I know it is coming from a real place. I, in my turn, am real about who I am because I need to show someone who I, truly, am-- no lies, no fake fronts, no political correctness. So, my goal is not to be accepted, per se. It is to come out of being numb.

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    14. Do you ever wonder if the numb isn't a phase at all, but perhaps a fine example of nurture contributing to sociopathy? I feel pretty numb myself when nothing interesting is happening...

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    15. I didn't realize sociopaths are sooo helpful and kind to their fellow man. I'm impressed. But of course there is something for the helpful sociopath?

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    16. AnonymousDecember 6, 2012 9:49 AM

      Do you ever wonder if the numb isn't a phase at all, but perhaps a fine example of nurture contributing to sociopathy? I feel pretty numb myself when nothing interesting is happening...




      I remember the exact moment I went numb. I remember the fog going over me. The minute before I was pretty normal. I had a lot of anxiety, panic attacks and phobias, which does not sound normal, I know, but I was happy inside myself and I was not numb. Numb is one of the worst things. I know there are things which are worse, but it is a prison from which you want to scream, "Let me out" but it is hopeless, so you give up.

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    17. AnonymousDecember 6, 2012 9:49 AM

      I didn't realize sociopaths are sooo helpful and kind to their fellow man. I'm impressed. But of course there is something for the helpful sociopath?



      I don't know, but I have gotten a lot of love, here. When I get it, I know it is real. I have gotten a lot of abuse, too, but I can walk away from it, now, and it doesn't really bother me, so that means a lot. There are a few people on here that I really care about and who could hurt me, but a jerk like UKan could call me whore and loser, all day long and I laugh. I am laughing at his stupid antics to Tom, on the Forum. What an effing moron UKan is lol

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    18. It took many steps by choice to become numb and it will take many steps to become whole. But lies, gas lighting and taking the "better than" position makes the process slow or non existent. Gee, I thought letting go of the "ego" on a moment and daily basis was the answer.

      This is the answer but too few are willing to pay the price.

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    19. AnonymousDecember 6, 2012 10:05 AM

      It took many steps by choice to become numb and it will take many steps to become whole. But lies, gas lighting and taking the "better than" position makes the process slow or non existent. Gee, I thought letting go of the "ego" on a moment and daily basis was the answer.

      This is the answer but too few are willing to pay the price.

      Can you explain this, more, in detail? Thanks.

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    20. Are you telling me that I am lying, gaslighting and taking the better than" position?

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    21. Everyone, pays a huge price to numb. And it is a choice.

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    22. Only YOU would know the answer to 10:09.

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    23. Gee, I thought letting go of the "ego" on a moment and daily basis was the answer.




      I think you are right and this is the answer.

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    24. Monica,
      You explain the "ego" to me. :)

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    25. I am glad you asked because I was going to say something and then realized it would not make sense.

      The ego comes about because we are separate from God. Without separation from God, there was no ego.
      All ego comes from this separation, as it makes for an "I, Me and Mine" mental state. This is what is "ego". We can't help having an ego, as it is inherent to the human being. The degree of it, we can help but it's existence, we cannot.

      The more insecure the person, the bigger ego. The more confident the person, the more the ego is tamed. The latter is a genuine humility, which is my goal, although it is a hard goal to reach, and I am far from it.

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    26. There can be many things in the "ego." One of them is the false "self" that creates havoc with the true self within.

      The philosopher Descartes believed that he had found the most fundamental truth when he made his famous statement: "I think, therefore I am."

      The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that we use our minds wrongly---we usually don't use it at all. It uses you. We believe that we are our mind. This is the delusion.

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    27. There can be many things in the "ego." One of them is the false "self" that creates havoc with the true self within.



      The false self was created from the "separateness" from God, first, and then other humans. The separate feeling makes up feel we have to strive, to be 'someone", to get money, prestige,etc etc. The bottom line reason is because we are afraid of not being good enough and not being enough.

      All fear is from the ego. The false self is constructed because of this fear.

      If you have ever seen people who have had NDE's, they are very peaceful. They have lost much of their ego, in the ONLY way one truly can imho. They have realized that the separateness is not true. Hence, the ego diminishes without struggle.

      I am a Born Again Christian, so I come from a Biblical perspective.

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    28. The true way to diminish the ego imo is to know that God loves you. That way, you have the most freedom from other people's opinions of your value, which leads to the striving to be rich, beautiful, popular etc. Instead, your self value is based on your position with God and you are loved "as is" I am getting a very, small taste of this freedom. It is the best thing going, but it is very slow, for me, because I have a lot of junk to empty out :P

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    29. If you have ever seen people who have had NDE's, they are very peaceful. They have lost much of their ego.

      Regardless, of their experience they still have to practice letting go of their ego.

      I believe that "living in the present" not our past or future is how we let go of the ego.

      Jesus practiced this. I am christian.

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    30. AnonymousDecember 6, 2012 12:24 PM

      If you have ever seen people who have had NDE's, they are very peaceful. They have lost much of their ego.

      Regardless, of their experience they still have to practice letting go of their ego.

      I believe that "living in the present" not our past or future is how we let go of the ego.

      Jesus practiced this. I am christian.


      You are 100% right. It is very hard not to act on one's ego.

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    31. You are 100% right about living in the present, too. Thanks for the much needed reminder!

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    32. It's nice that you stay so upbeat about it. You are still tuned in to the pitiful victim frequency though.

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    33. Tell me about your life. We are anonymous.

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    34. Im not looking for help, I don't have to share :b

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  15. AnonymousDecember 4, 2012 3:57 PM

    I have said it before and i am saying it again: when you quit letting your abuse define you and quit looking at everything in the world through your mom-tinted glasses, you will look back on all of her dumb shit and the way you are stumbling through life and laugh. Everything you talk about comes from the perspective of an abused person. You just like playing the victim you fucked up little sociopath :)




    I would do anything to be there, but for real, not just talk. How can you do anything or go anyplace and have it matter or mean anything, when it all feels the same-- numb and far away.

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    1. you put yourself out there and go through the motions. again and again and again. that's how. the mattering and meaning always comes after the doing. you're the sum total of what you do not what was done to you. why wouldn't you feel numb if you do nothing but think about the past? if you sit in a dark room without any stimulation you're going to stagnate and eventually stop feeling much of anything. monica, your thoughts are that dark room.

      if i'm walking down the street and a random stranger hits me, there is nothing of me there. i was a handy prop for the other. but if i hit a random stranger, now that's revealing. we don't get to choose our parents, and so in a way your mother was that random stranger and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. just a prop.

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    2. i think the more we create the self from the past the more numb and far away it must feel. whether it's being a victim or movie star. even if it was something good, the freshness would be gone. the former star could work at reviving her career, but what can the victim work at?

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    3. I think victim will blame themselves. This is inner victim status.

      There is no room for victimhood when creating new self.

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  16. Emptying bank accounts makes me happy. Delving into emotional squabbles is boring.

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  17. Creating is an artistic expression. I feel creating me to fit the scenario is art.

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    1. Nice… That yours?

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    2. Is what mine Virus? The words? Apparently. ;-)

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    3. Very nice Lunar, i agree :)

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  18. Each morning, Raven and Elicit shared Edvard's pastries and coffee. They would shut the office door but one could hear laughter and hushed voices. Each was wary. Each had given too much, at one point in her life. Each had vowed never to do it, again. However, loneliness and the general need to touch another person became greater than the walls. They started to let the other in, to a small degree, still testing the waters, as neither was a fool.

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  19. UKan had been eying Virus to the point where Virus felt he had to take matters into his own hands. Virus told UKan he would break his neck, with his bare hands, if UKan didn't stop looking at him with that come hither look (complete with eyeliner)

    Virus told UKan to go into the Greater Miami area, where UKan could get enough action to satisfy a gay kid in a candy shop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my god, Sofa. All time favorite episode so far.

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  20. Zoe may I ask this? Have ever been cheated on?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. no that i know of. but i'm not the jealous type. why do you ask?

      Delete
  21. Monica did not know what to make of her interlude with Literary Anon. She was obsessed with it, although she locked her door for the last ten minutes of every hour. For his part, LA was ignoring her, giving her cold stares or flirting with Medusa, who was paying some attention, although one could never tell with Medusa.

    The way Literary Anon had touched her reminded her of bizarre food combinations such as chocolate covered potato chips and chocolate covered pretzels,even peanut butter and banana, when you slathered it on.

    When Monica did not feel good, she liked to be near food. She liked to touch food and feel it's textures. She made jarred salads with rows of green cilantro, red tomato and white cauliflower, so that it looked like the Italian flag.

    Food was mixed with nurture. Nurture was mixed with sex. Love was mixed with nurture and sex and her mother touching her when she was too young to know what was happening. So it went around in a circle, until she was furiously preparing jars of food and eating them until her stomach hurt.

    No lover, as of yet, had pushed her over the edge where a cauliflower salad that looked like the Italian flag did not bring her back to reality, if you could call it that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone who comes to visit this site are actually morbidly obese in reality.

      Delete
    2. 'Stand still, while I crush you under my tremendous weight!'

      That's why they're such schemers, since they can't move around much, they have to plan really intensely in order to accomplish their goal.

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    3. for those of us who have fallen behind in the reading it's too bad these aren't all in one place :)

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    4. I know. I will try to make them one after the other on the previous day. Thanks for reading, Zoe!

      Delete
  22. Zoe, I want you to read my favorite one, so I will put it here, for you. I write on the day before, so as not to disturb the Comment Section.



    Up From The Sofa

    Rich looked as if he had not slept in a week. He was driving outside of Bluebirds apartment, every night. She had one room mate, a hottie and the loser boyfriend who was managing to sleep with both of them. Hell if Rich could get a glimpse of that.

    Bluebird, either, wore the same thing every day or had a wardrobe of blue hoodies because she never deviated from the same look--and I mean the EXACT same. Bluebird was plain looking, not the caliber of woman to whom Rich was, usually, attracted. Rich had different plans for Blue hooded Bluebird. Maybe, Grandma Rich would turn into the wolf when Bluebird checked the bed.

    However, Rich took a sharp detour from his attention to BB when he had an unexpected dental appointment. The dental assistant was Rich's dream woman. She was signalling she wanted Rich. He could tell in how she gently touched his mouth with her long pink nails. She lingered a moment or two longer, next to his chair, as she asked him if he had much dental decay. At his next dental appointment, he would ask her out for a drink. That tattoo on her neck told Rich all he needed to know about how she performed en la cama. They would swing from the chandeliers, if he could get mom, step dad and goofy uncle to go out for a night.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Crazy but my friend who ended up having an affair with my husband was a sociopath. She said for the full year she was having the affair with him I am my truest authentic self around you and your family. She must have said this to keep me fooled. She is my x friend now and it's sad she is so messed up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that's fucked up.

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    2. So... Is he still your husband?

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  24. Discovering that you are no one important lol

    ReplyDelete

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