Friday, December 7, 2012

Life hacking

I enjoy reading research from behavioral economists, to learn more about why I and those around me do the things that we do -- what are our natural tendencies, inclinations, etc. I've been casually  following the field for the past decade or so. Initially its findings were sort of met with uproar by some, particularly from those who believe in a stronger form of free will than the evidence would suggest. When confronted with how easy it was to fool the average person or get them to behave with cruelty, there was disbelief and offense. I loved reading about these studies because they confirmed some of my suspicions about human nature and gave me insight into other areas of human behavior that I had not previously considered.

Now I read these studies more as a how-to for "life hacking," improving the quality of my life and making it easier on myself to think and behave the way that I think is optimal given my circumstances. That's why I liked this passage from the introduction of Dan Ariely's latest book, via Brain Pickings:

In addition to exploring the forces that shape dishonesty, one of the main practical benefits of the behavioral economics approach is that it shows us the internal and environmental influences on our behavior. Once we more clearly understand the forces that really drive us, we discover that we are not helpless in the face of our human follies (dishonesty included), that we can restructure our environment, and that by doing so we can achieve better behaviors and outcomes.

I think this is important for everyone, but perhaps particularly the personality disordered. Writing the blog and doing the research that I have done in the area of sociopathy has been largely targeted to do just this -- undertand the internal and environmental influences on my behavior so that I can restructure what I can for better outcomes.

I've learned a lot about myself over the years and I continue to learn about myself. Even on this recent trip, one of my traveling companions accused me of objectifying her -- treating her as just another thing to be managed. I would manage her the same way I would manage transfers between hotels and airports even though she is professedly one of my favorite people. I realized I have defaulted into this mode with everyone for the past couple of months, had gradually slipped into it without realizing. Of course I wish that she hadn't told me through a tearful and sudden outburst while I was in the middle of troubleshooting some technical problem, but still I was glad that she was able to pinpoint what exactly about my behavior was upsetting her. It took a while to remember why and how to admire/love her, but I did so by trying to remember past happy times, smelling her clothes, sitting unnecessarily close to her, etc. Creepy? I think so too, but it worked. The more I learn about myself, the more empowered I feel.

84 comments:

  1. "‘Obesity’ is a clinical term used to describe excess body fat associated with increased risks to health.

    Being obese can increase the risk of diseases such as type 2 diabetes, cancer and heart disease.

    Not only does obesity affect people’s health, their lives
    and the lives of their families, but it places a large financial burden on the NHS and the wider economy."

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  2. first! Now suck on destiny

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  3. Obesity’ is a clinical term used to describe a gire who's to fat to run away so i can take my time to rape here

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. now squeal like a piggy

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    2. Please, do away with your distasteful self.

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    3. XD it's SW so I guess you can say shit like this.

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    4. this place needs more gore

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    5. scare away all the softies

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    6. Pfft... How about less deranged drunkards?

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    7. you must be a weak little thing or just lazy :)

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  4. mental picture doinging you in?

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  5. That was very sweet about M.E smelling her clothes. As I get more sane, I see we all have a child part and if you can engage that in yourself and others, you can avoid many pitfalls and can have many wonderful experiences, too.

    Most people want to be loved and accepted, like I do. I knew this before I went numb. Now, I am coming out of being numb and realizing it, again. Being here, where people are honest and say what is on their minds, has been one of the biggest factors in helping me come to this realization.

    I am starting to dare that I can be happy.

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    Replies
    1. monica, ever since coming here i have enjoyed your posts.
      thankyou to you and M.E. for being forthright. you both and a couple of other regulars have helped me beyond words enter into minds with different thought processes than my own. in words i understand even if i have not experianced an hour in your lives.
      to M.E. that is sweet. it's all anyone can do. try and compromise in the bad times and hold onto the memories of the good times and allow no little irks to dilute them. thankyou for your posts and i look forward to reading more and following your journies.
      take care all

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  6. "Creepy? I think so too, but it worked. The more I learn about myself, the more empowered I feel."

    Obviously it took hard work to get where you are now. How difficult can it be for a sociopath to introspectly say I want to do something about my life.

    Just curious. What would be the tolerance level of a sociopath/disordered personality regarding affection. Tolerate or disgusted by it.

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    Replies
    1. That was very sweet about M.E smelling her clothes
      i wash mine

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    2. 8:06

      ^^^After you wash them to you snuggle up to them and embrace them as a lover? Do you get warmth and positive feedback from them that makes you deliriously happy? You're a scary guy.

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    3. Clothes retain smells after washing ~

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    4. Try using detergent.

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    5. Clothes smell like people. I know people's smells for people I know well. You could give me an item and I could tell you who it was :D

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  7. Empaths are like silently ticking emotional timebombs. Before you even know they need to be defused, they explode on you. I think it's because they really do care for us, that they will be patient and hide the fact that we set them off.

    As for free will, I often feel like I'm trapped in my own set of programmed behaviors. Outwardly I seek comfort, entertainment, and success in my work, but inwardly I'm in a sort of lull, like I'm daydreaming. Handling people without getting on their nerves requires an amount of effort that I cannot muster. It's like boredom that no behavior can dispel. I need something to truly be excited about, some anticipation that can drive me out of this stupor.

    Also, I'm pretty sure M.E. is male now. Girls aren't cast in that size of creepy.

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    Replies
    1. mixing up lack of empathy and Shallow affect
      commen mistake
      N O O B

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    2. Explain, please.

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    3. Empaths are like silently ticking emotional timebomb
      look at aspi's they can have empaty and shallow affect
      they are not ticking timeboms

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    4. Sociopaths are also ticking emotional time bombs. Apparently you're not aware that anger and rage, are emotions.

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    5. I don't rage, though. I'll put up with someone else's bullshit for as long as there's still value in maintaining a relationship. When there's no more value, I end it. I certainly get angry, but I almost never act out of anger.

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    6. "I'll put up with someone else's bullshit for as long as there's still value in maintaining a relationship. When there's no more value, I end it."

      see, here you are very much like me, but I don't like to lose people so I end up staying past their (our ??) due date. I wait for them to do something unacceptable or unforgivable so it is easier to walk away, and where i can be the injured party.
      Eventually they will do something. I make sure to pick ones with enough bad character so that isn't very hard~

      I would like to be able to make a decision like you, and leave someone before this drama occurs. I would like to leave exactly when i don't see the value. I think that I must have too much guilt about doing that, though. Also, i know i do the push pull thing, so i dont want to do anything hastily. I also do not want to let them see the push pulll thing because it will give them license to misbehave on me again.

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    7. I have adopted the policy "when you show me who you are - I believe you."

      It takes 2 episodes - not 20 but TWO! And EVERYONE shows who they truly are and their agenda.

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    8. EarwigDecember 8, 2012 10:49 AM
      I don't rage, though. I'll put up with someone else's bullshit for as long as there's still value in maintaining a relationship. When there's no more value, I end it. I certainly get angry, but I almost never act out of anger.


      I'd say you're completely full of shit, Ear. Just another robopath, come here to prove how un-human you are. I've no more interest in what you have to say from this point on. A hundred of you come to this site every year, and it's always the same lies.

      Delete
    9. Yeah, 11:41

      Yeah, why do we want to be the injured party?

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    10. Oh, Mr. Raven Dark, please don't ignore me! I'm different, I'm special!

      I'm aware that I'm completely full of shit. If you want honesty, here's a slice. I only post anything here to lay my thoughts down, and if someone responds, I gain the opportunity to reflect on them. Your job is to serve as a mirror, and the reflection tells me that I do a poor job of explaining myself.

      Normal people in a relationship will drop subtle clues that they're upset, and people like me will invariably miss these clues. Thus, when they suffer an emotional meltdown, it seems to come from nowhere. They are ticking until this point, but the ticking is inaudible to me. I will be genuinely confused as to why they are suddenly upset.

      I, on the other hand, offer no clues as I get close to ending a relationship. I will tell people what I want from them, what they need to change, but perhaps they see it as unimportant, as I don't offer the subtle emotional cues they are seeking. Thus, when I choose to end a relationship, they are shocked. They are genuinely confused and have no idea where it came from.

      I don't send signals, and neither do I receive them. I guess a half-solution would be to inject some feeling into my complaints when I have an issue with someone. If someone has an issue with me, I can usually talk them down, as their anger don't incite anger in me.

      Thanks! You've been helpful.

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    11. You can also read some books of human behaviour to get a better glimpse at them.

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    12. What in the hell was that?^ lol

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    13. I know, it was an expression.

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    14. Mee
      "A cooky advice."

      No i meant the earwig 120 post. Sounds postal

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    15. Sorry, I usually associate anons with monkeys which are using computers but still are too dumb to register. What else do you know?

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    16. 153, for god's sake, can you make up your mind?

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    17. Mee
      153 "cooky" was a typing error for "cocky." But after your monkey remark who gives a shit

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    18. Anyway, we have a similar opinion on the matter. Mr. E. Sounds like he's suffering from autism or ptsd.

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    19. Mee 204
      I agree

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    20. Earwig 1:20
      Your post sounds as if you are powerful but most know that when someone makes us angry - they have already conquered us.

      Delete
    21. It's kind of funny that you have to put a mask on to be taken seriously here. Sure, I'm full of shit and messed up in the head, but I'm also posting comments on sociopathworld.com

      Anywho, I appreciate the comments. Whenever I post anything on the internet, people tend to get annoyed and/or pissed at me. I'll attempt to come off as less autistic next time :)

      Delete
    22. 11:41
      we have to be the injured party so they can feel their stupid guilt. Guilt is punishing, and if they think they brought it on themselves, all the better.

      Delete
    23. I have adopted the policy "when you show me who you are - I believe you."

      It takes 2 episodes - not 20 but TWO! And EVERYONE shows who they truly are and their agenda.

      I could not agree with you more. And they will be consistent with all their associates so it's easy to see the future. Everyone is consistent. MOST, that is.

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    24. On this week's episode of Are You Cooler Than a Sociopath, Earwig steps up to exert his superiority over the human race!!

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    25. Your post sounds as if you are powerful but most know that when someone makes us angry - they have already conquered us.
      Well there is a difference between being angered, but resisting and acting out. It is normal for anyone to be angry, the reaction this emotion provokes separates winners from losers.

      Mr.E., I haven't seen you before and can only form an opinion based on what I saw here, so feel free to chat me up when we'll meet again.

      Delete
  8. VEGITOPATH SATISFIED W/ UKANDecember 8, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    TEEEHEEEE JEFF K. INTURNET SCREEMING TEEEHEEEE









































































































































































































































































































    TEEHEE

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    Replies
    1. Teehee, no one gives a duck about your useless tirade, teehee
      Go kill yourself and film it and ask relatives to post the vid here, teehee

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    2. LOL! That would be way more entertaining than what he/she just posted ;)

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    3. The Teehee is UKan. He does this anytime he gets dissed. Watch the pattern and you will see.

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  9. Man this blog is getting gayer and gayer.

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    Replies
    1. How's that, aspie?

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    2. so introspectively feely feelyish

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    3. All of that shit is just smoke and mirrors aspie. It won't be long before we are entertained again ;)

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  10. Hey ME you missed Thursday and Saturday.

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  11. Every Sunday for 3 months, Rich and Medusa spent a few hours laying on their backs on her colorful tribal rug whilst ..........listening to jazz, can ya dig? She'd order Indian, and he'd bring a rare, full-bodied wine, gifted to him by SDCEO, his new bud. The succulent spices, fine wine and music was heaven.

    This wasn't the kind of friendship either of them ever had. They didn't share much about their backgrounds mostly because Medusa'd zone out when Rich started to drone on and on. But as an uber-empath, Rich tuned in to her immediately. He was all too willing to shut it, close his eyes and just be.

    In that time, her gorgeous curls started to grow back in and she'd stopped gnawing on her cuticles. Her piano player hands were strong and beautiful. -Like her, Rich mused. Christ, even with all that off-the-hook tail he was getting, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

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  12. Love it, Fake Medusa.
    It is delicious :D

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    Replies
    1. thank you, it is nice for you to say.

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    2. @Fake Medusa
      You are a natural writer and a natural psychologist. My small writing amount of writing, on here, has changed my life because I can be myself, for the first time in my life.

      I can open the dark doors and let the light in. People tell me about it. I can see myself from their eyes and then I can see myself through my eyes.

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  13. Thanks, M.E. I love studying my mind and others'...glad to learn the term "BEHAVIORAL ECONOMY"...glad you took vaca but this "off the sofa" soap opera hacking is not what I came here for, even if it is funny.
    Keep posting, please. I like learning more about humans.

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  14. loosen up. you don't have to eat the squid, if you just like shrimp.

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  15. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLNql9aAjf0

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  16. When you have no one to protect you, you damn better learn about power, young and well. You damn better not let anyone take an inch because that inch could become a foot and take you down as fast as stepping in quicksand, when you thought it was a leisurely hole. If it was you or them, it better be them.

    Monica's real family was in books, with the exception of her grandmother, who was 3 D. Books were the real alternate universe for a kid whose world rocked like L.A in an earthquake. Books were hope, but they were, also, fucking stark reality. Fucking stark reality is what kept you out of mental institutions. It was THE precious commodity. Books showed her what happened when people let themselves be fucked, rather than fuck first. She vowed to fuck first or do nothing, which was preferable. She was not war like, but survival is survival and it belonged to the fucker and not the fuckee, but when things got too bad and the maelstrom hit, she forgot all about who was whom.

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    Replies
    1. I will survive, I will surVIVE!

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    2. I've just been catching up on several days' worth. You really have come a long way, Sofa. The writing flows well, the characters are believable and it's actually quite enjoyable.

      Might have overdone the "fucking" a bit in this latest one, but some good, strong points in it. I've no doubt there will be people on here who can identify with this, even if they don't admit it. Your writing might end up not just entertaining, but also helping others face their own issues while you explore yours.

      Anais Nin once said: "If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it."
      Keep going, show us what you're really made of.

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    3. I think this installment could be my most favorite so far, Sofa.

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    4. Thank you, Elicit!

      Delete
  17. Yes, you are right. It sounds like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas.
    Thank you, LA. I appreciate your comments, so very much <3

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  18. At 9 years old. Monica went from flat as a board to cleavage, her period and pubic hair. Her mother told her that only peasants have their period at 9. Her breasts grew until they were 36C, the size of a good size woman and she was not even allowed to shave her legs. The first time she worn nylons was for a school trip to the Science Museum. Her leg hair was plastered flat against her nylons like someone's disgusting cousin, when he first grew a beard. She looked at other girls legs, smooth in their nylons. Her mother told her she was not mature enough to shave her legs That was for for big women.

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    Replies
    1. Men looked at her. They looked like they wanted to eat her up and not, even leave the bones. Her mother had that look. Then, she wanted to die. When men looked at her, she started shaking. When the shaking ended, she was rubbery and could barely walk. She never told anyone because only crazy people act like this.

      When little girls were playing with Barbies, she was pulling her woman sized breasts flat with a man's undershirt and layers of clothes, so she could be the same as the other girls: a child, not a bizarre mutant, lost somewhere between childhood and womanhood and not able to find her way back.

      Delete
  19. loving the writing upfromthesofa :) have you gathered all these snippets together somewhere?

    if you are all into quite gloomy writings, have you ever heard or read any of joolz denby's stuff by any chance? it's very much the 'tone.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Gnome
      I will check joolz denby out on Amazon. I appreciate your comment so much.

      Delete
  20. you are very welcome.

    ReplyDelete

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