Sunday, December 9, 2012

Trust

I've been meaning to write about trust for a while now, but thought I would just share a short note I once wrote to a loved one about it:
We were talking about trust last night and I was thinking about it after I left and more this morning. I used to be terrible at trust. I didn't even understand it. Growing up there wasn't really anything around to trust, so it didn't even enter my worldview until adulthood. But I eventually learned about trust and now I really rely on it. I have such a flexible personality, and am so easily entreated for good and bad, but I have a very strong desire to always do the right thing. So I try to surround myself with people I trust, and people whose opinions I trust. Because I am so easily influenced, I try to be very discriminating about what influences I surround myself with. I need people I trust, not just to keep their word, but to help me be my best self. I need people whom I trust will have my best interest at heart and whose judgment I trust, because one day I may substitute their judgment for my own -- and that takes a lot of trust. It's like being blind and having someone lead you. It's like knowing you're prone to hallucinations and trusting others to let you know what's real and what's not. It takes a lot for me to trust people, but I trust you. I trust you with my life.

138 comments:

  1. M.E. -- I cannot imagine growing up without anyone to trust. That must have had an enormous effect on your worldview.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is every typical empath's life story, ever. Not their real story, just what they convince themselves and repeat to others over and over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have never heard anything more idiotic than your remark.

      Delete
    2. I don't think its idiotic.

      I've also heard this a few times before, usually when someone's very much in love.

      Delete
    3. What does being in love have to do with empath's behavior?

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    4. Haven't you noticed?

      They're pretty miserable when they're not in love...

      Delete
    5. I'm sorry to learn about your situation then.

      Delete
    6. But I do see that narcissists/sociopaths miserable when they are not playing games. Games bring shallow emotions to the surface and amplify them enough so that they can feel pleasure.

      Without these games, they are simply under a horrid game of control of themselves.

      Delete
    7. 11:04
      what situation?

      Delete
    8. Yeah I guess a Narc\Socio's day isn't complete without ruining someone elses.

      Delete
    9. I'm sorry for your situation then

      Delete
    10. I thought about it a little, you could be right about the games part, its not really love when it only comes and goes as it pleases, right?

      But still, we all need someone to love. Or, something, as it happens in some cases.

      Delete
    11. And I guess those have the love of games, right?

      Delete
    12. What do you think?

      If you're unable to love then you might as well be some pointless automaton whose sole purpose in life is to aggravate others in an attempt to validate its existence.

      Right?

      Delete
    13. 11:53
      "If you're unable to love then you might as well be some pointless automation whole sole purpose in life is to aggravate others in an attempt to validate its existence."

      This is TRUE about those that do the MOST games in here.

      Delete
    14. That's what the Sofa is for, isn't it?

      Delete
    15. Anon 11:37
      What a bizarre statement when responding to my 11:04 post. Why bring love into my statement. It truly shows how you put a spin on others posts and how unstable you are.

      Delete
    16. I don't expect you to understand.

      Don't break your head over it.

      Delete
    17. 12:38
      "I don't expect you to understand."

      Oh, but I do. You remind me of the people in Scott Peck's book, "The People of the Lie." There is always lies, spins, and confusion when dealing with them. And YOU are one of them.

      Delete
    18. Yes, I'm sure you've got me all figured out there.

      Why do you feel the need to keep invalidating my posts?
      Accusing me again and again?

      The readers can judge for themselves.

      Delete
    19. 12:52
      "Yes, I'm sure you've got me all figured out there."

      Ah, huh, the people in Scott Peck's book were "evil."
      They, too, could not handle it when they were challenged.

      I was not trying to impress the readers, at all. That's your department.

      Delete
    20. I'll take that as a compliment.
      Not even trying...

      That would explain why you're constantly accusing me of being 'evil'.

      Delete
    21. 1:25
      "That would explain why you're constantly accusing me of being "evil."

      Constantly? Get some much needed help!

      Delete
    22. The subscriber you have dialled is not available at present, please try again later.

      *beep!*

      Delete
    23. Oh, you just reminded me how childish "malignant narcissists" are and "how they have to win.

      Go for it!

      Delete
    24. Thank you for continuing to share your
      valuable feedback with us.

      Delete
    25. What? Iam an Empath and I always had one person I trusted in my life, My mother. I never trusted my father and was scared of him though, so maybe that made me love and trust my mother all the more because I had more trust and love to give since I didnt have to spread it out to 2 parents.

      I can honestly say I have never loved my father, not real love anyway, not the kind of love I feel for my mother who was actually caring and there for me growing up.

      Delete
    26. Yes... please continue sharing the riveting story of your life with us.

      Delete
  3. did u trust this loved one 'with your life' because you don't care about your life? Don't care what path it takes?

    Thought SP's don't have loved ones?

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  4. "Though SP's don't have loved ones?"

    That's orphans you moron.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think he meant the above in literal terms.

      The Sociopath mind is a mystery to anyone who possesses a conscience.

      Its like trying to understand how its possible for a vehicle to be driving around without a driver.
      Imagine that.

      Delete
  5. That's how I feel about trust.I wish someone that I adore would write that to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have to be trustworthy for that to happen. Wish'n don't make it so

      Delete
    2. It's easy to garner trust, that's what SP's rely on, your misplaced trust.

      Delete
  6. I personally find trust difficult, simply because I was raised (both intentionaly and subliminally) that trust was bad. My father, (a malignant narcissist) raised me not to trust anyone, adn that probalbly seriously influenced my outcome as a sociopath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. May I ask, is there a type of person you WILL trust?
      I have my types but I still go in and out with them.

      Delete
  7. I can only trust people in degrees - most of those, barely if at all. I don't know if I could ever fully trust someone, even if I wanted to. I've tried in the past.

    It almost seems like a naive goal. Can you ever truly trust someone and not have that trust damaged eventually?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. as someone with maybe too much trust, this might be seen as exposing my throat to the wolves.. but...
      TNP you say you have tried to trust people in the past and i assume this was unsuccessful?

      can i ask what makes you want to trust people and does that mean you feel anything towards people apart from your own pleasure please? am trying to gain understanding of the sliding scale of extreme empath ( doormat to the world) and extreme spth.
      thanks.
      take care all

      Delete
  8. I need people I trust, not just to keep their word, but to help me be my best self. I need people whom I trust will have my best interest at heart and whose judgment I trust, because one day I may substitute their judgment for my own

    Yes, yes M.E.
    You need people you can trust. But the question is, can they trust you in return? My guess is: No they can't. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "But the question is, can they trust you in return? My guess is: No they can't. :) "

      Ahhh… seeing this first thing in the morning is a "real eye-opener". I have problems trusting because I know how dishonest I am. Why would anyone trust me? Then why should I trust anyone?

      Delete
    2. I made the conscious decision,at 13,that I must be seeing life wrong. I saw people as being very selfish, very ego driven, but capable of great good, too, because I saw myself, as being like this.

      Then, my mother told me I was crazy and whacked. She sent me to shrinks and more shrinks. By the end of that time, I was whacked, too. I lost this simple understanding, which I am now getting again, from being here.
      Thank you M.E and SW <3

      Delete
    3. Raven. The kind of trust of which you speak I have given to my friend but he takes it for granted. Yet he keeps sharing most aspect of his life with me and if I should ask him if he trusts me he will not give an answer.

      I don't know if he is playing a power game but in sharing his life with me he won't answer some questions I might ask. I just let him be.

      Delete
    4. maybe your friend doesnt trust anyone and it hasn't anything to do with you. I don't trust most people and i aint telling any of them I don't trust them. Why should i? so they can go out of their way to prove it, and then rip the rug out from underneath me later on?

      No one can be completely trustworthy. -This not my philosophy. it was how I was raised, too. And every single time I try to trust I lose. Even if it's not really true, my perception is that I got fucked.

      It's good you let him be. It's the most respectful and loving thing you can do with a person with trust issues. Ever around a feral cat and ask it to come out and play?

      And how do you know he takes it for granted? I take no one for granted AND I don't trust people. It isnt that i just want to appreciate them so i can use them, either. It just is what it is. It's the best I can do.

      Delete
    5. He takes it for granted in the sense that he will share deep personal matters with me; yet some much simplier matter he wont discuss when I asked.

      I suppose he shares his life with me because he knows I am confidential and trustworthy to great degree. Even if we are no longer friends his secrets will still remain secrets. I gather too that he might value my opinion as most of his plans and decisions are shared with me. For whatever reason he not very trusting of women.

      Anyway as I gain more understanding of sociopathy I just let him be as I have mentioned. I also try as best to protect myself but not compete with him in anyway.

      Thank you Anon 11:44PM

      Delete
    6. u are most welcome. May i ask if you are a sociopath?

      Delete
    7. No. I am not but have one of sort to deal with to and extent. The friendship is mostly good.

      Delete
    8. oh. this friend you are talking about is a sociopath?
      I'm not getting "taking for granted " in your description. Are you sure you mean taking for granted?
      If you dont want to explain further it is ok.

      Delete
    9. Anon 1:03 pm
      If he is trying to manipulate or exploit me for his benefit I wont put up with the manipulation once I realize it. Such behaviour would impact the friendship negatively due to a breach of mutual trust.

      Delete
  9. deranged drunkard reporting
    to all the sensetive wannabee intelatuals
    eat my short
    (quit trying to look smart you are all failing miserably)
    have some fun ffs
    trying to look smart is for narc
    fun is for sociopaths
    collateral damage is for both

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. y'all don't even know the differance between empathy and flat affect

      E P I C F A I L

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    2. somone who like's to look smart but isn't is what?

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    3. "have some fun ffs"

      look at 1:03 am yesterday's post

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    4. and what does he look like if he keeps repeating trying to look smart if he failed?

      Delete
    5. Are you seriously suggesting us be want to be drunkards instead of want to be intellectuals? It made me spill my tea.

      Delete
  10. "The liar's punishment,
    is not in the least that
    he is not believed, but that he cannot
    believe anyone else."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him:

      But the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.'

      Delete
    2. "There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him:"

      But as people we are influenced and we become what we spend time with. We take many things within to defile us.

      Delete
    3. It's when you start practising those naughty behaviours when the trouble arises...

      Delete
    4. It's futile to believe it won't happen.

      Delete
    5. I believe faith is the key here.

      It's a good idea to start small, for instance... Imagine someone's dropped some money. Fight the urge to keep it for yourself, instead return it.

      Little things count.

      Delete
    6. apples and oranges

      Delete
    7. Oh, I was discussing the issue of trust.

      It seems that you've gone a bit off topic there...

      I don't know what you're getting at, but I'm sure that a thread for whatever it is will come up eventually.

      Good day to you, I said good day!

      Delete
    8. Yes, I wish to end this, also.

      Delete
    9. 11:21
      Not off topic but I'm ending this because I don't like to throw pearls before swine. Keep this in mind when others don't respond to your Bible verses.

      Delete
    10. These pearls aren't for you then.

      Just be on your merry way.

      Delete
    11. 11:40
      Not pearls - rubbish!

      Delete
    12. Yes, yes.

      As expected.

      Back to your mire now.

      Delete
    13. 11:49
      And back to your evil games.

      Delete
    14. Yes, the good game of clarifying the truth.

      But of course, you'd think it evil, and try to invalidate it. Thankfully, if its the truth, it will always prove true.

      If not then it will fall and be exposed for the lie it was in the first place.

      Take it or leave it, you know.

      Delete
    15. 'He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.'

      Delete
  11. M.E is always a surprise. Just when you think he is in one box, he jumps out of it and jumps in another. It challenges me to build up the best parts of myself. It challenges me to be the best I can be. It shows me that it really does matter to force yourself to use the best parts of yourself, not the worst ( which are the default ones in everyone) Don't hassle me about apple polishing. I love whom I love. I show it when I do.

    I am very moved by this on several levels. One is the sweetness of how we need each other. The other is how I need to work harder not to disappoint the people who trust me. The third is how I had that one, single person who saved my life because I could trust her, totally. That was my grandmother. She did not try to mess with my reality for her own selfish( or evil) purposes.


    Most of you know I was molested by my mother. Even after the physical part stopped, my mother tried to shock me about anything that a child would be innocent about and then laugh at me. She was a therapist and would blame me when I got upset. She would say I was neurotic or too angry and make it my fault. My grandmother was the one factor that is responsible for any sanity you see in me, today.

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    Replies
    1. Good Morning Moo,

      Just wanted to let you know you are a beautiful person with much to offer… you are also an ugly person who doesn't mind taking. I for one adore you in ALL your splendor.

      I trust nearly nothing and nearly no one, as I write this I can not think of one person who has not used me or I have not used in my life. It's been one big stirring of disconnects that I call acquaintances. When I was very young my grandmother showed me unconditional attention. I think she was the only person I ever did that with as well.

      Carpe Diem, Monica Baby… let's see what the day holds!

      Delete
    2. I built wooden railroad tracks, created Play-Dough scupltures of party hats and presents, introduced Stephen King to a 15 year old youngman, demostrated a new approach to win a young girl's fancy to an 18 year old man, helped my best friend with some of her insecurites, and explained to a would-be assailant his folly of wanting my little bit of money but how he might better control his own life by ceasing to try and take control of others...

      I had an eventful day Monica... you?

      Delete
    3. I am really changing a lot and I feel very weird. One lady I let see me too weak. I have had to be really strong, and it is like some sort of long distance race in which I must, finally, not let anyone disrespect me, without paying some sort of price, even if that price is simply my not putting myself out to help her.

      It is a very weird shift into self respect that has upset me, a great deal, as I am used to people pleasing, at all costs, the greatest of which is to myself.

      Are you glad you asked, Tom :D

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. Good Morning Rich the Uber Empath:-)

      Delete
    2. Good morning Rich. Good morning Virus. Rich, how are your teeth? Any luck fighting boredom, Virus?

      Delete
    3. Eh… luck is when opportunity is met with preparation. Sometimes I'm more prepared than others;-]

      Delete
    4. I'm glad to hear that you're doing fine. How's your family holding up?

      Delete
    5. They're falling to pieces, Man… it's such a travesty~

      Nah, they're doing well.
      And I assume you mean my immediate family as in wife and children. Everyone is progressing, some faster than others. They're upping their games and forcing me to do the same, the 6 year old is more fluent in Spanish than I am!!… what more could I ask for?

      Delete
    6. I like the word "progressing", it can define ones life quite well. Of course if one isn't degrading.

      So, have you made any progress at getting to know yourself? How's your career going?

      Delete
    7. Career is coming to an end. About a year and a half before retirement. I'll be a 44 year young man with the world open to him.

      Getting to know me? I'm just beginning to see me for who I really am, Mee. Might take awhile to get to know this dude;-)

      Delete
    8. That's one good thing about working in military. Add the ability to see various places of the World, meet and kill new people and it starts to look pretty.

      What exactly are you doing there, by the way?

      Remember how I shared my opinion about you some time ago? Maybe you could do it too? Describe your progress and yourself in short. Only if you want, of course.


      Delete
    9. Hey Virus!!!! How are you doing buddy????

      Hey Mee, My teeth are pretty good actually, thank you for asking LOL! I honestly havent had any pain since about a week before the dentist appointment, and I havent had any pain at all since then........

      He wrote me some Vicodin ES (7.5 mg) for pain and Amoxicillin 500mg for infection if I happen to get one but I saved all of the pills except for 1 Vicodin ES that I gave my stepdad one night after he drank a 6 pack (and continued drinking, he drinks at least 10-12 beers a night on average).

      Since Iam on Methadone Maintenance, the high from opiates is blocked if you are on over 40mg's of methadone a day, and Iam on 110mg's per day so I cant get high from the Vicodin, but I hear they can help with pain if you have it so Iam saving them for when I REALLY need them.

      When I was on 65mgs a day of methadone my friend brought over a couple bags of good Miami Heroin, and I did like $20 worth and felt NOTHING, because the methadone was blocking the high, that was the first and only time I have done opiates in the last 3 years since I have been on the program.

      My friend brought me the bags so I cut him out a fat line and he was nodding his ass off and itching himself all over, but he isint on methadone, so he can feel it, I cant, but it is for the best, short acting opiates ruined my life and turned me into a wreck!

      Delete
    10. HAHAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOL Hilarious!!!!

      This is the funniest quote I have ever seen from Mee:

      "That's one good thing about working in military. Add the ability to see various places of the World, meet and kill new people and it starts to look pretty."

      LOL Classic and priceless!!!!!!! Good one Mee!!!!!

      Delete
    11. Rich
      You are about to kill Bluebird, so you better check it out.

      Delete
  13. M.E. If your article is sincere you have come a long way with great success. Life truly is what you make it. :}

    ReplyDelete
  14. We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we're wrong. Someone we trust.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Te amo tambien.

      Delete
    2. He loves games.

      Delete
    3. I see what you did there, try as you like its there, right there and you can't do anything about it...

      Hah!

      Feel it!

      Delete
  15. A very strong desire to always do the right thing...

    I am confused. I mean should I add 'right thing for me' to ME's statement? Because I am missing the connection of this post to a sociopath. It sound slike something a lovefraud victim would write (before becoming a victim, of course).

    ME telling this person that she trusts him or her with her life. Who the hell could a sociopath trust with his life?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A favorite. Sometimes we pick and groom people for this role. I know that I at least want someone to come home to. How to explain this? I can't. Some things just are. As someone said earlier, we all need "love ... or something, as the case may be."

      If you don't understand, then don't worry about it.

      Delete
    2. With my LIFE?

      Perhaps not. Perhaps never.

      But think of juggling. Juggling everything, everyone -- well, they're the same. Juggling all the time. Getting the rhythms always right. It becomes habit. It becomes easy, even though some days you hate it, some days you could gladly set them all ablaze and laugh, laugh, laugh.

      Some days you just get tired. Some days you want a place to rest, to breathe, to put down everything and just be.

      If I can bring someone else to the point, whether by manipulation, honestly, enchantment, or a mix of these, where they will say nothing about the juggling and just sit with me, and accept it all, then I have won something valuable.

      Delete
    3. That whole affair seems pretty pointless to me.

      You're saying that you're looking for an observer?

      Delete
    4. 'If I can bring someone else
      to the point, whether by
      manipulation, honestly,
      enchantment.'

      Someone without a will...

      '...they will say
      nothing about the juggling
      and just sit with me.'

      An inanimate object...

      '...and accept it all.'

      I've found your match.

      Its a brick.

      Delete
    5. to be inanimate can be very freeing.

      Delete
    6. i would like to say somthg about this bit. I know what it is like to be a brick in someone's life. It isn't that they were purposefully mean. I can sit with them. They do not even have to be sociopaths to be this way. I think I had a few bfs I felt like a table in their home for a bit. Whether it was my perception or not doesn't matter. But I learned to never, NEVER rely on just one person to fill all my needs.

      MAKE OTHER FRIENDS. I hate to say it, but this is why people become "victimized". They think it's the solely the "douchebag's" fault they're involved. No. It's your fault, too. The world is full of variety. Take advantage.

      Even if you are a "favorite" you cannot fill their life either. Who the fuck does anyone think they are that they can be the be all and the end all with another person, sociopathic or not?

      I'd like a bit of feedback on this.

      Delete
  16. Say you have a buddy that you share your entire life with. Would he mean anythting special to the sociopath or would the friend be somebody who you don't care what you tell him or her.

    ReplyDelete
  17. hey everyone, i'm sort of new here, been lurking a few days, having a nosey round.

    the truth is subjective depending upon your interpretation of words. i have been doing alot of research about labels and trying to work out which title fits where. though i'm sure no one could say for sure where one slowly takes over from another.

    ReplyDelete
  18. bugger, hit the send button too early

    i would also like to know how the scales of how you can trust someone and not care for them.
    i am puzzled why you would even want to trust someone in seeing the truth about who you are when you really don't care how they see you?

    take care everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  19. i am one
    nothing ot be gained with trust
    ther's only a destination and ways to get there

    ReplyDelete
  20. M.E was born from the nectar of the gods (or under a good set of stars) because he was both beautiful and intelligent. He was sensitive and loved the arts. His parents offered him music and he took it, happily. All may have been well, if he had not roused the jealousy of his malignantly selfish and narcissistic father, who hated all that came to M.E and the fact that it came, effortlessly. That is what his father hated most of all.


    Under his fathers magnetic smile was a heart that had little, if any, room for a glimmer of light. That door had closed a long time ago, if ever it had been open. Such was the climate that this young boy found himself having to navigate with little or no help from anyone and having his immature mind, the mind of a child, not up to the task.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Raven managed to salvage the light of her humanity, through sheer will. She would not let it go, even though by sheer rights, she should have. She still retained a generous spirit, although it may peek it's head out from behind, rather than lead from the front.

    Love was another story, in that she had had so little of it, that figuring out it's maneuvers was not an easy task.It was like the touch of a blind person on Braille or on an unknown face, which one desired to make familiar. It was tentative, lest a rebuke send it scurrying back from where it came.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Rich pushed his way into Bluebird's apartment, knife first. "Aren't you the detective at my shrinks office" she asked with a look of incredulity. He looked across at her, wearing the identical blue hoodie, pulled tightly at the chin. The looked as if they were long lost twins. He suppressed a laugh that may have become a guffaw and then done a hyena proud.


    Rich shoved BB into a chair, which was matching fake black leather to her couch. It had a tear in the middle, mended with black, packing tape. Rich sat on the couch and said, " Whaazzz up?" Then, he bent over and threw up.

    ReplyDelete
  23. If there was one emotion which Monica knew, as the most intimate lover, it was fear. It lived in her stomach, like a mole who bores into a hole under your house. Maybe, natural causes would take care of it and you wouldn't have to get your hands dirty. Her fear felt like that: a wild demon mole, who wanted to come up through her mouth and blurt out endless rounds of what she really thought, who she hated, why she hated them, and how her life had turned into a sucky mess. She kept it down with lies. She lied until she couldn't anymore because it was coming out, like it or not. It was like when you played hide and seek and the worst bully in the neighborhood was coming after you. You could go like a man or a pussy, but you were going, no doubt about that. So, you might as well go like a man with an ounce of fucking dignity.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Literary Anon was scrumptious and delicious like a chocolate eclair. You could eat it in delicate bites without any fancy moves like licking off the chocolate strip, all at one time, or sucking the cream into your mouth, slowly, and leaving the chocolate strip for last. At any rate, Monica began unlocking the door of her office and waited for a visitor.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Monica's life was a Wheel of Fortune, from Hell. There was Door Number One, which was a lie. Door Number Two, which was a lie and Door Number Three, where you eat so many lies that you fall off the cliff, into the abyss. Door Number Four would be a Get Out Of Jail Free Card, but you go straight to the Mental Institution( and stay there for life) Door Number Five is that you are sexually abused and go out of your mind. Door number six is that you lose it and kill an innocent mob, including babies, pregnant woman and children. Door Number Seven is you drop dead on your porch or die in your bed, making a nice ending to an otherwise nasty mess.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Monica told God that if He let her have Door Number 7, she would do anything He wanted, including missionary work.

    ReplyDelete
  27. This is really interesting, Sofa.
    And no, I'm not saying that because of that delightful part about me that sounds like it might lead somewhere fun ;)

    I like what you said about Raven. That is something that rings true from all I have seen of her. Her immense strength, her resilience against all odds and her spirit are definitely to be admired.

    The first part about Monica is excellent. Great imagery there.
    With regards to the second part, it's well written. A little window into the soul.
    But even though I see what you were saying about fear, I still couldn't help but wonder why there was no Door Number 8. The one with strength behind it that leads to fighting those that hurt her. Not simply waiting to explode or implode. But actively fighting for herself. Emerging like a phoenix out of the ashes of her misery.

    The one where the Monica I always wanted to see resides. The one that doesn't give a flying fuck about pleasing those who would only seek to use and abuse her. Who doesn't feel the urge to be nice to everyone and resorts to passive-aggressive bullying tactics when she cracks under the weight of bullshit.
    Who actually looks after her own interests first and is not afraid to express how she really feels. Embraces the truth and would rather be hated for who she is, than lie and be loved for who she's not.

    Was hoping it would be an option for her.

    ReplyDelete
  28. What you said is making me cry. I never thought of that option.
    Thank you <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monica, I cannot tell if the above is a fear or an conscious option you chose. It is both with me. So my own issues about taking my own power scare me.

      I shake when I do power and I often regret it because I do not know if I am hasty. So I will do a bunch of power in my head. I am afraid I will change my mind and lose peole. I feel I will give a double message to people which will confuse them.

      I get very anxious when receiving a double message from others but the reality is that most people do not see their own. This is withholding my thoughts about others. (when I am done then phoenix rises and I may play games so i can show another their face. This can be pleasing to me. But i don't want to do this because ultimately I have thought they are not worth my time anymore. Ido not know if this is smart or not. So I float with an open door policy too.)

      Things aren't absolutes. -Life goes in a very winding way and others do not know where they are going either. But i require consistency to trust.
      I was not shown consistency as a child. I still seek it. Wishful, and not conducive for proper functioning. But all around i see inconsistencies.


      I think they aren't going to like me for telling them their inconsistencies. I have pressed on them mentally. I fear they will be afraid of me. I am intimidating. I have felt this.

      I can be puzzling. I have no desire to puzzle people I maybe want to come back to my life at some point. This is making sense to me when I date. I go through like the heisman trophy looks. I holding my heart to myself. This is defensive action not offensive.

      It is lack of trust and fear. I cannot do intimacy and share my moods and anger. I will end up showing confusing behavior and drive people away. So I become not trustworthy AND do noyt trust. So now i am in limbo.

      Is this anything like what people call "the net"? Or do people think I am pretty normal.



      Delete
    2. *have trouble doing intimacy. I am working on this.

      Delete
    3. The universe gives back what you put out there.

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    4. platitude alert :P

      Delete


    5. If I put out cooky then I will get cooky, I guess.

      Delete
  29. I hear you, Anon. People would give a platitude to what you just said like "be yourself" or something so out of reach that you want to throw a pie in their face.

    I hear you and I understand. I don't know the answer. I guess the Teacher's Book answer is that we have to be ourselves and like ourselves. Then, some people will like the real us and we will be happy, but I am trying like heck to get there. Keep talking and maybe together we can figure something out, together :P

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  30. Anon 1:03AM
    If your are refering to the exact quote "taking for granted" I am not seeing it in the description. Anyway I understand what is being asked.

    OK. Put it this way. Not because he as a sociopath has the ability to say, manipulate for personal gain or benefit it means that he is free to manipulate me as a friend, when what I support is straightforwardness and honesty.

    ReplyDelete

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