Sunday, December 23, 2012

Who is friends with a sociopath?

A reader told me about a new television show that has been advertised as "The Following on Fox -- Even Serial Killers Have Friends."


I am sort of curious to watch it just to see what types of people are his friends. Then I read this unrelated blurb from an NPR writer:

Most (and Least) Important: This is both. The most and the least important event I witnessed in 2012. I’m walking past a school. Two girls, maybe six years old, wearing parkas, carrying bookbags, come flying out the school door, step in front of me close enough for me to hear, and one of them leans toward the other says says, “What if you’re a serial killer? Who’s going to be your friend then?” I turn. The two girls are weighing this question. Having friends—this is a thing they know. Everybody needs one, even the nastiest among us, but this is a toughie. They stop to mull: Who might like a serial killer? “Maybe…” says the second girl, “other serial killers?” They look at each other, uncertain. (Not a big enough pool? Is that what they’re thinking?) Then the first girl says, “I know!” “What?” says the second. “How about just…killers?” More to choose from! They hug. Problem solved. They walk up the block holding hands. Friends are the solution to everything. This is their news. This is what they know.

Should I be worried about my friends? The ones that know about the blog, etc., sometimes wonder if they too are sociopaths. Is it possible to be friends with a sociopath without being at least a little sociopathic?





64 comments:

  1. entroducing:
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaadjoe









































    and 1st ;)

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  2. Who is friends with a sociopath?
    everyone and no one. they all think i'm there friend but i don't have anny

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    Replies
    1. I wonder about this a lot myself. Do socios and narcs really have friends and do they really care if they do?? I think maybe we see friendships as convenience.

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    2. Friends are ok, but if they drop off the face of the earth, who cares? Of course, they don't have to know you feel that way: it is your actions that count.

      I find friendships tedious to maintain because people expect you to invest a lot of time in your relationships with them. But you can actually care about their well-being from afar. (The best part about living out in the boonies is that you have a legitimate excuse to bow out of many social functions, hehe.)

      This emotional and physical distance defines my relationship with most people, apart from a select few immediate family members.

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    3. I find it easy to make friends with almost anyone, except for people who harbour a secret jealousy of some sort.

      I just hate it when someone feels the need to compete over petty things.

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    4. i do, too. I ignore the competitive part, if that's what it is. I do not "see" it almost the way Colbert says "I don't see color". -- Of course I see it. I ignore it.

      But it is very easy for me to recognize a person who has some sort of either a secret jealousy or a desire to maim me. I think this is because of the passive aggression of one of my parents. They will deny it or try to cover their comments with the overcompensating of affection i do not believe for a second. Idk, maybe it also has to do with the nature of a business i am in.

      I have several friends who fit this description. None of them I open up to emotionally. They are either very judgmental or probe for my flaws. And they tell me about them!

      But I can make friends with them, no problem. They are just in a different category and I need to be alert for their sideswiping. I go away from them for extended periods of time. They don't like it.

      When/if we return to one another there is either more distance from me or a willingness to get along. For me. The latter can be disappointing.

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    5. I must tell you, i sort of do not hate it because I enjoy to make it seem they do not exist. I do this privately in my mind. It gives me strength.

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  3. lol ME, youre SO cute! :x

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  4. i think the distinction between narc and socio is wrong i think there needs to be a distinction between nature and nurture(/trauma)
    (and they are both are on a scale ofc)

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    Replies
    1. However you want to label them doesn't matter, but some low-empathy people have such a flexible sense of self that they basically have no self. They become whatever they need to become to get what they want. You can attack their sense of self and they don't give a shit. E.g. the fraudster who, when caught, feels no shame at all.

      Narcisissts typically have a "false self" that is rigid. When they get criticized, it really hurts them. The artist narcissist might not mind that his clothes are from a thriftstore - but tell him that his "art" looks like something your 5-year old could do and he'll get enraged and never forgive or forget.

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  5. I suspect that friends of sociopaths are really tools that serve a purpose. They are not friends in the true sense of the word. It is not a mutual relationship with respect and caring. The people that fill this role are often oblivious to their function or are submissives. Submissives enjoy the part of being utilized so their needs are being met by hosting a parasite like a sociopath.

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    Replies
    1. Sweet dreams are made of this
      Who am I to disagree
      I travel the world and the seven seas
      Everybody's looking for something

      Some of them want to use you
      Some of them want to get used by you
      Some of them want to abuse you
      Some of them want to be abused

      Sweet dreams are made of this
      Who am I to disagree
      I travel the world and the seven seas
      Everybody's looking for something

      Hold your head up, keep your head up, movin' on
      Hold your head up, movin' on, keep your head up, movin' on


      ("Sweet Dreams" - The Eurythmics)

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    2. I agree with that. Every person I consider to be my friend (or just useful/needed) has a purpose. Some I find to be entertaining, with others I like to indulge into conversations or just laugh at. And I usually separate them unconsciously. Sadly, I don't think that I have a one true friend. There are two candidates, but both of them are full of shit. However, many people consider me as a friend, even though I use them for my benefit.

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    3. Maybe I should change something :-/

      P.s. Alter, wasn't it Marilyn Manson's song?

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    4. Oh, Mee... it was originally sung by the Eurythmics. Manson did a cover, which I personally consider to be far superior to the original.

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    5. Thanks for input, anonymous. Apparently, that's another good song Manson stole from others (Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode is another example). But he probably improved those songs, just like Metallica made good covers too (Die Die Die My Darling was originally created by Misfits, to give an example). So I prefer his cover too, but I'd still have to hear the original.

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    6. I'm a narcissist. I have friends. They are all personality disordered. The closest bond is with other narcissists. We are loyal to each other because our "false selves" are congruent.

      The sociopaths - like M.E. - that have a flexible sense of self don't have the basis for loyalty.

      E.g. I have friends. I can say I care about them - and I mean it.

      My sociopath friend has "friends" - but their is no friendship. The other guy has been duped into thinking the sociopath cares about them. He doesn't.

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    7. Couldn't have said it better. You are right Missy.

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  6. Replies
    1. sup bitch
      i ment rich

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    2. if you wannt to be ritch
      you got to be a bitch
      rich
      bitch
      if you wanne ride
      go ride the white ponny

      Delete
  7. Good Morning, Rich!!

    If someone comes to me, as someone who is supposed to be in my life, I don't care what he or she is.

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    Replies
    1. Hey Monica!!!! How are you doing today?

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    2. I wouldn't be surprised if Rando, Green or even me would reply in that manner, but don't you think that it's way too childish for a grown woman like you, Monica? :-)

      Anyway, I'll save you the time it would take to ask about my plans. I'm preparing for the trip to a village where I'll meet relatives for long and boring Christmas celebrating where I won't be able to do anything but participate in meaningless conversations and listen what good and bad things happened for others this year. Wish me luck...

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    3. Ask Santa for a little empathy. Maybe that will see you through the celebrationsRemember to leave the socks for Santa. Ha ha.

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  8. I find those two little girls adorable.


    On a related note, there may be something wrong with me, haha.

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  9. Eh, I don't think you have anything to worry about ME. Most of my friends, and all of my close friends know I'm Borderline. They've seen me struggle, and while maybe not at my worst, they know they won't see my worst inflicted on them.

    One bad doesn't necessarily outweigh the other benefits, even for empaths in regards to their beloved socios.

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    Replies
    1. Do you feel bad after you've humiliated or abused someone?

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    2. No its part of the fight or be fought mentality

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    3. Which is what ive heard socios say to therapists before lol not me im an empath

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    4. I'm not talking about sociopaths, I'm talking to Haven.

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    5. I very rarely Act Out (a.k.a. act abusively) anymore. When I do it's usually b/c they've pushed/abused me way too far and I've given them more than their fair share of leeway... in which case, no I don't feel bad at all. I pretty much feel like they deserve it because they do.

      The people I care for in my life now don't push me in ways that would cause this and therefore wouldn't be on the receiving end of that kind of retaliation.

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    6. In the past though, depending on how attached I was to the person I would have felt bad, but not because I feel like my actions were wrong or because they didn't deserve it... it would be more out of fear of losing them; for my own self-centered reasons.

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    7. Haven, you explain so nicely what i feel.

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    8. Aw thanks. Self-awareness is a bitch, but at least it can be helpful.

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    9. In the past though, depending on how attached I was to the person I would have felt bad, but not because I feel like my actions were wrong or because they didn't deserve it... it would be more out of fear of losing them; for my own self-centered reasons.

      Thanks a lot for your response. But if you fear losing them, why do it again after? What went through your mind when you were abusing someone undeserving of such treatment?

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  10. I think I may be going into sugar shock. I've made 15 kinds of cookies/candies/treats so far and I still have another 5 to make tomorrow. ::dies::

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    Replies
    1. Wow. I gobbled up a bag of homemade cookies 2 days ago, but before bed. I say to myself that the sugar plummet come down helps me sleep.

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    2. I'm not very interested in eating them. I just need something to do to keep me busy so I don't go nuts here =/. They do make great gifts though.

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    3. Lol, feel free to go nuts :-)

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  11. i'm a soicoipath, but don't worry i'm not real. I'm your dreams and nightmares

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  12. I should go to a doctor and say, 'My guts and mind were sucked out by a zombie. What do I do?"

    He would ask, "Where are they, now?"

    I would reply, "My mother ate them and they are, now, in her DNA.


    Such is the case, that my DNA is flailing around somewhere, looking for a way to come back like a sperm who desperately wants to find an egg, or maybe he just wants to get fucked.

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  13. I should advertise for my lost DNA to come back. Don't leave home without it, and all that shit.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Doc asked, "What did your mother do with your DNA, son?"
    She shit it out, undigested.

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  15. "That is a damn shame"

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  16. Love it, as usual lately, Sofa.

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  17. Thank you, Ellicit. I was feeling a little out there <3

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  18. Sandy did not remember about the original pubic hair question, but her mother asked it again, when Sandy was 14. Sandy said blonde, so a great question from a great woman was, finally, put to rest ~
    She, for her part, always, wanted to be normal. A normal person does not ask people about their pubic hair. A normal person does not act like an nut, with no sense. A normal person has some fucking dignity and self respect.

    When they went out, she told her mother in which store they should shop and what place they should eat. Her mother looked like she was hit by a bat, every time she had to make a decision. She hated her mother with a visceral hate that could bore a hole through the wall but she loved her, too: the big goof. She loved her more than anyone. That was made it so much trouble.



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    Replies
    1. I can totally see how your mother did your head in, Sofa. I've been getting the empathy with your stories lately.

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  19. Please explain. Thanks.

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  20. She had to cut open a cat in Biology. Her cat was riddled with maggots. She had never seen maggots. They were white, gyrating worms. The moved, in unison, the pulsating of life, but grotesque life. It was fascinating like you would stare at a car accident, victims on the side of the road, dead even. You could not stop staring, as it called to you, just like the maggots. She lived with lies that pulsated, until they took her and she pulsated too. You were dancing the dance, Fucker, but you had on your sunny face, like the stupid fool you were.

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  21. The lies were like fever. You got warmer and warmer, until you were burning up. The walls came alive, like the maggots. You were supposed to be the observer. Dammit. Then, it changed. You were the star of the show. You may as well stop struggling, now. You know you are going to drown. The undertow is so strong and you are so tired. Go into the the dark, now, Darling, like a good girl.

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  22. When a high fever breaks,you are reborn, nice and cool. The struggle is over, but you are damn tired. Going into the dark is like that. You were simply a lone soul and they called you, all of them. Who were you to resist?

    ReplyDelete

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