Wednesday, December 5, 2012

New experiences

I've been in the bush for the past little bit. While following our guide I thought about what it must be like to experience this same thing over and over again with slight variation. He would try to give us an idea of what was a good and a bad idea to do, where we were likely to see certain things and when we should hurry up because things were going to be even better at a subsequent location. He was quite knowledgeable, but perhaps because we were paying him, he didn't seem to really want to order us around to places. But all I really wanted to do was defer to his expertise because although I knew better my own thoughts and desires, he knew much better than I about the situation I found myself in and so overall it seemed to make the most sense to follow his judgment.

I thought, being in a relationship with a sociopath must be sort of like this. For the non-sociopath, everything is pretty new. For the sociopath, everything is a bit of deja vu. Like my guide, you are having slightly different experiences, but mostly they are variations on a theme. When I am in the beginning of relationships I always feel this way. I try to acclimate them to my way of thinking, that I am not a particularly emotional person, that I often need people to be very explicit about what they want from me, etc. People often balk a little at my descriptions of myself. Surely I am selling myself short, or making myself seem more abnormal than the facts would warrant. I'm not pushy about things. If they don't believe me, I let them find out for myself -- like my guide did on a particularly boring rabbit hole we chased for a while because someone in my group insisted that he knew better.

I'm not saying that guides are infallible or that they can't learn something new on every excursion, or that it's necessarily wise to leave important decisions up to a near stranger (particularly when they aren't aware of your own particular needs and desires). I guess I just thought it was an interesting parallel -- a good explanation for those people who find themselves starting a relationship with a sociopath, particularly when the sociopath seems to be constantly waiting for things to progress to the next anticipated stage while you are left completely baffled by what is happening.

151 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Ok i have a totally badass plan, but it revolves around M.E. or someone else having disposable cash or knowing a game designer. Either way. Picture this: Sociopathworld the video game! Something along the lines of Second Life but not as needlessly complicated. A place where we can design our own avatar and hang out "in person" but here is the kicker- at any time anyone can kick the shit out of anyone else and/or stab them. Everyone can design buildings and we could eventually have a huge city staffed by an army of empath and politician slaves! You know how to contact me for the royalty payments :)

      Delete
    2. Sorry for cutting in here [ not really ]. Thank you SW for helping me find the "why" that I been searching for the last 30 years. I still am a bit numb. But it all makes total sense now when viewed in the SP paradigm.
      I've scoured this site for 1 year now. I'm leaving with the same love/hate relationship that I came here with. What was taken from me, I doubt that I will ever get "it" back. But , what was given to me... I doubt that I will ever be able to rid myself of it [ not that I want to ]. I traded innocence for knowledge. Evolution.

      My question is - can there ever be a completely balanced synbionic relationship?

      As of now.... I conclude NO.

      I am fascinated by the methodical efficiancy of the SP mind. People [ not sheeple ] can, and do like you.

      As the sheep dog, I am the storm rider!

      Grey, Raven - you are brilliant!
      That goes for you as well Tom.
      Sofa- Keep writing. Highly entertaining.
      Rich- All I can say is... Wow! :)
      Monica- Hang in there sweetie! Never Quit!

      M.E. - You Rule! Peace!!!

      Good Luck SW. RF Charlie is Audi 5000!!!!!
      Thanks Again SW!

      Delete
  2. "or that it's necessarily wise to leave important decisions up to a near stranger "

    That's the problem… guides are not suppose to make decisions, they are there to "guide" YOUR decision making process. The best guides tend to see the newness all over again as you see it for the first time. There are so few good guides out there… and even fewer great ones. It's hard to be humble enough to show others their path to greatness.

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    Replies
    1. He's talking about a fellow sightseer, not the guide.
      The guide obviously knows the whole damn park like the back of his hand, he's just doing whatever makes the tourists happy. Or more specifically, this one genius.

      Delete
    2. OK genius… read this sentence again:

      "I'm not saying that guides are infallible or that they can't learn something new on every excursion, or that it's necessarily wise to leave important decisions up to a near stranger (particularly when they aren't aware of your own particular needs and desires)."

      It was the guide being referred to as the "stranger" dumb shit. Don't contradict me again with your opinions of what you THINK is being said. Work on your reading comprehension/understanding.

      So what else would you like ME to guide YOU on today…? Genius.

      Delete
    3. Its gotta hurt to be you.

      I'll just leave you to wallow in your misery.

      Delete
    4. Yea, it hurts alright… I can barely make it through another day~

      My affliction is I see stupid people. They walk among us like they're not stupid. They don't know they're stupid… but they are;-]

      I point out your inability to read something and comprehend its meaning and you redirect to a subject which has nothing to do with your shortfalls. You make a rational generality and projection that I must hate life for being smarter than you… GFY.

      Delete
    5. My affliction is I see stupid people. They walk among us like they're not stupid. They don't know they're stupid… but they are;-]

      lol. i think i know you in real life.

      Delete
    6. anon missed the interesting parallel.

      Delete
  3. :) (Smug Smile) Good Morning Sociopathworld!!!!! Good Morning Blades and Virus!!!!!

    Whats up everybody?

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  4. "But all I really wanted to do was defer to his expertise because although I knew better my own thoughts and desires, he knew much better than I about the situation I found myself in and so overall it seemed to make the most sense to follow his judgment."

    I can relate to this. I tend to establish myself as the alpha of the group, but sometimes I get bored making all of the decisions and just want someone else to step up and show some balls.

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  5. This post applies to highly intelligent and dominant people who have been around. Not sure about its direct implication on sociopathy.

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  6. This is in response to the author's need for people to be explicit.

    Life would be so much simpler if people would just tell me what they want, rather than communicating through subtle social cues to which I respond inappropriately or ignore. In retrospect, I can usually determine what they wanted, but by then it's much too late. I'm not socially stupid, just very slow. I'm a hypocrite, though, because I'm never as direct with people as I'd like them to be with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I'm not socially stupid, just very slow."

      Uhh…

      You…….. are…… very……. slow, my man.


      "Life would be simpler"

      Is that what you really want? Simple? Easy? Boring? Act like you think… think like you want to act.

      Delete
    2. I have been fascinated with that theory called Subtext, as it is about picking up wordless cues. I could see my mother had poor subtext, so she was always, stymied, as to what to do in situations, where I could figure it our.

      You lose some of your subtext abilities, if you have dissociation, by virtue of the fact that you become dulled. However, people seem to have them or not, based on their inherent nature, to a large extent. However, the degree of dissociation does numb them to the point where they would be slow as EA talks about.

      Delete
    3. Morning Dr. Moo:-)

      Delete
    4. LOL Virus!!!! It always cracks me up and makes me smile when I see the name "Dr. Monica Moo" LOL

      There is something funny about it to me!

      Delete
  7. Top of the Morning to you, you sexy Marine :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      How have you been of late? Not cut any heads off lately have you?

      Delete
    2. He's a marine?

      I get to be Batman then. I'm pretty sure that we've got Spiderman hanging around in here as well.

      Delete
    3. You're comparing the marines to fictional comic book characters? Why am I surprised.~

      Delete
    4. So how do you join? Get bitten by a radioactive sea urchin?

      'He's Aquaman under the guise of an ordinary marine, saving sea stars from the brink of extinction.'

      Delete
    5. That's a really lame super hero, just like 'Raven Dark', Batman is clearly superior, and you're just jealous.

      Delete
    6. I'm your friendly average everyday nut walking around in the guise of an ordinary Joe playing Marine.

      How did I get to become a Marine you ask? Well, I'm sure you know I will have to kill you after divulging this information but, I had to chop my favorite family member to death with a plastic spork, start a natural fire, and then use all parts of my deceased family members remains for my efforts to survive in the wild over 1,000 days…

      Was that a bit too much?

      Delete
    7. Ha ha. If we will elaborate it, one day Monica, Rich, Virus and some other folks will organise a virtual costume party.

      Speaking of costumes, I found an old picture of me where I was dressed as a wolf for our kindergarten Christmas play. On my head I wore a wolf-head hat which consisted of the upper part of wolves head (ears, eyes and long nose). Most of my face was visible. I was dressed with white t-shirt, grey waistcoat, dark-brown pants with an attached tail and was wearing black leather shoes.
      In the picture I was sitting on Santa Clauses lap, holding a packed present and staring to the camera, making something close to a psychopath stare. I was grinning/smiling and my whole facial expression caused an impression I was thinking - if Santa brought me a bad present, fucker's gonna die. That looked very adorable with my cute bright hair and baby blue eyes.

      Delete
    8. You should try James Bond

      You'll mess it up, no doubt, but some sucker might take you seriously for a while.

      Delete
    9. I don't believe you freakshows even need costumes.

      Delete
    10. Good Day Mee…

      GFY;-)

      Delete
    11. Oh look at that, Aquaman makes his appearance, let all foes of the seas and fishermen around the world beware.

      Delete
    12. Calm down… stay cool… I'll be in the area all day.

      Delete
    13. Oh please don't spray us with seawater.

      Delete
    14. Oh those anons, desperate to create chaos... :)

      Anon 10:49, if I got into the middle of your conversation with Virus, than I should say that he could dress up as Bond. Really. He looks more like him than some other film character. And if you were referring to me, I don't see how one I can mess it up. In both versions I fail to understand who has to take who seriously.

      Good day to you too, Tom. How's it hanging? Anything interesting in forum?

      Delete
    15. Sounds like Mee has been off daydreaming about the 'James Bond look alike'. Hey, anything goes when you're all alone and lonely, right?

      Delete
    16. Nothing yet Mee… same old same old in the forum:-/

      Delete
    17. I appreciate constructed criticism, sadly your comment was miles away from it.

      First of all, I should clarify that I was comparing Tom to Bond. Secondly, I have only seen two or free Bond movies, haven't watched the newest one and not planning to. I don't know why I dislike it, probbably because it lasts too long and not much is happening. Moreover, I really don't see a point to relate myself with any character unless I'm making a joke.

      I encourage you to improve yourself, 11:22, because now you seem to be a stupid troll with bad sense of humour.

      Delete
    18. Who needs a sense of humour with you cunts around?

      Aquaman posing as the hero among the users and abusers, the fat and the fugly, trying to garner some attention.

      You must be shit out of luck, am I right?

      Delete
    19. I'm nor fat nor ugly, so I assume you mean Rich and Monica. Tom does seem to act like that sometimes, but it never seemed to be a big problem.

      I wouldn't say that I'm sad or unlucky. I came here to contribute a bit more and that's what I do now.

      No one will change the place for you, unless you do it yourself and by making stupid attacks you won't improve it. I do it myself from time to time, but you explained that you were doing it because you weren't satisfied with what's going on. So, may I ask you what would interest you?

      Delete
    20. I never mentioned Rich nor Monica, so that's all on you. Thanks for sharing.

      Who said anything about changing the place?

      It would interest me if you'd be honest with yourself, and go and ask Mr Aquaman out on the date, tell him how you appreciate his James Bond look.

      Delete
    21. Since neither of them described their looks, it is a possibility and I'm not taking my statement back until they will inform me if I was wrong.

      If I'd do what you asked, it wouldn't be honest. And he really looks more like that new Bond than, let's say the main cop from "hot fuzz". Although I started to have doubts about it now (not about the honesty part, obviously) :D

      Delete
    22. Did you hurt someone's feelings, Tom?

      Delete
    23. I'd say someone tried to inpersonate UKan, because word "cunt" was used and gay relatiomship was mentioned (I remember UKan once said something about male guidance and attacked you two). I doubt it was real UKan because this anonymous was way too dumb to be him, imo. It could be Tony, because he was arguing with Virus in forum or any random perdon that got bored and decided to play.

      How are you, Raven? Anything interesting happened in your life?

      Delete
    24. I certainly hope not~

      Delete
    25. That stupid stuff is the same UKan :D

      Delete
    26. LOL Mee, A Virtual costume party would be fun :)

      Delete
  8. Nothing yet Mee… same old same old in the forum:-/

    Yeah and this place is relatively dead too today :(

    ReplyDelete
  9. :) (Another Smug Smile) Good Morning AGAIN Sociopathworld!!!!!!

    At least I wasnt around yesterday after I posted so reading this will all be new to me ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh shit! I was FIRST and I didnt even know it/Acknowledge it on my 1st post!!!!

      First time I got "First!!!"

      :)

      Delete
  10. Hi Rich!!!
    I want to tell you guys something. I came out of disassociation for 5-10 minutes yesterday and the day before. I could feel my surroundings. I was not doing anything in particular. I think the creative things I am doing are bringing me out because you have to force emotion. That is what we shut down.

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    Replies
    1. That's fantastic, Monica!

      I think I spent the last, oh I don't know… my life, in a dissociative state. Just recently had a shiv shoved in the base of my psyche though. Felt good. Definitely brings you to and makes you aware;-]

      Delete
    2. Yes, I have done many things in my life, but starting at 14, I was never there. I could have been on a fantastic trip( real life, not drug ~ ) or sitting in the dirt. It was all the same. I could have been with a great group of people or been alone. It was all the same.

      I see what Sylvia Plath meant by her book, The Bell Jar, as she describes being under thick glass. I can see it more clearly, as I come out of it.



      Delete
    3. :) Iam VERY happy to hear that Monica!!!! I have two words for you BABY STEPS!!!!!

      I use the "baby steps" method with my drug/alcohol use, I make very small steps so that iam not too overwhelmed in ANY WAY, and over time, many baby steps leads up to a BIG CHANGE in your life.

      People (not all but alot) who want to make the change QUICKLY and all at once usually are overwhelmed and it scares them and prevents progress from happening...... But taking the time you need and doing it slowly insures it will stay with you for a long time as long as you keep going along with it.

      Remember, you have lived MOST OF YOUR LIFE in that state, so having these small periods of being in touch with your emotions and un-disacciocated is a NICE STEP FOR YOU to take, and assuming you keep doing what you are doing, hopefully the periods of emotion will last longer and longer, it just takes time!

      I wish you the best and Iam here for you if you ever wanna talk!!!!!

      Delete
    4. PS Virus, Nice GFY that you gave that that guy in the beginning of this thread. I have never seen that one before!!!!

      For anybody who dosent know the meaning, iam assuminbg it is "Go Fuck Yourself" LOLOL!!!!

      Delete
  11. ME, who's bush have you been in for the past little bit? What exactly is sooooooooo complicated you need a guide?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Is it illegal to post someone's email, if it is in your own inbox? Is someone's letter to you via email now yours to do with what you want?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it an SW member?

      I dont think it is illegal in anyway. In fact, it cant be as long as you arent telling others to hurt them or anything........

      But if you want to do it just to embarass somebody or make life harder for them, it may be immoral, but definatly not illegal :)

      Delete
    2. Here ya go, Rich. -No it won't do anything but make me happy inside to share. Here it is. I lol-ed very hard.


      I am sorry. That must have felt terrible, and you and the kids are the last persons I want to hurt. If it helps, I want you to know that all I would do is surf the site. I have always had a hard time keeping my mind still, and in college and law school this meant doodling incessantly when I was in class. When I first started using computers I would draw on-line, and when the internet came along I surfed. With my blackberry or phone typically I click on the Times about 20 times a day. I never canceled (dating site name), so when those stupid matches were emailed to me I would click on them and indulge myself. I don't know if that is some indication of relationship phobia, and I thought about that from time to time, but never in any great depth. In any event, I saw it as not all that different from Jimmy Carter's lusting in his heart, and never thought it would matter to anyone as it was something I did privately and I thought somewhat innocently. To my great regret, that indulgence has had a very sad result.

      Typically I would call to talk this out, as if there is any chance of our getting past this I would like to try. However as I said last night when we were at dinner, I just realized how emotionally exhausted I am right now and I do not want to have to explain or justify myself particularly as you have decided to walk away. So instead I ask that you think about whether you want to end our relationship (I do not), that you not reply to this email, and that you talk to me next week. If you have in fact made up your mind already then I will not let you go without telling you how much you mean to me, how much I will miss your laugh and how very much I will miss you.
      ---------------


      please guess what my response was. No forget it, I will tell you. It was this:

      yawn.



      Thank you Sociopathworld!!!

      *takes a bow*

      (his sentence nombre 3 is a gigantic lie. But I did not tell him I know this)

      Delete
    3. I am very upset about it though. I thought he was normal, not a grandiose, entitled, self important, blamer, liar, cheater poet-wannabe douchebag.

      Delete
    4. sad to lose him, that is. But I am so much better than usual. I do really mean that --to thank sw.

      Delete
    5. Interesting Anon, I was gonna ask who it was, but iam guessing it was an ex boyfriend.........

      You still seem like you have an okay "friendship" being that you can still peacefully talk to one another.

      Who broke it off, you or him? To me it sounds like you did by his actions (Lying, Blaming, Cheating) and that is a good reason to, forget all the labels like "Narcissist", "Sociopath", and "Borderline", if the person is a TOXIC person, the label dosent matter, it is best for your mental health and wellbeing to distance yourself emotionally from them.

      Would you ever again consider entering another romantic relationship with this induvidual? Or are you just planning on remaining friends? Or neither????

      Delete
    6. LOL i am very narcy tonight. LOOOL

      This is fresh. 2 years almost. I was keeping track of his character. I brought him up here a while back and relayed a very small but telling incident showing his character. I was advised to keep him around but keep an eye on him. I watched every move and studied his tells when he lied to his ex-wife over the phone, i asked him questions I knew the answers to so I could see how he would handle a lie to me, I kept track of his way of throwing me a bone so he could prolong having things his own way,,, very manipulative and selfish, and extremely transparent to ME, not to any of my friends. And they are usually the ones who get a creep vibe first. He had the attractive mercurial-like anger, too. Very nice man very loving father.

      But Rich, I am sorry to disappoint you and use a label, but I think he is classically a narcissist.

      No, right now that was the last thing said. I woke up in the middle of the night to use his laptop and looked at his history and he didn't log off of the dating site so all his correspondences came up. I only clicked on the latest. -He'd asked someone out 20 min before dinner with me that night. It was pretty solid relationship, and 2 years is a record for me.

      Men who are controlling can be very accommodating when you make yourself clear very softly, or begin to reason like an attorney, without using accusatory language. I learned a lot about how to get what I want without fear of being trampled. It did not happen. And it will not.

      I wanted to see how he would handle this last test, and it is uncanny -when they are backed up against the wall, how cunning and all. Do you see how he wants me to feel sorry for HIM? Do you see how he will make it MY FAULT should we break up over something prrriiivatte and so innnnocent? And do you see the very subtle way he warns me ??-He thinks i will buy the lie. It is very entertaining , this in action. I almost feel like I could be a hollywood director lol and set him up for some anal rape scenes, even.

      Srsly, he does not want to meet the other side of me, and even more to the point, he is not worthy of meeting my other side. I cannot let loose with a person who will use my anger against me.

      Romantically, no . Not right now. Down the line, idk. I am very sexually turned off when I do not respect a man, though. They look like weaklings when they don't tell the truth. And this? This phoney-baloney "I'm the same as Jimmy Carter" poetic douchbaggary?? No you aren't unique. You are nothing like Jimmy Carter and your ADD doesn't make you special either. You just want to be able to cheat using a double standard. Yes, like every other boring asshole.

      But idk, i do not plan anything anymore.

      Delete
    7. O my I am very narcy tonight. O well.

      I was working very hard on my intimacy with this very sensitive person. I was getting somewhere, too. But I had to pick another goddammned narcissist who can't get close, to practice my intimacy. I know, I did purposely choose him. I did. It was safer.

      I believe I came out pretty unscathed.

      Delete
  13. Rich
    You missed your part in "Up From The Sofa" You and your nurse were in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG!!!! Iam going to go back and Read/Save it RIGHT AWAY!!!!

      Thank you for letting me know :)

      PS- I miss my nurse :)

      Delete
    2. ROFLMAO!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOL!!!!

      Thank you SO MUCH for reminding me to look at that!!!!

      It is HILARIOUS!!!! A 10 out of 10!!!!

      This part had me CRACKING UP :

      "However, Rich took a sharp detour from his attention to BB when he had an unexpected dental appointment. The dental assistant was Rich's dream woman. She was signalling she wanted Rich. He could tell in how she gently touched his mouth with her long pink nails. She lingered a moment or two longer, next to his chair, as she asked him if he had much dental decay. At his next dental appointment, he would ask her out for a drink. That tattoo on her neck told Rich all he needed to know about how she performed en la cama. They would swing from the chandeliers, if he could get mom, step dad and goofy uncle to go out for a night."

      LOL! Sheer BRILLIANCE!!!!!! I love your writing!!!!!!

      It was especially funny to me that you added my mom, step-dad and GOOFY UNCLE to it!!! The goofy uncle part was just the cherry on the top of the Up From The sofa Sundae!!!! Plus the mention of the sexy nurse ;)

      PREMIUM STUFF!!!!! I cant wait for the next installments!!!!!!

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. LMAO!!!!! You always bring a smile to my face Themes!!!!! You are hilarious!

      Delete
  15. I wonder if ME is Ok. Imagine a sudden stop to all of this... And the regulars deciding to recycle from day 1 andgoing on and on in an endless loop.

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  16. Raven introduced her daughters to Elicit, who seemed to fit in, making the trio a foursome. Raven and Elicit did not want to form a sexual relationship, right off the bat. They had both been there and done that and you know what happened? Too much of a good thing is just that--too much of a good thing. One may want chocolate cheesecake with Reeses Peanut Butter cup topping and double chocolate fudge filling, but when one when has had one's fill, one craves chicken pot pie served on stoneware dishes. Such was the case, with these two good friends who were on the verge of becoming lovers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jesus, you make E. L. James sound like James Joyce. Needs some practice, this one does.

      Delete
    2. AWWWW TOUCHING!!!!!!!

      Iam very ha
      ppy for Raven and Elicit, good for them :)

      This installment of Up From The Sofa has warmed my heart :)

      Delete
  17. Who is e.L James?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is he E.L. James Brown's dad?

      Delete
    2. "Derp da derp da derp. Let me ask a question about who a person is that I could have Googled for an answer all by myself like a big girl!

      DERP DEEEERRPPPP BA DERPA DERP"

      Delete
  18. M.E., I'm jonesin' over here. Got any scraps? Leftovers? You sociopath, you, controlling me like this, keeping me on a line, why-I-oughtta...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Replies
    1. LOL! Good one Themes! Hilarious as always!

      I picture Themes to know EVERY SONG on earth, like a digital device at a radio station that contains every song ever created.......

      Maybe Themes works at a Music Store selling Lp's and CD's?!?!?!?!!

      Delete
  20. Classic, Original and One and Only Themes

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  21. :) Good Morning Sociopathworld!!!!

    Happy Friday Everybody!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good morning, Rich!!!

      Delete
    2. Hey Anon, How are you doing today?

      Iam having my 2nd beer and kicking off my friday night :)

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Drowning in a muddy pool of her own narcissism? Just a guess.

      Delete
  23. SDCEO SociopathworldDecember 7, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    Memo to sw dregs:

    ME is away for a period of time tbd and has requested all your concerns be brought to my attention, which, as some of you may know, can be retained for a period of time tbd.



    ReplyDelete
  24. SDCEO
    Is the format going to change?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear SDCEO:

    Please release M.E. from your creepy dungeon. I'll refund you the cost of your anal tickler if it prolongs my voyeuristic entertainment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol... gross. That's the worst image I've had put in my head all week.

      Delete
    2. Don't laugh! Monica made the mistake of using CEO's bathroom. She said she turned on the light and there was ME, hanging naked from a meat hook with a ball gag in his mouth.

      Delete
    3. SDCEO SociopathworldDecember 7, 2012 at 7:30 PM

      Speaking of creepy, I just visited your blog, TNP. Sorry but we're all staffed up here already. If we need you we'll call.

      Delete
  26. M.E wielded power. He was soft spoken. He was smooth. He did not trust, easily( or at all) In quiet moments, he longed for someone who could equal him in intelligence and power, to whom he could open closed windows of himself and open closed windows of another and let the breeze, or the sleeting rain, or the snow or the sunlight come in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds EXACTLY the way I would piucture M.E. in my head in real life ;)

      PS- I wonder what has happened to M.E., I wonder if he got sick, or got arrested or something?

      I have seen him not update the forum for a day, but I have never seen him gone for 2 days, I hope he is okay :)

      Delete
  27. UKan is like Mubarak.

    ReplyDelete
  28. UKan is God, and he is getting very pissed. Expect a flood, locust, or some other horribly terrible thing to come down.

    WAIT! This is the end of the world! This is how it all starts! We piss off God UKan here at SW and he destroys the world later this month!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I want to ask you guys a question. Someone I do business with dissed me. I seem sweet and too people pleasing in real life. This person thought she could diss me. She is gonna pay for doing that to me. I am not going to do anything bad but my sweetness and kindness is going to go and she will see a cold person who does business, only. I feel like am wrong to do this, but if I don't, I am everyone's wimp.

    I feel like I am doing something wrong, but my life has sucked and been out of control when I was everyone's wimp. What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "She is gonna pay for doing that to me."

      What are you going to do to her?

      Delete
    2. Break her legs with heavy rocks, and stab her kidneys with a wooden spork. Also, don't forget to use protection.

      MWAH! Go get um, princess!

      Delete
    3. I doubt if the princess let someone diss her. Right,
      Monica?

      Delete
    4. You gave her "some" negativity?

      Delete
    5. She "dissed" you? Seriously? It couldn't at all be that it's your perception of yourself that has been "dissed" and that she just needed something done?

      Have you considered that you "personalize" too much? That maybe, just maybe, people don't really care about you as a person and just need to get the job done? That your ego doesn't play into the big picture of their job?

      Delete
    6. I think bullying is the weakest form of cowardice. I am nice and kind to people. However, if someone sees this as weakness and disrespects me, that person will get a cool side of me, not rude or mean, just cool. I will not go out of my way to help her when she makes mistakes etc. I will not try to hurt her or be a jerk to her. I just will go into a cool zone.

      The reason this is so big for me is that when you get abused at a young age, in such a demeaning way as I did, you lose your power. The abuse was made to take away your power and make you dependent on the abuse, from fear.

      I think I took my power back. I feel guilty and shaky about it, still, as I feel I have to punish myself for DARING to have my own power, but I did it and I feel really good, too.

      Delete
  30. Hey hey there SW. How is everyone tonight?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Haven! I am trying to avoid a spiraling out of control upward swing and then a plunging to the depth of despair other thing. How are you?

      Delete
    2. Oh spirals. How fun they're not.

      I'm doing surprisingly well. Quite happy about that actually. Making a lot of positive re-connections.

      Delete
    3. They are not great, but they are not boring.

      That's great that you feel so well.

      Haven do you get intimate now? like, do you ever show a man how sensitive you are? Would you even bother to show anger or anything after being cheated on? I did not. I just left. I kept every emotion to myself like they were MINE and not to be shared.

      Did you ever do that?

      Delete
    4. I'm cautiously intimate now. Tech Boy was the last person I was pretty intimate with and I never fully trusted him even from the get go so I can't say I really let loose.

      It entirely depends on the person and the relationship I have with them. There's no generalization really.

      However when someone hurts me (like cheating) I shut down towards them. I don't ever let them see my pain. Not ever. That's akin to giving them power and admitting a deeper felt shame and I won't give that to them. I've experienced this many times and I'm very familiar with it.

      That said, I'm pretty happy single now so I'm not really worried about it. I'm not look or trying to find a partner.

      Delete
  31. I am sort of dating a self-professed sociopath and I am pretending to care about him and I even fake cry at his abuse...does this make me a sociopath? I feel empathy, love and compassion for everyone else in the world, but for him..I loved him until he told me what he was so I started to slowly and purposely freeze and stop whatever I felt. I read tons of articles about sociopaths and now I find myself immune to his actions, but I still pretend to care because I like the sex and like that he tells me everything I want to hear...I even let him steal small amounts of money and then act shocked and saddened hahahahaha OMG am I a sociopath or just mean for acting the way I do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies


    1. what kind of things do you want to hear from him?

      Delete
    2. He writes poems about me and pretends he cares a lot. He always acts like he enjoys being with me and tells me I make his day.

      Delete
    3. You're nothing like a sociopath, just aware of the game.

      Delete
  32. Haven

    If you would me to give my opinion on your statement to me and how this statement exemplifies the thinking that is your core problem, I will. I do not want to fight, though. I am wiling to have a discussion that I think can help both of us, if you want.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why is it a "problem" to decide what emotions to show? Look if I want to get back together i will do what i have to do and show what i need to show, but if they're dead to me, relationship-wise, because of cheating?? All I need to decide is how I want to be remembered in case i bump into them in a professional setting. The the hurt, the anger, all of it can be expressed, just not in front of them. I've done it both ways. The purposeful shutting down is cleaner and way more satisfying with a narcissist who will masturbate to your emotions.

      I enjoy to keep them wondering if i gave a fuck at all. It feels a little nice to just imagine a bit that they feel cheated, too. They do not like it when you don't fight for them back. It's like they never existed. Id like them to feel sick to their stomachs too.

      Go ahead examine my thinking, Monica.

      Are you going to say I should let it out so i can forgive them ? I forgive way, way too easily as it is. I LIKE my anger. I dont want one more thing helping me back into the arms of someone giving me a fucking crumb when i have paid for the fucking pie.

      You think I sound like a trapped animal just spinning in my own head? i want you to say.

      Delete
    2. You can elaborate on your issues as much as you like, but refrain from your judgments on my problems. Thanks.

      Delete
    3. HavenDecember 8, 2012 11:33 AM

      You can elaborate on your issues as much as you like, but refrain from your judgments on my problems. Thanks.





      If you don't want me to elaborate on yours, which I won't, as I try to be respectful of people, maybe you could do the same for me, and not elaborate on mine, as you did last night.

      Delete
    4. HavenDecember 7, 2012 6:48 PM

      She "dissed" you? Seriously? It couldn't at all be that it's your perception of yourself that has been "dissed" and that she just needed something done?

      Have you considered that you "personalize" too much? That maybe, just maybe, people don't really care about you as a person and just need to get the job done? That your ego doesn't play into the big picture of their job?





      This is what I mean.

      Delete
  33. AnonymousDecember 8, 2012 6:25 AM

    Why is it a "problem" to decide what emotions to show?

    The problem is not in what you show or don't. It is in knowing your own emotions and admitting them to yourself. This is the part that made me sick. I am fine in my outer relationships, but I am hidden to myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I am fine in my outer relationships."
      How could this possibly be true with so much turmoil inside and not knowing yourself? So much of what you say is not true and is confusing.

      There is no way you could have healthy relationships.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousDecember 8, 2012 9:57 AM

      "I am fine in my outer relationships."
      How could this possibly be true with so much turmoil inside and not knowing yourself? So much of what you say is not true and is confusing.

      There is no way you could have healthy relationships.


      I am not saying I have healthy relationships, per se, although I think I do, as I, generally, treat people as I would like to be treated. However, what I said was that my ISSUE is my inner self relating to my inner self, not my inner self relating to other people. That part does not really trouble me, but the other does.

      Delete
    3. I correct the remark "there is no way you could have healthy relationships."

      My question is have you closed the door on old relationships and started with new?

      Delete
    4. Oh, well, I have old ones that are good, with family. I have old ones that are bad, with family. I have new ones that are good with friends. I have old ones that are good with friends.

      I have a very open door policy with friends. Friends can come and stay as long as they want. When the time seems to be up, they move on, or I move on. I don't try to hold onto friends.

      Delete
    5. I have read some of your posts and aware that there was a narcissist/sociopath in your life that hurt you? Most victims report their lack of trust for ANY relationship friend or lover. I commend you if you have overcome this extreme betrayal.

      Delete
    6. Thank you. I do trust, as God will always be with me when/if people betray me.

      Delete
  34. Raven and Elicit spent Saturdays together, with Ravens daughters, if they were around. Elicit and Raven talked, laughed and shared secrets of harder days, but these seemed more and more in the past.

    One day, Raven leaned over and kissed Elicit. Elicit kissed her back with a sensuous flicking of her tongue. A deal was sealed.They held hands and went up to Raven's bedroom, which was all fluffy and girly and not at all what you might expect when you met Raven. However, there were many facets to her, as a multifaceted, mirrored globe, that one may see hanging in a finely decorated house, in the foyer.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Meanwhile, Rich had two girlfriends, that stinking, whore Bluebird and Miss America, complete with a fuck me tattoo on her neck.

    Rich had the problem of getting the 2000 dollars, with which to go back to the dentist, but maybe Bluebird would come in handy to solve that problem, too.

    Today was looking up as Rich dressed in a blue hoodie and headed to Bluebird's apartment. No one was home all day Saturday and Saturday night, to boot. Rich was a lucky man, as things were looking dandy.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Rich needed to get moving. He was sitting in the car in Bluebird's parking lot. He had his knife, her namesake, hanging from his belt loop. He was trying to strike a casual pose, as sweat ran down his face. Who was this bitch, anyway? Did she have an ounce of fucking self regard? He hated all the clap trap about self esteem on Dr Phil and that fat whore Oprah. But, for Bluebird, she needed all that and more. She needed deep, fucking therapy. Dr Rich, of the Deep Fucking Therapy Center, was making house calls. He rang her doorbell with a smile on his face and said hello.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Bluebird opened the door a crack. She was wearing her classic blue hoodie, tied tightly at the chin, giving her a "retard at a football game in the cold" look. Rich forced the door open. She recognized him from Establishment B. That was a fucking bad move on her part.She left him no choice, the worthless cunt. Now, he would have to kill her.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Where is Fake Medusa? I have been waiting for the next episode :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My ideas jumble around. right now I am jotting. I tend to do too much at once and get scattered. I would say by the end of the wk/wknd I will have another short chapter. Thank you for your interest, Sofa. <3

      Delete
  39. I have been waiting to see what Medusa will do, since you left her at that pregnant pause :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i just posted a small bit on the newer post.

      Delete
  40. Monica had a recurring thought. It was like a lief motif in a symphony, except it was not a symphony. It was her fucking head. People told her to stop that shit. She told herself to stop that shit. When they put her in the ground, the eulogy would be that this bitch never stopped talking about her mother.

    She thought about her mother, all the time, as if she had a giant tattoo, which covered her insides like a jailbird, protecting his pretty ass. Maybe, indelible ink stained her soul like a garish tattoo in colors of fire engine red, cobalt blue, emerald green and Amazon parrot yellow. Maybe, she was like the aging woman you see in Wal Mart, tattooed from an earlier stage in life, when it meant something, when she was on top of her game, a fucking beach bunny. Now, it was not not sexy, but was pathetic. She was the last to know. The worst thing was that even if she knew, it would not change anything.

    ReplyDelete

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