Saturday, October 27, 2012

Sociopaths in poetry


On the nature of understanding
Say you hoped to
tame something
wild and stayed
calm and inched up
day by day. Or even
not tame it but
meet it halfway.
Things went along.
You made progress,
understanding
it would be a
lengthy process,
sensing changes
in your hair and nails. So it’s
strange when it
attacks: you thought
you had a deal.

Kay Ryan, The New Yorker July 25, 2011


137 comments:

  1. An old Estonian saying;
    The wolf is made to be a predator. He will stay a wolf even if you call him a devout lamb.

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  2. This is very profound and could apply to so many things. Thanks ME

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  3. :) Good Morning Sociopathworld!

    Good Morning Monica and Blades!

    How is everybody doing today?

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    Replies
    1. Okay now I will answer the questions I was asked yesterday.

      Anon wrote- "Rich,
      Can I ask WHY you have not been to a dentist yet????
      GO TO A DENTIST!!"

      Answer to that Q is that Iam broke and have no insurance. Plus, I went to see my doctor I get xanax from yesterday and he recommended I take antibiotics, and he wrote me a script for Amoxicillin last month but I felt better so I saved it and I have been taking it, today is day 4 and he gave me a 7 day supply.

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    2. You won't spend money on a dentist? How much do you spend on average every month on Xanax, booze, weed and methadone? You don't even understand the basics of taking care of your own body. You won't last a week with no drugs in your system.

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    3. Also, Anon, The doctor wrote me some muscle relaxers to help ease the pain. He would have giving me Vicodin but Iam on methadone and at the dose of methadone Iam at (110mg's a day) you have a "blockade effect" which dosent let other opiates get you high or relief from pain. I have literally taken 15 30mg immediate release oxycodone tablets at once last time I was on the clinic, and felt nothing. One time my friend brough over a few bags of heroin, I snorted 2 bags (and at that time I was only on 65mgs of methadone) and felt NOTHING at all...... That is why they give it to addicts, to keep them comfortable and to get them on a dose that blocks any other opiate from working so you couldnt/cant get high even if you wanted to.

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    4. Anon- I quit drinking. I quit weed. The xanax costs me $64 a month with the docs visit INCLUDED. and the methadone is much more expensive, methadone is $14 a day, which comes out to about $400 a month.

      What I was saying was that I cannot afford a dentist with all these other things I have to pay for.

      Yes, you are right, I wouldnt last a week without drugs in my system, unless I REALLY wanted to quit. But methadone is more of a blessing than a burden for me, so I choose to stay on it.

      I know my mother would pay for the dentist, but last time my brother went he got 2 teeth removed and the bill was OVER $1000, Iam not gonna make my mother pay for that, if it persists after taking all of the antibiotics than maybe I will go get a "check up" but I cant afford the teeth extractions.

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    5. Rich
      There are natural things you can do to help the pain and the infection.

      Get a jar of organic coconut oil or sesame oil. If you can't get organic, get what you can from the store.

      Hold a Tbs in your mouth for 15-20 min at a time. Spit it out after that. the pain should decrease.You can contact me on FB and tell me what happens.

      I know people are gonna go crazy over natural things but you can be helped, in your situation, with some natural methods.

      There is another thing you can do( bracing for people's laughing ~)
      Get an onion and put it by your bed.Cut it. This will pull out infection. I was told this but have not done it. It was for more of a viral infection but try it.

      This is just my thought, but put a potato which is cheap or an onion, which is cheap, on your tooth.
      Both of these pull out infections and I have read about them being used in ear infections.

      Before antibiotics, people had to use natural medicine, so these things have been used for a long time~

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    6. Monica- Thank you for your help. I believe in natural medicines and they DO work..... Marijuana is natural and it works wonders for like 50 different diseases. Opium poppy grows from the ground and that is where we get our Morphine, Codiene, and heroin supply from. So natural meds do work.

      Have you ever heard of this natural one monica? My mother told me that swishing Vanilla Extract into my mouth could help, iam not sure what exactly it does but I assume since there is like 90% alcohol in there it may numb the tooth or something.

      Anyway thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it!

      Also, it still hurts ALOT but 2 days ago I was SCREAMING because of the pain and now Iam not, so I think the antibiotics may be working.

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    7. I never heard about vanilla but I just learned about the "Oiling" which can pull infection from the root, from what I have read.
      Glad you feel a little better. One day, this( all of these situations) will be behind you and you will be helping others, using the pain and angst you went through.

      Delete
    8. Rich, it's good you're feeling better. Continue with the antibiotics. The dentist will usually not be able to do much until the infection is resolved anyway.
      Make sure you keep brushing your teeth. Food that's stuck can make it worse. Vanilla is used because of the alcohol, but you can also try clove oil (eugenol) that you can get from the pharmacy. It's a local anesthetic that's been used in dentistry for ages. It also has antiseptic and pain relieving properties.
      Hang in there and go see a dentist when the infection subsides.

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    9. Oops, pain relieving and anesthetic is the same thing, I know. Advice still stands though.

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    10. Glad you're feeling better and more coherent... well, sort of, right? I thought I would address your question concerning vital area strikes. Yes, you can kill some one should you strike them hard enough in the throat, and surprisingly it's not that hard a hit needed.

      Your wind pipe itself is not that difficult to crush. The muscles in your neck on the other hand can prove another subject. Normally when choking someone with your bare hands you are exerting force around the whole neck which is primarily muscle. You will more than likely end up preforming a "blood-choke" by cutting the blood supply to their brain causing them to pass out. Should you release at this very moment they lose consciousness, they will still be alive... you more than likely have done little harm to their ability to breathe.

      However, place your two thumbs into the wind pipe and continue to squeeze well after they go unconscious and you could crush their throat.

      A well placed strike from a grown adult male/female or even a good size child will most definitely incapacitate an assailant of any size and has the potential to do sufficient enough damage to hinder their assailant's ability to breath in such a way that even upon unconsciousness from the lack of oxygen the body's involuntary action to again begin breathing would not be able to take place... rendering death.

      If you punch someone full force and manage to hit their throat you will fuck them up Rich.

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    11. He Virus,
      How have you been?
      I was watching the Human Weapon Marine Corps martial arts training video a little while back:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq4OMaIa_BI

      You guys are fierce.
      Are you still practicing martial arts these days?

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    12. Blooming hell, I can't think today.
      Meant to type Hey not He. Sorry.
      Also, are you really considering coming down under?

      Delete
    13. It's sexy as hell when you talk like that, Tom. Just sayin'

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    14. Green Eyes- Thank you very much, that was one of the reasons I thought the dentist would be pointless at this point because All he would do is write me Antibiotics and sens me home with a date to pull my tooth (if it needs to be pulled)

      I have been brushing and mouthwashing with listerine and Hydrogen peroxide....... I hear Hydrogen Peroxide kills mouth germs too. Thank you for your help :)

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    15. Elicit, what country are you from?

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    16. Virus- Damn I was thinking that was probably true...... When my and my brother were sitting and smoking one day he did a SOFT karate type chop to my throat and I could hardly breathe, even out of my nose!!!

      So that experience lead me to thinking if it could kill somebody..... That could come handy in a situation where you have no weapon and things get a little too hairy......

      Thanks for your answer!

      How are you today?

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    17. Lovely Miss Green Eyes... how have you been? Yes, I keep up with up with my MCMAP training. And I have this Gunny who works for mr that is heavy into mauy thai... I let him beat the shit out of me twice a week. He's fucking good! And ten years my younger. He keeps me sharp.

      Ell, that is a good piece of information to know. I hadn't meant it to arouse, but I after reading back through it... it is a little "exciting".

      Rich, doing well... not much time to chat today though; I'm visiting my boys.

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    18. Why is your english this good?

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    19. :) Well that is great Virus!!!! I hope you and your kids have a great time!!!! Ill talk to ya later or tommorow! Have a great day/night!!!!!!

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    20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    21. ElicitOctober 27, 2012 11:32 AM
      I'm Romanian.

      Whoa!!! Really? Eastern European girls rule, man. I'm moving there.

      No, really, are you kidding/messing with us? I had the impression that you were Australian for some reason.

      Delete
    22. tea tree oil is really good for teeth, too. you can soak cotton and put there and/or clean teeth with it, dipping toothpick or floss in it.

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    23. Rich, look on line for any dental schools nearby. they will do treatment @ very low cost or free. All students are supervised well.

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  4. sell something. sell your car. see how much money you can put together then get the rest from your mother.

    not sure how it works where you live but here you can get checked out, and if it will cost a lot to fix your teeth THEN you can buy insurance.. which will cover most of it. and it's not too expensive. also some dentists will fix your teeth and accept a payment plan.

    not sure how you think you'll get over your tooth infection with pain meds?

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    Replies
    1. Iam not just taking pain meds. As most of you know I get 110mg's of methadone every morning from a clinic, so that really helps with the pain but dosent diminish it.

      Yesterday when I saw him I told him I never took the Antibiotics he prescribed me for a cold last month because I started feeling better and recovered it. So I saved the antibiotics (Amoxicillin) and have been taking that along with Flexeril (a muscle Relaxer)and tylenol to help with the pain.

      PS- No car, No Job (that is why I quit weed so I can get a job, today is day 28 with no weed, but I did a drug test last saturday and it still was in my system) and No money..... So it kinda sucks........

      I think the Amoxicillin is working though because the pain isint as bad as it was 2 days ago.

      PS- Thanks for that link yesterday, that is freakin scary, thank god it says it is a rare disease in the article.

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    2. i scared myself reading that! tooth and nose things creep me out.

      if the infection is due to a bad tooth, maybe you should just have the tooth pulled out? when you have money one day you can have a bridge or whatever put in to replace it. isn't there some place you can go where they'll do that for free? like dentist schools where they need patients? it can't take much skill to pull a tooth.

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    3. rinse with a salt solution and use floss.. no way is brushing enough.

      my dentist tells me a number of his patients come to see him with very dirty teeth.. they don't brush every day. why anyone would walk around with rotting meat and vegetable particles in their mouth is beyond me. he's not happy about having to clean their filthy teeth. :-P

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    4. i didn't read all your comments so may be rehashing but am wondering what a young strong guy is doing jobless and addicted to pain meds? do you have health issues?

      every minute of effort that you put into your life now will pay back when you're older or come back to punish you in a bad way if you do nothing.

      get off the drugs and join one of those youth work brigades that go overseas to help the poor. this will take you out of your skin a bit and give you perspective. you have options that most people on this planet can't even dream of. yet you numb out with drugs and toss it all away?

      there are people who get up and go to work each day just so that they can eat that day. just that one meal every day is the whole world to them, the most that life can offer.

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    5. Zoe I will answer all of your questions now. ALOT of people on methadone have bad teeth, I know people who have had ALL of their teeth fall out in 3 years after being on the methadone clinic. BUT, the methadone itself does not cause damage to your teeth. One of the side effects of methadone is "dry mouth", saliva has stuff in it that protects your teeth/enamel and people blame methadone but it isint methadone itself, its a side effect from it, many medications have dry mouth side effects, I just drink water all day to keep my mouth okay.

      Yes, it is a bad tooth, I have two bad teeth in the back of my mouth, on each side (one on each side and it is the same tooth on both sides. They are the teeth I use to chew my food with......

      One night I was having chicken wings with my family and my tooth snapped in half right at the table!!!!! I dont know what happened to the other but it was probably when I was chewing something.

      I dont know any places that do it for free but ill try to look online. Thanks

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    6. Zoe- I live in South FL, which used to be known as the "Painkiller capital" of the WORLD. When I was 18 I started seeing a doctor and he would write me #240 Roxicodone 30mg pills a month (Which is 8 30mg pills a day of INSTANT release oxycodone)........ Than another doc came in and he was alot more "giving" with his prescriptions. He would Prescribe me #240 Roxicodone 30's, #60 Roxicodone 15's, #2 bottle of Liquid Oxycodone called OxyDose (each bottle of oxydose had 600mg's of Oxycodone in it, than he would also prescribe me #90 2mg xanax and #60 2mg Klonopin EVERY MONTH!!!!

      I got so addicted and my life spun out of control, I crashed my SUV (thats why I dont have a car), I was taking so much Oxycodone that my prescription would only last me 10-14 days a month...... So the rest of the time I was dopesick.

      The reason I dont work is cause I was smoking weed and couldnt find a place that dosent drug test. But, I quit the weed and today is day 28 of no weed smoking so my system should be clean soon,and when it is, than iam going to get a job :)

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    7. Zoe- Iam not working because I dont like to work, Iam not working cause I have weed in my system and want to get a decent job, since I havent smoked in 28 days hopefully my system will be cleaned out and I will be able to work whereever I want as long as they are hiring, Iam hoping to work graveyard shift at Walmart or something, I hear they have great benefits like healthcare and dental.......

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    8. wow rich.

      that sounds like a good plan, hang in there. south fl sounds messed up. :(

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    9. It is Zoe let me give you a link of what a "Pain Clinic" looks like here from Youtube......

      Zoe here is part 1 just copy and paste it:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj4YNT9qJL0

      And here is part two from the same "Pain Management" Clinic almost all of them looked like that when they were up and running good but this is the one where people (junkies) would come from all around the USA to find pills, here is part 2, watch the part 1 first than watch this one..... I used to go there.........

      Link #2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA20r1n5eaI&feature=fvwp&NR=1


      Now do you SEE how BAD IT WAS?

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    10. Zoe- Now does that look like ANY legitimate doctors office you have ever seen?

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    11. BTW- some dude filmed all this from his cell phone..... Its a big fucking problem down here in South FL.

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    12. Zoe- I used to deal with that every tome I saw my "doctor".

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    13. rich, that's so creepy

      i

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    14. Zoe- I know right? And it went on like that for YEARS just in the last couple years they have started cracking down on them and shutting them down or taking the doctors licenses away.

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    15. it looks so third world.

      being able to feel pain is a good thing. pain is an indicator. in a way it's like an another sense isn't it? drugging yourself up seems like a living death. i was on codeine a couple of times, once for wisdom teeth, and can't imagine wanting to always be in that quasi imbecile state. everything was so fuzzy and my mind kept wandering off, staggering and skipping.

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    16. I can answer that Zoe. Some people who don't feel much of anything normally suddenly feel more alive and tuned in to their surroundings on pain meds. Instead of being sleepy, some get a little rush and, and it slows down the racing mind. Much how ADD meds make some people speed and some calm and focused.

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    17. Zoe- I completely understand where you are coming from, and yes it does look like a third world country. My friends and I used to refer to it as the "Wild, Wild West" LOL.

      But seriously, that is how the pain clinics here looked for YEARS until they started cracking down on them and put a drug database in Fl. At my doctors office I would see people with license plates from Kentucky, Ohio, Tennessee, and West Virginia.

      They have finally started cracking down and now that there is a database people can only see one doctor a month. When we had NO DATABASE, people would travel from all those states I mentioned plus floridians and would hit up like 5 pain clinics at a time and go home with THOUSANDS of pills because there was no way to track the pills and the doctors sold them right out of their offices. They were called "Dispensaries" and they were right inside the pain clinic, the doc would write you your scripts, and you could fill it in the same building and go on your merry way to get high. It ruined ALOT of lives and killed alot of people.

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    18. @anon

      i didn't know that. interesting, thanks.

      @rich

      lawsuit?

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    19. Zoe- I dont think I would do that to them..... Honestly, it was my choice t go and get the pain meds so Iam just as responsible as they are...... Plus I had 4 doctors, one is in prison (for trafficking oxycodone, Money laundering, and racketerring) and the 2 owners of that clinic are in for the same thing. My other doctors got their licenses taken away or have just stopped prescribing.

      Most of the doctors they found were old guys that were not practicing anymore, so they had nothing to lose if their license was taken away because they werent using it anyway. They would bring them out of retirement and one of my doctors would make a quarter of a million dollars a year for working ONE DAY (yes 1) a WEEK!!!!!!

      Some doctors would work five days a week and make OVER half a million dollars not including the $50,000 or more that the clinic owners were making per day....... It really was fucking crazy.

      But iam not a vindictive person, I wouldnt sue them because honestly at the time I was an addict and they were just "helping me out" so I wouldnt want to hurt them now that I have cleaned up my act a bit because at one point in time they did "help" me.

      Iam sure other people are suing them but iam not going to jump on that bandwagon, everything they did was LEGAL, you had to have an MRI that was less than 2 years old to even get in to see the doctors, they wouldnt just write them to anybody you had to have an MRI stating what was/is wrong with you to get in and be seen and than they would write you the meds they think you needed based on the results of your MRI report.

      I dont wanna make trouble for anybody, Iam just glad iam not caught up in that cycle anymore.

      Delete
    20. BTW- Zoe, every person you saw in those 2 videos had to pay $250 to even get into the door to see the doctor, than they would fill their prescriptions ON SITE in the pain clinic and they would rpofit off the pain meds too by marking them up like pharmacies do, thats how they made so much cash.

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  5. TNP is going to love our old hen discussion.

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    1. tnp's a funny guy lately. he's a guy right?

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    2. I actually just skip most of what you guys write.

      =/

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    3. Although it would be interesting to know more about Richies dental problems I skip their discussions too most of the time.

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    4. that's okay i skip yours too

      i read tnp's though :(

      Delete
  6. I read this statement the other day and found it interesting in that this could be the core reason people find narcissists and sociopaths "evil."

    "Communication absent or lacking, we cannot truly feel the "humaness" of the narcissist.

    Interesting.

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    Replies
    1. yeah. you can't connect with them intellectually or emotionally. they're locked in their own world and never mirror back or tune in to you.

      it's like watching television when you're with them. you can participate, but the character is written in for you.

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    2. I don't think intellect has anything to do with the issue of the communication. That is only in the mind of the narcissist. And they do mirror back for only brief periods.

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    3. explain more anonymous.

      what i meant by intellect is i've never shared a discussion with one. they proselytize or entertain or just babble. one sided talking where others get to only nod and grunt is not communication. they don't take in, just generate output....

      me feeling, me saying, me, me, MEEEEEEEE

      :)

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    4. i didn't mean single white female mirroring. my internal state has never been mirrored by one. i've been indulged and catered to by narcissists, thought briefly as you point out, but never reflected back.

      the overall impression is of a large entertaining doll (or not!), and a lack of human connection. i have no doubt they feel that lack too. it's like they're trapped inside and you can sometimes see it in their eyes.. something watching you with that trapped or cornered look that animals in a zoo get.

      i've also noticed that they use their eyes to navigate, but rarely to communicate.

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  7. Dudes, fuck you. having no fucking feelings fucking sucks and you're a shit face if you think it's different. seriously. do you have any idea how hard it is to not be told what to do by something inside yourself??? do you? do you have any idea how hard it is for me to decide if i like something? or someone for that matter? fuck you you shits.

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    1. That's too dramatized, don't you agree?

      Wait, no feelings at all? Then what made you comment about feeling bad because you don't have feelings?

      How do you get all the brilliant ideas if nothing inside tells you what to do?

      How can you know that being very emotional is better than having shallow emotions?

      Think before you write something stupid.

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    2. Rembrandt = Oxymoron

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    3. Nope, sorry, I don't agree. I didn't ask for an analysis from your perspective of what I wrote. Fuck off my case (I just like to curse a lot). Anyway, if you have an opinion that you deem it's worthy, go join a circle that actually cares plz. THANKS ! :D

      Delete
    4. I think your post was really good, Rembrant. You told it like it is, it seems to me, anyway.

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    5. Thank you Monica :) It feels great to have your feedback. :) It means a lot to me, honestly. :) I always love the people that support my point of view. :)

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    6. And you did it again, Rem. Not only you mistake questioning with analysis, but you also think that I need your permission to respond to your monologue. Maybe you should follow your advice, friend.

      P.s. I hope that those smiles were indicating irony :)

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    7. Nope friend. Those smiles weren't indicating anything for you so ignore them. Nothing, I wasn't talking to you in the first place. Please post on another forum. I am not interested in talking to you. Ever. Thanks for understanding. Goodbye!

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    8. In other words you can't defend your moronic comment so you try to deflect. That's weak even for you. And you really love people that support your point of view, that's even weaker.

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    9. Dude, I don't care what you think. I am just saying it cause you can't see it in my body language, but I really don't :|

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    10. Nah man, my whole post is for real. It is hard to decide whether I like something or someone. Also, you have no idea how boring it is to have no feelings at all.

      I now am in a situation in which I cannot indulge in my every impulse. I cannot any longer seek thrills like I used to, partly because I consider myself more intelligent than the average criminal, partly because I got in trouble recently and I need to keep a low profile or I might end up where nobody wants to :D .

      So, yeah, I am trying to be a part of society nowdays.

      I am just saying that to successfully blend in you have to know shit that only having feelings lets you know and it's very hard to make those decisions based on pure logic or need.

      That's why I am saying Mee, you wouldn't know, but functioning in society without being actually sociable is not a walk in the park.

      Waste of time, you ... :)

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    11. "Dudes, fuck you. having no fucking feelings fucking sucks"

      So, that's how you feel about it, huh? Pretty strong feelings you have about not having feelings...

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    12. Nah, I do have feelings. I feel anger. But you can't function in society if you follow your anger, puppet! :)

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    13. I wouldn't know why?
      From the looks of things you have to be under low profile and that makes you terribly bored. So you decided to do some analysing and went too deep.
      But you still are wrong about having no feelings unless it doesn't mean the same as emotions. As I see it, you can't form a thought without feelings, something has to stimulate it. You wrote that you don't care about what I think, you need to feel sth in order to decide that, imo.
      What do you prefer: tea, cofee or juice?

      Delete
    14. Lawl, ok thanks mr psychiatrist and philosopher and allknowing. You know how thoughts are forming, that's gotta be in the news honestly. And yeah, I feel apathy, anger, boredom and as for good feelings, I feel something like an ecstasy or an euphoria which I related to the feeling of power and control. And in between, something I might describe as tv static. No long, defined, continuous feeling ever.

      I prefer coffee because it's the only one that does something for me cause of the caffeine.

      Delete
    15. I also play piano, chess, cycle, swim, read books make people lend me money without asking to give it back, make impulsive decisions to produce dopamine and do many more things.

      You have a wide range of emotions you just need to do more things to provoke them. But does it really bother you? Personally I sometimes think about emotions for about a minute when I get back home because then I am in a neutral phase (until I change my clothes and start doing something). I also find music to be a rather good solution to fight boredom.

      I like grapefruit-orange juice and I rarely drink cofee.

      How long you have you been sad? When will you be able to get back to your routine? And maybe you can share what you did? :)

      Delete
    16. well, thanks for the output but i am not really looking to share cause i know it would take a while till we reached a conclusion and i hate to socialize. Wouldn't want to start a conversation that I can't end and also you can't directly help me with anything so i mostly don't need you. thanks a lot though :) good luck

      Delete
    17. my point is that i find it kinda sucky that i can't get satisfaction through normal means and whatever i do is like getting in line, not natural.

      for example, i hate relationships cause i always fail at them because i lack that particular connection with someone else. i've got the charm. while i need someone i can handle them but when i lose interest i totally am unable to maintain whatever they think we've got and that sucks in society cause you end up meeting the same people you screwed once over and that is making me fail.

      plus i can't take their company for too long, so when i get bored fuck things up cause i don't care anymore.

      I tried showing people who i really am but that doesn't work cause they get freaked out. i get it though. they're like "this guy won't ever have any feelings for me so why bother, why trust him". i have to keep that facade but it can't always be kept up especially if i have no interest and/or not enough resources to keep myself stimulated and comfortable for a long period of time.

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    18. It's a little bit silly when you say that you hate socializing after you spent quite much time doing it :)

      It reminded me how Virus described himself as a narcissistic asshole three times... :D

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    19. mee's right. if you had no feelings (and maybe there is such a condition) the lack wouldn't be an issue for you. you can't miss what you've never had.

      what you write sounds like you're depressed, unmotivated or feeling apathetic. maybe because you're living a life you don't want to live? you're living low profile and missing the thrills. thrills are cheap though. it's bigger stuff that counts that takes longer to get.

      rein in your feelings and use your mind to form a plan to get to where you want to be.

      rem, look into yourself to see what really drives you. is it mind or feelings? don't let moments of not feeling good divert you from your goals. you can trust hunches, but not body feelings. the body is a lazy thing.

      Delete
    20. Oh boy, I relate to that:( (2:23)
      However, I have few friends that continue to entertain me. Try to find more ways to use them, that might help.

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    21. But I don't fell constant need to be with other people, even the entertaining ones. What about you, Rem? And read Zoe's comment carefully.

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    22. I think you guys are minimizing what Rembrant is saying. He is saying that he feels nothingness inside. It is like ME's articles on the amorphous self.
      That nothingness is such that he does not speak the language of the "normal" person. He is like an alien wandering among "normal" society.

      It is very lonely when he can not react as he feels because people are repulsed and recoil.

      He wishes he had normal feelings such that he could speak the language of humans and BELONG.

      That is my interpretation of what he was saying.

      Delete
    23. Why I'm not surprised...

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    24. @Monica

      i have a slightly different take. it's either more depressing or less, depending on how you look at it.

      i think anyone who is a even a little awake has felt the way Rem describes it, that they don't belong. loneliness can be one reaction to it, if your expectation is that you shouldn't be feeling or experiencing whatever it is you're feeling and experiencing. if i could choose between being asleep and the way i am, i wouldn't choose to be a sheep. if you look closely they aren't happier. they're just too scared of reality to question it, and some to the point that they lie to themselves. or they're too asleep. as my mother used to say, only the stupid people are truly happy.

      is that something to aspire to?

      with respect to being understood, let's say you're feeling this great emptiness and loneliness that blots out everything else and the only person who would be able to understand is someone going through it. then you meet that person. and they're feeling the exact same thing.

      then you get two people sharing a terrible emptiness and loneliness, and nothing else to offer each other.

      the stupid and shallow little things that people focus on and seem so important to them gives them the sense of connection that the "deep" never seem to get. it's a facade too, but the norm. i mean it's all a facade. we're all just activity partners in life.

      Delete
    25. i could have collapsed all that to this: we're all aliens wandering in "normal" society but we don't all know it.

      Delete
    26. rem, i have a question for you. what drives you to show people who you really are? is it a feeling? the need to connect by having who you really are reflected back to you, acknowledged by another?

      so if you don't have feelings for the other person, when they act repulsed aren't they just throwing back what you're throwing at them? maybe they understand you, maybe they even feel for you, but they're not going to be feeling with you.

      i don't see the logic of revealing that you can't connect and expecting acceptance, some connection from it. why not reveal yourself differently, show only what you can offer to the other?

      Delete
    27. Zoe
      I can see why CEO invited you for drinks. You are brilliant. I would go and just inhale the atmosphere :D

      Delete
    28. eeek my ego just stepped on my toe!

      Delete
    29. Yeah, no. The whole discussion was pointless to begin with because it was just me feeling weak and finding an escape from it.

      I went out and did some soulsearching and figured it out partly. It's that I can't find a goal for myself that I would consider worth it.

      Uhm, to comment on your assessments, yeah, thanks guys, you're truly feeling for me and stuff. I am wondering though, why wasn't anybody putting me down? Lol, I mean, that's what I was expecting and that's what I was looking for, to be able to fight something and get the feeling of strength out of it xd. There I go again talking about myself lol. Anyway, I don't know if this is going on mainly for sociopaths, but I believe it does: when I am feeling weak, I tend to refuse the help of others unless there's a situation where I deem it's ok to get help. I remember back when I was young that I found my mom's weakness. When I felt down she came and immediately tried to please me. So I went on for most of my childhood acting that way and had her eating out of my palm. It sucked when I came back one night and did some amphetamines with alcohol and she saw me in that state. She figured me out, I never needed her help. My life started sucking after that. I couldn't control my mom anymore. Shit, xd lol, you know what I mean?

      Anyway, that's the way I regard all people so don't bother being nice to me unless it's by giving me cash or something lol xd.

      Anyway, my depression came from that. I was feeling weak and couldn't find a proper way to gain power again. My immediate thought was to go berserk and fight someone. (frustration)

      I think this is why people who know me don't like me. Cause I am a horrible person. I don't feel the need for warmth and company and shit like that. When they figure that out they go running. xd.

      Anybody know what I mean ?

      Delete
    30. monica, you usually represent the empathy and feelings here, which is why your comment was "not surprising". but it was a great comment.

      i took the intellectual approach, a relatively easy road here. you can challenge me back. there are gaping holes in what i wrote.

      Delete
    31. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnhXHvRoUd0 lol :)

      Delete
    32. To piggy back on your comment about Mee's posts. I skip them, too.

      Delete
    33. Rembrant
      I am so blown away by the honesty of your post, that I will need a while to think about it <3

      Delete
    34. Uhm, yeah, and think about me telling that to everybody. Think about how they would look at me. That shit sucks man. It sucks because there would be no way for me to get under their skin afterwards. That would be sooooooo bad. I mean, fuck, talk about a witch-hunt lol xd

      Delete
    35. Monica, after Zoe wrote that she doesn't read my posts she wrote to Rem that I was right...
      What I wanted to say was that you always write as an abuse victim. Where I saw a bored man (later he said it himself) you saw a sad little thing probably because you related his comment with your numbness.
      As I see it, you are stuck on the first stage of getting better (admitting that you have a problem). However it isn't very bad, I think that you could get better with help of real psychologists.
      In the mean time, can you describe how your problems affect your feelings? I was never sad for a long time, so as a little scientist I find it interesting :)
      P.s. I don't read any discussion where Rich is talking about himself...

      Delete
    36. Rembrandt
      You said many powerful things and in them lie many powerful opportunities for change and growth. I will have to approach what you said slowly.

      I hate platitudes with a passion. Mee, you may give the Teacher's Book answer to the problem. However, if one is the student and not the teacher, cheating by trying to mimic the Teacher's book does no good.

      Rembrant
      I am going to study and meditate on what you said. It may take me a few days.

      I will keep on it and may answer on later days or later, today.

      Things have to come to me as epiphanies.

      I can't just approach things in an intellectual way.

      Delete
    37. Yeah, no. The whole discussion was pointless to begin with because it was just me feeling weak and finding an escape from it.


      Weak is a big thing with sociopaths. As I heal, I see how I cast off parts of me.

      We are all weak, at times( many times)
      When we cast off parts of us, we lose some of our ability to feel.

      When we cast off enough parts, we feel nothing.

      I know this from experience, not talk.

      Delete
    38. @mee

      i read your posts. just pressed for time and lazy to comment to ones that i agree with.

      :)

      Delete
    39. then you get two people sharing a terrible emptiness and loneliness, and nothing else to offer each other.

      okay so i'll challenge this since no one else will...

      it can be a great little oasis to find someone else who doesn't fit in the same way that you don't fit! it's the negative emotions you don't want to catch or share, the emptiness and loneliness. what's the point of bonding through that?

      being outside of society or not fitting in doesn't mean you're feeling empty and lonely. and, feeling empty or lonely doesn't mean you're outside of society, even though it may feel like that. i think the two shouldn't be equated.

      Delete
  8. I your going to curse at least do it eloquently or make it humorous. Randomly cursing without a pouch line Makes you look like a f_cking shit smeared gooch licking goat fucker.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Edit ¤ punch line

    And good morning rich. Hope u feel better. As someone said earlier mouth wash will really help. I find that really hott as hot as u can handle water with kosher salt is the best n cheapest solution.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mee said "That's weak even for you.". What do you mean by that : even for me...? Like, do you think this is the lowest thing I've ever done ? And how well do you know me to say that? Or you know the english language as good as you know me, must I understand ?

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's a video-game out that I found very entertaining though not the greatest work of art: it's called Lucius. About a boy that murders people. You guys check it out, some of you might actually like it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Rembrandt if you were not socially inclined you would not be posting into a blog talking all about yourself. Again, you = Oxymoron x 2.

    ReplyDelete
  13. There's a full moon coming.... I love that.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Things went along.
    You made progress,
    understanding
    it would be a
    lengthy process,
    sensing changes
    in your hair and nails. So it’s
    strange when it
    attacks: you thought
    you had a deal.


    Indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  15. :) Good Morning sociopathworld!!!!!

    I wonder why the same thread is here from yesterday?

    ReplyDelete
  16. I had the epiphany I was waiting for.

    I had the one that will take me over the bridge I have, so desperately, been trying to cross.

    This is what happened. I have a relationship with someone whom I classify as normal. She does not have a PD.

    She has her own business and has for years.

    She is married with children and married to the same man.
    She has a full life with friends, traveling etc etc



    I have been spending time with her. I try to learn about her life and see things from the perspective of someone who did not have a lot of childhood abuse.

    I had a small interaction with her, yesterday. It was nothing, but it set off my epiphany.

    I am a good listener and ask questions about people's lives and so people like to talk to me, usually.

    Anyway, I was asking about her trips which she told me about in detail. I find traveling boring, but I acted as if I was interested, to be polite.

    Well, I had something going on in my life and I wanted her opinion. Her eyes glazed over as if she was watching a documentary ~

    I realized how self centered she was but, more, how self centered everyone is.

    I thought *I* was the bad one in the world, and everyone else was good.

    Go Mal Narc Mom

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not good, but you aren't bad either. Seriously, you bad?! Ha ha :)
      Nothing is good or bad, every happening creates different ideas for people. What seems good to you can seem bad to someone else.
      You keep kicking a dead horse. Your mother did what she thought was right, you shouldn't analyze it over and over again. It happened, caring won't do any good. Many people who lose body parts quickly get over it, you have a normal body (I assume) your bad memories is your only problem. YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED! Move on.

      Delete
    2. I'm hoping your epiphany Monica has lead you to see the light; living in the past isn't productive nor positive. Like Mee wrote, do, move on. It's grow up time perhaps. Ruminating continuously on what Mommie did to you daily means you're still emotionally a child.

      Delete
    3. Lunar
      Your words are true and they are right but it is a process.

      You can't cheat the process by pretending you are at the end when you are not.

      I am where I am. I think you were trying to be helpful and you were right, but anyone can give "cheap advice"

      It really doesn't do more than make the person feel guilty and more worthless than they already feel.

      Delete
  17. The poem is perfect.
    Rembrant, I read over and over what you said yesterday because it relates to someone I know. I wish the best for you.

    I was on the other end of the relationship with a Sociopath and really tryed to stay but fear replaced excitment. Fear for my physical safety has kicked in. I never asked for feelings and emotions that he couldn't have and just acted my part but even giving him what he wanted didn't stop him from de-valuing me.

    Relationships shouldn't be so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Totally!

    Guys, listen. Monica said earlier that she was somehow "blown away" by my honesty. I want to quit smoking.


    What I want to say is this. If you're not completely honest when doing something it's worthless. Like in life, if you aren't completely honest to yourself whatever you might achieve is worthless.

    Be honest ffs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well Rembrandt, something that makes sense.

      Delete
    2. I will drink to that! Haha that was dishonest. Never touch the stuff ;)

      Delete

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