Sunday, November 28, 2010

Rape and sexual abuse

This post is not about sociopaths committing rape or sexual abuse (this time), but rather about sociopaths being the victim of rape or sexual abuse.Sociopaths who have these experiences are typically female.

Female sociopaths have particularly complicated existences. They need power, like all sociopaths, but there are certain situations in which they will always be more vulnerable than a man, if for not other reason than women are far more likely to be victims of sexual assaults than men. I would imagine that there would be a certain indignant detachment for the female sociopath that an empath wouldn't feel. Here is one female sociopath's experience with rape:
Saturday evening.
He spiked my Jack and Coke.
My body has never responded well to drugs, so it didn't take full effect like it ought to have: I was blinded and paralysed but had every other sense and was conscious. Not alert, but awake. He took himself for a joyride on my body for a couple of hours. Don't quote me on that, haha, my perception of time was warped. As I was kinesthetic for the whole event, I believe it was like this: missionary, spooning, doggy, missionary. Intermittent oral sex. I blindly (literally, not figuratively) fought to stay awake. When I awoke, my sight had returned, blurry but enough for me to drive myself home. Before I left, I gave him a kiss. We dated for a couple more weeks, then I called him and more or less told him thanks.
I wonder how normal people would react to this situation. I imagine the typical sociopath victim of rape would not report the incident, unless she thought the news would come out anyway. Otherwise I think the sociopath would only report it if there was a very good chance of the perpetrator getting caught, e.g. good description of who it was, DNA. The sociopath would wonder how the rape had changed them, question whether they "feel" anything about the rape, wonder what they were expected to feel. If the sociopath victim felt anything, I think it would be something like a feeling of loss, perhaps powerlessness, and isolation. I think all rape victims feel those last three to some extent, but the sociopath's strange relationship to self, power, and society would give them a unique flavor of nihilistic-void-"traumatized".

I think the example from "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a good fictional depiction of what a female sociopath might do in response to that experience. Here is another sociopath experience of sexual abuse and domestic violence:
I know that between the ages of 3 and 5, another little girl and I were molested by some guy and our reactions were quite different. She became withdrawn and cried easily. From what I remember, I thought it was boring and annoying, but I recall being so confused as to why she'd cry and get weird when it happened. Dude gave me candy (the good stuff), so I think it was a fair trade. Eventually I told the guy that he'd better give me more candy or he'd be in trouble. Score. I know that this was at my babysitter's, but I don't know exactly what year/age I'm remembering. Even if it was at 5, that is pretty young to be so different from that other girl, the control in this experiment.

Additionally, as far back as I can remember, my mom always had us sleep with weapons in case the "bad people" would come. She meant my father, and I knew that, but I never felt afraid. Just prepared. Sometimes my 7-year-old self would lay awake planning how I could best bring him down if he were to show up. Again, I wasn't scared, but I loved to picture beating some guy's knees, and then back, and then head with the ball bat I kept by my bed. I was basically fantasizing about beating this man who I had never met (and harbored no negative feelings about) to a broken heap.
My first recurring dream that I remembered involved one of my childhood "bad people." Every time I had the dream, he would kill me. Each time I dreamt it I could remember what happened last time and plan ahead to avoid the same mistakes, but I would always die finally. The last time I had this dream, it ended with me bashing his head in repeatedly, then running as I heard the gurgling of air and blood pass through his mangled face while he suffered to death. This was my first violent fantasy hat I can remember. So I guess I feel like I can relate to the victim who is a sociopath.

187 comments:

  1. yes, i have the exact same fantasy---of taking a hold of someone who raped me and bashing his head repeatedly. it's vivid and intense. once i was behind someone in traffic whose reflection i glimpsed in his rearview mirror. he looked like the man. cars were at a standstill. i had to restrain myself from jumping out of the car and tearing him out of the front seat---even though i knew it wasn't the rapist.

    i love "girl with the dragon tattoo." i think it's definitely spot-on about what a socio (or other pd'd) woman feels and thinks in these situations.

    but then, that amount of rage isn't only a socio trait following a rape. i do think, though, that my desire for revenge is probably stronger, more vivid and enduring than it is for most.

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    1. I've done it. It was wonderful.

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  2. I don't think I've ever had a recurring dream before. Hearing about them has always intrigued me.

    Rape is, an interesting topic. In regards to how it would affect a sociopath, I think some level of it would be based on the context. Was it a gang rape, a date rape, a vicious assault and rape? The potential for trauma, or lack thereof I think would weigh heavily on the details.

    The reader who was date raped, I think in that context it made sense. Even if they didn't know they were sociopathic/off-beat at the time. In anything, they might be confused why they weren't feeling certain things.

    For me, I think that knowing someone wanted to rape you would be more frightening than the actual act (so long as it wasn't vicious rape), as the tension and paranoia would sky-rocket. At least, for my mindset.

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  3. I wonder if a rapist would have the sense to keep away from a sociopath female. One would think he'd prefer the vulnerable women, the crying type.

    We need more female sociopaths on earth.

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  4. I never had recurring dreams but i often have dreams in which i struggle. I once dreamed that i was in a video game and ran out of ammo. I remember having to run and dodge the other player's bullets, and when i finally escaped i remember stopping somewhere in the wilderness and two pitbulls or something staring me right in the eyes. I stopped, showed no fear but remembered a feeling waiting to overwhelm me and if it did, the pitbulls would jump me, so i remember struggling to keep that feeling repressed, but i couldn't and they started running towards me and then i woke up.

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  5. ... but remember* a feeling ...

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  6. Aww shit, i don't know what i was trying to say there but you get the point.

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  7. Seems that it would depend on what type of rape it was but I think a difference between a socio and an empath would be where their anger would be directed.
    A scocio would direct it at the other person or that sex and a empath would direct it at themselve's. An empath would feel shame.

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  8. Interesting post M.E. I like the phrase ‘indignant detachment’ as well. I think that is how your reaction (or potential reaction) to an occurrence like rape might be looked at by normals. They would use it as further proof of your supposed inhumanity.

    What would repel them most of all about this response to rape is that it trivializes their own melodramatic reaction. It would show them, however obliquely, that it wasn’t the rape that traumatized them. It was their reaction to it. It’s their emotional makeup that compels their reaction, not necessarily the act itself.

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  9. I must say that I can definitely relate to some of the things in this post. I was drugged and raped a couple of months ago and the funny thing is, I was shocked that I didn't feel any of that everyone had told me it would be like. I didn't feel angry and I didn't feel hurt. No shame or guilt. Nothing at all. Well to be honest I actually feel even more powerful; now that I know what little effect it had on me. Thanks for a great post.

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  10. So go ahead and get raped little girls, it will make you more powerful! :)

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  11. Daniel, there wouldn't be anything to react to if the act was not forsed on them also it would not have been rape if it was not against their will.
    Melodramatic reaction is not common to everyone. Many times the victum will never tell anyone let alone admit it to themselves.
    How do you react to paralizing pain inflicted on you by someone else?

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  12. this i know, I'm going to have to disagree with you on people who are capable of empathy feeling shame after a rape. We are fully capable of anger and I find nothing in being raped that would cause me any shame.

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  13. Mike, I know you were being sarcastic, but if someone is raped it presents an opportunity to come out of it in one of two ways. You come out of it as a victim of rape or you come out of it as a survivor of rape.

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  14. A lot of the drama that I've seen portrayed in regards to rape has been through the media, namely television. I've spoken to several rape victims, and it (usually) really damages them. The melodrama, I guess, would be more from the reactions of those who find it, as in, family, law enforcement, friends, et cetera. The actual rape victim would be coping with the psychological harm. Any from of melodrama that they would project, I would presume, would be vigilance in exacting revenge on the culprit if they decided to.

    I knew someone who turned out to be a sex abuse victim in her early teen years from a step-sibling. It wasn't intercourse rape, but forced fondling, et cetera. Their sort of melodrama was of course, living arrangements, counseling, therapy, and inner-family disputes.

    One of the victims I spoke to blamed herself. She was gang raped at a party, and not exactly verbatim (as it's been quite a few years) she basically said, "If I didn't get drunk dressed like a total slut, it probably wouldn't have happened." I wonder if that was her way of justifying their actions, or actually some sort of odd form of taking responsibility, regardless of the fact that she was a victim.

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  15. no real direction hereNovember 28, 2010 at 8:54 AM

    I think that the only feeling I would feel would be a lack of power, which would enrage to a degree that I cannot fathom. I am a male and I have not been raped so I find it hard to really know how I would feel but I would probably hunt the fucker down and kill him. Would I fell shame? I dont think so. If a female was to rape me, however possible that is, I dont think it would ever be concerdered rape as I would not care to much.

    Maybe on a similar note I have reoccuring dreams of being attacked. In the dream I get extreemly excited that a throwdown is about ot take place but I always seem to have an enormous restriction of actual power and fall to my doom. I hate it.

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  16. Everyone is different and anger is certainly an emotion that would be felt in some stage of the act or in the aftermath. But for many the anger is turned on themselves.
    You have to take into concideration the age and circumstances alot of things come into play.
    Rape is not about sexual desire I'm sure you know that, it's about power, anger or sadisum. God help you if you ever run into an anger or sadist. rapist

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  17. Rape is not about sexual desire I'm sure you know that, it's about power, anger or sadisum.

    Classic rape, I guess, but things like gang rapes (especially drunken ones) could be about sexual desires for some of the participants.

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  18. I believe rape we could talk here about all kinds of rape. Not only physical rape but mental rape. When someone ejaculates mentally in your head.

    I am a victim of that. I know how the perpetrator lured me in with some sweet talk, and then i got raped. I know that long after that i said to myself " I was so stupid to fall for that again and again." I got manipulated.

    I guess there's got to be some sort of satisfaction or pleasure in the victims of physical rape also.

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  19. Wow Noteable you put that into words very well, pretty much what I was trying to say.
    Something to think about with the gang rape.

    Mike your an ass.You think mind fucking hurts but think theres pleasure in having someone forse themselves into your body.

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    1. Fucing agreed! How the fuck do we find some kind of pleasure in being raped? Mike, how about you go and get raped and come back and tell how much "satisfaction" and "pleasure" you get out of it.
      FUCK YOU ASSHOLE

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  20. i was followed home by a stranger whilst i was drunk. he didn't rape me, (what's the definiton, penetration?) he did take advantage of me (use your imagination) but i got away. the prick took off with my purse, which i only realised the next day.

    it's the kind of thing that had i told my parents, would have been the end to my freedom. that's worse than being raped, which i would have dealt with myself, psychologically speaking.

    i think i found the theft of my purse more annoying tbh.
    was i angry? meh. was i 'ashamed'? meh. what should i expect if i get drunk and walk home alone?

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    1. Stop blaming yourself

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  21. I think mindfucking hurts worse.

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    1. You think mindfucking hurts more than rape, yet you havent been raped and in conclusion your fucking wrong and i hate you

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  22. Did you fend him off with drunk-fu, notme? What were you wearing? :P

    A heel stomp sounds rather unpleasant when stilettos are in the equation.

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  23. mind fuck haha that a riot.. im sure that does not really bother you ....because if you dont like it when people are attracted to you and think about you that way the wtf i love the love

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  24. mind fuck haha that a riot.. im sure that does not really bother you ....because if you dont like it when people are attracted to you and think about you that way the wtf i love the love

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  25. Here's what Wikipedia says about types of Rape:

    "There are several types of rape, generally categorized by reference to the situation in which it occurs, the sex or characteristics of the victim, and/or the sex or characteristics of the perpetrator. Different types of rape include but are not limited to: date rape, gang rape, marital rape or spousal rape, incestual rape, child sexual abuse, prison rape, acquaintance rape, war rape and statutory rape.[20] The victim does not have to be penetrated to be raped; the perpetrator can use objects to stimulate the genitals. The perpetrator can use their hand to stimulate the genitals. The perpetrator can use drugs (roofies and others) or hypnosis to incapacitate the victim. Rape is not always done for sexual satisfaction of the perpetrator. Blackmail, punishment, curiosity, money, and power are all motives for rape, as well as sex."

    Under the heading of "Rape", Wikipedia also covers things such as "Consent" and "Duress", if you care to read it.

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  26. I think what Mike is saying is funny, because what lengths some of you will go true prove how cold you are is almost endless. If you think that first story is rape and believe everything she said you have to be naive. She didn't get her drink spiked, she drank too much and her boyfriend had sex with her while she was half passed out. Comparing that to someone who was raped is melodramatic. Now you can walk around with the label rape survivor. What sociopath would date someone who took so much power from them and tell them thanks? Sell it to someone else.
    I had a couple of sociopathic girlfriends back when I thought I should date myself. One dealt with it by spiking other girls drinks and letting her friends have at them. The other participated in gang raping a rival gang member. Sociopaths are very ticky. When power is taken from them they take it very personally. The blame is outward (unlike empaths) and the rage can blind them on their target. They have a obsessive nature.
    Asking a empath not to be damaged over rape is like fucking to be a virgin. I honestly would like to hear some hypothesis from people on what their reaction would be to being raped. Would it make you stronger? Would you be more powerful? Would you kissem in the cheek and date him for two weeks? I think this will make some interesting dialogue.

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  27. I do find it hard to believe, dating someone after them raping you, and it was a pretty good point that there is the possibility that it was simple inebriation. I'm not discounting it outright, it just sounds fishy. I'm sure there are details amiss.

    I can't see how being raped would empower anyone. All it would be is a new experience to add to your collection. Maybe, toughen you up a bit? It's hard to say, and it probably varies from person to person. The molested girl I mentioned (not the gang raped one) certainly didn't leave that situation stronger. She tried to kill herself. Several times.

    It's hard to say how I would react to being raped. Context I think would weigh heavily on this.

    UKan, from your time spent in the pen, how did you observe people changing who had become "bitches"? Not social status I mean, but personal character.

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  28. 'Did you fend him off with drunk-fu, notme? What were you wearing? :P'

    not really Hubby Darling.~ i was at my front door when it happened so i just shut the door in his stinking face and passed out on my bed.

    lol. i was wearing my usual getup, fishnets, bra and a belt.~


    happy times.~

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  29. This I know, most people wed an event, which is itself neutral, with their emotional response to said event. They do not enjoy access to the inner detachment required to fashion their own unique response to that event. They have no leeway, no flexibility. They feel and they react, and society validates both. By separating the event from your feelings about it, you create room on the inside, room you could use to maneuver.

    While it is true that everyone's psychological makeup differs, I do believe it is both possible and advisable for more people to learn to detach themselves from their automatic emotional reactions. At least a little.

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  30. While it is true that everyone's psychological makeup differs, I do believe it is both possible and advisable for more people to learn to detach themselves from their automatic emotional reactions. At least a little.

    Agreed. All though an emotional response, especially to something as profound as rape, is considered healthy, trying to distance yourself from the potential pain and trauma and sit back to analyze the situation would probably be in your bes interest. At least, most of the time.

    This can however have adverse social reactions, especially when that detachment is involuntary. If people perceive that something didn't push your button the way it was supposed to, they may question the reality of the situation, or your intent. Both can be harmful

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, jokingly, get your cry out before you fetch for the lynch mob.

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  31. The prisons we have in our country our heavily influenced by militiants who have a pretty strict code of conduct. However rare, even in there we had a few rapes. One guy used to get let out of the hole only to stab another inmate who wasn't a participant, but was from their card. They let him out of the hole again, I heard, and he stabbed another one immediately when he came on the yard so he was locked down is the super max indefinately.
    Another young kid that came from the youth camps since he turned adult got raped by the leader of his gang. This continued for a while till it was brought to the attention of the other inmates, because the kid finally snuck a note to a porter. When the rapist was approached he said that the kid had been in there having sex with him for a week. When the kid was approached he said that he had been raped for a week. It was decided that he showed weakness, because he didn't even try to stab the rapist. The rapist had to go, because it is mandatory. Both of the inmates were stabbed to death at dayroom the next day.
    Prisons mental facilities do not help. One rape victim who was a immigrant would ask for the Psych everyday till the screws got annoyed. This one sgt at night was one of those by the book types so he would actually go by everyones cell and check on them and give them what the prison is required to give you ( a rareity). He wouldn't accept bribes or give you extra though, he was one of those moral types. I like moral people as I said ealier. He ended up checking this guys cell and hit the alarm. The guards rushed in the cell and pulled him out. He was all purple and had a sheet around his neck. I don't know how he hung himself because there's not too much to hang off of in the cell. Even the light is flat.

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  32. I tried to get a empath to think like me and she became depressed. Empathic people need to have attachments like we need to have power. I thought she would become stronger, but she only became weaker. She kept my look on humanity, but turned it on life as well. She thought because people were meaningless that life was meaningless. I couldn't grasp what she was saying, because to me life is all about me. She said that me breaking people down into motivations strips the meaning from people. The thing with them is they like people generally. To them people are life, and to take that away from them is to destroy their sense of reality. Its hard for a sociopath to realize this, since naturally we think the way we see things is reality and empathic people are dillusional.

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  33. To them ( empaths)people are life, and to take that away from them is to destroy their sense of reality. Its hard for a sociopath to realize this, since naturally we think the way we see things is reality and empathic people are dillusional.

    Yes, UKan, those are the differences. If we (all of us) could but accept them as differences without labeling them as positive and negative, so much understanding could be had.

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  34. Daniel most people during an attack would become detatched or try just out of shock and that shock would continue after the attack was over.

    Thats why they tend to go straight to a shower not to authorities.

    I do agree with you that to be able to emotionally detach would be the healthiest reaction if it was voluntary and you had that much self-control.Unfortunatly thats not as easy for most.

    I think a self-help book on the subjet could possibly be a best seller.

    Mike I think it might helf you too.

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  35. Everybody serves their purpose. From the doctor to the soldier.

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  36. Everybody serves their purpose. From the doctor to the soldier.

    Indeed, they do.

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  37. If you only a sexual toy to a sociopath but you want to get him a Christmas present what would it be besides letting him do a realistic rape on you?

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  38. speaking of detachment (birdicks' comment) - i think that i can easily detach myself from a one-off rape assault.

    but Mike's comment about psychological rape is very important.

    being raped, physically or psychologically by a parent as a child is the worst kind. it stays with you and informs your whole life.

    it can empower you certainly, but luck is a factor in how life plays out, and many can't afford to use that empowerment.

    summary, if you are gonna rape your child, in any way, don't have kids, or stay away from them. pick on someone your own size. ultimately, you're fucking yourself in the arse anyway when that child takes revenge on you one day.

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  39. Toy, any number of sexual acts that he would enjoy, not limited to a rape scene unless that's his favorite fantasy.

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  40. I used to dream, now I never do or remember any of it. What does that mean? I also don't feel anything no matter how disturbing it is.

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  41. I'm going to put my business out there, as this subject hits close to home.

    I don't recall being raped. I have fabricated the story so many times when speaking to doctors that I may have never been. I know I was sexually abused at a very young age, and the man was a family member. It went on for two years, and I didn't say anything until it started to pissed me off. I was fine with everything that took place, but he did one thing that pushed my buttons, and that's when I had it.

    I figured telling my mother would get this man the punishment I felt he deserved, but when I finally told her, she waved it off as something he did as a joke, and dropped the subject. I kept it inside, not bothering to mention it again. If she wasn't going to help me, I would get revenge myself. Unfortunately, she cared to an extent, and I never got to see him again, not until adulthod anyway.

    The abuse itself did not bother me. The loss of control bothered me. Only when I figured I could get some sympathy from others is when I started to fabricate my pain, when in reality it was anger for "losing". I ended up lashing out on others, and became terribly violent. I never got my revenge, and this anger stayed with me until adulthood. I didn't let it go, this anger became my obsession, and only when I turned twenty-one did I finally get my revenge, and most of the violence ceased.

    There were other situations I caught myself in where I had control to stop what was about to take place, but I didn't. I allowed many sexual situations I knew I wanted no part in, faked being passed out once, just to tell my victimization story, and seek revenge. I did a lot of this before I finally got back at this man that destroyed my power. Every man I set up I destroyed, whether it was emotionally, physically (not death, obviously), and mentally. I hit where it hurt most, and with most it was their own families. Only men that resembled the culprit were bait for my revenge. Logically harming others did nothing to harm the actual man who took my power, but it made me feel better, and that's all that mattered.

    Being a rape victim, or sexual abuse victim, takes a part of that person. Whether they become introverted and depressed, or vengeful and full of rage, it's all in the same category of trying to cope. My pain was not a sad pain, it was not shame, it was not depression, it was fury, and it would have never died until I got revenge for it.

    UKan, on point with your post.

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  42. Toy, rape is a "fantasy" more associated with females than males. Males fantasize more about women with voracious sexual appetites.

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  43. I understand what you saying Aerianne but what study did that come from?
    Justice, has your life or just relationships revolved around what happened?And have you had any good relationships with men?

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  44. Google it, wish i knew. It's pretty widely discussed.

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  45. the fantasy of being raped is not the same as being raped, and every woman knows this. that's why it's possible to have rape fantasies, but when it actually occurs, the experience is completely different.

    it really is about having all your power taken from you--an actual rape. and i find that it did (in my case) result in huge amounts of rage. being silenced around it causes even more rage.

    i don't know what it's like for someone who is not pd'd. i don't have the softer emotions around it, like grief. i sometimes have wished i did and tried to force myself to have them just to feel normal.

    it's a relief to be able to say this, and i don't know why.

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  46. @wish i knew: No, my life hasn't revolved around what happened. Yes, I have plenty of good relationships with men.

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  47. I had rage from keeping to myself and when I finally told someone years later I felt better.
    I only admitted it after I was told the person died.
    I went through a period right after when I took it out on the males that tryed to date me if they were close to my age. I felt safe if they were years older.

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  48. this is i know, the detachment I am talking about differs from unconsciously going numb out of shock. I am referring to the type of detachment I picked up from my studies in Easter philosophy. Insight meditation, or just plain ole mindfulness is a good example. Mindfulness techniques shifts ones center of awareness away from the mind and into the body. This alone would create a sense of detachment from the ‘trauma’. It should be obvious from my brief explanation how this is different from going numb, which is an automatic and unconscious kind of emotional repression born of psychological shock. Numbness and repression are only stop gap measures. Bringing one’s attention back to the present moment and into the body is a technique one can consciously use repeatedly to get emotional relief and to create that inner space I referred to.

    Admittedly this is easier for me since my emotional dial is congenitally turned down, so to speak, but several scientific studies have confirmed that mindfulness (and thus detachment) can have a beneficial effect on its practitioners. So to address Aerianne and Ukan’s point, it is not that everyone needs to respond the same. The reality is, they do not. Obviously. And yes, it is true that I also tend to reduce people's psychology to their core drives (motivations), the things they hide from themselves and so on. But there are ways to relieve one’s own suffering out there, if they can but find them and act on them. The socially sanctioned methods (righteous indignation, years of therapy, defining yourself and your world by your traumatic experience, etc) are not the only game in town in terms of responses to unwanted events like forced sex.

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  49. Thank you Daniel I didn't mean to imply they were the same. The more you explain it the easier it is for myself and other's to look into.

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  50. i think that for me, peace really would have to be the outcome of either getting even or complete detachment, as daniel points out. since getting even is really not an option (just for practical reasons,) detachment will have to do.

    (but if i saw him again, i would most likely harm him.)

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  51. Daniel usually I'm with you and your intellectualising of everything. This time I think your wrong. I think you being raped would leave a mark on you. Especially since your experience in violence being used on you is light at best. Powerlessness is a sociopaths worse nightmare. I don't want to stick around to see what they will do to feel like they are in control again.

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  52. Grandma sure was a tough old broad.

    I somehow doubt she needed the gun to convince them to have sex with her. The savage reputation should have been enough. She probably got off on it to no end, though.

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  53. Yes, rape fantasy is very different than rape crime.
    The female rape fantasy, and the male fantasy of the sexually voracious female, share the aspect of fantasizing that someone finds you sexually irresistible.

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  54. Aerianne you have definately lived a full sex life.

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  55. it's true. it's about being so powerful that someone can't resist you (the fantasy.) and rape is the opposite of that--it's about having that power taken from you.

    for male sociopaths: imagine you are walking down the street and someone comes from nowhere. they threaten you at gunpoint. they take your money. but they want something more, so they force you to tell something personal about yourself, something you haven't told anyone before.

    it's something like that.

    now--how do you react afterwards?

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  56. That sounds like a really poor example aimed towards a sociopath. I'm completely shameless. At least, secret-wise.

    Now, if we're talking corporate secrets, or some other secret that can get you effed over for spilling, then you have to make the decision of whether or not self preservation in the immediate will carry over. Lack of loyalty can make life cheap.

    Still though, I think it's a poor example. I don't really hold any secrets as truly sacred. Not my personal ones, at least.

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  58. @notable: i see. but it isn't as though nothing harms you or enrages male socios--i've seen what happens on this site when others step on toes. (it's a free-for-all.:)

    i'll try to come up with a better example.

    for now: imagine the loss of material goods at gunpoint (even assuming that you don't carry much cash--for some reason, on this particular day, you are.)

    imagine you are humiliated in some way--i don't know what that would be for you, and i prefer you don't tell me. i don't trust myself with that information.

    and imagine how you would react.

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  59. I'm vanilla I guess, Aeri.
    Dumb example anon. I would imagine being powerless while someone steals my pride.

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  60. :D

    @ukan--but yes, that's my point.

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  61. Bad example number two. Not coming down on you, but material goods don't mean much to me in the grand scheme, and they can almost always be replaced.

    Humiliation, be it sexual, or just brutal, possibly disgusting, that would drive me to rage. Seeing red, if you will. It wouldn't be the act so much, but the fact that someone is reveling in my powerlessness. I can't stand feeling powerless in even trivial situations. I don't mean not in control per se, but actually outright powerless.

    In essence, it would probably have to be something close to rape, but more than anything, something disclosed. Private revenge can be quick, and satisfying. But if that heinous act is stamped into your skin and persona, there's no way to get rid of it unless you move, pretty much. You'd always be remembered as "that poor girl that got raped" or "that guy that was ". Some people would view you with sympathy. Some with care. Most, as pathetic and weak, at least subconsciously.

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  62. Don't look to materialism as a driving force by sociopaths. Its about power. The things that come with it are not the end goal. They sure are a great bonus though.
    I got a playstation move today. Now I can be actively lazy.

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  63. Reveling in my powerlessness. The thought makes me fucking cringe. Good example notable see what happends when you keep it real?

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  64. so they force you to tell something personal about yourself, something you haven't told anyone before.



    Try to force a socio to tell you something personal about themselves.....lol
    All you would get is lies.

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  65. I pretty much stopped being violent when I was still a kid, but I remember a few times when people tried to make me powerless, you know, like hold me down, arm lock me, threaten me while having me captive or what not. Comes with the territory. I remember being extremely feral during those times, sort of like the veil of humanity completely slipped away and I was a monster tied to flimsy rope. Sometimes that rope snapped. They'd never forget.

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  66. @UKan and Notable:

    my examples may have been bad, but i see it's the same for how i feel about it and how you do. i see red.
    i don't feel sorrow. and if i found him or saw him again, i would seek revenge.

    it isn't a moral judgment against what he did--it's about regaining pride.

    i assumed that for some, money was pride and that having it stolen would result in humiliation--that's the only reason i used that example.

    i also assumed men couldn't imagine what it would be like, but obviously you can.

    it's interesting. i don't feel so freakish for not feeling sad or afraid, or any of the things i'm supposed to feel.

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  67. What, exactly, are you "supposed" to feel Anon 3:29? I'm curious.

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  68. I was tortured before, and I imagine it being similiar. I think my reaction would be ten fold if I was raped.

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  69. it's interesting. i don't feel so freakish for not feeling sad or afraid, or any of the things i'm supposed to feel.

    You clearly have a personality disorder, my dear.

    Just kidding.

    Having money taken would make me mad, for being bested, and being a few bills short. But I don't sing dirges for Andrew Jackson's.

    I have a love/hate relationship with pride. Indulging in it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, as others pick up on that. Then again, modesty can equate to a lack of confidence or even weakness. The guys typically don't respect the modest mouse.

    I think having an air of certainty, or confidence, is more important than actual pride. I don't need to feel good about who I am, that just happens when it happens. I need to know that I'm in control, and that I know what I'm doing.

    From observation at least, I find people who revel in their pride to be comical, a farce even. Someone to put on my To Do list to fuck with. People who are confident and certain though, they almost demand respect, as it comes out of every pore. With those types of people, it isn't a question of loyalty. It's assured.

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  70. Well Ukan, what can I say dude? You could be right. Hell, you probably are. The only time I have lost control of myself was when I was about 15 and another guy deliberately bumped into me. I didn't think. I just reacted. I turned him around and started choking him. Someone had to literally pull me off of him. At the time I found my own behavior shocking since I didn't see myself as a violent kid. I shared that as my way of conceding that it is possible that rage might overcome my internal defenses because it happened a very few times before. Especially if I were raped. This is why I'm so big on conscious inner management.

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  71. Well Ukan, what can I say dude? You could be right. Hell, you probably are. The only time I have lost control of myself was when I was about 15 and another guy deliberately bumped into me. I didn't think. I just reacted. I turned him around and started choking him. Someone had to literally pull me off of him. At the time I found my own behavior shocking since I didn't see myself as a violent kid. I shared that as my way of conceding that it is possible that rage might overcome my internal defenses because it happened a very few times before. Especially if I were raped. This is why I'm so big on conscious inner management.

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  72. This isn't an indulgent question, but one of pure curiosity (coming from someone else who has choked someone)

    Did it feel good? Euphoric? Or was it more like swatting an annoying fly?

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  73. Notable, I'm pretty sure it was rage. I say pretty sure because I went unconscious at that moment. My thinking brain was off and my primitive brain was full on.

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  74. @justice: supposedly it's normal to feel grief, that seems to be the point of therapy--to get that all out.

    but i don't feel that.

    would be interested, too, to know what it's like to choke someone, UKan.

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  75. oops, daniel birdick i mean.

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  76. Ukan and Notable probably have more experience in the choking department than I do.~ (Nice addition, PoMo. ~ is so much shorter than my old sarcasm disclaimer.) I only did it that one time and it wasn't on purpose. I do remember sqeezing as hard as I could and his eyes bugging out a little.

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  77. I can say strangling people has been something I've done in rage.
    On a side note the sociopathic girl I dated wanted me to strangle her and call her names in bed. I had just gotten out and figured I would probably end up killing her, and it wouldn't look good in court. Strangling people fills me with a rush. She was a real muppet. She wanted me to sleep with her sister in front of her, tried to convince me to kill her fiance, and tried to set me up to be killed by him (he almost succeeded). It was then when I decided that I didn't want to date myself.

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  78. and if it was rage (rather than annoyance,) how do you shut it off?

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  79. When their eyes bug out is when I realize what I'm doing. Its like a jolt. The expression is perfect. They start to understand that they are powerless and their life is now literally in your hands and you can see it in their eyes.

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  80. that's an interesting two-step--she tried to get you to kill each other.

    good decision, to let go of that one.

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  81. When their eyes bug out is when I realize what I'm doing. Its like a jolt. The expression is perfect. They start to understand that they are powerless and their life is now literally in your hands and you can see it in their eyes.

    Always fun when UKan and I have the same experience. I think I used almost these exact words on one of the bloodlust posts.

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  82. The time I stangled someone, it wasn't even a person really deserving it. In fact, out of the whole lot, he probably deserved it the least. He just picked the wrong time to say the wrong thing and paid for it, dearly.

    I wasn't thinking about killing him. Murder wasn't on my mind, if that's what you're thinking. I just sort of flipped out, went deranged, if that's the right word? Basically went feral, pinned him on the ground, and almost squeezed the life out of him. It felt spectacular, but more than anything, the horror on his face was intoxicating. He can thank his mates that he's alive today. Took four of them to pull me off him and I broke one of their noses before they restrained me.

    That sort of thing didn't happen with "normal" violence.

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  83. Don't know who you are talking to anon4:10, but if it's me, I'll say that anger (of which rage is a subset) is one of the few emotions I seem to feel completely. It takes a while before my anger recedes completely once it gets going.

    It was then when I decided that I didn't want to date myself.

    Line of the night.

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  84. btw, UKan--i wanted to tell you that my laughter, followed by, "yes, but that's the point" had to do with feeling that i was speaking an alternate language--it wasn't about you.

    i was using examples about losing pride (or so i thought,) and everyone was saying, "that's ridiculous. why don't you do one about losing pride?"

    around and around.... :)


    at any rate: anger is something it takes me forever to come down from too. i haven't been physically violent, but i can scare people--including innocent bystanders.

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  85. Rape is an interesting subject. It is a perfect topic for me to broach as a female sociopath because it challenges that line between apathy and rage we seem to walk. Personally I think rape is completely overblown. In order to harbor the same kind of 'trauma' after being taken advantage of sexually you must possess an unrealistic view of sex in general.

    People who 'make love' have an intense emotional investment in the act of fornication, and therefore when it is forced upon them they get their panties in a wad. When I was a child my landlord was an avid Child Philanderer, I could always sense a cold feeling around him I was actually quite fond of. He was very manipulative and calculating, he enjoyed lording his power over fearful children. I have no clue why he took a liking to me.

    I was in another's words, "A scary child'. I was raised around criminals so never knew I was abnormal and should curb certain tendencies. Long story short he finally cornered me one day, drug me up his stairs and overpowered me. Had his way with the weak little child.

    I did not feel shame so much as an intense indignation that manifested as rage. I have always been a bit of a narcissist unfortunately and the thought of being dominated by an inferior was the utmost disgusting in my mind. One thing empaths don't seem to grasp though is that rage for me is different. The more 'rageful' I become the quieter, the calmer I get.

    He was a huge cat lover. I killed all but one, who I couldn't find. I methodically hacked them to pieces. Cause of death ranged from broken spines to severed arteries. I happened to be alone that day. I went home, cleaned up, and called 911 screaming and crying that the scary man next door was killing the kitties.

    That was long ago, now I feel nothing about it. I actually saw him again a few years ago, he was on parole- finally got caught red handed with his diddling. We had a nice chat, I've always been fond of talking with demented people.

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  86. I know how you meant it, but I wanted to be clear. My girlfriend has the perception that because I'm not satisfied with a little money, I'm violent, and I manipulate people that these are defining things in my life. In reality power defines me, and those things are what I need to keep it. I have been robbed twice and they got nothing. I refuse to let people take anything from me. If they do I will not sleep until they understand. Everyone in my business is constantly watching for weakness. Letting someone get away with anything is detrimental, because people talk. Once your a mark you are always a mark. If I hear someone got robbed, I will wait a month till he gets his weight up and I will be next to go in his pocket.

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  87. I've always been fond of talking with demented people.

    Ditto. Sometimes I'll share a cigarette with an especially whacked out looking homeless person for ten minutes of entertainment. Cost effective.

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  88. i love demented people too. :D


    @UKan--it's strange you should mention that. someone has been stealing from me, and i know exactly who and why. i want to get back at him (without call the cops, they're useless--i have no hard evidence and feel nothing but contempt for them besides.)

    he lives a few doors down from me, the man stealing. i want to get back at him, but i don't want to get caught.

    do you have any suggestions?

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  89. small things, mostly. he stole a hatchet (i have a wood stove and chop kindling) and a chainsaw from my car. (yes--it's for wood, i'm not in serial killer mode yet.)

    lately i've been coming home to find my dog in the bathroom with the door closed. (it closes from the outside--she couldn't have closed it herself.) a set of keys is missing. someone's been in my house--this isn't paranoia, it's just what is.

    (will change locks.)

    he doesn't take large things, for the most part--he's an addict. he sells things he's taken for a fix.

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  90. Throw a molly through his house and car window. If he's stealing he's hurting for money. Kick him while he's down.

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  91. If you take that tactic, I'd suggest a molly to the car first (if he still even has one, probably not for an addict). Wait a few days for his paranoia to lighten, thinking it was some acquaintance he probably pissed off as he probes to find out who it is. Then hit the house. He'll either get the message or he'll be so flipped out an paranoid he'll get the hell out of dodge for a while.

    Don't be afraid to be heavy handed with addicts. They're truly sub-human, PD or no PD.

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  92. it's a small neighborhood--not city. you can't get away with that here (though appreciate the suggestion.)

    i think i'd like to scare him more than harm him. maybe i'll leave a few things on his door step. nothing dead... but something that suggests death.

    do you think a knife would be too subtle? do you think that might backfire possibly?

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  93. Oh addict. Leave a bag of dope with whatever you want to put in it in a place where we will stumble upon it. Leave your door unlocked. Let the rat come and get the cheese.

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  94. Disclaimer: I'm not suggesting poisoning him

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  95. Don't leave something at his place that can potentially be your own murder/mugging weapon. Please tell me you were kidding...

    If you're going to leave something at his place, or in his place, it has to be symbolic but clear cut. No speculating about it. I'd suggest something else maybe, like setting a trap in your house that your dog won't trip, or a note saying that "If you ever come here again, I will drop your corpse in the sewers," something that can't get you in trouble without him incriminating himself.

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  96. You knob he's not going to ingest it at her place. He's going to go home. He cleans his own crime scene.

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  97. the note---it's perfect. thanks much. :)

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  98. She leaves it at her place. She doesn't sound sure its him. If he's a addict and keeps robbing your house leave a bag in your house. Its a mouse trap. If it turns out its not him, then you still win. Just look to what house the ambulance arrives.

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  99. Jesus notable. You need everything spelled out for you. You have no art in conversation. The fucking poisn you wanker.

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  100. I am not suggesting poisoning him

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  101. I wasn't confused about the content, but the fact that you seemed to be referencing me with the poison, as I didn't mention using said tactic. Some odd bit of miscommunication is all.

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  102. --<=! This is not a picture of a syringe to subliminally entice you to poison your neighbor

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  103. Heh. Reminds me of a segment from a book I read a while back.

    The main character is trying to assassinate a prominent banker who is under protection 24/7. She hires a poisoner to help assassinate him. This friggin guy puts contact poison in the entire damn bank, insuring that the banker will touch something with it. First think in the morning, over a score of people are dead and the protagonist is flipping out on the poisoner because she only wanted to kill the one. I loved his reply.

    "I didn't charge you extra for the other nineteen."

    Loved that book.

    "Best Served Cold" by Joe Abercrombie, if any of you are interested.

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  104. Its not technically murder if you accidently left a bag of poison mixed with his favorite fix. He robbed it from you and ingested it. I would die for a freebie like that to fall in my lap.

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  105. Just don't leave it on the floor next to the front door, dear ;) Don't want sparky getting into it looking for scooby snacks, or the addict to have a Captain Obvious moment.

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  106. he is a captain obvious moment, poor man. (he isn't violent... he isn't very interesting. largely, he's just clueless.)

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  107. I've always wanted to make someone commit suicide. That guy in sherlock holmes did and for some reason I was dissapointed, because back then I thought it was a original idea.

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  108. lol Notable, i thought i'd let you know that anon/empath over there is questioning our union.

    i think someone needs to let her know that it's not real.

    she's even doubting my entire personality. :(

    Anon/Empath - please comment here, i'm tired of scrolling back and back!

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  109. oh no. not her again.

    (goodnight all. :)

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  110. i think there's a scene from 'Rebecca' where the main maid servant tries to coax her muddled master's new mistress to jump out of a window.

    people are so fucked up it's hilarious.

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  111. Empath is more out of touch with reality than just thinking Notable and notme are serious. Tell me that was not your first clue.

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  112. I've been keeping tabs, dearest.

    Here's my feeling about convincing someone to commit suicide: I guess I wouldn't get off on it very much. The idea of inducing suicide, it really doesn't display power to me. I know that it is power, but when that life is gone, your influence is gone. They're just a sack of inanimate meat. You didn't really win, you just caused them to quit the game of life. I don't see much pleasure in that.

    If someone's at the edge, so to say, they don't usually need a push. It's only a matter of time.

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  113. i enter everyone else's world quite easily. so sanity is not really a prerequisite for conversing with people. in fact, it gets in the way of a good time.

    i couldn't possibly pass judgment on others.

    not whilst i'm high thanks very much.

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  114. copied and pasted from TNP's blog for our delectation. ;)

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  115. Please don't import idiocy we have enough of it

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  116. There's always more people to influence

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  117. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  118. Lol. The low functioning sociopath at their best.

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  119. Free is my favorite price of admission, of that, an admission.

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  120. I knew this girl that said every time a man sleeps with a woman it is rape. I asked if I could rape her, and she said no. So I had sex with her. Am I a rapist?

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  121. Did she have a cat, or several cats?

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  122. Did this cat ever happen to live in a hat? Under a mat? Masturbate to scat?

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  123. seriously people, what's the obsession with cats on this site? they show up every single post.

    and yes, sex is rape. why do you even need to question this?

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  124. All I know is that I know... something? I think.

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  125. ooh tantalising Notable...
    please, do go on...

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  126. The obsession with cats can be explained thusly:

    Cats are synonymous with pussies and every one here has one of those.

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  127. One of them was definitely worth it. Ended up letting me living with um free of charge, plus food for quite some time. I was her little guardian angel... I couldn't even type that with a straight face.



    Hero in your own mind....lol

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  128. So why do you all think the sociopath dated her rapist for a couple of weeks after said rape?

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  129. Latching on to the pathetic

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  130. And what was the thanks for?

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  131. Hero in your own mind....lol

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

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  132. Anon read the fucking story

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  133. Off Topic

    Who knows about international dialing codes? I got 3 calls from an 11 digit number that began with "6". I'm just curious.

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  134. I had this one girlfriend who got really wasted one night after drinking so much jack and coke. We stumbled back to my room and we fucked all night. She was a dead fuck, but it was what I was settling for I guess. The next day she kissed me on the cheek and told me thanks. She dated me for a couple of weeks after that, but I dumped her because she was a dumb bitch.

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  135. aerienne--you think you're off topic? at least you have a point.

    mr. nice guy? no.

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  136. You think she was thanking him for rendering her immobile and stripping her of her power? Riiiiight.

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  137. I love how Notable and UKan constantly try to one-up each other in terms of violence.

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  138. "rape is a "fantasy" more associated with females than males. Males fantasize more about women with voracious sexual appetites."

    "The socially sanctioned methods (righteous indignation, years of therapy, defining yourself and your world by your traumatic experience, etc) are not the only game in town in terms of responses to unwanted events like forced sex."


    Wow, certainly one of the richest and well formulated collection of topic related comments this time!

    Following Freud, I could see how "most" straight males PD's or not, would think of/fantasise about falling in love/having unbelievable sex with the woman/women of their dreams except reality gets very complicated especially for those with PD's or some other rejection inducing traits/situations. For those who finally succumb and decide on realising their obsessions inspite of their limitaions, rape may well be the only conclusion/explaination left for sexual gratification but society being what it is (a mechanism for pre-selection?), will never let it stand at just that. Think ~ the problems Mike Tyson had for his obsession to be loved. There was a tradition in one of the cultures of pseudo-polynesian origins in my country that purportedly had a quaint myth of blaming a bogieman to hide the discomfort of unwarranted pregnancies in their very close knit and religious village dynamics.
    On the other hand, sanctioned rape like those where adrelanine boosted militants are commanded to impregnate the women of their enemies might well be a clear case of "power tripping".

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  139. This time I tried reading all the comments, but I got bored. Notable, you are so easy. You are constantly trying to relate to everyone. Especially people that fuck with you. Almost like "look at me daddy, I can do it too!" Like it isn't perceived as pathetic somehow that your such a worshipping rebel. At any rate, this rape bullshit is just ignorant. The concept of a sociopath being raped and acting out is an interesting topic, while the silly lines of rape that you're all drawing are a waste of time. Its funny to me that sociopaths would try to take vengeance on the world and forward their pain to others. Its an interesting concept. Its also funny to me that ukan enjoys toying with peoples lives as if he's forwarding his own pain. Perhaps these power plays have something in common. And somehow instead of delving into these concepts we've watched in tedium as unable tries to relate to everyone in one desperate attempt or another. Perhaps well hear more about ukans creepy personal life in days to come. Wouldn't that be fun.

    Have we yet cemented that I am not ukan enough to make unable feel like being afraid of me for my own powers of insight?

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  140. And to gag reflex
    Educated but inconsistant. Somewhere in there did you lose your thought while reciting all those facts, or did I just misread it.

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  141. ;-)snuggles,

    Was just about to comment the same on yours;
    "Forward your pain?" and also, am I to assume that you got bored and interested at the same time?

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  142. I've always been fond of talking with demented people.

    Ditto. Sometimes I'll share a cigarette with an especially whacked out looking homeless person for ten minutes of entertainment. Cost effective.


    That is so funny. My co-workers love my stories of homeless person chats and that one time I bought dinner for this guy and myself after he told me he was hungry and a murderer on the run.

    I don't know if it is because I study people and am always looking for more data in my person algorithm, for the sake of entertainment, or why, but I always got a kick out of it.

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  143. Regarding M.E.'s post,
    I think it is totally possible for a person to experience what would qualify as rape, and to not have sad/hurt/angry feelings about it if they do not naturally have that kind of emotional scope. It isn't about disconnecting oneself as a defense mechanism. It is about socios just not feeling that much.

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  144. Snuggles, thats what draws me into this, the fact that they are relating to everyone and it's their site.
    Whatever experiences we've had and they are all very different, are ours and sometimes it's a release for all. We don't have to agree but someone is always listening.
    Everyone here is extremely open. Just takes some getting use to.

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  145. 'I think it is totally possible for a person to experience what would qualify as rape, and to not have sad/hurt/angry feelings about it if they do not naturally have that kind of emotional scope. It isn't about disconnecting oneself as a defense mechanism. It is about socios just not feeling that much.'

    agreed Pythias.

    personally, the things that i am expected or even told to have strong reactions to can be the things that don't bother me at all. whereas, for me, it's the small day-to-day things that i may react to strongly. everything is a bit reversed for me in that sense.

    when you don't feel a whole or a constant sense of self, in the first place, then you can't really have that wholeness threatened.

    it's as if just parts of me get threatened, not my entire being.

    i don't believe this is at all about PTSD, i think it is the way i have always been.

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  146. @snugglebear:

    no one is afraid of your power of insight.

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  147. UKan 7:25am is not UKan. Unless someone gets defensive about being pathetic, then I will coop him.

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  148. :D i love you, UKan.

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  149. " where adrelanine boosted militants are commanded to impregnate the women of "

    Nope. Adrenaline. Far off, Gag.

    Once a homeless tried to convince me that I should sleep under the sky not in my expensive hotel room. He was a homeless in charge of all the other regional homeless, The Power Man, so to speak.

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  150. homeless people really should rule the world. it would be a lot more interesting that way.

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  151. Ah. This site is about being open minded and relating to people. Well, silly me. I thought I was on a sociopath blog, wwwhere people would either be in a position of control, or a position of wanting to somehow relate to the guy in control. Sociopaths cannot function side by side. The territoriality issues begin to come into play. So if you're trying to relate try to figure out who you're trying to impress.

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  152. So if you're trying to relate try to figure out who you're trying to impress.

    then figure out that this isn't reality. it's an on line blog and you are truly pathetic.

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  153. How nice that you found somewhere to fit in.

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  154. i used your name at the door.

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  155. I was raped ten years ago by someone I was dating at the time. It never bothered me. Actually the only issues I have had from it were because I felt that I should feel something about it, but I didn't and that bothered me. The act itself didn't really have an effect, I'm not a different person because of it like most women say; I'm not traumatized, I can and do enjoy sex unlike a lot of victims; I just didn't seem to be the average case and it bugged me because it felt like it was almost expected that I react in a certain way and I couldn't. I did feel shame, I still don't want people to know about it, although I secretly held it as a badge of honor over other survivors. There was a bit of detatchment, not in a sence of numbness, but in feeling like it just didn't matter. It wasn't some huge life altering event, it was just something that happened. Sex doesn't really hold much meaning to me, so the act itself was no big deal, I even ended up on top and in control. I was forced though and I hate that, but I hate all situations where I'm forced kicking and screaming into doing something I don't want, and I do hate him for that.

    Now I never told anyone about this, and so unsurprisingly the guy raped another girl after me (and who knows how many others), she was actually a friend of mine and she reacted in the typical way. Lots of tears and therapy and a suicide attempt later, she's still not over it. I know that I should feel bad that I in essence facilitated her rape, but I don't. I felt annoyed at her that she was so emotional about it. I couldn't understand why she was so upset when the same thing had happened to me, by the same person and I had never had a problem. I felt like she had to be defective or something, why should it bother her and not me? Now, I don't know if I'm a sociopath or not, obviously I'm not about to talk to a psychologyst about it to find out, but I figured that I would share my point of view because it's definitely not the typical one.

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    Replies
    1. I feel exactly the way you did, in fact I just posted my own story. I do not know if the man who molested me ever did the same to anyone else, and I don't really care. Sex is not a big deal and there is no reason for someone to be a whiny, dramatic bitch just because they were raped. I feel disgust for the weakness of those who are raped and react in a "typical" way, they should be stronger. They should not let the actions of someone else affect their life. I do, however, differ from you in one respect. I do not hate him, I do not feel anything towards him, he is insignificant to me.

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  156. I was raped at the age of 13 by a man who held me at gun point and broke my hip into 4 pieces. I was bleeding, and he left me in this field near my house, I remember being angry at him but as I lay there in that field I kept thinking about things like "I wonder how much school I am going to miss" and "I hated the shirt I was wearing so really he did me a favor".

    When the police were interviewing me later they mentioned how collected I was and how I didn't react like a rape victim. They were convinced it had happened before and that I knew him, so much so that he was never actually arrested because my reaction wasn't "Normal".

    I was only angry because I didn't like missing school when It was football season, and because I knew my mom couldn't afford the hospital bills (which meant I didn't get ice cream money on Friday). I kind of knew something wasn't right about my reaction but I wasn't aware of Sociopathy yet.

    To this day I am not upset or affected in any way, but I do often use it to my advantage... Everyone wants to fix a pretty little damaged girl right?

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  157. Were you convinced anon? Anyhow homes are overated and as you have postulated, people who live in them have numbing conversations about who should rule the world and spelling that would make sociopathic rape victims proud.

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  158. numbness = curiosity?

    If so, are there actually any victims?

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  159. I wonder how many of these rape "victims" realize that the sharing of their stories are potentially arousing a number of M.E.'s readers?

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  160. In victorian times this would be referred to as "coquettishness."

    one word - plausible deniability

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  161. ...and also the fact that at anypoint in time, there are ridiculously more men wanting to have sex with women than vise versa makes it a perpetual "imbalance of trade" sometimes leading to the impoverished rising up against the established order rather than playing the "reward" game.

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  162. I question SweetSalineStained's story.

    Regardless of the fact that the sex may have been perceived as consensual, the physical assault would have been unacceptable. Even police regard a battered partner with some shred of perhaps feigned interest and sympathy. At that age, I doubt they would have left you to the EMTs.

    That, and you seem like you're trying too hard to be text-book.

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  163. SweetSalineStained's arousal attempt: failed.

    Notable is a connoisseur of authentic rape stories.

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  164. I subscribe to the monthly newsletter. Hardly a connoisseur.

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  165. Women who are sociopaths deserve rape and abuse, especially being called a bitch, whore, lesbian, etc. because they are not behaving like real ladies should.

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    ReplyDelete
  167. I would first like to state that I do not think that I am a sociopath, however I do seem to share some of the same attributes. I was sexually assaulted when I was 19 (I am almost 23 now) and have always wondered why it did not affect me the way it was supposed to. I had met a guy from my town online and agreed to meet him at his house. We were hanging out and he asked if I wanted something to drink, I said yes, because at 19 drinking was exciting. I don't know if he put something in my whiskey or if I just drank too much but I must have passed out. I awoke on his bed with him over me, I can remember feeling very lethargic and unwilling to move or even open my eyes. He pried my mouth open and proceeded to, my apologies for language, "fuck my mouth". I remember thinking that I could do a number of things, but they would probably make the situation worse so I laid there while he did his thing. After he was finished I went back to sleep. I don't know how much later it was that I woke up, but I made no mention of what had happened and neither did he. He offered me water, I accepted, and then we watched The Wedding Singer. In my opinion it was not a good movie, but then I don't like Adam Sandler. I then left, we have talked a few times since then and we are still friends on facebook but I haven't seen him since.

    ReplyDelete

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