Friday, January 18, 2013

You are what you eat

I am very impressionable. I am so impressionable that the self that I call mine seems to be no more than a hodgepodge collection of everything I have thought, everything i have experienced, everyone I have been around. I used to be very reckless in my youth with what I did, what I chose, what I thought. I wanted to try everything and everyone, wanted to know what else was out there in the world. Everything I did changed me, though, for better or for worse. I didn't realize it at the time, and didn't really realize the extent of it until relatively recently. That thought has made me more circumspect.

I feel like this must be true of non sociopaths as well, but maybe to a lesser extent. Maybe they just don't acknowledge the inherent fluidity of the self? It's interesting to me to think that my body is made up of everything that I have eaten. There is literally nothing about my body that I haven't ingested at one time or another -- not my brain, not my heart, not my lungs, not my eyes or teeth... it's weird thinking that I am made up of cheeseburgers.

People want to know why sociopaths have a hard time letting go sometimes. Some of it may be the thrill of the hunt, the sting of defeat, or vindictiveness. I think for me it is mainly because everyone that has ever been close to me has become a part of me. Like that Paul Young song, every time they go away, they literally take a piece of me with them.

123 comments:

  1. Oh poor sociopaths. They have a hard time letting go, lol.

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  2. I feel a little mean saying that.
    Apologies.

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  3. Love the song reference M.E.
    80's love songs are the best!!

    Don't leave me alone picking up the pieces.............

    LOL

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  4. This post appeals to me.

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  5. It feels good to hurt people (socios) who you hurt you (empath).

    (ie, to get rid of them when they least expect it, after they teach you so much but right before they really rob your soul blind. 'Take your money an run', so to speak, before they get a real return on their investment.)

    Even if it is no sweat of their back, just the thought that it might be is vindicating.

    Victim --> victimizer pathology I guess. Or maybe not. I am sure there are plenty of names for it.

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  6. I was in nappies/diapers when this song was released, so its not a song im familiar with. I think i understand the meaning behind the lyric though?
    However referring back to M.E's post. I think you have a point. Aren't we all made up from our experiences with people to a certain degree?. I do believe people can leave lasting impressions.

    Tink.

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  7. That hasn't been my experience. I think it's better to just be honest and if you don't like something then step back and disengage. Do whatever you have to to defend yourself, if it comes to that, but I think doing things with an intention to cause suffering, and even without that intention, even to those who do not have your best interests at heart, has a price.

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  8. I can agree with this, in some way. I don't personally feel like I take anything from people that I can be truly grateful for, but I suppose that's not what you're saying. I often refuse to believe it or accept it as having any integrity when I'm told I'm empty, or emotionally void or whatever, but I think a sociopath is his experiences, to some extent. My father was a sociopath, and that's one of the factors to my own diagnosis. Of course, this leads me to believe I am impressionable. I am impressionable in a bad way, I guess. I am very likely to react to situations that most people wouldn't even notice, and I am likely to react to them in a vicious or vindictive way if I feel they are somehow aimed at me. I do of course understand that sometimes I can be awfully irrational.
    But one thing I speculate, is again the eternal paradox between a sociopath and an empath. The more empathetic someone is, the more suggestible they are likely to be. Is that another distorted similarity or a blinding difference, do we think?

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  9. Anonymous - Completely agree with the "Take the money and run" statement. I have a terrible habit of dropping people from great heights. I don't think I build them up there personally, but I just don't like people to get too close. I'd rather get rid of them than they get rid of me.

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  10. This is beautiful.
    If water has memory...

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  11. Father Dearest said,..."I am very likely to react to situations most people wouldn't even notice, and i am likely to react to them in a vicious or vindictive way if i feel they are somehow aimed at me".

    I can completely relate to that.

    The only circumstance in which id feel motivated to deliberately persecute someone, would be if i was provoked. I'd be prepared to patiently wait an entire lifetime to get my own back, (if i felt strongly enough), then justify that with "well, they had it coming". I would thoroughly believe that too. Not nice i know. Its stupid to hold grudges. Im terrible for that. Im hoping i will mellow out as i get older.
    However i would never go out of my way to target someone just for the fun of it. I think thats just mean.
    I can' see the point in that. I've got better things to concentrate on and quite happily plod along minding my own business :)

    Tink.

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  12. Hey FD
    I am curious to know whether you are out of 'that place', how that worked out and whether the lady ever visited you?
    Ciao

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  13. Hey Disney,
    Long time no talk. I got out of that place a while ago now, thank fuck. Things slowly evolved with the woman; I took her out for lunch a few weeks ago and everything seemed to fall beautifully into place.
    It's better this time around, because I have no desire whatsoever to completely drop her from a very high height anymore. I'm so glad she stuck around. She's pretty magnificent, in the strictest sense.

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  14. Hey, i got given conduct disorder from a psyc unit and they said i also had emerging traits of aspd, which as u should know is sociopathic pd and then also borderline personality disorder. so i am a contradiction in myself and dnt understand how i can be emotional unstable and an emotionless demon, just wana here ur views thanks
    The Friendly Foe

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  15. FD
    Really, good for you, although I must say it's not what I had expected. So she's dumped the other dude she was all serious with?

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  16. i am made up of pieces of others who are made up of pieces of others who are made up of pieces of some of you. trippy.

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  17. Disney - No, I wasn't really expecting it either. I don't know what changed her mind; I think she romanticised my hospital stay somewhat, and she told me over dinner that she just misses me. I'm quite sure her and her boyfriend were going through some pretty serious problems before this. I don't know where this with her and I is going but it sure feels a lot better than the last time.
    I was lucky. I know that. For once, this had nothing to do with my amazing powers of persuasion. I think that's what makes it so exciting to me.

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  18. "Hey, i got given conduct disorder from a psyc unit and they said i also had emerging traits of aspd, which as u should know is sociopathic pd and then also borderline personality disorder. so i am a contradiction in myself and dnt understand how i can be emotional unstable and an emotionless demon, just wana here ur views thanks "

    They actually TOLD you this? It sounds like they've got it wrong. They can't just hand out PD diagnoses all over the place. Stop worrying so much.

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  19. It sounds like they've got it wrong.

    They actually get it wrong quite a bit.

    They can't just hand out PD diagnoses all over the place.

    But they do. I got a collection of diagnoses from various places, none of them the same. Which caused me to take them with a grain of salt.

    Perhaps because sociopathic people mirror emotions, it makes it harder to correctly label them.

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  20. That might be anonther, less relevant reason that white coats don't treat sociopathic people.

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  21. Anonymous said:

    It feels good to hurt people (socios) who you hurt you (empath).

    (ie, to get rid of them when they least expect it, after they teach you so much but right before they really rob your soul blind. 'Take your money an run', so to speak, before they get a real return on their investment.)


    I love this description. The first sentence is succinct and to the point. A sociopath, perhaps, is actually quite human and nowhere near to being emotionally infallible. Probably much less so than most normals and empaths.

    Hence the construction of these impenetrable walls.

    I suppose the exception would be the purely "genetic" socio, if that even really exists.

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  22. Sobriquet - I live in Britain; perhaps this alters things? I know that in Britain we are very cautious about diagnosing potentially "dangerous" people, or even depressed people; due to moral dilemma. I know it's more free and easy over there - I envy it somewhat.

    I was diagnosed with conduct disorder and made to take olanzipine and fluoxetine when I was 12 after my first suicide attempt (i ducked my medication; even at that age i felt it slowed me down and blunted my edge). I didn't know why - I just thought "let's just move on". I couldn't work out why everyone around me was so upset and concerned. The way I saw it, my attempt failed. I'd try again when it suited. I was angry.
    Now, as an adult, it's all relative. "You had a conduct disorder, you do x y and z, you think a b and c... and you committed this act of... you are a psychopath... and we RARELY give this diagnosis..."
    Fuck them.
    Labels mean naught to me.
    My life is a constant stream of happiness (since I got out of the place). I fucking love it.

    I know it's off topic but I do love it. I'm having one of those moments. I fucking HEART being like this ;)

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  23. FD

    maybe youre biploar cause you sounded the opposite a while back when you didnt have what you wanted;-)

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  24. Hey Medusa - (and/or anyone else):

    I think the notion of a "purely genetic socio" is a crock. What about you?

    Although the idea of ascribed superiority complexes is nothing new; white men of power - like some of those here who blatantly neglect how *utterly* privileged they are to begin with - have been making that claim for centuries. It is the same chess board, just different pawns (and by that I mean all empaths/socios who buy into that crock).

    Again, what daddy/mommy did to little socio - and what they do to others to try to win the love that daddy/mommy could never give - how they got raped and now rape others is equally if not more important that genetic determinants of sociopathy.

    again, victim <--> victimizer pathology i guess.

    (i include myself somewhere strangely in that too, but never mind that. if it is all in the blood i am screwed; that is my bias against the genetic b.s.)

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  25. FD said, "My life is a constant stream of happiness (since I got out of the place). I fucking love it."

    Awesome! Why not? Life's too short. Have you seen your son since you got out?

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  26. DB - Thankyou. My life has been like this many times before, when I have the balance just right.
    I saw my son twice since I got out, which isn't enough really. Plus, it has to be supervised access in case I go all psycho and accidentally set fire to someone's face, or whatever it is they think I'm going to do.

    Disney - Stop diagnosing me. I was pissed off the last I was on here, because I was incarcerated and I wanted something I didn't have. Now I am happy because I have what I wanted, I'm not fucking it up and I have my glorious freedom back, which has been so fun so far this year.

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Guys what you think of that Rage dude? I am so tired of his narcissism. The real definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder!!!

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  29. Hoera, het is mijn verjaardag!

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  30. Thank you for the kind words from all, but I know some very harsh things will be said and honestly I have been trying to cut down on my hostility of late. That is what took me to the therapist/doctor a few months ago; anger, as well as my in ability to constructively control the anger. I had done a lot of research into what maybe “wrong” with me prior to seeing the doctor and was very aware I showed signs that could be interpreted as APD or possibly ASD. Turns out I was pushing a self diagnosis of the former when the latter was blatantly obvious to everyone else.

    My mother had concerns when I was younger of ADHD and I had brought this up with the therapist. He then asked if it would be OK to speak with my mother and at first I was hesitant. For more than a month I bulked on this. Then after giving him permission and my mother agreeing, some things came to light that make a lot of sense now.

    I said preliminary diagnosis involving Asperger’s. A mention of comorbidity has been made but the basis of AS is certain. I am struggling with why it wasn’t brought to a physician’s attention by my parents at a much younger age, but I know why and now my mother has to deal with this more than I.

    I suppose I could still “hang-out” here with you fellas, but I don’t think I am secure enough with all this just yet to continue with my charade of who I thought I was just a few days or weeks ago. Meaning I will have to be “Ding” for sometime before I could let you know that I am really “x”. Call it quirky or strange or cowardice if you must, but we all come here under our own terms and these would be mine.

    I might stay if it truly could help someone. The hostility is where I have to disengage. That is what is not healthy.

    Again, Thank You All for the kindness and maybe this could work.

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  31. Ding
    I wanted to say something from my own experience. If you have an "infirmity", "weak spot" etc and we all do, SW can help you deal with it. I was much too weak when I came here. I am stronger, not as strong as I want to be, of course. I used to fight with idiots( who shall go nameless ~). Now, I ignore. Why fight with a brick wall? This has been one of my most valuable lessons. I learned to stand up more, rather than be passive aggressive, although I am still a work in progress on this, and many other things. A group setting can help you work on things. An online group is not as scary as a real life group, either.
    I think you should stay, Ding <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Monica. And I am familiar with your plight. Many have "dog piled" you, the same has been done to me as well as many others, and at this juncture I am weary of such attacks. I take things personal and I have a very weak ability to interpret what people are trying to tell me in person at times, much less if people are trying to convey some sort of sarcasm or silly insincerity through written word. I feel this might bring the trolls a running for such a smorgasbord. Being bullied isn’t fun and I tend to fight back at every chance I get.

      Are you sure you want me to stay for my own best interest, or is this a “sociopath’s” ploy to keep another “soccer ball” around? A rhetorical question, one I must come to my own answer.

      I like this person, Monica, whoever you may be.

      Delete
    2. I am not a sociopath, dear one. I am( was) a beaten down person. In my real life, I froze. I could not move, one way or another. I was like the rat who got shocked too many times when he tried to leave the cage, so he stayed i.e learned helplessness.

      The thing about SW is that it is real. In that way, it is safer than other places, which may seem strange, and it is, I suppose. To me, lies are my biggest enemy. I had to swallow so many lies, not to die. That is how I survived, by feasting on a smogasboard of lies. SW will tell it like it is. Even the idiots are a lesson because one must learn to discern the gold from the dross. When someone supports you, here, you know it is real, because they won't just pat you on the back for nothing. It has to be earned. Regular life is a tapestry of BS. If you don't know that, you are screwed. Don't subject yourself to the wolves out there, before learning the lessons in here ~

      Delete
    3. I have been here a while, Monica, and I know your words are in essence intended to be theraputic. Having been here for some time I know the workings, who hammers and who consoles; the hammers are what I fear. Actually I fear my swinging back. Sceli, mentioned my "knowing" I now could go "sociopathic/psychopathic" at anytime and this is true; but I could have done that prior to hearing a doctor say "AS". That is a fear. I don't want to hurt people. I belive in that "Golden Rule", I do.

      Why come to a place that might drive me to a place of anger and aggression?

      Delete
    4. The reason to come to a place like this is because IF this tendency is inside you, anyway, you can't make it go away by running. It will be much more dangerous, if it comes out in your real life, than here. You cannot bury emotions. You can drug them, but that is a whole new problem. Things cannot be ignored, buried or medicated, forever. If you do that, when you blow, and you will, in some way, even if it is implode, the fall -out will be a lot worse than having someone dog you on here.

      Delete
    5. Agreed. I will not medicate as I don't see anything wrong with who I am. My anger is something I have to learn to control, again you are correct. However, triggers are triggers. If something gets me to a point of aggression here it isn't as if I type harder to release my frustration. I have noticed it build inside with my tendency to try and keep it inside. Then a "real life" problem occurs and good lord, I am a mess. I have been violent to the point of trouble in the past and I don't need nor want that. Eliminating a stressor would seem to make sense and was at the suggestion of the doctor.

      I want to believe SW could continue to help, Monica, but the overall take of Aspies on this site is not good. Would you agree? Do you honestly see more help rather than assualt in store for me should I stay?

      Delete
    6. Well, you have to look at my whole background to understand my reasoning. I am trained in natural health with an emphasis on eastern medicine. I look at the human body and psyche in a non Western way. So, what I say comes from that perspective. I worked for one of the top doctors in Energy medicine in the country.

      So, when I talk about anger not being squished down, I don't think it can be. We must learn coping strategies, as these issues will dog us, all the time, if we don't. Once you learn a coping strategy, you can walk away from the problem and be TRULY free. I walk away from UKan and I laugh. I roar behind my computer screen when he talks about his stupidities. I learned to walk away from him and from other jerks, in my real life. I learned that through a lot of pain on here. I looked really stupid and acted really stupid, too. I have apologized to M.E because I was obnoxious, but it was from pain. So, for you, I think you need to deal with who you are or it will come to bite you. It is just a matter of time.

      Delete
    7. Monica, did you avoid my questions on purpose, accidentally, or did I miss something in your response? Aspies have a very bad reputation here and I see more abuse than help coming my way. UKan will surely lead the rabble, but UKan will not be alone. Why stay somewhere I will most undoubtedly be brutalized more than assisted?

      Delete
    8. No, I was trying to answer you, in a more indirect way, from my own experience. I will be direct. If you are an Aspie, you are going to have trouble, wherever you go, because you cannot feel things out. You have to someone learn to feel things out, so you can learn lessons. To me, if you medicate, you will be blocking this mechanism. If you leave SW and go to any other community, even a small group of people, you will have the same problems you have here, even though they are more hidden in more "normal" communities. So, to me, you must come out of dissociation, which is what a PD is, in my way of thinking. OTOH, I cannot judge your particular situation, what brought you to the diagnosis of Aspergers( sp). I do not know the trauma you went through, in your life. So, I can't tell you what to do, more than just give my opinion and personal experience <3

      Delete
    9. Aspies are cool. I think only Zwank has been picked on and it wasn't particularly because she was an aspie.

      Delete
  32. Walking on The Tightrope

    Walking on The tightrope, floor is far below,

    Walking with a tender step, toe in front of toe,

    Walking on the tightrope,

    Balance, lest you sway

    Walking on the tightrope, harder day by day

    Walking on the tightrope, dreams have reached a crawl.

    You are at the very end and you can't walk at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. walking on the ceiling, floor is far below
      walking with a heavy step, not daring to let go
      walking in a handstand
      balance, lest you fall
      walking on the ceiling, harder day by day
      far away the dreams call, making you sway

      so many curling leaves, heavy with wind
      a maddening whispering, too much feeling

      or is that the sound of hissing?
      the sound of reason, coiled around your heart
      and feeding
      or just the sound of too many pieces still beating?
      above and below
      do you embrace it all or kick away?

      you are at the vey end and leaning on the wall
      you are at the very end, getting ready for the fall

      Delete
  33. :) Good Morning Sociopathworld!!!!!

    Happy friday to all!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Narcissism 1.8, suggesting only 27.2% of the test-takers were less narcissistic
      Machi 1.7, 6.9% of people here
      Psycho 0.7, and 8.1% of people here

      How sure in answers? 80%

      Delete
    2. posted out of sync, lol... take this one step down and read Rich first

      Delete
    3. WOW!!!! Interesting Sceli!!!! Look at our scores!!!!!

      WE ARE NEARLY THE SAME PERSON!!!!!!

      Although I put that I was 90% sure :)

      Delete
  34. I just took a "Dark Triad" test. The dark traid is Psychopathy, Machavellianism, and Narcissism.

    Here were my scores:

    Narcissism 1.7

    Machiavellianism 1.7

    Psychopathy 0.7

    The test link is here just copy and paste, it wont take lnger than 5 mins and is all easy to answer..... Iam curious of what some of your scores may be.

    http://personality-testing.info/tests/DT.php


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    Replies
    1. Narcissism 2 (31.9 Percentile)

      Machiavellianism 3.6 (92.6 Percentile)

      Psychopathy 3.3 (87 Percentile)

      Ok, so those are my scores. What do they really mean though?

      Delete
    2. To me, this would be that you will go about getting your needs me( ends met) and will use psychopathic methods, if needed, but not as a first response. You don't need a lot of approval or admiration for what you do, or who you are.

      Delete
    3. Anon- On the site it said they jusge you from a 0 to 4 point perspective, 0 being the lowest (the people who have none of the traits) and 4 being the highest (people who have most or all of the traits). It only goes according to the people who have already taken that test.

      You score very high aon Machiavellianism and Psychopathy. Do you consider yourself a Sociopath/Psychopath (basically machivellianism fits/blends right in with psychopathy so usually when one has psychopathy/sociopathy they are usually also high in Machiavellianism).

      Delete
    4. Narcissism 2.4 ( 51.9 )
      Machiavellianism 3.2 (81.1)
      Psychopathy 3.7 (94.8)

      I didn't think mine would be so high on the M and P scores.

      Delete
    5. Interesting Elicit!!!!! Are u diagnosed or self diagnosed with apd' sociopathy, or psychopathy? Those scores r very high if u aren't.........

      Delete
    6. Diagnosed antisocial. I don't think I'm a sociopath though I'm still unsure exactly what one is since it isn't a psychiatric diagnosis anyway.

      Delete
    7. Oh OK, good to know....... Thank you for being so honest and upfront, I had no idea you were diagnosed, you seem a lot more kind and nice than most people here who have 'the diagnosis' but I think that's because you are more real and don't try to be something you aren't to prove you're psychiatric 'status'.

      :-)

      Delete
  35. Hi, everybody. Just finished up redaing the rest of yesterday's. Reminded me some of the old times where there was indeed some meat in the interactions.

    Was glad to hear Monica lighten up, at least when it comes to me.

    Was surprised to hear that I appear 'a bit cold.' Well, not surprised actually, people perceive my questions as opinions, when I ask mostly for clarification. If there is a question mark at the end of any of my sentences that means I have not yet formed an opinion. I don't do sarcasm. Funny that I just needed to say this basic writing/lawyer principle.

    Haven, you were excellent. I love your comfortable way of answering my questions without getting emotional about them, thank you very much. I completely agree with your yes and no on BPD moving between sociopathic and histrionic. I completely agree that the drivers to behavior may be different at times but the verdict is on the behavior and accordingly on how it is perceived from the outside.

    It is like if she lies and attacks me with her lie it feels sadistic from my end. For her to come around a few days later and say that all those were lies she actually loves me does not really fix the problem for me. And, add a few premeditated lies and attacks across a span of ten years I am comfortable in diagnosing for all practical purposes this BPD is acting quite sociopathic for better part of the time, tough shit to deal with and I withdraw.

    Now, the question is (to you Haven), after a sufficiently long cooling period may I be able to interact with her for short length of time at each interaction and prevent her from moving into either sociopathic or the histrionic effect? I personally am not sure. It feels like a ticking time bomb. It hurts like hell that there is love lost in the picture for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Yeah Sceli, yesterday was pretty fun to post/read, I dont like arguing but still it makes it interesting.

      Delete
    2. Also Sceli, I dont really see you as being cold myself (personally, although I never said you were) I see you more as just being very blunt, direct, and to the point :)

      Delete
    3. It depends I suppose. Mostly it depends on her level of self-awareness and if she is working on herself. If she is unaware of why and how she is responding out of proportion to the things that are happening there's not a lot you can do, except to clarify when she lashes out... clarify that you're there, just trying to understand, not rejecting or abandoning, etc.

      If you know what triggers her, sets her off in one direction or another, and are able to avoid pushing those particular buttons you may have a chance as well.

      Giving her time to cool down and being mindful to avoid topics that trigger her will probably be your best bet. Losing love is always painful, but there comes a point where you have to recognize when love is destructive and allow yourself to accept something better.

      Delete
  36. Replies
    1. monica, there are a few transparencies that you're not seeing in yourself.

      First, it is obvious that you want revenge on UKan. You go on for days with your degradation using sock puppets and etc.

      Secondly, it is apparent that you don't want others to believe you are a sociopath.

      Delete
    2. Why would Monica be a psychopath? Explain yourself.

      Delete
    3. If you would have asked nicely I would have explained further.

      Delete
    4. That was my nice being, my love. My apologies you took it the wrong way.

      Delete
    5. I understand. I'm sorry for you......

      Delete
    6. I guess I hit a nerve.

      Delete
    7. Anonymous 9:29/9:35January 18, 2013 at 9:41 AM

      ^ That wasn't me, anon.

      And fine.....

      Delete
    8. LOL Yes, the 9:20 and the 9:41 are the same Anon.

      Delete
    9. And the Anon 9:20 is going out in the sunshine. The puppet anons are below.

      Delete
    10. I'll miss you anon 9:20

      I don't need to go out in the sunshine, you are my sunshine.

      Delete
    11. Interesting Monica, you and I score exactly the same on the Machiavellianism chart :)

      Delete
    12. Wow Monica, Vegitopath really likes you :)

      Delete
    13. I think Vegitopath is either Medusa or UKan. I would go with UKan, if I had to guess.

      You and I can go into business, together, with our Machevellian scores.

      Delete
    14. LOL Sounds like fun to me Monica!!! I need to make some $$$$

      Did you look at Sceli's scores and look at mine? WE ARE NEARLY THE SAME!!!!!

      I have always liked Sceli and thought she was cool though, maybe that is why :)

      Delete
  37. I hate bullies. So, I can't stand UKan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UKan defends himself when you get in his face

      Delete
    2. No. UKan attacks people for nothing. Get your facts straight.

      Delete
    3. So does monica so get your fucking facts straight

      Delete
    4. LOL I don't attack people unprovoked

      Delete
    5. If you have been telling lies your whole life, it is an awkward exercise telling the truth

      Delete
  38. Ok, I think I get it now.

    Why do you go out of your way trying to prove that you are not a psychopath Monica?

    ReplyDelete
  39. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:41 PM

    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE
















































    ReplyDelete
  40. TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE

















































    I WULD MAREE HER IN A HARTBEET TEEHEE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TEEHEE!!!! Vegitopath strikes 2 days in a row!!!!!!

      Delete
  41. TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE
















































    ReplyDelete
  42. TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE

    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE


















































    TEEHEE





























































































    MONEECA IS BIUTIFUL TEEHEE









































































    TEEHEE
















































    ReplyDelete
  43. TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE




























































































































































































































    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE

    ReplyDelete
  44. TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE




    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE


















    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE
































    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE













































































    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE









































































































    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE
























































































































































































    TEEHEE UKAN SAYS I CAN MAREE YUU TWO, THEN MEE BEE POLEEGAMOUS, THEAR EES ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MOER TEEHEE

    ReplyDelete
  45. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    TEEHEE





























































































































































































































































































































































































































































    MONEECA IS BIUTUFUL

    ReplyDelete
  46. MONEECA































































































































































































































    MONEECA, YUU ARE NOT PSYCHOPATHEEC. YUU ARE BIUTIFUL TEEHEE












































































































































































































































































































































    WILL YUU BEE MAH SECOND WIFE?

    TEEHEE

    ReplyDelete
  47. VEGITOPATH <3 MONEECA

    ReplyDelete
  48. VEGITOPATH <3 MONEECA

    ReplyDelete
  49. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:49 PM

    MONEECA <3 VEGITOPATH

    ReplyDelete
  50. MAREE MEE TEEHEEEE












































































































































































































































































































































































































    YUU ARE BIUTIFUL

    ReplyDelete
  51. VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:51 PM

    UKAN APPWOOVS OF US, TEEHEE, HEE DOESN'T MIND YUU BEING MAH SECOND WIFE TEEHEEE












































































































































































    UKAN APWOOVS OF US, HE DOESN'T MIND YUU BEEING MAH SECOND WIFE TEEHEE

    MONICA LOVES VEGITOPATH

    ReplyDelete
  52. VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    MONICA LOVES VEGITOPATH

    ReplyDelete
  53. MONICA LOVES VEGITOPATHJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICA

    ReplyDelete
  54. VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:54 PM

    VEGITOPATH. TEEHEE. LOVES. MONEECA. TEEHEE






















































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































    LOVE AT FURST SITE. TEEHEE.

    MONICA LOVES VEGITOPATH

    ReplyDelete
  55. VEGITOPATH LOVES MONICAJanuary 18, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    TEEHEE





















































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































    TEEHEE

    ReplyDelete
  56. Good post, M.E. Yes, the things you do will change you, they will shape you and leave marks even others can see. You can even get yourself a little dirty, if you dirty your hands enough. It does make one think.

    And I never like to let pieces of myself go, either. They are mine, so I do my best to take care of them and never, never let go. Is that love, do you think?

    Have a good weekend. And enjoy your cheeseburgers ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if they're sick of you and try to run away? What happens then?

      Delete
    2. That's a fair question, but it rarely comes up. I'm cautious about the people I invest in for the first couple years. I make sure they're really mine and until then they're disposable.

      When people have run away, it's made me ill. It's happened only as a result of outside influence, but I regard it as a personal failure, a failure to account for everything that's at play. As such, I try to get them back and try to not be vengeful, which is not in my interests. So I wait.

      Delete
    3. Alright, thanks.

      Delete
  57. Hate bubbles up in me like oil bubbling from a hole in the ground, a steady stream. It populates like maggots. Maggots are filthy worms that end up in the intestines of dead animals. They populate like a bizarre cartoon character whose animator got so out of control that he couldn't stop until he reached a frenzy. Then, they may have taken him away, or he took a Prozac to make his fucking head stop.

    The hatred is killing me. It rips my body of the ground like a giant tornado. It whips me around like the house in the Wizard of Oz, which was taken up, as if it were a doll house. It was deposited wherever the fuck the tornado wanted. Why? Because it COULD.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This hate will tear my stomach to shreds with it's forever churning, like I am on a horse driven carriage on a bumpy road. The road is so fucking bumpy that it should have been closed. It is pure misery to go bumping like that. I should take a knife and cut this hatred out, but it is everywhere. IT TOOK OVER THE HOST. If I could cut the fucker out, I would throw it into the garbage with orange peels, chicken gizzards and old liver, which has been sitting there for days.

      Delete
    2. Love the imagery, as always, Sofa.

      Delete
    3. I was just coming back to dedicate it to you, Ellicit. You have been a wonderful friend :)

      Delete
  58. Why don't I let it go? It is woven into me. How can you pull out the middle fucking threads of a tapestry? I will be like the homeless person who walks down the street talking to imaginary friends. You move aside. I don't want that to happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very expressive, Sofa. Good writing.

      Delete
  59. Zoe <3

    Thank you, Anon!!

    ReplyDelete
  60. There is a small glint of light, fueled by love( as is, always,the case) It is like the first crocus in spring. There is, always, joy when you are a child, as if the crocus bloomed, just for you or the chocolate covered graham was waiting for YOUR mouth, so you could melt the chocolate off, just right.


    If you are too sweet, the wolves devour you. If you are too sour, you make a prison, which you carry like a snail: it's home affixed to it's back. Maybe, that is the life riddle. How to maintain the small child with just enough prickles to ward off predators.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely wonderful writing, Sofa.
      Strong, beautiful imagery to convey some deep truths. Well done.

      Delete
  61. I cherish those words, Anon. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Some game was played on you, where you were turned around so many times, a la pin the tail on the donkey, that you didn't know which end was up. You had a huge switch-er -roo. You were being spinned to disorient you, but you are still spinning, waiting for someone to tell you where the fucking donkey's ass is, so you can pin the tail on it.

    It blows, but the fact is, you still can't figure out which way is straight and which is backwards. You need to go back to the game, let yourself be spinned around. then scream, "NO MORE". I will find the fucking donkey tail with my own mind and my own hand" Then, stick the assholes with the pin, if they complain. You have to think that way. Thinking is believing.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Thank you "Under the Couch" ^^

    ReplyDelete

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