Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Sociopath quote: self-knowledge

The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.

-- Oscar Wilde


  1. Maybe it's just me but I am getting tired of Sociopaths. I guess I have been fascinated as a way of understanding better how and why my ex fiancée treated me as she did. She never talked or admitted being one but clearly she is and clearly she knows it.

    I've gone from endlessly researching, reading and studying all I can about sociopaths and have come to terms with her and what she was just simply not able to provide for me. No remorse, zero guilt and incredibly self centered in an odd way. It's sad that she can't experience so much regardless of these so called things sociopaths can do that others can't.

    Reading about Empath's revering their sociopath's ex's and current bf's and gf's almost makes me laugh out loud. How they seem to be in awe of the sociopath. It cracks me up as I can understand it but it seems so weak now that I am on the path of healing.

    I know she can't experience what I can experience. I know the Sociopath's I have experienced (2), I have utterly destroyed. I took more hits. I felt more pain. But they are gone. Banished forever with no regrets.

    I read the story of the Sociopath acting like a sheep, eating what sheep eat and all that. Well, I have worn the Wolf costume, put on wolf teeth, eaten with and had wild Wolf sex and then I have killed the Wolf. When I was given the polygraph test I said, "Yes, I killed the Wolf. It was self defense. The jury agreed and let me go free. And I have no regrets and I relish in my own power.

    For the power of an Empath combined with the ability to dress and act as the Wolf and outsmart and outgun the Sociopath is so far more powerful, it's not even a contest.

    But...I do have to watch my back and remember what I am dealing with.

    I know her power and it's something to respect and be very careful around. But I grow stronger every day. She will continue to destroy herself and any man who gets to close and she will be in hell, misery and bewildered why so many people hate her and want to hurt her.

    I will live to love another day. But this time will find true love, not this fake, vapid, kiss ass, back stabbing, passive aggressive insane woman who believes her own bullshit and yes, can pass any poly graph test in the world with her icy version of what she did and did not do to me.

    Any joy I feel with this knowledge can't stick unfortunately. As I will always come back to a place of love, regardless of my need to hurt her 10X more than she hurt me.

    I have no remorse, no guilt and little sympathy for doing things that were incredibly hurtful to her. I simply contacted her family, friends and ex husband and told them all that I saw. I burned her bridge. She dropped an Atom bomb on me by going to another man and making sure I knew, I destroyed her planet.

    I rejoice in my power but can't rejoice in hurting her.

    Sorry if I hurt any Sociopath's feelings.

    1. Cool story, bro.

    2. I agree with Peter Pan below.

      I even honestly kinda doubt you encountered a sociopath and rather think that you are just a stupid idiot who got too involved in a superficial lady and she played you. If she doesn't love you it doesn't mean she's a sociopath.

      I honestly think you're delusional.

  2. Eh, you actually made yourself sound a bit pathetic. Half of your post was about this ex of yours. I doubt she gives you half as much thought. Relish away. It's clear you're still quite damaged emotionally.

  3. Of #1's many paradoxes, here the most interesting one to me: you allude to having a conscience, except when it comes to your ex.

    Even if that's not entirely true, the idea of "lying to a liar" or more generally causing pain with no remorse upon someone who would do the same to you - and not feeling bad about it when you might otherwise - is interesting. Perhaps that says something, even just a little something, about how the nuts and bolts of sociopathy are reproduced.

    I dunno about the Wilde quote. Doesn't it suggest, at first glance, that we should strive towards some static definition of self? Furthermore, isn't it myopic to believe that one person's purpose in life is to simply *know* who they are? What about the rest of time and space, beyond the individual ego? Is our purpose just to focus on refining our expertise of our single fly mind?

    Sounds like white culture at its finest.

    simply to know who

  4. I don't suggest or recommend doing what I did to my Sociopath ex. It would take too much space and time to get into all details of the relationship and all the work I had done prior to 'destroying' her.

    The pain she caused me was something I had never experienced, with no second place..She did it twice and the ice cold sickness of it blew me away. I did not realize or better said, I did not put the puzzle together and know she was a Sociopath. If I had realized what exactly a Sociopath is, I think I could have cut her off sooner and differently. I was pleading for her to see something she just cannot see. It's hard to believe she could not see it.

    Now that I am schooled in seeing how some people can experience things in ways that are just so foreign to me, I will be less likely to be with a Sociopath and if I am, I won't have to put on my wolf costume to kill her.

    I wish there had been another way and yes I agree I clearly do sound pathetic. And was pathetic and still am pathetic. Am I damaged emotionally. Clearly for the time being I am. It will take more time to heal from the insanity of what we had together or didn't really have. I'll never really know.

    I agree she doesn't think nearly as much as me which brings us back to the quote from Oscar Wilde and the astute comment from the poster above.

    Is the goal of one's life to be so 'myopic" (good description Anon.), I don't think so. My goal is to of course know myself better but to transcend self and to give to the world all that I can.

    Is my Sociopath ex better off or in any way superior because she thinks far less about me?

    Sure, if she learned lessons from our failure and doesn't self destruct again. But I'll bet dollars to donuts she is 1000 times more likely to continue doing the exact same things she did to me, her family, her ex and herself without a clue of what is really going on.

    Time to read up on WIlde..and I agree it does sound like a very static view of self. WHat else is new?

  5. "Even if that's not entirely true, the idea of "lying to a liar" or more generally causing pain with no remorse upon someone who would do the same to you - and not feeling bad about it when you might otherwise - is interesting. Perhaps that says something, even just a little something, about how the nuts and bolts of sociopathy are reproduced."

    Sorry to be dominating this thread with my story..

    But to perhaps clarify, I know it would have been far better as a 'sheep' to simply have recognized the Wolf dressed as a sheep and strolled away before she could hurt me.

    But I was a newbie Sheep and tried all the things I could to plead for my life and none of them worked, so I snuck away, became the Wolf and killed her to save my own pathetic sheep butt.

    Next time, I avoid the Wolf easily.

    Conscience for killing in self defense is not really appropriate but if I killed in self defense then saw pictures of the nice Wolf as a child, I'd feel terribly sad I had to kill her.. But better her than me!

    Oscar Wilde 1854-1900...

    The world has changed a tad since his time..Having Revisionist thinking and interpreting him through today's lenses are far less revealing.

  6. I think you're all misinterpreting this quote. It's not about knowing yourself so much as it is about being and embracing yourself so that you can a) be the happiest you can be and b) achieve the most you can achieve. Knowing yourself is incidental and optional. There are plenty who have never reflected on themselves who behave exactly as their true nature directs them.

    In the case of people who are naturally progressive, this will mean doing the most good in the world. If that's your goal, then you're already following your nature. All that's left is to be who you really are, so you can tap into the strength that so many fail to realize because they waste too much time and energy--struggling to be something they're not--to do anything to the best of their ability.

    Every individual is at his best, and poised to accomplish the most, when they accept every aspect of themselves and develop their natural strengths and joys.

    This really is the aim of all life. Deer don't aim to be more like bears. If they did, they'd be at a huge disadvantage, because all of their natural strengths would be wasted as time is spent on things they'll never be good at. They'd be dead after their first encounter with a predator. The same can be said about an individual person and his or her identity.

    Jeez, people.
    I feel like I'm talking to toddlers.

  7. Now, for good measure... imagine a deer standing up on its hind legs and trying to growl like a bear, when face to face with a cougar. The cougar stands, bewildered, as the deer approaches and attempts to crush the cougar's skull by sideswiping with its front hoof. The cougar blinks, then lunges for the deer's throat. The deer is dead.

    The cougar was realizing his nature. The deer was some kind of degenerate deer-bear-failure who thought he could transcend being a deer.

    A short while later, a truck comes by and hits the cougar. The truck was also realizing its true nature.

    Ponder this, my friends.
    Deep thoughts.

  8. Here's one for all you racist assholes, who I certainly don't agree with.

    An african american walks into a grocery store to get food for his family. He tries to pay with cash. Now the motherfucker is broke, because his only income is from stealing hubcaps and shit, which is far from steady work. Then he tries to get a job, but his brain doesn't work that way. He breaks down and murders some of his coworkers, who eventually sedate him and take him to the humane society to be put down. His family starves.

    It would have been much better for the man mentioned above to steal his food from the grocery store. Even though all eyes would be on him, his prowess would be so great that his family would have been able to eat like royalty. Not only would his family be safe, but he would be happy, too, because he could just sit around the house and complain about racism all day, only leaving to steal shit from white people and/or to get drugs.

    Now you needn't bother. Grow up, would you?

  9. Oh, I'm pretty new here...Didn't realize Peter Pan was a Troll...a sociopath wannabe


  10. Oh no, my friend, the message is real. If you're trying to transcend the self, you'll always be a lonely, miserable loser. Quite simple, really.

    The rest is just humor.

    And dear Anon, I'm probably one of the few offensive and aggressive persons here who doesn't claim to be a sociopath. I'm not quite deluded enough to fancy myself as one of those monsters.

    (READ: Just because you're a dumbass, and I recognize you as a dumbass, doesn't make me a troll or a sociopath. It makes you a dumbass.)

    1. It's a pleasant change from what most of these primates have been spewing on this board recently.

  11. wheres dafty? he might give peter a run for the money. maybe even win this time.

    (anyone notice that there are a shitload of comments by daft that got up and deleted? wonder why?)

  12. How did this converstation come from such a quote? It baffles me.

  13. I don't think my energy or Peter's needs to be wasted trying to "race" for anyone other then ourselves, so have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up anon.

    (As for those comments...I deleted them.)


  15. to the person that posted that link, what level of moronic thought processing makes you think that image is even remotely relevant to the post’s subject matter or any post for that matter?

    and peter were you calling me a dumbass or dafty a dumbass for assuming?

  16. also peter, are you the same peter pan who commented about sherlock holmes being gay?

  17. There are plenty who have never reflected on themselves who behave exactly as their true nature directs them.

    Newbie toddler here tossing my two pennies.. Peter, if they have never reflected on themselves how would they know they are behaving as their true nature directs them rather than engaging in behaviors counter to their true nature?

    And what do you mean by true nature? Do you mean intuition or instinct? Or following blindly the willy-nilly mental secretions we refer to as emotions?

    Where does logic fit in?

    I also think it’s about being rather than knowing. Self-development and realizing one’s nature to me means shedding the layers, inner as well as outer, and accepting that the selves are for the most part an illusion, just a skin you can shed like clothing. A necessity for negotiating one’s way in the physical outer world. At the core I think we’re all the same, just this pure awareness, this pure potential. The selves that get created are the manifestations of that. Realizing one’s nature is experiencing that pure awareness.

    - Zoe

  18. You know what... fine, I'll bite. I think this shit is interesting.

    Your awareness is as much an illusion as anything else, just one more abstraction from physical reality. Information is received through your senses, processed by a series of electrochemical reactions in your brain, and transformed into whichever logical possibility you want to believe is real. This want, this desire, however basic, is driven by your emotions and instincts. So everything you believe you're aware of is essentially a construct of your emotions, and said awareness, indeed your consciousness itself, is as much an "illusion" as anything else; however, beyond a certain point, breaking things down without a specific purpose becomes irrational.

    We live in a world of generalizations that guide us through life. There are no rocks. They're all collections of elementary particles (and on a deeper level, who knows what?) that interact to behave strikingly similar as groups. But we generalize them as rocks (as we indeed generalize elementary particles) because it helps our meagre consciousness to make sense of the world. In truth, it wouldn't matter to either of us if two identical rocks had completely different structures, so long as the way they interact with the world is the same, or similar enough to fool our senses and our "awareness".

    So which is real? The rock or the internal structure which bestows upon it all of its properties? Couldn't we drill down further and further ad nauseum until we've exhausted our capacity for understanding? That's why we generalize, and that's why I say that any generalization which can't be refuted is just as real as any other. Our emotions and urges can't be refuted. Broken down, yes, but not refuted. As such, and due to the fact that they plays such an integral role in all of our perceptions, they're as real to us as the rock is, indeed as real as your "awareness" is. However much you'd like to escape them, you can't, because they've been guiding your "awareness" from day one.

    Realizing your true nature involves embracing your desires (which are as much a product of your awareness as they are its cause) and seeing them through to their conclusion.

  19. wow I see you met peter the philosopher. he's such a crazy asshole. i like my rocks real and tangible. easy to classify and work with. pick it up, throw it, bash people with it. good stuff. fuck this elementary particle bullshit and philosophical voodoo. what I see is real and that's all i need to know.


  20. “Self-development and realizing one’s nature to me means shedding the layers, inner as well as outer, and accepting that the selves are for the most part an illusion, just a skin you can shed like clothing. A necessity for negotiating one’s way in the physical outer world. At the core I think we’re all the same, just this pure awareness, this pure potential. The selves that get created are the manifestations of that. Realizing one’s nature is experiencing that pure awareness.”

    Excellent insight. Zoe is defining, or should I say understanding, awareness differently than Peter is, hence the confusion. In any event, Zoe you are spot on.

    1. ooooh i miss the ego petting :-)

  21. Daniel, it's silly to assume that we're all the same--just pure awareness.

    There's simply no such thing. We cannot be aware of anything without a will to structure our perceptions into something cohesive. Since the will, as well as the awareness, is rooted in genetics and environmental factors, which will always be unique to every individual, it's a logical impossibility for us to all essentially be "the same," particularly if you're referring to this mythical "pure awareness" or "pure potential" as your reason. We are all aware, yes, but the nature of that awareness will always be different between two individuals, and the self that he dismisses as a shell is necessary for the creation of the "awareness" he places on such an immaculate pedestal. Without the will, what are we aware of? We're what, a network of video cameras, microphones, chemical receptors, etc, that simply identify patterns? They have computers that can do that, you know, and they're certainly not "aware." No, awareness is a result of the will and several other factors, and it's never "pure" or the "same" between two individuals. It quite simply cannot exist without being unique, and as such, his argument is dead-end, philosophical rubbish.

    Well, unless, of course, he's spiritual. Then he can believe anything he wants, and if it sounds profound enough, others will believe it, too.

  22. And Zoe, if you do believe I'm not understanding your "awareness" properly, please clarify for me. Preferably using logic and original thought. No canned philosophical responses por favor.

    I think it's probably more likely that you're not understanding my idea of self, the will, or why I feel the self is necessarily unique and thus significant.

  23. Hello Peter. Long time no speak.

    Your comment confirms what I said earlier. Now I could be way off the mark about what Zoe is saying, but I do think I understand where this person was coming from when they talked about “awareness”. You’re not going to like my response and normally I wouldn’t either except that I’ve personally seen this for myself, hence my understanding of it: you really have to see this for yourself. There’s no other way. It’s not something that is easily explainable in rational terms. There are different levels of analysis to consider. On one level of analyses, trying to be as logical as you can when thinking about reality makes the most sense. In fact, on most levels it does. But on another level of analyses, everything (logic especially) must be left behind in order to gain firsthand knowledge of certain subjects. On this level, “awareness” is not something that can be defined, because anything that is definable is itself not “awareness” in the special sense I mean. Also, this pure “awareness” is the exact opposite of personal. Now you’ve read my comments here long enough to know that I never advocate leaving logic or reason behind, but this is the one and only exception where it not only makes sense to do just that, it’s essential. Do some reading on Zen, Advaita Vedanta and Dzogchen to get a feel for what I’m referring to.

    None of what I’ve just said is supernatural or even particularly special. The insight is rare, but it’s immanently ordinary. It just takes a little practice seeing through thoughts, seeing that concepts themselves cannot say everything there is to say about reality. And I’ll be the first to admit that for me anyway, this was a dead end practically speaking. The insight was accurate and mind bending, but not especially useful unless you’re the Dalai Lama or a monk. My reaction after I had my big aha moment was, great, it’s all ONE. Big whoop. I now believe that my aha moment is what Zen monks refer to as kensho. It’s supposed to be utterly transformative and a precursor to enlightenment. Alas, that was not the case for me and that was when I gave up on all forms of spirituality. But to be fair, I didn’t have the years of training that most Zen monks have before they arrive at their kensho moment either. I believe the training and discipline is necessary to make full use of kensho and satori.

  24. If you're talking about allowing your mind to reach out into the abstract and identify truths that you cannot define, because they will fall apart, yet are truths none-the-less from which you can siphon effective wisdom, then I understand what you're talking about. Dropping all preconceptions, letting go of your ego, and allowing your mind to explore the mysteries of life, and of yourself, without interference from the usual box within which we live out our lives.

    If that's what you mean by awareness, then I understand, and yes yes, it's blissful, but it can be very upsetting when you can apply the knowledge effectively yet can't translate why and how you knew what you knew into words that make sense to anyone (including yourself).

    I don't know if you noticed, but my first reply to anon was more or less written about just that. Most notably that we live our lives based on generalizations (i.e. concepts) in an attempt to understand the world around us, which applies equally to physical and conceptual constructs. The difference is the domain in which they reside--the system with which they are most closely linked (though they are all interconnected), but they are essentially the same, part of a vast ocean of cause and effect that extends beyond our ordinary perceptual and conceptual boundaries and bridges the gap between the physical and conceptual. etc etc etc.

    No no, if that's what you're referring to, I understand quite well. The will is still required for any of this "awareness" to mean anything, to have any impact, anything at all, on you, your mind, or your dog, or your goat, your neighbor, anything. To me, that is the true self. The part of you that decides what these things mean to you and shapes your awareness of our chaotic universe into what you experience as a worldview. Changing that worldview, achieving new levels of consciousness, etc, is in my opinion irrelevant. In the end, it's still that essential will which defines who you are, and two people who reach the same state will still be experiencing things quite differently, much as you did.

    Does that sound more like what you think he or she means?

  25. And Zoe, if you do believe I'm not understanding your "awareness" properly, please clarify for me. Preferably using logic and original thought. No canned philosophical responses por favor.

    I’ll try, lol.

    If you are born blind, your world isn’t dark. If you are born deaf, your world isn’t silent. If you’ve never had the ability to feel someone’s touch, you aren’t numb. Darkness, silence, numbness are concepts that we can only form when there is something to measure, some change to observe.

    From these concepts is formed a map that we think of as reality. The map at its simplest identifies what is self and what is other. The more sensory input we have the more complex the map. Before any sensory input is received everything is “self”. But like darkness, self can’t exist unless you can measure it against the “other”. So really there is no self. Just pure awareness waiting for something to happen. But really not even awareness because there is nothing to be aware of. So, just pure potential.

    If this pure potential is unique in each individual, how is it unique? How would you distinguish your pure potential from mine? In this way I think we’re all the same. The pure potential is not unique. The uniqueness happens when there is “self”.

    But for “self” to happen there must some interaction with the world. Since self comes from those interactions it cannot be static. As long as you keep interacting and inputting the data, it keeps adjusting and changing. Self is flexible.

    My true nature then it seems comes from a potluck encounter with the world and may change tomorrow. I can blindly follow it or manage the interactions and choose my own paths.

    I think it's probably more likely that you're not understanding my idea of self, the will, or why I feel the self is necessarily unique and thus significant.

    It’s a possibility. In any case I would like to. I like seeing things from different perspectives. And I appreciate your response.

    I just noticed the new posts and will have to reread after dinner. Great points.

    Daniel, I've had similar experiences. Achieving a different state of consciousness is a thrill, but the mind gets quickly bored. However, without meditation or some degree of mindfulness you run the risk of being a puppet to your thoughts.

    - Zoe (it's she)

  26. To amirite:

    Yes you are, what you see is what you see. But with a simple experiment I could make you believe you were that rock. And if I were to bat it, you would feel it!

    - Zoe

  27. Peter Pan said, “Does that sound more like what you think he or she means?”

    Not exactly, but meh, close enough for government work. I’m talking more about that which comes prior to all truths so that some call it absolute. But your comments about the will and Zoe’s latter comment that she addressed to me ties in with what I said about training and discipline being necessary for these aha moments to be really transformative. What I think of as the egoic mind easily strays back into its old thought habits if it isn’t trained and/or seen through in a burst of “enlightenment”. (Again, thinking of those old Zen koans which were supposed to exhaust the egoic mind, leaving a space for satori to occur.) Those people who make “enlightenment” their goal bend their will and the entirety of their lives to making that happen. So if and when it does happen, their body/minds are prepared to make the most of it. Otherwise, as interesting and yes, as blissful as the initial insight can be, in the end it is transitory, as I can easily testify to. To my way of thinking Peter, that’s where your concept of will comes into play.

    Zoe, although you are using language in your response to Peter that I wouldn’t, I think your description is a bit closer to what I was referring to. When it comes to subjects like this, my thinking has been greatly influenced by Eastern esoteric traditions. Also, your comment touches on the reason why I used to say that there is no self, at least not in the way most people perceive it.

    Anyway, good stuff guys. I didn’t think I’d ever have a reason to mention a term like Dzogchen on this comment board, but thanks to you two, I have. ;-)

    Sorry for the interruption. Carry on.

  28. Zoe,
    I fail to see where you're saying anything that differs from what I've already said, aside from the assertion that we, and indeed the universe itself, are nothing, simply because we're so interconnected. Adding unfathomable depth to a thing doesn't negate its existence any more than covering your eyes makes the world vanish. I think, therefore I am. It's a quote that's often misunderstood, but the simple truth is that we clearly exist, because we are here to ponder that existence. Our place as a small part of a larger system makes no difference, nor do the methods by which our boundaries are defined. Your choice to believe that the self is false is exactly that: a choice, like any other, and it's certainly yours to make.

    Personally, I think you're suffering from a malady of thought, whereby you're unable to think of a single situation in multiple ways. Instead of recognizing the mountain, the rock, the molecule, the atom, the proton, the quark, and the sea of chaos beyond, each as entities by their own right, you seem to be trapped by the notion that it must be only one of these things, or nothing at all. This, I think, is where we disagree. Our classifications of these objects, based on their interactions, are not fabrications of our minds. Each has its own distinct properties which our awareness interprets in a way that we can comprehend. Whether or not we are here to define or categorize, their uniqueness within the universe still exists.

    In that same way, we exist, and so do all of the things that make us unique. Yes, our will changes and evolves, but it's not something we can direct. Anything you choose to direct, you choose to direct through the use of that will, which isn't and never will be under your control. You're are that chain of events and interactions that shape and define you as you continue to grow. It is who you are, and it starts with your genetics, and all that lead up to them, gives birth to your awareness, and then controls it from that moment forward. The events that lead to your "enlightenment" are all part of that--you aren't outside of yourself. You can't be aware of a thing, physical or conceptual, without your will categorizing and cataloging it, in a way that's completely biased by who and what you are. It's the essence of awareness, the foundation by which this "illusion" you believe your life to be came to exist, and continues to exist.

    You cannot free yourself from that. That's why it's your true self, and it's that same "true self" that would manage your interactions and choose your paths.

    We are not, and never have been "pure potential," or "pure awareness," because we are effectively adulterated before we even form our first thoughts. Our genetics build a unique brain structure, which will play a large role in how we think for the rest of our lives. Yes, it will even affect how you choose to manage your interactions and choose your paths, no matter how aware you become.

  29. Daniel, my experience was certainly transformative, and I definitely wasn't prepared for it. Learning to trust my perceptions again was a very slow, difficult process, and it took me quite a while to realize that it was okay for me to decide what was meaningful in my life, since meaning was no longer something I could take for granted.

    I don't think you need any special training for realizations like this to have a profound impact on you, but I'm certain it would prevent a few headaches. I'm certainly quite a different person now, despite the fact that I'm the same old me. ;)

    I used to behave a lot more like... eh... say, your stereotypical psychopath. I destroyed projects people had worked on for years, because I thought it was funny, and that they deserved it. I lied to and about people constantly. I pretty much ran around causing wanton destruction anywhere I could get away with it, but in my mind, I was still a perfect little angel. Everyone else deserved everything they got.

    But hey! Live and learn. :)

  30. im fucking with you you know!!! lolol

  31. "I fail to see where you're saying anything that differs from what I've already said."

    It doesn’t really. But you asked for a logical explanation and that’s what I came up with.

    “I think you're suffering from a malady of thought, whereby you're unable to think of a single situation in multiple ways. Instead of recognizing the mountain, the rock, the molecule, the atom, the proton, the quark, and the sea of chaos beyond, each as entities by their own right, you seem to be trapped by the notion that it must be only one of these things, or nothing at all.”

    Malady of thought.. I love that. Yeah maybe.

    By seeing a situation in multiple ways do you mean from different perspectives? If we’re not here to define or categorize, does the uniqueness of other objects within the universe really exist? If I weren’t here, would you exist? Lol. Narcissistic of me, isn’t it?

    - Zoe

  32. Replies
    1. a little constipated, peter poo?

  33. "And I’ll be the first to admit that for me anyway, this was a dead end practically speaking. The insight was accurate and mind bending, but not especially useful unless you’re the Dalai Lama or a monk. My reaction after I had my big aha moment was, great, it’s all ONE. Big whoop."

    Lol. You’re right. The mind doesn’t seem to need it, but I like the detachment. It's nice to get off the mental mousewheel now and then.

  34. Well I thought I was done with this but my mind has a habit of working overtime..

    I have to say I’m not convinced. I mean if consciousness is only an effect of thought which itself is only chemical reactions in the brain (a culmination of years of genetics forged by environment and not a stitch more), then who thinks the thoughts? Who is doing the driving?

    Do I think the thoughts? Or do they think me? Could I have been seduced so completely that I believe I don’t exist without them?

    But if they think me and there is no one behind the wheel, then there is no one behind the wheel. I am my own illusion. An illusion that thinks it exists.

    How can that be?

    Personally, I think the mechanistic view is good enough in a Newtonian physics kind of way. All that relativity just complicates things.

  35. Zoe said, "I am my own illusion. An illusion that thinks it exists.

    How can that be?"

    How could it be otherwise?

    I am therefore I think.

  36. Replies
    1. for some there is no therefore

  37. (Saa)its fair to say, once u hav heard one sociopaths story or confession, u hav heard em all-they are shackled to boredom, being boring and boring everyone else with their boring tales of seduction,yawwwnn...bleurrghhh
    im so glad i aint got to live like poor poor sodding sods

  38. im so glad i aint got to live like poor poor sodding sods"

    is that pity, anonymous?

  39. For L.A

    Under the covers was a glint, like new life. It had never gone out. How? I am not sure. Life has a tenacity, usually. Once that tenacity goes, you do, too, it seems. Human beings are tensile, like an old tree, bearing it's roots into the ground. It can blow. God made it that way. It can bend. However, it can despair of everything, too. The human heart is tender. You need to know that you are not just a hunk of flesh, which is dispensable like another body thrown on a mass grave, in the war movies.

    The man who is so strong that he cannot shatter is not strong. He is like the hollowed tree, which is waiting for the next big storm. Then, it will not have the strength to sway and bend because it never let in the small glimmers of light along the way.

    1. SOfa, this one was very velvety. you remind me of a soothing tone from here a while back. Your styles are so varied, i sometimes think you are different people writing under the same sofa.

    2. They are all me, Anon.

    3. Thank you for your posts. They mean things to me I cannot describe.

    4. Thank YOU, Anon. You made my day!

    5. Huh. I am glad.

    6. Have a good day, Sofa!

    7. When I touch your soul, I find my own. You have a great day, too, Anon!

  40. Replies
    1. Good morning Rich!!

      I hope you slept well!

      I am sick. and I couldn't sleep so I took 25 mg hydroxyzine hcl . it was handily in my medicine cabinet!!

    2. Hey, that is a VERY GOOD MED, when I used to feel sick and nausea I would go to my doctor and he would give me a 50mg shot of it, it's non Generic name is called Vistaril and it works really well for me, and you apparently. I hope u feel better

      PS- Iam having a little self "discovery" I guess...... When I read about "Shallow" or "superficial" emotions, I have them in certain ways, and it is kinda bothering me because I have been identifying as an "Empath" and TRULY trhink I am one, but when I have these shallow emotions toward people, I dont think they are shallow, they FEEL DEEP to me, but maybe that is just because I dont know what deep emotion is supposed to feel like?

      But Iam sure I do know deep emotions, like when I broke up with the first woman I have ever loved, It was really hard on me.......

    3. My first break up crushed me for too long. It was the beginning of me going on medicine.

      I think many people have feelings they don't know about. One of the things I am very good at is seeing them on a person's face. Can you do that? I can tell what they feel before they can verbalize what they are feeling. Does the empath do that?

      I dk what shallow or superficial emotions are. But If I feel very deeply and tears come, sometimes i don't know why. I will go on to the next not sit with it. There is too much pain all the time from INNER stuff, and this feels very different.

      I feel a bit better today. Thanks Rich.

  41. I have a question. My ex boyfriend is a sociopath. We have been together well most off than on for 8 yrs. I knew he was a sociopath but denied it because I was convincing myself that he had to care about me a little bit. We have two children together. 3 & 6, and he has abandoned us so many times. He just came back 11 months ago after being gone for there years. He got me pregnant with our last child and went across the country to Washington. He wasn't even there when he was born. It has all came to an end in the past couple of days. And we both know this is the end. I sent him an email and said, "You know you're a sociopath. Don't you." And he said, yes I know. Anyway. My question is, I'm packing my things and moving to a different state. Do you think he will come look for me even though he has abandoned his children 4 times in the past 6 years?

    1. Also I want to add that he has threatened to kill me if I take his kids away. Do you think that's just a threat? Or should I be scared?


    2. I don't think you can up and hide anyone's children, let alone a sociopath's, and not expect them to be infuriated you dared to do so.

      This is what I would be thinking if I was you:

      He will always feel nothing of coming to or abandoning them whenever he wants. It is not about coming to look for YOU. I'm not saying he does not love you in his way. In their mind the child belongs to them, you were a vessel and he will have any kind of relationship with his possessions he damn well chooses. I would expect to be on my guard at least for the net 25 years.

      Good luck.

    3. Yep, you should be scared.

    4. You should scare him away by demanding child support. He'll run like you have never seen. Start playing the predator, so far you're an idiot.

    5. yes, child support!

  42. some running stretching and powertraining done
    i feel a strange calm taking hold
    won the battle with the everlasting itch again
    but that's all the matters
    one day at a time
    here and now

    1. i got a game in the oven and i'm wandering how to proceed
      direct aproach
      ther's someone els who wants in in all the fun i told him about
      stitch him up
      i think my target can take a punch
      but she's got to much to loos to go the distance

  43. i began playing here from day one and all of the sudden an opportunity comes knocking
    she's allready crazy about me

  44. "Each man must look to himself to teach him the meaning of life. It is not something discovered: it is something molded."
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  45. Where is that whining quim?

    1. Who? Does she have a name?

    2. LOL. Maybe that's Monica

    3. Maybe? LOL..LOL

  46. I agree with some of the other comments - it sounds like you are slapping a label on her just because she screwed you over. Girls may act cold to you if they have decided to break up with you, or want you out or they disrespect you.

    Besides, you cannot know the operation of her mind.

  47. To realize one's nature perfectly....

    Such a take it wherever you want kind of balloon statement. The usual style of smarty comedians.

  48. On the floor of the canyon, she called out. She heard her voice come back. It came back twice, three times. It seemed so tinny. It was not the voice of a "how are you" man or the sound of a manicured preacher who told you you were going to Hell. You believed him. His voice had that kind of authority. Hers sounded like a waif. If you saw it, it would be vapor, or almost.

  49. Inside her was the key. She had yearned for it so much, you would think it was a lover, one who loved her once but went away, spurned her, probably, but she never forgot him. He was her one and only, that kind of love, not the cheap kind where you wake up next to someone and say "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom."

    She may never retrieve the key. She may die with it hidden, as if she swallowed a nickel. They can see it on X-ray, but they can't get it out. They say, live with it.

    The key has fog all around it, as if it is in a dream. Sometime, she can move her hand close, as if she is touching it, but the merry go round never stops. She thinks she may reach it, the very next time. She tries to force the idea that it doesn't matter. She would be alright, if she died and someone inherited it, n beloved ancestor ,but she knows that is a lie. She wants it in her cold, clammy hands when she dies. Then, she wants to be buried with it. Someone can open her dead hands and put it in, like they do with the wedding rings of husbands and wives.

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