Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Understanding very little

A reader writes:
I am wondering, do you watch "Lie To Me"? The latest episode of Lie To Me which I watched had an interesting ending, where Tim Roth's character (one "Dr. Lightman") wrote that he understood very little, least of all those close to him.

I understand very little. I see people and I know what they feel, happy, sad, angry, annoyed, aroused, excited. but all in all I understand very little. I know they are experiencing something, but I do not understand the "humanity" that occurs around me. I know I am required to do certain things at certain times, and I will do those things, but do I understand why. I know I must, or I will be viewed in a negative light that makes my life difficult.

Indeed, it seems as if almost everybody I meet was handed a blue-print to behaviours, a list of requirements, of responses and of reactions. And it seems I missed that handing out, missed the instructions, missed that which is needed to be...well, human. This is how I viewed the world when I was younger, and how I have adapted.

As I said, I know but I do not understand. Human life occurs all around me, and I can not help but watch.

138 comments:

  1. Is is a perfect description of what I understand by the term DISSOCIATION. The old definition is not prepared to see fit into this sort of problem with integration. More or less like a spectator, but where you can and do act, and have control?

    I wonder if this process goes to the point where you have to ask yourself if you are really alive...and you start enumerating the logical reasons.

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  2. This is a post I totally relate to.

    Especially:

    Indeed, it seems as if almost everybody I meet was handed a blue-print to behaviours, a list of requirements, of responses and of reactions. And it seems I missed that handing out, missed the instructions, missed that which is needed to be...well, human. This is how I viewed the world when I was younger, and how I have adapted.

    Always stongly felt that I was missing the inherent social behavior rule book. Makes relationships of all kinds difficult and confusing, because I never understand what is expected of me. I never know how I am supposed to act in them or respond to people.

    It's like ever since I was born I've just been trying to do the best I can to act like a human, and I've had to learn it all from observation and memory, not instinct.

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  3. Maybe because it isn't instinct. These values, norms, morals, and manners are a defense mechanism against instinct itself would you not agree?

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  4. Why "defense mechanism"? Are they necessarily always opposed to each other? I know for a fact that for some people cynicism is actually a luxury or something quite exotic. Their nature, instincts? would cause them to be completely lost in a world of endless uncertainty, intrique and incessant cost/benefit calculations. Some have already been obliterated. As Grace said "a culture shock". I also see the analogy to what Medusa said about confusion and misreading social cues in relationships as well.

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  5. It's a learning process for everyone. This is where your enviornment influences the process of how we receive it.
    I was born 8th child in 10. There just wasn't much indivisual attention given basic needs were always met. I felt like I was born to observe everyone elses reactions and behavior. If I choose wrong there was punishment if I chose right I was left alone.
    Being in a family that big made it hard to have a sence of indivisuality and being one of the youngest made it hard to be part of the major operations of the whole.
    My whole life has been created in a way by observing, I don't think anyone's hasn't.

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  6. Human life occurs all around me, and I can not help but watch.


    I like to watch, listern and learn.

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  7. A bit of possible insight last night and I came up with a hypothetical.

    Men who are what UKan says he is don't spend time writing on blogs.

    I think UKan is the alter ego of some woman who is having a great time pulling the wool over eyes here.

    Just a thought.

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  8. Agreed.

    I have bad insight into other peoples minds,sometimes i have to ask people why they act a certain way.

    The other day i asked my friend - Why would you want to create a family? I don't know what the big fuss is?

    Come to think of it i know very little of myself as well.I don't believe in all that "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger" the people i seen who use those sayings are the weakest people i know.

    I have a cold rational outlook on life.It may sound terrible to some empaths but i say to myself if a family member dies what's one less person on the planet? This stems from having a complete dis-respect for others.

    That's not to say i don't have my realm of fantasy .My fantasy life doesn't involve wizards and witches.

    It's about being unbelievably rich,handsome notorious.

    To not be seen as a person but something far more omnipotent.In a way i am aware of the flaws of humans and i despise them.

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  10. I know I am required to do certain things at certain times, and I will do those things, but do I understand why. I know I must, or I will be viewed in a negative light that makes my life difficult.

    I think everyone feels this way. Social standards and politeness don't always come naturally. There are lots of times that I find myself biting my tongue just to get along and not make waves. There are lots of times I drag myself through doing something just because it's expected. So many of the social "norms" are fake. I wish it were "proper" to behave as you feel.

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  11. I agree Aerianne. I think that to a certain degree, everyone feels slightly disconnected from social norms. Which I think Ukan’s comment implied as well. Socialization, to a certain degree, requires all of us to act against our instincts.

    The difference is that for most people, it would appear that this struggle is taken onboard with little to no hesitation or awareness. In fact, it’s like they all agree with the process. They believe it’s right and proper. They take on the tenets of their community as if they were their own. The villainize those who would question the status quo, including and especially the rebel inside their own minds. Plus, most people have the added emotional factors that almost compel them to obey, to conform. They have their ever present fear to contend with: the fear of rejection, the fear of being socially isolated and the fear of their own guilt to keep them in line when their parents, teachers, cops and preachers can’t be there to do it for them.

    They also have positive emotional payoffs, like the warmth of being accepted by their families and peer groups, the solidarity and pseudo-safety that comes with that, the love.

    Take away those emotional payoffs and what do you have left? You would have someone who is surrounded by a world of others who seem to eagerly embrace the roles and rules society hands them. Without the emotions, the whole process doesn’t make sense. Those of us without access to the emotional payoffs don’t have the luxury of blind obedience or acceptance.

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  12. The difference is that for most people, it would appear that this struggle is taken onboard with little to no hesitation or awareness.


    Yes, and thus enlarging the fake factor until I find it nauseating to mix with the public.

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  13. ^I feel ya.

    What’s fake to us (and by ‘us’ I mean anybody, for whatever reason, who happens to find themselves outside of the norm) is totally real and even appropriate to them. Their unexamined acceptance of the whole shebang is the worst part really. It’s like mixing with zombies, ala M.E.’s 12/8/10 post.

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  14. Life is about following social norms and customs, thought through the educational system or social circle. If you are failing at it, it must mean you received a failing level of indoctrination. You have only yourself to blame, take some responsibility.

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  15. Daniel, I find the shallowness of character displayed to be the most dis-heartening thing about it.

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  16. Life is about following social norms and customs…

    ^Are you serious? I can hardly tell anymore around here.

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  17. Aerianne, what do you mean by ‘shallowness of character’?

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  18. Danielle Nodick should get out of this blog.

    He is by farr the most boring fuckhead i have ever seen.

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  19. Daniel, it's things like the fake cheer, the self-importance, and the pretentiousness that gets to me.

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  20. I find it funny when people have a deep seated hatred towards a group of people like niggers or rapists.

    I have nothing against the hater,hate away but if you're me you'll be indifferent towards the group rather than hate on them.

    If you want to be a child molester go ahead molest you're children ill probably molest them with you if i have nothing better to do.

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  21. I have noticed the unfortunate influx of tween-like comments here as of late. Ah well. It’s the price grownups pay when we choose to communicate on the internet, especially when the forum/comments section is unmoderated. This is the first, last and only response I’ll give to comments like the one from anon #37,165 above. Although I’ll admit, the play on my screen name did make me chuckle.

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  22. Aerianne, are you dealing with someone like that right now?

    I happen to be dealing with a friend right now who is chock full of cheeriness and optimism. It’s not fake per se because he really believes in it. But it has effectively blinded him. He is unable to deal with the reality of his current romantic situation precisely because he is determined to be cheerful, no matter what. The woman he is with and her family are going to wipe the floor with him at some point in the near future, but he won’t allow himself to even entertain that thought.

    I'll admit, 'true believers' annoy me.

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  24. But nowadays, detachment, sense of alienation, anti-conformity is hardly a stigma but more of a fad and "chick magnet" to be strategically used with the right audience & situation do you not agree?

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  25. Gag,

    I don’t know about fads since I don’t follow them. I do agree about the 'Bad Boy' thing being a 'chick magnet' though. In fact, if memory serves there was even scientific research done to demonstrate that truism.

    Also, the sense of being outside of the norm isn’t something I wear on my sleeves. For all the world knows, I am the consummate insider, so to speak. But yeah, it all depends on who you are and what you want, so for some people in some circumstances, advertising their ‘alienation’ can be an effective strategy.

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  26. Danielle i seen more testosterone in a piece of shit you pussy.

    Go take you're neitzhe shit somewere else.

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  27. I know what I said, but I can’t resist anon #37,165, especially since PoMo doesn’t do this anymore:

    It’s your instead of you’re, Nietzsche instead of neitzhe and “I’ve seen” instead of “i seen”. You got testosterone right, so that’s a plus. I shudder to think of our future if this is the best that Western education can produce.

    The 'I deliberately threw in the misspellings and bad grammar to trap you' gambit should begin in 5, 4, 3, 2...

    Ok seriously, I’ll stop now. Unless of course you say something really incisive, insightful and interesting. Otherwise I’ll leave you to it. Carry on.

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  28. So maybe they're not quite the dramatic "villians" as Daniel put it, but perhaps the sub-status quo, just as capable of generating the fear of rejection, the fear of being sub-socially isolated and the guilt, as well as providing positive emotional payoffs, warmth of being accepted to their potential followers. Psychosis means everyone can be a special snowflake and capitalism gives all a warm hug.

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  29. since PoMo doesn't do this anymore

    Aww, I almost feel missed. In defense of my fleeing to Grammar Argentina, I determined that correcting did nothing to improve the quality of posting, only the superficial elements. As Stanislaw Lee would say, "Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?"

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  30. I've always felt as though the law, and all of of society's rules, simply do not apply to me. I feel as though, since I realise that all of thes rules are completely meaningless, I should be exempt from them. The only problem is that nobody else seems to feel this way, which is exactly why I have to hide my non-conformity, and law/rule breaking from most people.

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  31. As Frodo Baggins said "Postmodern is a douchebag indie kid pretending to be a sociopath"

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  32. I think people follow all those norms because they don't want to be alone or feel outside of everything or everyone else. No one wants to risk doing things a bit differently so they conform. Who wants to fell fear? The norm of not hurting people is a different story though right? That's more about live and let live. I suppose if the world rotated on the basis of survival of the fittest..I'd make sure I'm one of the fittest...no doubt.

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  33. Misanthrope nobody gives a fuck about what you say.You walk around with a chip on you're shoulder thinking you're hot shit when in fact you're not even a sociopath you're a common thug.You're weak bro i see right through that shit.I see people like you all the time at my club bro.

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  34. "I suppose if the world rotated on the basis of survival of the fittest..I'd make sure I'm one of the fittest...no doubt."

    I think it does.

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  35. l've never heard UKan say "bro" before, so I wont answer that until I'm sure it's actually him.

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  36. As previously mentioned this sounds much like dissociation to me. Now my version of Dissociation isn’t like a total break from reality. I don’t have amnesiac fugue states or multiple personalities. I can always, ‘check in’ and know that I am actually in the real world, I just don’t ‘feel’ like I am real. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong body. Like I'm watching myself, my body, do things from someone else's perspective. Cognitively I know it's my body but the person that feels what's going on is somewhere else. My feelings are gone. Here, but part of me is left somewhere else, on the outside, not inside me where it belongs. Going through the motions of what I know I would normally do but without any connection to the motivating forces that would drive me to do these things.

    Sleep walking through my own consciousness.

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  37. Append a tilde somewhere in there.

    My assertion is real, the hostility is not.

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  38. I know. It's GRK.

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  39. Why the big fuss about conformity or non? Idiosyncracies rule if make enough noise about it.
    As Ukan would probably say; "if you're smart you can buy even that, so who gives a shit whether you're a dissociated freakazoid or not."

    So why wouldn't GRK's megalomania and bizarre aspirations be considered a successful volutionary trait if he finds his own sub-status quo?

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  40. "Append a tilde somewhere in there.My assertion is real, the hostility is not."

    That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And my word verification is "cumin" (:

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  41. Lol oh this is just fucking great.The borderline slut is back.You going to tell us all you're rape story? I got some lube at the ready.

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  42. Can't rape the willing, babydoll. Not when pain and pleasure mean exactly the same thing to you ;)

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  43. I think Postmodern has an old man fetish.

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  44. I love borderline hoes like you they have no ego.They don't care what a person says about them.You remind me of a chick i used to know.I was drinking my heinekin with the boys at the bar and she came over and start sucking my cock then and there.I slapped her in the face and came all over her mouth and she didn't do nothing just smiled.

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  45. what is important to understand is that we have evolved. evolution tries to shape you into a reproducing machine. in society it is generally a good strategy to be genuinely sociable but if 95% are like this then the remaining 5% that don't believe the rules apply to them, and aren't hindered by a conscience (morals), also have a good strategy.

    This minority must always be a small minority or the benefit/cost ratio isn't high enough. A recent discussion on this forum pondered a world full of socios... just not gonna happen.
    So it is absolutely natural and normal to feel 'dissociation' etc, it just isn't what the majority (neurotypical sheep) feel. murder, cannibalism, rape... they are all natural and have evolutionary benefits if only a minority perpetrate them.

    @daniel "true believers annoy me"
    i think if i dedicated my life to one cause it would be the utter destruction of true believers - if i ever have opportunity to fuck one over (and get away with it) i take it. i view them as worth even less than a regular empath. it's their being completely impervious to reasoning that makes me mad i think.

    any of the god squad here? lol :)

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  46. Aren't the interwebs a wonderful place? Say anything you want and you're still just as anonymous as the next guy. Watch me cower at the lack of accountability ::eye roll::

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  47. Gaiz i might become an alcoholic.It seems like a fun lifestyle what do you all think?

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  48. Haven i would pound the chick in you're pic hard.Is that you? (:

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  49. if you don't want someone to figure out who you are, please start putting spaces between your sentences.

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  50. above to grk.

    if you dedicate your life to wiping out true believers, doesn't it make you a true believer of a kind? i mean, it's what they do. i think it's what makes them so frightening.

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  51. I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why.My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

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  52. I think that religion would be a nice security blanket to have. It must be nice to believe that there's something waiting for you on "the other side", but I'm incapable of believing any form of God or God's. I actually tried once(for a few hours straight), to adopt the hindu faith, because I want to believe in reincarnation, but I just couldn't do it. I see all religious people as scared, deluded and gullible.

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  53. My ballbag is all sweaty.

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  54. And yeah, I guess I would "pound that chick".

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  55. @haven
    i find BPD chicks really interesting... possible due to the challenge of managing them instead of the usual idiots whose hobby is shoe shopping. and i think there is something in the rumour round here that BPD's and socio's often end up as a [shortlived but intoxicating] couple. my BPD ex recently became a born again - what's your take on religion?
    going out now but back in ~3hrs.

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  56. Fashion is complicated but i am getting the hang of it.

    If you start busting out top brand names left right and center you're image will go stale very very quickly.The trick is to have some variety so that when you wear you're Paul & Shark or whatever people will remember it.

    You can't let the brand wear you.

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  57. Res that could be true requiring the Borderline is good looking and she doesn't talk back.

    I'm sure looks are a major factor with the other socios here.My sister is that bad looking i can't even walk down the street with her.

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  58. I can so relate to that.

    For a period of time, before i discovered this blog i was trying to fit in, to find the way that the others found so easily.

    I now am so frustrated sometimes for feeling bottled up anger that i didn't let out when i was supposed to. I was all hyped up on doing the right thing that i ignored all that i was feeling. I thought that there was a way that i was supposed to behave because i became so disoriented with life seeing that same shit that this guy talks about in this post. Everybody got handed their blueprints and i didn't so i was left out not knowing what to do. Fuck that was terrible. If i knew that before i would've punched a lot more faces i would've let out my anger and frustration. I would've hated the world like i was supposed to.

    Fuck.

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  59. Should i start looking for the ones i am supposed to beat up?

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  60. Most sociopaths don't realize the potential they have.

    They may go through life hating authority because they aren't that bright.

    I'll use an example.

    Ted Bundy - Instead of being an idiot and conflicting with authority like most sociopath.He went off and studied psychology and my opinion is that that's how he found out he was a sociopath.

    He studied what made people thick so he could master his manipulation.When finally overcome you're struggles you see that life is nothing but a HUGE supermarket and you can take what you want.

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  61. Ted Bundy was an idiot.

    What part about his wasted life as a serial killer do you idolize?

    The part where he's put to death?
    Or maybe where he really had no control over destroying lives including his own?

    Maybe it was the legacy he left behind.

    You can idolize him if you want he got less then he deserved in the end, he should have been made to suffer they way he made other's and died a slow long death.

    But maybe we'll get to see it when you get caught.

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  62. Oh and by the way, he was so fucking brave he had to be carried to the electric chair. What a strong brave piece of shit.

    Oh and where do you think his soul is now spending eternity?
    Hopefully sealed in a coffin in the frozen cold ground with the worms.

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  63. @ResCogitans' I usually tell people I'm technically agnostic but a practicing atheist. I don't believe in god(s)dess(es). I was raised without religion but I have a fascination for ritual. I draw to the Old Earth religions and the Eastern philosophies like Taoism and some forms of Buddhism. I'm really more interested in the cultural study than worship.

    ::laughs:: I'm sure my exes have found me 'challenging', but by extension I usually find them boring. I've yet to meet anyone that can, manage, me. Hah.

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  64. Havan you need to send some nudes my way you fine.

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  65. Can a sociopath have an identity disturbance?

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  66. Some would say that sociopathy is an identity disturbance.

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  67. So a sociopath has trouble with self-image? Is that what you're saying?

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  68. if you don't want someone to figure out who you are, please start putting spaces between your sentences.


    Be sneaky, my friend..lol

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  69. It’s your instead of you’re, Nietzsche instead of neitzhe and “I’ve seen” instead of “i seen”.

    This is lovely. Thank you, Daniel.

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  70. UKan Blow Me said...
    I love borderline hoes like you they have no ego.They don't care what a person says about them.You remind me of a chick i used to know.I was drinking my heinekin with the boys at the bar and she came over and start sucking my cock then and there.I slapped her in the face and came all over her mouth and she didn't do nothing just smiled.


    Then you woke up with your hand on your dick.hehe

    Word verification: pre ho..lol

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  71. Since there's been much talk of borderlines here, I thought this would be interesting.
    I found this on a blog,

    'There are 9 separate criteria for BPD, 5 of which must be met for diagnosis, that means there are 256possible combinations of symptoms. Although most borderlines can relate to similar experiences, each symptom is experienced differently.'

    even if you met 256 borderlines, they'd all be their own shade of borderline. Isn't it a delight. It's like a double whammy of unpredictability. First from the disorder, and then the unique personality.

    I presume the same goes for any cluster B personality.

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  72. that means there are 256possible combinations of symptoms

    Well, at least they did the math right.

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  73. GRK are you so starving for attention you need to use my name? Well I guess I know just how insignificant you are. Can you guess why everyone keeps guessing its you? You can't hide you retardation. Even putting my name on top of your dribble won't make it sound anything but desperate. Now you know the advantages to having a image. To bad its too late.

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  74. pre ho. hehe, best one so far.

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  75. Mr birdick, pms, welcome back lads

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  76. How can you not see how fucking stupid all of you are! Here is a list of reasons why I'm the biggest sociopath of all of you:

    1. I still wet my bed
    2. I still live a parasitical lifestyle @ 17
    3. I hit my dog
    4. I masterbate to rape porn
    5. I like people who do self harm in front of me
    6. My dad numbed me to all pain
    7. My mom was a prostitute/plastic surgeon

    You vote. Who is the biggest one?

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  77. HavenNyx, I tried leaving a comment on your blog but there's no option for a URL or anon profile.

    Would you be able to change that? Thanks. :)
    If not, don't worry about it.

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  78. Let's have a pageant and sponsor contestants for The Biggest Sociopath Contest!!! Yes!!! Finally something interesting!!!!!!

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  79. Lol, Cleopatra, what would the winner get? If the prize package is big enough I could pull together some real sociopathic behavior and become a contender.

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  80. To answer Daniel's question from earlier today:


    Aerianne, are you dealing with someone like that right now?

    No, it's my normal contempt of the clueless population at large.

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  81. This is how GRK spends his Sundays.

    http://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1292318973/Moron_Attempts_Front_Flip_In_Garbage_Off_Roof

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  82. A prostitute and
    a plastic surgeon? At the same time?

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  83. http://www.asylum.com/2010/12/08/video-failed-arsonists-runs-into-lamp-post-during-getaway/

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  84. Medusa on her rounds.

    http://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1291449919/Pyscho_Kills_Her_Husband_In_The_Street_While_Police_Do_Nothing

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  85. GRK said:
    You vote. Who is the biggest one?


    You are the biggest one..lol
    But I am the best.;)

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  87. Res Cognitas.

    I know you weren't addressing me specifically but since i'm borderline also I thought i'd chip in.

    I'm not religious at all. I grew up in a religious household so had the opportunity to learn about it and it's limitations.

    Yeah, I don't like religion.
    With regards to your ex, it seems strange since borderlines usually emerge from some sort of oppression in early life, emotionally speaking. At least, that's one possible facet. And so logically speaking, i would feel that the confines of religion for an adult borderline would seem incongruous.

    But then again, as I said up there somewhere, we're all different.

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  88. thanks for doing that HavenNyx. :)

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  91. @notme/Res Cognitas... Since so many BPDs have abandonment issues (it's sort of a hallmark) I can see the church being very comforting in that regard. Like cults, the open arms wide and practically consume their members, wrapping them in a Dogma that will never leave them, never kick them out. Just a thought.

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  93. Your delivery is so unceremonious, Post! I admire understatement.

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  95. Well, GRK, they do say dogs come to resemble their masters.

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  96. @Aerianne: Ceremony is reserved for important things.

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  98. Too bad he's dead. I'll bet you'd have made a cute couple.

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  100. HavenNyx/ResCognitas

    When you put it like that Haven, I can see what you're saying. Actually, as a teen I sought to deepen my faith (that my parents had intiated in me from childhood) even further to a sort of perfect completion.

    I realised later that that was part and parcel of my need to feel grounded, to feel connected to something for some reason. (I think i was preoccupied with the idea of having a solid identity) and also God was my refuge. I was a very serious teen too, which would account for that.

    But once I delved further into my faith, ironically, that was when I found religion flawed and stopped believing altogether. I actually felt very happy and free to be what I am by nature. But it turns out, what I am by nature has its challenges too. lol.

    Nonetheless, i won't ever return to religion, it makes no sense to do so, on any level for me.

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  102. Postmodern that was great. That was 'Frank the Psychopath' from sociopathworld! I remember that remark he made and I replied with something like, 'Frank, you're a dick.' I'm sure he was hurt.~

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  103. It was shocking GRK.

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  105. poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop

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  106. @ResCogitans: Welcome back

    @Postmodern Sociopath: Thanks for the link. I remember that comment from Frank, heh.

    I love me some beepers. Flippin headache right now though, will flesh it out later..

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  107. Your delivery is so unceremonious

    Yeah, this is usually true of comments from both Post and aspie. I am certainly a fan.

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  109. lol, sorry ResCogitans, i totally got your name wrong. i sort of made up my own version for some reason.

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  110. Bundy was a narc not a socio.

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  111. The Unknown said...
    Is Nikita an altar ego?

    lol.

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  112. The disorded are like a box of chocolates, you never know which one your going to get.

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  113. Wow that picture was pretty creepy you're lip and yes look exactly like his.I hope you don't leave the sane trail of destruction.You have the potential to be great.

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  114. Pumpkin, when people say things like, "If you want people to believe your alters, you need to start putting spaces between your sentences," they mean make this:

    his.I hope

    look like this:


    his. I hope

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  115. I also have a BPD ex who became born-again. I think it's easy for many BPD people to assume most any beliefs system or identity as long as they think it gives them a home emotionally.

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  116. I've followed your blog for a long time but haven't made any comments, but I will now, because I want to tell how I see it all.

    What you describe, and what the readers describe most of them, seems to be more like some form of High Functioning Autism. And I say it SEEMS like High Functioning Autism, to me at least, because I have High Functioning Autism myself. I'm also a friend of someone who told me about this blog, but who is apparently a psychopath. He's told me he was diagnosed with it anyway, but he's just like me too!

    So yeah, I'm not especially socially disabled, but there're many high functioning autistics who aren't either, it's only the most severely Asperger's and Infantile Autistics who have the social issues. But then again I can tell from your blog that you have all the same issues that I have and that the high functioning autistics have, so why do you think we're all sociopaths? Is it because we lie and manipulate?

    But high functioning autistics can do that too! My friend who has written comments here many times also seem like a high functioning autistic to me and he says I'm one of the best skilled manipulating people he has met, even though he's a lot better than I am. But that's because he's always had an interest in that sort of thing and I haven't.

    He says the difference between a sociopath and an high functioning autistic is only that the sociopaths do asocial stuff willingly and knowingly and they're not interested in reforming. And the autistics are usually just more interested in some non-social stuff like maths or train spotting and that kind of thing. But if they become interested in social stuff they will resort to what NTs call asocial and amoral because we all lack what the guy in this article calls 'blueprints handed out to them at birth'.

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  117. So yeah maybe this blog writer is really a high functioning autistic, for he has all the same problems that we have. It's exactly the same things.

    sorry for multi posting.

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  118. could you clarify for me, isn't high functioning autism the same as aspergers?

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  119. @notme
    that was my take on it - she needs to know absolute unconditional love/dependence/acceptance. i could give her complete nonjudgmental acceptance which is why she wanted my babies but she know it would be temporary so initiated the self destruct. she is struggling with religion because although she feels god's love, religious types are the most judgmental of all people.

    @TNP
    i've been hectic at work, and got in some insanely good weed. barely had time for browsing. looked through some of ME's past posts and found the survey v interesting but a more in depth one is needed sometime. UKanbeGRK may be here just for entertainment but surveys like that have the possibility of furthering self knowledge. perhaps put suggestions for questions on your blog? maybe i should get round to setting one up for myself...

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  120. @highfuctioning
    you need to consider the commonalities rather than get hung up on trying to have concrete definitions - i daresay socios and ASDs both have prefrontal-cortexs and amygdalas more than one standard deviation from the mean.

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  121. Yes ResCogitans

    the judgmental aspect did me a lot of harm. Borderlines are potentially neurotic and self-flagellating, and so religiousness can take them over the edge. That was my experience anyway.

    Living without a strict moral code is my relief from that.

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  122. poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop

    I completely agree.

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  123. Ok, I havea a new commenting policy. I read your comments up until they get to the sociopathic game playing between ukan and others. So if someone already said this, forgive me.
    It seems to me that the thing that sociopaths aren't grasping is not the emotional silliness of peoples actions, it is that they don't grasp the meaning of peoples actio world we have logically determined to be pointless. The meaning a sociopath gives to his life is his own glory and accomplishment, so he uses other peoples meaning to gain his own advantages by their willingness to enrich their lives emotionally. It is not in facta fault on humanitys part that they feel. It is a fault on sociopaths part that they do not. Technically they're the broken and unproductive member thereby being damaged goods. Your inability to be productive is not godliness as you think, but uselessness.ns. Emotions give people meaning in their lives to do the things they do. Its an instinct that keeps us productive and sexually active. Meaning are the things we choose to believe in based on our emotions to give us reasons to continue in this

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  124. Sorry about that hiccup. I was trying to say sociopaths don't grasp that hen we figure out the world is pointless during our adolesence, we then add meaning to our lives to make the various tasks that we do worthwhile. Ie work, helping humanity to progress, reproduce, etc. While a sociopaths motivation lacks these emotional gratification so their life remains meaningless annd they merely do things for their own entertainment.

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  125. snuggly grizzle just took the thoughts right out of my mind

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