Thursday, December 23, 2010

Falling in love with a sociopath

From a reader:

I'm about 99% sure my dear friend is a sociopath. He's the most charming, funny, and well-loved person in our community. Yet, he has zero work ethic and is basically a leech entirely when it comes to work. Nothing wrong is ever his fault. He lied countless times to me when he pursued a relationship, and never seemed genuinely sorry (regardless of the many "I'm Sorry's" and "I understand's.") And he has this weird thing with eye contact. He also has lots of tricks I've picked up on, so I know he's very attentive to me when we're "on-again" and likes to protect himself. He knows how to get to me, using humor, my dreams, and sympathy play. I just wanted to write about how loving a sociopath happens, regardless of knowing so clearly what went wrong (many people don't understand -- I get that) and about why I wanted him back.

I forget it's bad because I'm having so much fun. He's funny, sweet even. He brings up old jokes, memories, and conversations that almost make me forget why I hated him so much in the first place. Somewhere in my mind I know he's not safe, or solid as a foundation, but I feel at home with him anyway. I can see the tricks he's reusing and I can say out loud the things he did to me, the terrible games he played with me. But between my head and my heart there is literally a break in the connection, because I love him.

I also want to point out that going back to him went something like this; it's easier to join forces and be friends than to be on the opposing side. Though we didn't actually fight (verbally or physically) ever really, because he only admitted he lied once, we were in a war. He made himself known, but we weren't speaking. He was everywhere I needed to be, and eventually even crept into my dreams and haunted me in my sleep. It was impossible to go without him. So, regardless of the hours of counseling and catharsis conversations with friends, he's back.

I have a strange compassion and love for him and sociopaths in general, I think. I don't know why they "tick" and work as they do, but they're just different than me. They're still sane, yes, but something inside drives their actions to be so different. They are like little power monsters at times, but they need love too...or so it feels. Is the beating I get worth it?
So far, I guess it has been (though, not to outsiders).


Still, he's my friend, and I believe that he needs love even if he can't feel it quite the same. That's weird, I know. Ha, this is going to sound stupid, but I was thinking about that while I was petting my cat today. She was purring because she liked it, but another way of her getting more petting was clawing at me. So I had to only pet her from a certain angle, so I could still show her I loved her, but not get scratched. Cheesy analogy? Completely. But I think it kind of makes sense for a lot of us that love sociopaths.

304 comments:

  1. I don't see any solid evidence of him being a psychopath, were is his callousness? He doesn't sound the least bit ruthless.

    Any normal person can lie and be good at it, and why do i get a feeling that people treat sociopaths like little cute fuzzy bundles of joy, on here?

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  2. Each their own I guess.

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  3. I'm sure she left out details because she would then be considered crying and whinning by the more ruthless here.

    Is it so wrong for someone who is involved withe a sociopath to have affectionate feelings toward them? You don't need affection anonymous?

    And what exactly do you consider ruthless?

    You seem like your just waiting for juicy details so you can ride the coat tails of other;s who are actually having a life.

    If not then tell your own story.

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  4. Dear Cosmo: I'm afraid my creepy boyfriend is a bore

    He promised he was a sociopath, but he lied

    *yawn*

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  5. Sea Witch that is funny!
    I have to admit that I do miss the fun I had with my ex socio, but I don't miss the lies and nothing ever being his fault. I actually have a deep line in my forehead from looking exasperated for six years!
    This site has taught me that some socios can only put up the act for so long...
    It was fun while it lasted and then it really wasn't.

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  6. All I can say Is "Good Luck".

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  7. What's with the sudden emphasis on women going on around here?

    You think M.E. is looking for a girlfriend ?

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  8. You can always expect Mike to tell it like it is.

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  9. Not all ruthlessness involve strangulation, broken glass, cold stares, a turned shoulder or malice in the voice. The socio guy described by this reader resonates with the European ex-boyfriend of a local girl I know.

    What I don't get was, though she was (a little too) outwardly conservative and religious, the starry eyed carol singing village lass epitomized. The relationship certainly didn't wear her down or become the stoic attachment opera I was expecting when things went south and each went on with their lives.

    They're still pretty fond of each other. Heck I like him too. He's the totally unjudgemental and energizing kind of guy who works his plays on the face value of who you are. He also did good things like finding her a place and enrolling her for a Mass Comm degree at city college. Now she's mooning over her new non-socio french boyfriend. Whats up with that?

    Come to think about it, she was married once before at a very young age to a local but young businessman type of guy. Can only imagine how much more 'village sunday school' she would have been then. Whenever we hang out, she confides that the other ethnic girls among our other friends are too frivolous or 'city lifestyle' for her liking. I wonder what she is?

    Is the beating I get worth it? So far, I guess it has been (though, not to outsiders)

    Has a "with the known time left of my life I choose to be the full me rather than prolong the unknown being a burden" ring to it, which is probably the mother of cognitive dissonances for related outsiders.

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  10. Every socio i know is a violent immature asshole.

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  11. When you feel you love someone, more than they love you, it will make you crazy.

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  12. I think over time this lady learned that she can operate comfortably in this relationship. Assuming she is an empath and given her well-written piece she has some brains she may be able to not fall in love with him too much, which could be what she'd been doing in the past. A woman is better off in a relationship where she is not all consumed with love. If ME is seeking an empath gf I am seeking a socio bf. If one is overly empath for all practical purposes all others are socios in relative terms. In my next round though I'll switch my pet from my socio cat to a loving puppy. There's gotta be some balance in one's life.

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  13. The poster sounds like she may be equipped to pull of this type of relationship. Tricky as they can be. Good luck to her.

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  14. But how long is that gonna last, eh ? How long before the smoke comes down and she is stuck with this guy that is nothing but chaos and deception? How long before she realises that she actually needs him for the security he will never give her?

    And what then? Will she be able to just leave? Will she still be young enough? Will he let her leave? Or will he leave long before that happens ?

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  15. What's with the sudden emphasis on women going on around here?

    Lol, you say that as if we are discussing purple polar bears or some shit.

    And how about this to get you into a predictable tizzy:

    What's with most of the posts being about men all the time?

    I think over time this lady learned that she can operate comfortably in this relationship.

    She sure seems to present herself that way, sure. I hardly doubt that's the truth, though, if she was being honest with herself.

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  16. A normal or an empath woman dealing with a socio can strip herself off love in general through constant desensitizing. A friend thought hers was that divine connection when she copulated with a socio and suffered significantly while never accepting her love to him in a way he'd like to see. She managed to dump the guy at the top of her love believing that was the best thing for her psychology but giving him up felt the same as giving up love. She has not been able to fall in love again. A dozen years after the break up she looks at him and says she does not even see the same guy. She could swear this just is not the guy she was in love with. What's up with that? Do socios change that way?

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  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. The trick to having a good relationship as someone with ASPD is no longer treating them as objects, or play, but someone you consider part of you. As another reader put it, an extension of yourself. You want to see that person be happy, and succeed, because when they do, it directly affects you too.

    For me, to know that I'm genuinely loved by someone, when I can see it in their eyes and face, it's a sort of high and happiness that nothing else can quite give. Not intensity wise, it just stands alone. I try to replicate that feeling, to mirror it the best way I can. But I can't feel compassion, and since I can't, the must I can muster is stunted love. It's not that I lack the will to love them to the same level, it's that I lack the ability to.

    As for violence, yes, I'm a violent person somewhere in the core, and definitely an asshole, but I've not so much as lifted a finger to any woman I've been in a relationship with. When it gets to the point of exploding, I get out, fast, and blow some steam/let it settle. I think people who physically abuse their partners are among the worst type of scum. When you've reached that point, it's not a love between two people. It's a master and a pet, and the master has no qualms about beating the pet.

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  19. Nice comment Notable. Just out of curiosity, how old are you ?

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  20. Notable, you realize the same tactic of letting someone really in (feeling as extension and more) works with every type of people. I initially do that well and capture the socio's attention. Then noticing the guy is a socio slowly starts my brain getting involved and my body gets irked. I am not good at pretending, plus he'd probably realize I'm pretending, or would he not? How easy would it be for a woman to fake her love in you when she really cares for you but also sees the dark in you. I kind of like this socio guy and am curious whether I should level with him and tell him that I know about his dark side. WOuld that be a turn off, or the beginning of a workable relationship?

    I know a socio couple who are calling each other with love names and all gaga over each other, when you can tell this is all about social status game. He tries to bring in her gf's to bed and she tells him go do whoever you want on your own, I have no problem with that. Since both are socios they can really fake it or they appreciate each other's public display of affection to give people something nice to talk about them. Something stinky when you look at them, they act like beautiful people and they just aren't, hilarious. Once in a while they get in conflict and play their socio games against each other behind the scenes. Too bad she is good at not talking about those in detail. I miss on the entertainment.

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  21. Notable, what just happened? I thought you enjoy answering questions. Where are you?

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  22. Maybe he's out somewhere dressed as a Santa raising money for charity.

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  23. :) Yes, he does have a baby face, white beard and moustache would look beautiful on him. Satan Santa Notable. Or, maybe he is reacting to a natural lack of love from Just asking, who knows, why feed the one who thinks you're stinky.

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  24. Mike said...
    What's with the sudden emphasis on women going on around here?

    Why not? Are do you have heterosexual phobia, Mike?

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  25. Just watched The lady from Shanghai... That is one true femme fatale. SOmeone has to die for a true femme fatale. If a woman is simply attractive and is not putting out sometimes she is called femme fatale. That should be femme fatale potential till she acts on her powers.

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  26. Being a femme fatale means you have the ability to seduce someone into deadly situations. It doesn't necessarily mean that someone has to die for a true femme fatale like you say.

    There are tons of sites dedicated to dark fetish. I bet you could feed your death fetish on one of them.

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  27. Just Asking, don't tell him anything about you knowing his dark side. Keep your cards close to your chest. Trust me. He's not your enemy, but if you know too much he will switch it all up. You will be standing there confused wondering what happened.
    On the post:
    Unfortunatly, its not up to her if the relationship is going to work out or not. Its up to him. You can't change a sociopaths mind, however they are very good at changing yours. They just do what they want. If anyone wants my advice on dating a sociopath its: Prepare to give up control. Prepare to let your life go on autopilot. Take a breath, close your eyes, and get ready for the fast life.
    The only problem dating sociopaths is its harder to tell if you found a good partner. I mean as it sits it is already difficult, I'm sure all of you know. Throw in some vulnerability, and a predatorial soul mate, a boat load of manipulation, and we got a lot of confusion.
    I have to say I love my girlfriend. She claims I don't feel the capacity for love, but I think I do in my own way at least. I love anything that's mine.

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  28. I think a relationship with a sociopath is a relationship of extremes.

    In it you will feel the extremes of all your emotions: extreme love, extreme anger and frustration, extreme joy, extreme fear, extreme ecstasy, extreme suspicion, extreme warmth, extreme confusion, extreme sadness, extreme bliss, etc. The list could go on for a while, but the key word is EXTREME.

    In loving a sociopath, you will know, without a doubt, what it is to truly live.

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  29. Well said. Coincidently, I tell my girlfriend that I'm a extremist all the time. I take everything I do as far as I can take it.

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  30. ..That explains a lot, Aerianne. My first experience of love has been with my sociopathic boyfriend, I sort of assumed everyone felt it so strongly.

    I agree with you about giving up control, UKan, but I think you can take it back after a while.

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  31. This is actually my conversation with M.E.
    And as an update, surprisingly we've barely talked in recent weeks, where I more so expected him to keep track of me like he did before. Maybe he lost interest? Or maybe he figured I did and ran?
    Either way, I loved him regardless (and in a way, because) of his being a sociopath. I think there is still a person there, I don't know why someone would say different.

    And to those who wanted the ruthless stories, I try not to tell them so much anymore, but there was never violence, but a LOT of manipulation, cheating, and pathological lying.

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  32. Anon, I have been in love a couple of times before. I have experienced deep feelings of love in those relationships.

    The difference in being in a relationship with a sociopath, for me, is the wide range of emotions involved.

    It's more than just the flowery, positive emotions; it's more than just surface frustration or brief sadness.

    It's all of the emotions and experiences at a depth you've never known, whether you want to experience them or not.

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  33. Another one down. Sociopathic relationships have a high mortality rate.

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  34. "It's all of the emotions and experiences at a depth you've never known, whether you want to experience them or not."

    Oh, yes, I know what you mean. Quite painful :/ You learn a lot, though, no?

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  35. You learn a lot, though, no?

    Indeed, you do.

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  36. Is it better to be abandoned by a king, than kept by a peasant?

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  37. "Being pleased with oneself protects even against the cold. Has a woman who knew herself to be well dressed ever caught a cold? I am assuming that she was barely dressed."

    Friedrich Nietzsche - Twilight of the Idols

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  38. Mike, dude, can you tell us what the hell your quote has to do with anything? Go smoke another one.

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  39. Ukan: Why do you think your girlfriend wants to commit herself to you, when she does not think you are capable of loving her? What's in it for for her?
    No offense...just curious.

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  40. Does anyone ever wish that they could feel the kind of love that empaths feel--selfless love?
    -Magpie

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  41. 'Is it better to be abandoned by a king, than kept by a peasant?'

    i think abandonment is a state of mind that depends on the person's perception of life. I came away from my socio ex grateful for the experience. No other relationship hit my buttons up until then.
    I think that those who live for love never feel abandoned after an affair.

    Unrealistic expectation is fanciful to some, whilst abandonment is an inherent part of their expectation. So they live on, not embittered, just mourning the loss of a transient affair.

    Being kept by a peasant is easy for a woman, and a conscious decision once they've felt the all-encompassing vitality of a certain love affair, whether that is with a sociopath or not.
    So, yes, in answer to your question. Though not all women would agree.
    The propensity to over-romanticise an affair can act as a protector as well as a destroyer of the senses. A protector as it sustains optimism in the face of the pain of loss.

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  42. That's what I keep asking her. She keeps saying I'm incapable of love and that I have no attachment at all to humanity. I think she's wrong on both counts. I love in my own way. Love is subjective and I think its arrogant of people to say that what they feel is love and what I feel is not.
    I have a attachment to humanity, just not her do gooder attachment. I make them feel like they have never felt before. I give a lot of people direction and guidance. I give a lot of people pain. I make a lot of people suffer. I would argue that maybe humanity attaches itself to me.

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  43. A sociopath can destroy a person, but will never steal anything besides a shell. They will never possess selfless love, or experience what it means. Nor care to. They will remain fat yet poor.

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  44. Well i was just saying that women feel ok with even the worst fellar just as long as they think that they are ok. And a sociopath may take care of that, you know.

    Hell they'll even jump up to protect the bastard if they have it embedded in their skull that the guy is good for them.

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  45. Interesting, ukan. I'm wondering how you even let her no that you were a sociopath...or did she figure that one out on her own?
    PS do you still enjoy the relationship when she's complaing about your faults?

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  46. That's hardly unique to women, Mike.

    And there's no such thing as being selfless...

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  47. Anon, choose a name. I like your attitude and id hate to mistake you for the retarded anons that come in here.
    I'm glad that's the attitude you chose to take. Many people go through all those extremes, and poof the rogue has vanished. They don't know what to do with themselves. They never did. You sound like you must have yourself together mentally. The issue with the ones that get bitter is that they use the sociopath as a crutch for their dependency issues. They don't realize that they are leaning on thin air. Most sociopaths vanish in and out of relationships. Its sudden. Its surprising. Its surreal I'm sure. When they fall flat on their face they blame the sociopath and go on lovefraud.com pointing fingers. The reality is usually that both of those people were broken. Strong people attract strong people. The pathetic, believe me, they are meant for each other.

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  48. Just watched The Other Man. Banderas is a loser janitor, a pathological liar who impresses a married shoe designer hot mama. "Losers are brilliant at making things look pretty," he says to her husband after her death. She knew I was a loser but she still paid the bills he said.

    Sure enough, in her death bed she mentioned the night with the loser as when she was the happiest the most (as her answer to her husband's question as to when she was the happiest the most). Unbelievable.

    I guess one should have an affair with a socio to some point in her life to go to extremes. I got mine already. I have the feeling the second socio bf would not be as extreme or exciting. I am certainly ready but have not yet met one that could top the first one. What came in between were lower forms, not only I did not go to any extremes I probably ended up screwing them up a bit. Only a really good looking, really smart, and really rich socio could top. Where could I meet one like that? In a five star hotel bar in London? Milano?

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  49. She takes psychology. Its not hard to figure out if you are that close to me. She sees all the foul deeds. I'm surprised she could take it. She is a strong women.
    She doesn't complain. She has her own "no nagging policy" (she came like this!). She just calls me out on my bullshit. I try to convey my humanity out of habit and she will look at me and tell me I'm full of shit. The only time I got mad was when she did it in public to someone I was manipulating. She thought she could because it was my friend. She obviously didn't know that my friendships are not like hers. She calls me her monster. She says she knew who I was going in the relationship, and that was what she wanted.

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  50. UKan, thank you. I won't say a thing other than what I already have. Here is the thing, clearly he is not good with intimacy and he has no problem meeting easy women. I want him for company, for travels, don't want to sleep with him. I see that he is an unaware socio. He is still trying to get his relationships right with women but cannot tell where he is going wrong. I told him the very first night I would not sleep with him, and sure enough he has no problem with that. I am sort of the sophisticated intellectual he could not have access to (due to his job) otherwise, so it pumps his ego to be seen with me plus to know that I like being around him.

    The other day he says he wants to take me to a posh restaurant in London but we'll split the bill. I asked where that came from, he said he just wanted me to know ahead of time. I said I was not hungry and refused to go. I want him to be the man about paying the bills. Should I say it so explicitly?

    He calls me once in a while. I never call. I got the feeling he thinks I'm using him for money, which only meant restaurants so far. He brags about how easily he makes money all the time. So, what's the big deal with my share of food? I hardly eat half of what he eats, why should I split the bill?

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  51. Ironically, I think it is the one's who believe themselves to be mentally together that end up on lovefraud. I never considered myself mentally together in the standard sense, which is why I expected what took place.
    Are you saying sociopaths are broken, weak and pathetic? Or that some are?

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  52. Out of curiosity, when we break from you empaths do you guys keep seeking more sociopaths? Do you turn into socio-addicts or do you go for the softer type?

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  53. UKan reading your 1:29 note... I am like your gf in a way. Never nag, not my style. Instead take time away from him, I'm too busy and happy in my own world anyway. I am willing to make him happy but in my own way. So far, the only way he's controlling me is by making last minute plans. Last minute invitation to look for property he wants to buy. SOmehow he wants me involved in this decision. Amazingly he does listen to what I say. What he showed me as a sure deal the last time I told I would not want to live in such a place, and he dropped it. Now, looking at a much better place along with all the nice toys around the house. Slowly but surely we're getting somewhere. No rush, who cares, we're good activity buddies, and that's all I need in a man right now.

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  54. Some sociopaths are weak and pathetic. That's not to say they aren't clever, its just to say they have no idea what to do with all their power. They have no idea how to obtain anything but a parasitical relationship with some dumb bitch with low self esteem, or their weak family members. They have no ambition besides getting fucked up and mooching so they don't have to work. People on this site call the low functioning sociopaths.

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  55. I don't like the softer types. I attract a lot of them, as well as the 'bastards'. After the sociopath I needed to readdress the balance, and went back to the softer types. But I'm not easily satiated by any means. It's a bit of a battle between heart and mind.

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  56. UKan your question at 1:33. Empath after breaking up from a socio. I was not aware that he was socio or what exactly a socio is at the time. Looking back at what I went for afterwards... A man who had been after me for many years in the most subtle ways.. A slow planning socio it turns out, but dominated by the first in every dimension except a refined sense of entertainment (as in classical music concerts as opposed to triathlons). I never fell for him, but it was a very comfortable relationship till he wanted to get married. He did not stay when I refused marriage. What was weird is at the very beginning we had both agreed this was not a marriage-seeking relationship.

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  57. I an empath but surely not capable of self-less love. This is not a given in the definition of an empath.

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  58. "Out of curiosity, when we break from you empaths do you guys keep seeking more sociopaths? Do you turn into socio-addicts or do you go for the softer type?"

    Personally if I did break up with my boyfriend (not going to happen, however, as recent events in my life have just about confirmed) I would definitely seek out sociopaths.

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  59. Empaths aren't all the same. Love is not something you can switch off unless understanding has gone out the window and then you consciously do so. You can train yourself to not love selflessly, but there are some who are capable of it. There is always a line of course, but I am speaking in relative terms, relative to others that is.

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  60. The first time I met my girlfriend she hid some guns for me in her house. I knew I had to have her. She didn't even flinch when I asked her too. She was already dating a low functioning sociopath that was a client of mine. He left me with her to show me around town and he fucked up. She was so loyal that she would not cheat on him though. He stopped buying from me and I lost track of her. She sent me a text one day a year later and started talking. A couple weeks later I made my girlfriend I currently had go crazy and she grabbed a rod and tried to hit me. I strangled her but let her go before she died. After that I sent her a text and suprisingly she broke up with her boyfriend too. We've been together for two years she actually showed me this website ans said it would be good for me.

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  61. Your new gf sounds like a keeper. I'm an empath, and it's interesting reading how casually you weaved the strangling anecdote into your story. Do you think it ever scares your current gf that you are capable of that kind ofthing?

    -Alex

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  62. @Just asking:

    If my partner told me they "figured me out" ASPD-wise, I would consider that a threat, at the very least on a subconscious level. There's a lot of stigma to the label, and that person would be calculating my every move, trying discern what is genuine and what is false. What's tricky with that is sometimes the false moves are intended to be genuine, I'm trying, but I don't have the emotional capacity to make it emotionally genuine, just my intent.

    I'd hate to be in a relationship if I knew my partner was keeping a tally. What a dysfunctional cesspool that would be. The only way that would be tolerable is if I felt they were concerned, as opposed to calculating. Sort of, none of this nagging emotional blackmail. To hell with that.

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  63. There's pain and difficulty in every dynamic, whether you compromise and settle, or you find yourself with your emotional opposite. The belief that only stupid women go for a certain type (the 'jackass') is based in ignorance of the bigger picture, or jealousy. Human history has barely changed in this aspect.

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  64. She was scared at one point when I tried to throw her off the dock. I was just playing around, but she said I had some look in my eye that made her uncomfortable, so she fought me off. I was determined for some reason to do this prank and her fighting made me more determined. I was drunk and I let my mask fall off I think because I think she saw the look I give to intimidate people. I ended up getting her in the lake.
    When we came home she said that she didn't know how empty and evil I was. She said was afraid that I was a abuser or rapist in waiting. She said that me forcing her into the water makes her wonder what I would do if she said no to sex. I was really fucking offended. In my culture rapists are killed. It is despicable. We almost broke up on both sides, but we talked it out.
    She saw me as trying to get my way and took a stand. I thought she was playing around and took things further. It was a misunderstanding, but a good learning experience for us both

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  65. What is the big picture anon? What jealousy should I be feeling about you getting fucked over by some 'jackass'?

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  66. I think the only ex I've been with that "got" me was my beeper. She had some disarming commentary on my actions. Either she was being hyperbolic, or she saw right through me, regardless of the fact that I never validated it for her through words.

    When we were first physical, she said the intensity was intoxicating, to almost a frightening level, as if I was hungry, and feeding on her, but it felt so good she didn't want it to stop, even if it was just making out. She told me this after the fact, and it unnerved me. It sort of felt like from my perspective, as if there was something hidden I was trying to suck away on a subconscious level. It wasn't affection, but almost feral, carnal power.

    She had her own strange baggage, and during episodes of dissociation, it was like I was with the shell of the person I knew, with a hollow inside. It was bizarre to say the least.

    It seems we compensate with our limited emotions into intense passion with the few we have. Intense pleasure, happiness, anger, et cetera. It's definitely a roller coaster.

    I had someone I was with for a few months who told me one of her exs was a sociopath, and that the only reason she didn't marry him was his seeming incapacity, or apathy towards love. She loved him unconditionally, and he was a great guy so to say, but he never bothered to return the warmth. I can see someone unaware of their condition having difficulty with this, and driving their partner nuts.

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  67. Question to Notable, why do you think you find abuse to women so abominable without empathy as a factor? UKan, I am also wondering why you see rapists as the scum of the earth when physical abuse doesn't cross that line?
    -Alex

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  68. Thank you Notable. I typically suffer from excessive/blunt honesty. Have no idea what that disorder is called. It's as if I am most comfortable if all internal thoughts are out, it's as if I am the strongest and in no need of lying for anyone. WHile it is a strong position it also is child-like, and quite threatening to men, like you said. Now I understand why I kept hearing 'I'm intimidated by you."

    I should more focus on what I want and how to get it comfortably and dump this need for making myself clear, particularly because it really does not work. Honest and extreme thoughts get these 'you're lying to me' kind of stares from people. They don't believe I could be thinking like this. Happened to me so many times. I should work on a mysterious facade and save all my thinking to me (and to this site occasionally).

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  69. Because my father wasn't abusive to my mother, he was reverant of her. He taught my brothers and I to respect women. However all of us men beat the shit out of each other. So I'm violent towards men, I respect women, and despise authority.

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  70. Ukan. Jealousy from other men who can't get their leg over so easily.The bigger picture being that opposites attract and always have done.

    ReplyDelete
  71. @Just asking:

    You wouldn't want to hear my inner-commentary, anywhere, haha! There's no callous boundary from wondering whether or not I want to add creme to my tea, or stab the guy next to me in the throat to see if the spatter would hit the guest across from him...

    What you need is tact. What you're describing is a lack of social tact. It's not a disorder, it's simply not being conscientious. People care less about what's really on your mind in most situations as they care about how you act and relate, even if it means putting on an aloof or innocent facade.

    Instead of spelling out his dark side, learn it, it's vulnerabilities, and lock those secrets away. Don't use them unless it's a last resort, and never slander. Angering/destroying someone's rep without a conscience invites the worst possible scenarios.

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  72. As far as physical abuse I don't have a habit of it. However I tell everyone the same thing. Raise your hand to me and I will treat you just like I do my enemies. My ex raised a weapon she's lucky I let her live.

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  73. @Alex: Did I specify women? I didn't. Physical abuse to a lover is wrong for the very reasons I specified. It's not a matter of conscience, it's a matter of betrayal. When you cross the line into violence, especially habitual violence, the relationship is no longer safe and respectable. It's a cage.

    Like UKan said, raise your hand to me, and I'll treat you like any other enemy. You're no longer a potential play thing, you're a obstacle, and I'll crush you. So what does that have to do with a conscience? It more correlates to what length someone without a conscience will go to when you cross them.

    I had a roommate who had a stalker, that eventually became her boyfriend. Big fella, six foot six, somewhat heavy. He was emotionally abusive, which bugged me as I had to deal with all the whining and tears. She came back one night crying, and my girlfriend told me she had bruises on her back. I had a good rapport with the guy, and I waited about a week. We went out to some hodunk bbq place, had some brews and food, I paid. When we got back out, I beat him with a tire iron, and had to stop myself before I killed him. I told him if he ever came to my house again, I'd bury him in the desert. I left, gave him a $20 for a cab and haven't seen him since.

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  74. All this talk of relationships working out with sociopaths makes me feel sad. As though I fucked everything up because I didn't know how to handle him.

    BUT I also still think he used me from the get go so no matter what I did or didn't do the ending was inevitable. I'm obviously confused today...and of course he will never communicate anything to me. If I did something wrong to him I would like to have known it. What am I saying..everytime his mouth is open a lie is coming out. GOD..

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  75. Don't sweat it, Grace. There's more bad relationships than good, when it comes to ASPD. I sure went through a string of them when I was unaware.

    Some people can't let their guard and defense mechanisms down in regards to their lover. They've forgotten how to function without them. Chin up :)

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  76. The sociopath's self-protective antenna suggests extreme sensitivity of a kind. It sort of comes full-circle. Would you not agree?

    'Some people can't let their guard and defense mechanisms down in regards to their lover. They've forgotten how to function without them. Chin up :)'

    Yes.

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  77. Grace, it's a blessing it didn't work. Don't get me wrong I'm on the socio spectrum and often think it'd be nice to have a long term relationship-someone like Ukan's girl, but for the part everything I'd do would be based on deception and working on convenience. If you are looking for a normal empath relationship, well, being with a sociopath will leave you forever frustratedd, always searching and hoping for a kind of devotion that won't materialize. Plus, if he is the type who wants to manipulate you...one of his close people, well there is really no way that can go in a direction that would be verygreat for you.

    By the way, this is hungryghost. My password isn't working.

    ReplyDelete
  78. "The sociopath's self-protective antenna suggests extreme sensitivity of a kind. It sort of comes full-circle. Would you not agree? "

    I look at it this way. Everyone has buttons. Most of mine don't work, and are hard to find. But when you find those buttons, it really sets me off. Sort of, a limited but extreme type of sensitivity, and very reactionary. Violence towards someone I care about or are loyal is one of them

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  79. I think your failing to see the big picture. Opposites do attract. You also attract people at your own level mentally. People that are with abusers and moochers are fucking pathetic. Its up to you to pull yourself out of it and become someone who's exceptional.

    ReplyDelete
  80. ^ That's for delusional anon

    ReplyDelete
  81. I wasn't talking about abusive men.
    But thanks for the reminder.
    My father was abusive to my mother and I have a very firm stance on abuse in general. Moochers too.

    ReplyDelete
  82. What were you talking about?

    ReplyDelete
  83. thanks peeps. i have to go out for a while and be with people..I'll go to the pub up the block. sitting around on a sociopath blog isn't helping:/

    ReplyDelete
  84. I was talking about sociopaths. Some would call them jackasses by default since they lack those certain things some deem important.

    ReplyDelete
  85. No you were telling me you weren't stupid.

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  86. Touche. Perhaps you misunderstood me.

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  87. "Because my father wasn't abusive to my mother, he was reverant of her. He taught my brothers and I to respect women. However all of us men beat the shit out of each other."

    Please explain why women deserve more respect than men.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I understand you very well

    ReplyDelete
  89. I'm sure. Isn't that the sociopath's go-to line when they really don't?

    ReplyDelete
  90. 'Please explain why women deserve more respect than men.'

    People who give respect deserve it back. It's simple. Whether a whole gender deserves respect just because of gender is perhaps not the point. We are all people and I believe in treating both genders with respect.

    ReplyDelete
  91. What, understand? Who knows?

    ReplyDelete
  92. Do you know how he got you?

    ReplyDelete
  93. My willingness to have fun? Shame on me.

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  94. I have a feeling anon is getting ready to be served a light course in the UKan Cafe.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Oh, god, UKan. You ignore every comment/question I address to you. :(

    ReplyDelete
  96. Being anonymous means if I say anything that makes me look bad nobody will know it was me. Cowardly, I know. I do go by names everywhere else.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Then call yourself, 'WatchoutItalkshit.'

    ReplyDelete
  98. Then call yourself Coward. Problem solved.

    ReplyDelete
  99. "Then call yourself Coward. Problem solved."

    Was that supposed to be offensive somehow? :/ I always thought it was a sensible approach to life, really...

    ReplyDelete
  100. No, it wasn't meant to be offensive, it was to be taken as a literal. Not too many people would forget the Anon named Coward.

    ReplyDelete
  101. How about "Necessarily_Discrete"?

    ReplyDelete
  102. Rich coming from you. You spend your life hiding who you are.

    ReplyDelete
  103. "Not too many people would forget the Anon named Coward."

    But the point is that I don't want anyone to remember me :p I'm not exactly a likeable person. Sooner or later I'd annoy someone - as I already have done.

    ReplyDelete
  104. If the way I was treated by my ex, was how his parents treated him, I can see why he is the way he is.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Your not anonymous to me. I've met you quite a few times. I bet I could figure out who you were on a different site.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Why are you afraid of rejection

    ReplyDelete
  107. I don't know. I have several possible explanations, but I couldn't possibly know which one is correct.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Do you feel the same if women reject you?

    ReplyDelete
  109. Yes, it doesn't particularly matter what gender they are. Why?

    ReplyDelete
  110. I'm curious. Have you been rejected by a group of people before?

    ReplyDelete
  111. Yes. How'd you guess?

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  112. Anon, most of us say shit that makes us look bad at one point or another.

    The beauty of this site is that it's expected.

    ReplyDelete
  113. Yes, we are all a bunch of unruly students with no teacher.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Maybe you look for someone who shares your rejection. Someone who has to hide who they are because society rejects who they are inside. Maybe you think that it is safe because someone like that won't reject who you are and doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Maybe you found that refreshing. However its also just painting over peeled paint. Its a dangerous emotional distraction. Its especially dangerous when someone uses it to have power over you for their own misguided whims.

    ReplyDelete
  115. To the woman who wrote the original post - Twice you referred to this man invading your dreams and haunting you through them. I hope in reality you know that this is impossible. Don't lay that much power and blame on him. You create your own dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  116. No, I'd rather nobody else had to suffer rejection. I feel safer with sociopaths, yes, but actually because they're more likely to be honest about their opinion of me so long as they have no reason to decieve me. I don't really care if people have power over me. It's what I tend to crave, actually. I have that, at the moment, and he didn't use the fear of rejection once.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Its interesting that you fear rejection, but you sought someone you thought would be honest with you. Its also interesting that he wasn't, but you couldn't see it.

    ReplyDelete
  118. "I don't really care if people have power over me. It's what I tend to crave, actually."

    That's what I'm talking about with you wanting to think he has power over you when you're sleeping and the content of your dreams.

    He doesn't.

    ReplyDelete
  119. There's nothing wrong with giving up power for some people. Its who you give it up to that makes the difference

    ReplyDelete
  120. It's easier to deal with. And if you're referring to the person I said has some power over me... you have no reason whatsoever to think he's lying.

    ReplyDelete
  121. "That's what I'm talking about with you wanting to think he has power over you when you're sleeping and the content of your dreams.

    He doesn't."

    What? No, that wasn't me.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Sociopaths have their areas of expertise and power over those who are weaker, but they are not Magical Daddy Sky Gods.

    Plus, the weaker you are, the sooner he will tire of you.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Ok, anon, if you and the original poster are different people pardon my confusion.

    Still you both have in common the desire to believe the sociopath you are involved with has more power over your life than is realistic.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Do we? I only said he has some power over me. Not how much.

    ReplyDelete
  125. You, or some other anon, just said that you crave that "people" have control over you. If that wasn't you, no need to respond to the comment.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Yes. How does that indicate the amount of power a particular person has over me?

    ReplyDelete
  127. Why are you backtracking?

    Because admitting you like to be overpowered makes you 'look bad'?

    Is that it?

    ReplyDelete
  128. No, because people seem to be completely misunderstanding what I'm saying. I can't see why though. :/

    ReplyDelete
  129. I suggest that "anon" learns herself and why she is motivated in her behaviours before she try to tackle understand any other human being, least of all a sociopath.

    ReplyDelete
  130. Take your time and explain yourself clearly, Anon. No pressure. This isn't live or face to face.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Really. I would love to, you know, because I used to understand myself quite well until someone fucked all that up and revealed everything I'd been in denial about. There's little point, because I don't truly know anything about myself and never will.
    Social interaction is hardly me trying to understand anyone. I just happen to need it, being human and all. And thus why I remain anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  132. That wasn't aimed at you, Aerianne, by the way :/ I thought I was explaining myself clearly, so I can't really do much more.

    ReplyDelete
  133. You are Anon. I understand you.

    Another anon here.

    ReplyDelete
  134. I would love to, you know, because I used to understand myself quite well until someone fucked all that up and revealed everything I'd been in denial about.

    This is the silver lining of the sociopath cloud. Even though it seems like it's made of mercury.

    Don't back away from it, use it. Become strong.

    He didn't fuck it all up, it was already there. He just brought it to the surface.

    The mercury would probably be useful in a power measurement thermometer anyhow, since you want us to know precisely how much power you like to have/not have over you.~

    ReplyDelete
  135. Are you still with him

    ReplyDelete
  136. Well, I know, but I think I was better off that way than wondering who I am for a good year or so. I'm sick of it.

    And no my point was I never said how much and someone claimed I was lying to myself about it with no evidence. That sort of thing annoys me.

    ReplyDelete
  137. He just brought it to the surface.

    I should qualify that and say that the experience with him brought it to the surface, not him.

    Sometimes people give other people, especially sociopaths, way too much credit for what happens inside their brains.

    ReplyDelete
  138. Why did you get defensive about being a stupid bitch for being with someone who is a mooch or a abuser?

    ReplyDelete
  139. Really. I would love to, you know, because I used to understand myself quite well until someone fucked all that up and revealed everything I'd been in denial about. There's little point, because I don't truly know anything about myself and never will.
    Social interaction is hardly me trying to understand anyone. I just happen to need it, being human and all. And thus why I remain anonymous.


    How does all that make you feel anon?

    ReplyDelete
  140. I think I was better off that way than wondering who I am for a good year or so.

    It probably would have happened one way or another, eventually. Better sooner than later.

    If you try and get back to that time when you felt you knew yourself, without having faced this new stuff you are learning about yourself, you are inviting the same thing to happens all over again.

    Because, after all, you would still be the same person.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Anon, if I may, let me point out to you that you just spoke an entire line of what amounts to utter bull hockey.

    You said you knew yourself very well until the socio pointed up all that you'd been in denial of.

    What you thought you knew and understood about yourself was an illusion. I know this because you stated in the same sentence that you were in denial about much.

    This was prior to the socio cracking you open.

    Back up. Back way the fuck up and learn yourself. You are too confused about who you are to be in a relationship.

    You are toxic.

    ReplyDelete
  142. I didn't. That was a different anon. :p

    ReplyDelete
  143. lmao. People trying to know themselves. So passe.
    Get a grip woman. If you don't know yourself you shouldn't be in a relationship. People are so pedestrian.

    ReplyDelete
  144. UKan said...
    Why did you get defensive about being a stupid bitch for being with someone who is a mooch or a abuser?


    Your so sweet,UKan.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Christ.

    People, we are all anonymous here, whether we use a name or not.

    It's hard to address this stuff when no one knows who anyone is talking to.

    Just put any old name in the name/url field, leave the url blank. No big deal!

    ReplyDelete
  146. Why are you responding then?

    ReplyDelete
  147. This anon is having a merry old time and playing a cat and mouse circle jerk with us.

    Fuck off.

    ReplyDelete
  148. You act like a mouse that's just been squashed Anon.
    Grow some balls for heaven's sake.
    Don't come here for sympathy. What is so hard about understanding yourself? Why people stay on the merry-go-round of 'Who am I?' is beyond me.
    Take time out. Look at the world. And for Christ's sake don't whinge about not knowing yourself. Go learn.

    ReplyDelete
  149. "Why are you responding then?"

    You referred to something I'd said. Your fault if you decided I was someone else.

    "This anon is having a merry old time and playing a cat and mouse circle jerk with us."

    No, I'm not. I'm miserable and incredibly tired due to it being 3.15am. I've answered questions. I've been honest (too much so). That's all.


    And Jennifer, I rarely look for sympathy.

    ReplyDelete
  150. People in denial spend their time circle jerking themselves. You get caught in their circle jerk if you swallow the bullshit they tell themselves. My original point is that people deserve each other. If you are mentally unhealthy you will attract someone who is as well. Opposites attract on personalities, but not when it comes to state of mind. It is rare, not impossible, but rare for someone to be secure and set, but be with someone who is mentally unstable. Denial is not mentally healthy. Denial allows lies to race past you, because you are already lieing to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  151. I don't see why any of us would respond to someone who refuses to cooperate by typing in a screen name.

    Go fuck yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Confusion in sociopathworld...lol

    ReplyDelete
  153. Screen name, just for you.December 23, 2010 at 7:21 PM

    "I don't see why any of us would respond to someone who refuses to cooperate by typing in a screen name.

    Go fuck yourself."

    Well, I was going to, but I thought it'd just confuse people further.

    ReplyDelete
  154. I haven't read anything you said. I was focused on someone else. You must have a lot in common. What's funny is I injected a insult into my story to flush out people of this nature.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Not confused. Bored as hell by you.

    ReplyDelete
  156. 'And Jennifer, I rarely look for sympathy.'

    O.K that's admirable at least. I just want to know what this mystery is about yourself that you don't understand? What did this man bring to the surface? Did he convince you that you're crazy?
    He made you crazy? No one can do that if you already know yourself. Then again, you may have already been mentally fragile. Nothing wrong with that if you learn what that entails and work with it to your advantage.

    ReplyDelete
  157. My guess would be that she now see's herself as he saw her(a stupid bitch)maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  158. *takes a puff off a stogie*

    It's the Goddamn Anonypocolypse up in this shit.

    ReplyDelete
  159. It's preferable to dealing with GRK anon types that call everyone a faggot or a slut, at least, instead of actually talking about anything.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Screen name, just for you.December 23, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    UKan. Here (I can quote the bloody times if you really want.):

    Me:
    "Oh, god, UKan. You ignore every comment/question I address to you. :("

    (Discussion initiated by TNP about 'investing in a name' about why I chose to remain anonymous)

    UKan:
    "Your not anonymous to me. I've met you quite a few times. I bet I could figure out who you were on a different site.
    Why are you afraid of rejection"

    (Further posts involving no anons other than myself)

    UKan
    "Maybe you look for someone who shares your rejection...etc"

    Me:
    "No, I'd rather nobody else had to suffer rejection...etc"

    UKan:
    "Its interesting that you fear rejection, but...etc"

    I'm sure you can figure it out from there.

    Unless you just somehow imagined responses that didn't exist...?

    And if you think I'm lying about THAT just scroll up and look for yourself.

    I'm not delusional, or lying, or trolling, or trying to be uncooperative, or annoying, or boring. Actually doing my best to avoid all of that.

    But thank you so very much for reinforcing my beliefs.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Happy Fucking BunnyDecember 23, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    I just threw up in my mouth.

    This one is jerking you people hard.

    ReplyDelete
  162. I suggest you stick around and learn some more and go do some reading about your specific issues elsewhere. It's your call. No one will want the best for you more than yourself. Maybe see a therapist, even just a couple of sessions can help.
    She's not jerking anyone Happy Fucking Bunny.

    ReplyDelete
  163. Lol, Note. You're quoting from our special Bible aren't you?

    ReplyDelete
  164. Screen name, just for you.

    I Hope you find what you need.

    ReplyDelete
  165. I'm not delusional, or lying, or trolling, or trying to be uncooperative, or annoying, or boring.

    Uh-huh.

    *yawn*

    ReplyDelete
  166. Screen name...

    Anon above has given you good advice. Sometimes life can be difficult to sort out.

    ReplyDelete
  167. Screen name, just for you.December 23, 2010 at 8:03 PM

    Sorry...everyone. I didn't mean to annoy anyone. Really, really sorry. :(

    ReplyDelete
  168. No need for that. You just need to learn about your weaknesses and strengths and about what is most important to you in life and how to get it. It needn't be so complicated.
    You are as welcome here as anyone. Ignore the haters. They'll always be a few. But if you act like mouse, you will get squashed. Be confident in yourself. I'm sure you have some great qualities.

    ReplyDelete
  169. I think that if I met another sociopath that I was attracted to and who was highly self-aware and wanted to make a go of things with me, I'd give it a shot. I'm incredibly resilient and the two socios I've been involved with were pretty different from each other but each had their own merits. One was unable to draw true power from his talents, just messing in dramatic parlor tricks and fucking around. The other one.... was more settled down and controlled(and a bit older) and I think way more self-aware.

    I agree with Grace that I'm kind of bummed, had I understood what I was dealing with I believe I may have been able to to deal with that relationship way more effectively. All my assessments of sociopathy up until I stumbled across this blog were based on the less capable/low functioning descriptions. *sigh* Too bad, really, I would have been good for him, I think, in the long run, also. And I enjoyed so much hanging out with him and...well, I won't even get into the sex.

    So, yeah, for sure, under the right circumstances I'd go for it.

    Anons running amuck! I find it terribly difficult to figure out WTH is going on with so many anons. If you Anons would just pick a new name daily you'd still remain anonymous, but there would be a thread of conversation that one can follow.....

    ReplyDelete
  170. You were the original poster?

    ReplyDelete
  171. Of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving.

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  172. Have any of you watched "Jekyll" with James Nesbitt? I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

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  173. Still in the middle of my Breaking Bad marathon.

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  174. Speaking of Breaking Bad, I want to strangle his wife in the worst way.

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  175. Guys i think your getting narcissism and sociopathy mixed up, psychopaths are physically violent, they havent even got the smallest of regard for others, they are impulse ridden, selfish to the core and violently aggressive, what are you "good" sociopaths?

    ReplyDelete
  176. I'm a sociopaths, and i can honestly tell you if someone broke into my home now with a gun and was going to kill me and my family id tell the guy id kill them for him if he let me live.

    ReplyDelete
  177. Yes, she's really starting to grate on me. Ten times more annoying than Carmela.

    I think it's mostly the fact that she's playing the Mommy role to Walter, like he's some idiot (which of course he is, but she doesn't know that).

    Plus she seems pretty fucking sireny/manipulative. Female/wife stereotype. Insulting.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Hey Mason (what a unique and non-obvious name!), I recommend you look around the site and lurk for a bit and read some comments before you spout out such uninformed crap.

    And welcome!

    ReplyDelete
  179. Oh my fucking god. Here he goes again. Shut the fuck up "Mason". Go be bad in real life. This is just an internet blog. Real sociopaths are out killing their families you pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Yall can blo me im da realezt

    ReplyDelete
  181. I'm a ninja mutha fukin' psycopath!

    ReplyDelete
  182. Mason, honey, do you need a friend? You sound like you need a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  183. Guys i think your getting narcissism and sociopathy mixed up

    Did you learn that in your psychopathy coloring book? I never could stay in the lines, because I was just too much of a violent bad-ass.

    ReplyDelete
  184. I'm more badder than you are! Mommy tells me what a big bad scary super socio I am every time she pins my cape to the top of my jammies.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Eh, regular troll parading as a rookie idiot, yet again.

    ReplyDelete
  186. Yesterday I was a king and tonight I'm super socio.

    ReplyDelete
  187. Good for you. Now go listen to some more Prodigy.

    ReplyDelete
  188. b-b-b-b-but.... i AM THE FIRE-STARTER!!!!!

    Wahhhhhhhh!

    ReplyDelete

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