Friday, June 19, 2009

I'm looking through you (part III)

Reader:
Hey. I'm so glad that you responded. Last night we were out with friends and he got drunk and stoned like the night I described in my first email. He started acted very "sociopath-ish" again(i e in the cab he told me that he hated being in a taxi b/c he wasn't in control because he wasn't the one driving), things like that...

He tends to pick fights when he's had some drinks so we began arguing, He is relentless and seemingly never grows tired of it. When he gets like that it's as if he could talk AT me for hours. On the other hand, I'm emotionally drained after these encounters.

After some fighting, I eventually just came out and asked him if he thought he was capable of loving me. He actually got furious (which rarely happens). And a little choked up. And his response was "Aren't I giving you what I need? I try so hard to give you what I need. I give you everything I have." My response to that was that I knew that he tried (I feel like he REALLY does) but what if I wanted to be loved? He said that he had what it takes to love, that he was in the process of getting there, and that you have to "work" hard to get what you want sometimes. I almost started crying at that point b/c as an empath you know that you don't have to "try" to love someone, you just do. It just happens. I think he desperately wants to be loved, TO LOVE and to have all of it.

I am definitely going to watch the movie that you suggested. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about sociopathy. I have no idea what I want from him, and I'm constantly questioning what it is he gains from me (I think it's the companionship, and also the sex). Part of me is telling me just to walk away, but as I said earlier, I think he is just too interesting, and I really do care about him.

You can absolutely publish this or my previous email. I would just prefer that you dont use my name...initials work or something. I would be happy to help since you've already helped me a ton. Thank you so much for responding. I was really happy to see a response today from you.

36 comments:

  1. I think you have to take all things on these sites with a pinch of salt, there's a lot of ego in knowing you can respond as you'd like to, not as you would in real life. You can be the coolest most homicidal guy in the world, the coldest, heartless chick, the best user, the worst being, it 's not really a person, it's the concentrated essence of what that person might want to be at that moment. They stutter, have spots and are five feet high in reality. Use your own mind, and your friends, if you don't have any, get some or jump of a bridge, or other fatal vertical drop.
    Smiles!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey that was funny!! I also think anon has a valid point there....this is after all cyber space so i don't think people should take everything on board to the letter..however i personally have always been a trouble maker i getted banned from most places just for the fun of it when im bored. However..fortunately for me im not spotty, short or fat..if i was i'd have taken that vertical jump without any hesitation years ago!!! It helps to be pretty!!! Shallow as that it..,,its the world we now live in.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have experienced the fascination with the sociopath. They are absolutely an interesting sort. Eventually the deception and passive cruelty are too much for the very empathic to take though, after a while it's you or them...

    ReplyDelete
  4. In addition, at one point I think I would have chosen him overy myself. I was in a trance or something, the whole curiosity killed the cat bit...

    ReplyDelete
  5. scarlett, You are an idiot, there's no cruelty, and if you didn't make demands there would be no deception, you just need to show up on time and lie down on the bed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well anonymous, I am no idiot, and I am typically punctual, but perhaps you are correct about the rest. I am trying to keep an open mind, but sometimes I feel things, despite my best efforts. I do think that a lot of it was my own fault though. I fell for my own invention, what I wanted him to be, instead of accepting what he was. My earlier posts were lame and pathetic, apologies.

    ReplyDelete
  7. For the record I did show up on time and lay down on the bed, or something like that...And I tried extremely hard to never make demands, and to understand, and to deny my own empathy. I feel weak that I could not succeed. I envy his lack of empathy somehow I suppose. I am here, still trying to figure this out, still trying to understand.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You can wish for a temporary hold on your feelings, I'm sure it would do you some good, go drink a pint of tequila. The person you're feeling for has no emotion. The bed is the extreme of their feeling, and we're very good in bed, because we don't feel much, sex is great, and it's always better for you, which we hate you a little bit for. If you still feel sympathy, you can come and stay with me. I'm good in bed too.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So all I have to do is deny my empathy and make no demands (so I will have to accept my own worthlessness), and then I could potentially have an amazing fuck buddy until they discard me? OHHHH! Sweet. I love tequila.
    I mean how can sociopaths want to be accepted and appreciated as they are by people who seem to disgust them? My empathy makes me weak and stupid, correct?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes and no, we despise you and think of you as weak, yet, usually there is a part of us that recognises what we lack. That ability to fit in to the normal world, the ease with which you get on with people without having to constantly struggle. Your world of casual friendships is one we fear and crave, if we could adapt to your world, we would be high achievers, instead we have to make compromises just to talk to people. It's the frustration at such a seemingly small step, that we can't comprehend. There's no cure, no treatment, the damage was done long ago, and if we hate you enough, there's nothing we won't do to you. Go away, quietly, even so, it won't be easy, we're intelligent predators.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous is not a sociopath, just impersonating one.

    "Go away, quietly, even so, it won't be easy, we're intelligent predators."

    How melodramatic...

    Scarlett, honey, get out more. Guy gave you a good ride and you are obviously still interested even though you know what you are getting into. Go with the flow and chill out. Stop over analyzing things. Sociopaths are always attracted to those with their share of problems anyways. Nature programmed us a certain way for a reason.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yes I am still interested. It is just difficult to go with the flow when your friends think you are crazy for continuing to interact with someone who has been pretty shitty at you. But it is true I am over analyzing. The conflict is my friends will basically kill me if I keep speaking to this person who they think is "psycho". I get out plenty,I am very attractive, but I don't relate well to many people. So that is probably what attracted him to me. And here I am over analyzing again. Blah blah I am stopping now, yeah I am going to go meditate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey, your friends mean well by saying something once about their perceptions. By telling you more then once and getting indignant about it they are telling you they think they are better then you. I would suggest, don't take anyones bullshit. Sociopaths make people show their true colors one way or another. Dump the friends that put you down for your choices... because they aren't your friends in the first place.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thunderball said: "Sociopaths are always attracted to those with their share of problems anyways."

    You've explained my first marriage explained in a nutshell. lol

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt that way about anon. I was about to type up a comment about it, but there was really no point.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I don't necessarily think that Anon was impersonating a sociopath.

    He did seem a bit dramatic, though. Perhaps drama is something he enjoys: the same way someone enjoys debating using sensationalism. (i.e. sarcasm and jokes about the person they're debating against or the person's position. Or all of them together.)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think that anon was most definitely impersonating a sociopath, whether he realized it or not. Furthermore, I think that particular anon is an idiot. How do you feel about that, LOOD?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Personally, Anon above me, I'm somewhat twisted in the middle.

    It's odd how I come across people who'll say that sociopaths are 1) serial killer-like (obviously not true.) 2) monsters 3) bad people with the ability to be nice 4) not monsters at all 5) just people who are different from the general population when it comes to morality and "right and wrong"

    The term is so loosely defined I am not ready to pick up an interpretation ergo, I cannot really judge whether or not he was impersonating a sociopath. I suppose it all depends upon your own interpretation of the term, right?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Scarlett my dear...i haven't the attention span to read all your posts...so forgive me if i missed anything...here is some of my useless advice for you, because i think you need a womans advice...KICK HIS GOD DAMN ARSE!!! NEVER NEVER NEVER!! LAY DOWN AND SPREAD YOUR LEGS JUST BECAUSE THATS WHAT HE WANTS!!! JEEZ WOMAN!!! Omg i just can't believe what im reading!! This guy just needs a good slap to put him in his place, if he slaps you back hit him with something heavy. Then put your foot on his head and tell him exactly what it is you want!! If he still can't give it to you...move on to the next!!!. This may sound harsh but its worked a few times for me...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Scarlett ive been thinking about you for some bizaare reason...if only i could take you out to a party and teach you a few things about how to get ahead with men.

    1. always remember... the female of the species is more deadly than the male. What we lack in strength we certainly make up for with slyness. Hell have no fury like a woman scorned and all that shit...
    and behind every good man..theres a woman!! bla bla bla All very cheesy but all true!! (in my opinion anyway)
    2. Always allow a man to under estimate you without compromising your personality or your "boundaries". Drawn that big invisable line from day one. Yeah lay down your law!! Tell him the consequences and follow through if he steps out of line. Never undermine yourself by backing out with your consequences!! It comes very easily to me, its hard for me to explain. Let me try it this way... for example most men like sex..am i right? So if your guy wants it.. make him work for it...if you know what i mean. Make the chase interesting for him, let him have you on your terms but also allow him to "think" he has you sussed. You will be able to secretly have a good old giggle....then again thats me talking lol and i never stay in a relationship long enough to meet the parents!! lucky them hey!!!....this may not be your style. Give it a go though....oh and NEVER apologise for your mistakes for the sake of pleasing, people can like you or fuck off.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lol Tink! I am typically a pretty strong woman, but I have been thoroughly mind-fucked, doing things I can't even believe myself, weird stuff. I met this guy in a very naive state, I married really young, then divorced after six years, so I was pretty new to dating. I never saw this coming. I am just trying to pull myself together, but the experience left me very interested in sociopathy. I visited some of the victims groups but everyone was just whining and bitching and it got TERRIBLY annoying. I hate myself when I get that way.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I just like to read people who are speaking honestly about how they see things and feel (or don't feel?). It gives a bit of clarity, and I am a fan of clarity. I don't care who or what you are just don't fuck with the people who try to accept you. That's idiotic.

    ReplyDelete
  23. And oh I am so annoyed because I know I have come off as such a slutty idiot. I have no problems kicking ass and taking names with men, I know how to maintain the mystery too. My friends get so annoyed with me because guys are always declaring love for me and I just want nothing to do with them. I am not even exaggerating, it's constant and horrible. I honestly think maybe I am pretty warped because I actually loved a lot of the sociopathic traits in said guy. I found it attractive. I think I identified in a way. And so I ended up hung up and obsessed, because I never like ANYONE. And I was irritatingly crazy about my sociopath. Im telling you the man was good. I don't know how I will every enjoy sex again.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Scarlett chick...don't panic!!! There are PLENTY and i mean PLENTY of great sex toys on the market these days, you can browse discreetly online, pick what you like, have it delivered and play til your little heart is content, then when its over, no need to wait for an erection...because it always stays hard!! yippee!!...plus there is no wet patch for you to lay in after, you don't have to meet its parents..it can't get you pregnant, no need for protection because you know where its been, no silly pillow talk (not that i do that anyway..other than to point score and give some tips for next time)and last but not least a vibrater can be thrown in a drawer when you have had enough, doesn't answer back or leave the toilet seat up...plus you will orgasm everytime without fail. Id be lost without my vibrater, i get horrible and moody if im sexually fustrated. Go on scarlett treat yourself with a brand new toy!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ha, you're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  26. LOL!!! Tinkerbelle you are indeed awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Should I get one that actually looks like a dick or is that bizarre? Hmmm....

    ReplyDelete
  28. No, wait, I found one that looks like a ladybug, I'm good.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Try them all Scarlett!!, its a good idea to have a collection of toys in a sex "toy box" hidden under your bed or something...then depending on your mood depends on the selection of toy! You can even get clit stimulater's!! nipple stimulater's, double anal and vaginal vibraters, pocket vibraters that slip into you purse disguised as "lipstick" or vibrating knickers if you get a bit bored at work (you can pop to the ladies toilets for 10 mins)...be as greedy as you like and get the whole lot. I did. lol...p.s don't forget the tingly lube...tryst me you will be in heaven and all without the need for a man! Happy playing babe!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. vibrating knickers and tingly lube-noted

    ReplyDelete
  31. Tink talks tough, but if she found a guy who fucked well and didn't put up with her shit... well, she would probably still boil her skin in the tub to feel.

    ReplyDelete
  32. LMAO Thunderball....stop reading my diary!! Are you calling me an "unfeeling" person? Come to think of it, maybe you have a point lol, if i could find a guy who fucked well and didn't put up with my shit id be on my best behaviour for him...(most of the time)...as if a guy like that even exists!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.