Question from a reader, my answers are in bold:
I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago because after many lies I became suspicious and logged on to a few of his accounts and found out that he had also been cheating. This man told me he loved me within 3-4 weeks of meeting me. Has constantly told me how beautiful and sexy I was. Had a sex drive that was incredible. We could have sex several times a day and he would still masturbate. He could have orgasms one after the other up to 4 in a row. During all of this he was seeing another woman who he had started an affair with prior to me once a week at lunch. He wanted me to have his baby, wanted to move in with me. Said I could stay home with the child and not work. Everythink that I wanted he swore he wanted too. A little farm in the country, yes, organic food, yes. He knew my ex had pushed me to have an abortion so he was going to have his vasectomy reversed so that we could have a child together. This is a classic example of how sociopaths are so inherently flexible. They have the ability to become whatever they want. Whatever you want, if you strike their fancy. I mean, really, what are the chances of this man wanting a farm in the country, organic food, etc.? Clearly a sociopath.
All of this while lying constantly, texting other women on a regular basis, having a long term affair with another. He is a heavy pot smoker, heavy drinker. He believes he is very intelligent. The things that make me question whether he was a sociopath are that he was in the navy for 8 years. The military would be a good "legitimate" outlet for his destructive, thrill-seeking ways, and power-seeking behavior. He probably didn't mind taking orders from one person as long as he knew he could lord it over another larger group.
Married for 10 but she left him because of his constant lying, pot addiction and bursts of anger. She said it was like dealing with Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. He has a great job now that he has had for several years and seems to be fairly conscientious about it. He screws off a lot but he has a lot of responsiblity and seems to take it seriously when necessary. Yeah, high-functioning sociopaths do this. They have a concept of not defecating where they eat. They will keep certain things stable in their life and find outlets for their deviant behavior in ways that are less likely to backfire on them.
After breaking up with him he denied for several days even though I had written proof and then went from being angry and mean to begging me to give him another chance from one hour to the next. He swears that his D day for being the man that I deserved was when he was moving in (just a few after I caught him) but I assume it is all just more lies. I mean, what is a lie really? Sounds like he wants you in his life, just maybe not on terms that you would prefer. What do you want to hear from him? That he is dedicated to you in his way? Sounds like he is. That he can be dedicated to you in a way that normal people can? Sounds like he can't. What role does honesty have when you are asking him to be someone he is not or else you will take away something very valuable to him. Wouldn't we all "lie" to prevent that from happening? Even if just to ourselves? Did you ever lie to yourself in the relationship?
Does that sound like a Sociopath or is there something closely related that has more bearing? Sociopath, although you have given me just a handful of choice facts. Who knows what is really going on in his mind.
It really shouldn't matter but for some stupid reason if it is based on an actual condition maybe I don't have to feel like such an idiot for buying into what he was selling. Were you an idiot? Am I an idiot if I watch an inane blockbuster movie and get a few laughs? Maybe you were just enjoying yourself. At least the sex, right?
He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world and swore I made him a better man but his actions were so the opposite. See, why would you go questioning the fact that you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Can't he think that and behave as he did? If he is a sociopath he can. Is his behavior really so inconsistent? I mean, polyamory is not for everyone, but it's not so out there. I'm just saying, does it matter more to you how he feels about you and how he treats you? Or what he does when you are not around? Does he have to be his "real" self all the time? And if he was, would you even like him still?
I am self diagnosing him but I thought I would look for a little feedback.