Sunday, June 7, 2009

Am I a sociopath? (part 3)

I'm going to publish the responses from our questioning reader in roughly the same time sequence that I received them and responded so you can get an idea of his thought process, which may be very familiar to a lot of you:
One other diagnosis I'm considering is Aspergers Syndrome. Everything I said in my last email is true, but I lack the ability to blend in socially that I've read most sociopaths have. I'm oblivious to non-verbal communication, and there are many quirks that set me apart from those you might consider normal. I may simply share the emotional detachment, and a few other traits, with sociopaths.

Honestly, I'm very confused. I would see a professional, but I have a problem with authority figures even though I find myself seeking some kind of validation. I'm not sure I could be honest with doctor, even if I tried--even if I thought I was being honest. As I said, looking into myself isn't something I'm very good at.

About being a sociopath... do you experience no emotions at all? This isn't how life feels to me. It feels to me like my emotions are filtered to the point of being beyond my comprehension, like an engine silently powering all of the logical mechanisms in my personality. To be honest with you, I didn't even recognize them until a phase of drug abuse cracked my ego. Coincidentally, it was the first time I realized I could be wrong and recognized that rationally, I wasn't the smartest person on the planet.

Anyway, that was several years ago, and I've come to recognize the existence of my emotions, but I can't embrace or express them because they're quite terrifying. They're very primitive... very simple and extremely powerful. To me, this doesn't really fit with what I've read about sociopaths. It seems like it may be a) an autism spectrum disorder or b) some kind of developmental disability. I find it hard to believe that a true sociopath could be made aware of his own feelings through drug abuse, though I suppose anything is possible. What's your take on this?

Thank you for your response. I'm glad you took the time to make one.

43 comments:

  1. wow...and i thought i was fucked up! LMAO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What kind of awful person are you? This as serious problem for this individual and you and laughing? Do you have any idea what it feels like to live like this every single say? No. You don't. So shut the fuck up.

      Delete
    2. Damn bro, you mad

      Delete
    3. I really don't think our friend here knows where he is.
      NOBODY CARES, 7:01.

      Delete
    4. i though the first comment was comical but y get so made i agree with the comment above NO BODY CARE

      Delete
  2. Aspergers sounds way more realistic for the person you seem to be. The logical basis of your thinking is very, very aspie in nature. Analyzing everything over and over and over is aspie, but not at all sociopathic. The powerful, out of control emotions are also aspie. Welcome to the club if you are aspie! It's not such a bad place to be!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't care about what label you fit into. The technicalities only matter when it comes to understanding yourself, which you're quite close to doing. Just embrace. You may fit sociopath here, aspie, there, you may even have some psychopath in you. Use those as tools to discover traits as you are. Don't stress the label. Everyone fits somewhere in between most labels anyways. Most of the sociopaths on here are mostly sociopathic anyways. Like me. I'm a sociopath with a sense of self. I'm an introverted sociopath. How's that work. It obviously makes me different in other ways. Hurray for labels. Just use them as the tools they are. And don't try to fit in. You aren't normal. That emotion thing sounds like an issue you should keep looking into though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I myself, have been labled a socipath, a psychopath, bipolar, skitzo, and even OCD, but when reading a forms of information on everyone of the disorders, I actually fit into all of them....which says to me that I'm either something else all together, or, I am the single most fucked up person alive....yet I've come to realize that I am who I am and that I don't care what others think of me, I personally pegg myself as a skitzofrenic psychopath who manages to inspire most people I meet to be who they are, because I don't hold anythign back and tell this up front, fuck them if they run, most people are amazed by it though.....the real question is DO YOU think YOU are a SOCIOPATH?

    If so, then that is how you see yourself, which in turn might make other people see you that way to....it doesn't make you a bad person.

    And I know my spelling sucks! lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad I read this page before commenting further because I was going to say something about the wide sprectrum of labels and how everyone fits into all of them or most at least. If everyone were to read thorough descriptions of every disorder they would find something to relate to in all of them. Kind of like horoscopes. When I first was sent to a therapist in high school they diagnosed me with what I like to call alphabet soup: PTSD, OCD, ADD, etc. I was like, okay so what now? But the truth is it doesn't matter. I think the farther along the OCD spectrum you are the more compulsive you get about finding a neat little label to fit everyone into. And personally, I think you're pretty far along that spectrum seeing as how you wanted to sterilize all the disabled and make the whole world neat and perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, and Tink, I think you should mix up your comments every now and then and sometimes post as Captain Hook or maybe even the Chesire Cat.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Apart from hurting people (which was NEVER my cup of tea) you soun just like me. I was diagnosed with an emotional immaturity disorder with psychopathic personality traits. To you it was drug abuse, to me it was love. I have fallen in love with a very special person at the age of 20 and she cracked me open. That's when I first realized there was much, much more to anything, life, God, knowledge, me, emotions, etc. I never recovered since. I went from extremely emotional to the point of crying every morning after hearing a sad song on the radio, to totally detached and unemotional like now. Trying to fit in is the single most complicated thing to do. Like you, I'm brutally honest. And I'm just starting to realize that people never liked that, but they were silent about it, because it was the truth. Last year I got beat up heavily a couple of times after which I moved away. I couldn't believe how much hatred had accumulated under the surface. When a chance presented itself, 20 people were more than willing and ready to kick and punch me until I was all covered in blood...

    Josh

    ReplyDelete
  8. Diangosed
    - General Anxiety Disorder
    - Severe Social Anxiety
    - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
    - Major Depressive Disorder / Dysthymia
    - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

    Almost Diagnosed (peace bitches, I'm out)
    - Bi-Polar Disorder / Cyclothymia
    - Schizoaffective Disorder (?)

    And A Blend Of The Following
    - Antisocial Personality Disorder (Mostly Sociopath, some Psychopath)
    - Schizoid Personality Disorder (Apathy, Anhedonia, Avolition)
    - Avoidant Personality Disorder
    - Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (I do enjoy a *FEW* of my compulsions)
    - Borderline Personality Disorder (un poco)
    - Paranoid Schizophrenia (un poco)

    The great thing is it's always inconsistent; each day is a new adventure. Some days I bounce from super Empath (I'm talking Indigo Child/ Starseed/Psychic Empaths) to pure psychopath, where it's all you can do to keep the wicked grin from crawling across your face... Some day I'll get the pleasure of obsessing over some minuscule event many years ago. But most days, I just want to march the beat of my own drum and not give a flying fuck about anyone else. And so I do and I don't.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i see my self in some cases but not in others for me its like i can turn on and off my emotions at will and switch from emotion to emotion

    ReplyDelete
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