Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I'm looking through you (part I)

Question from a reader:
Hi there. Thanks for your blog. It's been extremely helpful and informative. I'm about 65% percent my boyfriend is a high functioning sociopath, or at least has tendencies. We've only been dating for about 3 months now. I began to catch him in lies after a couple weeks, things just didn't seem to add up with him. I consider myself a very empathetic and sensitive person, so I feel as if I caught on pretty quickly to all of it. I thought it was compulsive lying, or pathological lying so I went online and started reading about all the symptoms of sociopaths. I didn't really know anything about them before now. He's fits many of the characteristics, although he's not violent (that I know of). Extremely charming when he wants something, impulsive, manipulative, inability to tolerate boredom, ADD, behavior problems in school, difficulty with authority, narcissism, etc, etc.

We got drunk/stoned together a couple weeks ago and all his/these behaviors were completely exacerbated. It scared me and I tried to break up with him the next day. I basically confronted him, telling him that I thought he was dis genuine, wasn't sincere, I thought he was "acting" with me some of the time. I didn't come out and say I thought he was a sociopath but danced around it. He denied all of it. He's gone out of his way to win me back. Laying the charm on thick, being sweet, kind, etc. Sometimes I feel like it's just a game to him, and I'm playing along. Sometimes I do think he's genuine. We're still hanging out though. Is there anyway that he's not aware he's a sociopath? That he understands that he's different but doesn't quite know how or why?

He fascinates me. His reactions and behaviors are really interesting, and feel that he's so smart to be able to fool people around him, and just keep up with it all. Since I"ve confronted him, the lying has seemed to stop or be toned down. I think he's aware that I can see through him sometimes. I guess I really want him to admit it to me...and least some part of himself. I think he's comfortable with me, and wonder if he's ever told anyone. I doubt he has. I know that you don't know him, as everyone is different, but perhaps you can shed some light on the matter for me. I guess my question for you is: isn't it exhausting putting on this act in front of me (and the world))? I've given him plenty of opportunity to be somewhat honest with me without being judgmental. Wouldn't he just want to be truthful with me, I feel as if it would be a huge relief? He must be so lonely and telling someone might alleviate some of that. Part of me feels like he's very scared that I'll walk away if he tells me..which doesn't add up to me since I thought he wasn't supposed to care about anyone else? Maybe it's a pride thing and it will hurt his ego if I walk? Sociopaths don't have the ability to love, but it seems as if they have the ability to be fond of, or like someone at the least?!? Is that right? I guess I'm just confused and needed somewhere to vent. I can't talk to my friends about this. Noone understands what he's like unless you spend a significant amount of time with him. He is usually very kind to me and I really care about him but don't want to be naive, and/or a pawn if that's all it is to him. I understand that he will never feel the same as me, but will he feel anything toward me?

Again, thanks for all the information. Your blog has been the most real and NON scary site there is out there about sociopaths. I read the Sociopath Next Door and pretty much flipped. It seems rather exaggerated. Your site has been extremely helpful and insightful for me. Keep it up!



  1. It's probably tiring for him at least sometimes, but generally sociopaths have no other choice - their real "personalities" do not fit in with society's norm, so they could not function without manipulation. After doing it for a long time, however, it really shouldn't be all that tiring any more.

  2. Why do you answer questions? Why would a sociopath do anything that helps some onelse with out some self-benifit?

  3. well thats obvious isn't it??...imagine the self satisfcation the author of this blog gets from all of the "followers" flocking to this site for his perls of wisdom...that must be a massive ego trip!!..then again i could be really wrong...i personally check this blog daily without fail...(even when im pissed as a fart) im almost addicted... wow this guy should do "sociopathworld" merchandise!! how cool would that be!! jeez im so dosed up today Does anything i type ever make sense.

  4. No it doesn't Tinkerbelle, and you're really annoying. But I'm sure you know that.

    Anyway, I agree, this blog is awesome.

  5. I think Tinkerbelle is pretty entertaining. If she annoys you, that's even better. Keep it up, Tink!

  6. Yeah anonymous I AM SO ANNOYING!! AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING SHIT so fuck you!! how about that!! If your going to start name calling at least have the bollocks to post your God damn name!!....yeah and i will keep it up because im damn good at being ANNOYING im anything but boring so.... la la la la la la

  7. Tink...yes im back!!! ta da...June 19, 2009 at 1:54 AM

    oh and whilst im being UBER ANNOYING (this is all for you by the way anon because i will only get worse, so thanks for pointing out the OBVIOUS) read the next post...there was actually some logic in what i said...i quote " im sure he enjoys an audience"...same as ego tripping in my book...who doesn't love a ego trip!!! lets be honest here it makes people feeeeel good!!

  8. No there's no effort, it's easier than telling the truth, he wants you for the convenience of sex, but not for any of the complicated stuff, like, actually having a relationship. Hiding, disguising, creating fantasies for other people to follow is pretty easy if you don't have any attachments to them. Doing it to someone you already know is easier.

  9. Can i just try and point something out here!! Empaths aren't divine creatures either!! No offence guys but there are always going to be "players" out there who want as much sex as they can get with as many different women (equally women who do that to men)..does that make them a sociopath because they have hurt another persons feelings? I don't believe it does. It can make them a jerk though. Everybody is capable of behaving like a complete ass. I do it frequently...(as some of you may have noticed lol) So i don't keep on waffling il try keep it short..i guess what im trying to say is people should stop jumping to conclusions and self diagnosing people who have perhaps treated them badly. You can't be sure whether that person just "isn't that into you", but could however treat another partner who they were better suited to great! If someone is that upset in a relationship then get out of it and find someone who treats you how you want to be treated. It really is that simple!! Get glammed up girls put your high heels and go OUT!! This is a big wide world...plenty of people out there!! Smooch as many frogs as you need to! just don't stay with them. And thats my useless advice for today...its 9pm where i am and im off to party!!!!! toodle pip.

  10. Tink said: "Yeah anonymous I AM SO ANNOYING!! AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING SHIT so fuck you!! how about that!! If your going to start name calling at least have the bollocks to post your God damn name!!...."

    The wrath of Tinkerbelle unleashed at last!!! I pity the fool who dared mess with you!

  11. This reminds me of me. One day, out of the blue, I saw my friend kissing his girlfriend and I instantly became interested in him. I don't think it was because I liked him. I just wanted something to work at. I wrote down how to get him to date me in a journal and I had forgotten about the journal until four months after. I realized subconsciously, I did everything on the list and he had asked me out. When I started dating him, I realized I had no feelings for him as a friend or girlfriend. So I just ignored him. I guess this wrong but I don't feel bad about it. I just tire of people very easily.


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