Question from a reader:
Hi there. Thanks for your blog. It's been extremely helpful and informative. I'm about 65% percent my boyfriend is a high functioning sociopath, or at least has tendencies. We've only been dating for about 3 months now. I began to catch him in lies after a couple weeks, things just didn't seem to add up with him. I consider myself a very empathetic and sensitive person, so I feel as if I caught on pretty quickly to all of it. I thought it was compulsive lying, or pathological lying so I went online and started reading about all the symptoms of sociopaths. I didn't really know anything about them before now. He's fits many of the characteristics, although he's not violent (that I know of). Extremely charming when he wants something, impulsive, manipulative, inability to tolerate boredom, ADD, behavior problems in school, difficulty with authority, narcissism, etc, etc.
We got drunk/stoned together a couple weeks ago and all his/these behaviors were completely exacerbated. It scared me and I tried to break up with him the next day. I basically confronted him, telling him that I thought he was dis genuine, wasn't sincere, I thought he was "acting" with me some of the time. I didn't come out and say I thought he was a sociopath but danced around it. He denied all of it. He's gone out of his way to win me back. Laying the charm on thick, being sweet, kind, etc. Sometimes I feel like it's just a game to him, and I'm playing along. Sometimes I do think he's genuine. We're still hanging out though. Is there anyway that he's not aware he's a sociopath? That he understands that he's different but doesn't quite know how or why?
He fascinates me. His reactions and behaviors are really interesting, and feel that he's so smart to be able to fool people around him, and just keep up with it all. Since I"ve confronted him, the lying has seemed to stop or be toned down. I think he's aware that I can see through him sometimes. I guess I really want him to admit it to me...and least some part of himself. I think he's comfortable with me, and wonder if he's ever told anyone. I doubt he has. I know that you don't know him, as everyone is different, but perhaps you can shed some light on the matter for me. I guess my question for you is: isn't it exhausting putting on this act in front of me (and the world))? I've given him plenty of opportunity to be somewhat honest with me without being judgmental. Wouldn't he just want to be truthful with me, I feel as if it would be a huge relief? He must be so lonely and telling someone might alleviate some of that. Part of me feels like he's very scared that I'll walk away if he tells me..which doesn't add up to me since I thought he wasn't supposed to care about anyone else? Maybe it's a pride thing and it will hurt his ego if I walk? Sociopaths don't have the ability to love, but it seems as if they have the ability to be fond of, or like someone at the least?!? Is that right? I guess I'm just confused and needed somewhere to vent. I can't talk to my friends about this. Noone understands what he's like unless you spend a significant amount of time with him. He is usually very kind to me and I really care about him but don't want to be naive, and/or a pawn if that's all it is to him. I understand that he will never feel the same as me, but will he feel anything toward me?
Again, thanks for all the information. Your blog has been the most real and NON scary site there is out there about sociopaths. I read the Sociopath Next Door and pretty much flipped. It seems rather exaggerated. Your site has been extremely helpful and insightful for me. Keep it up!