Thursday, November 6, 2008

How to "manage" a sociopath or narcissist

Although I mentioned in a previous post that I think people can have happy and successful relationships with sociopaths and narcissists, I do think that there are ways to manage their behavior or to help them manage their own behavior. Here is my response to the previous post:

Yes, your friend sounds like a sociopath or narcissist. You should actually be hoping for sociopath at this point, because they are much easier to reason with. Narcissists are completely self-deceived. They don't think they are different than empaths, just better: less likely to be duped, a leader among mere mortals, that type of thing. They like situations where other people are dependent on them, whereas sociopaths like people to be enslaved to them. Narcissists are motivated more by a need to be loved and admired (acceptance/respect), sociopaths are motivated by a need to be respectfully feared and in control (power).

Your friend sounds like more of a narcissist than a sociopath from your description. I've found that most sociopaths, like people with Asperger's, are aware of their condition, even if they may not know what to label it. Because your friend is refusing to admit to himself that his personality fits the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum traits, that suggests to me that he is a narcissist. He could also be a particularly low-functioning sociopath, meaning poor self-awareness and poor impulse control. Those type of sociopaths are the ones that go to prison, so you are justifiably concerned for your friend.

Either way, the "treatment" I would suggest is the same: redirection and distraction. This info is taken from a poorly edited book with some decent information called Just like his Father?. It discusses how to parent sociopathic children, but the principles can apply to everyone dealing with a sociopath.

The book describes how to teach impulse control. When children are preverbal (before a child can understand and use words), the only impulse-control tools are redirection and distraction. "Redirection is the creation of an appropriate setting for the expression of impulses. Distraction is the process by which attention shifts away from undesirable impulses." An example of redirection is a child who wants to play with your car keys or phone. You don't want the child to play with those objects because he may break or lose them. You can redirect the child by giving him fake keys or a toy phone. "By providing your child with substitutes, you acknowledge his desires as legitimate, set limits, and teach him to direct himself in a way that is productive rather than destructive." An example of distraction is when a parent tries to "distract a crying child by cuddling him and making funny faces. In this exercise, the child learns to shift attention from a negative feeling state to a more positive one."

After children become verbal, most toddlers use language to strengthen their impulse control. "Watch as your child picks up the previously mentioned keys or cell phone while repeating to himself 'don't touch mommy's keys' and 'don't play with mommy's cell phone.' Commanding himself to put the objects down requires a great deal of effort. You may notice that the commands your child gives himself are identical to the ones you have given him. . . if you have witnessed this process, you have observed the building blocks of conscience . . . once the conscience is fully formed, the process of verbal command over impulses happens automatically. The child can stop himself without thinking about it."

I would say that most high functioning sociopaths are stuck at repeating to themselves "don't touch mommy's keys" with a great deal of effort. As they routinely do this in a particular area (e.g., don't tell people they're fat), they may develop a habit and not have to think so much about it anymore. But obviously if you have a friend whose lack of impulse control is leading to self-destruction, the friend probably isn't even at the don't-touch-mommy's-keys stage. That's why i suggest redirection and distraction, if possible.

Your friend has legitimate needs and wants, and you want to be sure to address those and not alienate him by criticizing his basic self/needs: "By providing your child with substitutes, you acknowledge his desires as legitimate, set limits, and teach him to direct himself in a way that is productive rather than destructive." You need to find out what his needs are, and cater to those needs in non-destructive ways, or teach him to do that for himself.

I don't know what non destructive substitutes may be for your friend, but you should probably prioritize in your mind which of his less-than-desirable behaviors are the most harmful to him, then focus on those. Otherwise, it would be like your friend trying to quite heroin, alcohol, sex, porn, cutting, smoking, and bulimia all at the same time. Not possible. You have to prioritize.

I suggest your friend reads The 48 Laws of Power. It's sort of a sociopath's bible about how to cultivate power, but I think it can also really help narcissists become more self-aware and sociopaths have more impulse control.

Hope this helps.

88 comments:

  1. If your friend is a Narcissist, use base flattery.
    Narcissists have a weakness, hence can be easily controlled.

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    1. Narcissist trumps sociopath . It hapoened to me. Thought he was a sic too but I never confessed . Got whayvi could but I lived him and let guard down. I pulled pretty memorable exit. He's a cop. Normals ate easy. Narcissist can pass but after 10 years I let my parasitic lifestyle allowv him to slowly discard me. At least sicippaths have standards . HUD crazy ass family has had each arrested and worse . They're wealthy . Anyway watch out . Uve still hit some tricks up my sleeve . I got hum on a total attack . When we are fuvked over we xan act like wer are cool but he will pay one day.

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    2. Consitter for a moment they that don't have a conscience make up 4% of the population. 96% of us wouldnt be able to even percieve what it is like to not have a conscience. The psychopath hence cannot percieve at all what its like to have consciece anyway. They see eveybody els as so weak, so dumb, so wrong, and they turlly do mean and believe what they are telling you and the way they think is correct to them when they seem to be bullshiting you or manipulating you, like wise for us (96%) Don't get me wrong, I've had the privillage of a psychopathic older half brother (almost twice my age), and I've been through the works. Were they born this way?--and is it their fault? Were they transformed into this?--then what pain would they have gone through at one point? Well I dont think the profesionals even know anything about it, let alone the answer to that one. This is just the philosophy I've settled on. Give a thought, I hope It will help.

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  2. If you really want to "manage" a sociopath. Get in another sociopath.

    Sometimes it can be quite a fun little challenge for us, a usurper can give other sociopaths a bad name and we love putting them in their place.

    Either way you get what you want out of the deal, while we play it out to "manage" the other we leave most other things alone.


    Lisa

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    1. Thought I had marries one but I felt I was the bigger soc. I guess I lived him. Found out I was with a narcissist who I allowed to eventually control me somewhat . Be careful with them. He fucked me up pretty good but I burned the bridge badly. Trying to be nice and leet him win cuz he's got me but I will ger him back for disloyalty . Sorry for bad spelling . Old iPhone . I just hare to lose. Stick with normalss. .ithallened to Me.People

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  3. Getting another sociopath would be interesting. If you know of one I have sociopath mother we could put together live next door to each other. There is no way to repay her for what she did to me and sisters and brothers; ran over with a tractor, put in oven (on), stuffing shit down our throats, locking up in dirt cold cellars, freezing, starving,and alone. Put her grandchild in an oven. I saved my brother twice, grandfather saved me, step father saved my son...how many didn't get saved?

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    1. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONEECAN AND UKANSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:25 PM

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    2. Full of shit fuck

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  4. why would anyone want to manage a sociopath, i thought i was trying to manage a troubled soul for some years, once i realised he was boring empty self loving sociopath, i was OUT of the pictures as fast as my little legs could carry me. you cant manage these people. all that makes them happy is destroying everyone, cos life is a game to them. what the hell are you doing trying to manage such idiot madness? i have waaay better things to do and so should u. perhaps it inflates ur ego, oh im too bored to go on...

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    1. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVESeptember 26, 2013 at 5:26 PM

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  5. Anyways, you can do my method by getting people overhead with the narcissism and make him greatly lower his self - esteem and then work it up instead of down

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  6. This is to the person who wrote the above BULLSHIT/MAIN ARTICLE OF THE WEB PAGE!! You obviously haven't got a fucking clue about how damaging to other people a narcissist can be. They use up and constantly psychologically injure and FUCK with the heads of their victims. They constantly try to make you feel worthless. They leave a trail of damaged victims in their paths and never show any sign of being truly sorry or remorseful for it. These people are extremely sick in the head. Anyone who would even suggest flattering/kissing the ass of a narcissist is in my opinion a FUCKING STUPID NARCISSIST THEMSELVES. Don't spread your fucked up advice to other people, because if they actually accept what you have spouted here as good advice. It will only cause them further pain and damage. I tend to believe that all pain and misery in the world is caused by Narcissit's, Sociopaths and Psychopaths. The only way to eliminate the pain these FUCKING ASSHOLES cause other people is to line them all up against a wall and SHOOT EVERY LAST FUCKING ONE OF THEM!! No one would ever miss them, the world would be a much happier and better place. The majority of pain in the world would dissapear completely and the rest of us/THEIR VICTIMS would be far happier people. NORMAL PEOPLE HATE THEM!! These assholes actually drive large numbers of other people to suicide because those people just can't handle any more of their shit. Or they may drive their victims to commit murder and KILL THEIR SICK FUCKING ASSES!! If you took all of the Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths and put them on an island that they couldn't get off of, they would steadily kill each other off until only one was left. Then this person would probably commit suicide because they would have no one else left to FUCK WITH. HELL LINE THEM UP AGAINST A WALL, GIVE ME A GATTLING GUN WITH AN AMPLE SUPPLY OF BULLETS AND I'LL SHOOT THE FUCKERS!! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM, AND I WOULD DO IT FOR FREE. These people are SICK and they enjoy, nay they take great pleasure in hurting innocent people, other people are objects to use for their own desires. THAT'S IT. THE SHIT YOU ARE SPOUTING HERE TELLS ME YOU ARE EITHER A VERY NAIVE/STUPID PERSON, OR A FUCKING NARCISSIST YOURSELF. IF YOU ARE THE LATTER OF THE 2 I HAVE JUST ONE THING TO SAY TO YOU. If you are so unhappy with everyone else in the world, which shows by a Narcissist constant fucking CRITISISM OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, then SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD AND SAVE THE REST OF US A LOT OF PAIN. OH YEAH, JUST ONE MORE THING. FUCK OFF AND DIE NARCISSIST!, NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE.

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    1. Lmao... Gotta save this one.

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    2. huh, I dont think a narccisist would get anywhere with me, mind games just dont work with me, probably because im not good at understanding subleties, but,I dont get upset with people, I can get irritated if the right button is pressed, in that case the narccisist is in trouble and had better run befor I get out the meat-cleaver.

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    3. As a Narcissist, I'd like to point out that your arguments are not even slightly based on fact. Clearly you've never been intimately linked with a true narcissist or you would understand that the situation is much more complex than it seems. Also, your grammar is atrocious. Luckily your use of vile profanities makes your post sound truly enlightened.

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    4. So anonymous...enlighten us! For the sake of complexity, tell us why we would endeavor to try...

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    5. Why? Because he has 3 beautiful children that I adore and cannot be separated from. Which is EXACTLY what my brother would do if I didn't do my best to manage him so I can be in their lives. They are emotionally and mentally abused by him and, most of the time, all they have is whatever comfort I can bring them. I take them whenever I can and try to keep them with me most of the summer, which my brother loves because then he doesn't have to be bothered by them.
      What do you think would happen if I criticized him? Ever try telling a narc that their parenting skills are lacking?

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    6. This is the best thing I have ever read on the internet. Sign me up for a holiday on Psychopath Island and get that man some bullets!

      xo Magdalena

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    7. wow, just wow...

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    8. can someone please just help me and answer a question...Im in love with a sociopath. I did not know at first, until I started to question some things, a lie etc... I was discarded like we never existed...well I figured all out, its not my only experience with a sociopath. Im am sick also, OCD, to just name one...I was angry at first, but I realize he has no control over his pathological lies and manipulating for control. He knows I know what he is, he wont respond. I want him back, I told him I will keep his secrets and plan on telling him I will never question him again, or check up on him and that he still has the power over me. The scientists & doctors that have studied their brains feel there is some hope of curbing their tendencies and possibly helping them to feel some level of emotion, wmpathy etc with medications & therapy. Ive also read most sociopaths don't want help and like being the way they are, cant miss what you never had... Can I get him back, and how?? I did tell him if he ever wanted help I will be here... help, Im I love him and he is the object of my obsession... yes, I know Im sick, don't need anyone to tell me that lol... thanks

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    9. I don't need anyone judging my motives, I just want him back. Will a sociopath ever consider joining forces with another person who knows what they are, but will allow them to play their games, the lies etc, and never be questioned or checked up on...love them for what they are... Im well aware its a dangerous game... how and when do ya get responses, lol... Im technically challenged here... ugh

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    10. Agreed, I recently lived with someone who had narcissistic personality disorder and it was a nightmare. He was a chronic alcoholic and treated my boyfriend like shit, continually patronizing him and belittling him. He tried to get the better of me too, but I put him in his place calling him on his bullshit. He was a pathological liar, this 64 year old man told his friends I sexually assaulted him, he told my boyfriend he engaged in sexual activities with me, and he told me my boyfriend fondled his daughter in a bar...ALL LIES.
      This sick fuck had a photo album of woman who fell victim to him, he would get them drunk/drugged up and take pictures of them naked. He would then ad "captions" stating what heritage they came from, the date the picture was taken, and their names. It was like a trophy to him, I was sickened when I saw this album. As this sicko tried to prey on me and my boyfriend warned me of his nature he used this album to convince me to stay clear of him even though I was convinced already by his actions and disgusting behavior.
      This sick fuck was beyond controlling, he was ALWAYS talking about how "amazing" he was and what he knew. He was constantly shoving his "intellect" down our throats and trying to control all conversations directed towards him. He wouldn't listen, he would just talk at you..CONSTANTLY. He was in denial about so many things especially his drinking. He convinced himself that smoking two packs of cigarettes a day was fine, that taking heart pills whilst drinking was okay, he seemed to know more than doctors about health, he even convinced himself shingles were not infectious which he was suffering from.
      My boyfriend is still damaged by this piece of shit. He is glad I diagnosed him with this personality disorder as am I. This narcissistic fuck is a menace to society, he doesn't even care that he drives under the influence of alcohol endangering peoples lives. There are two people I hate in this world, one is this ass wipe and the other a sociopath who I will later talk about as I have been a recent victim.

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    11. POLYGAMOUS VEGITOPATHSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:25 PM

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  7. Please.. Tell us how your really feel...

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  8. Dear CAPSLOCK IDIOT,


    Nobody is innocent. And you need the most psychiatric help out of everyone else on here. Also, please review your grammar next time. That's all I wanted to say.

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    1. POLYGAMOUS VEGITOPATHSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:27 PM

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  9. Can a sociopath become a stalker? If so, what would the signs be and what can be done? Can a sociopath manipulate a counseling client to become their partner?

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    1. Yes, they can. For the fun of it.

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    2. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONEECA AND UKANSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:28 PM

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  10. The idiot above with the long winded speech and the capslock on. Ummm. I find it interesting that you took the time to actually type all that. It seems you need a hug. Or -just a thought- some medication. Good luck ranting at some people who truly do not care. MMFWCL.

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  11. The Annonymous in April is just at the end of his/her rope! He's showing the effects of having to live with a narcissist. That thing about making other people commit suicide really is true. It's taken me years to realize this, but everyone around my husband goes insane! His mother committed herself to an asylum for 2 years when he was 12, his secretary has a 6 month nervous breakdown every year (and shorter breakdowns at other times), his boss had a nervous breakdown and in on Prozac, of the groomsmen in our wedding, 2 have committed suicide and the other 4 are each on Prozac, and I'M BARELY HANGING ONTO MY SANITY!!! I can't sleep, I've gained 30 lbs., I now have debilitating asthma (am on steroids), and colon polyps! I was a healthy woman before I got caught in this asshole's web. I ran the NYC marathon finishing top 5% of women, 5'5" 120 lbs, popular, successful, high energy, etc. I'm barely hanging on now, barely hanging on . . .

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    1. I went crazy, and am also fucked up... there has been more than one to cross my path... crazier than ever from this last encounter, now I am obsessed with sociopaths, and happen to be in love with one whom I am trying to get back after he discarded me for questioning him, a lie... never addressed the lie, just flipped it on me, its my fault... lol, you prolly know the drill... Yes, I am sick as well, just in a different way

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  12. The ONLY way to come close to evening out the score with these sick-minded people is to clearly document their activity (video tape, phone record, save and time stamp all correspondence). Then, use the TRUTH against them.

    Once you have mounted undeniable evidence, expose them where necessary - to their peers, to other victims of theirs, to the community and possibly law enforcement, etc.

    They wilt at exposure of the truth. You have to mount plenty of evidence and box them in very tight though; they are very skilled liars and will stop at nothing to keep the truth from being seen.

    Know thy enemy.

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  13. Know a good way to anonymously phone record? I know it is legal in my state. I am working on the exposure tactic to ensure I don't have a prolonged custody battle with the guy thats cheating on me 7 months pregnant with his kid and guiltlessly lying about all of it.

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    1. Put your phone on speakerphone and just use a voice recorder :)

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    2. Even when you have the eviedience on paper and put it in front of them they still will say, I didn't do that.

      Delete
  14. About the long winded big fuck you message.. I thoroughly agree. Line them up and shoot them. I was one, wouldn't have minded in the least and i definetly deserved it. If it helps you heal a little.. i can't explain what it's like to be one to someone who never has been, but it is terrifyingly painful at times and numb and zombie-ish at others. There are times in a Narc's life when theyre on the up and nothing touches them, don't worry they'll get theirs..you just won't hear about it. The other suggestion of filming them and documenting them and outing them is a great one, except if they do get shamed beyond all recognition, theyre likely to make it their life mission to be as cruel as possible to destroy your life in ways you couldn't imagine or kill you, no joke. Best to disgrace them anonymously. They reap what they sow though, so please try to heal. Another narc will take them down. They kill each other. People around them do know what they are. If they don't yet they soon will. Generally and from experience i'd say Narc's are surrounded by other Narc's. Think of it like a vamp family. Their own species, cold blooded, life sucking, murderous delusional hateful and rageful beyond measure. Theyre heart died along time ago, because of cruelty to them, they are now demented delusional zombies of vampiric nature. The only way they can be cured is if there is some part of them is still a breathing living soul and if their batrayals aren't so bad they can stomach living after they accept what theyve done. It's complicated. To that poor soul who writes 'just kill them' yeah not a bad idea, i wouldn't blame you..please be careful..that's exactly how you become a Narc. You tread borderline for a long time, raging inside at the pain, betrayal, disgraceful repulsive unforgivable torture another has done to you.. so finally you turn..and off you go..obliterating everyone in your path and feeling nothing but vengence and joy at causing pain and hurting others. That's Narc's world. Please be careful.. You have every right to be murderously angry, but if you don't get professional help to expell that pain, you go Narc before you know it. It'll be years before you even know it's you, not everyone else. It spreads from one Narc making another. Please get help for your righteous anger. We care about you, you are not alone in this. You can heal from this. If it helps..hate the evil not the Narc. The evil passes from one to another an infects us all. Look at Hitler and how many thousands of atrocities, unforgiveable cruelty, it spread and spread like madness. You've been attacked by evil, your so strong your still alive! Fight it with joy, laughter and love, not darkness. That's how i fell and many others i know, it's how it works. Please seek help for your rage and please fight it with joy and love not anger or it will swollow you up and you'll become a cruel soul less deranged freak. Daring others to just try and kill you, you won't care, you died the day you gave yourself permission for revenge of the foulest nature. That's what a narc is.. that's how they are created.. They gave in to the rage and vengence, the shame and blame, and with every act of cruelty they took upon others, theyre hate grew never saited. A life as a narc?.. you will never beg as a narc.. but you will dare for death to take you as you fight visciously screaming and howling at the world and all it's pain, and the demented trapped evil that you chose to become.
    The answer to this abusive cycle is to educate good people so they know how to dump these tormented souls quick. The Narc will look for help themselves when their ready, to be cured they have long cried and punished themselves for their victims pain. Those that live their lives staying a narc, never know happiness or love or joy, horrible torment rages in their soul and minds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for this...lightbulb moment...I was one too, a narc took me out as well, I can now feel...

      Delete
    2. Can a socio turn you into a socio, sort of socio, or a narc? Does a socio have to turn you into a socio, or can they turn you into a narc, if they are a narcissistic socio? I notice my socio saying his views of people and the world wayy too much. I get its his view so he should say it, but sometimes I think he wants us to start thinking like him too. Maybe then he won't feel so alone in feeling this way. Maybe as part of his corruption, and destroy? Thoughts?

      Delete
    3. From what I read,all sociopaths are narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths.

      Delete
  15. I say kill 'em....kill 'em all..'

    ReplyDelete
  16. On 48 Laws : holy crap. I have been doing all but one my whole life. I didn't know. Huh. I suspected because I have power. I just didn't know maybe this is why. Thank you sw.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Know one but the Victum of these sick people can't begin to understand how bad they hurt and destroy others!!!! Impossible to deal with.

    ReplyDelete
  18. All these comments are good. Question is what if you do really love him and you have broken up 8times. Yes common sense says why are you back with him clearly there is a problem. Depression apart is easier to be unhappy sometimes. He was abused as a child and is lovely supportive ect at times i know everyone on here says impossible for him to love but i know he does ans i can tell when its a lie or false plus he is the one who talks about being married and babies. I would like to take more control and spin back on him the silent treatment and huffs that would come from a to year old no joke and always f**** you your loss ect and yes he thinks he is better than me and everyone in the world but i really think all the problems come from his disturbed childhood. I thought this website was tips to gain back control. I honestly love him and i have came from a good family great childhood and upbringing i know right from wrong and i know he is in the wrong at times but i do say stuff as dont take it anymore i used too. You prob think im just as nuts, sick head going by the comments made so far. How can you love someone like that? How come when you leave as if someone has died when you love someone so much but know they wont change if you could be with them and change aspects of relationship as you know real soft man is in there just needs to come out. Article its self was interesting read but physiology sites give better understanding of how the brains work. Just thought id leave comment as i agree know one will understand as you either leave or you stay and know one will ever understand the relationship that goes on until they are experiencing it for themselves xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been with someone for over 25 years and raised six children. The kids say they know Dad is crazy, buy that's just Dad. Today my youngest said she saw Dad take 2o bucks from my money. She asked that I do not tell him. When I got home I said I knew that I was missing 20 dollars. He didn't know what could have happened. I then accused my daughter of taking it just to see his reaction. After a little while he said maybe the cat knocked over the money and sure enough the money came out from the shelf he keeps his close. I had him cornered but did not accuse him instead I just kept saying I was going to talk to my daughter about taking my money. So instead of telling me he took it because he needed money he made up the whole story about the cat. Now I sit hear as usual trying to figure out how can I live with this person the rest of my life (59 years old)knowing things like this. I have so many stories, just draining to tell them. Confused smart woman

      Delete
    2. to the girl who "loves" him, how did that work out for ya? He doesn't love you and you may not love him its fake. He told you all that stuff so you fall for it. The marriage the babies he probably been there done that but tells every girl the same. I was there 6 years, broke up every week told him I was down he was nothing, gave him the silent treatment when he did it to me. There comes a point you get so lost from yourself from getting swept up in it all. That's the point. You didn't see it you thought it could work, this was written in june. Your probably all smiles because your out and realized it was all pretend. Childhood has nothing to do with it, its a crutch or excuse. One of my best friends grew up as an orphan, one of the most terrific people I know.

      Delete
  19. I would run!! I truly know what you are going through and can say that I do understand.I have just recently been through this.I have loved and been with a sociopath/ psychopathic man for the past 5 years!I thought we had built our lives together and have animals together(thank God,no kids!) Until recently when he walked out..Gone,no excuses,no reasons,or time.One day getting married and spending the rest of our lives together and the next morning packed and gone in 4 hours,forever.. I was in shock.He text/emailed me 4 times after he left and then dropped off the face of the earth.I was heart broken, devastated and completely crushed.And tried to make sense of it all. Until 1 day attempting to delete him from my computer..it actually opened up many files of his and ways for me to see much more.I was shocked! This man has been lying to me about EVERYTHING for 5 years!Said he had no family, parents were killed and no siblings.. he has many siblings and parents are indeed alive. He has been cheating on me the whole time with everyone and anyone. Signed up on ALL of the dating/sex sites,Craigslist ads for sex at our home while I was at work, you name it. Everything...I mean EVERYTHING for 5 years has been a lie!(not just the sex or women,ya,it hurts but absolutely everything a complete lie) I couldnt believe that someone could just walk away like that and behave in such ways, and having found out all that I have..that someone could live a complete lie! My therapist suggested from everything I told her that he is a sociopath.(Not so funny thing is..I remember him saying once or twice through out the years that Dr.s had told him/diagnosed him,that he was a sociopath).So I have been since,reading,researching and learning about this and why a person would be or could be this way. And everything I have read and researched completely confirms that he is.Absolutely no denying it. He was drawn to me & all my flaws that draw them to people like me/us. Now I am left picking up the pieces alone and very hurt and used. So I can tell you deffinetly I feel that you will only get hurt, RUN! I believed, and still want to believe that he did love me ..to some capacity. But when they are done and have no more need for you or the situation, etc.. they move on.. and dont care at all. Within 2 weeks he was on to someone new, and conning her. Research this type of person..you will learn alot! I would move on. Dont waste more years than you have to. And to this site and all of the "sociopaths" that express themselves on here.. Thank you so much! It has helped me alot, in closure and trying to understand him and what happened.. Because in the beginning I just blamed myself, and hated myself. Ends up(although I know I have problems..It was really him). Hope I can help someone out there..not to have to go through the hell that I have been through.. Take care all~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  20. CAPS LOCK...said it ALL!!! Thank you...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Narcissist are soul less black hearts! One totally tried to destroy my life. This one, waiting for his revenge. Happy he discarded me, like they do early! I agree put them down like the inhuman things they are! I have lost jobs because always an older woman worried about what attention she gets because I work there! Enough! They seem to surround me!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I've been dealing with a NPD for years. just ended a child custody case (for now) and what insanity. the biggest most horrific lies under oath it was incredible. then after all of the subpoenas proved all the lies, it was as if none of it was ever said. in fact she denied that even the proof was real. this person lives in a world she created in her head and has no use for reality. it just gets in the way of her real agenda. to keep a captive audience and anyone who questions it is banished because they are out to get her. paranoia is rampant.

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  51. The world of the Narc, is a place no one else can live in. I have been married to one for 17 years. The constant lies and infidelity have cost us a thriving business, a beautiful home and more than a broken mind and heart. In these past few days I have come to the understanding that if a person can't feel they will never understand the pain they inflict. I have threatened to leave so many times it became a joke, something he had to face every few months and then we would move on until the next period I made the same threats. Now he's running scared because I have put a plan in place that gives me some leverage for the first time. I was isolated from my family, alone and vulnerable. I have made the choice to move back to my family and he is besides himself, he's losing control and pulling out all the stops. For the first time he brought it too close to home and she called me. This poor fool, after a very short two weeks actually believes she can "Protect" him from me. I have been advised by his latest conquest to "Face reality and let him go" She has no idea that I've been telling him to leave for years. I watch his reaction to the collateral damage he causes and it is a blank stare or a sick smile, its all a joke. He is totally amazing in that he believes he is "The Victim Here". The one thing that seems to garner any reaction is my indifference. His importance fades and he is shut down. But in a few short hours the I love you's, I need you's and the anger again come full circle and we began the dance all over again. I have two short months to the end. He is in panic mode. For the first time in 17 years he's facing an uphill battle and he doesn't quite know how or what he needs to win. The sad thing, winning won't change anything. Having a goal, an end game for me is the strength I need and he lacks. I just need to make it to the finish line.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I feel your pain, same thing happened to me... 10yrs a lie... years stolen by a sociopath

    ReplyDelete
  53. I used to think magick was bogus but after Martin left me I felt open-minded to try it. Maybe I was desperate too. But this is real! Priest Andrew restored the love we had for each other. And now he proposed as Priest Andrew promised he would! I am your friend forever and very grateful for all of this. I will come back again, i want to let you all know that there is nothing i would have done without Priest Andrew as regards to getting Martin back and i want you all to thank him for me as he has restore my happiness. If any of you ever want to get help from him, this is his email address with which you can reach him: priestandrew91@yahoo.com, .......Katie - Orlando Fl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATH IS ATTRACTED TO MONICA AND UKANSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:29 PM

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  54. psychopath or narcs are easy to manage not like this VEGITOPATH

    ReplyDelete
  55. Npd is a fake self. Sociopaths tend to be authentic. Narcissists create a fake self due to he fact they feel inequal in a relationship therefore need to make themselves adequate, hence the fake self they create . I am 16 and know this. There is a lot of ignorance in this forum.

    ReplyDelete

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