Monday, January 13, 2014

Creating boundaries, finding outlets


A few of my socio readers have asked how to get to be higher functioning, particularly about controlling some impulses and knowing when it's ok to indulge others. Here is what another reader said:
For me it is a little different. I have a natural talent for art and I use this as a way to explore my impulses and desires without acting on them. My boundaries, sadly, are not that current. As long as I don't get caught, nothing truly stops me. There is a voice in my head that constantly reminds me of what I should not be doing, due to my possible loss in freedom, but most of the time this voice goes ignored. I can say that having a hobby, something that satisfies even for a brief moment, can aide in a form of control. My need to kill and destroy is kept in tact by an obsession I have of collecting objects that have to do with death. I study criminals, watch violent educational programming, and read as (well as collect) reading material on past crimes, violent fiction, and the like. Instead of killing animals I collect the road kill, and macerate the parts to keep the bones. I buy taxidermied creatures, and have photos of x-rays. I keep my urges under wraps by indulging what I want through Internet, books, art, and programming, everything, and I mean everything, besides the actual murder. The criminal television is the most helpful because more than half of the time at the end of the program the criminal is caught. Shows like "Law and Order: SVU" touch nearly every form of sexual perversion you can think of, so seeing it gives me plenty of joy for that moment. In "reality based" programming I hear the thoughts of the detectives, and learn that they are pretty clever and instinctive when it comes to what to look for. Regardless of what they are personally, they still get the job of capture and punish complete, and I get the point, and a tinge of hesitation.

I won't lie and say this hasn't made my temptations worse at times. Other than entertainment, I watch this form of programming to figure out what they did wrong, and how I would have done things differently to get away with it. Once I come up with a list of what they did wrong, I replay the act in my mind, committing the crime myself. In a fantasy it is always easy to assume I can get away with it, but one never knows until they try. The key is to never let it get to that point, repeating the words told to me by some associates of mine. Their words made sense.

Another thing I do, if the decision to go through with any impulse is still rampant, is to go through a mental list of pros and cons. I only get through this if I catch the impulse, which is something I am currently working on. On the rare occasions where I do catch them, I get irritated and anxious if I don't act. I can either do what I need to to calm this feeling, or walk away from it, and calm myself down. My laziness usually causes me to go through with the more damaging approach.

Example. There is a girl at my school right now that I am more than close to taking out violently. She is obnoxious, mentally deficient, cowardly, and her constant rhetorical questioning, instead of shutting her trap and listening, leaves me more than livid. Her existence does not contribute anything worthy to this planet. Even her look boils my blood, and there will be a point where my smart ass remarks towards her will not suffice. She used to sit near me, but I know she senses my distaste for her, so she has moved, which has helped. I spend half of the class daydreaming on ways to take her out instead of listening to the teacher. At first my fantasies seem more than pleasant, heavenly in fact, and in moments like this I forcibly question myself.

What will I really get out of this? Will this joy I may experience last long enough? What if this only makes my urges worse? Will I keep having to kill in order to get this euphoric feeling? Will I become a slave to my impulses to destroy? How long until I get complacent? What if I get caught? Where is my future if I do this?

My answers: Pleasure, possibly joy, who knows, find out. Who knows, find out. Deal with it when it happens. Possibly, is this a bad thing? Yes. Not that long. I may get caught, I may not. Prison, but once at the end of the road, who cares what the future outcome is.

Sadly, even after a list of logical reasoning and questions, most go ignored, but the main thing that always sticks out with me is the slave issue. I do not want to be a slave to anything or anyone, and if I fail to control my urges, I will, ultimately, become a slave to my desires. I will be living a paranoid life of never ending dissatisfaction because I'm being controlled by my need to destroy. Not fun.

Sexually my intentions are cruel. I indulge in them for the most part, but I make sure the people involved are, to some extent, willing. I frequent S&M conventions where you have people who want to be humiliated and punished, and though a little more controlled, this has helped. The fact that there is an audience helps a lot too. Being a secretive person, having an audience ruins my chances of completely acting out. Prostitutes are too dangerous to even bother with, as they are nobodies that can easily go missing, if not already, and make the temptation worse. They allow anything to be done to them, and because I don't value much of human life as it is, they would only make it easier for me to disrespect them. The people I have hurt and humiliated through sex wanted it, and what kept me from crossing that line was to constantly remind myself that I don't want to become a slave to this.

The boredom? Something I will just have to suck up and deal with, like everyone else. I don't have any successful methods for this as of yet. I still use art, but lately the drive to fulfill a finished piece isn't happening. I have some assignments that are time consuming, but after a certain amount of time, usually two and a half hours, I need to do something else. I go on spontaneous shopping sprees buying things I don't need just to do something, but being around people acting so foolish only causes my mind to race all over again with violent thoughts. I have medication that I am not taking because it leaves me awake for days even though it is supposed to make me drowsy. Not much aide in this category, tee-hee, sorry.

Is this a reverse psychological way of teaching me how to control myself, by having me write down my methods?
You sly devil ;)

If you were, in fact, clueless as to what went on here, and this wasn't a positive manipulation of yours, then I take back the credit I gave you. Have a grand day, M.E.

303 comments:

  1. I also collect death-centric things. Fun to not be the only one. :D

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  2. I don't have passions, i don't have anything to define me as a horrible or otherwise person. I don't have a personality. Things that make me feel ok are the highs i get from substances, mostly things that give me a certain ecstasy.

    I can't relate to this. It all seems so defined. I don't collect things. I am not a whole person.

    For me torturing an animal or making someone feel bad is not an integrated urge. I sometimes think about it and sometimes do it like an experiment, "Hey maybe that will make me feel nice".

    I like to fuck with my brother in hope that he might do something to piss me off so that i may punch him. Or i steal my mother's car and speed around the town with it. Yesterday i nearly crashed while i was doing 80 km/h and also nearly killed a boy and an old lady. After i got out of that situation i looked at my hand and i saw that i had not a single twitch or tremor. I felt normal.

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  3. Yawn.~ Why don't you try something bigger? Kill your brother. Crash the car. Rob a bank. Start a fight because a guy gave you the wrong change. Whatever.

    i had not a single twitch or tremor

    What's your point? I drove a car off a cliff and had the wherewithal to walk to a nearby house and call for a tow afterward. Big fuckin' deal.

    Tell me about cutting that guy's face up again. That was a good story.~

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  4. Well, i guess i could, but all those things would get me in trouble and that's what i'm trying to avoid. :-??

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  5. Fuck it. You'll be dead eventually, anyway. May as well push your limits.

    Aren't you in Romania, by the way? I would think it'd be easier to get away with things in Eastern Europe. Oh, well... guess that dream's dead.~

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  6. Yeah, no, it isn't easier to get away with stuff around here. I guess it's actually harder. We used to be in communism 20 years ago so the things aren't quite liberal here. We are on the right track although.

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  7. Postmodern your a fucking pussy.Every post i see you make you try to act like some hardcore sociopath,get over yourself.Your not a sociopath guarantee if i met you id have you eating out of a dog bowl within two days you piece of crap.Your a little indie faggot who writes blogs.Sociopaths don't write blogs they are out there ripping people off and abusing people.Another thing that proves you are not a sociopath is how much detail you can go into.Sociopaths lack insight and suck at anything technical,trust me.

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  8. I read like three lines of this post and you know what i said? This is boring.So i stopped reading it.I tell ya for sociopaths you are all easily amused.

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  9. Oh, I just meant that my understanding was that things were a bit more corrupt in the former-Soviet Bloc, so it might be easier to get away with things. Unfortunate that that's not the case.

    If you want to avoid trouble, it's quite simple. Learn subtlety, learn to hide your work. Experiment with less conspicuous thrills.

    @GRK: Mmm... you're fun. How would you get me to eat out of a dog bowl, then? Would you use your super-secret sociopath magic powers to bend me to your will? The "if I met you" argument didn't hold water in '95 when the Internet blew up, it certainly doesn't now.

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  10. Oh and GRK hit the nail on the head i couldn't agree more.Every sociopath i know is good at one thing and one thing only MANIPULATION.Everything that comes from their mouths is manipulation in some form or another.Postmodern your not fooling anyone here go write on your livejournal you faggot.

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  11. And he even cheerleads for himself. This is just too perfect.

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  12. I agree with GRK at one thing. PMS you always try to be a badass. I would love to see a confrontation between the two of you.

    Oh, and i don't think that anon is still him.

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  13. I'm going to just roll my eyes and let you 12 year olds jerk each other off for a while.~ I'm too drunk for this.

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  14. Mike we know how that would end.Who's going to win a confrontation? A loudmouth abuser with over 16 serious assault charges OR some pussy philosopher fool who writes blogs and pretends to be a sociopath? Postmodern do you write poetry in your diary too? LOL

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  15. Heh, Anon. If all the socios you know were so great at manipulation, you wouldn't realise how manipulative they were.

    I think that the guy in this post answered his own question. He's already found a number of ways to control his impulses, so I guess he is high functioning. Alot of the low functioning sociopaths are like children. They don't think at all before they act they just act, and end up on the 7 o'clock news.

    I'm also very intrested in death-centric objects(guns, knifes, swords, whatever. I think it all has something to do with power and control. I often think about how much easier it would be to make people comply with my demands, if I just had a double barrel pointed at their head.

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  16. I don't care. I would just like to see the confrontation. Even though, yeah, i guess you would win. That's if PMS doesn't roll his eyes, cause that would do a lot of damage. :))

    And "I'm too drunk for this." ...
    What is that supposed to mean? Are you to drunk to have your shitty narcissist personality rubbed up in your face ? Get over yourself dude.

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  17. The majority who post on this site are not psychopaths.As a child did you torture animals? If you didn't then you are not a psychopath.If you feel bad when something happens animals then you are not a psychopath.Would you care if your parents died? If you would then your not a psychopath.The biggest indicator of psychopathy is cruelty to humans and animals.For me it started off with insects at a very young age.Trapping wasps in a bottle shaking it until they sedated then putting them on the ground and cutting them in half with a coin.When i was around nine i drowned my pet cat that me and my cousin had bought and i tried to rape one of my aunties friends when i was six as she slept.When i was in highschool i had a notoriously short temper.An asian kid got in my face once so i beat the fuck out of him i punched him in his nose and broke it when he was on the ground i stomped him out there was blood everywhere.The principal brought me into the office and i blamed everything on the gook and made myself look like the victim lol.When i went home i told my mom a bunch of crap and she believed it in the end i was allowed back in school but i assaulted another kid five days later.Moral of the story is most of you arnt psychopaths.

    Postmodern is a narcissist there is a difference.If you fuck with a psychopath they will probably get you killed.

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  18. Any kid i ever assaulted was always physically weaker than me which im proud of because that's how a proper bully operates.

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  19. Lol fat cock. FUCK YOU. Now kill me. :))

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  20. So congraulations Fat Cock you qualify as a psycho {sick bastard}

    This is SociopathWorld, you need to be put to sleep like a rabbid dog because your life is worthless and a danger to those in society that have a purpose.

    GET SOME FUCKING HELP !

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  21. I've been reading this site for a while now and I've gathered that the pretend sociopaths and psychopaths(I don't use the two terms interchangably) 1 try to draw as much attention to themselves as possible, in a pathetic attempt to make others believe that they are what they so badly want to be and 2, they will try their damn hardest to fit descriptions of sociopaths which they've found on wikipedia(or wherever the fuck).

    Loving your parents isn't necessarily un-sociopathic. I think I love my parents, It's just a very different kind of love than what most people are accustomed too. I'ts as though the people close to me are my subjects. I take their needs into consideration, it's just that theirs are always secondary to my own. I've always thought the whole "torturing animals thing" was mainly associated with future serial killers.

    I was a prolific fire starter during my younger years, Fat Cock, so can I please join your psychopath club~

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  22. This website is getting dummer and dummer by day.

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  23. This is one big psychopath club after all.I wasn't trying to purposely say i was a psychopath all im saying is the devil is in the detail.I unlike most of you actually have a record of violence which you HAVE TO have to be diagnosed a psychopath.It's called a conduct disorder.

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  24. Fire starting is nowhere near as pathological as zoo-sadism or serious assaults on others.

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  25. I wasn't abused when i was younger but i learned how to be good at it.My grand-dad was a tyrannical bully and i was his favorite grandson.He never lay a finger on me but i seen him beat the fuck out of my grand-mother and his son when i was younger lol so maybe this could have led to my violent acts.

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  26. Now that i am older my mom calls me a scumbag and says i am exactly like him LOL

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  27. Well, I do have a record of violence. but im not convinced that it's essential when diognosing a sociopath. I mean, isn't it possible for violent child to just fly under the radar, and never actually get caught in the act?

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  28. @Doe That would obviously rule out impulsiveness which is essential.LOL it's about time someone came on here and exposed you fuckers.

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  29. No, it doesn't rule out impusivity at all. During most of my explosions of violence, nobody even botherd to call the police, so the majority of these incidents didn't even go on record.

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  30. Is fat cock boasting about getting caught?

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  31. AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! It's about time this site became more interesting. Who knows who is telling the truth. I just know that Birddick and a few others like to see themselves type and several don't understand sarcasm so maybe they really are socios.
    I agree that most on here really are just narcissists or really bored people! But who knows; sociopaths lie.
    I have been trying to get insight to the way socios think to avoid ever having another relationship with one! I think I got that down now, so now I find it fun to read the posts that are full of total shit or good ones like today! Bravo MIKE, GRK and Fat Cock!
    It's about fucking time!!!

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  32. It's not really becoming more interesting. Someone calls the socios on this site out at least once week.

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  33. @anon Calls the WANNABE sociopaths out once a week*

    Ammy your right there is no way you can tell if someone is a sociopath online anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.I think if people are claiming they are sociopaths on a site then they should present physical evidence (A repetitive history of violence,Fraud,abuse).Let's see who is just talk and who are the real sociopaths.I guarantee you'd be shocked at the results.

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  34. I have no doubt, GRK. I would love to as questions (just a few) to real ones.
    I have corresponded with a few who have been really helpful(thanks Pythias).
    There are more questions I have though.

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  35. What the fuck, GRK? You have no idea what you're talking about! You're only a sociopath if you've COMMITED CRIME?

    And what's this bullshit about hurting animals? Maybe some sociopaths simply have no desire to do so?

    God, you're pathetic. You too, Mikey.

    Oh, and PMS isn't a narcissist. He fits the definition of a sociopath quite well.

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  36. [b] hollie [/b] says:
    lmfao ok then
    forgot you knew me so well
    Glenn ross says:
    LOLWUT
    i know you?
    [b] hollie [/b] says:
    no
    sarcasm dear boy

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  37. What I don't get is your desperation to prove people here aren't sociopaths. If they're not then so what? Who gives a shit. Its just dumb to shout about it all the time. Unless of course its all some brilliant ruse to get attention, in which case congratulations, it worked, and you're something you claim to hate.

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  38. @Anon, how is GRK ANY different than anyone else on this site? Several of the "socios" have contradicted themselves several times just in the past few months. He's stating his opinion; oh yeah I forgot, you're not allowed to do that. He called out some people. Good for him. You're getting attention and so is everyone here.

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  39. He didn't call out some people he called out everyone. Narcissistic much?

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  40. kumbaya my lord, kumbaya, kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya...*sings to herself*

    boooorrriiinggg.

    why aren't you in jail RIGHT NOW GRK?????? huh? after all, a real socio should be behind bars. give me a break.

    borrriiinnnnng.

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  41. Nicely done notme. :)

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  42. GRK is obviously factor 2. Low functioners do often end up in jail, notme, just give it time :)They also tend to have lower IQ's.

    Never argue with a fool (Mark Twain) or a man who buys ink by the barrel (Ben Franklin).

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  43. GRK makes a good point.

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  44. @Pythias So im factor 2? I was shaped by my childhood and i am not a true psychopath right? If that's the case then i wouldn't have been torturing animals at the age of four? Factor 2 psychopaths feel guilt and remorse if that's the case then i can't be one.I am glib and i lack insight and emotional insight.I sometimes have to ask my friends why people act a certain way.You can stay on this site and get your narcissistic supply from CLAIMING you are a psychopath OR you could prove it.That's all im saying.If everyone who comes on this site was evaluated for psychopathy i GUARANTEE you i would score highest.

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  45. @Pythias Your lucky i don't know you.I have a friend who would gladly go half on a rape charge.

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  46. Arguing with fools is my worst habit...

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  47. Also (can't help it. :-P) I'm loving the passion and heat and anger in your posts with all their frighting capital letters.

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  48. Me too Pythias. Me too.

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  49. Ok let me get this straight, if you only beat up those that are weaker then you and you tortured bugs and animals starting at a young age, don't give a fuck about your parents and could attempt rape at 6. This makes you worth something in your eyes. Are you worth anything to anyone else?
    I'm sure your not.
    You have the emotional level of a 4 yr. old the strenght of whatever your age is and not one bit of self control.
    Well I bet you still live at home and your not someone that would be hired for any kind of ability or talent because you don't have any.
    Your like poison without any taste. You think anyone is envious of the fact that you've been going down the shitter ever since you were born. What drugs are you on?

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  50. http://mobile.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/health/views/30mind.xml

    No more narcissism, they didn't specify which other disorders were going or the window.....not in my quick skimming, anyhow.

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  51. Who was it above that asked for proof? Dumb Ass. How would someone here prove that they had committed crimes? I mean really. Tell us.

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  52. My soul is tortured like the fires of hell

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  53. Dragonlord666, explain a little if you can.

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  54. Amelia

    that link didn't work.

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  55. @grk

    shut the fuck up nobody cares...

    I dont need to prove shit to you...
    but I did try to kill my mom once but just ended up injuring my dad...oops
    I have never been caught breaking the law but I do every day..do i not count ....well now it sounds like im proving it to you ... but trust me in not....fagot

    yeah imma leave the one anon

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  56. This place has really gone to shit today.

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  57. I don't know about that I'm kind of enjoying all of this..

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  58. This is great guys. Good job GRK. I was hoping something would change someday around here. I hate the whole "LOOK at me, i am a genius and noone can prove me wrong" shit that the feelars were pulling around here.

    They were talking about stupid shit that noone reads all night and the point of the blog just went to hell.

    It was about time for a new blog order. LOL

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  59. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/29/narcissism-no-longer-a-psychiatric-disorder/

    Sorry, using my phone which often defaults to the mobile version.

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  60. the first time it happens, it's interesting. the second time--a little less. the 105th time--who cares?

    it could be interesting if we turned it into a pageant. who has the most socio traits? we could all get to vote. the winner would be crowned and spend the year on tour. maybe then this could finally stop.

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  61. And what is the point of this blog, Mike?

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  62. @Mike I agree mike nobody want's to read boring shit like this.I mean im only here a day and people want me to take over this site.You so called sociopaths should hang your heads in shame.And i love how they call anyone who is different from them "sheep" LOL.It reminds me of the goth kid in school who everyone beats the shit out of and he's like "Your all clones".Get over yourselves.When they start finding bodies under your floor boards that's when ill listen to ya.

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  63. i thought the point of the blog was "how do you control violent impulses?" not who has the most.

    if you have them, you have them. how do people keep the rage in check? that's what i want to know.

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  64. There are various interviews with ted bundy and a number of other serial murderers and not one of them can go into any technical detail whatsoever they have no insight trust me.A reporter asks bundy a number of questions and bundy replies "That's too broad a question lucky and i can't go into it in any further detail".

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  65. I think imma lock my back door tonight LOL

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  66. Total paranoia is just total awareness.

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  67. not all sociopaths are serial killers. so now only proto-serial killers can post here now?

    what's the point?

    you can't scare everyone off by being "more socio than thou." it's just another form of pissing match, and it goes on here all the time.

    so far, not many have left because of it.

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  68. GRK, you've said nothing of any intrest so far. All you have to offer is childish insults and name calling. You probably are one of those goth kids, and this is the only outlet you can find for all that pent up fustration. Or mabye your just UKan, trying to fuck with us. You seem about as ridiculous as one of his usual characters.

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  69. "not one of them can go into any technical detail whatsoever they have no insight trust me."

    No, they're perfectly capable of going into technical detail. They choose to avoid answering direct questions in order to confuse thier interviewers and throw them of balance. I do this to people all the time.

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  70. Dudes, what is GRK trying to say is that this is not an AA meeting. We don't come here to be led by someone towards the light. We come here to let loose. Brag about who we've hit. This is what sociopathic behaviour is all about. Not saying something and Postmodern saying that he is better than us and Notable writing half a page in which he says what a wonderful writer he is.

    Let's let loose. Everyone let us know of your sociopathic traits and why you believe you have them. C'mon everybody. This is a revolution.

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  71. GRK said

    I think if people are claiming they are sociopaths on a site then they should present physical evidence (A repetitive history of violence,Fraud,abuse).

    And who told you that you could think? How do you propose one present that evidence here?

    Your thought processes are incomplete and your breath stinks of aftershave. Check yourself into rehab for the holidays.

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  72. i changed my mind. this is hella fun. keep going boys.

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  73. Heh, alright then Mike. It's very icey out on the streets right now in England. Today, while on my way back from college, I saw an old lady slip an fall over on her side. To be honest, I was completely unconcerned by this, so I made zero effort to help her and instead, just kept walking. Another woman, ran over to help her and asked me why I had done nothing to which I replied "I ain't no nice fella!", she called me a piece of shit. I noticed that the helpful woman had left her bag on a wall while helping the granny, and since she had pissed me off, I took it. Now I've got her credit card, her phone and £87 in cash.

    I would say that that was the most "sociopathic" thing that I did today(minor, I know). Does it please you?

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  74. Misanthrope. i am not impressed.

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  75. Misanthrope you're lying bud.

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  76. Misanthrope, prove it. Make a cash transfer from the credit card to my bank account. I need more aftershave. My buzz is wearing off.

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  77. Im so fucking tired of all these WANNABE sociopaths here! Theyre clearly not sociopaths because they dont have my lack of insight and crimes. they're all stupid goth kids who probably didnt even pick up on my reference to a homosexual serial killer that I secretly idolize if I met any of these dumbasses id be more than willing to rape them, assuming theyre male and not female. Id also prefer them to be young, but they cant be older than 15, because Im 15.

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  78. I don't know who you are punk but I'm not a damn queer. I'll kick your ass.

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  79. I wasn't trying to impress you, notme, I'm trying to get Mike to shut the fuck up!

    Fatcock. The funny thing is, I'm not. But your the big bad psychopath around, right? This shouldn't shock you, should it?-

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  80. i wasn't impressed cos that was my bag you took.
    ;)

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  81. Blah blah blah blah blah stfu.

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  82. Also, I absolutely fucking love it when Mike tickles my rhetorical balls by agreeing with me. It turns me on.

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  83. now that's interesting. :)

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  84. Wow, you cut me real deep there Fat Cock~

    notme. Funny. [:

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  85. where has ukan been anyway?

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  86. Yo misanthrope imma let you finish,but GRK is the greatest sociopath of all time! The greatest sociopath of all time.

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  87. Probably selling some oxies.

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  88. Probably remembering when this place used to be interesting.

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  89. See? Something black always pops up when ukan's mentioned.

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  90. hope he hasn't been caught. it's been a while since he's been here.

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  91. Probably selling his asshole.

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  92. hi ukan.

    hi medusa.

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  93. @medusa I've been here a few time and this is by far the most excitement there has been so shut your trap bitch.your the kind of person who would rather study than watch a dog fight.I win again and again.

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  94. What time is it where you are GRK?

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  95. I like the let loose idea mentioned earlier. I dont mean in the sense that everyone can gloat and idolize themselves because I dont care, but I mean a place where the mask can be taken off. A place where I dont have to pretend to care about you people in order for you to still be here when i get back.

    fuuuck grammmmmar

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  96. Ahaha I think I'm starting to like this.

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  97. I'd rather watch dogs hump then fight hahah...well ok how about hump then fight

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  98. all of this is about grammar?

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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  99. grammar is so stupid

    i hate grammar

    grammer is so stupid

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  100. Doesn't a good socio "study" their surroundings?

    This isn't excitement this is your boredom manifest. How badass.

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  101. @medusa your a nerd not a sociopath go write poetry goofballs.

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  102. Thanks for the suggestion, Nigger. Right after I stab some kittens. Because I'm a badass.

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  103. this is the longest damn fight i've seen about grammar anywhere.

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  104. Speaking of goth kids.. Jeez. When I was a 19 year old on usenet in the 90s the alt.gothic message board had constant incidences that were almost identical to the ones here.

    There were the non-goth or those contemplating the existence of goth or not-quite-sure-what-they-were folks who asked "What is a goth, exactly, what do they believe, what do they like, how can I identify one?" (at the time there were so many different kinds from perky-goth and corporate-goths to doom-goths, New-wave-goths, rivetheads and romanti-goths and no one could ever settle on any sort of definitive description.

    Now, alt.gothic wasn't a place where people talked all that much about BEING goths, though there was a LOT of stuff that came up that would be *of interest to* goths. But there was a lot of chatter from goths and goth-friendly people alike on the board about their lives, their personal interests and shit like that. It was basically a coffee klatch for goths and anyone interested in seeing what goths and those to whom goths and/or goth-related things appealed.

    The OTHER kind of person that would come in and get all riled up would be the ones who wanted to prove how doom/gloom and death they really were. They wanted to wave their black freak banner higher, wider and louder than anyone else in the "room".

    *yawn* who gives a shit? If I want to read a crime blotter there are plenty of those hanging around. I think that criminal activity of sociopaths is probably the MOST easily available shit to read out there. I think that this blog is more useful and interesting than that. Are all the regulars socios? maybe not, but I tend to think(as some others do) that it is a spectrum issue and as an empath/observer I have, in a VERY short period of time made so much sense out of shit that boggled me before. My next round with sociopathy will be very different. I can't say I won't play, but I won't be shocked when things take a turn. I won't be seeking meaning that doesn't exist. I will adopt a more tit-for-tat attitude in my dealings.

    But I've seen people waving their .net-cocks around for 15 years already. whoop-de-doo. You all that show up in place full of regulars and think you're blowing the lid off of things.... well. You just haven't read the archives very thoroughly. You'll get bored and leave. And everyone here will forget you. There is a name for people who pop into established internet space only to shake things up, get attention and insult everyone.
    TROLL.

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  105. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  106. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  107. Dammit, Blogger! Stop pretending my comments are too long and publishing them anyhow!

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  108. I just think it's funny that GRK thinks he's stirred up some kind of excitement when he doesn't seem like anything other than a boring troll. All the 'excitement' has been him stomping around yelling and some guy called Fat Cock who I'm sure is impressively violent; no doubt also very smart.

    So are the posters who hang out here the scary sociopaths they claim to be? I'm not sure I care. I generally just take people at their word because people don't believe me when I talk about what I've done or seen and I don't lie about it - I have no reason to.

    People are stupid, and I learned long ago that people who I don't particularly respect are easily capable of murder and violence. I wouldn't be surprised if you are everything you claim to be GRK, a vaguely literate violent guy with poor impulse control; though I'd be equally unsurprised to find out you're a 20-something kid working a dead end job wishing his angst were more edgy and cool who gets off waving his dick around on the web.

    Whatever you are though, you're painfully boring.

    Captcha: evevilly

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  109. One of my points was that there were so many varieties of goths and sort-of goths and just people to whom the whole goth thing appealed that there was no definition that could be decided on. There was no need for people to definitively say "i'm a goth/not-a-goth/sort-of-goth/not-sure-if-I'm-goth". There were people (the most irritating) who thought their own short-sighted and very subjective experience/perspective was the be all, end all of how to define things. I call bullshit and troll, just like you, Unmasked. This kind of behavior is all to common in any kind of niche internet group, and has been, I'm sure since the early BBS system with hackers. ("n0! I'm kInG haXoR!11" "n000000, u R a p0ZeR!")

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  110. Agreed Amelia.

    I actually read your post right after putting mine up and was amused by how similar they were.

    And I also agree with the point that trying to define a classification in terms of yourself is pointless. Poking around this blog has made me think sometimes I'm a sociopath, sometimes I'm not. Just like experiences I've had. I've settled for calling myself sociopathic and leaving it there. I'm just not interested in arguing semantics.

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  111. As far as impulse control goes I generally have a high level of control now. It was not always like that though; when I was younger I had a low level of control and would lash out violently all the time. Unfortunately it took a very long time to develop control because I have always had above average intelligence and was always able to get myself out of the trouble I got into, hence no reason to change. I have done things that most consider horrible, however I thought my actions were perfectly justified, and still do. With age I think comes a certain level of control, assuming alcohol is not involved. If alcohol is involved the demon comes out to play.

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  112. Semantics are for suckers, Unmasked, I agree. I also smiled at your post. It is much more succinct than mine. My thoughts and actions aren't particularly orderly.

    Anon- I think that the consequences of certain actions, or the effort required to avoid consequences of certain acts can just become too much trouble for a lot of socios... At least it seems that way to me. I guess that accounts for the "mellowing out with age". Is it that they get better at hiding or they just can't be bothered with the chaos/danger anymore or something else? Who knows? Does it matter? Maybe not, but I like hearing about this stuff from so many different perspectives.

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  113. I have no answer for Victor. I admit it. I don't think. I just talk and blow fat cock.

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  114. i think that realizing many see me as "a very strange creature" has made me more apt to not want to judge/bully others. my own strangeness makes me vulnerable to bullying, so it's sort of a learned empathy.

    i used to torment small creatures as a child--small things, insects. it's not that i was trying to harm them. it's just that i couldn't relate to them, and the fact that ants revive after being held under water or that moths twitch when you expose them to bug spray was interesting to me. i didn't think of whether they would be in pain or not. why does it happen? that kind of thing.

    i still have problems with rage---i can be fairly hair trigger, and i'm not even sure what's going to set me off. but i also have protective urges too, and even though i'm not hugely social, i do have a desire to be around people in limited ways.

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  115. Anon

    How? How did you gain control? I feel as though I'm a slave to my impulses. When it comes to situations where I'm being provoked by someone, I think about what I'd like to do to them, and before I know it, I'm doing it. I don't want to stop hurting people who irritate me, I just want to be able to keep my anger in check, and get them later when nobody else is around.

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  116. @Amelia- For me anyways, it is likely "I can't be bothered with it." Don't get me wrong I love to destroy, my reason's need to be more concrete though, that coupled with my short attention span is causing what I perceive to be mellowing out. It takes a lot of energy to go with the flow so to speak everyday, so maintaining "normalcy" is where energy is spent leaving little else to do what I want. I have always wondered if that is a problem for most socios?

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  117. @ Misanthrope

    I generally take the "I don't care" approach. When someone pisses me off it is extraordinarily difficult to do but as long as I can go 5 min without lashing out, I generally forget about it. If it lasts longer I try to take my time and think of different ways to destroy them. For example I was mad at a girl in college for not sleeping with my buddy, he needed it he was wearing my patience. So instead of lashing out, I decided to sleep with her and treat her like absolute dirt for a few weeks and just emotionally crush her, which I did. This was much more satisfying than yelling or worse, because if i am angry enough I will use physical violence. So in the end everyone was happy, by everyone I mean me and my friend. She dropped out of college and got fat, double bonus 100pts.

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  118. "maintaing 'normalcy' is where energy is spent leaving little else to do what i want..."

    maybe that's why i tend to shy away from too much interaction. it's exhausting. must pretend to be normal now, laugh at the right point, smile at the right point, sympathize at the right point.

    i've always wondered about that natural flow that goes on between most people. it seems very emotional, very quick. it would be interesting to experience what that's like just for a day.

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  119. I will drop the mask and tell you all the truth about my life.

    Born 1944 to my uncle's sister & sold on the black market for a pair of shoes.

    I was rejected by Israeli terrorists and deported to Scotland in 1975, I have been trapped in that time period ever since. Although diagnosed 12 times as a paranoid schizophrenic I still insist that my doctors are all insane & out to get me!

    I was arrested in 1990 after a colostomy operation when the surgeon discovered 186 lbs of low grade undigested beef and half of a female femur bone in my large intestine.

    Recently I have rehabilitated myself & have found God & believe I am living somewhere in France.

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  120. @ ANON

    Ya to much social interaction is draining, but to little and you lose your ability to keep it up, sort of like working out I suppose. Large gathering of people are the hardest for me, even simple things like going to costco. I don't have a problem with small groups but it slips from time to time. Only one person knows who I really am and he accepts that, he knows I manipulate him but doesnt care so I treat him very well. Its a good outlet to have being able to be yourself, whatever that is, around a trusted person. It's odd but works. Although my behavior rubs off on him, which I don't like.

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  121. comment @ 3:43 in response to GRK.

    anon at 3:43: large gatherings: i just find there's too much to keep track of. i hate them with a passion.

    someone's also wrote (i think m.e.) about predators and fear of herds--that i kind of know it's one of the few places i can get trampled. i don't like them--i don't really understand them. you just don't know what can happen next.

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  122. Wow, it looks like someone may have foregone their medication in order to buy Christmas presents this year.

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  123. your comment came too quickly after mine for it to be in response to mine, so i won't take it personally (even though i am crazy.)

    it must be grk. at least it's possible he has a sense of humor.

    i think. :D

    good night. :)

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  124. @anon 3:19 And why are you telling people on the Internet who couldnt give a fuck? Atleast when I speak everyone listens.And a psychopath wouldn't try to get anyone laud but himself you homo.

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  125. Laid* sorry my iPad is acting up.

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  126. @ anon

    Ya I have said similar things about the herds as well. Although low functioning socio/psycho irritate me almost as much, they are quite easy to spot though. I ignore them entirely that's the best way I have found to deal with them (us). I need to know what everyone is thinking at all times so i can respond appropriately and large crowds just over works my brain.

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  127. Everyone listens except once when my boyfriend wouldn't let me give a fuck. He made me put a gerbil in his ass that time because he said my cock didn't do it for him anymore. That's the only time though. I broke up with him after that. Everyone else listens to me.

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  128. Half of you should change your names to night hawk or dragon because that's how fucking ice cold and cool you fuckers are LOL.I love how they call anyone who may be a REAL sociopath low functioning.Fuck I wish Stalin would come back.

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  129. Postmodern is a pussy I exposed that nigger.

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  130. @fat cock

    I would disagree with that. If I had a person I used a lot I would want their mood constant, if that is what helps then so be it. Better to keep your tools sharp, after all people get cut more with dull knives than sharp ones.

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  131. @anon In fatcocks ideal country you would be sentenced to death for disagreeing.

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  132. When I am the ruler the world I will make fat cock/fatcock decide if his name is one word or two.

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  133. I think its time fat cock and grk left. I find their unintelligent drivel irritating. May I propose we ignore them until they say something clever/interesting?

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  134. I think its time fat cock and grk left. I find their unintelligent drivel irritating. May I propose we ignore them until they say something clever/interesting?


    Agreed.

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  135. @aerienne---

    at 4:05 i said "it must be grk." i meant "it must be to grk" (as in response to.)

    dyslexic moment.

    i really am going to bed now.

    good night. :)

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  136. Shit flinging monkeyDecember 7, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    I guess your cock isn't that fat LOL

    Exactly what I thought the first time I saw your name.

    Compansate much?

    Sorry I couldn't help myself <3

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  137. Thats not what your mom said.

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  138. Oh good I was wondering when someone would pull the "that's what your mom said" line. It's always a classic peasant's line. Go wallow around in the mud for a while.

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  139. Your just mad that you aren't a sociopath. That's why you guys are here, because you wan to be like me. I haven't taken any psychology in my life, but I can tell you that I'm probably one of the few socios on this site. As a sociopath I can tell you that these people are fake.

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  140. so why do you hang around? even though i'm finding you sufficiently entertainting. thanks.

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  141. Ok so now your the only sociopath here? What about me? I burned doll faces so they won't look at me anymore, is that sociopathic? Fuck off fat cock

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  142. You are a pussy too mike

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  143. so what did you all get up to today, sociopathically speaking?

    we heard about Misanthrope's new credit card. so what else?

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  144. I thought it was funny that he got manipulated by that boy and then he got manipulated to punch the boy from coming here. What a tool.

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  145. nonsensical gibberish again, stop it.

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  146. Shit flinging monkeyDecember 7, 2010 at 6:52 PM

    Ahhh it's a rebellion between the lower ranks of hell towards one another.
    Couldn't see that one coming~
    Now eat one another, get sick and die.
    Ah ah ah cough.

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  147. I just got back from a three day drinking binge. My friend and I were laughing about all the stuff we used to pull as kids.
    Fat cock/grk you are not the newest show in town. You are a weekly rerun. I am glad at least that your not coming in here with all that non violent sociopath stuff like Not Able.
    If you do crime you eventually go to jail. Anyone who has a career in it knows this. You are not trustworthy until you go to prison. People who have no experience, or petty criminals think getting caught shows how dumb someone is. In reality theyn are just showing how naive they are.
    Ted bundy was not a sociopath fyi. He was diagnosed manic depressant.

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  148. "I just got back from a three day drinking binge."

    heh, near enough same story here. Creepy.

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  149. 'Did he died?'

    Yes now fuck off! hehe.

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  150. "Did he died?"

    Lets just say.......yes.

    Somebody just posed as me and I don't know why. I've hardly drunk at all today

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  151. There are a lot of posers here....lol

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  152. did GRK and fat cock show up here at the same time? hmmmm...... a classic troll ploy.

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  153. You know what's funny is that Grk thinks being a abuser and being charged with assault is so hardcore. Youre not amazing. You are a speck of dust. Your common. That's why you are in here needing affirmation that you have a mental disorder, because you want to feel special. Sorry, but I've seen thousands of people just like you. They are just as pathetic.

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  154. Yes, and they both emphasize words the same way and have the same poor grammar and spelling.

    Oh well.

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  155. my pipes are frozen and there's no running water in my apartment!
    plus i'm dehydrated as fuck.
    and the toilet won't flush. nice.

    maybe i'll just drink the toilet water.

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  156. If you can, I recommend cadaver dissection. It works amazing wonders on impulses to mutilate, and you learn to concentrate your passion and effort towards something that could be educational.

    I myself dissect cadavers at my college, and I become completely engrossed with my work. It's pretty much all I think about all week and it gets in the way of my studying. But if you have great dexterity, or you want to improve, and you fantasize about mutilation, cadaver dissection is perfect for you.

    As an artist, you would definitely love it.

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  157. Did anyone else notice that GRK's soapbox tirade was a thinly veiled sob story about how much of a miserable fuck he really is? Maybe it was just me. Amusing nonetheless.

    What I don't understand is the aversion and anger lashed out back at the duo. They're clearly numskulls with a chip on their shoulders for being 'common' crooks, as UKan put it.

    I find todays post interesting, but it seemed there was nothing but grim horizons for the reader who submitted it. I think your best course of action is to brush up on the latest forensics. You're going to need it. I mean that in the nicest way possible. I think it was a pretty horrible example for handling your impulses, frankly.

    What's the big deal about animal torture/killing, anyway? When I was a kid, the critters I killed wasn't about some domination bullshit. I just wanted to see what would happen if I ripped their heads and limbs off, how much blood there would be, or what they looked like on the inside. It's only one step away from academic dissection.

    I think the only time I derived pleasure from hurting an animal was the dog of one of my dad's girlfriends a few decades ago. It was a large, stupid and very smelly dog that she never bathed. It made me nauseas to even stand near it. I'd beat repeatedly. I was hitting it because I hated it, its smell, and annoyance. Fuck that dog.

    And I usually like dogs, too. Something about happy they usually seem.

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  158. the original poster is a regular here right? funny how no one's mentioned who that might be...
    though it's kinda obvious so i shall refrain, because oh boy do i hate to be obvious.

    the closest i will ever come to dissection is seeing that bodyworks exhibition by some german, (i think) guy with the hat. it was remarkable.

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  159. How much would it cost for one of you to come over here to this goddamn apartment I live in and kill this fucking cat? Seriously. I offer people money all the time to do it and I just can't seem to get anyone to take me up on it. It needs to disappear completely or else appear to have dies of natural causes. It's a pissing, part-blind, part-deaf, feral asshole of a cat.

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  160. ***Disclaimer*** I'm moving out of here in 2 weeks anyway, so I wasn't actually serious, just curious....

    captcha= "phocat"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (perhaps the feline in question could be used at the nearest vietnamese joint!!!)

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  161. It's more interesting when they're still alive and squirming/twitching. The first dissection I did in school wasn't nearly as engaging. Then again, the prospect of children using a scalpel on a live critter certainly wouldn't make the nurse very happy. Plenty of band aids for boo boos :P

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  162. @Amelia & your post earlier; Almost similar train of thought,..about the insistent "pop culture" need to-be-identitied-as-a ......? sense I'm beginning to get. Mellowing? or, just a realisation (and reluctance) that it takes too much to keep up with/keep coming up with the latest "fetishes". Am dissapointed nobody took up to comment on my on post before about actors "mining" themselves and others? to be emotionally congruent and then needing to "get out of the character" as a consequence. Somehow it seems possible that there's a correlation somewhere in there, the differentiation about being normal, psychothic, mediocre, talented, being a description of depth of understanding/creating perceptions. The few lucky or gifted seems to have no problems, the rest are the wannabes struggling with definitions/qualifications to keep in sync (hence the instituitionalising),...the cycle goes on until you run out of energy or step out of the shifting line

    lss; Lenin->Stalin & entourage..?

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  163. lol everyone's having their own conversation with themselves right now. are we all a bunch of narcs or what?

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  164. Possibly so, sweety. But I prefer belonging to "The Order of the Dark Triad", because, you know, that shit's all metal and hardcore, yo!

    BRB, painting my nails black.

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  165. @notme
    Agreed- Bodyworks was really neat. My sympathies regarding your water situation.

    @Rock&TNP
    I used to operate on and sacrifice mice and rats all the time, but I never got much out of it like I do when slamming my hard fist into somebody's soft body or face. When a rat squeals and jerks away it is nothing, but when a person who would otherwise be laughing and joking with you flinches as you move toward them, it is heaven. *shrug* Maybe it's different because your cadavers look like people, though I have done dissection of one cadaver before and it didn't tickle my fancy. Granted, that one didn't look much like a person anymore.

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  166. Get some freon and milk and leave it out. Watch the neighborhoods cats disappear.

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  167. Well Pythias, it wasn't in a lab setting, if you will. It was more of a little kid running around outside looking for rodents and lizard to catch and dismember. Not a huge leap, but a little.

    I found whittling to be pretty therapeutic, but I've heard that from a lot of people. There's something almost primal and elemental about taking a blade to wood and creating something from it. It usually calms me down and empties my head, sort of a conscious-free effort to meditate.

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  168. what's BRB?

    thanks Pythias. :) water is truly a fucking godsend when it's not around.

    i know this really means nothing at all but what the hell.

    the personality disorders that will be ommited as of yet from the next DSM are:

    narcissistic
    dependent
    paranoid
    schizoid
    and i forget, histrionic (i think - someone correct me if i'm wrong)

    well, it doesn't mean anything other than the approach in 'treatment' will be more a la carte, across the board.

    i think that approach is interesting. at least they are identifying the incredible variety of kooks out there. good going psychs.

    the clinicians aren't happy about it though, cos they medicate in a rather hmmm, generic fashion shall we say.

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  169. GagReflex- Seriously, this is the sort of behavior I have seen so many times on the 'net over the years and, really, in real life, too. People who are so goddamn annoying. They have to compete with their tattoos (at least with me because I have a bunch) or how "punk" they are. Or... hell, guys who have to insist to me that they are "nice guys" over and over, even though I never said they weren't. WTF?

    I have participated in many subcultures and have been fortunate enough to walk through many echelons of social interactions and varieties of people. My identity is static, though my approach definitely differs with each one. So.....I kinda identify with the sociopath in the need for presenting a different face to different people, but everyone who bothers showing interest beneath the surface gets the real (albeit occasionally soft-focus) version of me. But I have an established identity that is pretty well liked (save a few catty females). I don't know really what to make of all this, but I'm enjoying the things I learn about people. I'm content to be who and what I am, even if it hasn't got a label or definition, exactly. One-upmanship or the denigration of others to inflate my own self-worth seems like something I gave up in high school.

    And basically, that's what this troll invasion reminds me of. Childish desperation to be the baddest. *yawn*

    GagReflex- I guess what I'm trying to say, in a nutshell is that the people who are something are usually the last ones to proclaim it. They don't need to announce it to everyone, they can jus stick around for a while and let people figure it out for themselves.

    @notme- didn't you see? Narcissistic Personality Disorder is getting kicked out of the DSM! So, no, we aren't a bunch of narcs, or won't be soon enough!

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  170. hehe.
    yeah, well i think it would go more like 'antisocial with narcissistic leanings.' (not me, but for others).

    or 'borderline with histrionic and narcissistic leanings' etc etc.
    in which case, they should scrap borderline too since i'm only borderline borderline. lolage. what a maze. i'm beginning to think that these medical people are obsessive-compulsive in their need to categorise everything. like, we are scratching an itch they have.

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  171. I feel so left out. I don't identify with any personality disorders. *hmph* WHERE IS MY PARADE?!?

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  172. I have two quick yet intriguing questions to all the knowledgeable paths regarding lack of sex/sexual drive in the majority of ASPDs.

    I can use my sexual assets to get my goal, but unless I slip a little from drugs such as alcohol... I don't seem to enjoy pursuing sex. I just don't see the cost such as time and energy worth it in the overall equation.

    I will engage in one night stands to take care of my physical needs, but I just don't have a drive to commit to a long term relationship, love or pursue sex unless it is convenient and provided on a platter with no strings attached. I guess the emotional attachment or connection is lacking. I am 22 and went through about 80 bodies, I mean partners.

    I have been accused of being gay, but I am just not motivated when I am completely sober to pursue anything. It is actually funny, since both girls and guys want me all the time, but I have a certain aloofness/indifference which makes me more desirable. Not to mention my enemies out of hate and friends out of "love" god knows wtf that means provide me with ample candidates for girlfriends all the time. What is it with people?

    Any perspective on this issue fellow ASPDs?

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  173. there really is no parade. and you'll only ever find yourself identifying with one if your life warrants it. so you're lucky that you don't.

    i am in agreement with what is being echoed here about labels and people seeking them out, and i even understand people's cynicism about those people who do.

    but the truth is, the only people that find themselves, to varying degrees, enmeshed in the detached and bizarre world of mental disorder labels are those that seek help for something or another.

    the labels come after the fact. and for those people, i have sympathy. as for those who have nothing that bad or debilitating to moan about, well, that's a different matter, and one which i'm on the fence about.

    i am by nature, not a cynic, so i maintain an open mind to both opposing opinions on the matter of psychiatry.

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  174. Might the line between "identifying" and "creating" be rather thin?

    Thinking about per PosMo's post about Pet Monsters and TNP's petting zoo. Just make sure to clear the bone piles now and then.

    Shouldn't there be a DSM for people who "love" to create objects to revile?

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  175. oh fuck, it's happened again. my post just dissapeared. what is going on with this site?
    it will reappear tomorrow, so i'm not going to retype it. that's it, i'm gonna do a copy of every long post i type from now on.

    sheesh.

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  176. notme- seeking answers and definitions when you perceive something as not-like-the-other-reindeer is one thing. Screaming at the top on your lungs (albeit virtually) that you *ARE* abc and you are the be-all, end-all quintessential archetype for that subset is a crock of shit 999,999 times out of a million.

    ps- It's ok that there's no parade for me. I hate parades.

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  177. Are there any females that regularly post here and consider themselves sociopaths?

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  178. what i said is that i am open minded about both perspectives on psychiatry. and there is no parade Amelia.

    just that some people who've hit rock bottom for one reason or another can benefit from the clarity that CAN come with a label. the daily struggle however, lives on, and no label or in many cases, pills, will change that.

    you can check out my post tomorrow when it reappears. i presume you can't see it from your end either.

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  179. Lol poor Amelia..Classic Cognitive dissonance? ;-) I feel it too ;-(

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  180. @UKan~ I did laugh. And it was out loud. I tend to feel kinda sorry for the folks that can't see the role they played in their own downfall. And I've never been defeated by a socio, nor do I harbor any ill-will towards the ones I have dealt with in my personal life.

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  181. You are not stimulated by things normal people are stimulated by. That is why using artificial means of stimulating yourself is neccessary. Smoke weed, it helps. My girlfriend prefers that I'm stoned most of the time. She says it makes me more authentic.
    What the poster is speaking of is a common balance sociopaths have. He has found a outlet for it which is great. However, some of what he says sound like his fantasies are not being met because he is becoming desensitised by to consensual nature of his outlet. Its a catch 22. When you act out your fantasies it could do more damage if you get obsessive. Soon nothing but the real thing is good enough. However, if you can't ignore the craving and you have no outlet you can snap.

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  182. yes, i agree with you Amelia.
    (10.04)

    it did post after all. sorry for the repeat at 10.08.

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  183. Amelia: I couldn't resist.

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  184. @The King:

    I'm in the same exact boat as you, almost to the T. It's not universally sociopathic, but it is very common.

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