Thursday, January 9, 2014

An escort's unbiased perspective of the spectrums (part 3)

The Swedish escort's final thoughts:

Understanding social meanings and values (as objective facts) in a situation, and understanding the relevance of social meanings and values (as emotional facts) in a situation, is according to my experience what differentiates aspergers, borderline/bipolar/narcissists and sociopaths, although their actual behavior in many situations might appear similar.

But I have to give them each of them different kinds of communicative feedback, depending on if it is their perceptive understanding of the actual situation/interaction, or their emotional understanding of the relevance of the actual situation/interaction, that is the problem in our interaction.

What they all share in common, is that there is no use in pointing out eventual lapses and mistakes as something like personality characteristics or intrinsic qualities to these persons. It is much better to only focus on the specific behavior, like, “what you just said could be interpreted as mean and humiliating from my point of view”, “this thing that you want or expect is not reasonable within the deal of our date, and it is not anything I deem as enjoyable”.

I do of course have a certain unusual power position as an escort here, since my situation as a sexworker (in my niche regarding level of education and good looks) in the egalitarian welfare states of Scandinavia is one where demand is much greater than supply. And I still have a price level where I can pick and choose among clients, and deny anyone I don’t like, and the clients kind of know that.

So even if some of the people that might be labeled sociopaths in other situations might not care that much about whether an escort girl likes them or not (for its own sake), they usually find my intellect and our oftentimes unique conversations fascinating enough, that they are willing to modify their behavior so I stay with them and they can see me again. (I’m actually like a Scheherazade of sorts, to many of my clients.)

And that interaction with me can then function as something of a learning platform, so they can better modify and be attentive to their behavior in regular life, and so they can better manage relationships with friends, family and co-workers. Because the same mechanisms apply on a date as they do everywhere (the deviant is ultimately excluded as punishment), it is just that it is delayed (people put up with small things over time, and then punish by withdrawal or by getting other people to participate in mobbing of the deviant).

And that mechanism of delay is what kind of makes a trap for otherwise very smart individuals; like that of a boiling frog, they don’t adjust their behavior in good time enough to avoid the social punishment that is heating up for them.

Out on a professional date however, everything is much more simplified, transparent and outspoken, and the feedback is more direct. Because there are no common social ties, there's no use in keeping up facades for potential future pay-offs; there is no common nor competitive agenda reaching further than that of talking, dining and having sex together. The relation is kind of distinctly suspended from normal life and all normal implications, and so the communication is much more clear and direct, which can be very useful and informative for people that have problems with normal relations. It's a sort of platform for training social skills.

I actually keep on getting Merry-Christmas emails from several old-time clients (mostly from aspies though) that now are in functioning relationships, who thank me for teaching them better social skills and better ways to understand women. (Which kind of is funny, as I myself have had a long road to go to improve my own social skills, and partly feel ambiguous about my own gender identity as female in the emotional and psychological sense.)
So obviously my theory and methodological approach do not only help me out as an escort, but do actually help some of my clients to improve their lives.

So I have been thinking that this little theory about perceptive and emotional attention, and what it implies, maybe should be of use to people in more legitimate therapeutic professions. I’ve been thinking that both me and my clients may be getting a better practical understanding of their actual interaction abilities, and what problems they might have than “real” therapists get.
Because I actually do practical activities with my clients (usually dining and sex, and discussing all kinds of subjects), instead of only sitting and talking introspectively with them about themselves. And humans learn better if they “learn by doing” than if they just sit and try to analyze what they have done (there they both miss out other people’s perspectives on them, and might not remember exactly the very things they did not understand already).


  1. It's VERY important that we KNOW EVERYTHING we can reasonably
    know about M.E. NOT just the things she DOESN'T want to conceal.
    For example, M.E. has made the "bold" claim that she is a sociopath.
    Some people have made such claims about themselves in the past,
    most notibily, a non-credentialed Israeli man who charmed his way
    into the mental health community. He set himself up as a living example
    of a militant narcasist. I don't recall his name, but he wrote a very
    ponderous tome called "Militant Self Love." It's suppost to be a manuel
    on how to relate to a narcasict, written by a TRUE narcacist.
    It goes for $44.00.
    In recent years, we've seen many people proporting to suffer from
    malidies and addictions who have penned books offering "insiders"
    views. Some have been frauds. Like the man who scammed Oprah a
    few years ago with his book titled: "A Million Little Pieces."
    One way to tell a fraud, is by outrageous claims. The man who wrote
    that book claimed to have undergone extensive dental reconstructive
    WITHOUT anestisa. We must listen VERY attentively to every claim
    made, before we can draw definative conclusions. Plenty of people-
    even-professionals get scammed by well spoken shysters.
    M.E. did NOT make any claims that are unbelievable on their face.
    Her story could have happened. ALL men (and women) are LIARS, so
    the Bible tells us. How would we know if M.E. is 85% truthful?
    There are various methods we can use DESPITE M.E.'s attempts to
    conceal herself. The methods are: Graphology (If we can obtain an
    example of J.R.L.'s handwriting) Face imagining(Comparisons between
    J.R.L. and the woman who calls herself M.E. And body language (Both
    bodily and verbal.)
    But all the above things can only tell us that M.E. and J.R.L. are one and
    the same. They can't tell us about J.R.L. What kind of a person is J.R.L.? Sure, we might know her occupation, how well her reputation
    is, whether she is liked etc... but that won't do anything to tell us
    whether J.R.L. is a trustworthy person or a "safe person to relate to.
    What are the methods to find the TRUE M.E./ J.R.L? Well, if someone
    could get her percise birthdate and time, they could find the true M.E. But M.E. has not given out that info. If they could see a photo of
    J.R.L., they could "Chinese face read" it and descern much. M.E.'s
    YEAR of birth is all that is necessary to know in Oriental Astrology.
    Graphology, (IF you can obtain a sample of her writing) The
    Ennagram (IF you can observe her behavior over a period of time. I'd
    say she is a 3.) But the BEST system we have for finding the REAL
    M.E. given the EXTREMELY limited amount of information on M.E.,
    is Chaldean Numerology. Even though M.E. Thomas is not her birth
    name, it's the most realevant name she's using NOW, and interestingly enough it resonates with her ACTUAL birth name!
    M.E. and J.R.L. both devolve to the number 6. The upshot? M.E. is NOT a sociopath but she's far from an evil person. Her greatest
    urge in life is to be loved, but she's unsure whether she can find it.
    She can!

    1. Dear Anon- I can see you are a busy person who spends a great deal of time thinking about very important matters... Keep working at it- you might be onto something!

    2. The truth is if someone tells you they are a sociopath it's best to believe the, it's not necessarily something to lie about. It is indeed a gift though. We see the worlds true nature.

    3. Any one who resorts to the Bi BILE to me is a bounder, religion is the refugee of the feeble-your preoccupation with ME speaks volumes about you, and little or nothing to ME.

  2. What would be the pros and cons of being a diagnosed sociopath?

    1. To Anonymous 5:58AM
      Pros of being diagnosed? Aside from knowing for sure if you are considered a sociopath in the eyes of society and the medical community I can't imagine any, and that would only be considered a pro if you felt a need to be categorized. Cons however I could imagine a whole lot, especially if you have to make people or employers aware of your situation, or if you try to get into some sort of employment field where you deal with people on an emotional level.

    2. There are many pros we can discuss them if you'd like

  3. My one hope is that you have a personal safety strategy that goes beyond cutting off a "john" who has offended you. Do you keep records of the men you are involved with? Obviously these records must be kept in an extremely discrete manner, but if there was a way that a sketchy client who became overly attached to you could be identified in the event of your demise, I think you'd be providing a public service.
    If you really wanted to be careful, perhaps you could filter your clients by insisting on a DNA sample to be given up front that would be entered into a sort of personal database. It's not a photograph, and your client could feel protected because you could sign a contract together that protected their privacy against potential extortion on your end. Perhaps it could also spell out rigorous STD testing protocols you'd be required to keep written records of in exchange for the DNA sample.
    Prostitution is a transactional relationship, and if your clients are realists most would appreciate the extra layer of privacy protection a contract like this would provide you with given the risky nature of your business. Anonymity is something that can be guarded more carefully when there is a contract that is binding on both sides. Of course you'd lose a percentage of your clientele by insisting on something like this, but as you've presented you situation it appears that you can afford to be choosy. I'd argue that certain individuals might be attracted to you (celebrities/politicians) because of the layer of protection a contract that has a "no tell" clause provides them with.
    That same contract could also serve to weed out the individuals whose intentions for you are far darker than sex. It also might weed out the erotomaniacs who fancy that they have a "relationship" that is too special to need a contract. A rage response to the insult of being made to feel "like everyone else" would be a huge red flag that their so called passion could easily turn to hate. If someone like this becomes obsessed with you, all I can say is "yikes". Best avoid a situation like that up front.

  4. There's so many "angles" to learn about people, personality disorders, experience, in the "lab" of life. I'd agree personal life experience is definitely the most direct route. You learn more as an intern in your chosen profession than you do sitting in class listening to a lecture or reading the text book, but all those methods are useful and necessary.
    Every single day is an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves and interacting in our environments and with other human beings. It's really quite fascinating.

  5. Interesting articles. As someone who has played in bands for most of my life, I have had countless erotic experiences with hundreds of women. Some I have been pretty sure are sociopathic. One observation about sociopathic women I can offer is the following: they reach orgasm extremely easily. Honestly, sometimes too easily. I think its important for some of you Socio love-Goddesses to remember that us men do appreciate a little bit of a challenge. So please- exercise a little restraint. otherwise, there will be consequences. Thank you.

    1. Youre suggesting they hide their orgasm . Instead of faking it like the ( stereotypical) majority the female population.
      Iow, youre suggesting they keep some other sort of mask on even when theyre trying to let some wind in their fucking hair, huh? Like during the sex act, the most free- from -restraint activity there is.

      How bout I tie up your balls and ride you like in a real live rodeo, stud? Cmon, it'll be fun.

    2. Consequences? ??

  6. ME,
    I think you make up these stories, but I still give you a lot credit for them. But imagine a situation that a group of people who had a particular history with an individual with a very strong preconceived notion about that person try to lure him/her into a social gathering, and decide to use all kinds of trickeries to stay under disguise. How do you think that person going to react? Don’t you think manipulation is the worst kind of insult to anyone’s intelligence? Do you think people just eat it up and behave as themselves? No, that person going to be on guard and feeling violated, there would be no bargaining of any sort, but hangs around there to see what others are up to, who they are, and what kind of games they want to play, or how dirty they are going to get to satisfy their curiosity, which is primarily based on their preconceived notion.
    This being said, I cannot conclude that in these types of situations either party had bad intentions, only bad notions.
    Genuinely, I can say I love your blog and I think you are better than Scheherazade in storytelling.

    1. This is my lemonade stand. I talk about random stuff at random times. It’s not directed at anyone.
      Super Chick you are my favorite customer!

    2. Well said A Touch Leery, and I do see your side and perception of your lemonade stand views very well. Keep those cookies fresh for me. I'm sorry you were hurt. Very sorry. So many ways of interpretating situations that's happened to target people. I get what you are saying. But maybe just maybe it's not their intention of manipulating you. It just got to be a spiral of messes, and both parties had preconceived notions about one another. And both parties both felt violated and maybe a little attacked. And the only reason they were dragged into a social gathering was to make them see another point of view. Your lemonade stand and cookies taste very good to me. I can relate to what you say. :)

    3. Oh No, I didn’t get hurt, it was just sickening following their game. I think nothing ever can replace direct communication. If someone perceives something in a certain way should directly talk to that person, rather than fear-mongering everywhere against him/her.
      Super chick you are nice and sweet. Don’t feel sorry about anything.

    4. Nobody wants to feel violated or exploited, it's the ultimate betrayal. That's not fun and games, it equals pain. I'm not into that. anymore.

    5. Quit making excuses for your bad behavior. Take some responsibility. Let's face the truth, we don't mix well. if you can't even face a person to discuss an issue, clearly there's nothing further to discuss.

    6. ^ Not sure who that was directed at, but I really try to take responsibility if I've wronged someone with my behavior. Unfortunately the conscience can be suppressed at times, I admit. And damage has been done. A sincere apology is given. And i try to learn from it so it doesn't happen again. Sometimes I'm misunderstood and their misunderstood and its easier to perceive it as an attack. I mean well. We all mean well. I have a harder time when i see someone antagonizing individuals, kinda like 'the bully.' (We are all guilty to some degree). Sometimes we don't even know we're being one ourselves until we sit back and analyze our actions closely.I ain't no holier than though that's for sure. But I do see the other persons pain/vulnerability and I have to do or say something. When someone is targeted and excluded out without representation to speak for themselves, I do tend to bite a bit. Sometimes one can perceive where violating &attacking - when in actual reality where fending for their own rights, the victim and others around them together. Its a catch 22. But we all win. :) it's how one perceives it. If you want to further discuss one on one I'm at �� the choice is yours. If this has nothing to do with me. Null and void. Lol. Nights��

    7. Uh crappy my pics never worked on my new phone.

    8. super chick- I really like you, but I have to inject a note of reality here. I've been split by an individual in a way that was reflective of his internal drama but deeply painful to the children involved. The tough thing about splitting is that while it may be cathartic for the splitter to "go off"- sometimes irreparable consequences occur unintentionally when dependent children are in the mix.

      No part of me is saying that to shame you- just to provide motivation to find the self control to identify and resist the urge to split if your need to end a relationship impacts the lives of children who are somehow connected to that relationship. If you decide to become a mom (and your evident warmth and emotional accessibility suggests to me you'd be a loving one) this is just something to keep in mind. (Said with affection, awareness of my own parenting fails, and a recent wound my kids and I are still recovering from). xoxo

    9. comment wasn't directed to super chick. sorry for the confusion. just randomly letting off some steam related to a past acquintance. shouldn't of posted that.

    10. you are mad at me. How have I exploited you. my intention is not to hurt you. You are mingling me in with the cookies. Take me out of the batch. You have a right to let off steam. No worries. I understand.But I swear to you I am not attacking you. I am not exploiting you. It feels like that.. Bpds have hurt me, just like they have hurted you. We have the same theme. I am trying to look at all angles. Signals are getting mixed. I want you content. Your friends miss you. Get back online. They are worried. Forget about all of this. If it's easier for you to hate me, fine. But you have dished out too. Can't you see that. Unfortunately our theme has always been to talk behind masks. It's sad. I'm sorry. I had a feeling it was you. Stay. We both deserve healing. But get back on Facebook. Your friends are worried. I see yr angle. I've done you damage. But you have a whole crew that needs you to be Ok. Please show them you Ok.

    11. Mach, I respect you and you are so right on - on so many things. You've been through much and have stand strong with bravery &courage. Very wise women. Your children will heal. It's tough. But with a mamma like you, they will soar. Xx hugs

    12. that is very kind of you to say, thank you.

  7. Make sure your lemonade stand is up and running for you. To be well. Your smart, trust yr gut. But look at things also from the gingebreadcookies view also. You might find that the social gathering is for you -not against you. Not to hurt you. But to help.If there is no room for bargenning, I understand.You just make sure you are well and your stand is at work again tomorrow. Wherever you choose to go i respect.

    1. I send my best wishes to you, gingerbread man, and everyone else who participated here too! I will keep my lemonade stand, for occasional use- especially if I stop by and see you here.

  8. :-) Ok see you again soon. Give us that fresh taste of lemonade stand juice again and fresh baked cookies when you stop by.Take care.

  9. Enjoyed this 3rd post; thought it made sense on many levels. Thank you.

  10. agreed. physical safety. sexual protection and safety. anonymity. 'no special relationships'. all are important. for both parties.

  11. Giving the sociopathic or cold and callous lessons in being HUMAN would seem, a useful tactic if undertaken young enough (and remember that many sociopaths don't respond like normal kids-more like little creepy adults, watching for gimmicks to help them pass as normative.), such treatment if advanced openly might work. But some see as teaching young kids the ins and outs of being a fully rounded human being amounting to handing over the keys to the family car to a raving auto fetishist.

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    You did not actually stop this thing man. So needless to say you begged for another chance along with her and called her — and broke down. When you that you are a strong believer in second chances, I understand you never even opened my novel, because “The System” does not believe in second chances.

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