Tuesday, January 28, 2014

How to maximize utility of socio relationship?

I thought this was a remarkably insightful comment, left July 7, 2013 at 7:56 AM

HOW TO BEAT A SOCIOPATH ... is the wrong question. If you're trying to beat, that means you're engaged in a competition, and non-socios tend to get revved up by their emotions during competition and thus will make it very difficult for themselves to "beat the socio", while the socio expends much less effort to pick at the non-socio's weaknesses.

Instead, the proper question for non-socios is "How do I maximize the utility to me of the socio relationship?"

In some cases, there may be no utility, so just terminate the relationship, or get out of it with at little damage as possible. In other words, you're in a hole, stop digging, don't try to beat or compete with the socio, just tend to your own needs. Do not feel sorry for the socio, or try to make the socio regret or repent, just leave. (If you can't control your own emotions, particularly to stop worrying about the socio, then you certainly aren't going to be able to control anyone else, including the socios, who are very good at control.)

If there is possible utility, then strictly enforce your boundaries, so the socio cannot damage you. Constantly assess whether you are getting enough from the relationship; do not worry that you are being selfish, trust that the socio is doing the same calculation for themselves, and will leave if they aren't getting what they want, so you can just worry about your own needs.

The tricky thing is to realize that socios imitate emotions to manipulate non-socios. If this satisfies your utility need, then great. Otherwise, realize that the socio has limits, and if you impose unrealistic expectations on the socio, you will just get burned.

It reminds me of this recent tweet:

126 comments:

  1. So... Determine if a relationship with a sociopath will benefit you, actively manage it so that you don't get taken advantage of, only worry about yourself, and if the relationship stops being worth it, walk away.

    In other words, the best way to have a relationship with a sociopath, is to act like a sociopath yourself.

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    1. Ok, so sociopaths should be very compatible with each other, but it doesnt work I have heard. I guess the sociopath still needs a little goodness.

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    2. It's not that, it's just that - outside of sex - it wouldn't work out. It'd be like two magnets of the same charge coming together. They're the same, yet by being the same they repel each other.

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    3. @DamagedJanuary 28, 2014 at 12:23 AM

      You nailed it. Fast track to dehumanization. I think a lot of trophy girlfriends and wives play that game and destroy themselves in the process.

      And, btw, it's completely untrue that sociopaths can't have "relationships" with each other. My brother and his wife are both sociopaths. Bill and Hillary Clinton are both sociopaths. I would bet a lot of "power couples" are.

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    4. If they both want the same things out of it, a relationship between sociopaths can work.

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  2. Isnt this how everyone deals with people?

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    1. No, its not. Mosf people genuinely enjoy socializing with the people closest to them. It's called love you pathetic cretin.

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    2. I disagree but for a different reason. Most people continue socializing with those close to them out of habit and duty. That's not necessarily any more noble than relating to others out of a calculated sense of the interaction being worth more than the effort required to sustain it.

      It's also motivated by fear/guilt rather than love- but an empath elevates this unloving inertia by calling it devotion. That is, until a subject who kindles desire is perceived to be a possible substitute. Then what was formerly called devotion is reframed as enslavement, and all talk of loyalty is abandoned for the greater good of "truer love".

      Sociopaths don't engage in this self deception. While they may be dishonest with others as a means to an end (even if that end is simply amusement) they are not driven by a hobgoblin of neurosis to whitewash their actions by pretending noble intent. Sociopathic relationships appear to be more transactional simply because they feel no need to engage in moral talk to explain them.

      For this reason, I believe that the human condition- for both sociopathic and empathic individuals is to revert to using others to prop up ones own sense of well being and to abandon others when the effort exceeds the payoff. Sociopaths just happen to be more matter of fact about it.

      What is less common is the desire to invest in certain chosen others, and to maintain that focus even when current circumstances don't provide gratifying emotional feedback. Both sociopaths and empaths are capable of this. It is an understanding that other people are valuable as more that props and that the way we treat others will ultimately impact the quality of our own lives. Feelings are understood as states that come and go, but the commitment to the principle of not using others is maintained as motivation even when chosen relationships no longer yield the same rewards.

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    3. YES IT IS how everyone deals with people
      but regular ppl are to delusional to admit it
      just look at relationships
      the reason ppl quit it is because they are not getting everything they want
      they don't get what they want they quit it (specialy wimmen)
      they don't work on it
      and men know this so they don't feel like getting married annymore
      (+ they have to pay ofc alimony)

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    4. Who believes the fairytale that sociopathy and empathy are just different worldviews? The first one implies abusive behaviour. NO. NOT GOOD.

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    5. It depends on if you define sociopathy by the factors predisposing an individual to antisocial behavior or if you are judging actual antisocial acts. I prefer to believe that people are capable of more than their past actions might success if the right environmental changes coincide with personal motivation to change. My sense is- once a sociopath, always a sociopath the same way once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic is true. But within that classification there exists a wide range of human behavior that is possible.

      As far as empaths go- it's too wide a category to be considered purely "good". It encompasses neurotypical individuals as well as borderlines and histrionics.


      They are not different world views- they are brains who respond to stimulation in a different manner- and both are capable of overriding impulses with logic so I believe that in that sense these designations are morally neutral. It's the actions each take that need to be judged, not the potential for acting.

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    6. Shure...actions and intensions

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    7. @ "most people enjoy socializing with people closest to them"
      This is true! Warmharted people, even feel some goodness or benevolence with most people. To give this and to recieve this (in a not bothersome way) is one way to feel happy. Where in the brain benevolence is located? Maybe nearby moral and conscience.

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  3. All business, all the time.

    How drab.

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    1. yes. no hope, just flickers of desire that are extinguished once satisfaction of the desire has been achieved.

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  4. What a tedious way to live.

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    1. Seems, and looks, exhausting.

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    2. For the sociopath, it can be. I can't imagine having the energy or patience to keep up a mask with someone over such a long duration.

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  5. And what if the sociopath is born into your "normal" family?
    What is the "line of demarcation?" When do you say "Enough is
    enough.?'
    Many simply can't fatham that some sociopath's are BORN, NOT
    MADE, and that DENIAL is more then a river in Egypt.

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  6. I would like to compare this with martial arts and organized fights. Loosing control of ones emotions is usually what happens in the downspiraling scenario of defeat. It is when you have realized that fighting is futile and you become desperate. When that happens, you have unknowingly given the opponent control of the fight. You are no longer able to utilize your training to the fulles. You are unable to turn the fight around if you had any chance, and if you actually were the leading fighter in the fight but noe believe that you are not and experience loss of emotional control, that lead will be lost in a split of a second.

    I have experienced this myself while training martial arts and doing a training fight with one of the best guys in the club. We were competing, he was leading the fight and had his upper hand on me, I got a good kick in hos torso that threw him off balance. After that he believe I was superior to him, and only by that belief did the fight turn out with me being superior. Without that belief, he might easily have won.

    Other then that; all interactioms in life are transactions. You have to consider your output in regard of the input you want. All else is all other then wise, socio or not.

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  7. Good folks should not treat hollow men as some kind of "superbeings", if a rude dude with no conscience gets fresh its important that the goody-gooder stands up for what´s right. These malign beings are like blowfish, they "make lots of noise" & try to intimidate, but underneath most are impotent cowards. Yes there are exceptions, but mostly they live on "acting scary" behaviour. But not all do-gooders fear puffed up blowfish. Many see right through the hammy acting & loathe the egotistic human parody beneath. There probably is a "psycho.nemesis" named Virgo: people often gifted/cursed with psychopathic meanness but programmed to be morally good. Advice to hollow folks: don´t play the virgoan piano..

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    1. That is an unfortunate, and potentially dangerous, emotional response. Sociopaths are, by there very nature, not impotent cowards. Often times if there is retaliation, it may neither be immediate or violent. You are running under the incorrect presumption that underneath the mask is a weak, petty, and cowardly individual. That can be a dangerous mistake. There is a real wolf under the sheep suit.

      I understand if you feel both indignant and defensive. I also understand why you want to promote courage to others by highlighting the nature of having a facade. However, you must be careful and aware to not go overboard, because you have implied a false sense of what lies underneath.

      Even if you are dealing with a sociopath who is neither violent or criminal, doesn't mean they are weak. It just means they have greater control over impulsiveness. They are still wolves.

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    2. More like rats.

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    3. LOL......I agree, with Mach; empaths can be wolves and rats but sociopaths are better at the game. :)

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    4. A rather knee-jerk emotional reaction, but that being said if there is more substance to it I would like to hear it.

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    5. 12:05 PM Post:
      My delivery was flippant but my thoughts were sincere. The comment was what I believe to be true.

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    6. Most do-gooders get very scared when someone raise their voice & act like they own the public pavement. A convincing actor is all it takes. Movie myths are nor reality. Everyday low-end psycho 1A one meets are mostly actors. Refusing to be treated like a mark by such people will perhaps result in a "loud conversation" or a "gruesome stare". Most do-gooders of the world can handle that. Their self confidence will grow until the next time. Sheep turning into rams. Many times it could be the psycho that has taken on more than he´s able to handle. If they meet "The Nemesis" (mentioned above) things can move in other directions than they imagined. Conversations may start to be filled with icy retorical questions, shadows start growing longer & the birds go quiet. It may turn out to become a rather different sort of evening than the "scary" actor is used to..

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  8. This is exactly the way my narcissistic mother advised me to treat my psychopathic ex. But I couldn't - it's an alien mindset and life is too short. It was easier to just walk away.

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    1. * Or rather I didn't want to. The sheer joylessness of it...

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    2. For me I have no inclination to get into a romantic relationship with anyone. I don't feel any desire to love or be loved. It just isn't there.

      That being said, I don't feel any dark hole of joylessness because of it. It's just not a component of "me". I am neither deprived (as if crippled) or fulfilled (like a goth). When you're born this way, it's hard to miss something you never had to begin with. If there is anything I feel, it is a cursory interest to try it once, though only for a short time - like a trial run.

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    3. An older woman I know manipulates all people around her, mainly in order to use them. She has a certain fan club of people, but even more people are repelled by this behaviour. Like sociopaths too, she underestimates, that many people just look through her and avoid contact.

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  9. ITs not this simple. Sociopaths love.

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    1. Right. They love money. They love control. They love to win. But love other people? I don't think so.

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    2. Sociopaths love their own satisfaction. When the love object ceases to trigger the feeling of satisfaction, the attachment is rendered void.

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    3. John and Rita PoluchuckJanuary 28, 2014 at 8:11 AM

      you do whatever you can to get away from them. we moved away

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    4. sadly, sociopaths are not the only enemy. The self deception of empathic types can also lead to your exploitation. You can't run away from everyone. Best to carefully choose who to trust based on observation of their previous actions. The rest of the world should be treated with courtesy and in a way that respects their human dignity, but does not expose you to devastation if they prove false.

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    5. Mach 8:08- dig a little deeper-

      Empaths love their own satisfaction (love). When the love object ceases to trigger the feeling of (love) satisfaction, the attachment is rendered void.

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    6. there are some empaths that mimic sociopaths; to numb their internal pain. And, perhaps, they thought life was easier for the sociopath.

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    7. Mach- correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you got dumped by a socio and are having a really hard time believing he/she was capable of love. Also- from 8:28 I am getting that you were also dumped by an empath. Maybe it's not the way your ex's lovers brain is wired.. just a thought.

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    8. Sociopaths can and do feel needs. Needs which they want satisfied. The difference is that there are no real emotional needs to fulfill - the other needs can and do exist. They can also like things, whether it is an activity, food, or people.

      The reason why I highlight this is to note one important point. Just because sociopaths are capable of exploiting people and relationships, doesn't mean they do it all the time. It's like lying - I lie only when needed, otherwise most of the time I tell the truth. By that axiom, if I like someone it doesn't mean I will necessarily either lie or exploit them.

      Remember, just because there are no negative emotional barriers for sociopaths doesn't mean there are any positive emotional reinforcers either. Also a sociopath is less inclined to do so with people they like, because they don't want to potentially burn any bridges.

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    10. (sorry- had to make an edit)
      @ Let's have a baby-

      Are you baiting me? If so- that's ok. But I am curious why doing that would appeal to you. It suggests that something about me feels threatening to you and my intention was not to threaten, simply explore. I apologize if particular statements I've made have caused you distress. I can assure you, it wasn't intentional- I enjoy SW because it makes me think about things in a new way, and alot of what I have to say is really just thinking (rather than coming to a definitive conclusion) on paper. There are plenty of ideas I've explored here that I have revised after having more exposure to the way self identified sociopaths express themselves here.

      To answer your question- while I have been forthcoming (on SW) about the fact I've had negative experiences in some relationships, I'd have to say that the more scarring experiences did not come within the context of a romantic relationship.


      I can't say why exactly I am fascinated by human behavior the way that I am (specifically- how brain differences are connected to patterns of disordered character), but I can say this obsession has been part of my wiring since grade school. Perhaps it has something to do with being aware from a very early age that I didn't think about things the way most of my peers did- and that I've always been a nonconformist. When you're told you're evil a lot as a kid it tends to leave an impression, especially when the people who like to tell you that are doing some pretty shady things. I grew up in a prominent religious family that had a "seen but not heard" policy for children. I saw a lot of very ugly things done by very "righteous people". Cognitive dissonance and an awareness that the black and white value judgements good and evil don't really apply when you are dealing with the complexities of a human brain. We all are a mix of good and bad. Lately I've been thinking that removing moral judgement from discussions about human interaction in favor of discussing what traits serve people well or poorly within a social setting might contribute to more fruitful interactions. Blame tends to muddy the issue and keep people stuck- so I'm in favor of moving away from blame and moving towards maximizing outcomes where the self interest of all parties involved can be achieved.

      Hope that helps.

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    11. "In a sense, it is absurd to maintain that the psychopath's incapacity for object love is absolute, that is, to say he is capable of affection for another ill literally no degree. He is plainly capable of casual fondness, of likes and dislikes, and of reactions that, one might say, cause others to matter to him. These affective reactions are, however, always strictly limited in degree. In durability they also vary greatly from what is normal in
      mankind. The term absolute is, I believe, appropriate if we apply it to any affective attitude strong and meaningful enough to be called love, that is, anything that prevails in sufficient degree and over sufficient periods to exert a major influence on behavior."

      - Hervey Cleckley, The Mask of Sanity

      [emphasis mine]

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  10. That makes it clear as to what to do. Non socios need to feel something of substance in a relationship. It's pretty hollow attempting long term friendship with a socio. (speaking from experience.) Live and let live. You go your way...I'll go my mine.

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    1. That is not necessarily true. I've had a long term friendship with someone for over 20 years without problems for either of us. Friendship is quite possible.

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    2. I doubt it, no relationship of 20 years is ever problem free.(no relationship, period, is ever problem free.

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    3. Actually yes. I know where his boundaries are and I don't cross them. There has been no falling out in friendship in the 20 years.

      Don't get me wrong, I have had friends who I have fallen out of touch, some by my own account, but from the few I have maintained they are amicable.

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  11. Positive relationships usually provide some security and comfort. The relationship with the socio wouldn't. So his/her utility had to compensate for this discomfort.
    &

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  12. Yeah, maybe they tried with their utility? So often it 'felt' so empty. Nothing of substance to hang on to. I think it's a disappointment for all parties. Do they really want to be that empty and hollow? I don't think so, it's not a choice they made. I think some of them wrestle with this a little bit. Like ME trying to decide about a baby, and stating she wouldn't choose to have a sociopath. ( I think there was a tweet when she said that.)

    I don't think this is a black and white issue. There's a gray zone, as all people are different regardless of a diagnosis. Find what works best for you and your situation.

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  13. Love: they mimic your behavior to get they're narcissistic supply. Accept it and walk out the door. :)

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    1. I know this is true, it's just hard to accept. I can't imagine living and feeling like that. I can imagine it briefly, but certainly wouldn't want to stay their. We really are very different creatures.

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    2. It is hard to accept because you feel guilt and regret in your imaginary scenario.

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    3. It is hard to accept if you still love the person in some way.Guilt no, regret and grief because of the loss yes. To get over it: No little hope at all-no contact-much time-nice people. If the little hope comes again: look at "blood lust".

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    4. By the way, sociopaths don't mimic your behavior to fulfill their narcissistic supply. While sociopaths share certain narcissistic *traits*, they are not really narcissists. Sociopaths adapt their masks to appear ideal to the person they are having a relationship, which at times can fulfill the narcissistic supply of the other person (not themselves).

      Sociopaths are not narcissists. There is no joy to be had stroking your own ego.

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  14. It's not a matter of winning or losing, in fact, that in itself is a very sociopath outlook. It also goes along with paranoia which seems to pervade this blog; socios vs empaths. Very black and white thinking.

    It's about how you let others treat you and what treatment you accept. You can't control what someone else does to you; whether you are in a relationship or driving your car and someone cuts you off, you can only control your reaction. If someone treats you badly and you accept that treatment, you have to ask yourself why you are accepting such bad treatment? What are you getting out of it?

    There is no battle or winning or losing. There is only accepting your current circumstances or changing YOURSELF, not someone else.

    MelissaR

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    1. It is a matter of losing; if your boundaries are ignored and disrespected. A committed love relationship is about "compromise," and without that ingredient - it will fail.

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    2. Very right. Respect. Compromise.

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    3. Love it, change it or leave it

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    4. Love it, change it or leave it

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  15. I think that the whole thing is simply a racial problem. Incompatibility.

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    1. The word incompatibility came in my mind too, even before I knew the diagnosis of him.

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  16. strategy is the art of creating power
    (Sir Lawrence Freedman)

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  17. Yes, and please don't pity them, the 2 socios I know, look 10 years younger and have no single sorrow line in their faces :)
    &

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  18. To maximize the utility of a socio relationship, one needs to stop assuming the socio thinks in a particular way. Also stop having expectations of them and thinking that somehow they there for you. Don't take it personally but you are only there to serve them. Socios don't know how to return the favour. At least I don't.

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    1. A lot of people have sociopathic tendencies (cluster B group), but they don’t go out of their way to harm/help anyone. Depending on the type of a relationship, they may care/not care about it. Returning a favor is optional, always for everyone, socios or non-socios.

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    2. Socios are cats living in a society of mice and trying to control their impulses.

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    3. They are opportunistic, thieving cowards and liars.

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    4. Opportunistic, yes. Liars, at times yes. Cowards? No. The difference there is that they choose to withdraw cognitively instead of out of fear. Cost-benefit is weighed dispassionately and, once the scale tips the other way, they withdraw. They pick their battles.

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  19. Trying to be as positive minded as possible (since we're really awesome people), so there must be a way to teach people how to make use of sociopaths. But I'm really not interested in teaching people anything. The question here is for me the sociopath how to make use of others without damaging their(my) feelings.

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    1. I think the real problem is that sociopaths are actually massive, raging, homosexuals.

      That explains everything.

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    2. a hole is a hole
      and men scream harder for mercy

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    3. And you're a fucking retard.

      Kill yourself faggot.

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    4. I agree with the homosexual thing. Personally I believe heterosexuality to be an illness.

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    5. And I'm not kidding. Straight people are really fucked up.

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    6. But I don't see why anyone would need to "come out of the closet" when you've got the upper hand in the closet.

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  20. You know I really like the idea of forgiveness. I feel like maybe if we learned how to forgive none of us would have to worry about any of this. It would basically flip flop everything over so that all the good and all the evil would all just be super awesomeness for everyone.

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  21. Fuck you oven-dodgers.

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  22. Dear Anon 2:44 PM: You need to insert a comma immdiately after the "you" that precedes "oven". Otherwise your post makes no sense.

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  23. My sexual orientation is gay Jews.

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    1. thanks for clearing that up. The assumption before was that it was crusty tube socks.

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  24. Dear Anon 3:40 PM: Again, your grammar could do with a bit of polishing.

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  25. Dear Machiavellianempath - just a quick note to say I found your earlier longer post here quite insightful. I also find SW thought-provoking.

    Am currently trying to post under a WordPress user name, but for some reason it says I don't exist, hence my Anon moniker...

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  26. Well Built & Well BredJanuary 28, 2014 at 10:41 PM

    I think its a spectrum. Since I have some empathy and conscience. I can also be neutral and cold at the strangest of times.
    Granted, To a large degree I have made the decision to be good at a young age. Based on what im not entirely sure. That's how I win. Although I can be an opportunist. Im not a predator to ruin people. I dont get enjoyment from that. What I get enjoyment from is getting what I want. I abstain from causing others pain since it feels good to me that those around me are happy and healthy.
    But nooo, I dont want to see you ugly troll baby photo's.

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    1. Enjoyment out of ruining others are sadistic traits, not sociopathic. A sadist gains pleasure out of it. A sociopath feels nothing out of it.

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    2. I do not think so. I noticed
      Schadenfreude and an odd excitement when trying to be mean in a subtle way, awaiting it would arrive in the subconscious of others. Socios are not too gifted, they just use the advantage, that there is little knowledge about this personality variant.

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    3. A sociopath can also have sadistic traits. ME is an example of one. The importance though is to not mix the two - while a sociopath can be sadistic, it is not because they are a sociopath.

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  27. Well Built & Well BredJanuary 29, 2014 at 12:31 AM

    I dated a sociopath for almost 2 years not knowing who he was, or who I was. I was wondering what specifically was going on the whole time. Our relationship quickly became a competition to see who could become the most muscular, have the hottest body, make the most tips when dancing. That IS NOT, what I had wanted to happen. I wanted romance and love. A relationship. Some of you will cringe at the thought of intimacy, well so do I. But I think everyone wants it, or chases it only to realize it disgusts them.
    At first I was a trophy, but there were shinier ones around. Of course me being the porn star, he used me for sex, money, and .
    Him being the hotter one, played all sorts of mind games with me until I was discarded, left wondering why. (And what that discharge was coming out of my urethra.) Did I not have enough Histrionic muscle for him? Well, I figured it out after I went through a major depression. And now I know. He pretended to be like me, like they all do. But what he didnt know was i recognized a piece of myself in him. The whole time I recognized myself in him, the endless searching, vacant, insatiable want for more, greedy oportunism. He lied and bragged constantly, like we all do. But he took it to a whole new level. Similar to M.E.Thomas in her book, but 100 times more. (Loved the book by the way;) I just couldn't believe anyone could take it to that extreme. It was only afterwards that it dawned on me what had happened. I had never heard of this topic before. I didnt know what a Sociopath, or personality disorders were. He was not capable of forming the attachment I assumed everyone was. Well that ended with a thud. And me getting traded in for a new model.
    As dick whipped as I was, I enjoyed it afterwards when his new piece of ass gave him that STI. That felt good.
    One thing he is not aware of is that a few of his exes have drawn the same conclusions now as me, and we talk. Right now he has 4 guys on the go at once. I can not believe that hole isnt worn out by now, but I will always take solice in the fact that I was the one he was with for a long period, dispite the fact im sure he was with a lot of other dudes. After I was dumped, I moved on. Completely changed my lifestyle, and I am now playing a completely different game. The irony is that he still thinks he is Gods Gift to gay penis. But let me tell you, he sent me a naked picture the other day, and drug abuse and endless parties have taken its toll on him. The naked picture he texted me had him standing in a mirror, staring at himself with that "I-know-you-want-this" attitude. There was a time where I would have found that hot. But not anymore. He will always hold a place in my frigid little heart, but I would rather rim the ass of a skunk then go back to that douchebag.

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  28. Well Built & Well BredJanuary 29, 2014 at 12:33 AM

    First off, he lost all his muscle, second, his head is 3 times the size of his body from injecting too much growth hormone. Thirdly, theres that little problem (and I mean little;) problem that I was discarded. So as I look at the naked picture of himself he sent, its quite clear to me that he does not see the loser he has become. How dillusional can someone be? Sociopath or not. Well anyways, I was not hurtful at all to him in this sexting conversation, where he tried to goat me into talking dirty to him. (I am really good at that.) Instead, I spared him. Im not sure why, its not like he has feelings. Afterall, I am simply a sex object to him. I just decided not to be mean. Afterall i love this empty shell. I guess a part of me remembers when I was his object and he use to lecture me about things. I had no clue what he was talking about at the time. In hindsight, I now realize he was trying to teach me to be more like him. I actually think in his twisted brain, he thought he was helping me by showing me how to be cold and calculated like him. This indicates caring on some primitive level. There are countless things i could do to get revenge. Things he has no clue i know. I could rat him out for embezzling money, fraud, or countless other strong suspicions I have. ;) But I chose not too. Its not my battle.
    The stress he caused. He almost made me straight again. Sometimes nothing feels better then a woman. I love the feeling inside.
    Lord knows, I tried to switch back to beautiful, soft curves after that, but got stuck with a pretty little Asian tranny. Looked so real tho I swear. Screw you Christian Mingle dot com!, But what can you do, a holes a hole.
    I have since seen the error of my ways and am happily dating a sweet sexy guy that keeps my narcissism flowing like precum. I still love my ex-sociopath, despite the fast aging effects of hardcore drugs.
    I have just come to accept that he will never love me back. And that is okay with me. I love many things that dont love me back. Its like being in love with a brick. As I am typing this, I am reclining in my easy chair with the softest bathrobe and Tom Ford you have ever felt. I have sprayed tonights random scent of Aqua Di Parma Intensa Oud all over this room smelling like a cheap whore on payday, well maybe not cheap. And THAT is what I love. True love is mens cologne. I dont care if you are a woman, you should still wear mens cologne. Thats true love.
    Anyways,
    In the end, I played a very different game, for different stakes. Dumping me is the best thing he ever did. These days I have a peaceful life, professional employment, and bodybuild in my spare time. I rarely go to circuit parties anymore. I do not touch liquor or drugs. Instead I am quietly clinging to my religion and slowly pursuing my goals. I still have the constant need for excitement since I am chronically bored, but my appetite is satiated by each milestone I accomplish. I am sure he thinks his way is superior. But I have now finally seen the disillusionment in his eyes. I know he thinks he has ruined me, toyed with me, has me dickmitized & dickwhipped. And he use to. But he has focused so much on living in the moment he has forgotten to think long term and become a pathetic drug addict. It is quite sad really. But I cant dwell on it.
    Because In my own mind I am not playing his game, I am playing my own,
    and I have already won

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi wellbuildt,
      nice written touching story. I think it is typical for how the socio behaves and how the empath reacts to it.
      You love, it seems to fulfill but connecting is impossible. Not to be able to connect might be like burying a dead born child.
      The whole thing is different from a rejected love.
      He sent you a foto after the end. This mixture of simplemindness and overbearance I've noticed several times. It made me laugh sometimes.
      &

      Delete
    2. @&,
      Any two people who don’t know/trust each other, and just ASSUME whole lot of things about one another, end up creating a relationship that just like you said resembles a dead child.
      I think, empathy is a spectrum, some are higher in it, some lower, but that doesn’t make anyone better or worse. I agree without sincerity no one can connect/trust/ or truly care. In my opinion, connection can only happen in honest, open relationships.

      BTW. (&) is a cool signature!

      Delete
  29. Gaddam gadam ggodAAmneres nuthin like smellaurethra inamornin!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. “Smell of aurethra inamornin”, do you wet your bed! Sorry to hear. You know, you don’t have to share that with everyone.

      Delete
    2. No i'm a doctor. A gynecologist. I went into gynecology bcause I have a urine fetish, if you must know,
      Start the morning with pt with a raging uti, then spluge on the nurse practitioners desk. Fantastic way to begin a beautiful day.

      Delete
    3. Lol. you are funny! I am a touch leery. So, I thought you were making fun of my lemonade splash picture. As you see, there are some undeniable similarities between your morning dilemma and my google image!
      See you around.

      Delete
    4. Ahaaaaah !
      I KNEW IT. YOu and yoour phony lemonade tearing me apart. All I can think of is urine urinre urine when you come hither.
      Oh you. Leery my ass!

      Delete
    5. You are a low-life, and a very hateful person. I was trying to be as courteous as possible to you, without really offending you. So, don’t misinterpret my friendliness. I’m not your type.

      Delete
    6. I dont misinterpret your friehdlinesss. I know perfectly well its been insincere for oh aporoximately 3, 5 years,

      We have always understood one another perfectly darling .

      Delete
    7. You dont know how to be courteous. Even when you are faking you sound like you are faking. No one around here knows how to fake it well. There is no fucking person fake enough to sound real enough around here. The only person who did it well is ..idk where. I miss them

      Delete
    8. @ y- It was my intention to be an ambiverted fake/real person. I genuinely wanted that. Isn’t this what people do when they lack trust, but they have some respect for the other person.
      @ginger- don’t accuse others of being insincere, when you all are!

      Delete
    9. & one more thing to Ginger, I do NOT “NEED” a little bit of anything from you guys.
      Believe me, I don’t want your friendship, and your friends’ friendship too.
      At this point, I suggest you guys stop your Cyberstalking and get lost.

      Delete
    10. Touch, I though you were jared leto @ 1233. Sorry. I liked your lemonade splash. I meant no harm. I thought u and he were the same. I also thouht u were trying to get me to say I wet my bed . You dont sound nice either. Im just trying to have fun here thats all.

      Delete
    11. I have made a promise to myself to never leave any comment as an “anon”, since few weeks ago, and I have kept my promise, b.c. things get mixed up, but you guys please stop teasing and shaming, I’m not trying to “win” anything here.
      I’m not a bad type, see what you said up there “ aporoximately 3, 5 years, We have always understood one another perfectly darling .” it means “stalking” by legal definition, if I wanted to play unfair, I would have used it against you, but I didn’t.
      Honest truth you guys always been much more harmful to me, than I were to you guys. Sometimes, I wonder if you guys follow any sort of ethics.

      Delete
    12. No it does not mean stalking by definition.

      That comment was for some mean person always poking me , trying to rile me up for his own enjoyment. He said he likes to torment others. I am fun for some reason. Hes a nasty crusty, unpredictable cunt.

      Tbh, I do not believe it that you and he are not one and the same,

      I dont know what to do with a pathological liar. You cannot really ever trust them.

      But just in case you are different people, I am so sorry if that big show a few years back was for real. If it was then im sorry if u suffered. I did not have anything to do with it.Yoi were my friend.

      Delete
    13. Thanks for getting back to me. And clarifying things up, IT HELPED A LOT! I’ve been following this blog for almost a year now- I’m an aspie, so I can relate to some of the things she publishes. But never participated in the chat room till ~ 2.5 months ago, when I saw some of those “keyword” posts. I thought some hateful person got access to my emails and is being a real jerk and wants to stalk and tease, so I got overly protective, trying to be as vague and scary as I could. I was “GHOST BUSTING”, I think you noticed that.

      Now I know who you are! Why didn’t you say that earlier. Why didn’t you guys ever ask me directly. I could clarify those things, in addition of being an aspie, English is my second language, so I say and do awkward stuff. I never had any bad intentions, ever.( nasty crusty, unpredictable cunt is not me) I always felt that you guys preferred to isolate and exclude me, while gossiping and over dramatizing every little silly thing that I did…I think I am the “FUN” character not you. Otherwise you guys were not still following me online-kidding. I’m living ~60 miles away so I can’t reconnect with any of you ever- especially after this abusive project- but Say hi to everyone for me, especially F. Tul.

      My last post here. You guys take care!

      Delete
  30. It doesn't matter whether a person fits neatly into a disorder defined within the DSM-V, because it is axiomatic that people use one another in intimate relationships. That isn't necessarily a negative when conjoined with consent and transparency. Duplicity is a tool often utilized when we are ashamed of our needs, or afraid of another's reaction. To potentially forfeit having a particular want/need sated by risking transparency--opens the door to acceptance. And on an essential level that provides a feast..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duplicity is common in relationships, even very close ones. Pretending to be "more" or "better" than you are in a relationship is a natural phenomenon, which stems back to courtship behavior in animals.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, but intentions and goals of the socio resemble those of an cuckoo's egg: "take me, I'm all yours". And since the little birds can't recognize what's wrong, they start to work very hard, because cockoo gets very big and hungry and the little birds almost don't make it.

      Delete
    3. That only works under the assumption that the other person is extremely submissive or permissive. A greater number of people typically fall outside of that extreme.

      Delete
    4. Right. The empath must be relativly too permissiv. Either a little bit or extremely, from short duration to long duration, the underlying principle remains the same.

      Delete
  31. you are all a bunch of fucking LOSERS. grow up. some people just intellectualize their feelings more than others. not every personality trait is a severe mental disorder. If anything most of you are hypochondriacs who are too afraid to feel so you put yourself into a box you cant get out of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come on you sensitive angry jumping jack. What you read is the process of integration of sociopathy in our minds. To meet a sociopath is a rare event. Let us wine and intellectualize our feelings a little bit, just as long as necessary to go ahead with more important things.

      Delete
  32. “To meet a sociopath is a rare event”, I hope, you were entertained enough so far!

    ReplyDelete

  33. How To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).


    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, Thanks..

    ReplyDelete
  34. I bumped into your post. I don't usually post in blogs but your blog forced me to. Awesome work! Thank you for sharing!
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    ReplyDelete
  35. Part of making your bathroom clean is ensuring it remains functional. Run a rag around the toilet’s base regularly to test for accumulating water. If you see small amounts of water seeping out, the sealing ring could be wearing out, a sign of bigger leaks to come.
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