Saturday, January 25, 2014

The natural born chameleon?

My friend recently told me, "I think it's funny that you are so impressionable, that you think of yourself as a void, because you are one of the strongest personalities I know. You are so distinctive and peculiar."

I could see what she meant. Everyone who knows me for longer than a few hours realizes that I am "quirky." I say all the right words and do all the right moves, but don't quite have the social fluency to seem completely normal. I can also be very lazy about maintaining a mask, particularly in low risk situations or with people who don't matter. Despite seeming distinctive and peculiar, however, I am still extremely impressionable.

Some of the psychologists that I have talked to via the blog have expressed surprise that I consider impressionability and the related weak-sense-of-self to be sociopathic traits. I don't know why they would be surprised. There must be some reason why we are so good at being chameleons, I always just assumed that it was instinctive, a symptom of who I am. Blending in has more or less been a reflex for me as long as I can remember, as it has been for most sociopaths I have known. For instance, this reader:
I moved a lot as a child. I knew how to adapt a fresh persona and ways to gain friends in an expedient fashion before I knew my long division. I also was obliged to lie, convincingly so, about who I was. For years I wasn't even allowed to use my own name and acknowledge where I was from.

When you speak of impressionability, that for me was sort of a survival tactic. America has many different cultural microcosms that vary so much, if they didn't speak English you'd guess it was a different country. I had to learn the local social norms and adapt to them quickly, and also their accents and local lexicon. Even more lizard-brain style mannerisms would be local, like specific body language gestures. In that case, I guess it isn't necessarily lizard-brain, but you understand.

I essentially spent years learning how to be other people. So much so, that I had no idea who I even was when I was allowed to be Me again. I still don't even know if I have a real Me. And it doesn't bug me, either, if anything, it entertains me.

I know for a fact that I did some very odd antisocial behavior, like practice emoting in front of a mirror, accents, etc. but when I was that age, I didn't realize that everyone came with their own emotional cheat-sheet, and I was the only one that had to study for the test.
When I read things like this or think back on my own early experiences, I wonder -- do we learn how to be chameleons? Is it learned behavior to subjugate who we "really are," perhaps as a survival tactic? And maybe after we've pretended for so many years we just forget who we used to be? Or are we born with our shapeshifting abilities? Maybe we're like liquids or gases, always taking on the shape of our environment. Because we do have some finite qualities, we just have no where near the rigidity of the typical empath.

320 comments:

  1. ME is an aspie for shizzle.

    In terms of being impressionable, I have inadvertently mimicked people a lot. The more I observe someone, the more I accommodate them into my psyche.

    For instance.

    There was this girl in high school who had some kind of degenerative bone disease that made her walk kind of funny. I liked to watch her a lot. Soon enough, I started walking like her, and only semi-consciously.

    An onlooker might assume I was making fun of her, but I wasn't. I suppose I just wanted to know what it was like to be her. There might have even been a little bit of envy involved, but that a whole other thing.

    Also, a large part of my current personality (mostly outward personality, my core always stays the same) is made up of parts of old boyfriends. The parts I admired and envied.

    Like I said before, I'm a scavenger.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There should be a personality disorder termed "troll personality disorder" or some shit, i never knew what internet trolling was, seriously, i just fucked with people for the hell of it, i never gave it a name, even when i smile it's exactly like that troll face.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I only copy a persons behavior if i have envy for them, i admire similar assholes like myself in general, i like to use the word "pinhead" because Billo uses it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love being different people. I spend my entire life switching personalities and views. Its a endless web of personalities that are tailored for different types of people.

    Sometimes I do it for fun. One of the first tricks I pulled in the comment section was being three different commentors with different opinions. People jumped on sides of the different personalities based on how they played to who they were. It was a fun experiment. Those were the good old days before people saw it coming.....sigh

    ReplyDelete
  5. You know what they say, evil has many faces.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I become the environment within my context for survival purposes and further knowledge.

    ReplyDelete
  7. A lot of people are two faced.

    ReplyDelete
  8. LMFAO i love aspies.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This place is like the anti love fraud. Anyone up for some LF trolling?

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I always hear of how sociopaths are "street smart", that is true to a degree but i think a sociopaths smart is very different, i mean anyone who has grown up in a harsh setting will be to some level "street smart". Most hustlers and junkies would be street smart, but they do not have the world view of a psychopath, I have talked to heroin addicts, and it baffled me of how desperate for love most of them are, one told me that he became an addict because his dad never accepted him, that's not a sociopath.

    Although a socio is street smart, their thinking is usually far outside the box.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can't agree Aerianne, especially on here, sociopaths are notoriously closed minded (usually) i can honestly say I have been the same since i was very young, my personality is strong, outside influence does not change anything.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. i'm a little confused. if a socio crafts a personality, does he/she plan it beforehand? is it a socio trait to be talking with someone and find, 20 minutes later or so, that you sound just like the person you're talking to--it just seems to happen automatically? or is the last more a.s. or bpd.

    or none of the above. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  16. i get the feeling there is far too much repetition of the same over and over here. does anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  17. No, it's never planned, self aware sociopaths might make fake persona's and could even go to acting school to pull these off. Usually when i create a persona it is completely out of my self awareness, my personality has a unique way of adapting to situations. In the company of the weak, you have the dominant mask, when you are around those who are not fearful of you, you use the cautious mask, but no it's not usually planned, i suppose i just go with the flow.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anon, it's hardly repetition, if anything it is the opposite, we are likely to get bored easy, so we never stay with the same discussion. It's a little ironic of you to say that.

    ReplyDelete
  19. yes there is a lot of repetition
    the "enjoyment of suffering" topic however gets relatively little attention I've noticed especially blog author wise

    it's likely S's shape "personalities" in real time.. they reflect back and of course can plan and put out a general persona as well.. but this is shaped on an individual basis

    ReplyDelete
  20. Why do you think it gets little attention?

    ReplyDelete
  21. "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
    - William Shakespeare

    ReplyDelete
  22. it's likely S's shape "personalities" in real time.. they reflect back and of course can plan and put out a general persona as well.. but this is shaped on an individual basis

    For me, this is absolutely correct.

    ReplyDelete
  23. How was your holiday, dear?

    Earlier I asked what aspie attributes you have and you used the term "initial sensitivity." After some thought, I realized that I don't know exactly what you mean by this. Could you elaborate?

    ReplyDelete
  24. hi pythias

    yes


    re not much of that topic... maybe because it doesn't evoke pity if you were trying to do that.. may not be flattering to the widest audience etc

    though i think it may have once or twice been explained away as a misunderstanding by empaths

    the Yes. aspie is a fake one

    ReplyDelete
  25. Let me take the sausage from my asshole and I'll tell you, one sec.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hmm... I don't think I understood any of that, but thanks for trying anyway. :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Pythias whats cracking thought you had gone?

    ReplyDelete
  28. was answering an earlier question pythias

    holiday was ok thanks
    yours?

    initial sensitivity... just meant that thats what was shaped into "as"

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh, well that explains why I didn't understand anything. :)

    It was fine.

    I still don't understand what it is, but that's okay. I'm just curious.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I joined a new social network. It's trouble already..in that I've been on the computer more.

    Anon..that's gross. Why the need to be a terd?

    ReplyDelete
  31. aspie, do you think people are simply unable to process the repetition or it is simply that they enjoy repeating the same over and over again. very young children sure love repetition and would never complain. by the way i'm not referring to ME's posts, i'm referring to remarks.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'd agree with that comment you quoted too, Pythias.

    @Aerianne/Anon: I think what you're saying is close minded is arrogance in the face of someone they don't feel is to their level, or worthy to be taken seriously. That sort of arrogance/ego can be kept in check, just like any other "negative" trait.

    Aerianne, although there's nothing wrong with your logic with personality building, the comment was on constant pretending, living the lie so to say. I'd wager stepping back and embracing the "old" or "original" personality would be very difficult or not possible at all, and at the very least feel alien, not like riding a bike again. Maybe like roller skates... heh

    ReplyDelete
  33. i think maybe people enjoy it
    it's an interesting dynamic here

    ReplyDelete
  34. @aerianne and anon--thanks for earlier responses. do any of the socios here find that they're sometimes told that they're even sounding just like a person they've been spending a lot of time with--i mean they physical sound of his/her voice, not necessarily viewpoint-wise--and that you weren't even aware you were picking up these speech patterns?

    if so, do you sometimes retain the speech patterns long after that person isn't in your life any more?

    ReplyDelete
  35. i had a socio friend and i would subtly mimic back some of his mannerisms that i liked back to him (lisp etc), but not to anyone else, this felt natural not forced or planned

    ReplyDelete
  36. yes, very interesting.

    once this girl told me that she copies my hand movements. i took it as a compliment, so ignorant of me.

    ReplyDelete
  37. thanks, aspie. but once you were out of his presence, you no longer had his mannerisms? or did they remain in other situations too?

    ReplyDelete
  38. pretty much only around him as I recall though it might have spilled out in to other things around that time, not sure

    ReplyDelete
  39. do any of the socios here find that they're sometimes told that they're even sounding just like a person they've been spending a lot of time with

    Many people involved with socios have said that they felt like they "had known them their entire lives" in the beginning.

    I'm sure this is directly related to the mimicking.

    So beware of this old cliche.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Link didn't work, Medusa.

    For me, sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't.

    ReplyDelete
  41. And how it just happens to relate to this blog topic (which I didn't do on purpose, interestingly enough):

    Moreover, research confirms that the people who say they are empathic actually demonstrate empathy in discernible ways, ranging from mimicking others’ postures to helping people in need...

    ReplyDelete
  42. thanks for the article. i'm curious if our socios here feel they read less than others (see a synopsis from the article). UKan, how about you?

    'reading may be linked to empathy. In a study published earlier this year psychologist Raymond A. Mar of York University in Toronto and others demonstrated that the number of stories preschoolers read predicts their ability to understand the emotions of others. Mar has also shown that adults who read less fiction report themselves to be less empathic'

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anne Beattie’s New Yorker Stories (Scribner 2010). stories around entrapped, narcissistic, melancholy men and women who speak through silences more than words.

    ReplyDelete
  44. i'm still confused. :D

    i guess it's just a matter of intent. or maybe it's a matter of degree. or maybe both.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I never read a book willingly in my life.

    ReplyDelete
  46. above Zed. i guess the fiction reading didn't help me. i love it, i used to bury myself in it. but for me, it was an escape from having to be around real people. :D

    ReplyDelete
  47. Thanks aspie, that book looks interesting. I might actually check it out.

    I used to read voraciously (non-internet, that is) until a couple of years ago when I started smoking too much weed.

    ReplyDelete
  48. I bought a few true crime books, the night stalker, and the river man but i never got around to reading them, waste of money i suppose. I wish there were Machiavellian type of magazines sold which weren't completely useless, maybe then id read something besides a porno mag.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Some of you socios need to expand your mind a little bit. Probably would be useful to you in the long run.

    Close-minded indeed, as someone commented earlier.

    ReplyDelete
  50. You box yourself in and limit your power when you only care and know about serial killers, crime, Machiavelli, etc.

    Push past the obvious.

    ReplyDelete
  51. It's true though, if you don't reel us in with a nice front we aren't going to buy it. Id argue that we are the hardest of people to please. I never read M.E's long post's either, and I'm sure some others don't. I look at people who are fascinated with math and other boring shit, i don't know what goes through the heads of people like that. I guess it's good to have people around like that though, i mean if the astronomers weren't looking out for meteors who would know it's coming?

    ReplyDelete
  52. True Medusa, but i can't force myself to like boring material, I'm not going to teach myself to play the piano so i can come off as more sophisticated, I don't like watching opera, I'm sure most sociopaths are similar, as in they like watching cage fighting, bull fighting etc.

    ReplyDelete
  53. not all socios--or those who suspect they might be socio---read only crime fiction, medusa. i've noticed there's a pretty broad set of interests here. i actually get very attached to authors because of their plasticity--the ability to live someone else's life with their words. i think arundhati roy is my favorite, and has been for a while. she's all the empathy i don't have, and it's wonderful to live inside her words for a while.

    it's kind of like borrowed empathy. but it's interesting to know what it's like.

    ReplyDelete
  54. That's why I said "some of you socios", Zed.

    Anon, shit that looks boring at first becomes interesting once you begin to understand it. And since socios have a hard time not being bored I do not see how this could be bad advice.

    I'm not saying be a pretentious snob or anything... just be a little more curious.

    ReplyDelete
  55. there are socios who can't have enough opera. am i wrong on that one?

    ReplyDelete
  56. I honestly can't see how a sociopath would enjoy opera, probably Alex Delarge or another fantasy land one.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Well learning about anything in depth is awfully hard for me, my lack of insight into most things is horrible, but i could act like an expert knowing only the basics, because I'm a good talker.

    ReplyDelete
  58. There are a few socios here who do indeed appreciate the classical stuff. And are just curious in general, not just about snobby stuff.

    Clue: the ones with more interesting things to say.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Yup, classical material is ten fold more interesting than violence..

    ReplyDelete
  60. I read a lot in prison and when I was expelled I spent a lot of time at the library reading history. I've always liked history.
    I don't read fiction because most of it is boring. There are real monsters and real heroes. I want to watch them go at it in real life. I want to take part in the action. When you read about non fiction it tells you how to get in there and do something. Fiction is just a distraction like TV.
    Aerianne:
    I'm going to start calling you Anne, since I have a friend named that who's just like you.
    You are right when you say empathetic people do wear masks. However, when empathetic people put on a mask it is thin, and sometimes even glass. As a society we even encourage it, as its seen as polite.
    A sociopaths mask is a entire identity. Its tailor made for you. If you want to see just how vivid each personality is, walk around a place where a sociopath has established themselves and talk to people that know him/her. After talking to several people you will start thinking they must be talking a bout a few individuals. Really its the same person with a personality for each person s/he felt to be useful or important.
    For my enemies I am relentless and cruel, so they leave me be. For my friends I am indifferent, so they keep pursuing my friendship. For the hippy club owner I am a man of fairness and peace struggling with my inner demons. For my soldiers I am Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. For my family I am the the new successful music producer (that's what they really think I do). Most people delude themselves about you anyway. Even if you told them you were a sociopath I'm sure they would deny it. Build on the theory they tell themselves.
    All of these roles require work. You can't act like you are trying to be any of these things, you have to fully personify them. I have back stories, I have my favorite expressions, and I do small things that build on their theory about who I am. I've been doing all of this subconsciously for no reason all my life till I understood myself better. No I do it with purpose.

    ReplyDelete
  61. opera exaggarates empathic emotions. a high-functioning socio could find that interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Look at UKan's speech, he lacks the depth in it which I'm referring to, the insight, am i wrong UKan?

    ReplyDelete
  63. those are not masks, UKan. those are how different people relate to your different sides. nobody's family knows what the heck their children are exactly doing.

    mask has to do with your personality type not relevant activity.

    ReplyDelete
  64. sometimes it isn't all pretension. i tend to like authors who take something ugly and make it into something beautiful. sometimes i think that's really the only thing you can do with it. otherwise, it eats you alive.

    i tend to feel as though i'm always screaming inside. i sometimes think the authors i get attached to are doing the same---but they've found a way to make the scream meaningful.

    there's something to that i find beauty in... even though i'm not supposed to find beauty in anything.

    ReplyDelete
  65. I used to read a ton of fiction, and as I got older I became more interested in non-fiction.

    Fiction is good for understanding and exploring the subtleties in life, non-fiction is good once you are ready for action.

    UKan may not seem like a 'deep' person, or even educated in the traditional sense, but I think his insight is heads above most peoples'.

    Insight smarts is more useful than book-smarts-in-a-vacumn in my book.

    True intelligence requires curiosity.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I know it's not really pretension, but the people who don't understand it see it as so. So I am using their own language to communicate with them.

    ReplyDelete
  67. If you have both insights smarts and book smarts, then you can rule the world.

    ReplyDelete
  68. You don't know what i am talking about. A psychopathic inmate once told a publisher that the book about his life was going to be the number one best seller, he hadn't a clue about the little gray areas in between that happening, psychopaths have no depth to them, and the brain stores information chaotically, in other words all over the place.

    If you ever meet a psychopath you will understand how starved of insight they are.

    ReplyDelete
  69. non-fiction is where art is added to reality, well-spiced food versus blunt raw vegetables. i like both.

    ReplyDelete
  70. I see what you mean, anon. They have a hard time seeing things from different angles, even themselves.

    But we are not talking about crazed psycho-narcissistic prison inmates with tunnel-vision, are we? We are talking about the ones next door. The ones not in prison and the ones who actually learned something after being in prison. The young ones who still have a chance before they do something stupid enough to land them in prison.

    The ones that come to this blog.

    They may still have a lesser form of tunnel-vision, but they do at least have a wider perspective than the raving crazed dudes.

    ReplyDelete
  71. True in a way, you are right about the sociopaths on this blog, they obviously have the insight into their inner worlds to forge a control. It's important to note that you should switch the insight switch off when you are out and about, it might make you feel the victims pain ;]

    ReplyDelete
  72. You think I don't see the pain I cause? Its not lack of insight, its lack of giving a shit.

    ReplyDelete
  73. husband chorus...lol...

    computer technician Leon Walker faces a jury trial in February for allegedly hacking into his then-wife's e-mail account.

    Walker says the e-mails revealed that Clara Walker, who has been married three times, was having an affair with her second husband.
    Walker, the third husband, shared the documents with his wife's first husband, who then used them to file an emergency motion to obtain custody of his son with Clara Walker. Leon Walker said he and the first husband were both concerned because, according to Walker, husband No. 2 had been previously arrested on a domestic violence charge.

    ReplyDelete
  74. As stated, a glib answer answer.


    marked by lack of intellectual depth; "glib generalizations"; "a glib response to a complex question"

    I'm probably the most glib person here.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Having a ready flow of words but lacking accuracy or understanding; superficial; shallow; Smooth or slippery; Artfully persuasive in nature

    ReplyDelete
  76. Ill tell you what. Let's make a deal. You put a name on yourself so that YOU have some depth of character, and I will show you just how much insight I have.

    ReplyDelete
  77. truth hurts the most UKan... sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Is that you aspie?

    ReplyDelete
  79. You'd think they'd change their pattern up when they use different aliases, it's Zed.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Okay, i believe you aspie man.

    ReplyDelete
  81. The truth does hurt the most. Is that what you are afraid of? Being hurt with the truth?

    ReplyDelete
  82. It amazes me that Julian Assange is still breathing.

    ReplyDelete
  83. no honey, it's that you seem to be having a hard time accepting the fact that you have no deep insight. you are a brute force kind of guy, no finesse. let's call me UKAN'T

    ReplyDelete
  84. I was thinking that a few minutes ago. I get angry/depressed usually because there's some new truth around the corner. Once I deal with it I'm all light and sunshine.

    The email hacking story... saw that earlier, so lame. Who hasn't done that at some point. Maybe not everyone, but a fuckload of people definitely has.

    ReplyDelete
  85. do you consider yourself white trash deep down, UKan? show me what a white trash means when he talks about deep insight

    ReplyDelete
  86. Interesting video on psychopaths.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgGyvxqYSbE

    ReplyDelete
  87. Lol I skimmed that video and the choice of imagery and examples with the dead-pan narrator's delivery on top is hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I like that name. Its fitting.
    What makes you think I'm about brute force? Why do you envision me to being white?

    ReplyDelete
  89. do i over-punctuate that much? (i was actually gone for a while.) is that why someone would think it's me? (and if you're going to pretend to be me, please put the semi-colon inside the quotation marks.

    thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  90. I've been here too long. Last night I dreamt I was being enrolled in an orgy-filled Private School For Borderlines. No kidding.

    God.

    ReplyDelete
  91. What do you guys think of the video? Meh, It's kind of crap

    ReplyDelete
  92. I love the picture of the devil it flashes on the video. We arent truely alive? Wow.

    ReplyDelete
  93. ^ edit: left out right parenthesis.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Its propaghanda. Plain and simple. Fear mongering at best. One of those, there's a monster next door type specials.

    ReplyDelete
  95. I cannot take anything that tells me that Paris Hilton is a psychopath seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  96. excellent video to send to socio ex

    ReplyDelete
  97. She was in the narc section, but yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Oh. I barely skimmed with video.

    ReplyDelete
  99. lol Lindsay Lohan!
    Psychobitch. seriously, Medusa, I found the comibination of questionable imagery and the voiceover funny too.

    i didn't think what he had to say was terrible though. Not a bad intro for people who know nothing about the subject whatsoever. Sorry Ukan, if you disagree.

    ReplyDelete
  100. It's dumb, shes hardly a full blown narc either, of course she is narcissistic. I'd slap her with the histrionic diagnoses.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Wow, actually this video is almost a pop-culture post-modern work of art.

    ReplyDelete
  102. i think the narrator is a psycho. He sounds like a frigging robot who's learnt to talk that morning. Bless all the weirdness in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  103. This might actually be worth watching the whole way through. It's actually better than I thought it would be.

    Juggalos!

    ReplyDelete
  104. He sounds like a huge nerd.

    ReplyDelete
  105. shut up and watch bitches, having adhd, talking before listening

    ReplyDelete
  106. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  107. ????? Where is the insight big boy? Don't focus on white, focus on trash and take a shot at showing insight cowchip

    UKan said...
    Ill tell you what. Let's make a deal. You put a name on yourself so that YOU have some depth of character, and I will show you just how much insight I have.

    ReplyDelete
  108. I used to live immediately across the street from that blue Scientology building. Weirdest place ever. Slow moving Mexican ghetto-of-ghettos on one side of the street, Scientology clones/drones running around everywhere like ants on the other side.

    Strangest juxtaposition/contrast ever.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Interesting video. President Obama too? That's a scary thought. I like how it shows people of all classes having this behavior. I used to think it was only criminals. But that's too obvious!

    ReplyDelete
  110. Most criminals aren't sociopaths surprisingly. When you start looking at hitmen and those sort of crimes, obviously the numbers rise.

    ReplyDelete
  111. notme said... Last night I dreamt I was being enrolled in an orgy-filled Private School For Borderlines

    so, did you come? BPDs? mostly female in the orgy? was NP there too?

    ReplyDelete
  112. What is the plans for the new years everyone?

    ReplyDelete
  113. no, it was male/female. It was pretty hot. I rarely dream of sex tbh.
    It was set in a huge mansion. And i was trying to figure out how to hook up with this one guy. Hmmm...
    It was a secret orgy, not a publicised one. After all, it's a school for borderlines and sex was off limits, apparently.

    ReplyDelete
  114. That video turned out to be pretty good.

    notme, would that be the Playboy mansion?

    ReplyDelete
  115. I dunno, drink myself into a stupor and go look for a fight.

    ReplyDelete
  116. I'm going to drink, smoke, get laid and have a nice dinner. No fighting.

    ReplyDelete
  117. haha, maybe. Everyone was in school uniform and then at one point everyone was in business suits and that's when the sex-antics went crazy.

    anyway, enough about my stupid dream.

    ReplyDelete
  118. I'm going to hang out with my niece and nephew and sister.

    That video made me want to run my ex out of town or worse just for my own pleasure. I might just do it, too. I've been mulling over the best way to do it for years now.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Go for it Medusa, no point in letting him away with it.

    ReplyDelete
  120. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  121. I really can't deal when someone gets one over on me. It's the narc in me.

    ReplyDelete
  122. How bad was he? Physically abusive bad?

    ReplyDelete
  123. Yeah that little bit made me pause a little, too, Aerianne.

    But I think the point is that they can display many personality types. For all intents and purposes.

    ReplyDelete
  124. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  125. No, not physically abuse towards me at all (outside the kinky stuff), although his ex told me he was physically violent towards her, though I don't know the details of that.

    What makes me think he's a narc instead of a socio is that he always requested to be abused in the bedroom, though I never much did it. Could've been him testing me, but I'm not sure.

    He was proud of me, though, when I did slap him in the face.

    ReplyDelete
  126. He sounds like a masochistic borderline. What a gimp.

    ReplyDelete
  127. Funny, I never did consider borderline. It's a possibility worth mulling over.

    ReplyDelete
  128. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  129. You haven't met a bad abuser, a narcissist would have cut you off from your social life, I'm not a narc but i witnessed it.

    ReplyDelete
  130. "He's the scariest, most unpredictable man I've ever been with, and he switches gears like Lance Armstrong or something," his ex once said of him.

    And this girl has been around. He definitely tried to cut her off from her social life.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Well no I'm not that philosophical, if my boss enjoyed darwinism I'd pick up one of darwins works.

    ReplyDelete
  132. He also has bouts of deep depression, and eventually got meds.

    Socios don't get depressed ever, do they?

    ReplyDelete
  133. There are cases of comorbidity with depression.

    ReplyDelete
  134. I'm inspired pretty often by multiple mediums. I really should keep a back pocket notebook on me, but frankly, that's too nerdy even for me.

    It has to do with the opportunism, perhaps. That, coupled with the impulse control, and I'd wager we start projects off of inspiration more than most.

    Now finishing them... heh.

    They also provoke my imagination, and as I am a writer, that helps, a lot. I like to write while I listen to music, and when I go back to read it, I can tell with the pacing.

    ReplyDelete
  135. No, dysphoric but I wouldn't say depressed. depression is an aggression pointed at oneself, sociopaths rarely self reflect, there isn't much within.

    ReplyDelete
  136. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  137. It's true, art isn't for inspiration, in terms of inciting one to action.

    Maybe "passion" is the keyword?

    ReplyDelete
  138. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  139. I'm not sure, but I've engaged in art for as long as I can think back, and a lot has been born of inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  140. I don't have an apeciation for are and culture, I think like an animal, I am not fooling anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  141. Yeah the video dude's semantics are a little off key, but I like how he ties the whole sociopath thing in with how the world works as a whole, and I liked how he addressed the power play stuff at the end, and turned the battle against a psycho into a videogame/war/lord of the rings type of scenario.

    ReplyDelete
  142. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  143. You can be inspired to do something similar to what the art is, but art in and of itself is not about inspiring the spectator.

    Art is just a pair of eyes, nothing more.

    ReplyDelete
  144. I used to tear peoples artwork off the wall in school, when was really young and rip it up.

    ReplyDelete
  145. i think that art IS narcissism, plain and simple, no?

    ReplyDelete
  146. i'm out of pills for a second day running and feel like killing myself. i won't, but i feel like it.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Why not? It's not as bad as it sounds notme

    ReplyDelete
  148. Yes, it is, absolutely. But it's the good kind of narcissism. For both artist and spectator.

    ReplyDelete
  149. What kind of pills are you on?

    And are you upset at all about breaking up with your boyfriend? Because you seemed so flippant about it yesterday...

    ReplyDelete
  150. What is your email notme, I'll help you, seems you are feelingnlow in yourself. :/

    ReplyDelete
  151. SSRIs, i've been withdrawing from not having them for two days. you aren't supposed to stop just like that, but i ran out. I've been so jittery and shaky, headaches and generally messed up for two days.

    I was upset for him, Medusa. As for me, I knew i was gonna do it for ages. I just didn't plan the conversation for yesterday, it just happened. I may act flippant, but i'm just a mess at the moment.

    I can't really think about him too much when I've got my own crap to deal with. Aside from everything else, my head feels numb too. Yeah, I'm the picture of health right now.~

    ReplyDelete
  152. thank you Anon. I'll be fine. Just need to get those pills in me and it will stabilise me a bit.

    I apologise for yesterday, I was so up and down. Quite funny actually.

    ReplyDelete
  153. You are bleeding from the neck.

    ReplyDelete
  154. I've all up and down, too, so it's even.

    And I think anon was trying to play you.

    ReplyDelete
  155. Are you going to get more Notme? Be careful.

    ReplyDelete
  156. You know well enough that just stopping SSRIs will fuck you up. Are you in some way doing this to yourself on purpose?

    ReplyDelete
  157. thanks Medusa, these Anons are one big blur sometimes.

    Thanks Grace. I'm abroad, so it will be a struggle to find some. But my dad's on the case. God love him! He's so funny. He's so proactive, running around trying to be helpful. He's a human tornado. sheesh.

    WV: in arce (naughty)

    ReplyDelete
  158. Anon you need pills more than Notme does. Make an appointment for yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  159. Oh ok. It's good someone is one the case.

    ReplyDelete
  160. notme runs out of food, out of pills, out of mind. time to start checklists to gain some control in life. masturbation helps too.

    ReplyDelete
  161. no i'm not Medusa. I really ran out and didn't plan to stay abroad so long without them.
    You're right, it's easy to underestimate how these synthetic drugs can mess you up so badly.

    ReplyDelete
  162. You know notme there are some gais out there who will pay you alot of money if you pwn yourself on cam.

    ReplyDelete
  163. I know you said you ran out, but I would think a person would be prepared to get more before running out, see, especially if you have experienced this withdrawal before and know what it is like.

    Even junkies can do it, if nothing else.

    ReplyDelete
  164. take responsibility, notme. it's not the drugs, it's you who first needs and then can't keep a supply

    ReplyDelete
  165. thanks Ukan. I'll remember that advice. :P

    ReplyDelete
  166. just my insight, i reckon. your welcome.

    ReplyDelete
  167. just watch what you eat and don't let anything get to you. I came off mine a few months ago, I had to take meds for bi polar. I didn't take a high dose and when I ran out I didn't have the co pay so I thought it was a good time to stop..it took me 2 months to come off it but I'm ok...but when I needed them they worked for me.

    masterbation could be a plus..lol.

    ReplyDelete
  168. I don't mean to get all up in your case, I am just curious about you and how your mind works.

    You are the only one like you here.

    ReplyDelete
  169. @notme: it might be good to call a help line or the med center nearest you just to talk. they might be able to get you back on meds sooner, too.

    hope things better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  170. a bipolar nurse. just don't get sick people.

    ReplyDelete
  171. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  172. i've had dysphoria/depression for years. It's my first foray into pill world. I hate them. It's always a last resort.

    by the way, you can't masterbate on them. You can't orgasm. They fuck your sexuality up and make you feel less human. sickening.

    ReplyDelete
  173. is this really notme, or is someone playing her. it does not add up.

    ReplyDelete
  174. she'd spell masturbation correctly

    ReplyDelete
  175. grace can't spell, and this copy cat simply copied grace's spelling, or it's grace

    ReplyDelete
  176. I've never been on meds, and I probably will never be.

    If I get depressed I take OTC stuff (5-HTP + L-Tyrosine and vitamins, especially D) which is supposed to work just as well without the crap side effects, and no weaning necessary.

    ReplyDelete
  177. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  178. thanks guys. I appreciate the support. I'll sort it out.

    but if you can imagine having a rollercoaster ride in your head, that's how i'm feeling right now.
    All that metal hitting the sides of your skull and then the rest of the body...

    it's shit.

    i can't always spell masturbation correctly right now. For reason, see above ^^^^!

    ReplyDelete
  179. I was thinking about trying some natural remedies but I don't know what to take. I'm afraid something will make me feel up..I don't really need that because it may make me anxious instead. I'm going to read up on it.

    ReplyDelete
  180. Half the time I don't even bother with the OTC stuff and just deal.

    Supplements are just that: supplements. Not psychological meals.

    ReplyDelete
  181. Everyone sees you as a slut on here notme all you talk about is sex, and how you want every sociopath on earth to dry hump you, nobody respects you on here, your nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  182. i didn't know you have bi-polar Grace.

    seems like 99% of people here have something about them.

    ReplyDelete
  183. I had an ex who had temporary anorgasmia when she started taking her pills. Drove her batty and took a bit to get out of her system.

    ReplyDelete
  184. lol Anon. That actually gave me a chuckle. thanks.

    anorgasmia. word of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  185. Anon @ 4:34, you're the only one feeble minded enough to come here in hopes of boosting your self-esteem.

    FAIL.

    ReplyDelete
  186. My ex had some issues on them. Totally lost his libido for a while, could barely get an erection. Stopped being able to write songs.

    Didn't have much of an erection before then either, though...

    Yeah were all fucked up. That's why we're here.

    ReplyDelete
  187. I'm curious, though, notme, why you ended up here, and stayed here, seeing as that you are not a sociopath and haven't mentioned a sociopath ex or family member as far as I can recall.

    ReplyDelete
  188. haha. Nice one Medusa.

    ReplyDelete
  189. It's on the lower end of the spectrum. I get hypomanic. I think a lot of it comes from stress and my personality doesn't do well with stress. I jog and do yoga and it really helps. Going to look into the otc stuff too.

    ReplyDelete
  190. I did have a socio ex for a while. It was over a year ago.

    I started reading about them. And all at the same time, I started reading about myself. That's when I learnt about BPD and got a diagnosis. I only came here after I'd learnt quite a bit about sociopathy. I gained insight about a lot of people in my life, as well as him. It's been a hell of a year for me.

    ReplyDelete

Comments on posts over 14 days are SPAM filtered and may not show up right away or at all.

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.