Friday, June 24, 2011

Too smart

I have been thinking recently about what it means to be very smart. I always score in the 99th percentile of standardized tests. I have a job that is very prestige oriented, for which you have to be smart, brilliant even. And I'm actually very good at my job. Some of my friends that know about the blog and me being a sociopath wonder if maybe I'm not a sociopath at all, maybe I am just smart -- too smart to get caught up in the emotional muck that most people are mired in?

I don't know, it makes me wonder, and it sort of makes me anxious to think that my intelligence would have such a profound effect on the way I perceive the world, the way I move in the world.

I have mixed feelings about being so smart. It's sometimes hard to get out of my head and a lot of the time people don't really respect it, they look down on me for it unless they're prestige whores and then they're not the type of person I would even want to be impressed.


  1. Frankly, I think you're gifted and A.S. Shoot me.

    It's easy to see all your motivations as coming from the darkest part of you if you've been told you suck enough for not doing what's socially expected of you (and/or for being inappropriate often enough).

    That's just my opinion.

  2. Why would you tell your friends you are a sociopath?

  3. Anon, over time it just becomes obvious. Anyone intuitive would pick up on all the pieces and put them together.
    And if yourself aware or not. There's really not much to hide if your not into illegal stuff.

    One socio being decent could change many people's perseption. Each person should be excepted or rejected for their own action's, not the group on a whole.

    word verification; develi

  4. Ok guys, leaving everything aside. I am curious what you think of ME's apparent narcissism or whatever it is...

    Do you think you could come up with an opinion?

  5. I haven't seen ME exploit anyone through this blog, it's not to some extreme like other's where their superiority (or assumed) is used to humiliate those who post.

  6. So tik, you say that ME doesn't suffer from narcissism. Ok, what do you think of his statement however ...

  7. ME is a bit like vaknin in the way that he almost never speaks directly to his readers.

  8. ME is everyone understood your greatness. All would be forgiven.

  9. A psychopath without his narcissism is a very un attractive psychopath.

  10. Very nice blog.
    Quit being an attention whore.
    You're not a sociopath, you're a faggot.
    Being smart has nothing to do with feelings. It is very commum to be manipulative, have shallow emotions, and to be paranoid.
    Why do you care? So much for being so smart have you ever asked yourself that question?
    "intelligence would have such a profound effect on the way I perceive the world"
    Obviously it does, and its not only intelligence, its everything you've "learned", and this learning i am talking about starts before you are even born and ofc it has an effect on the way you perceive the world.
    I think i'll keep reading your blog it does have many interesting things, please keep up your good work.
    To end this idea of being a sociopath take a neuroimaging test the doctors will focus on the cerebral cortex and tell you that everything looks normal.

  11. If M.E isn't grandiose, wouldn't that cancel the "grandiose sense of self worth" trait off? And if that was the case he wouldn't have the sense of entitlement? IMO most of what the psychopath is stems from his grandiosity.

  12. I look down on most of the world. They can't even begin to contemplate my intellect let alone my wisdom. When I speak to people directly I think they should be thankful.

  13. A psychopath without grandiosity is an antisocial.

  14. just as an actor like charlie sheen can become a narcissist through environment, so some very intelligent and self-aware people can develop cerebral narcissism.

  15. iq is the standard measure of intelligence, standard iq is 100.

    i ride at an iq 133 (98.6096601092%) percentile, and im as dumb as they come, so your really just a faggot.

    and you operate according to bullshit measures of "society".

    including the idea that "empathy" even matters. it doesn't. as long as you aren't a mal?path, what difference does it make?

  16. No narcissists are self aware, Vaknin knows he has npd, but that is as self aware as he will ever be. You can't develop narcissism later either, it happens in childhood. Even when a narc is very young you can notice their narcissistic traits the same with a psychopath, young Stalin was the leader of a gang of boys, I believe he was 6 or 7.

    There is a famous photograph with young Stalin, he made the photographer take the picture and placed himself in the back row in the center of everyone.

    Psychopathic children are always worse behaved than other children, even in comparison to "known" trouble makers.

  17. The sociopath I know seems incredibly intelligent to me (as a person of average IQ!) but he always told me that he was very stupid.

    Of course, I can't believe a word he says but I have the idea that he was aware of his lack of ability to feel things like other people. Of course in no way does he genuinely believe he's stupid (he's quite arrogant) but I believe he was referring to his 'emotional blindness'.

    When I finally realized out he was probably a sociopath I wanted to think of him as an 'untouchable' someone so terrible that I couldn't/shouldn't be associated with him. But it's weird how the label we attach to people doesn't fully define them.

    I also work with a child who has sociopathic tendencies. What are you supposed to do, just say "Oh, well, he'll never change so we might as well write him off as a lost cause?" As an educator you simply can't do that to any kid. That leaves me with a lot of unanswered questions how to deal with both my friend and that child.

    This blog does help some, thanks.

  18. I often wonder the same thing M.E.

  19. Average IQ is stunningly low. I personally can't comprehend being able to function with that level of intellect.
    As for the effect high intelligence has on your perception of things... I can't imagine how anyone could prefer emotion and the ability to be content with your place in society to being clever.

  20. Befriending a sociopath or a narc is like having a crocodile as a pet, you try to see the goodness in it even when it bites you, it gives you a funny look and you find it "cute" the pet owner is blissfully ignorant to the fact that the only reason the crocodile doesn't devour you is because you feed it, there is no respect. You are an object.

  21. "be content" Most days I wish I could just be content. Ignorance is bliss. I have a friend who doesn't think about anything most of the time. The idiot is the happiest person I know. The only times where he seems sad is when he actually is thinking about something. I think having to process everything cognitively is a pain in the ass. It means I know what I'm doing every moment. Someone will tell me something to do and in an instance I've picked it apart in my head and made a decision about it. It is never I'm just going to do this, tralalalala. Their is no enjoyment in things when you pick everything apart. I do this to people too. Specially if they make me mad. I brow beat them and find every little flaw. I wish I could have a moment where I wasn't so extremely aware. I just want to know what it feels like to be oblivious. No thoughts racing through my head. Nothing that I need to pick a part. The world has looked grey and tarnished to me ever since I was a teenager. I just kept picking it a part and eventually all that was left were the torn scraps. There is no beauty in a sunrise. There is no horror in death. There is no wonderment in a newborn child. There is just my extensive nihilism. Intelligence never brought happiness. Sure it made me more apt at things. It just separated me out more. Made me fight battles that weren't necessary. It isn't like you can ever be smart enough either. Intelligence is like money. The more you have the more you want more.

  22. For intelligent people ignorance will never provide bliss. Kesu, write a blog, people who want to read long contributions solely by you will go there, those who don't will have no reason to be infuriated by you creating long posts here. I'd read your blog. But I do not wish to be subjected to overly long comments here. You might even find yourself incredibly popular.

  23. I love tn, your blog is atrocious. You wouldn't last a second in my world.

  24. I grew up being told I was lazy but really smart with 99th percentile iq and standardized tests. My husband grew up being told he was stupid but hard working. Today, he's a workaholic top physicist and I suck in comparison. I'm not lazy, maybe 90th percentile there, but this tells me that iq and standardized tests don't mean much. I also know plenty of highly intelligent empaths. My feeling is that the common sociopath just needs a few years in a highly competitive academic environment where he gets his ass handed to him. I've seen the help many emerging sociopaths put things in perspective and apply their malicious energies to something non destructive and productive.

  25. I'm always satisfied with myself. I don't get unhappy I just get angry. I usually only feel relatively happy or full of rage.

  26. I'm sure most of us, who have experimented with telling a few people about our diagnosis (or self-diagnosed condition, which is possible for one who has the required intellect), have experienced this.

    I experience it almost on a daily basis even with people I only know via the Internet (I'm talking about people thinking we're not really psychopaths or sociopaths after all).

    I've had the same speculations about intelligence being the real reason.
    But I found out otherwise once I began joining High IQ organizations. I'll rather not list names, but they're easy to look up for those who'd like to check out what I'm going to say.

    I realized there're indeed very emotional people among those with high IQs, even among those in the 99th percentile.
    At first I could hardly believe it (it was before I researched psychopathy and found out I fir the profile), because I had expected everybody to be pretty much like me.

    There're 99th percentile people who are passsionate Christians, f.x., and quite a lot who are passionate about fighting pollution, Green Peace, etc..

    That said, I do see a tendency for more people who have some antisocial traits also, and most high IQ fora have a couple of intellectual 'bullies'. But mostly they're not so much psychopathic as they're simply very disappointed and pissed off at being so isolated in a world of receding average intelligence.

    Funny, Anon (1st post), you're a school example of what I have experienced:

    "You're simply an Aspie, Zhawq!"

    "Zhawq, you can't be a psychopath, for you're too intelligent!, you understand too much!"

    "Zhawq, you're just too odd! That's not like a psychopath, it's Aspie!"

    It's just funny that people in offline reality think I'm the epitome of normalcy (at least at first, and those who don't know me intimately), whereas the educated clinical psychologists, psychiatrists and forensics thought I'm a psychopath even before I could legally be diagnosed as such.

    What do I think, then? I think the definition fits me, it obviously does. But I also think there's so much more to me that says differently, lots f details, bits and pieces that just can't be measured or get through in an assessment situation.

    I can see why they think I'm a psychopath, but I don't think I am. That's a paradox, but the human condition is a paradox.

    M.E., there's no doubt about intellect being one of the common traits in some psychopathic personalities (yours is one, and so is mine - yeah, sorry, I don't see you as a sociopath, but I also don't think it's bad, it's just more precise, that's all).

    There're some fundamental things that apply to every kind of personality, and to us as well: Intelligence, social background, culture, genetics, and neuro-psychology.

    Most of what has been written about psychopaths have been focusing on types neither of us can identify with. That's why we keep having this feeling that there's something that still doesn't fit. Is it our IQ, f.x.? Is it our social background? And so on.

    Maybe the real answer is this: There's no definite answer, it's all about IQ, and it's definitely not all about IQ. It depends on the perspective at the time you ask.

    But I know your propositional dilemma very well!

  27. Sociopaths aren't intellectuals they are cunning.

    Wv: skills

  28. Actually Zhawq, most sociopaths have an average IQ.

  29. tik,

    over time it just becomes obvious. Anyone intuitive would pick up on all the pieces and put them together.

    That is my experience in many cases, yes. In offline reality it certainly applies.

    I haven't seen ME exploit anyone through this blog, it's not to some extreme like other's where their superiority (or assumed) is used to humiliate those who post.

    I often find that this is the reason when people don't think I am what I've told them.

    People expect me to not be able to not exploit and act abusively. They don't seem to realize that you don't have to be stupid in order to be a psychopath. And what I mean by this is that if I would go around being an asshole to every single person I meet and exploit everybody all the time, I'd never get a chance to get to know anybody. How would I live?

    I think it has to do with people forgetting details in the definition of our condition. Manipulative, f.x., doesn't mean you can see I am manipulating, even if you know it. That is part of a typical definition: "Psychopaths can be very convincing", and so on.

    We don't exploit everybody, and we're nice to most people, just like everybody else.

    Yes, there're those who are always obviously antisocial, not least on these boards. But they do not represent psychopaths, no matter how horrible some of the things they write is.

    M.E. has written articles for 2.5 years about all kinds of details about psychopathy and sociopathy, I've been doing it for almost 6 months, and yet it seems that people have difficulties with believing the real thing. It's as if 'psychopath' must be a serial killer and a maniac and an asshole who can't behave in a polite or friendly, supportive manner.

    I only need to look back on some of the response I have received here on M.E.'s board (my own hasn't become as heavily frequented yet, lol), not to mention a few other fora.

    It seems to be worst where wannabe psychopaths/sociopaths gather, because to them it's about being as nasty as you can, and to those who are neither psychopaths not wannabe psychopaths it can easily look as if they're the real thing.

    Again, think about the responses here on M.E.'s board! It's every day that people who aren't sociopaths or psychopaths discuss who of us are, and if M.E. is or not.

    Oh well, "Those who have understanding may count the number of the beast!"... '^L^,

  30. Oxytocin from babies made me seriously stupid and unable to focus, like, head injury stupid, but I did make a full recovery. I think that the reason that there are so many male socipaths is that women's inconsistent hormone levels make them accustomed to the feeling of *sometimes being a sociopath*.

  31. Anon 10:01
    Actually Zhawq, most sociopaths have an average IQ.

    I didn't mean to imply otherwise. You're right!

    Okay, once more: One of the traits in a certain type of psychopaths is a high IQ.

    However, these are not the majority. Most are of average IQ, and those are the ones we are best acquainted with, so we expect all psychopaths to behave like them. When one pops up, who has a high IQ, we tend to think they can't possibly be psychopaths, because they're too intelligent, have too good manners, understand too much, and can be supportive.

    Also, they don't necessarily piss in their nest, aka we don't necessarily behave psychopathic towards our readers.

    I hope that's better. I can see I wasn't as clear as I could've been. :)

  32. Zhawq, what's your first language, and how many languages do you speak?

  33. Are you surenyou don't have mpd, zhawq? Today you are all self obsessed and wondering why you have been diagnosed as a psychopath but a few days ago you were ready to destroy the world.

  34. Multi-personality disorder? Pfffft. What a bullshit disorder. There has only been a few cases of it ever confirmed and many of those cases are under review for other things. In the flippant opinions he is more bi-polar. I do stuff like that often. I even know I do it. I just don't care.

  35. Kesu, start a blog, i wanna hear more about your bi-polar pwease.

  36. There are Millions of people who have bi-polar disorder. It is common. I'm sure a few thousand of those have a blog.

  37. Maybe bipolar male sociopaths can become less dangerous with time because they grow accustomed to the fits of rage and peiriods of emptiness. A man with no regular experience with those emotions might be more inclined to act rashly when one of them hits him. People say that women are more emotional, but maybe the reason that they are not as dangerous is that they have become accustomed to wild emotions and they know when not to react.

  38. i am undefined, and therefore everything, i operate on infinite bandwidth frequencies, and if you present at some bullshit frequency, i might not even hear you, unless i decide to "tune in" to "your" limited faggot-ass frequency.

  39. I see... so you guys made this a club for psychopaths? You are not psychopaths you're pathethiaths.
    Go on fret for your IQ and fret for your hypochondria, inferiors.

  40. no, it's actually the faggot board, and you belong here!

  41. All anons are the same person.

  42. lol the comment sections are getting worse, everyone should leave except for medusa ukan misanthrope and notme so it can start again lol, the rest of you are faggots lol.

  43. All the anons are most likely that faggot Adam.

  44. @kesu

    You are really different from the other people I know with extremely high intelligence.

    Most very smart people I talk to can be very asinine.

    They make an effort to flex their muscles by using big words when it isn't necessary. They never shut the fuck up about whatever dweeb theory they have come up with, and they think they are the best thing since Einstein.

    I guess when people keep complimenting you on your smarts you become like that.

    I like reading your stuff because I don't have to use a dictionary for every word. I can read through your post once and know what you are talking about. You never try to impress people by being abstract.

    Please never change.

  45. 'There are Millions of people who have bi-polar disorder. It is common. I'm sure a few thousand of those have a blog.'

    Well aren't we charming tonight.

    'lol the comment sections are getting worse, everyone should leave except for medusa ukan misanthrope and notme so it can start again lol, the rest of you are faggots lol.'

    lol i agree lol so with you there lol i love you lol. ;)

  46. Has anyone seen the movie fatal attraction? Are most beepers like that?

  47. Oh, a better one about a beeper is Play misty for me.

  48. Um, not seen fatal attraction Anon.

  49. Guys you will never want to date a borderline after seeing fatal attraction! I wonder if it is based on a borderline woman or just a disturbed woman, either way, all of her behavior seems consistant with a borderline pd, cutting her wrists, stalking the guy, big fear of abandonment etc etc.

  50. You know I think one of my exs was BPD(Border). She was fucking crazy but man was she fun. She could take huge amounts of abuse and just come back. It was insane. Absolutely insane. Cause she could dish it out too. Any time I tried to help her with anything she would explode. Which of course made me explode. I can't even begin to explain how many times I slapped the shit out of her but she deserved it every time and knew it. There would be this calming down time after words where she would say how sorry she was and how fucked she had been etc etc etc. The turn arounds where just fun. It takes a special type of freak to deal with a BPD. I suppose I'm one of those types.

  51. Why would it make you explode? I love people who are over reactive, I wind them up, sit back and laugh.

    My mother was very moody and pessamistic, probably even a borderline. All I'd have to do was make a remark about her weight and she would flip. She was afraid of me though, she knew that if she put her hand on me no matter how much of a prick she thought I was, I'd smack her up. She had a name for me and my dad, he was prick number one and I was prick number two. Me and my dad would flip out for different reasons from her, she got upset because she did everything for us and never got a thank you or a gift in return, we got upset when we were told no.

  52. Ha! My new name for you is Slappy.

    Or maybe, Mr. Slappy, or Slap Happy.

    Anyway, intelligence from what I have observed can make you more cold and calculating (obviously) but never have I seen it eliminate someone's empathy or morals, not in a so-called empathetic person under normal circumstances (the power of suggestion can trump even the most intelligent person).

    I would have to agree with Zhawq, that many of the intellectual bullies at the top are that way because they feel so isolated, not because they don't feel empathy.

    No get out of sociopathy free card, ME. Soz.

  53. She told me that everyone despises me and that's why nobody makes conversation with me when they come over to the house. I told her that I was superior for nothing putting up a front to these people, If I don't like these people why should I say hello to them? Especially in my own home, it's bad enough that they walk in without asking my permission.

  54. fight the "universe".

    the universe requires you to "fight" it.

    by fighting it, you succeed at your goals and the universe is elevated, therefore the universe is a sparring partner you help improve by fighting it.

  55. it's quite funny how npd and sociopaths are sort of like the outcasts of the mental health world. bipolars, borderlines, shizoids etc help each other in therapy and with self help etc, the narcissists and sociopaths shun help.

  56. "There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
    -Carl Jung


  58. What is this 'smart' of which you speak?

    I enjoy conscious people, who look beneath surfaces for deeper or alternative meanings, peel back layers, question everything, and converse with candour.

    Whether they can jump through cultural hoops for gold stars is of no concern to me!

    Some of the most intriguing people I've ever met can't.

  59. Evil Genius MegalomaniacJune 25, 2011 at 5:07 AM

    Oh dear! Zeric, if I have to explain to you what smart is, I cannot lower myself to converse with you. Dumbass!

  60. Kesu, do you rapid cycle? or do you have extended periods of ups and downs?

  61. I like this theory. The thing i often wonder is the maybe being a sociopath is just being smarter. Medically it is explained as a brain defect that up to 1% of humanity may have. I think that 1% of the population has developed it a way where emotions are less needed for them to process. Which for most relates to a higher intelligence. Id like to think society has shaped what we see as right, that maybe the superior are suppressed.
    >>>>>>> amoraeternusabangelusmortis

  62. Author, you really are adorably narcissistic. More seriously, there is a correlation between so-called "mental disorders" and drugs, and high intelligence

  63. Well, it fits. It's been proven multiple times that empathy challenged individuals (aspies, sociopaths, etc) are smarter. It's obviously because they use their brains to think and pick the logical choice in the situation, they don't let worthless emotions get in the way.


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