Saturday, August 22, 2015

Finding a sense of self

In the book I wrote something like I identify more as being a sociopath than any other common identity characteristic, e.g. gender, race, nationality, religion, etc.

I was thinking about that as I read this when I was reading excerpts from the book In the Name of Identity : Violence and the Need to Belong, via Brain Pickings:

Identity isn’t given once and for all: it is built up and changes throughout a person’s lifetime… Not many of the elements that go to make up our identity are already in us at birth. A few physical characteristics of course — sex, color and so on. And even at this point not everything is innate. Although, obviously, social environment doesn’t determine sex, it does determine its significance. To be born a girl is not the same in Kabul as it is in Oslo; the condition of being a woman, like every other factor in a person’s identity, is experienced differently in the two places.

The same could be said of color. To be born black is a different matter according to whether you come in to the world in New York, Lagos, Pretoria or Luanda… For an infant who first sees the light of day in Nigeria, the operative factor as regards his identity is not whether he is black rather than white, but whether he is Yoruba, say, rather than Hausa… In the United States it’s of no consequence whether you have a Yoruba rather than a Hausa ancestor: it’s chiefly among the whites — the Italians, the English, the Irish and the rest — that ethnic origin has a determining effect on identity.

[…]

I mention these examples only to underline the fact that even color and sex are not “absolute” ingredients of identity. That being so, all the other ingredients are even more relative.

But why then did I not associate with all of those markers living in the same society as everyone else who had those markers? Why didn't I identify as female and white just like every other white female child of my generation in my general geographic location? It's like I was born with an odd sort of immunity to that sort of socialization. Or maybe it was some sort of child strategy or defense mechanism because in identifying with something, there is vulnerability. Which oddly explains mob mentality, at least in a way that finally explains it in a way that I can sort of understand:

People often see themselves in terms of whichever one of their allegiances is most under attack. And sometimes, when a person doesn’t have the strength to defend that allegiance, he hides it. Then it remains buried deep down in the dark, awaiting its revenge. But whether he accepts or conceals it, proclaims it discreetly or flaunts it, it is with that allegiance that the person concerned identifies. And then, whether it relates to color, religion, language or class, it invades the person’s whole identity. Other people who share the same allegiance sympathize; they all gather together, join forces, encourage one another, challenge “the other side.” For them, “asserting their identity” inevitably becomes an act of courage, of liberation.

In the midst of any community that has been wounded agitators naturally arise… The scene is now set and the war can begin. Whatever happens “the others” will have deserved it.

[…]

What we conveniently call “murderous folly” is the propensity of our fellow-creatures to turn into butchers when they suspect that their “tribe” is being threatened. The emotions of fear or insecurity don’t always obey rational considerations. They may be exaggerated or even paranoid; but once a whole population is afraid, we are dealing with the reality of the fear rather than the reality of the threat.

So is it possible that my weak sense of self and invulnerability to mob mentality are both tied to this odd immunity to identity socialization?

Interestingly my therapist is huge about identity, or maybe he's just huge with me because he knows that I have traditionally lived my life with much of a sense of self. The way he talks, it's as if reconnecting with my identity will be the panacea for essentially all of my primary psychological issues. That's easy for me to buy, at least enough to explore the concept more, because I've always thought that most if not all of my sociopathic traits stem from this inborn or very early acquired weak sense of self.

It's also another interesting example of how seemingly every human trait, and at least sociopathic ones, can be seen as an advantage or disadvantage depending solely on shifting contexts. Like the dark side of empathy, the weak sense of self has allowed me to be this chameleon teflon adherent of instrumentalism. Because I rarely care what others think, I've allowed myself to follow paths in life that are solely of my own choosing (as much as we have(n't) free will to choose).  But I can also see how it contributes to my sense of meaningless and emptiness, which in turn promote my novelty and stimulation seeking behavior, which often isolate me further from human connection.

But if I had to give any unsolicited advice to non-sociopathic readers, it would be to ask yourself why you're so keen to protect and rally behind socialization aspects of your identity that you would sacrifice other more core aspects of your identity, and all only because you've been programmed to think that you need to or it's the honorable thing to do. See somewhat relatedly, Tim Wu on why You Really Don't Need to Work So Much

42 comments:

  1. FIRST!!! Whitey Wins! Whitey Wins! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. white is right

      Delete
    2. black is wack

      Delete
    3. yellow is incontinent

      Delete
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  3. Great post, M.E.

    "The man of Tao remains unknown. Perfect virtue produces nothing. No Self is True Self. And the greatest man is nobody." ~Chuang Tzu

    All is contained in the void and out of everything comes the void and you are it. What else could you be? - Alan Watts

    Look at other animals. Watch the dog in your back yard, the birds in your tree. They seek what they need and then rest.

    Now consider the distinction between self identity and caring for the organism in which we find our consciousness.

    Listening to feelings in their rawest form is self-acceptance and that accepting them as they are without applying ANY external value system onto them allows you to then *choose* freely. This is real freedom - acknowledging yourself and choosing.

    This comes from the understanding that our whole organism is a self-correcting system that seeks survival. Pleasure is best Epicurean - satiety and absence of pain.

    Identity is an illusion, the useful illusion evolution has selected because it aids decision-making for survival. We are cosmic accidents; consciousness trapped in skin, swirling between temporary form and the river.

    So, to make the most of our finite time: know what your organism wants and that's easy...

    "The fletcher whittles his arrows. The carpenter turns his wood. So the wise man directs his mind." ~ Buddha

    Because of my experiences with a sociopath, I understand own emotions are transient, neural energy that *I* generate and can harness. So I can feel myself gaining this skill of directing my mind, of focusing or dissipating my neural energy. I know the inputs and their effects.

    Yes, this is the awareness I wanted to develop and am developing.

    Identity is illusion. Society is context.



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    1. My quote of the week is going to be "Identity is illusion. Society is context".

      Thanks North!

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  4. Ah, let's get that Alan Watts quote right:

    *And out of the void comes everything and you are it. What else could you be? - Alan Watts

    Here's a bit more, 'cause it's too good:
    ******
    See so in this way, by seeing that nothingness is the fundamental reality, and you see it’s your reality. Then how can anything contaminate you? All the idea of being scared, and it’s nothing it just a dream. Because you're really nothing. But this is most incredible nothing.

    All the Six Patriarch went on to contrast that emptiness of indifference. Which is sort of blind emptiness. See if you think of this idea of nothingness as blankness, and you hold onto this idea of blankness then kind of grizzly about it, you haven’t understood it.

    Nothingness is really like the nothingness of space, which contains the whole universe. All the sun and the stars and mountains, and rivers, and good men and bad men, and the animals, and insects, and the whole bit. All are contained in void. So out of this void comes everything and you are it. What else could you be?

    http://liveasbrothers.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/state-of-nothing-alan-watts.html
    *******

    I've commented previously that existence is the only equaliser - that we exist as sociopath, or empath, or monkey, or blade of grass, or quasar. We come from nothing, return to nothing. Everything else is mere context. Why not enjoy existence in accordance with our being as it simply exists?

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  5. The typical shrink seems to want to help their patients have a "normal" sense of self. Somewhat oddly, they seem to think this sense of self is a "real" thing, like car. They don't get that it only exists, moment to moment, as a function of habitual thinking and feeling.

    I wonder how shrinks decide what sort of self is best for any particular person. I cannot imagine it is a rational, scientific process.

    It is a bit like someone trying to convince a cat that it is a dog. What breed of dog should it try to dupe the cat into thinking it is? Why would that be a good thing for the cat or anyone else?

    The Buddhists are clear - how do you know you have a sense of self? You suffer in a big way. You notice yourself being devastated that a team lost - then you realize that you somehow started identifying with a team.

    Another way to see your sense of self - you get manipulated, by a sociopath. Eg you notice yourself doing favors for him. And then you realize it is because he laughed at your jokes, said you were clever and very special. He figured out that your sense of self is based on being a smart, attractive clever person.

    As your mob example makes clear, a sense of self helps with survival - group and individual. That's why people hate it when you shit on their religion and say, "there is as much hard evidence for Christianity as Flying Spaghetti Monsterism."

    If you are unhappy with how you are leading your life, an alternative to having a sense of self would be to develop traits like patience, kindness, joy, compassion and equanimity. All things being equal, if you have those you'll be happy and treat others better. The people that normal people admire - Jesus, Paul, Buddha, etc didn't have a normal sense of self.


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  6. "But if I had to give any unsolicited advice to non-sociopathic readers, it would be to ask yourself why you're so keen to protect and rally behind socialization aspects of your identity that you would sacrifice other more core aspects of your identity, and all only because you've been programmed to think that you need to or it's the honorable thing to do."
    I guess that for some non-sociopaths at least, it is obvious that human beings are rather "social" people. You're born from two persons, you might give birth to other persons. Humanity is a group of people. There is a necessary "socialization".
    I guess also that humans understood that a group of people together could build bigger things than individuals.
    I'm not sure that non-sociopaths are "programmed" this way. I think that they see a logic in it, and might enjoy relations and sociabilization.
    I personnaly don't think that I'm a slave of socialization, I don't find it annoying.

    I've seen a video whith a man who defined himself as a narcissist. It was a hidden but painful life for him (his own words, not mine), and he has read some things and decided to try to change some aspects of his narcissistic personality.
    He has tried to experiment empathy, real friendship (not just using people), and he described how he has started to feel new feelings and really enjoyed it.

    He's feeling joy from friendly relationships, this is a kind of socialization.
    I guess that most non-sociopaths feel also this joy, otherwise why would they seek friendship?


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  7. Yeah but Alan Watts was a fraud and a drunk-a self admitted phony.
    M.E., why are you seeing a shrink? What makes him more aware then you?
    You are the most self knowledgable person around. You have examined yourself
    8 ways to Sunday. Do you feel safe offering up your body to him, as will eventually happen? O.K., like "A" you can get any man you want. You've proven
    that. Why stay in limbo for the next 70 years? What happened to the malleable
    sociopath who was confident she could lose EVERYTHING and start from
    scratch if she had to?
    Damaged, I have tried to persuade by M.E. and "A" to help save Casey. That
    task has now fallen upon you. You didn't ask for the responsibilty, but only
    you can fill it now.
    Casey lives in West Palm beach Florida, in a modest home payed for by her
    detective friend and her attorney. You could leave a "breadcrumb" of posts on
    various sites so she will seek you out. She can't resist. She has Venus in Aries
    so she jumps into relationships with both feet. It's in her 9th house, which
    governs the internet. She certainly knows what people say about her.
    Be her friend. Who knows where it might lead?

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    1. Well he was a drunk, but the ideas came from traditions beyond his particular person. Shall we play the ball and not the man? Let's have some fun.

      But while we are on the topic of the individual - these ideas are some strong medicine. Almost nihilism, because in the west especially we are given to believe in purpose, and strive to seek meaning.

      See Rust Cohle:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oX2xFo7JA4
      (we labour under the illusion of having a self... with total assurance that we are each somebody when in fact everybody is nobody)

      Not really surprising that people with such ideas end up seeking oblivion.

      But they can be taken in other directions.

      The human organism takes pleasure in the resonance of ideas and occurrences. We create models, and confirmation of those models makes us feel good. We describe this as the experience of 'meaning'.

      'Purpose' is another characteristic of the illusion of self. It is, in fact, our dopamine system aligning with our mental models, our self-developed systems of meaning.

      Of course, most people - since we are wired as social creatures - largely inherit their mental models, and use their own experiences to 'validate' these social constructions. Why? because we are a social species: we all need the tribe to survive.

      This point goes to M.E.'s question of why we pander to the tribe. It's a very simple question of survival. Exclusion from the tribe is the greatest threat an individual faces on a daily basis and we have all sorts of mechanisms to ensure this doesn't happen. I mean, we can write an encyclopedia on this topic and really, sociopaths are the experts, right? Because it's a conscious process for you guys. Empaths quite like politics or religion or sport as sources for these models. By belonging, by aligning with the rhetoric and norms of the group, they experience the significant pleasure of resonating ideas AND the safety of belonging. It's so strongly meeting foundational psychological needs of both survival and pleasure.

      Another example comes from attachment theory - it's closest to home for me. We find deep-seated drives that come from an infant's understanding of the world. An inconsistent care-giver fosters ambivalent attachment in a child and the child learns to cling. And then as an adult you get...

      "This strong need to reconnect is not logical. It is a deeply entrenched
      emotional pattern. The avoidant’s behavior can be abusive and unacceptable but it doesn’t change the anxious person’s strong pull to reconnect. There is something deeply ingrained in the anxious person that feels their very survival depends upon their connection with that person."

      Behaviour is well beyond the conscious cognition of the apparent self. Sociopaths take advantage of this fact every day.

      Incidentally, I have a feeling the sociopath has greater awareness of our inherent nothingness, hence my fascination with your methods. Because, meaning and purpose are as illusory as the self that generates them, and thus, a fruitful path is to find practices that satiate and that free (power is a means to freedom - the capacity to choose).

      Delete
  8. I would add that I don't consider my identity as "empath". And I don't consider "sociopathy" as an identity. I consider both of us as human beings.

    I guess, that psychologists are trying to help to reveal the person beyond the past trauma. Who would have been this person apart from this trauma?
    Trauma is part of someone's history but who said that a trauma should be carried all life long, and who said that we can't get rid of it, at least partly?

    My childhood and teenager life was partly traumatic, I came to a point, as an adult, that I was turning aorund in circles, for some things. I've decided to have a therapy.
    Mainly the therapist have helped me to understand that my identity was not only the trauma I've lived. And that I shouldn't focus mainly on it, as if I wasn't someone else.
    "let go" is the key, but it is quite a difficult exercice.
    In my case my mother has a quite deep mental illness (but she is NOT only a mental illness, she is also a human), she's not a sociopath.
    This has had non volontary repercussions on me. But I do believe that it has strongly developed my empathy. Nobody was responsible for my mother mental illness, not even her, she was the first victim of herself. I think that my empathy was a way to repair her. If I could feel empathy for her (put myself in her shoes), I think that I would have drown deep. My mother's doctors were surprised that I didn't.
    Maybe empathy as sociopathy was a way to survive to deep trauma.

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    1. yeah.... My therapist said the same, and it is fun, because she is searching for the 'fundamental trauma' for months and looks like she is running in circles, there isn't any. Not me, not even her can find a traumatic event in my life, a lots of things happened in my life with will be highly traumatic for most and for it was never a issue.

      Maybe it could be a efficient, long lasting, resilient coping mechanism or maybe it simply isn't. Maybe it is something more fundamental than that. Something like a real cognition deficit or different cognition process altogether. And when you see @ME, mine and other histories with no clear apparent traumas you start to question this theory.

      Delete
  9. Sorry..."If I COULD NOT feel empathy for her (put myself in her shoes), I think that I would have drown deep.".
    The difference maybe between sociopaths parents and their influence with children, is that my mother mental illness was mainly directed to herself. Unconditional love for her children was intact.

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  10. Sociopaths identify more with our "disorder" because it is the one thing that prevents us from truly entering mainstream society. Even when we do get accepted we know deep down that it's because of a carefully crafted image.

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  12. People are full of shit. Identity is nothing more than social programming and brain washing. There's no such thing as good people or bad people. It's all nothing but nonsense that someone in history decided to buy into and was slowly force-fed to others.

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  13. Sociopathy is a coat that fits the most comfortable. I have worn different coats and some are too big or too small. Sociopathy isn't a perfect fit, but it is closer than the others. Sometimes though, I like to pretend I am wearing a ball gown with the big coats.

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  14. None of you reading this is real. I am pretty sure I am real. I don't care if you are real or not. If you are real . . . what was it that James Bond (not very real) said, "Eliminate with extreme prejudice." Are you really sure that I can't reach through your computer screen and rip you throat out with my bare hands?

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  15. Surely many find it easier to "identify" with a zodiac leo or a pisces, than with sociopathy? The latter thing "is" very little. A type of anti-person.

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  16. Let's see if we can employ some deductive logic to see where Casey will be
    in 10 years time. I will not be here in 10 years time. I don't even know if I will
    be here in 10 days time, but that's another story.
    I predicted years ago that Casey was a very tenacious person, and on that basis
    she could survive, IF she had a support system around her. All ties with her
    parents are cut off? If you believe that, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale.
    They have been funneling money to her since she got out of prison.
    Why did they lie to protect her? They were normal. She isn't. Normal people show concern and express emotion.
    Is Casey a tender flower, and did she simply "black out" all the abuse she
    suffered ? Did you here the way she spoke to her mother, and the language she
    used. Anyone who knows anything about sociopaths knows she is a textbook one.
    I don't say these things to be insulting. I like the girl, I really do. But she killed
    her child in sociopath rage. Sociopaths are "moral imbacles." They really don't
    know what they do is wrong-for their non exsistant ethical code. They know
    society says it's wrong, so that's why they take pains to hide their misdeeds.
    Casey needs a support system. Her motivation in keeping out of trouble is:
    She's watched. And she hopes to profit from her name reckognition. Once the
    lawsuits against her are resolved she CAN try to profit. For now, she gets
    enough money to live on, and her material quality of life is the same as when
    she lived home. Her sociopathic toughness, (Reflected in personality systems)
    serves her well.

    ReplyDelete

  17. “Happiness, Love is the key to LIFE”.

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    ReplyDelete

  18. “Happiness, Love is the key to LIFE”.

    Greeting be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Silvia Quelal from California. since 6 months I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

    ReplyDelete
  19. Excellent post, M.E.

    I also enjoyed reading North's comments.

    "So is it possible that my weak sense of self and invulnerability to mob mentality are both tied to this odd immunity to identity socialization?"

    I'm not sure but it's an interesting question. Many people, whatever their neuro-inclination, deviate from society's definition of what it means to be socialized. When it comes to mob mentality, however, it's different: mob mentality involves irrational fears, heightened emotion -- qualities lacking in sociopaths.

    Identity tags may change throughout our lifetimes but I think for most people their idea of who there are at a core level stays the same. The only 'cure' I know that might help people escape 'identity socialization' is through intensive self-examination and the realization that we, as individuals, are free to create any meaning or purpose we choose. Once we realize that we're the Maker of our own internal filtering system and that it can be altered according to our own unique values, meaning and purpose usually follow suit. As creators of our own values, it's up to us to forge the meaning and purpose of our own lives.




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    1. You many enjoy Undoing Yourself with Energized Meditation by Christopher S. Hyatt and Cosmic Trigger by Robert Anton Wilson.

      Most people don't get past the introduction or first chapter of the former - it's designed to 'break your set' and make you uncomfortable, but most people understand it as being crudely commercial. It's actually a treasure trove.

      http://hbkserver.tk/members/Christopher%20Hyatt%20-%20Undoing%20Yourself%20with%20Energized%20Meditation.pdf

      One comes to understand the fluidity of existence. The brain is designed to design realities.

      Delete
    2. North,

      Thanks for the reading recommendations. Will check them out. The brain certainly does appear to design our take on reality to a marked degree; I suppose that partly stems from the brain's penchant for seeing patterns in clouds and other phenomena. Perhaps this pattern-making part of the mind also binds together our 'many minds' into a pattern we call the self. In any case, I agree with you that existence is fluid: even wild beasts are adopting new ways of being as they interact with humans and their technology. I.E., some bears can now open car doors.

      Rowena,

      It's not my book. I think you're referring to M.E.

      Delete
  20. Dear North,
    Suppose a person "gets" what Watts (Thought Huxley didn't trust the guy)
    and the other mystics say? They might have the Sun in the 9th house of
    their Astrological chart, so they have a feel for such things.
    They understand that the "self" is accquired.
    But suppose they have no "worldly" or practical "earthly" skills. They can't handle a bank book, have no social skills, interact with most people, or pay
    their bills? By sheer fluke, they've arrived at this point. What good does this
    "esoteric" knowledge do them. Life is made up of BOTH material AND spirtual
    concerns. They can not go back and compensate for their lack of elemental
    survival skills. See why these ideas eminated from the East at it's heyday?
    The Buddha was wealthy and privildged, as were the originators of other
    religions. The West was dirt poor. That's why the 3 great Western religions were
    more "worldly." The West only began to notice the East, when it had enough
    food to put in it's belly.

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    1. I agree. These ideas are useless if one cannot apply them.

      Personally, I'm developing a set of practices - techniques, perhaps - that I find to be very effective. Primarily based on openness to experience and letting go. Flow like water. So there is a discipline involved, a sharpening of the mind that comes from greater awareness of self and environment.

      I'm not dogmatic, only pragmatic. I keep refining my set of practices, my toolkit, so when I approach a new situation - or every new day for that matter - I select the best tool for the context and for what I am trying to achieve.

      I mentioned above that I like this blog because of the rare clarity and because of the natural tendency of the sociopath to live in the moment and be fluid.

      I'm not an Alan Watts disciple, nor Buddhist, nor regular zen practitioner. But I do synthesise the concepts I find useful for my personal toolbox and continue to hone both them and myself through experience. I find sources everywhere... and find I am expanding in all directions. The more I grow into myself, the more you delight in my own existence.

      I started on this journey after reading The Psychopath's Bible by Christopher S. Hyatt (for research when my socio ex tried to get a restraining order on me). That led to The Psychopath's Notebook where Hyatt talks of the Toxick Magician and has a pretty good model for it.

      Low tension, high energy.

      My socio ex was like that. Beautiful, enthralling. Zen calm. He has no fear of getting what his organism wants / needs (mainly sexual fantasies it seems, lol)

      So I figured I could aim for low tension, high energy too. But in accordance with my own nature.

      And then I found all sorts of sources - Sufi poets, a real-life Persian mystic, Buddhists, untold books, an Agile Scrum Master that all had techniques I picked up. My own ideas born of my experiences.

      Hyatt's books are practical. Full of practical means to change your self. Undoing Yourself with Energized Meditation is the best place to start. Esoteric, sure. But 100% practical.

      The bottom line is that our organisms are wired for survival and from our neocortex arises this illusion of self. It's an integrator, an internal conflict resolver.

      The idea was embryonic for me unti this game-changer article:
      http://www.newphilosopher.com/articles/you-are-not-who-you-think-you-are/

      "Thankfully evolution furnished our forebears with this conflict resolver, this grand integrator and ultimate decision maker, situated somewhere in the frontal lobes of their burgeoning brains. It was the CEO of the bodily corporation.

      This CEO is at the root of the illusion of self. The central decision maker, useful though it is to us today as it was for our ancestors, makes it seem from the outside (and when looking in the mirror) like the massively cooperative corporation is constituted of just one entity.

      But why would evolution produce a system with such a persistent error? It’s because evolution is famous for caring a whole lot less about truth than it does about survival and reproduction. If believing the sky is purple and every rustle in the bushes is a cranky yeti leads to having more babies, then so be it, says evolution."

      Delete
    2. *The more I grow into myself, the more I delight in my own existence.

      pasted that from my twitter post.

      Delete
  21. I can relate to NOT feeling a strong sense of self or identity. This has both pros and cons.

    First of all my life is fluid. It's like being able to live several lives in one. I don't identify on a professional level, instead I have many professional roles and my working life is very varied.

    I don't identify based on my interests either: they vary a lot too. One week I'm super into some action sport and the next I'm just as much into French poetry (but no longer into the first one).

    I don't identify with any one particular thing but I can get into whatever might intrigue me so much that it feels like I identify. I just very intensely live up to my chosen role – until I get bored and move on. I don't always even notice that I do this, it comes so naturally. My close friends recognize this pattern though and are no longer surprised by my behavior.

    Being like this is and isn't a problem. It isn't because I move on so easily but it is because I sometimes have a tendency to completely exhaust myself for being so into something.

    What bothers me the most though (and this is something I was able to realize only after I recognized by sociopathic tendencies) is that it's really hard for me to relate to my physical self. It's hard to explain but it's almost like I don't match what I think I should be seeing when I look into the mirror. I almost don't recognize myself. This is especially troublesome when I expect my physical self to match my current interest (which is as close to having a 'self' that I can get to). Say that hypothetically I'm really into ballet. I expect myself to look like a dancer. But because for the past four months I was really into weight lifting, my shoulders are now broad and I'm strong and therefore I don't feel 'right'. This keeps happening again and again. It's like I'm an actor trying to transform to whatever role I've chosen. Anyone else ever experience this? :D

    ReplyDelete
  22. What if sociopaths exist with the purpose of population control? Think about the foxes and rabbits for example. Foxes prey on rabbits and this creates a relationship of balance between them. Without the fox, the rabbit would overpopulate their environment and without them the fox would die.

    ReplyDelete


  23. “Happiness, Love is the key to LIFE”.

    Greeting be unto Dr. Ukaka the great man and ever, my name is Silvia Quelal from California. since 6 months I have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. The silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. Crying all day,because of my life was lonely. So thanks to Ukaka that came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. I saw his mail while browsing and I contact and tell him what I am passing through with no doubt because what saw about him,was enough to believe. And I was given words of solution on what to do. I can't really help thinking about it I have tried to see what I can do, I manage to provide him some materials and he help me with the rest,after casting the spell, 12hrs later he came with rose on his hand and I was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying I should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,I can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the prophet has said he will be. He brought out a ring and put it on my hand. Our wedding day was scheduled,1week after we got married. today makes it 2weeks and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing I can never forget. And I can't really share to myself alone, I want y'all to help me praise him because if it is wasn't for him I already plan of committing suicide. But right now I am now so happy more than I was before. And you out there crying for help you've already got one,Ukaka is the man that you need in all rampart. contact his address if you need his service, freedomlovespell@hotmail.com also contact him on his web site: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. My Husband left me for another woman, i am so glad that my husband is back today with the help of Dr Brave, He is Powerful and Genuine spell caster, My name is Becky Miller , I live in California,USA. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

    ReplyDelete
  25. My heart is filled with love and happiness because my husband is back to me after a divorce with the help of a genuine spell caster .My name is Becky Miller , I live in California,USA. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

    ReplyDelete



  26. How To Get Your Lost Husband Back

    “LOVE is the key to LIFE”. That was the word from Dr Ukaka when I consulted his powerful Love Temple. I married the wrong man; I realized that after four years of our unfruitful marriage. Everything was going from Best to Worst in our life, no child, I got demoted from work after our marriage, my husband was sacked a year after. His application for new job in various offices was constantly declined even though he was qualified enough. I was made to take care of my family with the low income I earn get that wasn’t enough to pay our rent. We keep praying a seeking for help from some people, my friends laugh at me behind because I was advised not to get married yet.It was one Thursday night that my husband woke me up and told me that has thought enough about our crisis, he said that our crisis is not ordinary and it’s beyond our spiritual level. He suggested we should consult Dr Ukaka from testimonies he showed me online about how he has been helping families. I was afraid, I don’t like evil or spell but I supported him to contact him if he can help us. We consulted him via freedomlovespell@hotmail.com and he replied positively after 20munites with congratulating email that he can help us but he will need our pure heart and trusts in his work if he will cast the spell on us and purify our life. We agreed to his terms. He cast the spell and told us to expect results within 5days. I waited for three days nothing happened, so I started having doubt and blaming my husband for emailing Dr Ukaka. It was on the fifth day that my husband was called for an interview and he got a well-paying work, I was prompted to a higher position. I missed my period on the 5th day and it was confirmed that I am with a baby. Things have really changed for us for good and we now have our own house and cars. I will never forget what Dr Ukaka told us “LOVE is the key to LIFE”, this word keep me going. People that laughed at us are coming close for help and I am delighted to welcome them because my family is now blessed. Dr Ukaka is a savior and man that keep to his word even when I doubted his powers at the end of the spell. Thank you great Dr Ukaka and your Oracle for helping us via freedomlovespell@hotmail.com and I will keep spreading this message to people in need of help. also contact him for help.website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com ;

    ReplyDelete



  27. How To Get Your Lost Husband Back

    “LOVE is the key to LIFE”. That was the word from Dr Ukaka when I consulted his powerful Love Temple. I married the wrong man; I realized that after four years of our unfruitful marriage. Everything was going from Best to Worst in our life, no child, I got demoted from work after our marriage, my husband was sacked a year after. His application for new job in various offices was constantly declined even though he was qualified enough. I was made to take care of my family with the low income I earn get that wasn’t enough to pay our rent. We keep praying a seeking for help from some people, my friends laugh at me behind because I was advised not to get married yet.It was one Thursday night that my husband woke me up and told me that has thought enough about our crisis, he said that our crisis is not ordinary and it’s beyond our spiritual level. He suggested we should consult Dr Ukaka from testimonies he showed me online about how he has been helping families. I was afraid, I don’t like evil or spell but I supported him to contact him if he can help us. We consulted him via freedomlovespell@hotmail.com and he replied positively after 20munites with congratulating email that he can help us but he will need our pure heart and trusts in his work if he will cast the spell on us and purify our life. We agreed to his terms. He cast the spell and told us to expect results within 5days. I waited for three days nothing happened, so I started having doubt and blaming my husband for emailing Dr Ukaka. It was on the fifth day that my husband was called for an interview and he got a well-paying work, I was prompted to a higher position. I missed my period on the 5th day and it was confirmed that I am with a baby. Things have really changed for us for good and we now have our own house and cars. I will never forget what Dr Ukaka told us “LOVE is the key to LIFE”, this word keep me going. People that laughed at us are coming close for help and I am delighted to welcome them because my family is now blessed. Dr Ukaka is a savior and man that keep to his word even when I doubted his powers at the end of the spell. Thank you great Dr Ukaka and your Oracle for helping us via freedomlovespell@hotmail.com and I will keep spreading this message to people in need of help. also contact him for help.website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com ;

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Husband divorce me for no reason, this is how i get him back today because i really love him so much,I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony, My name is Becky Miller, from USA a banker by Profession. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

      Delete
  28. Hello everyone out here, am here to tell the world how a spell caster brought my husband back Home, i never thought that spell casters are real, until my husband left me. My name is Serena Williams, i work and live in UK, i got married to my husband 12 years ago, we have 3 kid together, we never have any misunderstanding all this years we lived happily,but all of a sudden he changed and started treating my kids and i very bad, later he stooped coming home, he dose not come home at least month, this really bothered me.

    I was browsing through the net one day when a came across on how Lord Micheal saved a woman called Mandy Diana marriage, i aid let me give him a try on this, i never believed in spell casting before i thought that they were all scam, when i contacted him, he told me not to worry that he will help me, surprisingly he told me that my husband will come back to me in the next 24 hours, with a heart full o doubt, it was a shock that my husband came back to me and started begging that he is sorry, and now we are happy once again. Thank you LORD MICHEAL, and if you are going through this kind of problem, here is his email LORDMICHEALSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM.He can help you solve your problem.Thank you LORD MICHEAL for restoring my marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  29. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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