Monday, August 10, 2015

Empathy

I saw this on social media, 23 Emotions People Feel, But Can't Explain. I can't speak to the legitimacy of this particular list, but I myself know of some emotions (like "saudades" or "schadenfreude") that have words for them in certain languages but not others, suggesting that certain emotions are more prevalent, or at least more on the radar, in certain cultures than others.

Some of these emotions on the list I could see myself having (or have had), others not so much. It made me think of emotional (affective) empathy (as opposed to cognitive empathy). If people are not even aware that some of these emotions exist in the broader population, how could they possibly feel empathy for someone who is experiencing one of these emotions? It makes me wonder about some people's absolute faith in empathy, that just because they happened to have been born a human being they were somehow magically imbued with being able to reliably understand each other and feel each other's feelings. In a world in which researchers are constantly finding new ways in which our cognition fails us such that entirely new disciplines have sprouted up over the past decade or so (behavioral economics for one), it's odd to me that there is still such blind faith and misconceptions about what exactly empathy is, means, and can do.


35 comments:

  1. Lol!
    People have entirely too much time on their hands if they felt the need to come up with these words. But...there is potential for fun here - it's a pretentious wanker's paradise :D


    Dearest Diary,

    Mauerbauertraurigkeit has invaded my bones this crisp winter morning.
    Last night's meeting with family, enduring the anecdoche that always fills me with lachesism, perhaps playing a part.

    I set off on my constitutional and was struck by rubatosis as I have felt only twice in my young life. Once as my beloved whispered Plath's immortal words "I am, I am, I am" as he held my hand, breaking me out of our mutual opia.
    The other on ingestion of shellfish of dubious freshness, on a hot summer night...

    It suddenly occurred that I had happened upon a used bookshop I had passed often, but did not frequent. The lingering scent of body odour and beard wax, from the hipsters who habitually flocked here, greeted me. Kenopsia giving way to vellichor as I realised I was able to browse the shelves without gagging or being overcome by homicidal urges, liberosis and subsequent, inevitable kuebiko.

    Oh but what unexpected joy! I spied a bookshelf laden with first editions of poetry. The jouska, relating to how I will convince my beloved to purchase these items for me, momentarily silenced by vemodalen as I took a photo of this find to post on his Facebook wall.
    Hint delivered, in a state of deep contemplation and vague ellipsism I returned home. Ruckkehrunruke itself fading as I started to prepare dinner.

    Dining on shellfish and partaking of a splendid Chardonnay with my love, enjoying the chrysalism almost as much as we enjoyed the beauty of nature's fury. Altschmerz at bay, the day is ended.


    Kat

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    Replies
    1. LMAO!

      <3

      You seriously reminded me of Teo/Smartie/whatsherface, here. She epitomizes the type. :)

      Delete
    2. I agree they went overboard with the list.

      I suspect sociopaths, like meditators, relate to moment-by-moment experience different than normals.

      Normals are often preoccupied with various worries. I'll be standing there bored, feeling my feet ache, as I wonder how to get out of pretending to pay attention and give a shit.

      Don't get me wrong - if I "need" something and ask you to do it and you don't, I'll feel disappointed and then almost immediately enraged at you for being an ingrate - so I'm not without feeling.

      But I can't be bothered to hear about how you are worried about the whales or global warming and the eventual death of the planet.

      Of course, if you can't empathize with my request (actually "demand") for something, I'm likely to throw you under the bus. But c'est la vie.

      Delete
    3. Well hello there, A :D
      Pleasure to hear from you, as always.

      You've got to love Smartie/Teo and her self righteous, paranoid ramblings.
      If she comes back, maybe we can all play a game of Twist the Granny Panties?
      See how many of these (or other equally pretentious) words we can include per reply to her. But let's use a third of them completely out of context, just to make it a bit more fun...


      Anon 5:58,

      Those pathetic ingrates!
      Not only failing to worship a creature such as yourself properly, by dedicating their every waking moment to thoughts of how to please you, but insisting upon speaking of "worldly issues"?

      Placing demands on you, forcing you to have to pretend to care when the topic is not about YOU.
      Oh Lord, the pain you must feel, having to get by in this cruel world!

      As if that were not enough, the fucking bastards REFUSE to jump and obey your every whim!
      Well, I for one, am outraged! Outraged!!
      How dare they fail to recognise your superior intellect, your godliness!?
      Being tasked is a great honour, since it gives their wretched lives meaning, purpose.
      But they refuse!?
      Being thrown under the bus is too good for those beasts.



      Also, here are a few unofficial, yet rather relevant, words for this site:

      Youniverse: (n) used to indicate the person has knowledge only of him or herself; their universe consists only of them.

      Errorist: (n) someone who repeatedly makes mistakes, or seems to always get things wrong.

      Epiphanot: (n) an idea that seems like an amazing insight to the conceiver, but is in fact stupid, pointless, mundane or incorrect.

      Kat

      Delete
    4. I don't know if you want to understand where I'm coming from, but in the event you do, I have quoted what you wrote and provided commentary:

      "Those pathetic ingrates! Not only failing to worship a creature such as yourself properly, by dedicating their every waking moment to thoughts of how to please you, but insisting upon speaking of "worldly issues"?"

      I don't need them to worship me. If I want something, I want it though. That's like a kid, right? And like a kid, I'm really bored if I have to socialize when I'd rather be out playing, having fun, etc. I pretend to give a shit because I know that if/when I act callous/cold, it spooks people - so it isn't entirely a deception thing, but rather, I don't want to alarm people unnecessarily. If they need help, I'll happily help them. If they "need" me to give a shit about their pet neurosis, I'm the wrong guy.

      "Placing demands on you, forcing you to have to pretend to care when the topic is not about YOU."

      I don't like it when the topic is ME. When that's the case I have to pay a lot of attention and present well. I'd rather not be the center of attention.

      "Oh Lord, the pain you must feel, having to get by in this cruel world!"

      More like frustration/irritation.


      "As if that were not enough, the fucking bastards REFUSE to jump and obey your every whim!"

      I don't expect it. I just really want what I want, and when I get frustrated, I want to retaliate, which I might (or might not) do. The scale of my retaliation can really be extreme; it isn't constrained by the normal feelings that most people have.

      You might look at Trump to understand it; if people don't give him what he wants, he unloads on them. There's nothing in his mind that ever says, "oh no, that would be too much." Instead, like Hitler, he's always thinking, "that's it. No more Mr. Nice Guy!" Which is pretty funny if you think about it.

      Delete
    5. *Raising eyebrow as I read*

      Well, that is certainly very interesting. Maybe I have been too hasty.
      Thank you :)

      "The scale of my retaliation can really be extreme; it isn't constrained by the normal feelings that most people have."

      I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean by this.
      Could you expand on it for me, please? I would love to hear some examples.

      Kat

      Delete
    6. Awww...Anon, did someone teach you the meaning of sarcasm and "taking the piss" did they?

      I was looking forward to hearing you talk about how you have the fiendish mind set of Ted Bundy.
      About how you like to imagine saying some shocking rude words to an old woman at the grocery store, before being overcome by guilt at having those thoughts.

      About this extreme retaliation you take upon the sheep who dare cross you, or refuse to love you back ;)

      Kat

      Delete
  2. Whats funny is the only time I see my friend is when they are trying to set me up or to collect this months rent. get this through ur head, the merchandise is not good enough to enter into a contract. If u want the whole tree (not the disiduous kind) then thats plausable other than that get lost, go talk to DJ hes on the level that ur looking for/accustom to.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is why I often refer to 'so-called empaths' - people who assume they are empathic yet make no effort to put themselves in the shoes of others. It seems to me that most people don't empathize so much as just assume everyone feels and thinks the same way that they do. I've yet to make up my mind whether this is due to lack of imagination, laziness, or a form of self-righteousness (I'm normal and my reality is the only reality; everything that deviates from it must be wrong). I could, of course, be wrong.

    Which makes me wonder how much of empathy is cognitive and how much is 'hot' empathy in a true empath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's an interesting question. I think we mainly assume people operate in the same way we do. To find that people don't was, let's say, a complete shock.

      Delete
    2. These words aren't made up. Some of them are of different languages, some are developed from various latin prefixes and suffixes, much like our own language. I feel that just because we don't have the ability to explain a feeling doesn't mean we can't feel it. Before any sort of language was created, those who created it first needed to find a feeling they could link to a series of identifiable syllables. Much like the word "love". It was a feeling before it became a word, not the other way around. Even the word "love" isn't sufficient enough to describe the complex emotion. No set of words will ever be. This is why we have empathy. It supersedes the simplicity of language, no matter what culture or variabled background you arrive from, links two or more people together through some unexplainable tether.

      PS: I find the need to identify that I am a sociopath and am still fully capable of emotion and empathy, granted to a different degree, only because you all insist that we are empty robots. We are not. Unlike the words defined above, people like myself have yet to find a set of vocabulary in which we can finally explain to you "normals" how we really feel. I can assure you, the words would be nothing along the lines of "devoid" or "superficial".

      Delete
  4. I think that empathy is linked with Hypersensitivity. Many "empaths" are having this kind of high sensitive phenomenon also with animals or nature...colors, or any bizarre things...
    But Empathy is not sympathy, empathy is being like a sponge taking other's people feeling as it's own feelings. Sympathy is the capacity to understand other people's feeling but doesn't mean you take it for yourself.
    I read that empathy could be linked with mirror neurons.
    Most empathy people doesn't know they are and can suffer from being this sponge, have some adaptation problems, very tired without knowing why...
    Empathy is a kind of extreme, in it's real meaning, not on the common meaning which is more close to sympathy in fact.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can feel someone else's emotion but will not necessarily pinpoint the correct reason for their emotion: for that I have to switch on a different 'circuit'. As a child I was very quick to feel other people's emotions but found a lot of miscommunication happened; after years of observation and (probably annoying) questions, I worked out that it was because of a difference in thinking and feeling about some fairly basic things. Then I had to 'learn their language'. I wouldn't say I'm fluent even now ;)

    I've seen it written that sociopaths "know the words but not the music"; I might be in the position of hearing the music but the words are in a foreign language. If I know the song well enough, I've a better chance of understanding the words. Constant translation is a little wearing and nowadays I don't always make that effort. My 'off switch' makes this easier to deal with (though probably not for the other party). What that makes me is anyone's guess, so I'm just me ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was meant to be a reply to Lala, sorry (pressed the wrong button, duh SD get some sleep).

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. Still it's not very clear for me, but I have really understood that there is a kind of problem between Empaths and Sociopaths, and a strange relation.
      I'm learning to cut or to put a clear limit when i'm facing sociopathic behaviors.
      But still I think that there is a kind of myth around sociopaths...and the reality is quite different.


      Delete
    4. :D Most of everyday life is part myth, I think. People are people. Not all Empaths are the same, not all Sociopaths are the same; not all 'so-called empaths' are the same. Reality is subjective: we can't prove it and it is mostly constructed in our minds - perception is nine-tenths of the deal. Reality is in fact a misnomer.

      Clear borders will probably help. I know how erratic some 'normal' people appear to me; must be even more confusing to someone who has no empathy. You have my good wishes, for what that's worth.

      Hopefully I pressed the right button this time - still not awake ;)

      Delete
    5. Anyway the biggest issue to solve for the empaths is their empathy system and not the sociopaths :)
      Empaths might look weird to sociopaths, but they are weird for many people...at least they are difficult to understand. It's all about their sensitive system.

      Delete
  6. I have a question: off topic, I don't think my husband is a full blown aspd; but he has more traits than the average Joe. He seems to like his own little world , content with his family, kids, work , farming.... socializing is of no value to him. If opportunity presents thou - he is nice and courteous - but he won't look for it.. I often wonder if he dislikes being around people because of a hurt childhood inside and he's triggered in some way ( not even realizing it). He always had a rebel attitude & goes against the norms of peoples thinking. He can think ahead of people. He's very observant can read people quickly. He's virtuous, but on the other hand - I see him disliking civilization more and more . I think he's the most sensitive being inside I've ever met.. but it's because he's let me in his world. Is aspd maybe a product of just ones own personal deep hurt inside? That maybe one endured too much emotion and misunderstanding growing up that it just shuts off
    ( the emotion), so the protective layers start to build up? Not that they dont feel emotion, its just limited. Congnitive empathy and his compassion empathy is there. Emotional empathy ( not too much) just limited. And sometimes he sounds cold. He's not antisocial with me or kids ( but I'm his wife) He's just anti-social with society in general. But he's content. I just wish i had his brain sometimes. I just think it would give me so much rest. Lol I apologize for my ramblings , I'm not even spell checking. must go and take cake outta oven before it burns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like a normal special snowflake.

      Delete
  7. #7 - strangely, I've felt it
    #8 - feel the urge occasionally
    #14 - don't feel like that anywhere near enough
    #15 - don't know why, but I want this to happen
    #19 - realized this years ago
    #21 - it's not possible for me to desire this more intensely

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that why you come to a sociopath blog? To learn to care less about things?

      What hurts or disturbs you so much that you should so intensely desire to not care about it, yet are unable to let go?

      Delete
  8. I love having pretty, obscure words for things. I collect them like butterflies.
    Also, Kat, you are the living end and I utterly adore your wit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kat is only the living end till she wants to drown you in what she calls ubertruths. shes an ubercunt.

      Delete
    2. Anon 5:32,
      Why thank you, that's mighty kind of you ;)

      Anon 8:30,
      Uber Cunt. I like that. Has a certain superhero ring to it, no?

      Not a fan of my uber truths?
      Everyone loves to see the image they try to project mirrored back at them.
      But the weak in character simply cannot gaze in a mirror that reflects the truth, without at least wanting to smash it. Then run and hide under their safety blankets of delusion, of course...

      Kat

      Delete

  9. I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony about how i save my marriage and get my husband back today, My name is Becky Miller , I live in Los Angeles, California, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{salvationlovetemple@gmail.comm}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelltemple.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Sam ,{ salvationlovetemple@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Sam, i will always be testifying about your good work.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm very excited sharing this amazing testimony about how i save my marriage and get my husband back today, My name is Becky Miller , I live in Los Angeles, California, I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{salvationlovetemple@gmail.comm}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelltemple.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Sam ,{ salvationlovetemple@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Sam, i will always be testifying about your good work.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My Husband left me for another woman, i am so glad that my husband is back today with the help of Dr Brave, He is Powerful and Genuine spell caster, My name is Becky Miller , I live in California,USA. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

    ReplyDelete
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  16. Hello everyone out here, am here to tell the world how a spell caster brought my husband back Home, i never thought that spell casters are real, until my husband left me. My name is Serena Williams, i work and live in UK, i got married to my husband 12 years ago, we have 3 kid together, we never have any misunderstanding all this years we lived happily,but all of a sudden he changed and started treating my kids and i very bad, later he stooped coming home, he dose not come home at least month, this really bothered me.

    I was browsing through the net one day when a came across on how Lord Micheal saved a woman called Mandy Diana marriage, i aid let me give him a try on this, i never believed in spell casting before i thought that they were all scam, when i contacted him, he told me not to worry that he will help me, surprisingly he told me that my husband will come back to me in the next 24 hours, with a heart full o doubt, it was a shock that my husband came back to me and started begging that he is sorry, and now we are happy once again. Thank you LORD MICHEAL, and if you are going through this kind of problem, here is his email LORDMICHEALSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM.He can help you solve your problem.Thank you LORD MICHEAL for restoring my marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  17. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

    ReplyDelete
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