Friday, March 2, 2012

Letter from a sociopath

From a reader:

I just stumbled upon your blog this morning between tea and eggs while I was doing preliminary research for a critique of the movie "The Talented Mr. Ripley".  My paper is focused on sociopathic behavior.  What I discovered, and what initially stymied my interest, were my own sociopathic tendencies.  Now I am (recently) 20 years old and studying film and gender at a liberal arts school in the United States.  I have never been too interested in much psychology or psychoanalysis for fear of self-diagnosis, but as a marijuana-addled young adult I am constantly questioning my identity. I come form a Gypsy background, and, to put it simply, have always felt like a social parasite.  Not for no reason, I partook in my share of moral offenses and such, but the explanation for these immoral impulses and the lack of empathy that accompanied was always my upbringing.  My mother and father were both deal seekers, often stealing what they couldn't afford or what they deemed they deserved.  But I was always perplexed about the sort of satisfaction me and my two younger brothers received from "sabotaging" public places or simply taking things that weren't ours.  Why were we different?  Were we different?  Could it all be summed up to our Gypsy mother who raised us alone for 10 years?


Although these questions were always on the back burner, they didn't affect my immediate life too much (except when my best friend found out I took his Ipod about a year ago; or my ex-girlfriend discovered the constant lies I invented to cover up inconsequential things; or the time I was arrested for shop-lifting at Target after two weeks of ripping off Health Food stores up and down the East Coast).  Nonetheless, I am very adept at observing the world around me and fitting in as best I can, "getting in" as best I can even as a constant outside observer.  I mean I observe everything, from the way people hold their hands in class when asking a question, to the way my friends adjust their pants so as to fit "conventionally" over their Ralph Lauren boxers.  I am a quick study too, often emulating the desirable traits around me and excelling at them faster, or more attractively, than the person I got it from!  Throughout the stages of my life, I have always had one close, very close, male friend who is a little more "popular", or maybe a better word "adept", at "life" or the particular goals with which I am interested in achieving.  We are constantly around each other, and I am constantly taking silent notes on how to be.  How I should go about achieving my life.  Sometimes I feel like goals aren't even mine and I construct them to more emulate a lifestyle that I desire.  I am always single, they always have long-term girlfriends (mind you I am athletic and do have a lot of sex, but I see too many flaws in every woman, too many turn-offs for me to even consider more sophisticated approaches like a date.)


I am rambling because the preverbal lightbulb literally went "click!" today as I scoured your site.  I feel very vulnerable right now, but also excited to (possibly) belong to an esoteric group of individuals.  I am not asking for any sort of response or advice, although both would be wonderful, I just have  a couple qualms and reservations that accompany a brand new way of thinking about life for me.  


a. as of right now (and more or less 3 years back)  I have been smoking pot on a daily basis.  I know that sociopathy is a complicated neurological phenomena, but from what I understand the orbitofrontal cortex is a key player in terms of what it controls.  The OC is also the focal point for a lot of neurological research structured around cannabinoid transmission.  This interests and concerns me.  If the use of marijuana exacerbates sociopathic tendencies, what are the immediate (and more longitudinal) consequences of smoking weed for someone like me?


b.  I have two younger brothers (age 15 and 18) who also smoke a lot of pot, but started earlier than me (I started at the age of 16, them 13, 14 or maybe 15).  They have their own lives and, I think, sociopathic tendencies as well, but ultimately they look up to me for guidance as they always have in a pseudo-hostile world and I want to give them the information they need to make valuable life decisions NOW before they pass a certain point of no return (if there is one).


I know this sounds like an overdue confession more suitably aimed a psychologist's way, but... meh.

 M.E.: I have no idea about pot.  I never have been into any sort of mind altering substance, mainly because I am a complete control freak and I don't have any inhibitions I would like to give up.  But maybe there are other people who would know better.

67 comments:

  1. You don't sound like a sociopath, at all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is normal for psychology students to diagnose themselves with whatever it is they happen to be studying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry, I commented earlier but it isn't worth the trouble. You guys have a go at him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not sure if you're a sociopath, but I know that my tendencies get worse with pot. So. If that was your question, then yeah. Short term, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm a sociopath, and "pot" as you call it helps me greatly in social settings. As well, functioning peirod. Cannabis saved my ass from nasty pills that turned me into a real monster, well... more so than I already am ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The sociopath I knew smoked truck loads.

      Delete
    2. Everyone smokes it, it's more abnormal if they did not.

      Delete
    3. I don't know anyone that doesn't smoke it where I live. "Montreal"

      Delete
    4. I don't but I am afraid of drugs.

      Delete
    5. It's not a drug Monica, it's a herb. And you would be worse off having a can of soda than A joint. But the USA will have you think otherwise.

      Delete
    6. A recent study over several years that came out recently validates all cannabis smokers. And the study was conclusive.

      Delete
    7. You mean this study over 20years ?

      http://abcnews.go.com/Health/occasional-pot-smoking-harm-lung-function-time-study/story?id=15331989

      Delete
    8. One thing this study fails to report, keeping the prohibition sheeple ignorant, is that Vaporising cannabis eliminates burnt paper and plant matter. Clean as clean can be.

      Delete
    9. I hate the government having it's hand in anything. I would trust weed before psych drugs. I don't trust me :)

      Delete
    10. "However, recent studies have shown that there are no links between the regular smoking of marijuana and cancer. In a 20-year study of 5,000 young adults, researchers found that, unlike tobacco use, smoking a joint once a week or a bit more doesn't harm the lungs, with less clear results regarding heavy users due to a lack of very heavy users in the study. In fact, the study found that occasional use of marijuana actually increases both lung capacity and volume over the years, possibly because marijuana smokers often take deep breaths, which exercises lung tissue. The correlation only decreased after the equivalent of about ten years of smoking a joint every day."

      Delete
    11. So you want to say pot is not a drug...it's an herb that is a drug! It's like saying heroin is not a drug because it is poppy or cocaine is not a drug because it is from the coca plant.
      My ex was a chronic pothead and I know it turned him into a sociopath--he smoked weed since the age of 13. Duh, you don't think it's gonna have any effect?
      Pot smoking losers are going to be a thing of the past. I don't need that shit, I'm better without it. The ultimate high is being able to transform oneself on a personal spiritual path. Now that takes strength!

      Delete
  7. Hey reader, if you want to set a good example for the younger bros, kill yourself. Then, hopefully, they will follow suit and the planet will rid of three pot smoking idiots :D!

    Medusa, of course it is! They only got into this field because they didn't agree with being told they weren't special, so they get a degree and study traits that sound super crazy sexy cool awesome and then apply it according to the next disorder trend.

    I was hoping this year the trend would be schizotypal or something. Sociopathy is SO last year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those first two sentences made me laugh out loud at my computer. Thank you

      Delete
    2. You sound very ignorant on this subject.
      Do a bit of research before makeing an uneducated comment.
      To tell someone to kill themselvs is just ignorant and cold.
      My guess is you may have a problem

      Delete
  8. ME, you should add a feature that allows us to like or dislike comments like on youtube.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Drink beer, smoke cigs, eat lots of sugar... we need to control the population so idiots like Piles die sooner than later ;) !

      Delete
    2. Agree on Piles Strangle material he he

      Delete
  9. This reader clearly has significant sociopathic traits, and not sure what he is asking because he does not seem to lessen his sociopathic side, just the opposite quite happy with himself. So, yeah, wanna be more like advanced socios suck that pot. Wanna be socially responsible as opposed to socially parasitic start taking control of yourself like ME does.

    I surely hope you and your siblings don't represent the youth in the USA. Would you care to share what percentage of your group in your mind are substance addicts? Should we assume this is how the citizens of developed nations deal with life?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very well said. I was thinking the same.

      Delete
  10. If I have a judgment on a person and I don't want them to see my aggressive, judgmental, opinionated side, it isn't a good idea to be high in front of them.

    I hit a nerve with someone recently. I mean it's inevitable, but my delivery sort of sucked.

    HOWEVER...here's the plus side.. I got to see a part of them I wasn't sure was there. If not for the pot I don't think I'd have seen it sooner. -I can negotiate around their personality better now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are a daily toker, you don't get "high". Misconception is you get high each time, like getting drunk on alcohol. I have been a medical user for many years. Unless I take a week or two break to lessen the THC in my blood, its a very mild calm feeling. Old myths are still a float, thanks to ignorance and prohibition.

      Keep in mind different strains have different effects on different people.

      Delete
    2. Should mention I use 4 grams a day, and have been for 7 years.

      Delete
    3. "The tolerance and withdrawal expected of a sedative does develop with the use of cannabis in concentrated forms. Tolerance strictly defined has been demonstrated only with the use of concentrated forms of cannabis or of THC and an analogue. However, a learning process that is fairly called behavioral tolerance explains some otherwise puzzling observations that are made on people who smoke grass.

      Behavioral Tolerance - The manifest expression of sedative effect depends not alone on the pharmacological effect in the strict sense but also on the expectation of the user and on his reaction to the physiological and behavioral changes perceived. Taken at bedtime, a downer will shorten sleep latency; the same dose at five in the afternoon in a situation that provides stimulation and the need to continue to function may lead to excitement. An inexperienced user, notably a first time user or someone unexpectedly experiencing a larger than usual dose or someone using in an anxiety laden situation, may be seized by panic. We have no time for case histories, but the hypomania and paranoia that accompanies the disinhibition and anxiety can be alarming to all. If the episode is followed by feelings of guilt or fear of consequences, the anxiety or panic can be prolonged or recurrent. Possibly these incidents and the withdrawal state to be described were the origin of the now discredited claim of a marijuana psychosis.

      The experienced drinker or marijuana user will not show these exaggerated reactions, indeed, he will be able to hide some minor effects consistently. The effects on psychomotor function and cognition will not, however, be lessened, that is the tolerance is more apparent than real.

      Metabolic Tolerance.- Behavioral tolerance is usually contrasted with "real" or metabolic tolerance. However, it seems to me that, in this day of disproportionate interest in biotransformation and P450, "real" tolerance should be divided into the metabolic and physiologic.

      As we shall see, some kind of tolerance to marijuana clearly must develop since its correlate, withdrawal, is easily demonstrable. Tolerance, however, is quantitatively minor, and it is not necessary to use larger and larger doses to maintain the same effect, nor do fixed doses lose their effect with continued administration. The point at this moment is that enzyme induction cannot be important in this situation since frequent users of marijuana achieve higher plasma levels after a test dose and excrete the dose over a longer period than do infrequent users (Figure 6).

      Physiologic Tolerance - Small but statistically significant degrees of tolerance to

      the effects on cardiovascular function, amount of REM sleep, psychomotor performance, intraocular pressure, subjective judgment of intensity of effect and others developed rapidly when, to cite one specific paper, 210 mg per day of THC or the equivalent in the form of crude extract was given for 11-21 days.

      During the above period of drug administration, physical dependence developed, for, to anticipate the next paragraph, the abrupt replacement of the drug with a placebo led to signs of hyperexcitability or stimulation, that is, to withdrawal. The constant presence in the body of a depressant had led to the activation of antagonizing, stimulant or excitatory physiologic systems."

      Delete
  11. tco zit jij op rodelichten?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think TCO is Dutch. Actually he never said what he was that I have read.

      Delete
    2. fishing expedition hehe

      Delete
    3. wacher are yiu aa peeping tom?

      Delete
    4. TCO is from Georgia USA not Russia y'all

      Delete
  12. My ex is a sociopath and the idea of not being in complete control would never be even remotely acceptable. He does not drink, swear, indulge in caffeine, or do any drugs. This is also part of of his made up "morality". The fact that he doesn't drink or do drugs--EVER is part of the show; part of the illusion that he is safe, moral, and in fact UNABLE to do anything shady because he is so highly ethical and moral. He can't groom the sort of people he wants to if he were a pot smoker or if he drank. It is necessary for him to groom decent, intelligent, and sucessful people because that is who he feeds on. His host organisms are gentle, family sort of people and he especially enjoys people with right wing and Christian morals because if he can get them in his corner, it helps him appear above suspicion. So, I would say that smoking pot/sociopathy is individual. I think maybe smoking pot helps ease the relentless boredom that sociopaths feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MJ changes the tick tock in my head. Can't smoke everyday. I'd be a vegetable and even more laid back. I need to have control of my life. But it's nice for relief of whatever I'm ruminating about.

      Delete
    2. There are strains that do not involve those changes you speak of. Educate.

      Delete
  13. Michael Martin PlunkettMarch 2, 2012 at 9:55 AM

    on topic of the blog post-

    its the pot fucking with ur mind it turned ya into a psychopath just say no to drugs

    another sad example of how drugs ruin lives haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree!!!

      (Drinks Beer)

      Delete
  14. Frank, sugar in MY bowl tastes beter with haze.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad I mattered to someone. Franks picture was on there too.

      Delete
  15. The questions in point here are:

    1)Is THC in particular an exaggerator for Sociopath-specific brain chemistry?

    Hard to know, even under clinical conditions. For one thing, you'd need firm definitions of what behaviors are sociopathic. And THC might affect some behaviors, but not others. I'd say read up more on the orbitofrontal cortex.

    2)Does drug use create in users a mindset which it might be dangerous for a sociopath to have?

    Yes, but it depends on the sociopath. How is your impulse control? Poor? You aren't going to help yourself stay in control by removing any inhibitions. Pretty good at blending in and controlling other people? You might not be if remove your inhibitions.

    The thing about using any damn drug is that you should always do a qualitative cost/benefit analysis. Is the fun/calm/high/pain relief/clear sinuses you get from whatever drug it is, going to be worth the side effects?

    For me, the other side effects of pot use I take into account are increased laziness, slowed reaction time, lung cancer and jail time. Other benefits are numerous - it makes me feel whole and creative and curious, things I generally don't get from say, alcohol. And I think it's highly addictive, and I try to keep it on a short leash because I don't like being addicted to things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "The study authors analyzed data from participants in a 20-year federally funded health study in young adults that began in 1985. Their analysis was funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse.
      The study randomly enrolled 5,115 men and women aged 18 through 30 in four cities: Birmingham, Chicago, Oakland, Calif., and Minneapolis. Roughly equal numbers of blacks and whites took part, but no other minorities. Participants were periodically asked about recent marijuana or cigarette use and had several lung function tests during the study.
      Overall, about 37 percent reported at least occasional marijuana use, and most users also reported having smoked cigarettes; 17 percent of participants said they'd smoked cigarettes but not marijuana. Those results are similar to national estimates.

      On average, cigarette users smoked about 9 cigarettes daily, while average marijuana use was only a joint or two a few times a month — typical for U.S. marijuana users, Kertesz said.

      The authors calculated the effects of tobacco and marijuana separately, both in people who used only one or the other, and in people who used both. They also considered other factors that could influence lung function, including air pollution in cities studied.

      The analyses showed pot didn't appear to harm lung function, but cigarettes did. Cigarette smokers' test scores worsened steadily during the study. Smoking marijuana as often as one joint daily for seven years, or one joint weekly for 20 years was not linked with worse scores. Very few study participants smoked more often than that.

      Like cigarette smokers, marijuana users can develop throat irritation and coughs, but the study didn't focus on those. It also didn't examine lung cancer, but other studies haven't found any definitive link between marijuana use and cancer."

      Delete
  16. Er.......firstly....you commenters shouldn't even be alluding to what this person is. (you don't know them you tools).
    Secondly.....why are people even still PMing ME for help and advice, after all...i can't fathom the lingering respect given the way her/his blog has gone....sorry ME i just don't buy it...

    This blog is a joke....fix it ME or close it down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shut up not me

      Delete
    2. notme, what on earth are you doing here? Just fuck off, will you?

      Delete
    3. YES FUCK OFF notme

      Delete
    4. haha he pissed off some freaks

      Delete
  17. Through drug use, I can delve into my mind, and alter my thoughts and beliefs so as I can represent myself however I need to be seen. To be the best at fooling others of your beliefs and intentions, you need to be able to fool yourself. Cannabis and other hallucinogenic drugs increase your brain activity and initially inhibit you, but once you can utterly control your mind in the realms on non-reality, there is nothing you can't control. It's exercise, maintaining your ability to control yourself and the situation around you, no matter what interferences to your mind or those around you may occur. Drugs made me what I am, and I never lose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If drugs made you who you are, then you are a loser. Drugs dont help you control anything. That's a bunch of bollocks. I'm not against weed either. I smoke it twice a week. I cut back because it was ruining my memory and how quick I can react in conversations. People want to justify their over consumption of things by calling it a mental tool. The reality is that it is a substance you take to have fun by chemically changing what's happening in your body and mind. If you do too much of any substance that does that there are consequences. Drugs don't help you control anything. They help you disconnect.

      Delete
    2. Cool opinion bra

      Delete
    3. They are a test a will, and can take you to the deepest levels of meditation you could ever achieve. Certain recreational drugs may disconnect you personally, but I assure you, with further practice and understanding, that is far from the truth.

      "LSD and ketamin are my mains for 'meditation'. Ketamin's a suprising one though, i didn't realise how hallucinogenic it was until i got here.
      You can travel far within your own brain on it.
      On the occasion, I've done k-hole lines just before laying down to bed with the lights out, in the darkness, with atmospheric music playing.
      Then, because all of your senses have shut down, but your mind is still massively active, you are taken out of your body and left only with your counciousness, which is then rapidly flung around the spectral realm, held in tact and carried by whatever music you choose to accompany your journey.
      Your brain can process a lot in that time,
      because you forget your body,
      and that you have a physical positioning,
      and a physical existance.
      So you forget the world and every insignificant thing that goes with it,
      and you can truely think in silence,
      about the truth,
      and what is."
      We are all as we are, because we understand only in 'truths'....

      Delete
  18. KiddieFiddlerWorld.comMarch 3, 2012 at 2:31 AM

    So this is where are the kiddie fiddlers congregate...! You're all so cool and smart x

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. ^ Troll.

    (Deleted because I wanted to correct a typo.)

    One thing I disagree with, that seems to be a prevalent feature of most sociopaths is this desire to fit in and/or emulate popular people. I find it kind of pathetic. Can't you just be you? Why hide who you are? Sure, people may like you less, but at least you'd have integrity, and you could take pride in being a super fucking asshole. (..And that isn't an insult.)

    ReplyDelete
  21. That seems like a dumb idea, Kyle. You must be low functioning. If I didn't want to fit in, I'd be giving in to every impulse, I'd be jerking of on random women in public places. What would be more pathetic than that? I think there's more integrity to keeping it in my pants. And if that's hiding who I am, I'm glad. I'd rather hide and be called a coward by a dumbass like you than be called a pig by the rest of society. Idiot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not talking about giving into impulses, Ukan, I'm talking about sociopaths that spend their lives imitating others, wearing masks, not just pretending to be empathetic, but pretending to be someone else completely. I have few morals, but I guess I value being just who I am, and find a certain integrity in being an honest asshole, if an asshole. I'm proud to be me.

      Delete
    2. P.S. Sure you're as cold as you think you are? Obviously you care what I think, and what society thinks. You seem quite butthurt.

      Delete
  22. My ex smoked it from a young age and he is a sociopath. I believe you do sound like you have some tendencies, particularly the lying part, sociopaths are often pathalogical liars. But mostly sociopaths don't believe they are sociopaths or don't care. whatever the case, go seek some help before you damage others.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I'm Christian and have always been raised very strictly with four brothers, and I'm the middle child. Having that need for attention is very strong for both of us. When you said how u notice everything, you said u were rambling because the light bulb went off I just thought he sounds just like me. I smoke everyday for the past two years because I'm bored without bud unless I manage to stay occupied. But as you said, we're academic naturally so school has never been a challenge. I'm sure you too are great picking up on body language, knowing what someone you know well is going to say before they say it, etc. I'm guessing from your writing style you're well educated and happen to be easy on the eyes like most of us 'sociopaths' or narcissists, and my problem has always been about confidence. I too can't ever see myself wanting to date one girl for a long long time. I'm still a virgin but wherever I go everyone always stares at me. I don't know if it's cause of my face, how I carry myself, and cause I'm so well hung, but I use to love it and thrive on it but now it's just annoying because I know I could get any girl, but I'm only 18 right now, so it's tough to find those sexy girls who are soon to be down to fuck, as I'm sure you found irritating during late teen hood. Have you ever found that when high, you think everyone's judging you all the time, even when they're not but when you're sober you don't give a fuck and you are full of confidence and can practically say anything to anyone at anytime and be casual and charming and charismatic about it? I love weed but I also know I love ass. I like em I don't 'love' em. But whenever I'm high, even if I know a girl thinks I'm great looking or even some fuckin sexy milf I'd deep down have no shot with, is talking to me and is already married but being friendly, I always (here's the big drum roll) OVER THINK the shit out everything, and my heart rate goes up and sometimes my face gets real red. I'm improving on things like that compared how bad I use to be a year ago, but still I'd love to have our great qualities of courting any girl we choose without getting embarrassed or pressured cause some goofy lookin' kid is staring at you talking to a cute girl. Maybe that's not a problem for you cause you actually do get ass, but I'm believing deep down, you use to be just like ME, Israel Mumma, is my name. And after reading your greattttt post, cant be emphasized enough, that I'll be able to be like you one of these days in the near future. Also to be honest i really don't get too emotional other than when it comes to what others think of me, and that I never felt loved from my mom and dad as much as i should've. Aside from that I only cried when I got in trouble or hurt myself and haven't cried at a funeral since I was five or 9 at my aunt's. I know I'm all over the place with this but I'm, too excited to meet someone so remarkably Similar/exact. When sober, do you find that you can lie about anything to anyone and really believe it yourself, but after smoking and then coming down a little bit, you naturally lose confidence in your self worth, and self image and go back to your unconfident scrounging days? I would love to learn to smoke and know what to tell myself mentally to keep that undeniable charm:) Respond in any way you'd like if you could, and I'd be very grateful.

    ReplyDelete
  24. You are an irresponsible, self centered fucktard...and that excites you? Wow...I'd love to know if you eat cheerio's with sugar. Yawn.

    ReplyDelete
  25. don't u believe in the laws of the universe, like in karma? young, attractive people with some money or a lot of money think they can get away with murder without consequences, right? Or if u think u are Christian, don't u believe in some kind of judgment? Wait until u r older and enjoy your disgusting karma!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am a psychopath and cannabis helps me more than any of the drugs psychiatrists give me so i dont know why you people say its bad and shit. Its a medicine that occurs naturally in nature why should we not use it if it helps?

    ReplyDelete

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.