Friday, March 30, 2012

I feel your loss

Many readers have asked me how sociopaths respond to feelings of loss, either a break up, a death, etc. I discussed this once myself in the context of fungibility.  A sociopath reader agreed to share her own experiences regarding the loss of a partner.

He was the ultimate empath. Not blind to my sociopathy at all. Yet he embraced me and loved me unconditionally. It was an intense and giving sort of love, which suited my selfish love just fine. We were puzzle pieces.

One morning, I stopped hearing from him. No cheerful "Good morning, beautiful" text. One day turned to two days. On the third day (he didn't rise again), his brother sent out a mass message saying he was involved in a motor vehicle collision and was in critical, comatose condition. I expected to feel like I'd been sucker punched. Instead, I felt strangely the same. As devoid as I'd always been. I really thought it would work out and I'd get the sociopath's version of happily ever after, haha. We were planning on an extended vacation, just the two of us, for later that summer. After he passed, my sister, with whom he was on friendly terms, revealed to me that he had been planning on proposing that summer. She'd been sworn to secrecy.

Shit sucks. But you get over it. For those of us who have an emotional deficit, it's an easier and quicker process. I still miss his presence and unconditional acceptance, but I have no intentions of putting a halt to my life for a body that's six feet under. I'm currently dating a guy who displays distinct sociopathic traits and that has its own problems. I don't concern myself with what-ifs with the dead, unless it's the zombie apocalypse.

99 comments:

  1. Always the fucking zombie apocalypses... Did I miss some kind of law that dictates everything has to move towards a zombie-singularity or something?

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  2. you did however the law is unspoken lol

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  3. Drunk guy video in the back of a police crusier, singing Queen.

    Check it out. No link you say ? Look for it yourself lazy fuck. I'm not your mom..

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  4. That was fucking funny!

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  5. Yes, my sociopathic ex husband felt as you did when our
    our only son died at age 5. I see him as a demon in skin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol! that's life, get over it

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    2. ^Your sp remarks don't bother or hurt. It feels
      good to rise above you bottom feeders....

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    3. tell yourself whatever you have to to live in that pathetic skin of yours.

      Delete
    4. And yeah, all the way at the bottom in my Porche. *Belch*

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  6. ^Let me expand on my above post; sociopaths are the epitome of pure evil and wickedness; they are demons wearing skin.

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    Replies
    1. Sucker ^

      one born every minute.

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    2. Anon loves to hate us. Even while whining about the pain, she's here lapping it up.

      Delete
    3. Are you feeling like a sucker because society is
      finally aware of what and who you are? Your hearing
      it everwhere.........

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    4. lol....lol......lol

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    5. You sociopaths are finally exposed; it's going to
      hinder your wins and success.....lol....lol...lol

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    6. Finally ? What boat have you just arrived on? Half your police force is sociopathic, your president is a psychopath ! lmao

      Fucking clueless idiot !!

      Delete
    7. Finally exposed? I think someone deserves a pat on the back! Good job! Proud much?
      No..
      Society has been aware of the type, now you just have a handy little label to throw around. Just because you read about us, doesn't mean you can identify one. Especially with all that vanity in the way, Anonymous.

      Delete
    8. Careful Gray.... she might rise above you in her pink moo moo eating bon bons all day.

      Delete
    9. Todays "society" is what creates a sociopath. More so now than ever before. Not to mention Narc's.

      Delete
  7. ^Oh, I can identify sociopaths - quite easily; no zing
    to it.

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    Replies
    1. WOW! Amazing!! Dr R hare... the world leader can't even do that. You must be some sort of super human! WTF are you doing on a simple blog site ??

      Moron

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    2. I can spot a sp quite easily with my 120 lb. eyes.
      Our President is one and some policemen are but most
      of them are angry; from sex abuse as children. Along
      with the vanity is a high IQ!

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    3. Then, why are you on here?? Does it make you feel brave?

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    4. Just slumming............

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    5. A gift not everyone wants. (:

      Delete
  8. "Let me expand on my above post;"

    The only thing expanding.... is the size of your ass you heffer!

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  9. interesting! i am glad to say that i don't have a deficit in the empathy department. i am very happy to be that way. it must really suck to be devoid of any compassion. you socios may think you have the upper hand but you don't. to be able to connect with other human beings, nature, and animals is a gift. really...it is!

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  10. I hate all the rituals they do with the dead

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of my childhood friends died. All her friends washed her body carefully all together. Like they were giving her a bath. I thought that was nice.

      Delete
  11. Hello SW! It's been awhile. I miss you.

    I wish I had this particular reaction to loss. Though if I'm honest, it's the fear of a loss than the actual loss itself that seems to be more my issue. Once something is solidly decided I have an easier time processing it. If there's any room for rumination, negotiation, or fluxuation I just go crazy and heartbroken.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Haven, just stopped by, it's been a while, nice to see you.

      I'm like you too, but I interpret that as the discomfort of uncertainty, needing that secure feeling of knowing the path at least in the short term. It's particularly pissy when put in that position by some incompetent idiot who is not playing his/her part right (according to our script, of course). Pretty spoiled, ain't we?

      Delete
    2. ::laughs:: The discomfort of uncertainty is a wonderful way of putting it, yes.

      Just because I want things to go perfectly how they appear in my mind every single time doesn't mean I'm spoiled. Well. Ok. Maybe a little ;)

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    3. I think I am surely spoiled because more often than not things do go my way. I used to be shocked when people complained that things always went my way. Partially because they never declared their way or they also decided my way was better. So then why bitch, bitches.... :)

      I am in a perky mood, you can tell.

      Isn't it hard to believe we used to get over 600 comments out here? That couple sure used to get me worked up at times. Looking back that sounds hilarious. I think they left because they really got scared that they would be ousted (if not already).

      Delete
    4. By the way, I'm being bullied by a relatively sociopathic woman lately and it sure has been work. The most amazing thing is how long it took me to recognize. I thought she was a beeper for almost two years and tried to stay on her good side. Then I finally saw all the lies and manipulations behind the scenes and ever since then the scene has turned around. I am honestly scared of her, though. It's hard to understand the degree of evil in a person. At this point I have no trust towards her and I am on full alert.

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    5. What is a beeper? (besides beeping phones)

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    6. Anon, I used to answer most questions like yours but no more. I guess I learned from the sociopaths to care a bit less.

      Google, will you? Or use 'search this blog.'

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    7. I don't think I've ever been spoiled. I mean, maybe, but I usually know how to find the way that best appeases the group and also me so most everyone wins. Maybe that's just my special brand of manipulation. Also, if other people don't want to do it my way, I'm perfectly happy to just have my way on my own. As I said on my blog the other day, 'I don't need other people to do it my way, I just need other people to accept that I will be doing it my way.'

      man, 600 comments. all the regulars seem to be gone these days. The format change fucked with everyone. Either that or we were coming to a head anyways. Plus the weather is getting nice and who wants to stay inside when there is actual life to be had.

      I don't understand bullying. It's an odd thing with me. I mean, I've been abused, but bullying from someone I don't love? Hah, never. Kick their fucking teeth in. I just can't understand letting someone I don't care about have any kind of power over me.

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    8. Anon... a beeper is someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

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    9. ^Haven....Thanks for giving your time.

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    10. Haven I am glad you are back.

      Delete
  12. Interesting! I am glad to say that I have a deficit in the empathy department. I am very happy to be that way. It must really suck to have compassion. You NT's may think you have the upper hand but you don't. To be able to manipulate other human beings, nature, and animals is a gift. really...it is!

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  13. haha, this whore is clearly bitter how her pathetic life turned out. Prob was taken but a lower functioning socio.

    That must really suck lol

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  14. And coming to a sociopath blog site, to tell a bunch of sociopaths things, that they don't care about. That's brilliant bumpkin.

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  15. It's been a long time Fly, been hiding out ?

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  16. .::TheChosenOne::.March 30, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    S32 32.3094 W70 4.46639

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  17. It gives me great pleasure in knowing that sociopaths
    are paranoid.

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    Replies
    1. //interesting! i am glad to say that i don't have a deficit in the empathy department. i am very happy to be that way//

      lol, idiot

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    2. Make up your soggy mind, will you ?

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    3. Just letting you know - you don't have the upper
      hand.........

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    4. let's put it this way...since only about 3% of you fuck heads are sociopaths, you are in the minority. i can think of many ways to do riddance to your kind. MANY!!! It's amazing how completely arrogant you people are. That's cool...keep on being in your little bubble of arrogance. In the meantime, us empaths will be figuring out a way to stick a chip in your ass...oh, i mean, head!!! :-)

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    5. ^Not only arrogant but their posts are so negative
      and dark; they must be miserable people!

      Delete
    6. What are you talking about when you say "upper hand". I'm not a sociopath, but my brother is. I don't think you understand sociopathy at all. He lives his life, has kids, wife, job, home etc... and he's a bit of a mouthy hot head when someone annyos him. Where is the upper hand ? Stop watching Dexter.

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    7. ^Aggy...What does the upper hand have to do with
      Dexter? Geeeeeze!

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    8. Because that is about the extent of your knowledge of psychopaths

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    9. ^Never watched Dexter, idiot!

      Delete
  18. When life sucks due to external shit it really help to be sociopathic and not be further weakened by the associated emotions.

    But, when external world is at peace and happy empaths manage to feed on that wonderful feeling and socios can't. It's as if too much happiness of outside is a burden on them, or they like the chaos and darker challenges because they are then ahead of others.

    So much to learn from both socios and empaths, and aspies, and beepers...

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  19. I have not been able to post, glitches maybe. I think you are a very precious person ME.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm drunk ! :D And I'm watching "A Game of Thrones" with friends. How's it going Sociopathworld? :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm getting drunk too! I love that show. Of course I know everything that will happen because I read all the books, but the show is really great!

      Delete
    2. Being drunk is awesome! Everything is just so much more niteresting when you're drunk! Even walking is fun! Or maybe especially walking. :D Game of Thrones is awesome. Originally I wanted to read the books before seeing the TV show, but fuck that. Peer pressure! :D

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  21. On topic: I'm not sure how I deal with loss. I've never lost anything (or anyone for that matter) significant. :/

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    Replies
    1. Loss starts with the departure from the womb, Wheatley. Loss of innocence... That you lost by age 6 or so. You are young, so you did not lose a loved one, a significant relationship, a job, a limb, etc. yet. If you are the proactive type you may want to read some loss or letting go type of book just to get a feel for what is to come. It is to come for sure at some point unless you die young, of course. Have a long and lucky life.

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  22. I get hugely hit each time a new type of loss happens, but after going through one type more of the same kind eases till I hit next original type of loss. Life seems to be a series of dealings of loss, especially as people get older. From loss of loved ones to loss of teeth.. Crikey!

    Do you have those terrible tooth falling nightmares? I love my teeth, I get those stupid tooth-loss nightmares about once every two year or so.

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    Replies
    1. I get them too. The same, like every few years.

      Delete
    2. good god don't give my brain ideas. i have tooth wiggling nightmares, where they're all really loose and i have to adjust them or they get all messed up together.

      oh and trying to spit out tennis ball sized wads of chewing gum nightmares.... really gross. haven't had that one in a while!

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  23. Sceli....Try reading the book "Necessary Loses," it may
    give you some insight and dream interpretation. Your post
    says soooooooo much about you.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the reference. Read all the reviews on the book. Definitely is the kind of book I appreciate. Reading the views of those who gave bad evaluations was also educational. There is no pleasing everyone, it's a good idea to define a group, support that group, while keeping an eye on the rest and minimizing their negative influence.

      Delete
    2. Sceli...Since you enjoy enlightening others;
      I'm curious as to how YOU minimize negative influences by others?

      Delete
    3. I enjoy enlightening others... I minimize negative influences by others...

      Yes, both are true. You must have been on the site for a while to notice. I am not sure if you are being sarcastic and mocking me, but I will assume not and answer, particularly because I actively try to minimize negative influences.

      First tool is elimination of contact. Sharp and effective. If I observe a long enough time that someone is a debbie downer (see wikipedia if you don't know this SNL character) I cut contact with the person. No explanations, no beating around the bush, just clear cut avoidance, silent treatment. I used to try to reason and change in the past but that sort of caring was never welcome by these negative types, so it's best that I just let them be away from me.

      Having said that I still find myself in situations that bring me down, and I first consciously recognize that this indeed happened, as opposed to emotionally beating myself up. And revert the emotion to thinking and brain, away from the heart. The negative emotion, grief/shame/sadness/anxiety, does not always quickly leave, and that is ok, I don't test or judge myself on how long the shit lingers but do my best to kill it by focusing on what makes me happy: watch something funny, read some excellent book, paint something (canvas, wood, anything), go walk in natural beauty, check out some sexy abs, whatever. Life is full of positive stuff to override the negative.

      One thing I noticed though, dealing with the negative has a drive in the brain that is similar to chocolate or sex. Human brain does enjoy sticking around negative in a twisted way. I remind myself that and don't let my brain play conspiracy on me and join my sad/anxious heart when shit happens.

      Delete
  24. Sceli you are a sociopath?

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    Replies
    1. Repeating for the record.. I am an uber-empath with huge respect for what human brain can do and actively learn from the sociopaths to stop caring when it reaches harmful levels in my own system

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  25. every loss is a reminder of the ultimate final loss, which is frightening and weirdly comforting too.

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    Replies
    1. I imagine sw ending and that I would feel loss. ME said he was going to end it when he got tired..he said he renews his plans every few years. Will he warn us when the last post is going to happen or will he just end it? Because if he just ends it I will have him know I am going to stalk him privately lol.

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    2. Um he's using you like a paper napkin --right now, idiot!

      Delete
  26. sceli what you said up there is very helpful. t y.

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    Replies
    1. what you said at 12:29. I am bipolar and one thing I've noticed is that since I have trouble trusting happiness, I do many self manipulations.

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    2. Interesting... I actually noticed that because I seem happy all the time some people totally treat me as if I am not trustworthy. Up until recently I did not understand this at all. But, now I do.

      Actually one of these told me once that he is bipolar. Can you help me understand what goes on in your mind? I mean, is it possible for you to trust and feel others' happiness or their being truly happy for you when you are happy?

      I SWEAR TO GOD (not that I am religious but you get the idea) WHEN I SEE A HAPPY PERSON I TOTALLY FEEL THEIR HAPPINESS. WHEN I SEE AN OLYMPIC WINNER I FEEL THE JOY OF THAT WIN. But, if the winner has proven to be an ass-hole in the past then I totally hate that the asshole won something that in my mind is unfair, because he is an ass-hole. It's as if being and ass-hole is a choice. Mentally, I feel sorry for the psychopaths who are born that way, no matter how terrible their crimes are. I mean, I can understand that I might have been the same way had I been wired so wrong biologically. But, it is when I sense that an ass-hole is just choosing to be so and not caring I start really getting pissed off.

      The bipolar I know manipulates things in a way that he abuses his parental power over children, and that just rubs me the wrong way. I feel like stealing those children away from him.

      I noticed some new comer asked if I am a sociopath. No, I am not, but trying to learn the tricks in case I need them. I am an uber-empath under education in SW to learn from sociopaths to reduce the level of caring into reasonable levels.

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  27. sceli.......I think you have learned their tricks and are
    using them in an arrogant way. Thanks for showing me how
    an asshole responds to people. I have heard enough from
    you!

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    Replies
    1. you speak like a narcissist, anon. :(

      Delete
    2. Zoe - - who rattled your cage?

      Delete
    3. Zoe - - I can't be a narcissist - I have immediate
      empathy for others.

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    4. lol

      don't stress it, anon. i didn't say you were one, just that you speak-ed like one. :)

      Delete
  28. Oh, you care too much for people..
    I have that sometimes. I have it a lot. But I have some rules for myself that counterbalance things. It sounds like you do, too.

    It figures a bipolar person told you that. I bet they would love it if you came in to work with your mascara running down your face. When I feel terrible I am in awe and envious of people who are always happy. I look at them like they have jewels in their eyes and I hope they will take me and cast a happiness spell on me, haha. It is a gift to feel happiness at the drop of a hat.

    I can feel the happiness from the things you describe, inspired even. I am moved but still it is a bit conscious. A lot of times 2 minutes later I am looking inward and either feeling jealous or sorry for myself, or just angry I don't have /can't have/can't sustain THAT. I really piss myself off to the point I have to shut out that side. I have to self soothe myself out of it. That is a bad day for me, when I have to talk myself out of beating myself up for being unhappy. The worst thing to do is compare myself with others.


    Bipolar depression can be all-consuming. You need to develop skills for the battle. It's like when ME talked about pain at the dentist. You have to do mind tricks. You have a life that needs to be lived regardless of some fucked up nature shit you had nothing to do with.

    I have an aunt who takes my face in her hands and says "It's so good to see you happy" I want to cry when she says that because I realize to be happy is everything to me and so many other people who love me. I can trust her, and I can trust some other people. But I cannot trust all others. You know how some people will say, "Oh .. I see you are happy today, yes? Just so happens that -oh look! Here is a pile of dogshit I need to you clean up. Talk later" I can see the fangs out on those people so I don't show them any joy. They only want to kill a smiling face.

    I don't know if it's the bipolar thing that is this father's problem. I think it is his character and stupidity. Plenty of normal people are abusive, but because mania can give one such aggression and all, if he's already a douchebag, being manic is very bad for those kids. I just met a woman who is bipolar. Her ex is trying to take their children away from her and fight about money. I dont' know what their story is, but there are always 2 sides. He's using her diagnosis in court. And when people want to blame blah blah blah on a person's illness AND attack their character to manipulate outsiders it gets a bit iffy. I think this ex-spouse just wants what he wants and is using anything as leverage.

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  29. That was a great behind the scenes explanation on how and why I was disturbing some people by simply being happy plus putting my happiness out there. One tends to think that the others are like the self (well, at least I did for a long time but not anymore, and a lot of it is thanks to SW, and hearing how different internal voices can be). So, my putting it out there was with the thought that I'd make them happy by sharing but I learned that this is not necessarily the case. So, I try to hold back in sharing of my happiness.

    Thank you for taking the time to share, bipolar anon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NO!! Please don't ever not show yourself, especially your happiness! Don't let anyone make you shut up.

      And GENUINE happiness can be contagious. Seeing you can brighten my day. I can learn how to do happiness from being around you, and asking why you are happy. Sometimes I do not even know that I should be happy. I forget the good things that happened in the morning, for example. If I think I should be happy, I can put myself there if not for a long while, for a bit. And for that I am grateful. I also have bpd, so my happiness is like a relationship to someone. I forget about it if it isn't staring me in the fucking face.

      Delete
  30. Anonymous at 8:46 said..
    Zoe - - who rattled your cage?


    it's one of dem fancy self-rattling cages

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  31. i'm no shit flinging monkey!! :(

    ReplyDelete
  32. Zoe likes to wrap up her plops in pretty scented tissue paper and put a bow around each piece. You save it up in potpourri-scented drawers, Zoe, but not the ones where your pretty panties are. Then when you are ready to fling you have it UPSed with a lipstick mark on the tissue paper. You kiss your shit goodbye. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. She was the love of his life and she said:
    "Shit sucks. But you get over it. . . . . .I have no intentions of putting a halt to my life for a body that's six feet under."
    -The emotional part of me aside that makes complete sense... I never had the capacity to feel(?) that way, but now I can somewhat comprehend it and recognize how pathetic living an emotion based life is! It’s not much of a life at all… nor is having very shallow emotions or being literally emotionless. Regardless… wow.

    By the way, inspiration for the movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" makes much more sense nowwww. There should be a blog on that, although I'm not sure how the discussion wouldn't be completely redundant. Who knows...

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  34. The loss of someone important in my life leaves me "unanchored" for a few days. My world is such a carefully constructed thing--large shifts like major players leaving take time to settle. Once my world reforms, however, it's done. It's over. I feel no sadness.

    Strangely, the only deaths which still affect me are those which happened to me earlier in life, with a couple relatives I didn't actually know all that well. The two relatives in question were intensely fascinating people (even at a young age, I could tell they were something above average), and I still mourn their losses because now I am aware of how much potential good it would have done me to know them. The grief comes about very rarely, but, when it does, it hits hard and breathtakingly fast.

    It's a supremely selfish sorrow--I don't cry because they've died, I cry because I'm struck by all the things I myself am missing out on.

    ReplyDelete

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