Thursday, March 29, 2012

Emotional martyrdom

A reader sent me this article about emotional martyrs.  Martyrs of all types are perplexing to me.  I read the drivel on LoveFraud and wonder, why would anyone choose to see the world this way?  In which they are constantly being acted upon, never acting.  I always want to think that I control everything, even if that means that I am the reason why something has gone wrong.  It's very empowering and I surround myself by people who think like that as well because it rubs me the wrong way to have people blame me for their misfortunes.  In my mind, we all make choices and should all have to suffer the consequences.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the above referenced article suggests that there is a connection between martyrs and the conscience-less:

Martyrs are often attracted to difficult and abusive people. They have a compulsive need to change them, make these people good, and make them appreciate and respect them. They pick spouses who are brutal or intolerant, who lack a conscience, who deceive and manipulate them, and who resist the martyr’s efforts to reform them. It is interesting that they unconsciously choose to be around impossible people, and that their efforts to rehabilitate the latter are doomed to fail.

Do they really want to change us?  Or do they just like the abuse?  I'm inclined to think the latter.  My thoughts are that it's generally understood that people don't change so if people are around me, it must be because they like what I'm dishing out.


50 comments:

  1. Besides the censorship, Zhawqs blog format is better. Was this what you had dreamed your blog would turn into ME, a race to see who posts first ? You ignored people when they complained about the new format. Now this place is boring, there is no reason to come here, other than to see if you have come to your senses yet.

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  2. Perhaps people choose abusive partners because they had
    parents or caretakers that were sociopaths or abusive.
    People like familiar. This article has little truth to
    offer......

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  3. Do sociopaths/psychopaths show micro expressions ??

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  4. There seems to be a thing with bad guys and bad girls - they think we're adOrable. There's that book "Why Men Marry Bitches" I never read it but I'll tell you..I do think people like to know they'll be protected if some jackoff comes their way. Men want to know they(as a couple) won't be fucked with.

    I've been with weak men -martyr types. They suck at protecting my (ours, even)interests. So they'll get my "abuse". They LIKE it. It makes them feel cared for. It seems like I care about them. Well, ok yeah. I do. They're mine after all. But my abuse is peppered with disdain for them. Do they stick around? The ones who let the world walk all over them don't seem to mind if I walk all over them. And they don't get my respect for sticking around. They get more verbal abuse.

    Do I like abusive men? Hell fucking no. Do I kind of get off watching them get their way? Yeah. But if it's abusive, no. I fight with them because it's fun. You can't fight with martyrs.

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    Replies
    1. So you also stick with abusive men, Peaches? Cuz you're drawn to the drama too? Cuz you secretly like abuse?

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    2. I didn't say that. I enjoy fighting for my power. It enlivens me. It makes me feel good to stick up for myself. It's a game most people don't play. People want to know why we stick around socios and psychos. You guys want to know so I'm telling you. I'm giving you my perspective. I'll kick any one of you to the curb and think nothing about it. I'm a borderline fucking bitch sometimes :) And I'm glad.

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    3. You're a little cunt.

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    4. You're turning me on.

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    5. Peaches

      If your a borderline - did you learn your sociopathic
      tendencies from a sociopath? Did you spend some
      years with one?

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    6. I believe I was abused by both parents. Whether they were "sociopathic" or not, they taught me not to sweat idiocy (them) and not to trust. I don't take things personally anymore because I can't control the things I can't control. One of my boyfriends I have been influenced by. The narcissistic ones Kind of sharpened my skills.

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  5. " I'll kick any one of you to the curb and think nothing about it."

    As if anyone would want your STI vag

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    Replies
    1. I joke about promiscuity. Why does it have to all be about sex, anon? I can have a completely platonic relationship and feel the same way.

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  6. Do sociopaths/psychopaths show micro expressions ??

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  7. The comments on the side are funny.

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  8. Is anyone else thinking 'typical Jewish/ Catholic mother' here? Personally, I just can't stand martyrs; their passive aggressive bullshit is like the proverbial red flag to a bull for me. Dated a couple of boys like that. Real easy to exploit the weakness, but all their whinging just makes it not worth the while to stick around for long.
    I agree with Peaches here, they make horrible protectors too. Had one that was unbelievably gorgeous and a martial arts expert of all things, but so weak and needy I just wanted to tear him apart. I was the aggressive protector of the two of us and the meaner I was, the happier he seemed to be. On paper he was perfect, but who wants a whiny mama's boy.
    Also have a couple of relatives like that. Every time I refuse them it starts '(tragic sigh) that's ok, you do what you must... not like I ever ask much of you... I'll be dead soon anyway'. I just love seeing the look on their face when I laugh and remind them they've been saying that for years and have yet to follow through, shows lack of commitment. Never fails to amuse me when they try it time and time again. They really do enjoy the abuse don't they?

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  9. Do sociopaths/psychopaths show micro expressions ??

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    Replies
    1. Lol, good question. I would guess "yes" but I honestly dont know. Depends if they actually REALLY believe their own lie or not at the time. Sometimes, I believe my own lies, sometimes I just pretend to.

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    2. Think about this: You're in a room full of people you have to be nice to because you don't have a choice..there are people on all sides of you. You are having a conversation with a total imbecile. Some one else is watching you interact with said imbecile. THAT person agrees with you but neither of you have to say anything to the other. However, YOU want to keep your views on imbecile a secret.. You'd have to be willing to sacrifice a semi-private eyeroll.. a nostril flare, a pursed lip, what have you lol. That's hard if you have a captive audience. How can anyone know is all I'm saying. LOL

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  10. hahaha! What a great picture! It perfectly sums up how dramatic martyrs are about themselves. On whether or not they want to change you, or want the abuse... a true martyr would never settle for anything less than both.

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    Replies
    1. you need all da suffering to make yourself bigger in your mind. a happy fool who changes every which way for you would make you vanish.

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    2. GOD you are an idiot Raven

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    3. why, anon? she has a point.

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  11. M.E. wrote...
    Do they really want to change us? Or do they just like the abuse? I'm inclined to think the latter. My thoughts are that it's generally understood that people don't change so if people are around me, it must be because they like what I'm dishing out.


    it's not about abuse. it's about going after the prize, the best genetic material. you're like some big predatory alpha fish they landed, a way cooler catch than some little guppy splashing in their pond - how do you show off a guppy?

    ;)

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    Replies
    1. That was a very good analogy, Zoe.

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    2. lol, i was just playing around

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    3. you're like some big predatory alpha fish they landed, a way cooler catch than some little guppy splashing in their pond - how do you show off a guppy?

      What does an alpha's life look like if they didn't know they were an alpha?

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    4. i feel like a big fish but with a guppie's attitude or something. How do you reconcile what is with how you distort stuff? How do you grow up to be what you already are?

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    5. maybe you need to shake off what isn't you, the belief systems and approaches that you picked up from family while growing up that don't serve you well?

      i did - i realized that some habits and attitudes that i had were ones i had just naturally taken on from my parents and made me miserable. mostly they were insidious little things - hard to spot.

      there is a lot of accumulated crap by the time you reach twenty. then you have to spend another twenty years getting rid of it. people dig too deeply, assume there is some complex reason for their unhappiness or dissatisfaction. when for the most part it's stupid little things.

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    6. for example: i grew up with perfectionists and absorbed their attitude that everything had to be perfect. but achieving perfection doesn't make me happy. i spent years struggling the way they still do, get very little return for a lot of effort, never quite being "there", hating it, before i figured out what was going on. now i sit back and watch them fuss. ha.

      :)

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    7. with respect to how to do it, how to be what you are, pay attention to patterns that emerge within yourself and with your interaction with others.

      what makes you impatient? who do you resent? when do you procrastinate, and what or who keeps you from doing exactly what you want to do?

      always the real answer is your own attitudes, not other people. when you figure out your real attitude toward life, how you really are rather than how you want to be, that's when you're in control of the wheel.

      for the most part. ;)

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    8. Thank you, Zoe.
      All my relatives are ridiculous perfectionists, too.

      Delete
  12. good article on emotional martyrs.

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  13. martyrs need to learn how to dissociate.

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  14. okay where's my little vulgar troll friend? where'd it go? :(

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  15. Do sociopaths/psychopaths show micro expressions ??
    they do but usualy for a long time works realy well think halfsmile

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  16. they are not realy micro expressions annymore than (and realy works good)

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  17. ME :
    I really like the video. But that kid's gonna have some Mommy issues, just sayin'

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  18. M.E. is a good moron, I mean Mormon. M.E. shares Sociopath secrets with Neurotypicals.

    ReplyDelete

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