Saturday, January 3, 2015

Pros and cons of dating a sociopath

This was an interesting blog post about the pros and cons of maintaining a relationship with a sociopath. I believe that this definitely could be one person's experience of one particular sociopath. I wonder whether people think that it could be generalized. Some traits, sure -- exciting, charming, etc. Others, maybe not? For instance, is it true that sociopaths tend to push their partners to achieve their potential? I could see that happening perhaps with a high functioning sociopath that sort of takes the partner under his or her wing and teaches him or her to be more risk seeking, brave, confident, etc. 

250 comments:

  1. How to recognize a female psychopath: big clitoris. Big clits are supposed to be the "definite sign" for this. So if its bigger than the average pea, beware..

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  2. If big-clitted women start "eyeballing" me while I´m eating thai-food in a cheap local diner, I know I´m in trouble. THEY have no mercy. THEY see me as the fried chicken. THEY have the "Mark of Satan" in/on their vaginas..

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  3. M.E., This is Dr. Ginger's blog. Dr. Ginger (and all of the other names attached to this person on your blog) has tons of blogs WITH URLs/domain names from all over the world (sometimes, he creates them to impersonate others as an impostor, or to make others feel uncomfortable). As you most likely saw, another blog that belongs to Dr. Ginger is the one entitled Nihilistic Mind. There are countless blogs created by this SAME person - all over the internet.

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    1. Nope, it's not Dr. Ginger's blog. It's mine.

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    2. (Comment for this thread. Once again, I didn't click on "reply" for this particular thread.)

      "Nope, it's not Dr. Ginger's blog. It's mine."

      Anon, If you were to give yourself a name, what would it be and why?

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    3. Watch out, previous anon person. You are currently on a government watch list for impersonating a lunatic.

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  4. M.E., "Don't Burn Your Bridges": Advice for Fledgling Sociopaths" is one particular entry on Dr. Ginger's/Former Plaything's blog (the one you've mentioned in your post today) which clearly shows what I mean (his style, mode of expression, history, medical issues, etc.). As one reads, it becomes apparent that many of those entries are just made-up, which is also apparent with other blogs.

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  5. I have seen several examples of high functioning socios pushing their non socio partners to achieve their potential and curbing their more self destructive tendencies. So this is indeed a thing. It depends on if you are looking at a socio with a long term attachment to their mate/friend. I have seen it done with socios who are just friends too. If we have decided that a person has value to us I and my friends are very supportive.

    Some of is just the manipulative control thing turned altruistic as it benefits us personally I am sure. It does feed my inner Puppetmaster to help people but a lot of it is as one my little socio circle put it is aiding people who "I don't enjoy horrible things to happening to". ( which is as much of a declaration of love for us as we can muster). For those who don't know me, my social circle is comprised of six sociopaths and our mates and one "normalish" dude. Two of the socios are female the rest male. My mate is also a sociopath but we are the exception.

    Our highest functioning socio has many businesses and does the same with his employees. I used to aid all the people I worked with as well as it benefits one greatly to uplift everyone around you. I know most socios prefer to manipulate people to their detriment but I would suggest the opposite. You get the same puppetmaster thrill but everyone around benefits and the benefits spill over onto you. It is win-win.

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    1. Hi Puppy basket! Nice to see you back. I very much enjoyed your posts last summer.
      I can certainly attest to the fact that a sociopath can help develop somebody's potential. I think I have been very verbal in the past about the fact that I have been the recipient of such a help.
      To this day, I cannot tell whether it was on purpose that my sociofriend helped me, or if it was my reaction to his less than kosher methods of coaching that wakened strengths in me that I did not know I had. I am very conscious of the fact that it could have gone either way. I could have let it crush me.

      My sociofriend and I speak about it sometimes. He has told me that my teaching methods are better than his: I am trying to reciprocate and help him better fit in society. Whether he truly thinks that my methods are better than his or lying to me to stroke my ego, I will probably never know...
      But I do get inspiration from this site. Particularly from you, pb. The way you say you live your life is in my mind a great example of how a sociopath can best integrate into society. I have told my friend several time that he has a gift, and that he is not using it properly, yet. I have hopes for him, but maybe I will be out if his life before I can help him develop his potential further. So it goes both ways. If he is willing to listen to me and understand how people perceive him and truly react to him behind his back, then he can learn from me.

      I realize I have always been useful to him. Partially thanks to him, I am now in a position where I can be even more useful. He may be resenting it a tad, I am not sure, and he may hoping for my demise, who knows. But this lack of knowledge, this lack of trust keeps me on my toes for my own sake. Is it healthy? I have no idea. But I am used to it, and I use it as a source of energy. Am I making sense to anybody? Sceli? Dr sci-fi? Anybody else?

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    2. "To this day, I cannot tell whether it was on purpose that my sociofriend helped me, or if it was my reaction to his less than kosher methods of coaching that wakened strengths in me that I did not know I had. I am very conscious of the fact that it could have gone either way. I could have let it crush me."

      OldAndWise,

      It shows that you don't understand some things. However, if people from all walks of life try to help you, it is quite evident that they are not evil.

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    3. OldAnd Wise,
      I completely understand where you are coming from. You probably don't recall, you were the only person who responded to me when I first came to this website a few months ago. Thank you for that. :)
      BTW, I wrote this blog, I'm Former Plaything.

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    4. Better yet, or simply, why didn't you use Former Plaything as your name in this particular comment?

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    5. OldandWise was the only person I could relate to when I first started looking at this site. I rarely comment, I prefer to just read the posts and observe the interactions of the commenters.

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    6. Hi, O&W. Without specific actions (like he gives me red bull vodka versus he gives me wonderful drinks) it is very hard to make any interpretTion of the situation for me. You sound like you're justifying the relationship, which is fine. If I were you I'd only think about what else I could be doing that could be possibly better than spending the time around this person. At the end, it all boils down to time management. Portfolio management (assignment) problem where you are deciding how much time to allocate to people in your life and what you get out of that time. Hopefully with a long enough time period, meaning willingness to spend some setup time in creating new relationships (heck, maybe with an even better socio, like PB was saying, there is always someone who can do better for us, and you decide better in which direction: power/fun/love/connection?)

      My reason for bringing up specific actions is your sub/conscious may be generalizing them to sound better. Whereas if you just literally defined a specific action an outsider can give you potential interpretations that may trigger certain emotions in you and those would be huge cues whether it's all worth it or not.

      I suffered around a relatively sociopathic boss once, and looking back what I thought was a successful struggle would have been time better spent elsewhere. No regrets, you live and learn, I just wish I had a mentor who could've pointed out some stuff (actually, a higher achieving socio would've been the best to point out what more I should've expected out of the situation). Maybe the best strategy is to skip socios towards the top, lol...

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    7. Hi Former plaything, yes I remember. It is nice to see people turning a potentially damaging situation to their advantage, and even enjoying the experience along the way to a certain extent. I believe you are one of those people. It is much healthier in my mind than looking for other people to acknowledge you as a victim and staying bitter and cranky about it.

      This am, I got lost in a city I do not know, with a stick shift car I do not know well, with traffic and one way streets everywhere. I know for a fact that a few years back, I most likely would have been distressed about this and even perhaps panicked. Not so anymore. I am able to rationalize my fears, my angst, and most of my negative feelings much faster than I ever have been, and this helps me on a day to day basis, as it helped me this morning. I was able to stay clear minded and find my way back. I know I owe this to a great extent to the years I have been in contact with my sociofriend. As puppy basket elegantly put it earlier, he helped me curb my more self destructive tendencies. It was a lot of work, like a "brain marathon" but it is well worth it. I am convinced that a life coach or a psychologist would not have been able to come even close to teaching me the life skills my sociofriend helped me develop and would have been much more expensive and less fun.

      I'd love to hear more from you. You are indeed very quiet on this blog. I don't participate as much as I used to myself, but just like you I read it pretty regularly. Hugs.

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    8. Hi sceli, you are making a lot of sense. I am indeed constantly reevaluating my relationship with my sociofriend and analyzing rationally what I get from it. I know I can't trust him to be loyal to me in the long run. He will only be loyal to me for as long as I can provide value to him. And I am ok with it. But this means that whatever I get out of the relationship has to be now. I cannot invest more in the relationship than what I get from it, I have made this my rule quite a while back, though part of me feels guilt because it is unusual to treat a friend that way. But it is what works for me in this particular case and how I protect myself.

      I mentioned I am useful to him. He is still extremely useful to me as well, and helps me above and beyond pretty much whenever I ask for something. He makes me feel like a queen. And he is a lot of fun.

      I love the way you analyze things and how matter of fact you are about life. I don't think I could be as cold as what your advice suggest, but it is good to face the facts, just the facts, once in a while. Thank you. I will keep what you said in mind.

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    9. Ss, you sound so condescending. I truly wonder why you are wasting your precious time on this blog. Also, I realize paranoid personalities should not be confronted. But have you thought you might be one in the clinical sense of the term? You might benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. I am truly only trying to help. If you find that you cannot keep relationships, and antagonize friends, neighbour's, family, etc., please take a look at this possibility.
      I will not respond to any of your posts anymore if they are inflammatory in the slightest. Again, only trying to help. And no, I am not Dr ginger.

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    10. Don't confront the paranoid person. The government is watching.

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    11. OldAndWise,

      I am not condescending. I am confident.
      I am not clinically paranoid. You are trying VERY hard to upset me with it.
      Everything else that you wrote makes no sense to me, since it is not true.

      Honestly, take care of yourself.

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    12. u are a moron.

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  6. The person in question is not a sociopath, M.E. He is schizophrenic, showing lots of disorganized thinking and expression/writing, which is more characteristic of a schizophrenic mind. All of these false ideas about himself and about others being sociopaths in his "social circle" (as he wrote above as Puppy Basket) are just fabrications/delusions in his head. Due to the nature of his mental disorder and what appears like a fixed idea, he seems to falsely believe everyone that he comes in contact with, or gets to know, is a sociopath. People try to help him, but he can become very disrespectful, mentally disorganized and confused in certain situations. The only thing that would help this person at this point is professional, psychiatric intervention and medications.

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    1. Wow you are a complete paranoid moron. Hmm paranoia, a sign of schizophrenia. Projection much? We are boardgamers btw. There is a much higher incidence of socio's in this community. I am not Dr. Ginger and I seriously doubt most of the people you "think" are Dr. Ginger are in fact just your self delusion. You are an obsessed schizophrenic. Go hang out on a board that deals with that no a sociopath forum.

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    2. Just so you know all the socios in our group are actually self identified so there is no projection going on. We just found each other through gaming hookups and mutual friends and find that it is really lovely hanging out with people we don't have to wear the mask for.

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    3. Ridiculous. It is obvious that you are the same person as Dr. Ginger and other names, which is most likely apparent to other commentators, too. It is so OBVIOUS that you look both shameless and delusional in denying it. You might not even be aware of what you are saying or doing (I give you that), which is also evident in your writing and in your disorganized, thoughtless and irrational assumption that I might be paranoid or schizophrenic. You always do or repeat the same old thing or pattern without changing anything, expecting a different result, but it doesn't happen (the theory of insanity). Unfortunately, you don't realize that important detail. That should be a strong indication that something is "off." However, arguing with a schizophrenic makes no sense, and I am just going to end it here.

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    4. Welcome back PB - I use the name "Smartie" for this one...

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  7. Scorpio the zodiac sign may be the only other human "type" psychopaths really should fear. Why? Because scorps are "animalistic", they are not open to the many "empath manipulations" the psychopath uses to get his way. Its like trying to sweet-talk/cry to/threaten "wildlife": the receiver just sees this as meaningless human chatter. Scorps, like the psycho, only want the "essential" in every situation: food, money, power, gold, sex etc. Everything else matters little. And it cares not what others think or say, so "spreading rumours" also is a waste of time. Its a patient little bugger. Heard a story about some "small jungle cat" the natives feared far more than any tiger or lion: when it started to stalk something it never gave up, it lay dormant for long periods and waited, crawled a little closer, waited for the prey to get sleepy & then pounced, It could go on for weeks. This made me think of Scorpio.

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    1. Any scorpios to agree or counter this view?

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  8. I saw an article about being in a relationship with a "dark triad woman" the other day here:

    http://illimitablemen.com/2014/02/17/lucifers-daughter/


    "If you meet a Lucifer’s daughter and aren’t a dark triad personality yourself (so that’s 99% of you reading this), run and don’t turn back."

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  9. The dating part - that's tricky for me. I have always preferred partners that were independent and interested in the same things I am. I don't do well having highly nervous or empathic types as partners - their emotional lives become...burdensome for the lack of a better term.

    As far as friends go, I don't so much push anyone to achieve their potential. However, I am known for reflecting peoples...desires?...wishes?...back to them and asking plainly, "so why don't you?" Sometimes I'll even give them some ideas or pointers.

    There is something I enjoy about watching someone go from a position of no power to a position of power. It's not for me to push, but if they are asking and willing, I think it's...nice?...fun? seeing them achieve the goal. I get a similar "charge" from helping my kids -

    Where things run afoul is when they see me as some sort of source or latch on or whatever (kids not withstanding - that's a whole different relationship). That can be a risk.

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  10. If pushing their partner made the relationship more exciting or better in some other way for a sociopath, I could easily see them doing it.

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  11. Daghters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 1:17 PM

    "For instance, is it true that sociopaths tend to push their partners to achieve their potential? I could see that happening perhaps with a high functioning sociopath that sort of takes the partner under his or her wing and teaches him or her to be more risk seeking, brave, confident, etc. "

    Definitely!!!


    good to see you back, PB, superchick. im changing names.

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  12. I love pushing people toward "the edge" and guiding them safely along, the closer they are to me the more I like to do so. Tho I tend to push them down the abyss if they resist all my methods. (Happens rarely tho)

    On a different subject, has anyone tips on how to deal with insomnia? I haven't slept much more than 3 hours per night for quite some time and it starts to get really annoying.
    I thought I resolved this problem last year... didn't thought it'd happen again, not with a stable daily routine and enough stuff to do during daytime. Every advice would be appreciated.

    @SS, finally a new trick. I love this kind of paranoia. Tho I wonder, what would you do if you had convinced me your lies were true and I'd actually start believing I'm Dr.G and all the others? Would you feel pity? Would you feel shame and regret? Or would you walk off in pride and mix the cards anew? I bet you wouldn't care - but why playing if you don't care about your game then?

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    1. Hi, NM. I don't have much to help you in this question but I have a lot of questions in my mind wrt insomnia. I fall asleep very quickly and only twice in my life that wasn't the case and in both of these times it was because I could not stop thinking about some stuff. In one of these the stuff was a problem that was disturbing so it kind of made sense that it was an exceptional situation but the other times there wasn't anything out of the ordinary in my life. In both of these cases it basically cost me a lot of tossing and turning till the morning and I chose to deny that it was happening to me and carried out as always. Both lasted about 3-4 days and they were gone.

      So, my question to you is, can you explain why it's happening in your case? Is it your thoughts, is it biological, is it true in general, could it have to do when you're not tired enough (like the school is out), I don't know. Any thoughts?

      Also, how long it lasts, is there any reason you can tell when it stops... Well, a bit much to ask but I really am very curious about insomnia. And, based on my little experience and the stories of celebrities who suffered from it to the point of death, I wish it upon no one.

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    2. Hi Sceli,
      I kind of have two different sleeping patterns, one under stable daily routine like school, work, university: I fall asleep rather quickly, within half an hour between 8 and 10 o clock and sleep through till 6 or 8 o'clock in the morning.

      The other pattern, which I experience in total anarchy like holidays usually consists of two sub-patterns switching about every 2 weeks or so from 3 - 4 1/2 hours sleep (mostly somewhere between midnight and 6 o'clock in the morning.) and significantly more than 10 hours sleep usually from 9 o'clock pm to 11 or 12 o'clock am. Those sub-patterns have in common that I struggle to fall asleep, looking at the clock would worsen this (I tried various times and always ended up totally sleepless).

      Unwanted thoughts bothering me usually increase the struggle to fall asleep, for following 3 - 4 days. I learned to cope with that though, so it doesn't interfere with my normal life.

      Insomnia is totally different, it feels different, reduces my sleeping time to 30min-3hours somewhere between 4am and 7 or 8 am and sticks around often only 3 days in a row then vanishes for at least a week - normally. The problem I have right now occurres rather rarely, less sleep for longer period of time. Last time it lasted for, if I recall right, 3 weeks, the previous, let's call it episode, lasted for a good month and ended it by taking sleeping pills. (my doc needed a lot of effort to talk me into that... I'm no fan of medication)

      The last time I solved the problem with "meditating" (not sure if it is called like this, I just stop each and every thought until my mind goes blank and keep that state upright for as long as possible, mostly an hour or two), did it whenever I felt the insomnia creeping in the shadows again - after about 4 days my normal pattern set back in and everything went extraordinarily fine. Thought it'll never be a problem anymore, but this time it doesn't work.

      Yesterday I fell asleep during daytime, in bright sunlight. That's not only extremely strange for me since I need total darkness to fall asleep, moreover it wasn't "normal" sleep. It was a black-out, that kind that erases time and has no beginning or end in my memory. Creeps me out each time, haven't had something alike in the past 3 years - those black-outs I had were actually originally induced by sedatives they used to give me in psychiatry. My (last) therapist, later on, told me I'm incompatible to those sedatives and shouldn't have received any more upon telling them about the black-outs and the paranoid fits. Shrinks didn't care.

      I don't recall if there was any insomnia before my time in psychiatry and upon dissecting my sleeping habits some years ago I came to the conclusion it must have been because of them. I mean, they gave me medication which wasn't even properly tested without informing my parents or answering truthfully my concerns about possible side effects. "There are no side-effects", they said, "you needn't worry", they said, and twelve year old me believed the gods in white without thinking twice. 13 year old me "ran" away, tho "walk" would describe it better. Running would have been suspicious. Sorry 'bout the rant, that just had to be.

      Stress could be a factor tho. I seem to be the opposite of stress-resistant.

      You can ask all and as much questions you like, I really enjoy talking to you and can't sleep anyways.

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    3. Hi NM,

      As a life long insomniac, I can offer a couple of comments:

      1) The difference in routines is sometimes referred to as "sleep hygiene." People like myself do best when we have a set routine - not just time, but also activities (e.g. brushing teeth, reading, warm coco, whatever). Maintaining this routine (which can be changed - just not quickly and often) is helpful. When I can't fall asleep within ~30min, I get up, rattle around for a short while and re-do my routine. That helps much of the time. (that's why I post at some odd hours - )

      2) What you describe sounds to me like a form of meditation - I do the same thing when the insomnia is bad. If you find something better (other than drugs), let me know -

      3) It sounds like this started around puberty - that's when it started for me (in earnest - I was always resistant to falling asleep - as is my son). I would start reading up on some of the current thinking on the topic - you might be dealing with this for some time (I don't wish it, but it sounds like it...).

      4) Don't even get me started on docs writing scripts indiscriminately - I do all my own research now. Most of them are just lazy - but that's bad enough...

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    4. Ouch, NM. That sounds tough. HLH sounds like he has it under control and is not complaining, so I'd say definitely ask him further questions.

      I'm not a big fan of medicating myself easily. But, three days ina row of 3-4 hours only sleep at your age is a tough thing, and in that case I wouldn't hav eminded taking some over the counter medication at your normal hour, say 9:30 pm, for a few days just to get back to the routine.

      You're saying it doesn't happen when you are on a stable period, like when the school is on, because you're spending your energies in a normal fashion and you're sleeping just fine. Then, maybe in your case you should plan for what you need to do during vacation ahead of time and fill up your days with stuff that you like doing (and possibly making money by doing that, too) and tiring yourself out. Boredom is the toughest thing, if you spend a day with boredom only and passive it's indeed hard to fall asleep since you're so young and full of energy. Plan what you'll be doing ahead of time, otherwise you just get caught in the situation. Over the holidays a lot of companies hire part-time people, don't do it for money, do it for your sound sleep, I'm serious. Don't let this create a pattern.

      Also, that whole negative thinking about the previous wrong medication situation. Damn, just to think of that would make me lose sleep. That thought has to leave you asap. That thought creates a huge vicious cycle.

      And, last, but not the least (and religious folks forgive me for saying this) if all else fails keep masturbating, till you fall asleep.

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    5. "if all else fails keep masturbating" LOL!!!

      Actually, rubbing one out is helpful. It's just funny to hear - what can I say, my inner teenager is alive and well and snickering... 8)~

      I'll also mention that we have few easily visible clocks in our house (yet another thing Ma has to put up with - and I'm lucky she does...). I do this to help avoid thinking about how late it is and how little sleep I am getting. That only compounds the anxiety of not getting enough sleep. If I can't see the clock, I'm less likely to know exactly how much or how little sleep I am getting -

      Finally, depending on your viewpoint, melatonin can be a helpful tool. It is the hormone that your pituitary gland (I think...it's been a while...) secretes to put you to sleep. I find that the best use of it is when I can take it no more than once a week (I used to take it on Sunday night) to help reset my internal clock. I don't know if it's available in your country -

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    6. Sceli, you shouldn't worry about me. I can't handle compassion, it gives me an unsettling feeling as if I'm the only one who didn't see the disastrous tragedy happening right in front of my eyes... you know that saying, what doesn't kill me... (dies horribly, to quote a meme I found) ...makes me only stronger.
      My thoughts on the 3-days-in-a-row thing is rather like, wow only 3 days? xD

      Sleeping pills knock me out in a way that doesn't feel quite right and make me act like a total asshole the day after, so they are last resort.

      'Bout the work, that's a bad idea for me. Had a nervous breakdown last time I (really) tried. I'm horrible at keeping appointments, dislike interacting with strangers if I'm told to do so - or by that matter following commands from someone who didn't prove to know better, and it's cold outside (better than hot, but still...). I rather try to find something else, I'm in need of new hobbies anyways. But for now I've got my puppy. Didn't help with the insomnia, but I know it'll help stabilizing the holiday sleeping habits of mine. Insomnia likes to happen whenever it wants to, just less likely if I've got something to do.

      And now you gotta explain to me what everyone has with that negative thinking you see in me - I'm not negative, why does everyone try to convince me of it? (Seriously, even my last one-nightstand told me I'm negative)

      Your last comment earns a gold-medal! xD



      Harry, thanks for your comments.
      ad1) that's something my former therapist told me too. Didn't change much.
      ad2) Ever tried cutting a a stack of paper into tiny snippets, one by one? Helps me sometimes, but makes a huge mess.
      ad3) I used to sleep a lot when I younger.... I'm pretty sure they messed up my brain chemistry with neuroleptics, anti-depressants, sedatives, antipsychotics to name just a few, and that insomnia is, just like the reoccurring black-outs were, just some kind of remaining damage or so from all the stuff they gave me. I should probably add, within a few months. Parts of my memory is literally erased out, which means something. (I got partly functioning eidetic memory, no chronical memory tho and can't re-read numbers/letters one by one - but whatever happened in my life I can recall in pictures or at least partial pictures, but most of that time is nothing but white void.)
      ad4) I'll try not to ;p

      I have rarely problems with the idea of getting not enough sleep, only exception is shortly before exams. Non of my clocks is easily visible/readable anyways, plus I can't read analog clocks so that'd be no problem too.

      The melatonin sounds worth looking into. It's production is dependent on the absence of light, which is why I can't sleep if it's not total darkness surrounding me. I didn't know it can be bought, but I've got little hopes, everything labeled "hormone" is handled like toxic waste over here or is priced unreasonably high.


      I'll be off reading broodhollow comic now for the rest of the night. Have a nice day, everyone!
      http://broodhollow.chainsawsuit.com/chapters/

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    7. Wow, nm. What country are you in? Why did they drug you like this at such a young age?
      The melatonin production is inhibited by phone screens and computer screens as well.
      I have several friends and family members that have taken it some for long periods of time and it looks very safe. One of my teenage sons occasionally takes it as well.
      Good luck with you insomnia. I know from experience that it is no fun and I am jealous of those who can sleep anytime, anywhere. It is a skill.

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    8. Hi O&W,
      I'm from Austria. There are probably a number of reasons, seemed to be rather a huge misunderstanding tho. In the beginning I told the shrinks only the truth, I didn't like to lie to authorities of all sorts (too paranoid they find might find out and I spoil all later chances of getting out of trouble).
      However they didn't seem to want to hear the truth, so I tried to figure out what they wanted to hear or at least I tried to change the monotonous routine. I guess they either really just didn't believe a teenager can be capable of telling the truth, or the truth was so absurd they couldn't believe it. (taking into account I lately found out I'm a socio the latter turns out to be likelier than I thought. They kept assuming all kinds of emotions that just weren't there, couldn't believe me I never cry out of sadness and finally tried to convince me my parents abused me and I had PTSD, total bullshit.)

      Bad luck it was that out of everything I came up with they reacted most to all kinds of made up stories about hallucinations (if I recall correctly they liked the story involving an 'entity' or 'spirit' which told me weird stories about how the world works most, that particular story got actually quite complex over time.) plus I wasn't aware someone could actually believe that.

      I have always tended to test out all limits on my own, to see how far I could really go, which of course made them think I'm uncontrollable. A simple "no, that's really a bad idea if you this because..." would have been enough to stop me, in the beginning at least before I lost all faith in them knowing what they do, but all my questions on reasoning was disregarded completely.

      They misdiagnosed me, said I had depressions - after I (successfully) ran away they added psychotic symptoms to the diagnosis (not sure if they really believed that or just wanted to prevent my parent from getting me outta there).
      They had my IQ tested too and I remember they made a big fuss about me being so overly intelligent. (130 points, which isn't even really much, but I was told by other shrinks the institution didn't have the resources to even test me.)
      They probably just wanted to use me as a test object of some sorts. The "primar" or what the directors are called, wanted to write a diploma about me, but I refused. If I ever find out she did it anyways I gonna sue the hell out of her. Conceited sadistic fuck she was. Tried to "cure" me with an "intensive therapy" meaning 5 days a week each half an hour one and the same question over and over again. (2 of my later shrinks told me that was pure torture and should not have been applied to any human being, let alone a kid) Several other procedures weren't exactly legal either.

      Phone screens, of course. Even those small LEDs indicating a stand-by-mode are enough to keep me awake.
      Melatonin seems to be only available with prescription, but L-Tryptophan (which metabolizes to melatonin) seems to be available. Now I just need to find out if my local pharmacy sells it and how much it actually costs.
      Thank you for wishing me luck.
      I actually managed to get a whole of 5 hours sleep today, so maybe, if it keeps going this way, everything will be alright in a week. So far for the pipe dream...

      Delete
    9. NM, I find that a neuroleptic (lyrica) helps me to sleep if I am having difficulties. It isn't a benzo or a sleeping pill and has minimal side effects usually. It's also not addictive. I take it at night occasionally and it puts me to sleep in an hour or two, so take it early if you want to try.

      Delete
    10. Doc, you're killing me, I just can't stop laughing. Lyrica, that's a antiepileptica, not a neuroleptica - good friend of mine takes it against seizures, now I constantly imagine hewr reaction if I'd tell her she's taking a neuroleptica.

      Had to look it up 'cos all neuroleptica I know first hand had major side effects and they tend to go heavy on ya if ya don't have actual psychosis, plus they do the opposite of physical-wise... almost thought I got everything wrong for years and wasted energy on insults only due to a misapprehension - that makes it at least a dozen times funnier - thank you for this!


      Anyways, thank you for telling me this, I could ask her to give me some of those pills. Didn't came to my mind earlier.

      Delete
    11. wikipedia lists lyrica as a "Non-benzodiazepine anxiolytic". Other places as a neuroleptic, like this one: http://www.painprevent.com/powercms/Treatment-Medications-Neuroleptics.php

      so you can laugh all you want.

      call it whatever. don't take it at the dosage to prevent seizures -- that's way too high. Side effects go up with dosage too. I take 150 mg at night sometimes. The dosage to control seizures is around 600mg.

      Could be that 50mg is enough for lights out.

      Delete
    12. Your story sounds like a basis for a movie script. I can't believe something like this is happening in 21st century Austria. Who suggested you see a psychiatrist to start with, and why? Is it because you reported you thought you were different from your friends and classmates? Was it because of behavioral difficulties?
      I hope you had another pretty good night sleep. I am in europe right now as well, visiting one of my kids, to whom i brought melatonin at his request, interestingly enough. First day back ay school today, right? Have a good one.

      Delete
    13. Doc, just in case you got me wrong: I didn't mean to offend you. I laughed at me assuming - even only for a few seconds - you want to poison me. That's hilarious.
      My first encounter with neuroleptica was a waking nightmare, a single pill lightheartedly given to me after half an hour talk to "slow me down". And it did. To an unbearable degree. (Since then I kinda freak out if I lose control over my thoughts or actions, which is one reason I dislike taking medication that likely alters my perceptions.)

      Thank you for the tip, I gonna try with 50mg tonight.


      O&W, I met quite some people with even more movie-like biographies. Who doesn't fit the system gets sorted out - even among us "crazy" folks. Your not alone with your disbelieve tho, quite some psychiatrists didn't want to believe me in the first place either. (not until they saw I didn't care anyway if they believe me or not. still find it funny that this is what makes the difference.)

      First time I met psych was 'cos I demanded to see one. I was 9 or somethin', and felt absolutely normal except for some overall feeling like something is "off", but couldn't pin-point it at that time.
      I thought psychs' are like any other doctor, you visit them when you think something might be wrong, they take a look, tell you what's wrong if something's indeed wwrong and give you meds to cure you, and that's it.
      I guess it's easy to tell how surprised I was to find they just asked silly questions and didn't had a plan what was wrong with me, let alone understand what was "off". (not that I knew it myself tho.)
      That first encounter included a nightmarish week in which I could barely think a single thought no matter how hard I tried, induced by a neuroleptica. I have no clue whether it is commonplace in Austria to drug little children without actual indication, but I know most kinds of medication can be acquired very easily through good-willed doctors & vets (not officially of course) - guess it's the same with psychiatrists.

      I'm still a patriot (of some sorts XD ). My wicked country needs to be praised, right?

      Real horrorshow events started in psychiatry tho, and I wasn't suggested to go there but was brought there. Without questions, or explanations. Reason for that might be a combination of situations & misconceptions - I used to creep out classmates and teachers on purpose, didn't really had friends (and no interest in getting some since I didn't see why I should have to), was obsessed with finding and testing limits and attempted suicide. (Not that kind of suicide tho. A silly mindgame that kinda slipped my control; I tried to dissociate reality & perception which worked better than was healthy. Wrote it down here if you're interested: [link]) There was this one teacher, who hated me (back then I didn't realize, just thought they acted differently in a strange but interesting way) and who happened to be the one to find me.
      The district medical officer didn't know me, didn't see or talk to me and didn't waste much time to institutionalized me. Just bad luck I suppose.

      Unfortunately didn't have much sleep, roughly 2 and a half hours. I guess sleeping problems are somewhat often seen in first-world-countries? Odd coincidence tho.
      May I ask what country? France?

      Nah, no school for me. University starts on Wednesday, but thanks c:

      Delete
    14. DoctorSciFi,

      Your are right. Nihilistic Mind doesn't "comprehend" things, and sounds unaware (i.e., scattered thinking). Needless to say, there was nothing funny about your comment.

      Delete
    15. Hi SS, nice to see your screen name again. How's life going for you?

      Delete
    16. My life is fine, NM. It's a new year, a time for working harder toward achieving all of my goals (i.e., one of them is more than a goal, more on the level of a dream). After all, there is much to be learned from life and from being/feeling alive.

      Delete
    17. "...good friend of mine takes it against seizures, now I constantly imagine hewr reaction if I'd tell her she's taking a neuroleptica.

      Had to look it up 'cos all neuroleptica I know first hand had major side effects and they tend to go heavy on ya if ya don't have actual psychosis, plus they do the opposite of physical-wise... almost thought I got everything wrong for years and wasted energy on insults only due to a misapprehension - that makes it at least a dozen times funnier - thank you for this!

      Anyways, thank you for telling me this, I could ask her to give me some of those pills. Didn't came to my mind earlier."

      NM, I doubt that you have a female friend who takes Lyrica (neuroleptic) as an anti-epileptic drug to control seizures. It does sound like made-up information.

      Delete
    18. A lot of it sounds like made-up information on Nihilistic Mind's part, and like DoctorSciFi said, I think it is done to inflame others - to get a personal rise out of it. He was told that some things are done demonstratively for a short period of time, and yet, NM still uses the letters "ya," which he took further and used on his blog (the link he included contains these two letters). It is done to annoy others - to keep things in a state of self-perceived "anarchy."

      NM, no one believes this, and you have no credibility. This is just one variation of the many other variations you have told in the past (using others names, too). Also, laughing at people who take medications, and making things up about others will just come back to you - and certainly not in a good way.

      Delete
    19. SS, good to hear. I agree, life's the best teacher I've had so far.
      Want to tell us your dream? I'd be interested to listen.

      Delete
    20. NM, feeling alive is what life should be all about as we experience it throughout the years. My goal/dream has to do with that, with living life to the fullest, meaning not just sporadic moments, but continuously making it so.

      Delete
    21. Sounds exciting, SS. How do you want to go about it? I thought about doing much more with my life for quite some time, but frankly it's unrealistic for me - I need occasional boredom to stay sane and on the ground. Have you not got such a problem?

      Delete
    22. NM, doing much more with your life is a good idea. It is not unrealistic for me, since I firmly believe in what I am doing as I work on something that I need or want. Personally, I think that if you would truly believe in something that you do or create (i.e., we are the authors of our own lives), it would happen, and all doubt would disappear, looking like a distant obstacle. Do you see yourself doing so, meaning in a realistic way?

      Lately, since I have been working on achieving my goals/dream, I have not experienced boredom. I find that intriguing creativity and feeling alive makes boredom dissipate quite rapidly.

      Delete
    23. Believing in what I do is exactly my problem, SS. Whenever I get started on something that feels important to me, everything else becomes nil. I love these times, how it feels, how well I do - but upon dissecting my past I discover more often than not that I could not only have done better if I would have been more skeptical, more doubtful, toward myself, but also discover how I wreaked havoc over people without knowing. I'm lately worried about ruining that bit of certain future I have if I stop watching out for what I do. Have you ever been afraid of ending up absolutely without prospects?

      Not experiencing boredom does sound tempting, but I still have to decide whether I revive past habits or not. I will want to wait until I'm in a better psychological shape though.

      Delete
    24. NM, You need to constantly believe in what you do. That is how you achieve something that matters a lot to you, or something that is altogether great. I do so now, and I feel that I can realistically accomplish what I imagine creatively. If you give up, without following the road that you see ahead of yourself in any endeavor, everything will seem to become nil, just as you have said. It is more than a feeling, since it needs your application, and staying with it until completion. I have done this, too, in my life, meaning that I have begun some things that I have yet to finish, or things that I have just set aside for some time, but now, I am going forward, aiming for my goal/dream.

      "...but upon dissecting my past I discover more often than not that I could not only have done better if I would have been more skeptical, more doubtful, toward myself, but also discover how I wreaked havoc over people without knowing. I'm lately worried about ruining that bit of certain future I have if I stop watching out for what I do. Have you ever been afraid of ending up absolutely without prospects?"

      I see, and what would save all of that for you is cherishing what you have to the point where you can no longer ruin it. It would have magnificent worth in your mind and inner self, in that you would cherish it to that rare point of not feeling as though you can destroy or ruin it. In this creation, you would cherish all of the pieces, tightly holding onto them, the result being one, worthy whole to have and to develop throughout the years. This is how ending up without prospects can be avoided. There is only one, the one that matters the most, and that you have put everything that you are and have into, adding to it and keeping it alive along the way.

      I understand what you mean by reviving past habits and being in a better psychological shape to do so. I can truly relate to feeling that way, but, as I said, believing in yourself and cherishing what you have is a solution to making things work/happen. It means being faithful and devoted to what you do, and sincerely showing yourself that it means the world to you. I believe that you would reach a point where you would care so much, and you would assign so much worth to it, that you would not be able to destroy/ruin it in any way. You have believed in it, you have put yourself into it, as well as everything that you have. How could you possibly ruin it at that point in time? This is how I am, and I firmly believe in what I just described.

      Delete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. God damn slow wi-fi doubled my post... I need to buy better internet....

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    2. God damn slow wi-fi doubled my post... I need to buy better internet....

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  14. Hi, HLH. You said something two days ago (I've been busy otherwise) that makes me want to think about further and with your help.

    I said I need to talk to a sex therapist you said I might have intimcay issues. Yeah, the reason I have intimacy issues is because I don't want to go to bed with these people. I'd turn into a femme-fatale getting intimate and then not going to bed as most normal people expect that as a normal extension of intimacy. How were you defining intimacy and what issues were in your mind when you said that?

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  15. Hello, again, HLH. I just read the comments from Jan 2, wrt misogyny and the term cougar. Sorry wasn't around to get in the middle of all of that.

    A lot of guys think of term 'cougar' or 'milf' as something nice to say. And, I'm pretty sure a lot of women may take it as compliment, too. So, it's hard to relate the term to the concept of misogyny in my mind.

    I'm open to the idea of love without age isuues, meaning there could be a case where an exceptionally wise/talented (something, gotta bring something to the table, so who knows) and much younger man could approach and I could feel the match (that I would NOT feel like a cougar) and go for it. The chances of this happening in my mind is pretty small. Similarly an exceptionally well-kep man in whatever age could get attention from me as well (money, smarts, what not is just not going to compensate for fat, fat offends me to not only see but also to touch, so turning the lights off won't help.

    The problem is as people get older it really is hard for normal people to keep the fat off. The majority of older folks who are obsessed to keep fat off are narcs, and don't challenge me on that anyone. Yes, there are normal people in normal shape but keeping good shape seems to be the thing of narcs and/or gay guys.

    And, I'm still not sure if it was Dr. Ginger who got offended from the use of the term cougar. And, if so, why so strongly?

    So, Dr. Ginger, will you say something on that one? I know you're in your mid-30s, at your age the term doesn't even apply. Cougar is really for women over 45. A woman in mid30s would have a blast with a much younger men, for one thing female sexual height of 35 matches perfectly with that of romantic and hormonal 20 something male. I'd say go for it, and enjoy every minute of it, because come 45 you'll realize you can't really stand listening to a 20 something guy, and 30 something guy already has started digging into 20 something gals.

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    1. Thanks Sceli -

      You posted the above as I was posting my last response - which sounds to me like I missed the boat. From what you say above, it's just more about finding someone that's fit and clean and presentable and not "in love with themselves."

      Tougher to get that - as you said, our metabolisms don't get kinder as we age. You are holding some high standards -

      I was half joking about the light switch - what I find attractive has a lot more to do with how I feel with them. I can find all shapes, sizes, and complexions attractive - it's the companionship and the understanding and the mutual respect that are really the important elements for me.

      Delete
    2. As to the whole "cougar" comment - yeah, Puppy Basket schooled me on that one. If it was Dr. Ginger, that's a drag - I really wasn't aiming to offend her. (The term "MILF" - even I see how that can be offensive).

      She's had some strong reactions to me in the past (I may have been equally clueless then - never did understand...), so it's not entirely unlikely in my mind that it was her.

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    3. Hmmm... Should I be mad at you for pissing her off?

      I'm kidding here, but making a point, too.

      Say, the three of us were siblings, where she is the beeper, you're the socio, and I'm the little bit of aspie. That's exactly how the game could've played. Meaning you piss her off for something that's not a big deal and me who is typically clueless about what's going on declares you evil, and all of a sudden 3 is a crowd. And, from there things get interesting in every which way one can imagine.

      I think the best thing to do with beepers is to give them time, because over time beepers are capable of realizing they got overly mad at something that was not a big deal. The worst is to try to show them yourself that it was not a big deal. Oh, boy, you know this already yourself, very well, no? I do too. I mean we both have some beeper in us too.

      Delete
    4. Like I said - I wasn't looking to piss anyone off.

      Yeah - I have big reactions as well, so I do understand. I also know that "splitting" can be a long road back - and that's a drag.

      All I can say is that I was looking for an honest laugh and in my ignorance, I seemed to have upset her. Didn't want that. Wish it wasn't that way. I wish her well -

      Delete
    5. "The worst is to try to show them yourself that it was not a big deal. "

      Sceli, I agree with you. My impression is that often with tempermental people it isn't the initial 'insult' but rather the follow through that matters. So someone might be upset about a remark, for instance, and say so. If the response they get is 'your exaggerating' or 'your crazy' or 'I have no idea what you are talking about' -- then that is when they are likely to get enraged, or paint the other person black, in my view. Their pov has been invalidated.

      It's hard to know how to deal with those kinds of situations without getting drawn into a situation where it is not easy to maintain one's own boundaries. I think some people have a natural talent for that, and others have a natural talent for inflaming those around them.

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    6. Dr g mentioned in the past that topics related to women's rights can really set her off... She knows it is a weakness of hers, or at least an attribute. She also mentioned recently that she felt addicted to this site. I think she might have wanted to take a break from it anyway, and found the right moment or the right trigger to do it. If she comes back, she might take part of the blame for this. My 2 cents. I hope she comes back as well. She has a wicked sense of humor!

      Delete
    7. DoctorSciFi,

      You are correct, and I understand what you're trying to convey. While some people do things in order to show something about the thoughts or actions of others (i.e., to have them learn something important in this process) as it has been shown on this blog on a few occasions, you are right in saying that others solely seek to inflame those around them, which, naturally, is completely wrong.

      "If the response they get is 'your exaggerating' or 'your crazy' or 'I have no idea what you are talking about'..."

      I am familiar with such words, I have seen them on more than a few occasions, and I definitely understand your point. When they are meant for me in some "off" ways, I try not to let them upset me, and, instead, find a way to show that it is wrong. Unfortunately, some people don't comprehend some essential things, even when they are clearly shown to them (i.e., in much detail). However, in the end, it is their loss. As it were, you really tried, and that in itself, counts for something.

      Delete
    8. "Dr g mentioned in the past that topics related to women's rights can really set her off..."

      It seems like a lot of things set Dr. Ginger off.

      Delete
  16. Hi Sceli,

    Sex is often, for most people, an intimate act - both physically and emotionally, so my first thought when people bring up issues around sex, is intimacy.

    From your post, it sounds like you want the emotional intimacy without the sex though. That's not necessarily a problem - I recall someone posting here as an asexual with a partner. Not everyone wants sex as part of their relationship - to me that's just another way to live that doesn't need "correcting" but rather, like everything else, it does require the right person (or people; I have poly-amorous friends as well).

    I don't know if that's helpful - I hope so. If I've got it wrong - please correct me and I'll take another shot at it.

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  17. Ideally what I want is to meet a sexually attractive man with whom I can first establish intimacy, and then bring sex into the picture. Second best to this is someone who is a great match in companionship but sexually not possible. I guess what I'm saying is I want in the least a fun companion. I think I'm bored alone, something very hard to accept for me because I find my own company quite entertaining,

    I'm a bit uneasy with the term emotional intimacy, it's as if it's too mushy or something. I want little less on the emotion side but more intellectual intimacy, a match of sense of adventure and stuff, a match of equals (+/- some mutually acceptable level of deviation in different attributes of importance).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I will give you the same advice I give everyone (to myself in my single days as well): do more stuff you like to do with people who also like to do the same stuff.

      Focus on the common interests and having a good time - friendship and intimacy often best start there.

      I recall you saying something about writing - attend readings; or better yet, read your stuff!

      If sporty types are for you - do more of it. Join a "team." Go events.

      Not finding who you want at one group - try another.

      Focusing on the common interests allows for the development of a relationship without having to get all wrapped around the axel about intimacy. You can gauge the person and the fit - maybe you get a friend. Maybe they have a friend...

      I've done "internet dating roulette" in the past (back in the day, I also did the singles adds...that was an adventure...). It can work (that's how I met Ma), but it really does get to feeling like "Psycos-R-Us" after not too long a while. With that you have to treat every first few dates as "something to do" and nothing more -

      Delete
    2. I agree with you and let me tell you what happened.

      Thinking great bodies are where people do sports, I participated in some sports activities, as in local/regional/national events, like running/biking/etc. And, luckily I got out before killing myself and with some great stories to tell but hands empty. None of those were team sports though, there is not a single team sport I'm good at.

      Have done some Internet stuff, and actually made friends that I still am in touch, but nope hands empty at the end.

      I think it was the easiest to choose while in college, blew that one off, ended up in an early divorce.

      Reading my stuff... I actually did that once.

      Hmmm... You're right, I need to basically step out there where people have similar interests. I may actually consider moving into a city city, as in NYC, London, Milan, you know what I mean. Or, Santa Fe, where all the interesting people are.

      Delete
    3. For a long time I had a similar regret about college - one of the reasons for grad school if I'm being honest. And then I hooked up with the "friendly ex" and I decided that a M.S. was good enough for what I wanted to do...as Danny Elfman said, "I fell in love and suffered." ;p

      I haven't divorced...yet (marriage is a hell of a lot of work...), but if I do, I will go about things quite differently (I hope...at my age, I wonder how "different" I really would be...).

      Uprooting is a big change - not like I'm innocent of that sort of behavior. But I would say that you should move someplace you want to live for the place - not because you think the hunting will be any better. It won't be - just a different bunch and new territory to negotiate.

      Delete
    4. HLH,

      I'll sound weird, but seriously, don't get divorce unless your wife really cannot live without divorce or you already know who you'll be marrying next.

      Hmmm... I guess what I'm saying is land the next wife before getting divorce. I cannot believe I'm saying this because I used to be the one who'd say 'a relationship is acceptable or not, and once you quit you don't jump into another relationship.'

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. I now know human nature better, freeing my thought processes from these idealistic statements I used to make.

      THE TOUGHEST thing in life is to find someone you're comfortable living with, especially after 50. When you look at successful marriages that happened in later ages you'll realize majority of them (seriously, look around) happened by choosing the person first and dumping the barrier next.

      This sort of arrangement is also better for children. Instead of blaming themselves they'd be more glad to think that daddy fell in love, that's why he left not because he rejected us. because when you just leave and live by yourself, that pretty much boils down to basic rejecton of the set up.

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    5. WOW!!! I did not see that one coming!!! 8D~

      Actually, the goal for us is either work it out or be at peace with each other before pulling the pin. The one thing that we both agree on without reservation is that we want it to be something that we both truly feel and believe is right for everyone. We've agreed to no unilateral separations.

      I'm actually of the mind that the last thing I need right now is another romantic relationship - the one I'm in is quite enough, thankyouverymuch...now, if she were to meet someone, I might could live with that as long as he's good to my kids...

      Delete
  18. #14 and #12 are my favorite.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aACz_YW_tcg

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    1. :)

      I could last to 12, out of my 'like' for you. Felt too young, had to stop, lol..

      Delete
  19. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 4:40 PM

    @NM

    Melatonin works great for insomnia,

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    1. Agreed - but I think he lives in Austria and I'm not sure if it's available over the counter (OTC) there.

      And, just because it's OTC in the USA (and presumably Canada), doesn't mean it's not a drug.

      Some alternatives are: L-Tryptophan and 5-Hydroxy-Tryptophan (5-HTP). An interesting note: L-Tryp, 5HTP, Serotonin, and Melatonin are all chemically similar. And, if I recall, the order above is roughly the metabolic path for making Melatonin.

      Given that serotonin (a Monoamine) is implicated in our shared "experience," I'm not surprised to see insomnia come up - I think I've asked about it a couple of times...

      Delete
    2. Cool! My new "avatar" works - it's the Cauchy Distribution. I think it's fitting...

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    3. DoA, thank you, Harry told me in an above comment. Everything that is loosely connected to hormones is more often than not almost not obtainable outside of medical studies here in Austria.

      Harry, cool avatar!
      L-Tryptophan sounds familiar to me in terms of medication, tho I think it was something 'bout something that got banned or so... D:

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    4. "Everything that is loosely connected to hormones is more often than not almost not obtainable outside of medical studies here in Austria."

      That's why I mentioned L-Trp and 5-HTP. You might have better luck with those. L-Trp is an amino acid, but Big Pharma made it difficult to get in the USA. 5-HTP is readily available in the USA as is Melatonin.

      Let me know what you find - I'm curious about how the EU treats those substances.

      Delete
    5. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 6:31 PM

      Hey thanks for all those suggestions HL. yes, cool avator. Any of you on facebook? I use that more, and its about time I see pics of some peeps on here. Its just superchick, changed name for the new year.;)

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    6. I don't have a FB page. Actually, I've never even gone there - how "backwards" is THAT?! I did happen across a picture I might be OK connecting to all of this - I'll have to find a way to "post" it.

      I like the Cauchy Distribution tho - so I'm not gonna do that...

      How about you? Pics in FB? I've been toying with creating a profile...

      Delete
    7. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 6:46 PM

      You should create one. Its a great way to connect and chat on messenger if you're into that. Nice to even hear a voice behind a name. So many neat features they added on.

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    8. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 6:49 PM

      heres my new year eve pic, yes im spanish/italian. ;0) not sure if it'll work.

      https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=771288919632746&set=a.103384876423157.5283.100002549349541&type=1&theater

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    9. There was a picture of a pretty brunette - 8)~

      You might even convince me to create "Harry's" profile...

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    10. Here ya go DoA -

      https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008820936354

      We'll see if that works -

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    11. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 7:37 PM

      it didn't work :( if you go public, ill add you. then change yr settings if you like.

      Delete
    12. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 7:39 PM

      ok it worked,

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    13. I just went through some sort of confirmation process - try now...

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    14. And that's what a California Suburban Redneck looks like. 8)~

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    15. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 8:11 PM

      now we gotta get doc on facebook, dr, ginger where art thou?

      Delete
    16. Sadly, I think I pissed her off something fierce - didn't mean to and had no intention of it. I hope she reconsiders -

      Delete
    17. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 8:23 PM

      im a redneck too, i live in a cave,

      Anyone else interested riding this crazy facebook train, would love ta see yr face. both harry and I would like it?

      Delete
    18. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 3, 2015 at 8:25 PM

      she'll be back, we piss off oneanother occationally, haha, but she's cool. we'd all miss her. :)

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    19. I hope so - I do enjoy what she has to say. And, she is a hell of a kick when she gets on a rant.

      Bums me out that I pissed her off by mistake.

      Delete
    20. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 4, 2015 at 6:57 AM

      Dont let it bum ya out, we all bpd, she'll be back. Whatever happened was not yr fault, its perceptions, personal views we hold on too, and beliefs that can piss people off at times. (What one might be going through themselves on that given day). And as outsiders one can't control that -- that's why we see books written like , "walking on eggshells from a non-bpd perspective." Outsiders (non-bpd's) have a hard time grasping it sometimes, but when bpd's are in that mode, they just need to come back and regulate to see some of the intensity given out. i ain't invalidating what ticked her off cause it might be a very real issue for her and her held beliefs - but she'll be around again. BPD's are excellent advocators for unjust stuff that they feel very strongly about it as a whole. Many positives to it. I'd want a bpd/sociopath probably to represent me in court if need be, lol. They see through bullshit good. And can fight a good fight.

      I hope you get my gist, my english is not the greatest.

      The first time I read "walking on eggshells I wanted to rip the authors face off. But my healing was not in vain - when i buckled down and really listened to the non-bpd perspective, healing was more accessible. But both sides need affirmation of what they both themselves are going through and experiencing. Both sides are just.

      And here I am ranting a little, got off topic.... haha.

      Delete
    21. :) I'm laughing s hard, because truth is always hilarious.

      DOA, you're so right. I also would want a far out bpd represent me at the court (and pray that the other side's lawyer is not a sociopath who can push the right buttons for the bod in a direction against my interests) knowing it's a risky underatking with a potential payoff.

      You wanna hear how I reduced my bpd sides? By getting competitive with sociopaths.

      I mean it, if these suckers (sorry socio friends) can handle negative input so well and so calm, why can't I do it? It's a great deal to be able to pull off a healthy bpd/socio combo, right?

      So, on this, stupid moment in life, I recommend 80% normal, 10% bpd, 10% socio behavior, and suggest that could well be the winning strategy if the timing of the percentages are right. Meaning, the percentages hold over a long time horizon not every day or week or month, not even year. Those 10%'s come out very wisely. Hmmm, this sounds like a new superhero character.

      C'mon, build on my story, give me some pointers as opposed to fighting me. Like I always say, it's all shits and giggles.

      Delete
    22. Thanks DoA - I'm not beating myself up over it, but I am happy for your perspective. We can be a handful to interact with - no doubt. I will have to take a look at that book - been meaning to for a while...

      @Sceli: I dunno - if I'm in court, I would much rather have a stone cold ASPD type over BPD. When I'm in "shutdown mode" I am much better at influencing and controlling outcomes. When I "get my BPD on," it's tunnel vision (and the scars to prove it as the song says) and a wake of destruction. I need to stay "cool" to do the sort of cold reading and to be able to pick and choose my arguments - when I'm "hot"...it's just a flame thrower...

      But, riffing on the character end of things, your superhero might rightly be able to draw on the BPD "energy" when needed. I've done this - an example if when I have to move my elderly father and I wasn't able to get much in the way of help - but I was a right scary bastard getting it done.

      I would love to use The Hulk as an example here, but I think "Mr. Furious" from Mystery Men might be a better example - somewhat comical, but you get the idea.

      Delete
    23. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 4, 2015 at 11:22 AM

      @Sceli, very coolios, we got another bpd onboard. I agree with those percentages!! That would be super-hero material indeed -- to have a combination like that. Very nice to meet you. :)

      @ HL, read it when the bpd flame throwers aren't burning at high intensity, you might wanna rip the author's face off like i did at one time. ;)

      Now the book doesn't bother me so much. Its a good read to get the other- sides perspective.

      Delete
    24. "The first time I read "walking on eggshells I wanted to rip the authors face off."

      Daughters of Anarchy,

      You sound like RA, Nihilistic Mind and Dr. Ginger. You should try to take better care of yourself.

      Delete
    25. HL:

      You look like one of those adorable pop-country singers!

      Made me lick my chops...

      N

      Delete
    26. Daughters of Anarchy,

      I repeat, the letters "ya" were used demonstratively for a very short period of time. There was nothing more to it. It makes no sense to repeat that, and to purposefully inflame others.

      Delete
    27. @N: LOL!!! Thank you! You made me smile! 8)~

      Delete
    28. HLHaller,

      I see your avatar. In the theory of light, Augustin-Louis Cauchy worked on Fresnel's wave theory. In case you are not familiar with him, Augustin-Jean Fresnel was a physicist who made remarkable discoveries in the fascinating world of wave optics. He studied the behavior of light both theoretically and experimentally.

      He is best known as the inventor of the Fresnel lens, first used in lighthouses (i.e., one of my favorite places to be in) while he was a French commissioner of lighthouses. His Fresnel equations on waves and reflectivity also form the basis for a handful of applications in computer graphics today, one of which is the rendering of water. He wrote a memoir on diffraction, for which he received the prize of the Académie des Sciences in Paris. He was the very first to construct a special type of lens (i.e., the Fresnel lens), as a substitute for mirrors in lighthouses. I find that creative, but, since I am perennially drawn to lighthouses, I must admit that the mirrors were interesting, too.

      Can you offer more thoughts about your avatar?

      Delete
    29. Hi Smartie,

      No problem - Cauchy was quite accomplished to be sure. The significance has more to do with the properties of the Cauchy probability distribution - there is no expected value and no calculable variance (standard deviation squared).

      In short - if you have data that is Cauchy distributed, predicting future behavior can be problematic.

      Delete
    30. HLHaller,

      What I like about the properties of the Cauchy probability distribution is that it is both symmetrical and heavy-tailed, which is a rather unusual term used to describe it (i.e., that is fine). In this construct, heavy-tailed means that a high proportion of the population is comprised of extreme values. In fact, this distribution is so heavy-tailed that its mean does not exist (i.e., fascinating, isn't it?)! I find that altogether interesting as a singular, progressive thought in my mind, which is an occurrence that I like.

      The application of the Cauchy distribution is functional when using datasets containing a few extreme values that would prevent what could potentially trigger some adverse reaction.

      I have a question for you, if you would like to answer it, that is. Might we consider this a feasible probability model if it were translated so that the median was positive? If not, then what reason could you give?

      Delete
    31. I didn't say it's not a feasible probability model - just a pain to work with. It has applications like you describe (e.g. economics). But that's not what I do - I use statistics as a tool for engineering/development.

      Practically speaking, it's tough enough to get a large group to get on board with simple statistics (i.e. normally distributed data). You start moving toward anything more exotic than the binomial distribution and they start needed a lot of hand holding.

      In the cases where I've bumped into it, it was the result of a ratio of two variables where the standard deviation was of similar magnitude to the mean. It is far easier to show people that the two variables are "fighting" each other and the easy solution is to just separate them and get on with things.

      It's the same reason I don't do Taguchi designs - you end up talking about the method rather than the result - it's a distraction.

      Delete
    32. I understand what you mean, since I can see how it can be rather difficult to work with and practice easily, especially with those who need hand holding as you said (i.e., I also don’t find hand holding desirable when working with such uncommon, detailed ideas). However, since you understand that this is a hard thing to work with, here is a more visual explanation. This visual explanation works for me, because I also look for working results as opposed to inefficient methods in this construct. So, take a Cauchy distributed random number generator and try averaging the resulting values. Here is a good page to view on a function for this http://math.stackexchange.com/questions/484395/how-to-generate-a-cauchy-random-variable. You will discover that the great height of the random values cause it to get larger, and more involving, as you go, instead of it becoming smaller. Hence, and rather simply, it has no mean, which is not something that people can easily understand.

      In thinking of what you've said, I can see how the Taguchi model can be a distraction. Taguchi knew statistical theory mainly from the followers of Ronald A. Fisher, who also avoided loss functions. Donald J. Wheeler depicted the region within specification limitations (i.e., I dislike limitations) as where we deny that losses exist. As we diverge from nominal, losses increase until the point where losses are too great to deny and the specification limit is drawn. All of these losses are, as W. Edwards Deming would describe them, unknown and unknowable, which is a rather abstract way to put it. However, getting back to Cauchy, nature-inspired algorithms of optimization work especially well when understood - fully and practically, too.

      Delete
    33. Actually, it was Don Wheeler that first explained Taguchi's loss function to me years ago - before I even began studying statistics. It's a useful concept: "until you know better, drive to center specification and minimize variation. Once you've driven variation to acceptably low levels, you can start retargeting your process to optimize for ROI."

      We are crummy at it here in the USA, but the Japanese have done some pretty impressive work stuff along those lines.

      It was also Wheeler who pointed out to me that there is little practical value in using more complex tools - where they become a distraction. He was right. If you need it, use it, but I rarely have needed to get very complex to achieve my goals.

      ...and I show off in other ways...

      Delete
    34. Achieving a simple accomplishment can prove to be a rather complex thing to do, but, and this is equally true, what might be or sound simple to one mind might simultaneously register as complex to another. At its very base, there is a certain rule, even when dealing with something original. Granted, a formula could be followed, but there will always be certain improvements along the way, maybe even leading to greater discoveries as one’s mind thinks outside the box. I believe that it all depends on the variables that are being used within this construct. What is important to me is having a constant that never fluctuates, and then building on creatively and liberally from that point.

      Through his designs, Taguchi tried to allow greater understanding of variation than did many of the traditional designs from the analysis of variance (i.e., he was following in Fisher’s footsteps at this point). In Fisher's designs of experiments and analysis of variance, the goal of the experiments is to minimize the influence of nuisance factors to allow comparisons of the mean treatment-effects. Consequently, variation becomes even more central in Taguchi's pattern of thinking.

      At one point, Taguchi planned to extend each experiment with an "outer array" (i.e., possibly an orthogonal array). In this manner, the "outer array" was to replicate the random environment in which the product would function. This was viewed as judgmental sampling. As a result, other statisticians (i.e., as followers) used "outer arrays.”

      Later “developments” in outer arrays resulted in "compounded noise." This is the process of combining a few noise factors to create two levels in the outer array: first, noise factors that drive output lower, and second, noise factors that drive output higher. "Compounded noise" merely replicates the extremes of noise variation (i.e., this is where limitations come into place, which I don’t like).

      It was W. Edwards Deming who maintained that the key is to practice continual improvement and think in terms of an entire system, not as bits and pieces.

      "The prevailing style of management must undergo transformation. A system cannot understand itself. The transformation requires a view from the outside. The aim is to provide an outside view - a lens - that is called a system of profound knowledge. It provides a map of theory by which to understand an organization.

      The first step is transformation of the individual. This transformation comes from understanding of the system of profound knowledge. The individual, transformed, will perceive new meaning to his life, to events, to numbers, to interactions between people.

      Once the individual understands the system of profound knowledge, he will apply its principles in every kind of relationship with other people. He will have a basis for judgment of his or her own decisions.”

      This is similar to "driving to center specification and minimizing variation. However, once you understand the system and/or base of originality, or “once you've driven variation to acceptably low levels,” you can start building and/or rebuilding from there, or “you can start retargeting your process to optimize for ROI."

      Delete
    35. Smartie,

      I gotta hand it to you - you've managed to make even this subject boring to me...

      That's a gift -

      Delete
    36. Daughters of AnarchyJanuary 5, 2015 at 4:21 PM

      @ Stay smart and Anon 6:42..... is my doc back?

      Listen, english is not my first tongue, projection much.

      Glad ta see ya back doc. We've misses ya ...even in alter mode. Mhas. X

      Delete
    37. HLHaller,

      Did you understand it?

      Delete
    38. Well, I am quite surprised, HLHaller. I thought that you were interested in this subject. After all, you are the one who brought it up (i.e., the avatar and subsequent comments). In any case, you could have worded your last two comments to me in a more polite way. Also, although I am a gifted person, what you've mentioned is not one of my gifts.

      Delete
  20. My daughter tried without success to set the city on fire to celebrate New Year.

    That's what happens when you breed with another species.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!!! Is she available? JK

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KB54p8_wh8

      I hope this link works - I'm trying to get to MC900Ft Jesus - The City Sleeps...

      Delete
    2. Not available. Married to another woman. This is the future, my granddaughter is a ten year old girl with two mommies and two daddies. I asked my granddaughter if she is going to migrate to Mars or live in the clouds above Venus. Granddaughter did say she did not have a good feeling about setting the city on fire. As the fire completely fizzled, do not waste your time scanning the sky for a conflagration.

      Delete
    3. I was just making a joke RA - I recall you saying things indicating that I'm "not her type."

      I just got a chuckle out of her trying to burn the town down - mistake, I expect...but not a fun of a story. 8)~

      Delete
    4. You know the old expression, HL, "Never bullshit a bullshitter."

      Another saying, "Grandchildren are a parent's best revenge on their children."

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  21. I stopped reading at "when you go to their house after school"

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sociopaths are good for temparary excitement but not as long rage partners.
    They feel no need to mend their ways, and when the relationship eventually
    goes south as it must for a variety of reasons, they make an exit.
    "Love" is suppost to conquer all, but that not the way it actual works, unless the
    people believe in sacrafice and compromise, which the sociopath doesn't have
    to give. How could they when it's "always somebody else's fault?"
    BTW,"Dr. Ginger" IS a female, and possibly the only person who could help
    Casey Anthony (If she wants to.) Please come back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if someone is willing to compromise and sacrifice because they loved the socio so much? Has anyone had someone love them so much and turned them away?

      Delete
    2. I read about Ann in Confessions of A Sociopath and I loved him as Ann loved the author. I miss him!

      Delete
    3. (Comment for this thread)

      "I read about Ann in Confessions of A Sociopath and I loved him as Ann loved the author. I miss him!"

      Anon,

      I also read about Ann in "Confessions of a Sociopath," which sounded like a special relationship between her and the author. Finding someone in this world who understands you in certain areas of life that are different and/or altogether uncommon is undeniably rare. However, the author and Ann were also able to communicate clearly, to comprehend things fully, and to understand each other on levels that are inaccessible to common individuals. I believe that bonding with someone entails so much more than we can ever imagine, and, simultaneously, loving and being with that person for who he or she truly is in real life. Accepting someone on all levels is the ultimate goal, but there has to be mutual understanding and the actual desire to be in that relationship without destroying it every step of the way. I think that having and maintaining a strong, different/original and mutually responsive bond is extraordinary. It is finding that unique bond that makes things difficult along the way.

      Can you talk a bit more about your love for this person?

      Delete
    4. "What if someone is willing to compromise and sacrifice because they loved the socio so much?"

      Anon, I believe that compromise and sacrifice should be mutually given in a relationship. However, if the relationship is right for the two partners (i.e., keeping in mind that every relationship is not alike, and what is right is unique to every relationship), I also believe that the need for compromise and sacrifice would not be as great as one would imagine. This is what I mean when I say that finding that right and different bond can be rather difficult along the way, but once you do, I envision it to be extraordinary.

      Delete
    5. He was different and I knew this from the start. He always said I would never really know him. He had a tough childhood and is currently a paramedic/ fireman and younger by 13 years. He comes around in waves and is very intelligent. He likes to be admired and if I challenge him he becomes angry. I am suppose to obey. I want to learn more about him but he refuses. I am only meant to be in the bedroom. Manipulates many women for money and he is unable to sustain a relationship. I would live my life to make him happy but he will not explain why he can only talk to me when he wants something(sex). He likes to experiment which is wonderful but he has left again and maybe for good. I pressed the limit because he sleeps with a gun under his pillow and I questioned it. He was kidnapped at 17 and beaten badly. If a sociopath, would he still feel lonely, PTSD, or drink to numb? I want to understand and would walk through fire for him.

      Delete
    6. Every woman has left him. I would not leave and yet he left me. I wanted to be there.

      Delete
    7. I would wait forever for him........I love him more than anyone I have ever met in my life.

      Delete
    8. An awful ache in my heart that I cannot get rid of and yet he was the only one who has ever filled it. I waited two years for him to return. Maybe I was selfish to ask for more? I just don't think I will ever understand.

      Delete
    9. "He always said I would never really know him."

      Anon,

      Do we ever really know a person, meaning completely? Does the idea make you feel comfortable, or in the alternative, uncomfortable? Where do your thoughts lead you on this?

      "I would live my life to make him happy but he will not explain why he can only talk to me when he wants something(sex). He likes to experiment which is wonderful but he has left again and maybe for good....I want to understand and would walk through fire for him."

      It sounds like this person is using you, which is not a good thing in a relationship. Naturally, a strong bond is so much more than what you've described. If you would truly and openly communicate with this person, do you think that your situation would change and your relationship would take a different turn?

      How do you feel about him coming around in "waves"? Can you provide more details on this train of thought?

      Delete
    10. "I would wait forever for him........I love him more than anyone I have ever met in my life."

      Anon, This sounds sublime to me.

      Genuinely speaking, waiting forever for someone shows great loyalty. However, I believe that this same loyalty and faithfulness needs to occur in everything, and in every area, related to a long-term relationship having inner depth and linked together by a bond that can last for so long. While one feels it in the inner core, he or she should also be able to practice it. Also genuinely speaking, this is also what would make it sublime.

      Delete
    11. "An awful ache in my heart that I cannot get rid of and yet he was the only one who has ever filled it. I waited two years for him to return. Maybe I was selfish to ask for more? I just don't think I will ever understand."

      It is quite difficult to find someone to fill that awful ache, as you've described it. Were you always faithful/loyal to this person in all aspects of the relationship? For instance, the importance of this is quite great to me, and it decides things for me, and/or for the future of the relationship as a whole, in a way that is quite essential.

      Anon, what name would you choose for yourself?

      Delete
    12. I would choose Azelia for my name (it means not jealous). I have been like this since I was a little. Very loyal and I would give him what he wanted whenever asked. All I wanted was time with him. Time is most valuable. I do not need things, nor money, spending quality time with someone is the best part of life. It was the most happiest I have ever been.

      Delete
    13. He comes around when he is bored and lonely.

      Delete
    14. I did communicate all of this and he will not communicate. He just says I will never understand. :(

      Delete
    15. "I did communicate all of this and he will not communicate. He just says I will never understand. :("

      Can you describe how and where you communicated all of these things to this person? What were the circumstances and setting? These factors are highly important.

      Delete
    16. "He comes around when he is bored and lonely."

      You seem to be solely blaming this person for the way things have been proceeding or, in the alternative, not proceeding/disrupted in some way or another. "Blame" might be a strong word, but I am using this particular word in order to be more direct and clear (i.e., in other words, it is not meant to offend). Having said that, are you sure that there are no other factors, thoughts or behaviors in you that might disrupt certain things from continuing as you would like them to?

      Delete
    17. "Very loyal and I would give him what he wanted whenever asked. All I wanted was time with him. Time is most valuable. I do not need things, nor money, spending quality time with someone is the best part of life. It was the most happiest I have ever been."

      Azelia,

      You should use this name as opposed to Anonymous. It would make things easier to understand and distinguish. I agree, spending quality time with a partner is part of truly fortifying the bond. However, it is hard to build and expand upon something enduring without real loyalty/faithfulness and trust. In my mind, they go hand in hand, the two components being inseparable at the foundation/core of the relationship. I believe that this person becomes aloof or uncommunicative when the two components are shaken and/or become blurred on any possible level. That is the main issue that takes place. There must be no doubts whatsoever in those areas. It has nothing to do with jealousy, since this person does not sound like the jealous type. It has to do with maintaining an intact, unique and incomparable bond. Nothing should smear or take away from the bond, or ruin/destroy it along the way. Nihilistic Mind mentioned this to me earlier (i.e., ruining/destroying things and then not having any prospects after doing so), and I expanded upon it in a longer comment. Why would you destroy/ruin something that can become extraordinary if it is kept intact, worth-having and original?

      Delete
    18. Azelia,

      I suppose that in a "common-type" of relationship, it would be interpreted as jealousy. Others see loyalty/faithfulness as a matter of values, which is also correct, and I agree with that as well. However, I don't want a common-type of relationship, since I desire something much greater than that, meaning an original, highly elevated bond that should not be smeared in any way. That is how my true core works - a real reflection of what I deeply desire - and that is how I also see love and intimacy. To me, they must feel extraordinary at the base/foundation of it all. At that time, when all of these components fall into place, I would no longer see myself as distant or behave in distant ways, being able to create, come forth and make the relationship into something amazing in all possible aspects, including the intimacy part of it (i.e., I would truly apply myself to my fullest potential). It must feel like a whole to me, a time when I would become innovative, in-tune with everything, and highly intuitive.

      Delete
    19. I do not obey well. I should wait for him to contact me and I don't. I was good to him though. It was just not enough. Even cared for him when he was sick on many occasions. I agree wholeheartedly with your description of a beautiful relationship. I feel the same and my mistake that I thought he did also.

      Delete
    20. I think he was jealous of people who had money. He always made comments about it. He also always said he needed space. Who gets mad when asking to go see a movie? I would visit and be told not to contact. Who does that? I was content just to be friends. It was either you sleep with me or nothing. Not very nice.

      Delete
    21. Why is setting important? I would ask questions and be told not to. It was just dysfunctional. I tried though. This is what I don't understand about the value factor. In the book it states the other person must have value but if someone offers you love and affection that is valuable. Very valuable.

      Delete
    22. I am an empath trying to understand the socio world. Please explain "prospects"... I am fascinated by this. :)

      Delete
    23. "I agree wholeheartedly with your description of a beautiful relationship. I feel the same and my mistake that I thought he did also."

      Anon, I meant to describe a unique, evolved relationship, and I am quite glad to see that someone comprehends what I try to convey.

      What do you mean when you say that it was not enough? I hope that you don't truly believe that you, as a person, were not enough in this relationship. What has led you to this ultimate conclusion? Can you possibly change your thinking, so that you won't be left with this idea in your mind?

      "I do not obey well."

      Can you write a bit more about this point?

      Delete
    24. Thank you Stay Smart for your comments. It was very kind and helpful of you.
      Be well,
      Azelia ;)

      Delete
    25. He wanted me to follow rules. Don't call, don't text, and don't expect. I meant that know matter how much I loved or no matter what I said it was not enough. He was very set in his way. He would not even talk to a sibling for years. He seems to dislike women very much. I don't think it was me but something about me was not what he wanted. I cannot change that. I am ok. I feel sad for him more than anything.

      Delete
    26. Anon,

      Being jealous of people who have more money is not a good thing. I have never understood this idea about others.

      "Who gets mad when asking to go see a movie?"

      I don't understand this either. I would practically live in a movie theater. Well, if I had one in my house, that is. I have so much to say about this, but at this point in time, I prefer not to, since a simple idea per se can mean so much (i.e., a few words can tell a whole story).

      There is a time(s) when we do need our own personal space, and I can understand that quite well. I can be that way, too, for an essential/needed reason, but spending time with one's partner is also important.

      "I would visit and be told not to contact. Who does that?"

      How would this take place? Can you provide more details?

      "It was either you sleep with me or nothing. Not very nice."

      What does this mean, if you don't mind explaining?

      Delete
    27. I believe you love someone by how they treat and respect you. If you treat me well than I will treat you better. I will love you more.

      Delete
    28. Exactly, I do not understand it myself. It was text to me the day after a visit. It was very weird. I was always told do not contact until I do first.

      Delete
    29. Anon,

      This might sound strange, but setting is rather important to me. I find that every given place has a certain impact on me (i.e., I remember these effects rather well, a long time after they occur), meaning that I feel in different ways depending on where I am. It has to do with me or with a sense of creativity, as opposed to the other person or the relationship per se, but it is not so easy to explain.

      Love and affection have "value" to me, but not in a "common" way. I see them, or they need to feel, distinctive to me.

      Delete
    30. Well he must have felt something to return after 2 years. Many conversations would happen at his house. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sitting at a kitchen table or by text.

      Delete
    31. He wanted friends with benefit. Nothing more.

      Delete
    32. "He wanted me to follow rules. Don't call, don't text, and don't expect. I meant that know matter how much I loved or no matter what I said it was not enough. He was very set in his way. He would not even talk to a sibling for years. He seems to dislike women very much. I don't think it was me but something about me was not what he wanted. I cannot change that. I am ok. I feel sad for him more than anything."

      Anon,

      This sounds like a very bad experience for you, and there are times when we cannot change things, or a person, no matter how hard we try. Don't blame yourself for the things that did not work so well, and try to be happy in life.

      Delete
    33. I just know I miss him and wish it could be different. Goodnight

      Delete
    34. "I believe you love someone by how they treat and respect you. If you treat me well than I will treat you better. I will love you more."

      Yes, the core always "sees" what is invisible to the eye, and respect is definitely a part of it.

      Delete
    35. "Many conversations would happen at his house. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sitting at a kitchen table or by text."

      As I said, it does sound like a bad experience for you. You expected something else, but, unfortunately, it proved to be both uncommon and unpleasant. :(

      Delete
    36. "Exactly, I do not understand it myself. It was text to me the day after a visit. It was very weird. I was always told do not contact until I do first."

      Yes, everything must have sounded so rigid to you. Love and excitement should have made this worthwhile.

      "All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name."

      Do you feel like you can name it now, after this bad experience? This would be a way to see the "good part" in this unpleasant situation, and take that with you as self-discovery.

      Delete
    37. "I am an empath trying to understand the socio world. Please explain "prospects"... I am fascinated by this. :)"

      Anon, I believe that Nihilistic Mind meant people, personal interests or relationships.

      Delete
    38. "He wanted friends with benefit. Nothing more."

      This must have been hard for you, since you wanted true love, affection and intimacy. Some things are just not meant to be, but, eventually, the right person does come along. :)

      Delete
    39. "Thank you Stay Smart for your comments. It was very kind and helpful of you.
      Be well,
      Azelia ;"

      Thank you, Azelia. I wish you well, too.

      Delete
    40. "I just know I miss him and wish it could be different. Goodnight"

      Goodnight, and believe that things will be better for you.

      Delete
    41. Typo - I meant "common" in my comment at 5:10 PM.

      Delete
    42. "I pressed the limit because he sleeps with a gun under his pillow and I questioned it. He was kidnapped at 17 and beaten badly. If a sociopath, would he still feel lonely, PTSD, or drink to numb? I want to understand and would walk through fire for him."

      Anon,

      I didn't mention this point yesterday, because it made me feel very uncomfortable. It is quite disturbing to think that someone sleeps with a gun under his pillow. So, you need to take better care of yourself (i.e., both mentally and physically), and stay away from abusive situations like the one you have described. The way this person treats you is abusive (i.e., being told not to visit, to follow rules, etc.), which is also linked to his hate for women. I do hope that he gets help sooner than later.

      I wish you well.

      Delete
  23. Nagging to your children may be fatal...

    "What could possibly lead a son to be accused of cutting off his own mother's head and then disposing of her body as if trash?

    The younger Gomez -- who admitted to the murder, according to the Sheriff's Office -- was apparently fed up with his mother's "nagging" over the previous two days about moving some boxes into the attic,"


    http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/01/us/florida-woman-decapitated/?iid=ob_articleorganicsidebarexpansion&iref=obnetwork

    ReplyDelete
  24. My dad has gotten his female partners to increase their earning potentials, work hard and make money, which he then spends. when they get old he divorces them and "upgrades" to younger women. before he divorces them, he puts as much of "their" assets in his name and then claims his legally-mandated half. his current woman is about 30 years younger than him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eventually, he will "graduate" to a woman young enough and strong enough to behead him. I am about to head out to the gym for my workout. I will suggest they had a "beheading" strength machine to the varied equipment they offer their members.

      Delete
    2. Anon,

      Your father doesn't sound like a "parent" at all. I suppose that some people clearly lack that particular instinct. How do you feel about his actions?

      Delete
    3. RA, can you talk about something else - a topic not having to do with killing people?

      Delete
    4. Anon,

      Unfortunately, this type of man (i.e., comparable to a parasite) exists in this world, and being used in this way is clearly wrong. However, this type of man is also really unhappy with him own person, so he might wake up one day and realize that it is time to change, to break that awful pattern and do something new, to actually work on himself, and to financially stand on his own two feet/take care of his own self.

      Delete
  25. http://nypost.com/2015/01/03/douglas-durst-blasts-psychopath-brother-ahead-of-hbo-series/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was profiles on America's Most Wanted, I think. He's very strange.

      http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/classics/robert_durst/1.html

      Delete
    2. "Perhaps it was the habitual marijuana use that influenced his strange behavior. Or perhaps he was permanently traumatized by his mother's suicide, which he witnessed when he was seven (she jumped off the roof of the family home). Authorities from New York and Los Angeles are still trying to sort out the extent of his criminality."

      Delete
  26. Anon,

    I also read about Ann in "Confessions of a Sociopath," which sounded like a special relationship between her and the author. Finding someone in this world who understands you in certain areas of life that are different and/or altogether uncommon is undeniably rare. However, the author and Ann were also able to communicate clearly, to comprehend things fully, and to understand each other on levels that are inaccessible to common individuals. I believe that bonding with someone entails so much more than we can ever imagine, and, simultaneously, loving and being with that person for who he or she truly is in real life. Accepting someone on all levels is the ultimate goal, but there has to be mutual understanding and the actual desire to be in that relationship without destroying it every step of the way. I think that having and maintaining a strong, different/original and mutually responsive bond is extraordinary. It is finding that unique bond that makes things difficult along the way.

    Can you talk a bit more about your love for this person?

    ReplyDelete
  27. "Two blind men lead each other and they fall into a ditch."
    Usually, it is mutual "neediness" that draws a couple together. They form a
    buffer against the hash world. If weakness and negativity draw the couple together
    they cannot have a healthy relationship. They must invest the energy in themselves to have something authentic to offer the other and they might not
    "need" the other. It's a "lose, lose" situation, because most people believe
    "better the devil you know, then the devil you don't know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As with calculus (something I once understood a bit), a relationship is about mutually compatible change. My wife and I have been married for over 49 years. We are not the same people we were then, but we are still together because we have changed in compatible ways. Each day we ask ourselves, is today the day I kill my partner before he or she kills me?

      Delete
    2. Yeppp. Relationships form at a level of compatibility for different set of reasons and the dynamics change steadily, there are periods of no compatibility and these can either escalata into impossibility or new mutually compatible adjustments.

      It helps to be lazy or faithful in those misadjustment periods for you to stick it out. I neither was lazy nor held any faith in his changing back or a desire for my changing to match the change my ex went through within a few years of my marriage, and I chose divorce without looking back.

      There is no way I could have expected the drastic change so quickly (in life philosophy, as in changing from go-getter to wall-watcher), but I could have chosen someone who's already established, as opposed to trusting the go-getter will actually 'get' as opposed to 'stop-go.'

      The moral of the story: potential is good but achievement is better when judging someone's qualifications.

      That sounded far too serious, let's lighten it up. People are not like melons that you could simply smell'm out.

      Delete
    3. I agree with Anonymous 4:50 AM.

      Delete
  28. The badguy-voice in the Roadkill-movies sounds rather psyhopathic, and so do the telephone-call character in Scream..

    ReplyDelete
  29. "Nope, it's not Dr. Ginger's blog. It's mine."

    Anon, If you were to give yourself a name, what would it be and why?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hi, HLH. I had assumed that you chose The Cauchy distribution because it 'is often used in statistics as the canonical example of a "pathological" distribution." (from wiki)

    I thought that was hilarious... Very suitable for SW, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sceli,

      Well I'll be!!!

      I hadn't seen it described as "pathological" that I recall - it was just the properties of heavy tails (and my tail gets heavier every year... *rim-shot*) and lack of expected values that I thought were appropriate - and the extreme values. *grin*

      Now knowing that they are called "pathological" - well, that just makes my day!!! 8D~

      Delete
  31. What is the psycho met a "mirror image" person which had one strange flaw: every attempt to stray from THE TRUTH were taken almost as if the psycho hade fondled the "mirror persons" buttock with a cold hand? Otherwise a just as observing, cunning, scheming, noncaring &, if need be, incredibly volcano-aggressive "mirror-individual". How would the psycho handle such a situation, every attempt to start "playing" were met with "twitching" face movements indicating inner "volcano pressure" building up? What would the psycho do..?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pointy objects come to mind.

      Delete
  32. What "if" the psycho met..correction

    ReplyDelete
  33. Feed the narcissistic before she blows this fuckin place up.
    She needs you guys. You're her supply right now.
    Next week it will be something else. Feed the lovely bitch.
    Casey Anthony's life's depends on it. If you truly loved her, you'd feed her.
    She's my new precious, I love her and can't imagine Dr. Ginger not here.
    She's the only one that can save her. We should help her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Help ? You can help her by standing up to it. That just gives people more power when you choose to feed it. Why feed her - so she can give me ass wipe in return. There comes a time and a place to offend someone for the sake of not kissing ass anymore. And realizing that the same abuse they advocate so strongly against - is sometimes the same abuse they dish out back unto others, (by doing anything in their power to justify their position instead of owning it.) And making the opposing views of others out to feel like cowards. I know this kind all too well.

      Go ahead Anonymous, be the punching bag this week. Watch for the claws. But first she might play real nice. The type you obsess over. The type you get your thrill on about.

      Delete
  34. PROS AND CONS OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOCIOPATHS:
    What a pleasant surprise to see a casual, old blog of mine posted on Sociopath World over the weekend. If I had known about it, I certainly would have dressed for the occasion.
    I'm guessing one of my sweet, sociopathic muses thought it might make me squirm to see something I wrote privately posted here...they are such mischievous little imps, never a dull moment!
    Paranoid Anonymous: I am not Dr. Ginger or Nihilistic Mind, thank you for the compliment.
    Am I a bitch? Occasionally.
    Am I a psycho? Nah.
    I'm just a "former plaything" who enjoys the game and has a genuine appreciation for independent thinkers, with a really good sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you post this blog thread; I'd like to read it.

      Delete
  35. I love M.E. very much. She is very deserving of love. She is NOT a cruel, mean,
    heartless thing. She is lovely person who wanted to find meaning in her life.
    True enough, her claims of being a "sociopath" are fraudulent, but she really can't
    be blamed for this misrepresentation. People "misrepresent" themselves all the
    time. People juggle different "faces" for different reasons.
    It's a shame that there are so many impediments to demonstrable love. I think
    this goes back to "self preservation." People have an "image" to uphold They
    equate survival, and hopeful "immortality" with the preservation of their "image."
    M.E. will be materially sucessful providing she avoids a dire disease or isn't a
    violent crime victim. The later is in question unfortunately, because there is now
    a concerted effort to "create(?)" an Anarchist society. The goal is to create a
    society like: othellouniverse and Information on horridtemptation.tumblr.com web
    site.
    If a person volentarily chooses this life for themselves that's one thing. Many will not chose, they will have it forced upon them. It will be a terrible existence
    tied to a bedpost 23 hours out of ever 24.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait I thought you loved Ginger now. Don't cheat on M.E. Stay focused.

      Delete

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