Thursday, June 5, 2014

What for criticism?

Apart from the rumored "covetous sociopath," I have not found sociopaths to be critics as a rule. They don't adhere to social norms and so often don't have much purpose for upholding the status quo or enforcing rules against other people. I think that sociopaths can be a terrible blow to one's self esteem or ego. People often become aware of facets of their personality that they didn't realize existed. But again, it's not because the sociopath is trying to make them swallow the bitter pill of truth. The sociopath isn't truth police. If they appear that way in one context, perhaps they are the equivalent then of a corrupt cop who uses his position to advance his own interests. Full disclosure -- I don't like to be the subject of fault-finding. Is there some better way to help people develop into the best person they can be, if that were to be our goal? When a sociopath is trying to pull out the best you in the seduction phase, does he do it through criticism, even so-called honest criticism (could there be such a thing? perhaps theoretically, but rarely can someone put aside their own ego so far removed from the content of their speech that the criticism doesn't drip with the critics' personal issues rather than the reality of the situation). No, oddly enough, people don't respond well to criticism, perhaps apart from the short-lived effectiveness of the pick-up artist's "negs", which quickly cease to be effective and become instead annoyingly presumptuous and insulting. Especially from people who apparently feel the pain of others (empathy), I'm amazed at how tearing into people has become the sport and spectacle that it has.

People are down on the devoutly religious for a lot of things, but this is one reason that I am glad that most people have a belief in the soul, an idea that we are all connected, and a realization that none of these little problems matter in the broader scheme of things.  From an LDS/mormon church leader, since deceased, President Gordon B. Hinckley:

[T]here is a terrible ailment of pessimism in the land. It’s almost endemic. We’re constantly fed a steady and sour diet of character assassination, faultfinding, evil speaking of one another. 

The negative becomes the stuff of headlines and long broadsides that, in many cases, caricature the facts and distort the truth—at least the whole truth.

The snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates—these too often are the essence of our conversation. 

I’m asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.

I am not asking that all criticism be silent. Growth comes with correction. What I am suggesting and asking is that we turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good in the land and times in which we live, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism.

When I was a boy, my father often said to us, “Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.”

Let me urge you to desist from making cutting remarks one to another. Rather, cultivate the art of complimenting, of strengthening, of encouraging. What wonders we can accomplish when others have faith in us. 

Look for the good and build on it. There is so much of the sweet and the decent and the good to build upon.

I do not suggest that you simply put on rosecolored glasses to make the world look rosy. I ask, rather, that you look above and beyond the negative, the critical, the cynical, the doubtful, to the positive. 

95 comments:

  1. That's a cynical suggestion from you.

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  2. She can dish it out, but cant take it.

    "[The narcissist's] typical reaction to criticism, disagreement, challenges-or sometimes even the mere suggestion that they consider doing something differently-can lead to the "narcissistic rage" that is another of their trademarks. To protect their delicate ego in the face of such intensely felt danger, they're decidedly at risk for going ballistic against their perceived adversary.

    All of which indicates just how fragile their artificially bloated sense of self really is. Given the enormity of their defenses, they regard themselves not on a par with, but above others. Yet they're mortally threatened when anyone dares question their words or behavior."

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201110/the-narcissists-dilemma-they-can-dish-it-out

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    1. Please site your sources elsewhere. It doesn't quite fit here. There's nothing narcissist about the blog post written today.

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    2. Not liking criticism is a universal quality in all people. A punch to the face still hurts, regardless of who punched you, or who you are.

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    3. Anon 2:21:
      Thank you for that. That was a very interesting read.

      Anon 8:37:
      Who appointed you the source police? :)
      I think his/her comment is very highly relevant to today's blog post.

      The narcissist cannot take criticism. Period.

      Due to their greatly inflated sense of self, they cannot bear someone seeing them as less. And encouraging only "positive thinking" is a fantastic way to control people and discourage them from speaking up. If you don't like something, don't dare question, don't dare speak up, don't dare go against the grain... just keep going and have faith that things will somehow get better.
      And if you speak up, you are a "pessimist". You are to be discredited and/or brought back in line.
      That's when tantrums, manipulative behaviours, all the loveliest things the narcissist has to offer, really come out.
      After all, as a "pessimist", you are an ugly, horrible tyrant, the worst this world has to offer :D (nope, couldn't resist)

      Funniest thing is that I have never heard of a tyrannical leader who said "I would love to hear what the people think of my methods, staff, everything. If you like something, please tell me so. But don't be shy, tell me what you think the problems are, what I'm doing wrong. I would love to know so I can try to make changes to better things..."
      No, they love to encourage optimism. Everything is awesome! And anyone who doesn't think it is... those pessimistic, critical fuckers are trouble makers of the worst kind.

      It is much easier to paint this control in rosy colours by telling people they are being good, considerate, empathetic, wonderful members of society *if they remain positive* and don't dare become like those bastards who criticise... than to tell them "speak up against me and I will go ape shit and try to destroy you!!"

      Manipulation 101. Make them feel like it's their idea. Make them proud to be associated with it. Make them proud to uphold it.

      M.E., I love how you even said in there that sociopaths don't criticise. Seems to me like a rather see through tactic to align yourself with those who really want to be seen as good, kind, positive people. And of course steering the desperate wannabes that follow this blog into compliance.
      It's the manipulative adult's equivalent of saying "Cool kids don't do ....... . It's only the stupid poo poo heads that do that."

      I have had the pleasure of meeting many sociopaths on this site. And every single one has been critical as hell. They saw through the bullshit and didn't give the flightiest of fucks about preserving delicate egos. So they told you what they thought.
      No, they were not always right, And plenty of times they used to just make stuff up to get a rise out of people. But you know something, they could make you see through delusions. Challenge you to see what was really wrong with you and to find ways to improve.

      If a sociopath is an optimist who praises you, shelters your ego and helps you come up with excuses why you are failing, yeah... they are trying to sell you something.

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    4. Bite me. May I ask: Are you a sociopath yourself?

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    5. She has too much personality to be a sociopath

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    6. There is one distinction to note. When sociopaths give criticism, it isn't always weaponized. While sometimes it is targeted, many times it is neither negative nor positive. It may come across as hurtful, but in actuality it was never meant that way. That isn't to say it was helpful (though sometimes it is). It was, simply put, without added flavor.

      Once you strip away the niceties from a paragraph of speech, the naked bluntness can be perceived as hurtful. What You See Is What You Get.

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    7. ^well said Bob, without question and beyond doubt, that is something my (so) would say to me. I just have to choose to not personalize it. He usually does things or says things for my overall benefit. I really do get him. Though sometimes helpful in the appropriate circumstances to dish out the constructive criticism, I do remind him of another way he can describe it to me without coming across as harsh. I tell him, I get it, they wont get it. Soften the bleep up.

      ;-)

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  3. The bulk of mankind is "asleep."
    They are creatures of non observent habit. They inhabit the fences
    of their limited perception and act out their ego defined "slots."
    Self obsevence is vital to "wake up." Then you won't be the victim
    of an unthinking consistancey that is the hoggoblin of small minds.

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  4. Are you saying we should have faith in humanity, in goodness? You only need peer into your own soul to see that such things are fallacies, and if after looking within you say you have not found capacity for evil, then you are a liar.

    All this positive thinking is designed to maintain the status quo, to encourage silence where there should be questions. Why am I surprised that the leader of a group that heavily marginalizes women (by your own admission?) would want things to stay as they are, to be happy with their lot?

    Be happy with what you have? This guy was a straight white male in a position of power over multitudes of people. Of course he doesn't want anything to be different! People who practice cynicism, skepticism, and doubt are the only ones who can effect change, and possible make humanity better. Everyone else is a sheep or a tyrant.

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    1. "People who practice cynicism, skepticism, and doubt are the only ones who can effect change, and possible make humanity better." Please site your sources

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    2. Its basis is on rational study and the scientific method. Skepticism and doubt are fundamental hallmarks of questioning something. What can something understood currently be something else. For something to change, there must be a willingness to address it - to question it and see if something else can explain why. In experimental design, they refer to this as falsifiability, or the principle that something can be proven wrong. Everything in science must be designed so that it can be tested and challenged, so that a better answer can even be allowed to supplant an older one. It is, simply put, the allowance of an evolution or change into something better.

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    3. Erik:
      Love everything about it.

      Bob:
      Very well said!

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    4. I'm about as cynical as they come, but I feel like you guys are misinterpreting the point of the passage. I don't think it is suggesting that we refrain from cynicism in order to maintain some status quo, but that such attitudes, when directed at other people, don't accomplish very much. It is easy to cut someone down, but it takes more effort to try to make someone better.

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    5. The passage was suggesting the negative emotional aspect of cynicism, skepticism, and doubt. What Erik was suggesting is the ironic dichotomy of needing skepticism and doubt (though not necessarily cynicism).

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  5. There exists "analyzers" some say belong in the psycho-drawer due to unsentimental behaviour. These love to "pick apart". They also like to talk morals, but this does not mean they see themselves as part of the moral landscape. Like the psychos some say they are, they many times see themselves as "delicate exceptions". But lesser men are meant to adhere to morals, according to their philosophy. But they dont relish "rule-breaking" like standard psychos, its not something they strive for. If they have a spare coin, the beggar might get it. But not because of pity, its more about discipline; to "prune" the character by following the examples of monks. They admire such people: mentally hard folks with no material chains.

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    1. This sounds very much like the man I was once in love with. I loved the mental discipline that he projected, because I assumed that it was borne of denial of egotism in deference to principle.

      His capacity to deconstruct the motivations of others was remarkable. He helped "free my mind" from dogma. His devil may care attitude about pleasing the religious subculture we both were born into was liberating to me. Why? Because I was infatuated with the myth of him that he had created for the purposes of securing my devotion. Once he had installed himself into my consciousness as the ultimate hero, then all of his combativeness and cruelty was cast in the golden glow of moral goodness. His superior analytical skills deconstructed morality even as that same morality served as a curtain that obscured his greater goal of subjugating me.

      Breaking free of my "hero" was the greatest challenge I have faced so far in my life. I never came closer to handing over my moral agency than when I was involved with this individual. Ultimately, the painful conclusion that my hero was simply an invented personality masking a being that was only capable of deconstruction is what set me free.

      The most clever psychopaths understand how to destabilize personalities, institutions and hierarchies by triggering internal forces to interact in a toxic fashion. Honed properly, this power can bring down a nation. (I think of the character Frank Underwood in House of Cards as being the best current on screen representation of an individual with this skill set).

      Yet once the nation, organization or individual has been brought to its knees the brilliantly constructed demolition serves no greater purpose. The ruins of what was do not set the stage for a more sophisticated and grander reconstruction. Those who author this sort of destruction seem all powerful until you discover their achilles heel.

      They have no idea how to create. They can only ruin. In the midst of the ruins of something that once seemed marvelous, they are hapless children unfit to build the empire their egos demand. And so ultimately their power is revealed to be derivative from the very entities they have worked with such cleverness to destroy.

      The best visual metaphor is the snake that consumes itself.

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    2. A bit of an ironic mismetaphor. Ouroboros symbolizes eternal cycling/return, such as Life (life -> death -> life).

      As for never being able to create, that is a rather cynical, if not vindictive, viewpoint. Sociopaths can create - they just don't care as much if something is destroyed too. Apathy works in both directions.

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    3. "obscured his greater goal of subjugating me"
      Yes. But caution, for the socio you are only one of hundreds of superficial shorttime pleasures. The way the socio talks about you and all the other pets is more like what they had for dinner last month. All these deep philosophical discussions here mask how superficially the socio sees all the slave-toys around him. Definitly not more.

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    4. "they are hapless children"
      All those little defeats are their rewarding-system. I can not see that they suffer more than the average Joe. Maybe less. They have their own kind of goals and seem happy with it.

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    5. They're not pets, but people. "Just" people, in all of the diversity and limitation that perspective has.

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    6. I'd like to push back and suggest that the sociopath can't consistently create in a manner that is commensurate with their intelligence. They can have flashes of brilliance but are undone by their boredom. The need for new stimulation and greater obsession with power sabotage the long term development of a useful skill which makes the true sociopath destined to live as a one hit wonder- there is a marked lack of focus once the drudgery/tedious part of an effort overshadows the initial "fun" of the project.

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    7. It would be accurate to say the creation doesn't happen just for creation-sake. There would have to be other factors, such as novelty and interest. But that doesn't reduce capacity, only the incentive to do it. It also depends on what you are creating - if the creation involves building something new each time, the possibility of perpetuating creation can be high. You may be falling into the trap of over-restricting people into the categories, and forgetting the multitude of other factors that make them what they are. I myself have continued to find creative solutions to problems, as a matter of occupation, and it has been that creative problem solving that has outweighed the drudgery/tedious part for a decade.

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    8. I didn't say that the sociopath couldn't create… I said the sociopath can't consistently create in a manner that is commensurate with their intelligence. It kind of makes you wonder just how much more amazing evil geniuses could be if they weren't saddled with the raging egotism that causes most cluster B personalities to repeatedly self sabotage.

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    9. The self-sabotage in this case would be more about lack of impulse control than intelligence and creativity, or lack thereof. Also, egotism isn't a single flavor - the whole cluster of personality disorders is not identically affective in what "kind" of narcissism may be perceived. Pigeonholing sociopathy with all clustered disorders would be overgeneralizing significantly. There are overlaps in "some" areas, but many traits have no overlap at all. You need to factor both similarities and differences together, or else you'll get caught on just one or the other.

      By the way, what do you base your opinion of being unable to commensurate creativity with intelligence? Is it narcissism? Nikolas Tesla, a creative genius who consistently created over a long period of time was an extreme narcissist. If it is the combination of narcissistic traits and sociopathy, than how does the combination - or the difference - reduce creativity? Creativity isn't based off of an emotionally-deep passion exclusive to non-sociopaths - it's about building something that did not exist at its place before. Creativity isn't an emotion. And continued creation isn't exclusive to passion, but drive, or the ambition of creation itself.

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    10. To turn a phrase, do not confuse the painter for the painting.

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    11. nicely put.

      I will simply counter with a quote by MLK jr that I find helpful when my own ego screams for recognition…

      "There is no limit to what man can accomplish if he does not concern himself with who gets the credit."

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  6. Do you folks ever stop complaining. Listen to what she is really saying.

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    1. On a personal level, I agree with her and the church guy wholeheartedly. When extrapolated to society, though, cynicism, skepticism, and doubt are necessary for growth and maturity. If you have enough people patting each other on the back for promoting racism, sexism, gay-bashing, etc. you're going to perpetuate stereotypes and severely limit the ability of others to achieve happiness. How do you 'correct' the fallacies that lead to this kind of self-congratulatory bigotry? You challenge people, you call them out, you beat goodness and fairness into them because if all this circlejerking led to anything good the world wouldn't be such a fucking shithole.

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    2. Lol "church guy"..being raised Mormon myself I did have to laugh at this because if you knew how high regard they hold him in

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  7. The few sociopaths I've been able to identify (thanks to your blog) have seemed very non-judgmental. I got the impression that it was a data mining strategy. People feel more comfortable divulging personal information when they feel the listener isn't judging them.

    Jenn

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    1. Many times they'll even feel accepted.

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    2. To be judgmental requires a rigidity in things that doesn't come wholly naturally to sociopaths in general. That isn't to say they don't have opinions or beliefs - everyone has those. However, there is a lack of a deep emotional component that can anchor opinions based on how a person "feels" about someone, and how that anchoring bleeds over to affect other aspects or situations.

      I don't judge people, not because I don't have an opinion about them, but because I recognize behaviors and beliefs have underlying and distinct mechanisms which uniquely allow and inhibit them in different situations. Because, in a way, I have multiple opinions about them, based on certain aspects and situations. Dispassionate analysis clearly shows the complexity of people's unique behaviors, even though some of it doesn't make sense. Every situation must be clearly assessed, where past behavior and events with them are checked for relevance and factored in where appropriate.

      It's not about whether I care, but should I care.

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  8. Often times it's the unspoken that's even more manipulative and damaging.(unless the recipient has a 'clue' about what's going on, and is merely 'studying' the manipulative one.) Yeah, we all deserve a chance to be understood on both sides of the coin. Why is it that only the sociopath feels deserving of being understood?? I don't get it.Oh, yeah. No conscience. No empathy. I keep forgetting. Because I don't like it.

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    1. I did this and it was interesting to say the least. I don't know what the person was or had exactly but their criticism helped learn some things. Maybe because it was only harsh in the moment and was consciously allowed to some degree to make amends with them. Not make amends to gain entry but because they were understood and genuinely liked. Whatever it was, better to have that than other types.

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  9. I wish the blog post was true. I wish the sociopath was looking for the good in us too. Sometimes fleetingly, but it never lasts.

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    1. I think the sociopath is looking for the good and bad. The sociopath is looking for any and all information like someone else above said. The good is leverage for the sociopath, to be used as a tool of manipulation later, (as is the bad). Discovery of good is not met with relief like with an empath or neurotypical, in fact the sociopath does not consider 'good' good the way NT people do. It is an abitrary trait like any other to be exploited for the benefit of the sociopath when the right time comes. Any other interpretation is delusional.

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    2. That being said, just because it can be used for exploitation, doesn't mean it is. There are plenty of circumstances where there is no manipulation of a person, because it simply is not needed at the time or place. Manipulating someone is less pathological (like pathological lying) and more utility/requirement based. The majority of things needed/wanted in life can be obtained easily enough in a first-world country without it.

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  10. Excellent blog! : )

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  11. Imagine a psychopath ringing the doorbell, saying "-Hi, let´s not be overly critical here, shall we? Don´t pay attention to what I do, just stay open & friendly! No, don´t analyze my slick talk, just listen to how kind I sound!". Some psychopathic characters don´t like when gullible folks get ripped off. They may not lose sleep over it, they may not care much..they may not be good, they may be neutral/indifferent, but somehow decent parents raised them with "gentleman ideals". They may not really believe in them, but they like "that appearance". These are good "vacuum folks" to have around for daft empaths when things with evil intentions rings the doorbell.

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    1. Not really. If you're gullible and obtain some consequence because of it, it is naturally deserving. The fallibility is either disappointing and/or humorous, depending on the situation. Other than that, they don't care, unless your gullibility negatively affects them as a result.

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    2. If "they" are YOUR relations, allowing dirty deeds is similar to allowing shit to drip on ones own polished shoes. Some "neutral folks" dislike shitty shoes.

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    3. As I said, "...unless your gullibility negatively affects them (the sociopath) as a result."

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  12. Unable to stop making excuses for deviant behavior. Not willing to take any responsibility. Harm others whenever you feel like it, but remain blameless.

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  13. I remember that narcissistic friend who kept being frustrated at critics we made of him.

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  14. A psycho does not care if the whole world curses him, That´s part of his rather psychotic mental condition, he then often takes pride in doing exactly what he´s being accused of on a "stage with open curtain". This gives him a sense of enormous grandeur and power; he defies them all with a big grin on his demented face..

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    1. You are confusing lack of caring with pride. This type of lack is apathy. You don't care either way. I can't think of a single instance of feeling prideful - satisfied with results perhaps, but not prideful.

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    2. The whole world may curse or praise me. I think its smarter to praise me but up to you.

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    3. Receiving praise and being prideful are two different things. Receiving praise means someone is thankful to you, or liking you. That is advantageous and sometimes preferred. Being prideful on the otherhand is a wholly internal construct, where you yourself feel things towards yourself. The former is an external manipulative force, the latter an internal emotional force.

      You're not proud of what you do, but you don't mind others praising you for it.

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  15. Sit or stand comfortably with all your muscles relaxed (keep tense enough only to remain sitting or standing). Now, using your memory or imagination, go ahead and get as angry as you can, but don't tense a single muscle. What you will find, If you can keep your muscles relaxed, it is physiologically impossible to get angry. Anger connot exist without muscle tension and neither can fear. Therefore, training yourself to relax your muscles at will can help you recall knowledge and skills more easily, as well as enable you to prevent or free yourself in the middle of fear or anger.

    (from Urban Shaman by Dr. Serge Kahili King).

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  16. For sociopaths, there's an inherent lack of obligation to holding specific world views, opinions, morals, etc. they they just don't carry around. Agreement and criticism for them is entirely as a temporary role and strategy, and personally I can apply it to anything. Emotions inevitably function as barriers to understanding one side more than another. I think knowledge and information is best used by people who don't use it to tie together their ego or want to feel like they're part of a team. The scientific method is the best we have because it is an egoless construct to test theories against. Sociopaths are the closest we have to that as people, it's just about getting them to read books.

    Sociopaths have inevitably been the most progressive throughout history because they don't truly internalize social norms. Racism is fueled by oxytocin and the amygdala. The KKK weren't full of sociopaths, most of the Nazi regime wasn't; emotions can serve to merge the most disastrous of societal values with the superego.

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    1. But obviously, the sociopath also no qualms about using any position to advance their sake, regardless of if they care about it or not. I remember a quote about one of the Nazi sociopaths, that he have gotten on board with exterminating blue kangaroos if they were doing that. It was just about the power.

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  17. Good tweet. I like antiheroes.

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  18. Criticism is extremely counterproductive because it only reinforces the behaviour you don't want!!

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  19. "I think that sociopaths can be a terrible blow to one's self esteem or ego. People often become aware of facets of their personality that they didn't realize existed." LoL! I find this Misleading, Manipulative people (Sociopaths) seek out insecurities in people and here you are trying to mislead everyone into believing that Sociopaths can point out faults that are true but even if what you said was the case it wouldn't matter cause it's only relative to how a person sees himself and when he has enough confidence and the intelligence to know better your tactic wouldn't work.

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  20. Does anyone know of any good sites for therapy for sociopathic behaviour? Which type of councelling works best.

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    1. http://franhorvath.hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Practice-Hooponopono

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  21. the serious sociopath should enter a monastery and become a monk. or a hermit. normal therapy is like rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic.

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  22. The other day I wrote an email to Kent A. Kiehl Phd aurthor of
    "The Psychopath Whisperer." I asked if it were possible to score
    high on the Robert Hare Psychopathic checklist and NOT be
    a psychopath.
    Because Mr. Kiehl images the brains of psychopaths, he believes
    that psychopathy is a condition one is BORN with.
    I brought up Casey Anthony. Mr Kiehl said he was only vagely
    famular with her. I told him that she was a well behaved child
    until the age of 19, when the bottom fell out. She began to lie,
    steal and sleep around at that age. She got pregnant (Which she
    hid) and was compelled against great relecutance to keep the
    child. I asked: Can the traits of sociopathy assert themselves
    LATER WITHOUT conduct disorder? He told me that not all
    murderers were psychopaths, and the person's entire life should
    be examined.
    See why "science" is such a crook? Casey scores off the charts on
    the Robert Hare Psychopatic check list. She has ALL the traits
    of a sociopath. We are assured that anyone with such traits MUST
    be a sociopath. Then comes along Kent Kiehl and he tells us that
    sociopathy is an INHERITED condition. No conduct disorder, no
    sociopathy. REGARDLESS how high they score on the Hare
    checklist.

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    1. " Kiehl is frustrated by the lack of respect shown to psychopathy by the mental-health establishment. “Think about it,” he told me. “Crime is a trillion-dollar-a-year problem. The average psychopath will be convicted of four violent crimes by the age of forty. And yet hardly anyone is funding research into the science. Schizophrenia, which causes much less crime, has a hundred times more research money devoted to it.” I asked why, and Kiehl said, “Because schizophrenics are seen as victims, and psychopaths are seen as predators. The former we feel empathy for, the latter we lock up.”

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    2. Kinda ticked that we have fully accepted borderline treatment for the borderline personality in regards to dbt therapy, &schema etc.... but its null and void treatment for the sociopath. And many borderlines are really just borderline- sociopaths themselves that look down upon the narcissists and sociopaths for struggling with these personality traits. Even though we all struggle with these traits to some degree. Its human traits that are amplified for many. We have pathologized everything.....everything.

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    3. "We have pathologized everything.....everything". Sigh. So true. I just wrote an article about bpd, and submitted to the New York Times for publishing although they might say it's too long. I could go on and on about the subject. Just like sociopaths, borderlines have the monoamine oxidase gene, or the "warrior gene", and in my opinion borderlines are like nature's natural warriors. Almost every society is predicated on violence, but whenever I talk about violence in bpd, I get shut down by these borderline advocates. Violence wasn't always seen as a bad thing, but we have constructed a society where we are heavily concerned with safety, security, and the rights of others (which I'm not opposed to by the way), but I don't think we should ignore where we come from, how we got here, and be afraid to examine it due to fear of supposedly perpetuating stigma. I always preface any borderline talk with managing symptoms so that people don't get so worked up. As Michio Kaku once put it, we are slowly working out our aggression as a species, and psychologists are heavily involved in the process.

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    4. Anon: That is an oversimplification. It is well-recognized that psychopathy/sociopathy is both genetic and environmental, meaning you are born with it and develop it as you grow up from social stimuli. As for diagnosis, the PCL-R is a flawed and outdated construct, which is why by itself is insufficient for diagnosis. Patient history is also needed and assessed.

      Psychology in general is an inexact science. There is a reason why psychology is taught as an Arts degree. It requires significant weight into subjective and qualitative analysis. There are, simply put, no litmus tests for psychological disorders.

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    5. I have to correct you on the "arts degree" comment. Originally I was studying for my B.S. in psychology, but switched to education, and then I obtained my M.S. in psychology, and then Ph.D. As far as the checklist goes, most psychologists see it as outdated. I prefer the MMPI. It has good psychometrics, and is next to impossible to manipulate. I have had several attorneys ask me how their clients can manipulate the MMPI, but it just can't be done. I once had a friend who was from another country, and claimed to have a Ph.D. in psychology. Although he was knowledgeable about psychology, it seemed to be more from a layman's perspective rather than actually having professional training in the subject. He frequently said he was diagnosed in his country with "blunted affect disorder", and lived his life almost like a con man. He developed some fraudulent hypnotherapy program, and sold it to people. I admired his confidence to be around psychologists and psychiatrists trying to peddle an absolutely invented program. They gave him strange looks, and wrote him off. When people would get offended by some of his comments that seemed rude or inappropriate, he would tell me he just doesn't understand people and their emotional responses due to his "blunted affect disorder", and was always trying to figure it out. One day he had numerous questions about the MMPI. He spent hours asking me questions about it. I couldn't figure out how a professional knew so little about the assessment. A couple of months later it was in the news that he was being sued by the University of Minnesota for creating a manual on how to manipulate the MMPI. He called me after that and thanked me for all of the information I had provided him. In retrospect....sociopath? Maybe :)

      Delete
    6. Well said Dr. G. I hope the article does get published, and goes as planned for you. Sounds very interesting to read. I'd like to learn more myself about the monoamine oxidase gene / the warrior gene myself. I appreciate you sharing that.
      I've always believed that the borderline & the sociopath share common symptomatology themes & other aspects of psychopathology that overlap simultaneously with oneanother. Specially the secondary sociopaths.

      Delete
    7. Thanks superchick :) May I ask what you mean by secondary sociopaths? There's definitely some overlap in the symptoms, but the differences that exist between the two are significantly different. If you provide your email, I can send you a copy of what I wrote.

      Delete
    8. I think they are vastly underdiagnosing females sociopaths. I don't believe that females sociopaths are much less common. I also think that in certain upbringings such as religion a sociopath could thrive without notice until a crime is committed in the manner of someone like Susan Smith. I have a mother who is a covert sociopath and both of my brothers have married one sociopath each (so far). Female sociopathy is clearly being underdiagnosed. I thought for years that my mother might be borderline or narcissist but just like my sister in laws she is rarely emotional except in a fake act to attain some goal. They are in fact very flatline people, always watching and studying others to gain info to use against the prey at the right moment. I always found it strange my mother was so much less histrionic than the BPD's and NPD's described on support forums and now I know why. Emotions are only tools to my mother to use in a clutch. Otherwise she rarely displays them, same as SILs. Honestly it is ridiculous for people to continue to claim that all sociopaths have trouble with law-breaking behaviors. Since many are supposed to be highly intelligent a certain subset are going to be intelligent enough to figure out how to get what they want without the danger of law-breaking. And on the other hand males in general create far more crime than females so naturally one would have to assume that this same statistic would carry into sociopathy as well.

      Delete
    9. Didn't say the science degree doesn't exist. It exists. But the point of mentioning the arts degree was about not being strict to the PCL-R, as a demonstration in reality of the non-concrete nature of psychology. It is an example of the nature of professional psychology, and how the common misconception of an immutable test does not work. That was the point in reference to the poster and his comment.

      Delete
    10. Dr. Ginger- if it gets published can you post the link here? Would love to read it!

      Delete
    11. Dr. G. jobrecruitment347@gmail.com
      It's the email I use to hire employees.

      Secondary sociopaths and borderlines together can have difficulties with interpersonal relationships - they have tendencies to blame others - can be both impulsive, aggressive, and can have manipulative tendencies. I guess the symptoms can overlap, but your definitely right there's also distinctive differences between the two. :-)

      Delete
    12. Releasing that email was probably not wise, due to abuse from hecklers and automated spammers.

      Delete
    13. Hi Mach,

      If it gets published I will definitely post it here :) Superchick, on it's way!

      Delete
  23. If the psycho is aware of his condition and strong/sophisticated he can control his urges. He´ll be the same person inside, but his actions can make him "good". Most, however, are demented and will just insectlike continue doing the same routines. Pure will with few emotions, just bend/shape that will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You make do with what you have. It's not an unnatural or crippling sensation. You just are.

      Delete
  24. I wanted to post well I suppose asking for help on here is retarded since what's in it for you? Nothing. How do you make sociopath see that family goals and their agenda can coexist without lying repeatedly and screwing everyone over purposely. Is it possible? Or do they just need to screw people over for a sick ego boost?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the sociopath comes to view you as an ally who provides a valuable service (say- a wife with excellent social skills that will keep his profile high in a community), they are less likely to undermine you in a damaging fashion. Make it in the sociopath's self interest to behave by providing positive reinforcement for excellent behaviors. (if the sociopath is your husband/partner a spontaneous blow job in a semi exposed context is a pretty easy reinforcement, as long as you keep it intermittent and unexpected) What won't work is punishing the sociopath by withholding. You'll be devalued and dropped. Sociopaths do not respond to punishment but they do love dishing it out.

      Delete
    2. Despite popular belief, actual sociopaths are more utilitarian than what you might think. It's about using means to accomplish a desired end. Manipulating a person is, to be extreme, like manipulating a tire iron. It's not about ego when your objective of the moment is changing a tire. Some might see that as a form of megalomania or narcissism, but that only works when you see a sociopath with a typically deep emotional psyche. You are discounting and not accounting for shallow affect, or the "lack" of emotions and other aspects. Once you do, you will realize it is more functional.

      An understandable misconception, as you are trying to view it from a naturally different viewpoint.

      Delete
    3. I think that is an exercise in futility. They do not have the emotional makeup that motivates social behavior. That is why they are called 'anti-social'. Others of us feel degrees of pain like guilt, shame, embarrassment, remorse, etc which direct our behaviors out of discomfort. Because the sociopath does not have these, they cannot be motivated to do differently unless there is a desirable reward that makes it worth their while. I can't imagine a life of running in front of the sociopath holding a stick that has a carrot dangling on the end.

      Delete
    4. You're speaking to a pro-social diagnosed ASPD sociopath right now. They exist. The reward is freedom to function in society. Anti-social behavior restricts that.

      There is no risk of prison when you commit no crimes.

      Delete
    5. Research on treating children with biological markers for sociopathy indicates that there is no fear of punishment, but that to a limited extent, sociopaths are responsive to rewards. Emotional manipulation is generally more dependent on an unspoken quid pro quo than anything the sociopath would be responsive to. So I agree, Bob- manipulating a sociopath is out because if the non has any expectation of the sociopath sticking around they are sadly mistaken. That said, a non who wants to maintain a close relationship with the sociopath has to make it in the sociopath's best interest to keep them around. If that is the case, long term equilibrium is possible although in my mind not terribly desirable. Why would anyone want to invest so much in a person who would be all too willing to sell them down the river the moment there was a slight change in circumstances?

      Delete
    6. An interesting hypothetical. It depends on the scenario - it would have to be significant enough in circumstances to warrant burning bridges. I had friends that are "ex-friends" due to one circumstance or another, however I also still have friends which I have known for decades. Long term equilibrium is possible, but in that case it relates to friends instead of partners. I'm not sure if long-term partnership is feasible. Hypothetically yes, but the circumstances would have to be uniquely extraordinary.

      Delete
  25. For crying out loud, will someone twitter or email M.E. and
    put forth the idea that some of the excellent posters here
    should have revolving stewardship of this blog until she returns'
    that is, IF she ever returns.
    When one person steps aside, for whatever reason, another
    fills in for him/her at least temporarily.
    With revolving stewardship, we could see the various faces of
    sociopathy and enliven the blog. Everyone could pitch in to a
    certain extent, and the burdens of running the blog wouldn't be
    on one person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or, since she said she wants to take the summer off, everyone could go on vacation or do other things or something and come back in September when it picks back up. Taking a break is often a good thing.

      Delete
  26. It's very important that we clear up the discrepances between
    "Psychopath" and "Sociopath."
    Psychopaths are born. This can be varified through brain imagining.
    Sociopaths are made by abuse. There has been much confusion
    between the two terms. The trouble is many cluster B disorders
    are lumped together throwing off correct interpetuations.
    See the Scott A. Bonn PhD. blog Doc Bonn.Com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is deprecated use of the terms. These days, both psychopathy and sociopathy equally fall under ASPD. In fact, neither are officially supported in use anymore, due to the significant misuse and abuse of terms. On the blog, sociopathy is used instead of psychopathy because it has less misused baggage - psychopaths are, despite popular belief, not psychos. Because of this, which often muddles and derails conversation, the less used/abused term "sociopath" is used instead.

      Delete
  27. Seen from the outside: many american moviestars & politicians behave/radiate in ways they almost could serve as "examples" in manuals describing psychopaths. This is so obvious; anyone with just small knowledge about the matter can see this. And this is not, in any way, roadblocks in their careers. Communists used to scare many americans, are psychopaths homegrown "good ole boys"..?

    ReplyDelete
  28. HELLO FRIEND,
    I will love to share my testimony to you all the people in world.i got married to my husband about 2 year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side.i have never love any man in my life except him.he is the father of my child and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today.few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about DR..ERIGO how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other.i was directed to DR.ERIGO on his email: erigospellcaster@gmail.com and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband.he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK.So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him.i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact Dr.ERIGO the great spell caster on his email address: erigospellcaster@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  29. An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me.. My name is Edwin Wallace,i live in United Kngdom,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife.so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce.she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she didn't love me anymore.So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife.So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.{supremetemple@hotmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {supremetemple@hotmail.com},if">{supremetemple@hotmail.com},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr PAPAr for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again. {supremetemple@hotmail.com} or call +27611734184, Thanks..

    ReplyDelete
  30. I want to share a testimony about a spell caster who help me restore my marriage when my husband was filing for a divorce. I was looking for Spells to Stop My Divorce and Save My Marriage and a friend of mine told me about dr.savior Now because of dr.savior my husband has stop the divorce process and i am living a happy married life and also my love life is restored. Thanks for Saving My Marriage. Your love and protection marriage spells have done wonders in my entire life. I will always run to you for help; I believe your ancestral powers are beyond human imagination. You can contact him if you need his help via dr.savior02@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am Hwa Jurong, a Private Money Lender do you need a loan to start up business or to pay your bills and a corporate financial for real estate and any kinds of business financing. I also offer Loans to individuals,Firms and corporate bodies at 2% interest rate. I give out loan to serious minded people that are interested of loan if interested contact this email: hwajurong382@yahoo.com.sg or hwajurong12@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hello every body,
    Am Sharon canny want to share my testimony on how my husband came back home. My husband left home for two year after we got we hard a query I was looking for help who to get my husband back to me, I told my friend about my problem she told me that there is is a good spell cater who can help me get my husband back to me she take me there and I told the man about my
    problem and he said he is going to help me get him back I was thinking. He was joking he side I should go and in three days my husband will come back home to me. I was waiting on that day for my husband is going to come back home on that same day I was sleeping when my husband call me and told me is out side the house and I was very happy for what the great spell caster did I want you to help me thank prophet lord of spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com for bringing back my
    husband back to me. Please I know you I will need his help contact him email spiritualherbalisthealers@gmail.com he can help you I believe in help very much he is a great man.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hello i am Jacqueline Ashley ,from USA, I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my lover left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr oku the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr oku about how my ex lover left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My lover called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my lover called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr oku at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: okutemple@gmail.com. and get your problems solve like me..

    ReplyDelete

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