Friday, August 16, 2013

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll

A reader suggested that I expand my emotional horizons by taking MDMA, the pure ingredient in the drug ecstasy. I told him that it was an interesting idea, but that I sort of already manipulate myself into feeling other emotions via film, music, art, etc., and I wasn't sure if it would be all that different. I certainly don't plan on becoming an ecstasy abuser, so I wouldn’t really know how expanded my emotional horizons would be with that drug. It was an interesting question, though, and reminded me of something another reader had asked, whether sociopaths like music and what effect drugs have on a sociopath. My response:
I don't know if I can speak for all sociopaths, but I love music. I was raised in a musical home and am a classically trained musician, and have participated in many popular music groups. I would imagine that other sociopaths would like it as well, depending on how open they are to exploring their emotional side. There's no doubt that music is manipulative, as is film (primarily because of the music in it?). The whole purpose of music seems to evoke some feeling or sensation in the audience. Music makes you feel things, if you let yourself get caught up in the experience. It can be a good way to learn about other people, allowing you to experience emotional experiences the way other people experience them or the way the composer/lyricist experienced them. Music is like a drug in some ways because it forces you to feel something different, which is another one of your questions. When I am taking mind altering substances, I feel like a detached observer noticing the differences in my brain chemistry, realizing that I now feel happier or sadder or whatever it is I am feeling, as if the feeling is being forced on me. I don't really like it. I don't feel like it is a welcome freedom from my inhibitions because I don't have inhibitions. If anything, it is the opposite of freedom; someone is playing with my mind, playing with me like a puppet on a string. Maybe that's just me, though. I could imagine that certain sociopaths or certain substances might be used more like the way I use music.
Okay, no sex I guess, just drugs and rock'n'roll.

42 comments:

  1. PostmodernSociopathJuly 8, 2010 at 11:18 AM

    I've tried MDMA three times. No effect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'twas a crystl research chemical If you have real MDMA you cant not feel anything sir. 99% of US "molly" Is an imitation drug.

      Delete
  2. I like to write stories sometimes. That's because not only does it offer me a creative release, it's a good chance to toy with the emotions of others.

    Imagine this: a story about a young boy and his days at school. You get to follow him through his classes and breaks, learn his routine, find out who he likes in his classes, and hey, he's the star of the school soccer team. By that time you've already fallen in love with him much the same way everyone in the story has. As those days progress, you find out that he's discontent with his life as a child genius and is secretly jealous of his little brother who doesn't have those expectations to live up to. Then one day he sees his brother playing outside by the road. Going to check on his brother, you see that he's playing with a red ball in the middle of the street, and our hero than runs to his little brother to save him from the incoming car, and you get to see him flying through the air.

    Yes, I like to get people to fall in love with my characters, and then kill them off. It's a socially acceptable form of murder and breaking someone's heart.

    ReplyDelete
  3. PostmodernSociopathJuly 8, 2010 at 7:13 PM

    @Morrigans: I dun get it. Why would the death of a fictional character do anything but give the reader the sense that the author ran out of ideas? Do you really get that emotionally invested in imagined characters? If you want socially acceptable murder and heart-breaking, go join a PMC and blow up children's hospitals. Two birds with one rocket-propelled grenade, no?

    Also, I hope the stories you write aren't so rife with clichés as your example would suggest.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @PostmodernSociopath: I'm not the one who gets attached to the characters, my readers are. And just like when we go see a movie with all it's cliches, we usually like to relate to the main character. And as empaths tend to empathize with those characters, why not kill off someone they've become emotionally invested in?

    Thanks for the PMC tip, I'll look into it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mayor of massachussetAugust 16, 2013 at 5:33 PM

      ur an idiot

      but please do join our pan massachusset challenge we need more bikers this year

      Delete
  5. Some sort of stringed instrument... on accounts of picking callouses off of fingertips after fucking - reference the seductee posts.

    Might I add, that's a rather disgusting practice that should be done in solitude...

    Not that m.e. would care about that sort of affect...

    Pick away, player.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is what came to mind after reading this post. It's one of my favorite versions. Enjoy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47doTBMFZE4

    ReplyDelete
  7. Morrigans if you know anything about story telling you also know you can influence the subconscious thoughts of readers. This sense of control is addictive.

    Btw I did not emotionally invest in that character. I'd be glad to see that one die. If you are going to kill off a character kill off a hero, not the guy everyone secretly hates or is jealous of.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "Do you really get that emotionally invested in imagined characters? If you want socially acceptable murder and heart-breaking, go join a PMC and blow up children's hospitals. Two birds with one rocket-propelled grenade, no?"

    That made me LOL <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. Morrigans:"Yes, I like to get people to fall in love with my characters, and then kill them off. It's a socially acceptable form of murder and breaking someone's heart."

    You are a genius.

    Please make a book and break many hearts, for the lulz.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've taken MDMA several times and it is an indeed experience as a sociopath, though like every other recreational drug it's simply a cheap thrill void of any real lasting impression. Now LSD on the other hand....

    ReplyDelete
  11. music is like a drug in some ways because it forces you to feel something different, which is another one of your questions. when i am taking mind altering substances, i feel like a detached observer noticing the differences in my brain chemistry, realizing that i now feel happier or sadder or whatever it is i am feeling, as if the feeling is being forced on me.

    i love this post.

    when i listen to music it can feel invasive, overwhelming, as if the emotion is wrenched from the core of my being, and i've never understood how people can listen to music non-stop the way they do, to one song pounding away after another. it would drive me mad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha. It's kind of like being an empath. Now imagine that 24/7 only less pleasant. You get used to it. :)

      Delete
  12. oh fuck. im going to stop listening that much to radiohead. but its that the emotion of being reflexive, sad, is kind of addictive too. im adicted to lot of things, and emotions are one of it.

    but then i can hear a "drum & bass" song (175bpm) and feel how that sad emotion quickly dissapears, and i start being euforic. my confidence boosts, and i start making rationalizations in my head "you are awwsome" etc and suddenly, im ready to go to the party, have fun, alcohol, cigarretes, drugs, sex.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm the one who sent the email. Here's an excerpt of what I wrote:

    Hello M.E.

    I have been following your blog, on and off, since the early days of its existence. I would like to invite you to engage in a challenge / experiment. I suspect that by taking a sufficient dose of MDMA, you will temporarily experience what it's like to be an "empath". MDMA is the pure ingredient in the drug ecstasy. When "empaths" take it, it vastly increases their love, compassion, good-will, kindness, etc. Strangers and even enemies become intimate friends. If you took MDMA, likely you would not experience such feelings to that degree of intensity. But I believe you would experience a "normal" level of compassion, love, etc.

    I know you don't see your sociopathy as a problem and have no desire to become an "empath". But perhaps you would be interested in trying MDMA as an experiment to see whether or not it would do what I suspect it would, and also to get a glimpse of what it's like to be an "empath". The results of this experiment would certainly make for an interesting blog entry!

    Are you up for such a challenge? If so, here's some advice.

    1. Do not take ecstasy. Take pure MDMA. (In general, ecstasy comes in a pill and MDMA comes in a powder. But make sure to ask for pure MDMA and to get it from someone you trust not to rip you off.)

    2. Do a large dose. MDMA, like alcohol, works in proportion to body weight. I have read on harm reduction websites that 2mg of MDMA per kg of your body weight is a good ratio for a safe but intense high. However, take note that MDMA has a more potent effect on females relative to males, due to hormonal differences in our brains related to oxytocin. So, as a male, you always want to skew upwards a little. Plus, if you're a sociopath, you probably want to take a much higher than average dose, to make sure it effects you. This shouldn't be a problem for you, since sociopaths are known for their enjoyment of risk taking! (Not to spoil your fun, but MDMA is a relatively safe drug, even at higher than recommended doses.)

    3. In order to increase your chances of experiencing compassion, love, etc., you should do more than merely take the MDMA and sit back and let the high take its course. Below are some recommendations of things you can do to increase your chances of having the "empath" experience.


    [Highlights of those recommendations in next post...]

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm the one who sent the email. Here's an excerpt:

    Hello M.E.

    I have been following your blog, on and off, since the early days of its existence. I would like to invite you to engage in a challenge / experiment. I suspect that by taking a sufficient dose of MDMA, you will temporarily experience what it's like to be an "empath". MDMA is the pure ingredient in the drug ecstasy. When "empaths" take it, it vastly increases their love, compassion, good-will, kindness, etc. Strangers and even enemies become intimate friends. If you took MDMA, likely you would not experience such feelings to that degree of intensity. But I believe you would experience a "normal" level of compassion, love, etc.

    I know you don't see your sociopathy as a problem and have no desire to become an "empath". But perhaps you would be interested in trying MDMA as an experiment to see whether or not it would do what I suspect it would, and also to get a glimpse of what it's like to be an "empath". The results of this experiment would certainly make for an interesting blog entry!

    Are you up for such a challenge? If so, here's some advice.

    1. Do not take ecstasy. Take pure MDMA. (In general, ecstasy comes in a pill and MDMA comes in a powder. But make sure to ask for pure MDMA and to get it from someone you trust not to rip you off.)

    2. Do a large dose. MDMA, like alcohol, works in proportion to body weight. I have read on harm reduction websites that 2mg of MDMA per kg of your body weight is a good ratio for a safe but intense high. However, take note that MDMA has a more potent effect on females relative to males, due to hormonal differences in our brains related to oxytocin. So, as a male, you always want to skew upwards a little. Plus, if you're a sociopath, you probably want to take a much higher than average dose, to make sure it effects you. This shouldn't be a problem for you, since sociopaths are known for their enjoyment of risk taking! (Not to spoil your fun, but MDMA is a relatively safe drug, even at higher than recommended doses.)

    3. In order to increase your chances of experiencing compassion, love, etc., you should do more than merely take the MDMA and sit back and let the high take its course. Below are some recommendations of things you can do to increase your chances of having the "empath" experience.


    [Highlights of those recommendations in next post...]

    ReplyDelete
  15. [shit... sorry for the double post]

    > Have one or more people with you during your MDMA experience who you are on 'friendly' terms with (who consider you their friend, and who you might consider your friend). Try to choose people who you think you would feel affinity, affection, friendship-love, etc. for, were you to have access to such feelings.

    > Reflect on the people (or animals) who you have caused pain/suffering to during your life. Try to imagine how they might feel. Dwell on this, and see how you react.

    > Watching sad movies (fictional), especially movies which depict people’s experiences with aftermath of victimization and trauma.

    > Watching documentaries which show the suffering of people. Topics such as war, genocide, famine, homelessness, domestic violence, child abuse, rape, etc. It would be best to avoid abstract, analytical, information-heavy documentaries, and to instead use documentaries that focus on portraying the personal suffering of the victims.

    > Watching documentaries which show the abuse of animals by humans. This may be especially effective given the fact that the participants have (hopefully) established a fond connection with an animal. Ideally, the participant should have a few minutes to interact with the animal before watching the documentary, and the animal should be in the room (maybe even on their lap) while the participant watches the documentary. Two documentaries I recommend are “Meet Your Meat” (which is only 12 minutes, and can be found on YouTube) and “Earthlings” (a feature length film which can also be found on YouTube). Both are extremely potent in their ability to evoke sympathy in even the relatively cold-hearted.

    > Holding and petting the animal they have established a caring connection with while imagining the animal being hurt and abused by someone.

    > Looking at pictures of people they have a relationship with in their lives (their kids, etc.) and imagining them being hurt or abused by someone.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Like the first person to comment, i have used MDMA and ecstasy both and neither one gave me any kind of emotional response. I took it with a friend and he felt it so i know it was good stuff. It made my body feel a little bit more... idk, perky. But mentally i was just a little bit more hyper, definitely no euphoria.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'twas a crystl research chemical If you have real MDMA you cant not feel anything sir. 99% of US "molly" Is an imitation drug.

      Mephedrone
      Methylone
      4-MEC

      Delete
  17. OK. What do you sociopaths think about this song?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JBtSef4mxU&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  18. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JBtSef4mxU&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm sorry but whatever you get from listening to music or whatever that stirs you is not even close to anything you get from drugs. Now listening to music on drugs is a different story...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Get your euphoria from God Socios. That's my best advice. God will make you feel euphoric at times, then combine god with shrooms and mdma and there's your cure for a sociopath. The people who say there is no cure are idiots. Sociopaths are just demon possessed because they allowed it to happen with their own greed and ignorance. It's normal, we all go through it at one point. Just so you guys know, no man told me this info. I got it from god. You all have the same source, you are the same as me, no one is better than anyone else, nor different. There are good spirits and negative ones. We are here to learn and rise above the negative. Sociopaths are just on a lower level than spirtual people. No one is doomed to hell forever and "God" is whatever you believe it is. You do not need to believe in religion and definitely dont believe what you read without verifying with your inner self if it is true or not. God works through your inner self. So does the devil (just using words to make it simple, as english language was purposely flawed) so it's your choice what you wish to embrace. We all have the ultimate power to control our demons. Sociopaths just dont know how to fight it becuase they arent even aware they are possessed. So you need to know this stuff if you want some help. Although even for the laziest of souls who never take responsibility for being human or whatever species they are, god will come and save them one day..as they are all his creations. God and the demons are also one and the same, all part of the same creation and the beautiful master plan. Deception is an art, but just a lower form of art. The higher form of art (which we will chose to call "God" for simple) is much and far more brighter and beautiful than the lower art(Devil for ease) and therefore ANYONE who connects with god, will find it nearly impossible to ever make the choice to go back to ignorance(evil) but we are here to learn. Not many are perfect. True love is our goal. It lasts forever. Dont judge anyone but yourself, make sure to forgive everyone or else you have not yet forgiven yourself. You cause more damage to yourself by trying to get revenge. Only weak souls who allow evil to control them will try to get revenge. Nobody is forced to do this. You have the choice, but you need to wake up and learn. Only way to learn is to activate your soul(Conscience) within you. Only way to do that is to believe and wish for it to happen. Would you rather be good, evil or neutral (meaning you dont care) If you picked any other than good, then you become evil. Not caring is ignorant and evil. So neutral is the starting point for evil I assume. Ask to be good and I guarantee you will transform. Come back and thank me later I promise this will prove to you god is real. He works through your mind. With your own mind you can beat any demon. All mental illness is, is demons and there certainly is a cure. Anyone who thinks there is no cure does NOT believe in god, regardless of if they act like they do or not.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The proof god exists can be explained in words if scientists can understand this-

    Ok if they were right, and this is all "mental illness" or just a disease with no cure, then how would the "Mind"(god) be able to cure it? That is the higher power right there. I can prove to any atheist or scientist that god exists. Just take part in my experiment.

    Step 1- Ask god or something for help. Ask to be good, and even if you don't understand what it feels like, just do it for the "better" of others. If you truly wish to do bad, then obviously you are posssessed by a higher power. Why the fuck would something come into this world and wish "bad" on people for no logical reason? This should tell you something higher is at work here....there are tons of reasons why we are here, to learn all kinds of things before we rise to the ultimate ecstasy. Right now we are ALL in hell, except for a select few who know how to transcend reality. Meditation is great. Shrooms can bring you to a different dimension with higher doses (Ive done it) Try DMT if you're a socio. Then come back and tell me you still don't care about people.

    lol don't be afraid. this experiment will prove to anyone who is not afraid to see the truth that there is another power out there that is able to accomplish absolutely anything you can think(want). This is why dark power exists because the mind is the ultimate power and capable of anything. Also without dark you couldn't know what light is. Just wait till you sociopaths rise into the light, you are going to feel alive and amazing for the first time. You will be filled with so much love, but first you must go through the "judgement" stage, which is as bad as you make it for yourself. God never judges anyone, except through you. So the word "God" is misleading as hell, as he is not some "God" sitting on a throne, he is everything and anything. He is the ultimate highest power in the universe that knows all and love is eternal. Hate is only temporary. That is why Hate is not truly real. Just an illusion or reflection of the love.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The reason WHY scientists WONT understand what I just wrote, when it is 100% clear to those who believe in higher power(God) is because they are blind to it. This right here is proof of a higher power (The fact that they are blind and NO WORDS can prove to them) Only THEY can find the answer (The answer is a feeling and KNOWINGNESS of god existing without needing to provide an explanation) So, in other words, God did this on purpose. He made sure NO ONE could believe in him based on what another said. If they did, it was out of fear (Bible) and that is not believing in god. Christians do not believe in god, they just act like they do because they are afraid to burn for eternity (lol)

    So its totally obvious if no man can help another man become unblind, that there is a higher power. I used to be a sociopath. i am transformed to one of the nicest, most forgiving people ever. I now have the holy spirt inside me, instead of evil. I still have my demons which i am working on, such as gambling, greed, etc but I know the secrets to rise above this and with time we all definitely will.

    Best of luck to all of you, I hope my info at least helps you take a step in the right direction. The fact that any of you even post here is a start, and it's better than just not caring at all. Even if you do it for selfish reasons, selfish people are on a higher level than lazy ignorant people.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I did Ecstasy once with a man, that was a sociopath.

    That is how I knew who he was. He felt nothing. He did eat my pussy, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was the funniest thing I've read all day.
      Sounds like you had a great night at least.

      But you knew he was a sociopath because ecstasy did nothing? Seriously?

      Delete
    2. We were dating and I wanted to curl up on him and snuggle him. He paced back and force and said nothing romantic or loving. He was as cold as ever.

      It was not the LOVE drug it is known as.

      Delete
    3. I'm amused at your conclusion as well, and inclined to think you simply got ripped off. Years and years ago, I undertook the experiment: my personality change was so striking that people who knew me commented that I should be on that substance all of the time; admitting in their own intoxicated states that they thought of me as a 'cold, heartless bastard.' Even the person I was dating at the time stated that he'd felt negative about our future, as I was a 'distant' person, until that night, when he 'finally saw my kinder side.' It was highly illuminating.

      I did not like the feeling of being altered so fundamentally (and I was very weary the next day) and I noticed that the 'pay-off' diminished with frequent repetition, so I stopped using it in rather short order.

      Certainly everyone's brain's chemistry is not identical, but for what it is worth, I was diagnosed, and my supplier was superb. I think a more moderate, time-released dosage could have potential for some of us, possibly, but I don't see the NHS or DEA supporting the legalisation of MDMA anytime soon.

      I actually read where a study somewhere came to similar conclusions as anonymous, but I was very sceptical, given my personal experience. If I recall correctly, the study was done in a prison or psychiatric hospital, so I thought perhaps the dismal environment put a damper on the mood-lifting effects of the drug, thus skewing the results.

      Delete
    4. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICA AND UKANSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

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      Delete
  24. I feel bad for you young kids today. You don't know REAL art, quality
    music and motion pictures. The only upside is that you can acess these
    things via the computer.
    It was actually better when SOME things were censored, because the people
    creating the art were challenged to get around the censorship barrier. They
    were compelled to be MORE creative and imaginative to produce the product.
    When you couldn't show EVERYTHING you could make allusions to "controversal"
    social problems.
    The best T.V. show in history was the original Star Trek, which ran for
    1967 to 1969. Though the show was set 200 years in the future, in a
    utopian age, the subtle themes of the show pertained to contempary
    problems of alienation and nationalism. It's interesting that no matter
    how far the characters pressed out into space, they always ran into
    versions of humans, with human problems. Alternative Earths. The show
    seems crude by today's standards, but for those sensative enough to
    grasp the optimastic message of the show,it struck a nerve. Who wouldn't
    want to envison an optimastic utopian future for mankind?
    Those of us alive at the time of the original Star Trek have to profess
    disapointment in the way things turned out. The year 2000 was to usher in
    so many wonderful advancements. People thought just make it to the year
    2000, and we will be in a "brave new world."
    When the show was originally concieved, it's creater Gene Roddenbury
    postulated that mankind would overcome it's state of "intolerance" in
    200 years, so that's why there would be a "Starfleet." He was pressed
    to call the ship The United States Enterprise but held firm that the ship
    would be called The United Space Ship Enterprise. All of those alien
    characters working together.
    The show was "light years" ahead of it's time, and naturally provoked a
    lot of ire from network excetivives who were only consened with the
    financial bottom line. It was shoved out of it's time slot by a show
    called "Rowan and Martin's Laugh In," which quickly became the number 1
    show on T.V. due to it's riskay themes and spirited social commentary.
    Phlospher John Paul Sartre said, "Hell is other people." That's why
    we're not exploring the universe NOW and buzzing around in space ships.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. very interesting.....

      but schtooopid.

      please tell me you get that.

      Delete
  25. I'm really not into music. I never listen to music stations on the radio, only news and spoken word stations. I rarely listen to any recorded music alone. Sometimes I listen to something new, but rapidly get bored, and I really cannot listen to stuff I have heard several times already.
    When I am with other people they like to listen to music, so I get to hear music quite often, but I either tolerate it or try to ignore it.
    Live music, like in a bar or at a festival is better because there is more going on than just the music, so the wider "event" can be fun.
    I used to listen to music when I was much younger but found even then that my taste was very narrow and I would get into one band for a bit, then get bored and not be able to listen to them any more.
    Nobody who I know gets this. Is it really just me?
    Now drugs on the other hand... I particularly dig hallucinogens.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm a sociopath. 21. Female,
    Go to festivals every weekend. I have a reputation as the most considerate, compassionate, loving, generous and all round nice person around. I have a great deal of power and influence because of this perception. However, certain weekends, when I'm lacking the energy to continue the act, I take some MDMA. Works like a fucking charm, every time. It's like I have this overwhelming amount of "love" that I want to force onto others. Always leaves me tired and very hungry for the next few days.I highly recommend it for when you start to forget how to be "nice"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VEGITOPATH MADLY IN LOVE WITH MONICA AND UKANSeptember 26, 2013 at 5:03 PM

      TEHEEEEEE MEE WANT TOO BEE RAVEESHED BY MONEECA AND UKAN








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      Delete
  27. This sheds a brighter light on something I had already suspected.
    A psychopath I knew, was trying to get me to try MDMA with him. He was damn frantic about it, like those "I found Jesus" types and he kept repeating how it made him "feel" and how it "can make you a better person". I was all "Fuck that, just don't be an asshole", but he just kept on going... Kind of like Jehovas Witness or something. I kept saying I don't want to, for even pot makes me psychotic (drugs have different effect on different people), but he kept on going trying to "make me see the light". I suspected he might try and drug me without my knowledge, so later he could go and say "See, I told you so, you need to be grateful!".

    I made an oath to myself that if he were to drug me without my knowledge, regardless to if I'd get a kick from it or not, I would march to the nearest police station and open the flood gates. I sometimes regret I kept telling him I'm not interested in doing drugs, and didn't get to the point and let him drug me. I'd get a kick out of watching him sweat off in an interrogation room then losing his practice license and made a felon, draining his finances on defense lawyers... While I'd be "the victim".

    Yeah, would be fun watching someone who thinks they're so high and mighty, crumble into dust because of arrogance and taking "I don't want to" for "I want you to medicate me because I'm incapable of making my own decisions, so you go ahead and make them for me - without my knowledge".

    ReplyDelete
  28. M.E., did you try MDMA and do the 'empathy exercises' that Anonymous suggested? How did it go? Very curious to hear the update.

    ReplyDelete
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