Monday, August 12, 2013

Successful female sociopath

I thought this was a very interesting portrait of another successful sociopath from a recent comment that also seemed creepily similar to my own life story. She talks about her path to success, her bisexuality, her bout with cancer, recognizing one of her doctors as a fellow sociopath (whom she ruined), her instrumental view of relationships, among other entertaining tidbits:

I am an older sociopath with a terminal illness, I am female, a retired law professor, bi sexual - and predatory too - when I want something enough or I want to have some fun. 

I always knew I was different. I have clear memories from before I was able to walk, which I did at 9 months, so was alert and conscious very early. I was also a third child, with a non-maternal mother and a father who was often absent, but sociable. Both parents had high levels of hypocrisy. Like you I was trained to look beneath the surface at a young age. 

I was cleverer than those around me, and looked at issues from a perspective not often shared by others. This was a boost academically and professionally as it meant I was 10-20 steps ahead, as I had coolly considered all permutations, not just the socially acceptable or obvious ones. I was always able to get children around me to do things for me and I enjoyed manipulating them. I was incredulous when very young about how easy it was to get others to do what I wanted them to do. By the time I was around 10 years old I knew it was not a common way of being. I could also lie straight to adults without them detecting it. I learned to say "the right thing" as it was always too easy to work out what people wanted. I had a slew of aunts who loved hearing I wanted to be eg., a nurse so I could "help people." I had no intention of being a nurse and sick people always repulsed me, so by a very young age I was lying to curry social favours. I always knew I was lying. There was no self delusion about it. I enjoyed getting away with it.

It has been interesting going through a life threatening illness [cancer] as a sociopath. Doctors and other health professionals are nonplussed at my lack of tears or panic for example and my interest in details that are important to me, but not to 99.9% of patients. Apparently 99.9% of patients go through these stages of grieving. I didn't. It certainly saved a lot of time on pointless emotions. I also never had a "why me" moment. Why not me? I wasn't born with a get out of jail free card and statistically it was always on the cards. 

Many cancer staff felt relaxed as a result of my matter of fact presentation, lack of hysterics and self deprecating gallows humour. Part of my motivation was to get them to do more things for me, but also I enjoyed the thought that if they thought they liked me, they would be more upset when I died and would never forget someone they thought of as a stoic, funny and engaging patient. 

During the course of my treatment I was referred to a Radiation Oncologist who I recognised immediately as a fellow sociopath. He let one comment slip as he thought I was a not particularly bright patient. The one comment/slip gave me my opportunity. Interestingly he did not detect me at the time, but as I questioned him later about the medical advice he had imparted and queried the statistical and other reasons for his treatment recommendations, he may have slowly cottoned on. It was fun putting him through the wringer especially as he had not even bothered to pay lip service to informed consent... and I had a witness, who was a hospital employee. He left the hospital's employ soon after. I had him on toast and he did not like it being exposed in front of his colleagues. 

I was about to leave a long term [10 years] female partner when I was diagnosed with cancer. She is very service oriented, so it suits me to stay with her now as I know I don't have to bother with shopping, cooking, cleaning, bills etc. The woman I was considering leaving her for would not have been as attentive and did not have as large an annual income or the selfless mentality which would keep me more comfortable when ill. It was a cold blooded and practical assessment of how to ensure I was best advantaged.

33 comments:

  1. This is what I would say to your Mystery Woman if I
    could speak to her:
    Dear Mystery Woman:
    You say that you've been told that you're "terminal."
    you are NOT terminal. "Terminal" is only a word.
    Don't believe in words. There are many people who have
    been diagonsed as "terminal" who are still with us,
    and many who were thought to be "healthy" that are gone.
    Only God knows the date of your death. A good case in
    point is the actress Valery Harper. She was told she
    had only mounths to live and shes still going strong. Other examples are Nelson Mandella who was
    thought to be close to death, and the country singer
    Travis Tritt, who suffered a stroke, was also given
    up for dead and is on the mend.
    There is a simple solution to your delemma. You have
    to develop a new design for living. Recast your life
    without the Cancer. Develop a new idenity that has
    no room for the cancer.
    I knew a man that was also diagnosed as "terminal."
    He revamped his life completely. He divorced his
    wife, changed his occupation, did the things he wanted to. He restructured his life as though the
    "old cancer self" never existed. Since he became a
    new person the cancer had no place to remain. If
    you "buy" into the idea that you are a "cancer victim" subconscienely you'll believe it and you'll
    die from it.
    There was a once a scientific experiment. A termanal
    man was told the "new" medicine he recieved was a
    "cure" for cancer. He believed it and recovered.
    Next, he was told it wasn't a cure after all. The
    cancer returned. No, it WAS a cure. The cancer went
    away again. Finally, he surcomed to cancer when he
    was told the medicine was fake.
    A professional, accomplished person like yourself
    has many options. Choose a healthy new version of
    yourself and the cancer will have no place to
    reside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting as a follower of the blog who feels compelled to offer comforting support to one who expresses no grief or sorrow at her situation.

      Delete
    2. It shouldn't be too surprising. Just because this is a blog about sociopaths doesn't mean there are only sociopaths reading it. More than a few people here are uber-empaths.

      Delete
  2. I thought that this post was a work of genius.
    I just posted a bit about my meaning of happiness as a socio.
    Like this individual, I have stayed with someone because they are my back up and take care of the household finances.
    Genetically, I will get hit with something sooner or later, it is in the cards, but I will not serving myself. i will simply jump on her insurance and do what I want after our house is paid off next year.
    As a woman and a socio, I like myself. I know what I want, which goes against the confused American identity in which people buy billions of dollars of self help crap trying to find themselves.
    I hate my job in education, but again, one year until this house is payed off. Urban education is fun, you have potential socios in students, but due to the inability to focus and lack of nutrition and money, you don't get too much out of them.
    The kids become more towards the Aspergers realm.
    Education is great for a socio and a woman- in two minutes, you tell a teacher how wonderful you are, soon the building loves you. You get gifts, cards, etc. As I stated in another area of the forum, my letters of recc. make it seem like I am the next coming, but the truth is that they don't know me at all.
    I know BS when I see it, I could be Holden Caulfield to a certain extent, but I am not out of control, but calculating.
    I do not waste too much energy on my friends unless I want something like company, then I will reach out. I keep in touch via calendar and reach out on a 15 minute phone call asking about family, etc.
    I love my dogs, worship them, they are the only things that I am completely dedicated to that breathe and another reason that I stay with her. They will be taken care of.
    Last thing- when I was a child, really young, I asked what "INC" meant and someone told me that it meant incorporated...and explained to me what a company was....so instead of having imaginary friends, I had board meetings with my imaginary friends where, as a child, I would talk about what I wanted and how to get it....where to hide money from my addicted mother, how to get more food and milk at school and figure out what I could steal from the store.
    Happy memories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cute, you're a socio, but you don't strike me as very smart, don't mess up your cold calculations! Your mimicking of the writer is a little obvious, oh oh me too me too!.
      A common theme in this blog is over diagnosis of aspergers, I agree that it seems to be the new ADHD

      Question - you express love for your dogs, if I was to cut one of their legs off while you were tied up, how would the experience affect you. What if I ate the leg as well?

      I'm curious how you might react, maybe even to reading my reply.

      Delete
    2. "Question - you express love for your dogs, if I was to cut one of their legs off while you were tied up, how would the experience affect you. What if I ate the leg as well?"

      You are truly disturbed. And you know it, don't you? You take bride in it as well. Don't worry I've had similar ideations. I remember the first time I watched the show Dexter and thinking, "You know, that might be fun" though of course I have enough restraint not to act on those thoughts. As I am sure you do as well, but it is fun to imagine.

      Delete
    3. "The kids become more towards the Aspergers realm."

      Are you sure you haven't become more towards the ASS-BURGERS realm?
      nyuk nyuk nyuk

      Seriously though, this reads more like (at best) "True Confessions of an Objectivist" and (at worst) "Narcissistic Assholes Speak Out" than anything one would expect from an actual sociopath.

      Delete
  3. Idk, i aint no socio but if i had c and knew i'd shortly be incapacitated, I'd prob do the same and stay with the person who gave me better quality of life. It would be very calculated. Unless the person i was with made my mental quality of life a hindrance to my possible recovery, there wouldn't be a question.

    Most Important to take care of stress levels, imo.

    I would think very clearly. If i had any notion that the new love would give me new-relationship-stress or demand me to be as giving and loving as i was before my real disability occurred, i would certainly not risk losing both partners. I wouldn't fuck around and gamble with a new partner.

    But would i fuck around with the potential new lover? Maybe. In The show "the c word" she has affairs because life is too short not to go for things you just always wanted to do. Who the fuck knows what we're capable of when our life is on the line?

    I don't see anything socioesque about the decisions around the cancer. Practicality abt self preservation would trump a bunch of decisions for any normal person. I think the point of the post is just that....there are times a sociopath will act just like everyone else.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you have bad grammar. any chance you could proof read a bit more?

      Delete
    2. ".....there are times a sociopath will act just like everyone else."

      That's just it. In many ways we are just like everyone else. We like to think of ourselves as incomparably different, but we aren't. We're people too, just like very body else.

      Delete
    3. Lol! Jon, if you are a sociopath, then I am a fucking Himalayan sherpa.

      Delete
    4. Care to elaborate on what brought you to that conclusion? Or do you just prefer to hide your insecurities by passing judgment on other people? If the latter is the case then I guess an explanation isn't really necessary.

      Delete
    5. And what makes you think I'm not really a sherpa with a sex addiction?

      Pretty much everything you've said so far (and the way you said it) has lead to the conclusion that you are one of the most textbook narcissists I have seen in a while, not a sociopath.

      Go ahead, prove me wrong, Jon.
      And don't start that bullshit that they are essentially the same thing because they overlap on some things. Humans and chimps might share 96% of DNA, but I dare say there are some striking differences, in most cases anyway ;)

      Delete
    6. Well I'll start by saying I am most definitely a narcissist. I will also go on to say that I have only ever admitted to being a subclinical psychopath. Meaning that while I do have more psychopathic traits then the average person and to such a degree that they could be considered maladaptive or problematic I do not fit the full criteria for diagnosis. You might benefit from reading the book "Almost A Psychopath". It is truthfully very informative.

      You seem to have an unhealthy infatuation with me. We seem to be running into each other all over this blog. I'm flattered you've taken such an interest in me. ;)

      Delete
  4. Sorry if there is bad grammar in this, I will devote my life to proofreading this.
    As I stated before, this entry was a work of genius.
    What a noble way of looking at death or becoming ill.
    I thought about this individual today and the honesty that exudes from this post.
    There is so little of it in the world.


    Apparently 99.9% of patients go through these stages of grieving. I didn't. It certainly saved a lot of time on pointless emotions. I also never had a "why me" moment. Why not me? I wasn't born with a get out of jail free card and statistically it was always on the cards.

    Wow...that is courage.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry if there is bad grammar in this, I will devote my life to proofreading this.
      As I stated before, this entry was a work of genius.

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

      Delete
    2. THis reader is obviously just a feminist in sheep;s clothing.

      Delete
    3. And this anonymous commenter is obviously Monica :)

      Delete
    4. That is NOT courage. Courage requires the presence of fear, which the writer already stated did not exist.

      Delete
  5. I feel this place is barren.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it's the company in this womb.

      Delete
    2. I like you. Taste like chicken.

      Delete
    3. Not enough intellectual stimulation for your taste? Well I think I could agree with you there. Care to strike up a meaningful conversation?

      Delete
    4. Nicolette CeaușescuMay 28, 2014 at 5:18 PM

      Barin' to go? Not quite.

      Delete
  6. Hmmm, the "band wagon fallacy" aside, both the thread topic and subsequent commentary are laden with Narcissistic overtones.
    Still waiting to see a posting from a more sincere psychologically pathological type.
    Please continue...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, because this is Sincerity World.

      Idiot.

      Delete
    2. Nicolette CeaușescuMay 28, 2014 at 5:16 PM

      I loled.

      Delete
  7. Meh. The article is dumb. Blathering on about how great this woman thinks she is. Bor-ing. Your specialness is lost on me. Success? Hey, if getting doctors on the ropes and fired so you can feel puffed-up and successful, and being an internet creeper (read: anonymous Successful Female Socio poster) is your idea of success, well then who am I to argue with your brilliance!

    ReplyDelete
  8. A retired law professor would write better than the person who blathered this fetid ooze. For a forum full of putative liars this is a pretty boring place, full of ditto-headed, self-pathologizing assholes. Is every selfish asshole now a sociopath? Just like every marriage is prostitution, unless it's sociopathically empowered manipulation or victimhood? Tawk about niche marketing. I should use a different browser and check out what kind of ads this site delivers. Ciaoșescu, asspus-wipers! :^}

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's slightly awkward to claim exceptional intelligence and then make a mistake like, "he may have slowly cottoned on."

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a tremendously interesting read .... I'm off for a crap now

    ReplyDelete

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