Sunday, February 28, 2016

Whole vs. wholesome

It's interesting to me that the word whole can mean such different things than wholesome. Wholeness is being exactly all of whatever one is. Wholesome has come to mean good, ethical, moral, etc. I think it's fair to say that society has a general preference, which is that it would rather people be wholesome than whole.

I was reading again a series of articles about Parker Palmer, articles that I know I had read before not more than 6 months or a year ago, but now that I've graduated to every other week therapy, I know exactly what he is talking about.

First, about the conflict between what society wants and what is best for the individual (to be one's true self, whole and complete and in the form that is the most true expression of one's "soul", whatever that means exactly):

For “it” is the objective, ontological reality of selfhood that keeps us from reducing ourselves, or each other, to biological mechanisms, psychological projections, sociological constructs, or raw material to be manufactured into whatever society needs — diminishments of our humanity that constantly threaten the quality of our lives.

(See above link for more on how we know that each person has a unique identity/soul.)

Why do we abandon our inborn identity in favor of a construct, made by society, and our parents, and friend, and ourselves and any other person who has ever had expectations of us to be or do a particular thing?

As teenagers and young adults, we learned that self-knowledge counts for little on the road to workplace success. What counts is the “objective” knowledge that empowers us to manipulate the world. Ethics, taught in this context, becomes one more arm’s-length study of great thinkers and their thoughts, one more exercise in data collection that fails to inform our hearts.

I value ethical standards, of course. But in a culture like ours — which devalues or dismisses the reality and power of the inner life — ethics too often becomes an external code of conduct, an objective set of rules we are told to follow, a moral exoskeleton we put on hoping to prop ourselves up. The problem with exoskeletons is simple: we can slip them off as easily as we can don them.

[…]

When we understand integrity for what it is, we stop obsessing over codes of conduct and embark on the more demanding journey toward being whole. 

Palmer tells of his own experience with this:

I lined up the loftiest ideals I could find and set out to achieve them. The results were rarely admirable, often laughable, and sometimes grotesque… I had simply found a “noble” way to live a life that was not my own, a life spent imitating heroes instead of listening to my heart.

[…]

My youthful understanding of “Let your life speak” led me to conjure up the highest values I could imagine and then try to conform my life to them whether they were mine or not. If that sounds like what we are supposed to do with values, it is because that is what we are too often taught. There is a simplistic brand of moralism among us that wants to reduce the ethical life to making a list, checking it twice — against the index in some best-selling book of virtues, perhaps — and then trying very hard to be not naughty but nice.

There may be moments in life when we are so unformed that we need to use values like an exoskeleton to keep us from collapsing. But something is very wrong if such moments recur often in adulthood. Trying to live someone else’s life, or to live by an abstract norm, will invariably fail — and may even do great damage.

What is the damage in this?

Afraid that our inner light will be extinguished or our inner darkness exposed, we hide our true identities from each other. In the process, we become separated from our own souls. We end up living divided lives, so far removed from the truth we hold within that we cannot know the “integrity that comes from being what you are.”
***
Here is the ultimate irony of the divided life: live behind a wall long enough, and the true self you tried to hide from the world disappears from your own view! The wall itself and the world outside it become all that you know. Eventually, you even forget that the wall is there — and that hidden behind it is someone called “you.”

How an external standard of behavior, no matter how "ethical" or "good" is not a longterm, stable solution (substitute "vocation" for any other externally imposed restriction on behavior or self-expression):

If the self seeks not pathology but wholeness, as I believe it does, then the willful pursuit of vocation is an act of violence toward ourselves — violence in the name of a vision that, however lofty, is forced on the self from without rather than grown from within. True self, when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth. Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about — quite apart from what I would like it to be about — or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions.

What is the solution?

Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.

Do this even at the cost of ruffling feathers, of not conforming to what society demands, of being persecuted and hated for who you are, yes -- and speaking form experience, there really is no other viable choice.  

133 comments:

  1. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    CMON M.E. RECONNECT THE BLOG TO SC ALREADY!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marvellous article, M.E.

    "When we understand integrity for what it is, we stop obsessing over codes of conduct and embark on the more demanding journey toward being whole. "

    There is such power in this simple sentence. True power that is within the self and not dependent on the actions of others.

    The way I have explained it is to feel and think naturally. Allow yourself to be. Once you have honoured yourself by listening to those internal impulses, you are free to choose a wise path based on your understanding of moral context and your rational judgement.

    This is how I am growing into wholeness, how I safely operate in the understanding of society as a context and not a constraint.

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  3. Thank you, M.E.!!!

    Socioempath-

    You know what this article reminds me of???

    Tool's "46 & 2", baby!!!

    Do you have another poem for me today???

    ~Vegas

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  4. Thank you for this excellent blog post, M.E.. I really appreciate it. I would like to ruminate upon this and likely add some of my own commentary on the topic at a later time; the hour is late and I wish to sleep. I'm going to spend muchnof tomorrow getting business done and spending time with my loved one, who as I would best understand as of the moment fully embraces me for who I really am, psychopathy and all. I take the "good" and the "bad" of him too; as we look at the blunt facts, there is nothing objectively wrong with pedophilia (I define that as sexual attraction to those significantly younger, ignoring defining it by, say, attraction to those below the age of consent/adulthood as per local laws which is subjective and based on context of environment, etc. as I best understand it), and I accept this facet of him and love him regardless, as all parts of him are worth loving.

    ESTP Sociopath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you're a minor who spends time with a "loved one" who admits to being a pedophile?

      Delete
    2. Didn't ESTP mention he is 19 a while back? Is that classed a minor? Is there a problem by default with having a paedophile for a friend [especially if they aren't acting on those inclinations]?

      The age of consent ranges from 13 [Portugal] to 18 [Sweden] I think; probably a good example of that 'prosthetic moral compass' you talk about often (but for normative society generally).

      As regards ESTP, his flowery, over-elaborate language, and the way he picks up on stances commentators here take, which he then assimilates and expands on, suggests meybe he's either totally fake and a undergrad psych student having a good laugh, or maybe even autistic and not wanting to accept the fact; so is desperately trying to prove to himself he's sociopathic (came across this weird behaviour recently).

      I don't believe half of what he's writing about at this point; it could even be someone 'stirring' to re-invigorate discussion. The other one [Jonaid] comes to mind as well. Neither of them seems to get the drift that 'quantity of comment often dilutes the quality', seems like.

      XK

      Delete
    3. I don't remember if he mentioned his age; I can't get through all of his or her posts for exactly the reason you've cited.

      And no, there is no problem with it if he isn't acting on his urges. I was just... Digging :)

      I tend to think it is because he has wrapped up so much of his identity and therefore self-worth in defining his "different" nature as "sociopathic" because it makes him feel empowered and strong. If he just wanted a good laugh he wouldn't drone on and on as long as he has.

      But he does claim organic brain damage, which is something.

      Delete
    4. "The other one [Jonaid] comes to mind as well. Neither of them seems to get the drift that 'quantity of comment often dilutes the quality', seems like."

      Yes, apparently you haven't noticed the jungle of nonsense that one has to get thru here to be visible. Sometimes you have to play the same game to be heard - nonetheless I never post useless material unless I got trapped & responded needlessly to a psycho.

      Delete
    5. And I hope you realize that repeating a similar statement again and again (something you could accuse me of) is NOTHING like this ESTP character is doing (with just that ID alone).

      Delete
    6. And putting an "XK" under your anonymous post doesn't tell us anything about how often you actually post. Get a real ID if you want to be taken seriously (or am I assuming too much here?).

      Delete
    7. Hahahahaaaa ... You're a broken record, Joanie. Foe all his self-absorption, espy is MUCH more lucid and coherent than you are. Nobody listens to a word you say.

      Delete
    8. We're the same age, twenty somethings. I picked up on the fact he has pedophilia because he repeatedly comments on how he looks at much younger girls in their teens, I haven't actually asked him if this is the case but came to the conclusion through my own deductions.

      As for whether or not I'm a psychopath, only a specialized mental health professional can truly cast that judgement; through speaking with them, it's what they tell me is the case. Whether or not they're making a accurate diagnosis? Who knows.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    9. Yeah. I don't know that I'd classify a twenty-something male gaping at a 16 year old girl a pedophile. Technically, that would be considered ephebophilia, but how is that even a thing? Men stare at adolescent girls with lithe, mature bodies. D-uh.

      As for your alleged psychopathy, I wouldn't know. Maybe you are. I'm not qualified to judge, and I avoid "mental health professionals" like the Spanish flu. :P

      Delete
    10. A-

      Ephebophilia and lithe, are new words for me-thank you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. A-

      PS-I didn't know what "twinks" were either, and had to Google that.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. "doesn't tell us anything about how often you actually post."

      So?

      "Get a real ID if you want to be taken seriously (or am I assuming too much here?)."

      Yes. Being taken seriously by the likes of you is not something one would ever aspire to, boy.

      XK

      Delete
  5. Socioempath-

    PS-The article also reminds me to, KEEP IT REAL!!!

    ~Vegas

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    1. You seem so energetic today!

      Looks like you're approaching your 46 & 2 ;-)

      Here goes, I'll try my hand at writing a poem. Hope you enjoy!

      A new life, born to lose
      Rise or fall, time to choose
      Will it kneel, the same old story
      Will it stand, onwards to glory

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      My "flame" is coming back!!!

      "46 & 2"-HERE I COME!!!

      I LOVE THE POEM-IT WAS PERFECT!!!

      Thank you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Hehehehehhe

      I certainly noticed; you're as giddy as a toddler :-)

      Glad you liked the poem!

      Delete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. What is malleable is always superior
    to that which is immovable.
    This is mastery through adaptation."
    — Lao Tzu #TaoTeChing

    Didn't I learn that!

    Will rewrite my rambling post later - I discovered a few things as I wrote that will be more adequately expressed once I have allowed them to percolate through my mind a little.

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    1. North-

      I LOVED THAT QUOTE!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  8. Do socios watch psychopath-movies because these "mirror" reality & their narcissism gets "combed" (the way hair gets combed), by doing so..?

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    1. Anon @ 9:44-

      I am non-socio, and the other night, I watched the movie "Gaslight".

      I had never seen it before-it was an interesting movie...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  9. Challenging article, M.E. Thanks for posting this. It really resonates with me.

    Here is the ultimate irony of the divided life: live behind a wall long enough, and the true self you tried to hide from the world disappears from your own view! The wall itself and the world outside it become all that you know. Eventually, you even forget that the wall is there — and that hidden behind it is someone called “you.”

    Yeah. But when it is so easy to pop off the exoskeleton and retain the shape underneath, when duplicity is dealt with via compartmentalization, and cognitive dissonance is accepted without internal discomfort... When there are no strong emotional cues such as guilt or shame to mediate one's "objectionable" actions... What is there apart from an external moral code- a prosthetic conscience- to temper poor behaviours, especially in those of us so inclined to them?

    Perhaps we retain the "loathesome" self behind the mask because its existence does not bother us. We accept our many duplicitous masks because they too reflect genuine aspects of a fragmented self.

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  10. To me the ultimate power comes from suppressing your base instincts. When I act arrogantly and I'm supposed to be humble I become more powerful. When I reject the sluttish advances of a woman and treat her with indifference I become powerful. When I give a girl who I am attracted to, to another man I become more powerful. When I greet angry eyes with a light smile I become more powerful. These opposite reactions feed my bitter twisted psyche and make me stronger. when I first came here in 2011 i was speaking from pure shadow my words wanted to jump from the pages of sw and kick people to death. back then my shadow was a lot more severe and I was in a very dark place, but I've learned to channel it somewhat (if you can even do a thing with such a bestial force)

    Think of your shadow as a catapult, when one gives into their base instincts the catapult is used on the spot and is barely effective. However if you are strong enough to resist these common lowly impulses the catapult pulls farther and farther back and becomes stronger and bigger. The question is will you know when to let go or will it SNAP.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Decided to drop the little trolling act, have we, Lord Beta Fucktard? :)

      That shadow does become attenuated with age. I used to get into (physical) fights when I was younger, but not anymore.

      That said, I actually agree that suppressing base instincts makes you stronger.

      About the SNAP... What catches me off guard sometimes is how I'll be fine... Until I'm not. It takes me 30 seconds to go from even-tempered to homicidal- and I come back down again very quickly. But when I'm in that state, I have no control.

      I am reminded of a Tweet M.E. posted some time ago that I saved because of how well it describes that crazy swing:

      "Certainly, everyone gets irritated, but most people don't experience annihilating rage or its chilling counterpart- cold indifference"

      Some things, such as the power lust and thrill seeking, can be sublimated in various ways- but I still haven't figured out the hair-trigger temper thing. Half the time I don't even know what causes my grossly disproportionate blow-ups, because the trigger does not justify the reaction.

      And of course, I'm fine in a minute, but everyone around me is still reeling.... And it irritates me greatly that people don't simply "get over it"- even though I understand, logically and cognitively, that most people process their emotions very differently than I do.

      Delete
    2. A-

      Once again, I understand what you are saying, as it is exactly what I have experienced with my socio...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  11. I think it's important to like people. I really do like people. I'm an extrovert. I know it's the in thing to be an introvert these days, but to me introversion is just cowardice. I prefer back in the old days when introverts were called yellow bellies and publicly shamed. At heart, I'm a very simple person.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "to me introversion is just cowardice. I prefer back in the old days when introverts were called yellow bellies and publicly shamed."

      8-) well I like [some] people and I'm an introvert, who can be gregarious occasionally. I disagree it's cowardice, just: I don't like being bored. Many people are, sadly, boring.

      Fully agree with this though:
      "However if you are strong enough to resist these common lowly impulses the catapult pulls farther and farther back and becomes stronger and bigger. The question is will you know when to let go or will it SNAP."

      A very good question; how do you tell when to let the 'stretched elastic' go, so it/you don't snap. Haven't found an answer to that yet.

      XK

      Delete
    2. Adam Tha Soulless DemagogueFebruary 29, 2016 at 3:20 PM

      Who gives a shit. Don't even reply to me you aren't worthy. I'm a genius

      Delete
    3. 8-) 8-) oh OK, genius.

      See what I mean: most people are really, really boring. Hence no further responses.

      8-) 8-)

      XK

      Delete
  12. *Knock knock*

    who's there? Oh, it's just Ted Bundy. He's one of the good guys let 'em in

    ReplyDelete
  13. Adam Tha NecrophileFebruary 29, 2016 at 2:39 PM

    here lads have any of yous seen my good mate Joe. back in the 1910's we did push ups together and ran up and down Gori beach to 'eye of the tiger' i heard he moved to russia and got into communism. any1 heard of em then hit me up on myspace

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ ME:
    "What is the solution?

    'Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.'

    Do this even at the cost of ruffling feathers, of not conforming to what society demands, of being persecuted and hated for who you are, yes -- and speaking form experience, there really is no other viable choice."

    This was so amazing to read this, a day after having the same 'debate' with a psychologist. Actually got to the point I nearly walked out. The post basically says it all, regarding one's 'adjustment'.

    Hope you don't mind but I'm printing it out and shoving it [could be literally, could be metaphorically] down her throat next week.
    [I haven't graduated to once every two weeks yet] 8-) 8-)

    XK

    ReplyDelete
  15. "Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent."

    The problem with statements like this (which is just a summary of the entire post) is they are ultimately meaningless. Whoever reads this will interpret it as he / she sees fit - based on their life experiences and their current state of mind.

    For example, I can agree 100% with the above quoted statement if it is understood that by "your life" you really mean God. Obviously "your life" cannot dictate or suggest or desire anything if it is not some conscious force independent of "you." A psycho reading it will likely read this something that supports their choice to "be true to themselves" and not letting the society dictate to them how they ought to live.

    In the end there IS an objective standard which we all (the sane ones anyway) deep down can understand. It is with THIS objective standard that we ought to judge society, and ourselves, by. I'll give two examples below: 1) when NOT following societal norms is the right thing to do based on an objective criterion, 2) vice versa.

    1) An honest, ethical person will admit to themselves that racism is wrong because 1) it is baseless, 2) it doesn't feel good to be hated, 3) it causes suffering etc etc. If society tells them that it's okay, then it's OKAY to not listen to the society. You can say "how do I know I'm right and they're all wrong." THAT is the challenge, that is where courage & trust (in God, or at least your gut instinct) comes in. You'll notice one obvious thing when you defend your position against the pro-racists: soon enough, their argument will breakdown and become either authoritative or dismissive or diverge from the actual topic. Objectively you win but you're still alone or in the minority.

    2) An exact opposite scenario from 1. Imagine you live in a society where racism has been eliminated completely, or very nearly completely. You just happen to dislike a certain ethnic group - its not learned or personal, you just can't stand XYZ folks and if it were up to you, you'd remove them all from the society. Everyone tells you you're wrong and it's unethical, evil and destructive etc etc. You can say "why should I listen to what society tells me and ignore what 'my life' is saying to me deep down"? You can do that but once again there IS an objective response to your question. There is a knockdown argument for why racism is wrong and there is NO argument for why it is okay. The problem is not the society in this case, not a lack of an objective criterion, but this one racist who is creating a mess. Now multiply this character into millions and you should start to see why there's so much confusion in the world.

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    Replies
    1. In example 2 above:

      The racist who knows he can't convince people because objectively he's wrong has 3 basic choices: 1) accept that he was wrong and conform to societal norms, 2) remain a racist but keep to himself since he can't ever convince anyone else, 3) start lying, manipulating, setting up scenarios which lead others to suspect that XYZ folks might actually be "off" etc etc - in other words, give credence to his position by psychopathic trickery, deception, and treachery precisely because objectively he has no argument.

      Delete
    2. Riiight. So how do you justify the widespread, illogical anti-Semitism in the Sahih Al-Bukhari:

      Bukhari (52:177) - Allah's Apostle said, "The Hour will not be established until you fight with the Jews, and the stone behind which a Jew will be hiding will say. "O Muslim! There is a Jew hiding behind me, so kill him."

      And what of those verses which advocate the killing and maiming all those who believe differently?

      Quran (9:30) - "And the Jews say: Ezra is the son of Allah; and the Christians say: The Messiah is the son of Allah; these are the words of their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved before; may Allah destroy them; how they are turned away!"

      Quran (48:29) - "Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. And those with him are hard (ruthless) against the disbelievers and merciful among themselves"

      Quran (8:12) - "I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off every fingertip of them"


      I'll say your racist pedo-prophet made *quite* a mess.

      To usurp your quote: "Now multiply this character (Muhammad) into millions and you should start to see why there's so much confusion (and violence) in the Islamic world."

      :P

      Delete
    3. If anyone wants to swallow a pill of credulity read this and believe it. Never mind context, authenticity, time & context etc etc. I sometimes wonder how much of psychopaths' BS they deliberately throw out and how much they actually believe too (psychopathic brains are, after all, rotted).

      Delete
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      Delete
    5. Here is the Quran speaking about devils (a real psychopath) in context:

      In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "And they have taken (for worship) gods other than God, to give them power and glory!

      Instead, they shall reject their worship, and become adversaries against them.

      Do you not see that We have set the Evil Ones on against those who cover up (the truth), to incite them with fury?

      So make no haste against them, for We but count out to them a (limited) number (of days)."

      Qur'an 19: 81-84


      P.S. The "fire," "flame," "energy," etc etc will not last. It's not worth selling your soul for.

      Delete
    6. Authenticity? These are quotes from your holy Quran, and the Sahih Al Bukhari. That is absolutely haram! You're a terrible Muslim for questioning those sources.

      So let me get this straight. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a reasonable justification for beheading someone, and cutting off all their fingers... But *MY* brain is rotted?

      LOL! XD

      Delete
    7. What's equally interesting is the disappearing act Beta Boy stages every time I confront him.

      Such a badass. :)

      Delete
    8. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "Many of the people of the Scripture long to make you disbelievers after your belief, through envy on their own account, after the truth hath become manifest unto them. Forgive and be indulgent (toward them) until God give command. Lo! God is Able to do all things."

      Qur'an 2:109

      Delete
    9. Joanie-

      You said "context" twice.

      Psychopathic brains are "rotted"??? Are you a doctor???

      Psychopaths are "devils"???

      The Qur'an is BS.

      I am non-socio, and I am the one talking about my "fire, flame, energy...". It has ALWAYS BEEN THERE, IS THERE NOW, AND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE!!!

      I did not have to sell my soul to anyone for it!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. PS Joanie-

      If you want "fire, flame, energy...", you can have it.

      Put down your BS Qur'an, and pick up The Bible.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. A-

      I hope you don't mind, that I've "adopted" your "Joanie" quip.:)

      It was SO GOOD, it "stuck with me".:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. No, no. Unlike our resident Niggerlor.. erm, "genius", I don't claim any copyrights here. They're all Emmie's. Use it to your heart's content.

      Besides, I think Jojo kinda likes it.

      **Bats eyelashes at Joanie**

      Delete
    13. A-

      I'm glad you don't mind.:)

      Usually, I don't like to "copy", but that one is too good!!!

      Jojo is a good one, too, but I'm not ready to part with "Joanie" yet.:)'

      I think Joanie loves it!!!

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    14. Alpha the Beta SlayerMarch 1, 2016 at 12:56 AM

      Jihadi Jon is my personal favourite, but I'll agree that Joanie suits him best.

      Delete
    15. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "Who, then, doth more wrong than one who utters a lie concerning God, and rejects the Truth when it comes to him; is there not in Hell an abode for blasphemers?"

      Qur'an 39:32

      Delete
    16. Weeee! Another useless, boring sermon! Yay!

      Oh my god! That's exactly what I wanted!
      Finally, my life is complete! I am saaaaaved! Saved, I tell ya!

      Thanks, Joanie! May the Jihad be with you, and all the infidels blown to smithereens!
      Allahu akbar!

      Delete
    17. "Verily, God is Compassionate and is fond of compassion. He gives to the compassionate what he does not give to the harsh." - Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)

      Delete
    18. Yeeehaw!

      And the breathtaking sermons continue, ladies and gentlemen!
      We live in some really exciting times!

      Will the Jihadi quote pedohammad next? Or will he tell us all about the magnificent lessons from the amazing, unfallible Qu'ran? Or perhaps, even surprise us with his supremely irrefutable "logic"?
      So much excitement in so little time! So much I can barely breathe!
      Oh pleeeease, do tell us more, your holy highness. I can't live without my daily dose of Joanie's rants...

      Delete
    19. M.E.

      You mentioned you've graduated to biweekly visits to your therapist. It actually reminded me of one of the reasons why morality must ultimately stem from a single, objective source. Let me explain:

      Firstly I assume that your therapist is someone you trust, respect and consider to be someone with a relatively strong moral code. I assume the relationship has helped you in many ways. Now imagine how quickly everything could be undone IF it turns out your therapist is actually a pedophile & a rapist by night? In other words, he (or she) is a psychopath of the worst kind and you never saw it. It will shatter your entire experience with them. Years of effort will likely be wasted and if not, it will certainly take a massive toll on you.

      I'm not suggesting and certainly don't hope that any such thing happens. What I'm highlighting is that all of a sudden - despite having independent, good reasons to think as you do now - you'll be unable to retain all the growth and progress you made. It's natural - logically it makes no sense since your growth was for reasons other than the therapist - reasons they successfully brought to your attention.

      Without God, anyone can break anytime. When one is grounded in ultimate Truth and Reality, they can bear much much more and still be happy.

      Had to share.

      Delete
    20. You dumbass. Even if her therapist is all of those things, how would it diminish the impact of his or her helpful words and counsel? Why would her therapist's lack of integrity diminish M.E's progress, or take any toll on her personally?

      That's like saying... "What does it matter that Muhammad was a blood thirsty egomaniac? His teachings are so helpful!"

      I might be able to get behind that- ifit were true. But it isn't. His "teachings" consist of the rantings of deluded, entitled, deceptive egomaniac- and as such, are anything but helpful.

      Delete
  16. Adam's hands grip tightly on your crowns while you are entranced by the spectacle of a mad sage.

    Well played.

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    1. Oh yes. He sure as hell came in with a bang, proving what an awesome alpha genius he is by singing his own praises, and creating obvious, self-applauding puppet wingmen, while waiting for his idol Ukan to come and pat him on the head like a good boy.

      "Well played."~

      Delete
    2. Hm. I responded to your comment above as Alpha, but it ended up under Joanie's post.

      Eh. Two birds, one stone, I guess.



      Delete
  17. This song came to mind today:

    Cyndi Lauper

    "True Colors"

    You with the sad eyes
    Don't be discouraged
    Oh I realize
    It's hard to take courage
    In a world full of people
    You can lose sight of it all
    And the darkness inside you
    Can make you feel so small

    But I see your true colors
    Shining through
    I see your true colors
    And that's why I love you
    So don't be afraid to let them show
    Your true colors
    True colors are beautiful,
    Like a rainbow

    Show me a smile then,
    Don't be unhappy, can't remember
    When I last saw you laughing

    If this world makes you crazy
    And you've taken all you can bear
    You call me up
    Because you know I'll be there

    And I'll see your true colors
    Shining through
    I see your true colors
    And that's why I love you
    So don't be afraid to let them show
    Your true colors
    True colors are beautiful,
    Like a rainbow

    [Whisper:] Can't remember, when I last saw you laugh.

    If this world makes you crazy
    And you've taken all you can bear
    You call me up
    Because you know I'll be there

    And I'll see your true colors
    Shining through
    I see your true colors
    And that's why I love you
    So don't be afraid to let them show
    Your true colors
    True colors
    True colors are shining through

    I see your true colors
    And that's why I love you
    So don't be afraid to let them show
    Your true colors
    True colors are beautiful,
    Like a rainbow.

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  18. A-

    LOVE WINS!!!

    Absolutely.

    PS-I like the "Alpha" name...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, but I think I'll stick with "A" for now. It suits me.

      Delete
    2. A-

      I like "A", too.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  19. *meets a new person*
    ok let’s see how long i can hide the fact that i’m an awful goblin.

    ^This one literally made me lol.

    I'm just a part-time goblin, though. Most of the time I'm Jekyll. :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a bunch of nonsense. Conform to society or be punished. That's how it works, or there wouldn't be any society, now would there? If you are what you say you are, then why do you need therapy? You can try as hard as you can, but you can never be one of them.

    -FK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Psychopaths/Sociopaths-

      If it was possible, would you want to be "normal", or however you'd like to refer to it???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. I don't know whether or not I would be diagnosed a sociopath, but nah. There is always room for improvement, but I quite like myself, exactly as I am.

      A very empathetic, sensitive, emotional person would probably not want to do some of the things I enjoy, and do very well.

      Delete
    3. Nah. Not really. I like it much, much better this way. I'm satisfied with myself.

      Delete
    4. "then why do you need therapy? You can try as hard as you can, but you can never be one of them."

      Going to someone professional (who has empathy) to work out how the feeling moral majority 'work' can be useful. Nothing to do with learning how to be 'one of them' [except as a way of blending in more efficiently, when that's useful].

      XK

      Delete
    5. XK - That's a very good point. I could definitely benefit from that myself.

      Vegas - Absolutely. Ignorance is bliss.

      -FK

      Delete
  21. Interesting...but I think you know me better than I know you

    ReplyDelete
  22. It has become more appealing to me to actually learn how to properly fight, at least in self defense; untrained/basic brawling skill is OK, but it won't be good enough to hold off people like gangbangers. The malignant narcissist I spoke of before actually followed through with her threat of using them as her flying monkeys to attack me; one morning I heard a commotion outside of my apartment and I peeked through the venetian shades of my front room window and there were a couple feisty looking thugs glaring right back at me. My case manager happened to be outside as well and shooed them off the property.

    I can develop my strength, but naturally seem more inclined to quick movement; I should probably focus on speed and dexterity, with as many instrumental rapid strikes per second to ward off foes. Judo would be a good skill to pick up on, as I would best understand a prerequisite amount of strength (I honestly ought to just go to a dojo and inquire) is needed but beyond that any more of it is icing on the cake.

    Anyone have advise for me?

    ESTP Sociopath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm gonna quote a law from "48 Laws of Power". I think, in your situation, you could apply it to great effect - make her think she "won", bide your time, and strike back when the fortune is in your favor - power is fickle and eventually hers should be lesser than yours. And it should give you the freedom and peace of mind to do whatever you want.

      And think about it - if she's a narcissist, and she think she "won" and has proven herself "superior" to you, shouldn't that get her off your back, since she got the satisfaction of "defeating" you? While she's wallowing in her "victory", she should give you no attention, which enables you to blindside and defeat her when the time is right.

      LAW 22
      USE THE SURRENDER TACTIC: TRANSFORM WEAKNESS INTO POWER

      JUDGEMENT
      When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you — surrender first. By turning the other cheek you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.
      ...
      "When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts." - Ethiophan proverb

      Delete
    2. Thank you, "A", your input is greatly appreciated. I've been meaning to pick up a copy of that book, and "The Art of Seduction" by the same author, at the library but it's completely out of stock and has a long waiting list to eventually check out. I'm thinking I ought to get connected with some people who'd just gift me them (or see if I can snatch them from somewhere online as ebooks/PDFs for free).

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    3. Why don't you think about it this way - you're going to get the books eventually, so instead of waiting for so long why not give yourself a headstart and get them right away until you are able to legitimately purchase them/have them gifted for you?

      P. S.
      I'm not "A" ;-)

      Delete
    4. Exactly. Just downloaded the both of them moments ago. As I go about my business today, perhaps while I'm riding the city bus, I'll give them a good read.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    5. Why are you folks advertising your shallow minds by mentioning Greene's books? This is the sort of thing you ought to keep private considering you're speaking of them in favorable terms. After all, no one goes around boasting "hey, take my advice and join the handicap club, I like the slow speed - I can keep up."

      If you take Greene's suggestions, you've decided to go forward by making a U-turn. You'll end up at the opposite end of the world by the time you're forced to admit to yourself that you need to make another U-turn.

      I'm sure there are ranks among psychopaths. Only the idiots read Greene and make him rich. A nut who at once says "never give your tactics & strategy away to anyone" but then decides to advertise it to the whole world (with his face & name on it) for a some loose change. What happened, his "laws" couldn't help him make some $ without writing books? I guess it only makes sense if he's doing it to serve a higher purpose: the purpose of his master. Spread the garbage.

      Delete
    6. Ya know... Surrender really repels me on a visceral level. My first strategy would be to acquire trustworthy allies, including a couple of physically imposing guys I knew I could trust to have my back. Taking up a martial art is a good idea (seriously, do it), but it isn't a viable short-term strategy for dealing with this problem.

      You need to send this chick a strong, clear message to FUCK OFF. Be aggressive in turning the tables on her by having *your* guys accost her at a time that you know she will be alone and vulnerable- and demand that she call off her goons through intimidation and a show of force.

      Because of your present situation, you should always be carrying something to protect yourself with. If you're cornered and unarmed, be vicious. And I do mean feral, if they are in a position to overpower you. Immediately target their balls. Kick, punch, grab, gouge, be willing to fuck them up like a savage.

      That's how you "win".

      But in your particular case, I would surmise that Socioempath has offered you excellent advice. I am basing this assessment on the basis of certain assumptions, which are supported by deductions I have made regarding your situation. Correct me if I am wrong, but:

      1) You don’t have access to ammo
      2) You don’t have access to strong allies

      Else, why would you even seek counsel? If you are a sociopath, everything I said about how to win amounts to "thank you, Captain Obvious”. :P

      So yeah. “Surrender” and regroup, as you fart in her general direction.

      Assuming that’s even an option. What would it entail for you, and what’s in it for her? If she’s already after you it is because she currently had the upper hand.

      I can’t really advise you without knowing more about your situation. Perhaps I missed some context because I was put off by your “megalomania”, or something. ;)


      Delete
    7. Yes, that was my general thought.
      Since he is just "rising" and she is much "stronger" than him, I surmised that it would be foolish for him to "fight for honor's sake".

      By faking a surrender, he could acquire allies, gain power, whatever he needs to do without her intervening and suspecting a thing, and then suddenly and ferociously strike back when he is able, which should "break" her for good.

      Delete
    8. Yeah, presuming she will even accept surrender. I cannot comment, because I don't know what is motivating her.

      Also, I'm buying that book.

      Delete
    9. Oh well, he asked for advice, and he got it.

      I think he inadvertently broke Law 46: Never appear too perfect, which stirred up her envy.
      If he is a "high-functioning sociopath" as he claims, the book should provide him with everything he needs to formulate a decent plan of action.

      Also, good choice! I think you shall find it to your liking ;-)

      Delete
  23. The 48 laws of power is one of my favorite books. It's not for everyone though, only a very small amount of people can utilize the laws in the book. I'm sure John Greene knows this. The common man has a common mind, there's not much you can do with that, even with the best coaches and PR in the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. You can lead a horse to water, but you sure as hell can't make it drink it.

      Delete
    2. Greene describes a person like me in his book and says we - people like - are the hardest to read. He suggests that we are really good at *his game* because we are so genuine. As I read that, I almost felt pity for him - almost because it's hard to feel pity for such a lost soul. In any case, I know that I actually am genuine (thank God - may He help me stay genuine) but how could he ever know with his mindset? He's already decided that only idiots can be genuine and since a seemingly intelligent person is coming across so honest and nice, they must be an expert deceiver.

      This is why my "friend" also initially thought I was like him. I'm telling you a psycho mind leads to a dead end. It will destroy your reasoning capacities by feeding you delusions of power & success. Any child knows when you get something the wrong way it never ends up right, ever - it can only fool you in the meanwhile.

      Delete
    3. Oh, for gods sake, Joanie...
      You're such a mess. Stop messing around and just take your damn pills already!

      Delete
    4. Jonaid, genuine people don't go around calling themselves genuine. Your martyr vitriol comes from a place of ego. I think you have a severe case of the 'nice guy syndrome'

      Delete
    5. I agree with Jonaid. Egoism (worship of the material world and self) to me is pure abashed reality. I have massive respect for people who are egoists. However, it's also a dead end and will lead you to ruin. People need myth, magic and a higher power to feel a purpose in life. Belief in God could make you happier than an egoist, regardless of if God exists or not. Myths were created to shield peoples eyes from the hideous abyss of reality.

      Delete
    6. Adam I don't know you agree with me on. I used to believe that people need myths to have a purpose until I realized - without a doubt - that the "myth" of God is actually not a myth. Now I need to have blind faith to NOT believe in God.

      Delete
    7. "I think you have a severe case of the 'nice guy syndrome'"

      Yes, once upon a time it was considered a good thing to be a nice person. People weren't stupid enough to mistake "nice" for "weak" back then.

      Delete
    8. I think you have a severe case of the 'nice guy syndrome'"

      Yes, once upon a time it was considered a good thing to be a nice person. People weren't stupid enough to mistake "nice" for "weak" back then.


      I, for one, don’t think you’re a “nice guy”, Joanie. I think you’re a fundamentalist who is blinded by the myopic world view you’ve erected on the foundation of your fragile ego, which must insist upon your “superiority” in order to assuage the shame and humiliation you experienced at the hands of an unscrupulous individual who knew how to leverage your weaknesses against you.

      I see an insecure man made bitter by life’s experiences, who harbours a seething rage just beneath the surface of his consciousness, that will gradually consume every last vestige of his decency whilst feeding his false pride, as he justifies his demonization of folks who reject his brand of moral absolutism.

      You reduce people to soulless demons and minions when they so much as disagree with you, and make excuses for the heinous atrocities perpetuated by the warmongering child molester you falsely call prophet- as though any context could possibly justify You venerate a tyrant and reject the true for the false. This tells me you have no discernment whatsoever. You show the weakness of your character and creed in the distorted ethical standard you sermonize about, but cannot defend.

      Socioempath is right. It is just a matter of time before you’re blowing yourself up, screeching “Allah akbhar”. You are ripe for radicalization- and anyone conducting surveillance on this site should take note of it.

      Btw, I have your picture.

      It’s cute. ;)

      Delete
    9. *"...could possibly justify his atrocities", that is.

      You're not genuine. You're as false as they come- and you're all the worse for it, because you aren't even self-aware.

      Delete
    10. The incredible thing is reality is not a hideous abyss.

      Existence is perfect.

      We create all manner of perturbations in our minds, seeming discord at this layer but now abstract yourself above species level and enjoy the harmonious dance that plays out on a global scale. Gods, bleakness, quantum theory, lines of barometric pressure, taxonomies, Agile delivery frameworks: all evidence of the human brain's capacity to design realities.

      Underneath and above is the silence of a universe we capture in coloured models.

      No matter how far any of us thinks we deviate from society, we are always part of the human species.

      And so cannot escape the glorious tapestry of which we are mere threads, our physical heritage and legacy. A glorious tapestry we can create as yet another myth.

      Delete
    11. "Btw, I have your picture.

      It’s cute. ;)"

      Umm thanks? Or is there some subtle unpleasantly I didn't catch? One can never be sure here...

      Delete
    12. Uh-oh...

      Watch out! Joanie's about to blow!

      Allahu akbar!!!

      Delete
    13. Socioempath-

      You are making me giggle again!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  24. It's in human nature to think we can do anything if only we apply ourselves. The truth is if you are a beta male now, you will always be a beta male. Not matter what you read. A common empath can read all the Machiavelli literature she wants, but she will never outwit a sociopath who can't read or write (sociopaths are naturally alpha males)

    Genetics are everything. If your mother and father were retards or losers, you'll most likely be the same.

    I understand why people do this, nobody likes to have a door shut in their face, but the big boy truth is nature doesn't care about your plight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not completely true. Genetics aren't absolutely everything. "Most likely" doesn't mean "absolutely 100% true", it just confers a higher than average chance of it happening. While rare, there exist people who succeeded despite their genetics and disadvantages.

      Delete
    2. Funny you should say that, Niggerdouche. My father was an extremely violent psychopath with dysgraphia and dyslexia. I got the best of him on a few occasions.

      While it may be accurate so say that she couldn't physically overpower a strong, well- built alpha male, it is most certainly possible to outwit one.

      Are you really such a simpleton that you don’t understand the qualitative difference between brains and brawn?
      It is best to have both, but I’d choose mental over physical prowess any day, in a pinch.

      I should know. I’ve outwitted several “alpha males”. In fact, one might even call it a hobby of mine. Case in point: I’ve been outwitting you since you stepped back into this place, by calling you on all of your oh-so-fucking obvious weaknesses and securities, you alpha wannabe.

      You’re just another notch in my post, bitch. ;)

      Delete
    3. A true alpha doesn't need to brag about being an alpha - everyone knows. That's the definition.

      Playing in shadows is not alpha. Alpha is protecting the tribe. That's why benefits are conferred: the alpha is the strongest and most confident and best prepared to face risk.

      All this huffing and puffing is a joke. No one is fooled.

      Leadership and hierarchy have deep biological roots.

      Delete
    4. ^Yes.

      Playing Edgelord Empire on the internet is not alpha, either. :P

      Makes me wonder what Adam does apart from sitting on park benches, wistfully reflecting upon the times he felt accepted and cool, wishing that he had not wasted the best years of his life?



      Delete
    5. Don't you know?

      He's injecting steroids and walking around with a herd of pitbulls! And don't you forget about those three tons of golden chains!

      Yarrr! Fear the flaccidity!

      Delete
    6. Socioempath-

      Giggle, giggle, giggle.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  25. Exceptional post, M.E.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I LOVED BOTH OF M.E.'s TWEETS:

    "The best way to handle a sociopath is to stop caring. It's a big world with billions of people. This person doesn't need to matter."

    -AND-

    "I am of the firm opinion all toddlers are little psychopaths"

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  27. M.E.-

    YOU ROCK!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  28. This one is for M.E. and all of "The Girls"!!!

    Cyndi Lauper

    "Girls Just Want To Have Fun"

    I come home in the morning light
    My mother says when you gonna live your life right
    Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
    And girls they want to have fun
    Oh girls just want to have fun

    The phone rings in the middle of the night
    My father yells what you gonna do with your life
    Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
    But girls they want to have fun
    Oh girls just want to have

    That's all they really want
    Some fun
    When the working day is done
    Girls - they want to have fun
    Oh girls just want to have fun

    Some boys take a beautiful girl
    And hide her away from the rest of the world
    I want to be the one to walk in the sun
    Oh girls they want to have fun
    Oh girls just want to have

    That's all they really want
    Some fun
    When the working day is done
    Girls - they want to have fun
    Oh girls just want to have fun,
    They want to have fun,
    They want to have fun...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  29. ""To me the ultimate power comes from suppressing your base instincts. When I act arrogantly and I'm supposed to be humble I become more powerful. When I reject the sluttish advances of a woman and treat her with indifference I become powerful. When I give a girl who I am attracted to, to another man I become more powerful. When I greet angry eyes with a light smile I become more powerful. These opposite reactions feed my bitter twisted psyche and make me stronger.""

    Funny you posted this. My childhood friend I believed suffered with oppositional defiant disorder. I became the opposite to the reaction he wanted outta me. It was metaphorically outstandingly to watch him. I knew what he was looking for when I was approached by him, and sometimes I allowed myself to see his pain. I'd give him just a little attention and switch things on me so he could feel better about himself. But just a little bite like those tim bit at a coffee shop. Lol I always could see through his projection. He was a good guy overall, always kicking someone else's ass the next block over. He could get crowds hovering over him. Will just call him Steven. All I ever heard was, " Steven Is the best!" "Steven kick his ass!" "Steven is the king." Seriously, the king. He would even say he was the best. Haha. The girls were all over him. Everyone, as a matter of fact, was. He was addicted to the attention, as he always looked over to see who was watching him.
    Part of me doesn't blame him because he had a tough childhood. He felt validated, accepted, it's a basic need he needed to get it somehow. I could read his book perfectly on his face and I just knew his story. If we played together I knew he'd start fighting with someone as he came into contact with someone that triggered him off. Id just tell him to fuck off already, I'll just walk home alone. I'd look at him and all the people giving him all that attention and just walk away. He'd always come looking for me. I'd never give him my reaction and it drove him insane. Everyone else gave him that. He didn't need it from me. Many times actually I played shy girl a lot with him. I'd play really shy.
    Did he even know what he was enduring inside? Was it all a coping mechanism? He had to survive his alcoholic dad, as he was always in and out of jail. Part of me deeply respected him, he had to stand up for himself -- who else would but himself, right ? But I guess part of me wanted him to mature and just walk away from all the fighting he'd get himself into. He became so obsessive and I couldn't help but laugh after his persistence. So that day I finally told him my feelings. That night was fun. Just the laughter...the laughter was insane...deep smiles, lots of kissing, touching, cuddling, but very respectful. It reminds me of my first kiss with him in grade six.

    We played spin the bottle. When It was my turn to spin that bottle and it stopped at Bobby (a boy I had a crush on), I was getting all excited and he literally pushed Bobby out of the way and he made me kiss him instead. It was a real sweet kiss, I admit. So He walked me home and I was so mad at him. I told him to leave me alone cuz he screwed up the dam game for me, but I admit now that I'm glad he was my first real french kiss. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After that junior high crush love approached and then it shifted, we'd give each other smiles those smirks and stare intensely at each other in the hall ways of high schools. Go to downtown restaurants during lunch break with friends, fries and gravy please and lots of ketchup. Then he switched high school from early on though (he got kicked out) I still remember those intense blue eyes and my intense midnight dark eyes I'd give it right back to him, we'd just smile, as he went to class and I was in his next class across the hall trying to make me laugh. But Its like I was his opposite as he gained all that power he was built up. I was glad to be part of it. He got his power from other sources too , I'm sure, haha. Girls loved him. Cause he was a bad boy. I get it and I'm glad he got it.

      He's probably under the umbrella of a narcissistic behaviours (who knows).....I joke with him now when I bump into him , " Steven don't turn 180 degree narcissistic on me - I can handle it a little chucks, but come around full circle and get out of your head too . He would be considered high-functioning if he does have a personality disorder of sorts. He's overall a real nice guy. I can overlook his probability of ODD as a little boy because I knew his story. We had so much fun and I'd never trade those years in (ever) it's like we ruled those streets (in our eyes of course) we were little mafias I tell him, lol. He does have great stamina , resilience , endurance and made a good life for him. Not all clean and rosy I admit, he does hit the papers here occasionally, and I laugh cuz I know he will rise out of it. He always finds a loop hole. Overall I'd say I respected him, but I knew enough to stay away from him because he was shipped off away in jail when highschool almost ended for us, breaking the law and just getting involved with the wrong people. He went away for quite some time. I still remember when people said he was back. He was gone for a long time. You can respect someone from afar but stay the hell away from them. In jail he went to school and became a nurse, although he doesn't practise anymore. He opened up a small restaurant in the city . He's opened up a few businesses previously , probably to cover up another business I'm sure lol. That kid will always rise in my eyes and I knew I saw something good in him from the start of kindergarten.

      The best is when he joined the church (an alter boy) trying hard to make me laugh during mass. The priest always had to talk to us afterwards giving us shit, "what am I going to do with you two?" The priest would shout. He was so funny during mass and wanted me to just get in trouble with him. I'd just sit & laugh hysterically through mass. Just one look could set me off. I knew what was coming! And that priest took his money, crook. Sometimes Steven didn't understand cause and effect but he'd make an excuse to walk home with me. I'd invite him to eat over and all the questions would start with him. The things he would get me to do to prove my acceptance of him, haha, freak. Fuck though. Enough girls liked him he did not need me to tell him this. I naturally pull away when I'm confronted like that.

      He now has a wife that repeatedly cheats on him (shhh.. I don't know that because it's none of my business. We don't know what she's enduring as well, right?), and a gorgeous son that he calls "his king." I'm glad he has that boy , he's an excellent father. I'm just proud of him and I make sure I tell that when opportunity presents itself. That son of his does not live the life he endured as a child. He gives him a good life.

      Delete
    2. I've never had a female friend. I think for a man to be able to relate to women, you need a certain amount of femininity in you and I have none. Maybe I'm on the spectrum and have an 'extreme male brain' idk. Men who allow women into their group of friends are really pathetic to me. I used to think I may be an asperger with narcissistic personality and paranoid schizophrenia.

      Delete
    3. I'm glad my husband does not have female friends, he's respectable with them but never really hung out with females unless dating them in the past or is in a group. Still he's more lenient in conversing with males than females. I always kinda found a bit odd when a man has WAY more female friends than males, cause it naturally makes me question their loyalty if their in a committed relationship. But I guess part of me finds it refreshing too. Who am I too judge what's right for someone. Some have their preferences I guess and they might find it to hard or competitive to have male friends, who knows. And your probably right about the questionable Aspergers-Narcissism only you would know that and a doctor. I always let my husband know when he spews out comments like , " @ that's kind of gay, way too soft for me." I understand it but say it to the wrong person and hahaha. It's like I have to train him in his wording sometimes. He's come along way. Lol

      Delete
    4. "I am of the firm opinion all toddlers are little psychopaths"

      Vice versa can work too.

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    6. I get along better with men in general.

      I used to think I may be an asperger with narcissistic personality and paranoid schizophrenia

      Sounds about right for an unemployed internet tough guy living in his mother's basement.

      Delete
  30. anybody see the film, Ikiru. it's from 1952 and it's one of my favorite films. for me the best films are always ones with a universal message. not exclusive or something only locals can understand, but a human message that touches us all. they're the films that live on forever.

    ReplyDelete
  31. SW Song Of The DayMarch 1, 2016 at 7:17 PM

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQnIS_nmGgA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha actually a good song to put on the speaker as we speak just to annoy the crap out of my husband, he's looking at me like WTH

      Delete
    2. I feel your husband's pain!~ :D

      Delete
  32. Iceberg Slim QuotesMarch 1, 2016 at 7:45 PM

    I'm looking in the mirror
    "No mistakes! Clear day! Oh, you a slick motherfucker"

    Used to talk to myself, like a psychotic. You're a psychotic when you're a good pimp.

    You gotta be. And it projects, man. I mean what lowly little whore can resist GOD? For chrissake!

    ReplyDelete
  33. North-

    This one's for you, and all of our "sistas" out there!!!

    “MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED"

    There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall Because we have learned how to rise With skinned knees and bruised hearts; We choose owning our stories of struggle, Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending. When we deny our stories, they define us. When we run from struggle, we are never free. So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye. We will not be characters in our stories. Not villains, not victims, not even heroes. We are the authors of our lives. We write our own daring endings. We craft love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure. Showing up is our power. Story is our way home. Truth is our song. We are the brave and brokenhearted. We are rising strong.”

    ― BrenĂ© Brown, Rising Strong

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Story is our way'

      That's great :)

      Delete
    2. And kumbaya to you too, Vegas. :P

      Delete
  34. North-

    PS-There are plenty more "Trojan Horse Orgasms", in your future!!!

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no, none of those thanks.

      He was using my own body against me, to addict me to himself so he'd have power.

      That won't happen again.

      Delete
    2. He was using my own body against me, to addict me to himself so he'd have power.

      Mmmmm.

      Heh.

      That's my standard M.O.

      Except I wouldn't call it "using his body against him". I prefer the terms orgasm control and sexual dominance. :)

      Delete
    3. Interesting. You are a woman; there would be differences in style flowing simply from that fact as a starting point. Plus he can *only* operate in shadows; I imagine you have a far greater range.

      Delete
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  36. Well, now I can safely say that I wish to become wholesome than whole to someone. Great post
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