Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Bill Burr on regular vs. functioning psychos

Bill Burr's description of the sort of cost benefit that everyone (?) goes through:

102 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. bill burr kinda mixed psychosis and psychopathy. I listened to one interview, and he spoke about comedians being psychopaths in one study. Looked it up, and it said psychotic.. not psychopathic.

    http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jan/16/successful-comedians-display-symptoms-psychosis-study-says

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  3. I like the video, M.E.. Great pick. Here's an update on my life:

    Earlier today I met with my career counselor and someone else who'd be getting me connected with employment, and my counselor wanted me to express my personality to the woman I'd be working with in getting job placement. I didn't drop the word sociopath (why let a label with a heavy stigma attached get in the way?) on them, but I did candidly express all of my sociopathic traits to them. I was able to articulate to them in a informative enough way (or at least to the woman I'll be working with; my counselor squinted at me in a manner I recognize as suspicion and disbelief.) that educated them enough to not hold prejudice against me. It looks like I'll be having a positive professional relationship with the both of them while letting me be myself.

    I've found an inner peace within myself because right now I have friends who accept me as I am, a sociopath, without having any prejudice towards me. The malignant narcissist is blindly spreading hate speech behind my back even though she signed a contract from our case manager at my homeless young adult transitional living program that she would not do so, but if she does she loses her apartment. My schizophrenic neighbor and friend came to me and told me about it instead of going straight to my case manager to report it like he should have; despite the overwhelming objective evidence against her, why is she doing this? Why lie and say our mediator was falsifying evidence expressed to police, that she was lying about the events that occurred that night and is still trying to accuse me of actually threatening to kill her? Does she really think it's worth buying into her self-serving morals of bottom-line expectations for "normal" people? Why perpetuate the vicious cycle? That's something about society I don't quite get. If war and murder are so bad, why perpetuate the cycle that allows for that kind of environment in the first place? We live in a strange world, M.E..

    ESTP Sociopath

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    1. As far as I have surmised, most people like their habits; they'd rather "feel good" and stay in their comfort zone than put in the effort to succeed and realize their dreams. I had a few of those "toxic" friends before (not necessarily narcissists), and they'd just live day-to-day, wasting their days with junk activities and stagnating.
      While you're "equals", all's fine and dandy, nothing can separate you, you are friends for life!
      The problem starts once you start rising - they'd rather everyone stay at their level (crab bucket mentality) than to see you succeed, because ot reminds them of their failure in life, so they'd try to stop you so they can continue to feel good about themselves, rather than take some risks and risk failure.
      They'd become envious, attribute your success to you "getting lucky" or something else; everyone wants the "magic bullet" or some shortcut to success.
      But eh, what can you do. Let them stew in the hell they created and find people who will help you because they want you to succeed.

      Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.
      ...
      As Thoreau once said, "Envy is the tax which all distinction must pay."

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    2. Socioempath-

      I dig the quote!!!

      Are you Canadian or Australian???

      ~Vegas

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    3. I'm guessing Canadian.:)

      ~Vegas

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    4. Neither. 'Cause - I'm a Harley from Hell!

      I'm from Europe :-)

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    5. Oh, man!!! You can't fault me for trying.:) It was the "eh", that made me think Canadian.:)

      NM is in Austria, and I got to ask him questions about it.:)

      Europe's a big place!!! Which country are you from???

      Germany???

      ~Vegas

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    6. Oh yeah!!!

      And, thanks for the music!!!

      ~Vegas

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    7. Gettin' curious, are we now?

      Hehehehehe :-)

      I'm from Bosnia - just the perfect "training" place.

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    8. Man, I was wrong again-I'm striking out today.:(

      I bet Bosnia is cool, and I'm sure it is the perfect "training" place.:)

      ~Vegas

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    9. Well, it's an interesting place, that's for sure...
      You can see the gap between "pre-war" and "post-war" generations - the former are more direct, tougher, and generally give you more "tough love", but are more fair, while those after are lazy, like to "take it easy", flake, feel entitled, and have other "modern psychological diseases" that are prevalent in developed countries.

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    10. Ahahaha, so you live in a homeless shelter and you're unemployed?? Your life sucks... why are you wasting time hanging out with losers when you could be sorting that out? And why do you even care if some silly woman is talking shit about you? have you tried just, like, laughing at her

      Socioempath your english rocks btw

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    11. Socioempath-

      You are SO WISE!!! I like reading your posts, the music, and would love to ask you questions and learn more about Bosnia!!!

      I agree with Defiance, in that your English is AWESOME!!!

      I think I have been posting too much, and annoying people, which has not been my intent.:( I have a lot going on right now, too, so I think I will be posting less for the time being...

      ~Vegas

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    12. Take your time. And really, does it really matter that much if you annoy some people, it's not like you're not trying to improve, unlike Jonaid :-)

      Well, I'm in the mood to talk about muslims, so here you go;
      The muslims here, they are nice to you and "kiss your ass", preach tolerance and understanding when in the minority, while forcing you to conform to their "traditions" when in the majority; for example, there are three words for "coffee" here, kava (croatian), kafa (serbian), and kahva (so called "bosnian", I basically consider it a "copycat language"). If the café bar is muslim and the bartender is a muslim, and you don't pronounce it as "kahva", he feels the need to correct you, and gets mad and argues with you if you refuse to call it that way.

      I'm sure there must be exceptions, but every muslim I knew, through others or personally so far, instinctively looks for ways to stab you in the back and takes it. Jonaid would really like it here, it's like a whole nation of Jonaids!
      Oh yeah, they drink alcohol, have casual sex, and believe me on this one, very likely eat pork in secrecy even though they won't admit it. I suspect their ultimate goal is to build mosques every 500 meters or so - I am NOT kidding, it gets ridiculous how many mosques there are in close proximity to one another, all blasting their prayers at max volume (there were a couple of funny incidents where somebody switched the tapes to croatian/serbian patriotic songs)!

      It's so ridiculous I can't help but laugh at the absurdity!
      Basically, as I see it, their culture consists of blatantly copying the culture serbs/croats/whatever and pretending they've had their own culture for hundreds of years.
      It's a perfect Jonaid nation :-)

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    13. An interesting perspective, Defiance. If I have humility, I must admit that this is my situation because I'm still progressing into a higher functioning sociopath, it's a growing process for all sociopaths, or at least for me and M.E. as I would understand it. As I cognitively recognize, is your sadism in your comment towards me meant to elicit some kind of backlash from me? I come here with the intent of having civil, constructive conversations here in order to not just quench my thirst for intellectual stimulation but also to 1) Come here to gleam insight on what I might use from M.E.'s blog posts to better adapt and achieve higher functioning, 2) have constructive conversations with others identifying as sociopaths, sociopathic, having sociopathic traits, as well as with those educated enough to not hold prejudice against sociopathy (because those kinds of people are useful to me).

      I suppose I could throw a fake laugh at her, but that kind of instrumental sadism may or may not be necessary(at the moment I don't see a use in it). Any interaction with her after the no contact contract is over will be amicable and diplomatic on my part, but beyond that like I said she's just a used up napkin to me at this point. She attempted to ostracize me so I took as much action in my power(so I'd like to believe) to squash this incident. She's under a contract now of zero tolerance towards any hate speech, so if she so much as says the wrong thing towards me or about me to anyone else that would be then relayed back to my case manager, she loses her apartment and becomes homeless again. I've got her cornered quite well I think, my plotting and implementing of said plots has come to fruition and I'm quite satisfied with that. I can see though how if she becomes homeless again, I'm quite certain I know were she'll go; There's a homeless youth shelter we both used to go to (it's how we met. We went to the same high school but never actually ran into each other). It's the place where I met the man who worked there who wanted me to join this group of people who'd be allegedly killing supposedly unsavory characters. I'm quite notorious there, since the events of where I manipulated everyone there into getting him fired because his own misbehavior was getting in my way of utilizing certain people there as tools. The woman I was once quite close with is the administrator there and she won't even look me in the eye (why I don't quite know. Anger or fear?). His friends threatened to physically assault me, but they were empty threats as they never followed through with it. Regardless I got what I wanted, him out of my way to further my own interests. As I was saying though, if she goes there it won't matter too much, most people there are already informed enough to have caution around me. I'm quite respected, even though that's respect earned by notoriety.

      If you need further clarification, my recent bout of homelessness came about because of my shallow affect and the violence I impulsively indulged in. The bit where she had my brother try to choke me to death was a bit extreme in my opinion. If only people knew better to not irritate me, my irritation might not have to escalate to something more intense. Knowing that though I just have to develop more adaptive coping mechanisms.

      ESTP Sociopath

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    14. The violence towards my mother, I should say. This weed is quite dank.

      ESTP Sociopath

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    15. Christopher Hitchens - who was no fan of Islam or Muslims - testified to and praised the Muslims of the Balkans for their civility during the war. He was there so he speaks from actual experience.

      I have no tribe. I'm happy in my country, the United States.

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    16. I live here. I'm speaking from experience and my claims are more related to the present, not the past which was more than 20 years ago. I don't know how it was "during the war", but these are my observations of muslims after the war. I don't hate muslims nor do I have anything against them.

      P. S.
      I have spoken with a couple of war veterans and survivors. According to them,muslims were "all in", all singing croatian songs and the like, until they saw the chance to "profit". They were apparently notorious for fighting both against croats and serbs, and there were a couple of croatian villages under muslim attacks. I can't verify the validity of these claims, since obviously I wasn't there, these are simply observation of people who were fighting during the war, and I have no reason to suspect that they were trying to deceive me. So take it for what you will.

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    17. Hmm, so if only the Muslims had full control in the Balkans they would show their true colors. What a coincidence. As it happens for hundreds of years Muslims had absolute authority over the Balkans. The Ottomans were arguably the world's foremost power when they conquered the Balkans. There was no EU, NATO, UN etc to stop them if they wanted to massacre the "infidel" or forcibly convert the masses. They had plenty of time. Funny if your projection onto Muslims were true, you'd BE a Muslim (or not exist) because your ancestors would have been converted or killed.

      Don't project your mindset onto genuine people who have historical track records to prove their authenticity. We all know what happened to the Muslims of the Balkans when they weren't in charge.

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    18. Sigh...

      I'm done here. You are beyond any hope. Do and believe whatever you want.

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    19. Thank you for the last sentence there. May God have mercy on your soul too.

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    20. Hahahahahahaha... Ignorant to the end. Go team Jonaid!

      I shall leave no further comments directed directly at you on this comment thread, and possibly anywhere else. You don't deserve no more attention. Sayonara.

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    21. It's called manners. You say something good to me I will assume (even if it's obvious it's fake) it's legit. Why not? It doesn't hurt me either way so why not assume the good?

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  4. The first think you have to do is conquer is the fear of not having power. for some, before this they have to first stop repressing this fear. This fear drives poor and impulsive decisions. Also, when you don't much much other fear, this becomes your defining fear, and fear is the root how one's ego is defined. Then, you can also throw out the fantasy of that bonds are between equals. Because some people are so used to either having power over someone or fearing someone else's power over you. (Face it - almost no one has complete power. Most people have a boss, source of income they depend on, parent, law enforcement, a gov't that has power over them.)

    Then you can bond with others. It will probably be a superficial bond at first, might be uncomfortable, but if you can stay interested in the strange social dynamic while trying as much as possible to be yourself, which means revealing your urges or thoughts sometimes, you will find great benefits to bonding. (It will, however, take a long time. Patience is key.) There are obvious health and financial benefits to being a part of a community. And there are other benefits. Honest criticism, from someone with whom you have a close bond with is very useful, even if you are already strongly insightful. You will find that those with whom you bond with will want you to be a better, more successful person. They will help you reach any of your goals, even if they are not their goals. And face it, "bad" and "good" are social constructs. The reason so many un-adjusted individuals do socially "bad" things is for a need for attention, desire for power (out of fear) or lashing out at being controlled (into being a "good" person). If you lived in a society where you had to light houses on fire every day, you might lash out by refusing to commit arson. Once you accept this, and practice feeling secure in your level of power, you will be able to bond with others more readily. You might even find yourself helping others or doing behaviors that are not "useful" to you personally but useful to your community (with which you have bonded with.)

    Great video. We should all be ourselves. We have a role to play in society and it is not the trickster coyote. Our insight when it comes to observing others and social situations is valuable to the community as a whole. You begin to identify with others as much as you identify with yourself. Funny enough, it is then that you will have the most power. And you won't even have to trick anyone into giving it to you.

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  5. A-

    I have questions but understand they are personal, and obviously, you don't have to answer:

    What did you think, about your father asking you questions about your mother? Did you answer his questions?

    It sounds like your father had a strong bond with your mother. I do believe, he only ever loved her. What are your thoughts about his obsession with her, and his mind-set of "owning her"?

    What are your thoughts on your father's affairs?

    ~Vegas

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    1. Of course I answered his questions, albeit not always honestly. I treaded the line between them. For instance, he once brought me to the house of a man he suspected she was dating. I made it clear that I didn't think she was seeing him, even though I didn't know, or particularly care. But I did know what kind of man my father was. Sure enough, later that week, he broke the guy's nose, and was never even reprimanded for it at work. His legit "day job" was that of a blue collar worker- but he managed to propel himself into a position of influence as union leader (read: chief shit disturber.) in spite of his lack of education and qualifications. People were afraid of him, with good reason. He was notorious for doing *crazy* shit.

      All of my father's affairs were with coke whores. He was a drug dealer for much of his life. When I visited him after my parents briefly separated, and he had shacked up with one of them, I literally refused speak to her. I ignored all of her paltry attempts at conversation, and was overtly rude to the point of brazen disrespect. This infuriated my father, but I was never intimidated by him- although I certainly had reason to be. As far as I was concerned, this woman was beneath my even addressing. I shot her dark glares and mocked her to my friends within earshot. As far as I was concerned, this was a question of loyalty to my mother, and I wanted them both to know how contemptible I thought they were.

      I drove him crazy because I didn’t respect or obey him. I was chronically defiant. If he hit me, I hit (bit, scratched, fought) back. On many levels, this made me very tough- but it also engendered within me a problem with violence that persisted into young adulthood. Even now, I am very diplomatic, but it is unwise to cross me. My anger flares fast and burns hot. I got into a lot of fights during that period of my life, in spite of being female. I don’t really have a normal sense of fear and I’m very impulsive, to this day.

      Now? My father is as proud as hell at what I’ve become. It doesn’t hurt that I’m the successful leader of an organization that I founded. This strokes his narcissism to an incredible extent. *My* successes are *his*. His sense of ownership extends to me, too- and I love him fiercely for it.

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    2. A-

      Thank you, for your candid response!!!

      I imagine it was difficult, when your parents were separated. Did they end up getting back together?

      I would have been the same way, with my father's girlfriend(s).

      You must be very tough, to never have been intimidated by your father. I am glad you were able to "hold your own" with him. Did he seriously hurt you?

      I can understand, how you became a "fighter". Were your other fights with men and women?

      I try to imagine what it would be like, not to have fear.

      I can imagine how much work goes into creating and leading an organization-your father has a lot to be proud of!!!

      ~Vegas

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    3. My parents reconciled after my father did a short stint in rehab. By that time, he was in his mid-fifties, and he had started to mellow out. He hasn’t cheated on her since.

      I fought got into fights with people of both genders. Sometimes I sought them out. I enjoy confrontation, on various levels. But the pen is mightier than the sword. These days, I attempt to sublimate and sate that primal drive in other ways.

      All of the time my father spent in prison (almost a decade) was for violent crime. He once gouged someone's eye out- but was never convicted for it, presumably because the guy feared for his life. (I used to think he had ripped someone’s ear off, but I was mistaken. The words for eye and ear sound very similar in his native tongue.)

      In retrospect, I think he demonstrated a good deal of self-control, especially since my involvement with the authorities as a teenager could have brought down heat on our household. I was chronically defiant, and I did not respond to his verbal degradation or physical thrashing with submission or obedience. He (correctly) interpreted this as disrespect. He was a truly violent man, and I was a problem child.

      To his credit, he could have seriously hurt me, but he never did. He made me strong.

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    4. A-

      Did your father ever physically injure your mother?

      The pen is mightier than the sword.:)

      How do you satisfy your primal drive now?

      I'm glad your father never seriously hurt you.

      "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger".-Nietzsche

      ~Vegas

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    5. PS A-

      How do you think one can tell, if a sociopath's bond with them is weak or strong?

      ~Vegas

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  6. North-

    I thought of you today.:)

    The "Song of the Day", is for you:

    Jewel

    "Foolish Games"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNoouLa7uxA


    You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
    You're always crazy like that.
    And I watched from my window,
    Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
    You're always the mysterious one with
    Dark eyes and careless hair,
    You were fashionably sensitive
    But too cool to care.
    You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
    Besides some comment on the weather.

    Well in case you failed to notice,
    In case you failed to see,
    This is my heart bleeding before you,
    This is me down on my knees, and...

    These foolish games are tearing me apart,
    And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
    You're breaking my heart.

    You're always brilliant in the morning,
    Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
    Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
    You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
    As I clumsily strummed my guitar.

    You'd teach me of honest things,
    Things that were daring, things that were clean.
    Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
    I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
    Somewhere along the line, I must have gone
    Off track with you.

    Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else,
    Somebody who gave a damn,
    Somebody more like myself.

    These foolish games are tearing me,
    You're tearing me,
    You're tearing me apart,
    And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
    You're breaking my heart.

    You took your coat off,
    Stood in the rain,
    You're always crazy like that.

    ~Vegas

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  7. I think Jewel has the voice of an angel.:)

    She grew up in a small town called Homer, Alaska. I once visited the nearby cities of Girdwood and Anchorage. A restaurant/bar I went to in Girdwood, had framed pictures of Jewel on the wall. Girdwood is a VERY SMALL TOWN, and they were quite proud, that Jewel grew up in such close proximity...

    ~Vegas

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  8. That was hilarious XD i'd never heard of this guy but i'm gonna check out more of his standup.

    "It was a typical girlfriend idea - it sucks and it takes all saturday" hahaha, my friends are always wanting to do shit like this. i remember one horrendous christmas market that was just full of overpriced, homemade bad quality crap that was 'cool' just because it was eco-friendly or whatever...i just got drunk and started telling the stallholders that their stuff was shite and they should go get a proper job. At one point there was this fella with novelty wooden ties (just like a regular necktie but made of WOOD, wow) and charging 30 for them! I grabbed a handful of them and ran and threw them in the river. It's cool being an attractive woman and being able to get away with this stuff :)

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  9. I schmell a thoughtcrime

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  10. This clip was actually funny. I liked it. Comedians get away with saying true statements because anyone else would be battered for being honest.

    I used to make jokes similar to this but I did not actually think that stuff privately in my head. If I was with someone I'd make a joke similar to running folks over...I'm mentioning this because I'm still not 100% sure why I would say it but not mean it. I guess it was a way of being different and daring or perhaps there was a part deep inside that meant it but was dormant. I think the latter makes more sense because that part of almost came out when I was battered and left to myself. Thank God I didn't end up down that road.

    BTW I wonder what you psychos & socios think. Is this guy one of yous or just being a comedian? I'd say he was just being a comedian because if he meant it he would never say it openly...but then again he's a comedian and would get away with it.

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  11. You all do know M.E. is not a female lawyer right? It's some dude with mad hacker connections. Don't 'diss' his writing/website you might get on his little list.

    Commenting on someone's fucked up blog is no crime. Harassment is a crime though.

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    1. Maybe. I only enjoy reading and commenting here, I don't know and I don't care, but you sure do seem to know. Can you back up your claim?

      Let's try the scientific method, shall we?

      Step 1: Make an observation - M.E.'s not a female and a lawyer.
      Step 2: Ask a question - Why could M.E. possibly not be a female lawyer?
      Step 3: Make a hypothesis - I don't think M.E.'s a female lawyer because she's actually a male hacker with a lot of connections and a "hit list".
      Step 4: Test your theory, conduct an experiment, bring some proof - ???
      Step 5: Accept/Reject your theory

      Congratulations, currently your theory falls apart on step four. Good job :-)

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  12. I actually listened to an interview of hers. Her ID was kept anonymous of course. I guess you're suggesting she was a fake agent hired to do the interview?

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  13. Earlier today I met with my career counselor and someone else who'd be getting me connected with employment, and my counselor wanted me to express my personality to the woman I'd be working with in getting job placement. I didn't drop the word sociopath (why let a label with a heavy stigma attached get in the way?) on them, but I did candidly express all of my sociopathic traits to them.

    Employer: So ESTP, what can you add to our company that sets you apart from the rest.

    Wanker: Well I have been a criminal since I was young lad, I have indiscriminate sex, I'm prone to boredom, I manipulate people, I used to set things on fire, I don't accept criticism, I hate authority, I'm unpredictably impulsive, I'm a pathological liar, and I have no guilt for any of the filth I have done to the world.

    Employer: Ok, mate you are hired.

    If you do this in job interviews, you are a complete idiot.

    I've found an inner peace within myself because right now I have friends who accept me as I am, a sociopath, without having any prejudice towards me.

    Amazing that. Seeing that psychopaths are constantly being persecuted.

    It sure is hard out here with everyone falling for every lie told, birds throwing themselves at our feet, getting next to nothing sentences for crimes, stealing people's jobs, and having adoration from everyone even though we are complete bastards.

    The malignant narcissist is blindly spreading hate speech......
    My schizophrenic neighbor and friend came to me..............


    Where do you live, a fucking nuthouse?

    is still trying to accuse me of actually threatening to kill her? Does she really think it's worth buying into her self-serving morals of bottom-line expectations for "normal" people? Why perpetuate the vicious cycle? That's something about society I don't quite get. If war and murder are so bad, why perpetuate the cycle that allows for that kind of environment in the first place?

    never make a threat you are not willing to carry out. if you don't follow through you only make yourself weaker.

    don't play this poor me shite reverse victim nonsense. these pathetic stories are see-through.

    "I just dont understand because im just so socio-ratarded"

    next comes some shitebird who tries to explain to you what's what even though you know already. this blog is such an act.

    humanity is predictable. there is no wonder at what they think or what they do. not here, that is for sure.

    war and murder ha ha ha. what is the difference but what is acceptable. what is acceptable is nothing but perspective and perspective can be changed. perspective is like clay, and i am an artist on molding it.






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    1. As far as I have surmised, most people like their habits; they'd rather "feel good" and stay in their comfort zone than put in the effort to succeed and realize their dreams. I had a few of those "toxic" friends before (not necessarily narcissists), and they'd just live day-to-day, wasting their days with junk activities and stagnating.
      While you're "equals", all's fine and dandy, nothing can separate you, you are friends for life!
      The problem starts once you start rising - they'd rather everyone stay at their level (crab bucket mentality) than to see you succeed, because ot reminds them of their failure in life, so they'd try to stop you so they can continue to feel good about themselves, rather than take some risks and risk failure.
      They'd become envious, attribute your success to you "getting lucky" or something else; everyone wants the "magic bullet" or some shortcut to success.
      But eh, what can you do. Let them stew in the hell they created and find people who will help you because they want you to succeed.


      i completely agree with you.

      luck is preparation meeting opportunity. people who describe somebody as lucky are just fucktards who have no aspirations to be anything but a complete loser.

      most people want you to stay with them at the lower level that they are at. it makes them feel better about their own failure. that is why empathy is a weakness; it enables you to be as weak as the others around you.

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    2. "Employer: So ESTP, what can you add to our company that sets you apart from the rest.

      Wanker: Well I have been a criminal since I was young lad, I have indiscriminate sex, I'm prone to boredom, I manipulate people, I used to set things on fire, I don't accept criticism, I hate authority, I'm unpredictably impulsive, I'm a pathological liar, and I have no guilt for any of the filth I have done to the world.

      Employer: Ok, mate you are hired."

      LOL Dear god, still laughing three minutes later. LOL

      Please, please, be the real UKan from a few years ago!
      That brutal honesty cuts thru the crap like nothing else.

      "this blog is such an act."

      True, too true. Only worth the bother occasionally to get such a classic laugh.

      UKan's advice to 'Romania' some years back could do ESTP some good, maybe.

      XK

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    3. Who were you some years back?

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    4. "Who were you some years back?"

      I wasn't. I read very fast, I read the past years of the blog a year ago. Your stuff reminded me of people I knew/know across from where you are. It helped a lot.

      "never make a threat you are not willing to carry out. If you don't follow through you only make yourself weaker."
      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
      Very UKan. So I do B Leave 8-/

      I found such advice very useful. Also: crash dumbies, committment, and the rest.

      I did not post. Still don't really. However, your stuff - a gift. No flattery; true.

      And, that comment of yours above: priceless. 8-) 8-)

      This blog needs a good, very sharp pruning saw, nowadays. Just a thought?

      very best regards,

      XK

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    5. UKan hows it's going bro? long time ..

      Delete
  14. Well, Ukan, I guess I could chalk it up to my megalomania. My career counselor is a woman within the Department of Vocational Rehab, people that work with those with mental health disorders or other disabilities. I would hope that would include sociopathy; I want to have honesty and integrity with them, and I think that can help with my goal of establishing sociopath rights in society. As much as I adapt to society, society must adapt to me if we are to have a future where sociopaths do not have to hide in plain sight. I'm willing to be the catalyst (or part of it at least) for the change for the better for not just sociopaths, but humanity as a whole. Someone has to be adventurous enough, and maybe that's me.

    Something I might suggest is that both of us have constructive conversations that will aid me in achieving higher functioning; that's my greater agenda with being at this blog.

    ESTP Sociopath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop talking to yourself. It doesn't help that your BSing while you're at it. Get sociopaths rights and wants to help humanity...I think you've either lost it now or will very soon.

      The word "screws lose" comes to mind.

      Delete
    2. *screws loose*

      Could you list some rights that you will fight for on behalf of sociopaths? You must empathize with them so much that you're driven to win then their freedom - freedom to poison the rest of society. Please do enlighten us - what rights?

      Delete
    3. Well, as I've said before, "madness without delirium" is what some sources say about us. I've got dreams, and I have absolute confidence in my ability to obtain them. There is no room for self doubt.

      I might ask the world, "Are you going to stop me, do you still want to perpetuate the never ending war of 'Good' vs. 'Evil', or shall we overcome society's self-serving morals to meet bottomline expectations of what's expected of 'normal' people? These selfish morals perpetuate the very murders, wars, and other injustices that are our worldly problems. We can stop it, we can drop our masks, but society must want it."

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    4. "constructive conversations that will aid me in achieving higher functioning; that's my greater agenda with being at this blog."

      In which case:

      1] Be brief.

      2] Stop smoking weed prior to posting.

      3] Stop trying to philosophise [very pretentiously].

      On the plus side:
      4] Your spelling is OK.

      The more you say currently the more you're letting others notice your deficiencies. That's not a good idea.
      You're not being 'deep'; you're being foolish.

      I am *not* being nasty; you need to learn to take care [of yourself]. Then you'll be 'higher functioning'.

      XK

      Delete
    5. Marijuana being immoral is a lackluster moral in my opinion, superficial. I will speak as much as is necessary to tell my life story, to make the impact I want to make on the world, however small that may be. No heavy words can bring me down.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    6. "Marijuana being immoral is a lackluster moral in my opinion,"

      OK. LOL. This in now the fourth time you have not understood what I'm saying. Sigh. I can't believe I'm wasting my time again.

      Here goes:

      Don't smoke weed *before you post* BECAUSE YOU TALK SH*T as a result. Got it???

      'Immoral' marijuana? You really are living in a nuthouse aren't you.

      "superficial" huh? 8-)
      Can ESTP spell 'psychological projection'....?

      No more 'heavy words' ESTP. Waste of time.

      XK

      Delete
    7. I will add my experience and opinion on marijuana. I don't consider it "immoral, evil" or whatever else - it is what it is, a tool that can have it's uses and a drug. I also want to add this is not to bring you down, make you feel inferior, or whatever else, this is just constructive criticism.

      Smoking it periodically, say twice a month or so, is good for relaxation, pain relief and just "enjoying the moment".
      However, smoking it frequently, every day, three times a week, and so on, will make you slow, lazy, complacent and even maybe fat.

      When I smoked it in the past, very frequently I may add, I didn't want to do anything other than sit around in the house doing nothing. It completely killed my motivation and made me a lazy fuck just watching TV all day, procrastinating on the internet and sleeping.
      The people which I knew, which also smoked weed frequently, did the similar - there was not much talking, except for the first hour of smoking or so, and the rest would be spent just watching cartoons, epic fails and the like.
      Thankfully, that era in my life is long gone. These people, they'd get offended when I said that I don't want to smoke - how dare I do something else, like improve myself and get my shit in order! In their opinion, marijuana is "natural, a cure, one of the best things life has to offer".

      I don't really care what you do. If you consider weed as an important part of your life, and it works for you, then by all means smoke it. But in my experience, smoking it very frequently and thinking it somehow "enhances you" is not a good mindset to have; everything can be learned with practice, patience and determination. Weed doesn't "create something you don't have", it simply unleashes what you already have, and that means you can find a way to "unlock it naturally" - if you don't have the required receptors, hormones, and whatever else, then it won't work. Why depend on something, a crutch, when you can learn how to do it on your own? It's good to use it as "a starter, a guide" that can help you find your way in life, but using it as a crutch is bad.

      Delete
    8. Just like drinking alcohol responsiblely, I would imagine you must also smoke weed responsibly. I've never had an issue with smoking too much weed except perhaps in one period of my life for a brief period of time; I smoke weed because I believe it has theraputic qualities useful for lowering impulsivity, pacifiying aggressiveness, reducing anxiety (I recognize we have this, in the form of 'critical examination and consideration'; we don't necessarily have the emotional maturity right away to recognize our own overthinking as such), and much more I'm sure. It's something I use while I develop heightened power in the various areas of what will be required of me to be a higher functioning sociopath. To put it into perspective, I see it as almost like psycho training wheels on the high functioning psycho bike. Not a hindrance at all but a useful tool to be utilized to my advantage for betterment.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    9. Well, I don't smoke it at all anymore - I don't really use anything except alcohol (rarely), coffee, black tea and cigarettes. I may smoke it if there's some use to it (if it will get me ahead socially and so). Alcohol, coffee, cigarettes, I have no problems with that, I've never had problems stopping my usage of them and withdrawals, but weed created problems to me, so I avoid it - it's simply too cheap, too plentiful and too strong where I live, and it's easy to "fall down the rabbit hole".

      Truth be told, one of unexpected "starters" that got me on my way of self-improvement, to stop smoking weed, start experimenting and beat any challenge, and so on, was amphetamine sulphate ("standard" speed, not meth"), and I didn't find it addictive at all, basically no cravings at all. When on it I could beat anyone at anything and rapidly become an instant expert at whatever I wanted (I can compare it to "NZT-48" from "Limitless"). However, I don't use it anymore at all, not for a long time, as everything I could do on it, I can now do "naturally" - it has outlived it's usefulness and I don't need it nor use it anymore.

      If weed is your "starter", not a "crutch" as you claim, then I am happy for you - I hope you will use it wisely, because if speed could propel me on my path, so can weed hopefully propel you on yours.

      Delete
    10. ESTP:

      So I guess by "rights for sociopaths" you just mean your usual socio / psycho agenda: breakdown social norms, morality and civilization as a whole. When you're in significant you'll have balls to take off the mask because you'll have "rights" then. I got it now. You just confuse those of us who use language honestly.

      P.S. I used to be a regular weed smoker (at least a dozen times a month except when I was managing my company). It's been 4.5 months since I last smoked. I have no desire whatsoever anymore since God opened my eyes. This is a personal miracle for me - that I don't even WANT weed.

      Delete
    11. "When you're in significant NUMBERS"

      I just never learn to proof read (one of my "socio" traits I still need to work on).

      Delete
    12. You last smoked 4.5 months ago. The reason you stopped smoking was because "god" opened your eyes.

      So, I can conclude that you're a "god's servant" for only 4.5 months, a miniscule amount of time to declare it as an "ultimate way of life". Yet you were constantly preaching for everyone to accept God and "see the light" because that's the only and the best way to live life, and that all other choices don't matter. Okay mate, you've found your salvation, you got high off the nice feeling it gave you, now why don't you let others find their own way? I can only hope you'll cease promoting god, but so far it didn't happen.

      Cheers!

      Delete
    13. So you decided to narcissistically lash out against me in a completely different comment right after instead of rationally addressing my "challenge" directly. And almost two hours later, you still haven't.
      Hahahahaha, what's wrong, mate? Got a bad case of bad feels?

      Congratulations, you've just lost even the tiny little modicum of respect I might've had for you. You won't get any more rational debating from me. Pathetic.

      Delete
    14. "You won't get any more rational debating from me."

      This is cheating I never got any before either. Oh wait, sociopaths do that. Nevermind.

      Delete
    15. It is very likely that you really didn't get what I meant. I'm not not smoking weed because of any prohibition or to be "god's servant." I meant I'm perfectly content and happy with my sober mind and having it any other way now is a turn off.

      Delete
    16. Yes I did. Your assumptions are wrong.

      Say, that's quite the leap of logic there, Socrates. Where did you learn to think, Logics'R'Us? Or was it a voice from God?

      So you mean, getting intoxicated is a "turn off" to you, as in, you cannot "get it on"? Shame on you, getting all sober and pretending to accept god just so you can get it on and have sex...
      God knows what you're up to, you fiend! He shall judge you for your evil desire, you shall burn in hell, for all eternity! Sinner!

      Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

      Delete
    17. You don't wish that to be the case because it'll make you envious. At the same time you wish that were the case because then you'd have a chance - or so you think.

      If I were a fiend I wouldn't hide it and would probably not bother wasting time (as I would see it then) here. I have no reason to be here except to counter sociopathic nonsense and, with any luck, actually help some people.

      My life is such that if I now decide to sell my integrity for the sake or "fun" I'd never be able to respect myself again. I would be betraying God for the huge favor (amongst many) that He did for me when I was all alone and desperate for help. I've been betrayed multiple times, by people close to me who I trusted. You think I'm going to forget that and embrace the life of a chimp, and throw back at God the amazing gift He's given me?

      If all that wasn't enough, I can see what following your lust leads to clearly in the psychos who betrayed me. They - which includes members of my immediate family - only had to give me a minute of genuine heart to heart to save me from mood swings & depression but they watched me callously, only adding to my trouble by lying about everything even more. How low & disgusting can a person get? All because they need to feel like they rule the world and keep on screwing.

      Delete
    18. Socioempath-

      Will you keep posting for me???

      I like to read your posts.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    19. PS Socioempath-

      We have a lot in common.:)

      I used to smoke weed a lot, but only rarely if at all, now. Everyone who knows me, knows I am a coffee/tea/cigarettes girl.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    20. Ding ding ding ding ding!

      Behold! The great mirror has answered! Jonaid delivers, once again!

      My eyes just can't believe this... masterpiece of written form. We have a real wordsmith here! You literally bring a smile to my face, yu brighten up my day. You're doing god's work here, J!

      Here, I award thee... Ignorant clown of the year award! You deserve something for all your efforts! Just remember, psychology isn't your thing, bro, just leave it be - honest advive right there.
      You get no more crumbs of attention from me, oh great and magnificent mirror!
      So long and thanks for all the laughs :-)

      Vegas - I won't stop posting. I'll just stop giving the narcissist any more attention. I have figured that, if nobody adresses him, is the worst thing that could happen to him here and he could even leave. Don't worry :-)

      Delete
    21. Socioempath-

      That is exactly what I said, awhile back!!! When everyone's attempts at making him go away failed, I said if we ignored him long enough, that he just might go away...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    22. Socioempath-

      He went on a trip for awhile, so we got a reprieve, but now he's back.:(

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    23. Socioempath-

      I think Jonaid might "like you".:)

      I noticed he retracted a couple of his posts, when the two of you were exchanging, and I've never seen him retract his posts before.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    24. Yes, that was my strategy - break the mirror, then leave it broken, no attention at all costs.

      Oh yeah, I have three versions of one song for you. The song is very peculiar - just an instrumental, but it will make anything you do epic, be it walking, smoking, breathing: practically anything.

      Original
      Metal version of original, closely following it
      Metal interpretation of the original

      Delete
    25. Socioempath-

      I'm glad you won't stop posting, and that I don't have to worry.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    26. Hehehehe, to leave because of Jonaid, now that would be hilarious! I don't break that easily :-)

      Delete
    27. Socioempath-

      I LOVED THAT SONG!!!

      I think it is my favorite song, you've given me so far.:)

      I like instrumental music.:)

      I like music that makes anything I do epic!!!

      You are "especially sweet" today, by the way.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    28. Socioempath-

      I meant to tell you-not that you don't already know:

      YOU HAVE SOME HOT CHICKS IN YOUR AREA OF THE WORLD!!!

      I was on a cruise once, and one of the female crew members who was serving us drinks, was from Croatia.

      SHE WAS GORGEOUS!!!

      I enjoyed talking to her.:)

      I love traveling and seeing new places, experiencing different cultures, and meeting and interacting with new people!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    29. It must be magic!

      I've had some sort of stomach flu last week, but still I wanted to post here - no sickness is gonna affect my mind! And yesterday it was completely gone, finally I can go out! Oh, and it must be because of the music :-)

      And let's give Jonaid some music too! Hehehehehehehe

      To thy narcissist of the decade, I dedicate to thee;
      You think I'm gonna fall for you,
      You reckon that I'm going right through,
      But I ain't no adolescent,
      I'm just gonna keep you guessing,
      You ain't gonna stitch me up,
      You'll find that I'm real bad luck,
      I'm gonna leave you babe,
      But think of the money you'll save,
      You tell me, Tales Of Glory,
      But I know...
      Whoa babe, it's the same old story!

      Delete
    30. Yeah, here it's still more "adapt or die" rather than "everyone's equal" - you either work for your fortune, suck it up, there's no pampering, you get what you deserve, you reap what you sow, altough that's slowly changing due to western influences - it's weird, on surfuce everyone's "for equality" but in reality, they'll pounce mercilessly on your weaknesses, exploit them or bring you down brutally and harshly, so you better learn the game and hide your scars; if you don't like blood, you better close the door.

      That means fat girls don't get much love here, and the uglier ones are masters of makeup and acting - I've seen quite a few of the fat ones get thin because of it. And I might've been responsible for the thinning of one or two of them. My good deed to them hehehehehe :-)

      Delete
    31. Socioempath-

      I'm glad you're feeling better-it was because of the music.:)

      People don't like fat girls in Bosnia??? It's not my forte, but there are people who prefer "larger" people.:)

      How might you be responsible for the "thinning of one or two of them"??? Did you use them and lose them??? Were they fat, at the start???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    32. Yes, they were fat and always complaining, so I teased them (not so hard that they break, mind you), which made them insecure so they lost weight, which I complimented them on, they didn't get fat anymore and were much happier, so I guess they were grateful.

      Delete
    33. P. S.
      Yeah, even here there are those who prefer "larger" girls, but I have noticed that there is a limit on how much. Just a little bit overweight still got them somewhere, but the really fat ones, well, they don't get much love, altough there are still men (less than 1%, I'd say about 0.1%) who don't mind the "extra meat" - I knew one guy, physically he was very above average, but socially inept, and he didn't mind it, it was just a shame he was a narcissist so I don't hang out with him anymore :-)

      But the fat girls that everyone tolerates and likes to hang out with are those who like to have fun, party, don't complain, et cetera - their weight doesn't bother them. Even those types, however, while free of teasing and pressures, can't find someone to commit to them easily.

      Delete
    34. Socioempath-

      Why were you with them, if they were always "fat and complaining"???

      I am glad you didn't "break" them.:)

      Why didn't you keep them, once they lost weight and stopped complaining???

      I'm glad they are happier, and grateful to you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    35. Socioempath-

      I liked the Korpiklaani song and poem, too!!!

      They are about "love".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    36. I wasn't involved romantically with them, just friends with them. It was before I was socioempathic - it was more like teasing than harsh criticisms, more in line with joking, and they were part of my circle of friends. But, as time passes by, well, people go their own way, so I guess we gradually stopped seeing each other, as their interests (and their crab bucket mentality) conflicted with mine - namely, my quest for self-improvement and other things I talked about.

      I am glad you liked the song - it is quite a nice Old Tale about love and sacrifice, I guess it's a folk tale from where the band comes from, Finland.

      Delete
    37. Socioempath-

      Why weren't you involved with them romantically???

      Like Bosnia, I have yet to visit Finland, but hope to someday.:)

      If you were visiting your country-what would you see and do???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    38. Socioempath-

      There's nothing like "Insider Tips".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    39. I like him - you (Mr multiple IDs) - more than he - you - likes himself. That much I admit.

      The idea is not to make your current, diseased state of mind leave, not you. Calling me a narcissist doesn't mean anything and doesn't change the past. Don't lie to yourself and others.

      Delete
    40. *The idea is to make your current, diseased state of mind leave, not you.*

      Still not proof reading!

      Delete
    41. Socioempath-

      Can you translate what Jonaid just said for me, please???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    42. A call to attention, a simple narcissistic lash-out - just ignore him. Notice how he is suddenly very concerned by his spelling and how he will very carefully present himself as perfect - everything has to be perfect.

      I didn' "co-mingle" with friends; as I remember it, I had a belief that it may somehow ruin our friendship if it turned out catastrophical, so I'd find strangers - if I fail, no harm done, while if I succeed, I get a new exciting person without prior preconceptions and familiarity to get in the way.

      I didn't travel as much in my own country as abroad, as here I enjoy more to drive around and enjoy the drive, as cities I find too similar, yet still every city has it's own culture. I'll suggest a few.

      Mostar, in addition to an okay "modern life", has an Old City, made completely out of stone (similar to Dubrovnik), and it's interesting to walk there.
      Banja Luka is Serbian, it has a lot more women than men, people are generally nice to you there and make small talk, like to joke around, so you can guess I liked it there :-)
      Sarajevo, well... I found it too messy, with very high amount of smog; it may be just me, but people there just don't seem to shower too often. I didn't visit it too many times.
      Blidinje and Kupres are pretty nice if you like snow and skiing.
      I found Čapljina to have a really good night life, but it was a little while since I've been there.

      I suggest you visit villages and small towns in Herzegovina - there are a lot of natural wonders to see there. One example is a Vjetrenica (translation: windy or wind-like) cave there, there's always cold wind blowing from the entrance, even on the hottest days of summer.
      So, if you like sightseeing (as I think you do), you should visit places like Zavala, Rama, Prozor, Kravice and so on.

      And as for food, in addition to "ćevapi" (yum), you should also try "pršut" and "slanina", very nice meats made out of pork - here's it's commonly believed that pršut and slanina make you strong and healthy.
      And as for alcohol, forget vodka; loza is what separates the men from the boys ;-)

      Delete
    43. Socioempath-

      Each city does indeed, have its own culture.:)

      Mostar sounds cool-I love walkable old stone cities.:) I would like to visit Dubrovnik someday, too.:)

      I think I would like Banja Luka.:)

      Sarajevo-hmmm...I agree with you, about not liking smog and "unshowered people", but I'm sure I wouldn't let that deter me from visiting.:)

      Blidinje and Kupres sound cool, too-I do like snow and skiiing.:)

      Capljina-I LOVE GOOD NIGHT LIFE!!!

      Herzegovina--I LOVE VILLAGES AND SMALL TOWNS!!! Vjetrenica-that sounds cool!!!

      Zavala, Rama, Prozor, Kravice-I do like to sightsee.:)

      Those pork dishes sound YUMMY!!!

      What is loza??? I am a "Whiskey Girl".:)

      Thank you, for all of your suggestions-I really appreciate it!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    44. Well, it doesn't hurt to visit it, you may like it regardless, altough people from before the war constantly preach that it was one of the nicest cities here, and that ever since muslims became the majority in the city and overtook it, it has become much uglier and drab. I wouldn't know, though, since I didn't know how it looked like before.

      Loza is our "variation" of vodka - a really raw version of an already raw drink. People in villages (especially elder people) consider it as one on the good things in life, they talk and socialize regularly while drinking it, and I think it really captures the spirit and mindset of "traditional" people - raw, direct and can really knock you outta your socks! Just like (raw, pure, without additives) vodka may capture the "spirit" of Russians, loza captures the "spirit" of traditional Croats and Serbs.

      I guess it's an acquired taste, I suggest you try it once. It's an unique experience :-)

      While we're in the spirit of balkans, I'll leave a really nice metal rendition of a folk song called Đurđevdan (St. George's Day). The video contains a really accurate english translation. Interesting thing about the song, Serbs and Gypsies (called Roma people) always claim the song as their own, they can't decide who made it first, altough it is sung both in Serbian (in the video) and in the language of Roma people (Romans? Romanians?). I think you're gonna like it.

      Delete
    45. That's a lot of time spent trying to make us think you're two different people.

      Anyway, you indulge yourself as you see fit. Let's agree to avoid each other you want that too.

      Ciao.

      Delete
    46. BTW it wasn't a spelling error I left out a whole word, which I assume you know changes the meaning altogether. One has to be extra careful in a socio blog - I know you think you know everything and don't read thoroughly or at all (or is it that you actually can't comprehend what you do read?).

      I'm telling you you're losing it. Don't lose it turn around.

      Delete
  15. haha oh my god you're just hilarious...you know you're in a dark, dark place in life when even Jonaid is making sense in an argument against you XD

    "I'm willing to be the catalyst (or part of it at least) for the change for the better for not just sociopaths, but humanity as a whole. Someone has to be adventurous enough, and maybe that's me."

    What change do sociopaths actually need?? I mean, when the world is set up in such a way that they can game whatever system they choose to play and just take whatever they want, what more do they could they get and how would greater awareness of sociopathy be anything but a hindrance?

    "I'm still progressing into a higher functioning sociopath..."
    Yeah, you see my definition of 'higher functioning' would be someone who has a source of income, doesn't live in a homeless shelter for crazies and doesn't come off as a thoroughly institutionalised, deranged lunatic writing paragraphs upon paragraphs about some nutter who accused them of knocking on a door too loud. It's not a high bar to achieve, and yet somehow you don't have plans for achieving even this...

    "I suppose I could throw a fake laugh at her, but that kind of instrumental sadism may or may not be necessary"

    No, I meant just like actually really laughing at her, because the situation is funny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "because the situation is funny"

      It sure is. LOL.

      XK

      Delete
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    fix your marriage and relationship after a breakup or divorce, 100% guarantee Love spell..! A very big problem occurred in my Marriage seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce. he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited. TEMPLEOFLOVEANDPROSPERITY@GMAIL.COM. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day. What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me, and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact Dr Frank Ojo, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com . My name is Amanda Bryan, me & my family live in Toronto, Canada. Thanks for reading .

    ReplyDelete
  20. Come on ME are you seriously asking that? It's a comedy show and Bill Buhr has a controversial style that some people love and others hate. The only way this post would be more ridiculous is if you used the legend that is and forever will be, George Carlin. Show your therapist that video and ask her the same question bc if she answers with anything other than confusion than it's time to seek out alternatives. Try the Adderall if age is catching up and find the standards you write about in Confessions bc they appear to be missing here.

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