Friday, February 19, 2016

Sociopaths in Poetry: Keats' "La Belle Dame sans Merci"

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and pale loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful,a fairy’s child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A fairy’s song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
‘I love thee true’.

She took me to her Elfin grot,
And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lullèd me asleep,
And there I dreamed—Ah! woe betide!—
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried—‘La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!’

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gapèd wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.

John Keats

167 comments:

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  2. Beautiful poetry, M.E.. It speaks volumes.

    If morality is the battle of "good" versus "evil", what do we have if the battle ends? Peace. I do take into critical consideration what others have been saying, so if we cannot eradicate morality (the subjective morals based on context), and true injustice from that prevails (self-serving morals denying the everlasting peace; racism, religions, war, murder and so on), then we can almost certainly come to the conclusion that none of it truly matters. It's a joke, and such a incredibly good joke.

    ESTP Sociopath

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    Replies
    1. Morality is a completely man made construct much like religion and laws. In my opinion it only exists because there are people-like sociopaths-who abuse the rights that all rational human beings inherently agree on. It has nothing to do with right or wrong or good or bad.

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    2. In other words if there were no sociopaths there would be no need for morality. Or jails. Or religion. Sociopaths themselves perpetuate all of the injustices. They need morality. They need a guideline to fight against.

      Delete
    3. It is a joke. But no more meaningful or meaningless than anything else. Morality emerges from our sociality - a sociality that incorporates competition for resources.

      Competition is not 'evil' yet it leads to what people refer to as evil. Consider it is those with power who create the rhetoric; consider the human brain is designed to convince; consider our sociality has aided us to effectively allocate resources as a group to safeguard the survival of our genepool; consider on just how many levels we are wired to compete.

      As Christopher S Hyatt says: all communication is hypnotism.

      Delete
  3. I love this poem. I don't however see the correlation to sociopaths.. I believe he was speaking of his fear of his impending death.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. He's a knight dying on the battlefield and his fellow comrade-knights warn him to acknowledge the reality of his experience. That he's spellbound, under the enchanting thrall of death, the beauty and trepidation of mortal release and unknown flight, which urges acceptance, not defeat. The Fair Maiden's magic soothes and elevates his demise. His future transfiguration into spirit.

      No birds sing but yet he loiters . . . illusions appear magical and ease the pain of transistion from earthly to spiritual life.

      Mr. Hyde

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    2. That is lovely Mr Hyde.

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    3. Mr. Hyde-

      You are "pure eloquence", as usual.:)

      Thank you for interpreting that poem.:) I was unsure as to its meaning-your overview was perfection!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  4. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

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  5. The only thing that is truly meaningless is evil. It is absolutely not necessary.

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  6. Interesting how one commenter says they do not see sociopathy within this poetry; within the context of the sociopathic mindset, we see reflections of ourselves within artwork because that is the perception of beauty we are able to see from within art; whatever original conception of beauty the artist intended to portray through their art ceases to truly be just that once the art is put out into the world. The beauty of the artwork becomes infinitely facted by the countless unique human perspectives in our world; the true beauty then lies within the eye of the beholder, and for us, sociopaths, we see the same sociopathic beauty within ourselves in the artwork we perceive to hold that beauty.

    ESTP Sociopath

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    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree that art is subjective. The lady without mercy could be seen as a sociopath I suppose. I see her as death.

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  9. "If morality is the battle of "good" versus "evil", what do we have if the battle ends? Peace."

    Many will have peace, lasting peace, and more. Some unfortunate souls will have the opposite, and worse. I prefer to use "Truth" vs "Falsehood" rather than good / evil.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

      "By the fig and the olive,

      By Mount Sinai,

      And by this land made safe;

      Surely We created man of the best stature

      Then We reduced him to the lowest of the low,

      Save those who believe and do good works, and theirs is a reward unfailing.

      So who henceforth will give the lie to thee about the judgment?

      Is not God the most conclusive of all judges?"

      Qur'an Chapter 95: The Fig

      Delete
    2. So... To continue our respectful little conversation about the manner of Muhammad's death....

      “BTW, you haven't a clue if it is a "strong" hadith or a "weak" hadith or a total fabrication. Neither do I as neither of us are qualified to speak on the authenticity of individual hadiths. I don't much care as a Muslim in this regard. It is not the reason why I believe and on this particular issue it doesn't matter because conclusive evidence from actual historical sources proves your allegation is not only false but impossible.”

      How does you or I “not being qualified” to “speak on the authenticity” of any particular Hadith of any import whatsoever when a simple Google search will reveal what the most prominent Islamic scholars think? Or do you consider yourself more qualified than these learned men- all of them devout Muslims far better than yourself- to pass judgment on the matter?

      Historical sources do not “prove the *strong hadiths’* allegations false or impossible (for unlike you mischaracterize, they are not my allegations); on the contrary, their near universal acceptance by Islamic scholars as authentic and reliable provides strong evidence to support their claims. The Hadith I quoted came from Sahih al Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, which are considered by scholars to be the two most authentic, sound collections. (Indeed, the designation “Sahih” refers to their being “sound”)

      So which is it? Are you merely ignorant of the core theological tenets of your religion, or are you attempting to deliberately misrepresent and obfuscate certain facets of Islam? Perhaps charging you with Taqiyaa overestimates your understanding of these matters. Either way, your semantic gymnastics and attempts to circumvent logic are not fooling or convincing anyone, here.

      *I've addressed your hadith query multiple times and from multiple ANGLES*

      No, you haven't. You've sought only to deflect away from and dismiss critical issues, claiming that you've "settled" them, somehow- when you won't even engage my points directly!

      How can you when run away from me, every single time? XD


      Delete
  10. Socioempath-

    Will you keep posting? I like to read your posts.:)

    Do you have a "Song of the Day"???

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. Yes I will. I'll just stop giving the narcissist anymore attention. I figured that, should nobody address him, give him no attention, that will be the worst thing to happen to him here, and he might even leave.

      How about this one? It's just an intstrumental, but by god, it is powerful and goosebumpy.
      Hmmm... I was thinking about what you said, that no sociopaths you talked to could get goosebumps while I did.
      When I think about it, I've always liked music as a whole, lyrics never had any importance to me, but bonus points if they fit the overall theme of the song - to me, it's as if it's just another instrument, without any special importance. Which means, music has always led me on an adventure, as I would imagine long stories unfolding over an hour or more (how long was the playlist); when listening to music I can create unique worlds in my head which can stretch over quite a few songs, as if I'm watching a great movie unfold! Guess that's why I didn't really "get" genres such as rap, as it was just one element -lyrics, with inatruments as just something to play in the background, an afterthought. I have always looked at music as a complete package, every instrument (including the singer and lyrics) has it's purpose, and contributes to the whole, conveying emotions and stirring up imagination.
      My song of the day, well, has one of the stories that goes something like this: you are outnumbered, constantly under attacks from everyone, but they have underestimated you, their attacks didn't break you, and now it's time to return the favor with interest and dominate.

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      We are music lovers.:)

      I can tell you genuinely like music, by the way you are able to describe its affect on you.:)

      When music is powerful, I get goosebumps, and it "moves me".:) I completely agree, that in all things-each part is important, in completing the "whole".:)

      I find music, art, literature, movies, etc., to be "unique worlds", as well!!! Each it's own adventure and experience!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Socioempath-

      I find a correlation between Jewel's "Foolish Games" video, and Keats' poem, M.E. shared.:)

      I imagine the "La Belle Dame Sans Merci", to look similar to what Jewel looks like in her "Foolish Games" video.:)

      Do you think so, too, or is it just me???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    4. Yeah, it was weird - I would read poetry, but it didn't have any effect on me, but if it's in the form of music, I'd "get" the meaning, no matter how deep or hard to comprehend it is. So I'd devise a nice exercise - I'd listen to music (any music) and read the poetry and I'd "get" it! And this woul translate into my writing skills. I think I'm gonna extend this exercise to every art form until I develop an exquisite taste for every one of them.

      Old Tale by Korpiklaani is an great example of poetry I just wouldn't "get" by only reading, but in music form I feel as if I do - how the characters feel, their motivation, and so on.

      Delete
    5. " Guess that's why I didn't really "get" genres such as rap, as it was just one element -lyrics, with inatruments as just something to play in the background, an afterthought. "

      Funny, I see it as center stage, straightforward and the opposite to background and afterthought.

      Delete
  11. PS Socioempath-

    We have a lot in common!!!

    Everyone who knows me, knows I am a coffee/tea/cigarette girl.:)

    ~Vegas

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  12. M.E.-

    Thank you, for the poetry.:)

    I was not familiar with Keats, so I Googled him.:)

    This was listed, as one of his quotes:

    "You are always new. The last of your kisses was ever the sweetest; the last smile the brightest; the last movement the gracefullest."

    I loved that.:)

    Then, it made me think of this song:

    Pink Floyd's "High Hopes"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jMlFXouPk8


    Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
    In a world of magnets and miracles
    Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
    The ringing of the division bell had begun

    Along the Long Road and on down the Causeway
    Do they still meet there by the Cut

    There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
    Running before time took our dreams away
    Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
    To a life consumed by slow decay

    The grass was greener
    The light was brighter
    With friends surrounded
    The nights of wonder

    Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
    To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
    Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
    Dragged by the force of some inner tide

    At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
    We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world

    Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
    There's a hunger still unsatisfied
    Our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
    Though down this road we've been so many times

    The grass was greener
    The light was brighter
    The taste was sweeter
    The nights of wonder
    With friends surrounded
    The dawn mist glowing
    The water flowing
    The endless river

    Forever and ever

    ~Vegas

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  13. "Yes I will. I'll just stop giving the narcissist anymore attention. I figured that, should nobody address him, give him no attention, that will be the worst thing to happen to him here, and he might even leave."

    Can you guarantee that you - and your host of IDs - will not caricature what I say? Will not deliberately clog the space around me? Yes, losing your attention will certainly be of help. Now go on, give the readers here some sure way of knowing you'll keep to yourself and your fan base (you, you and you...and North I guess?).

    Thanks.

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  14. M.E.-

    The tweet:

    "Turns out empath brain wiring can make it easy for them to hurt others too", is true.

    We are all capable of hurting others...

    ~Vegas

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  15. Of course we are all capable of hurting others. The difference is it never occurs to some to hurt others.

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    Replies
    1. Well said, really. Healthy minds CAN hurt others but due to a misunderstanding or circumstances beyond their control. They would never think about hurting others. In fact the healthier the mind, the more it would actually wish good for others.

      The difference is obvious.

      Delete
  16. Anon 4:39-

    You are absolutely correct.:)

    ~Vegas

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  17. As I covered in a previous post, those who suffer temporal lobe epilepsy 70% of them when their personality is assessed is clearly psychopathic, and perhaps this is what activated my psychopath genetics/inflicted damage to the brain regions associated with psychopathy. I was ruminating about the past and had a recollection of a memory of a second seizure after my first one of when my brother struck me in the head with a heavily packed snowball and triggered a seizure; as a young adult, I had pricked the tip of my index finger of my right writing hand on a sharp object. I held my hand before my face and felt a intense fascination with the beauty of the significant amount of blood flowing from the tip of my finger, and then the seizure took grip of me and I collapsed to the ground. "Signed in blood" indeed.

    Last night I watched "The Silence of the Lambs" for the first time. Beautiful cinematography. I can see so much of myself within Hannibal Lecter, his artistic vision, his utilization of his great intelligence through his power of observation to discern information he could greatly use to his advantage, his thirst to see the world and so much more. I plan on watching it again tonight to gleam more insight.

    ESTP Sociopath

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    Replies
    1. Watch "Good Will Hunting" instead. I love the ending.

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    2. If everything you say is true, than in Robin Williams' words: it's not your fault. It's not your fault.

      Delete
    3. I've watched an interesting movie last week, called "There will be blood", which may be of interest to you. There isn't much plot, the movie focuses mostly on the sociopathic protagonist and his actions, how he deceives and manipulates people, how he achieves success. You could say that the protagonist is the plot of this movie. In any case, I liked it.

      Delete
    4. Curious, Jonaid. Out of all the psychopaths on this blog, you choose me to have a moment of compassion? To the best of my knowledge, it's never anyone's fault for being what we are, "acquired" psychopathy or "genetic" (the genetic psychopathy I would understand you think is a choice?) psychopathy are still both psychopathy and both live through the experience of having no choice over the matter.

      I understand how some people would think my life story sounds like a movie script straight out of Hollywood, and I have enough humility to acknowledge this, and it is all 100% accurate assuming my memory allows me to recall all the details correctly. For the second seizure I remember the small clinic I went to, and they wanted to take me to the hospital to get me checked out completely. My mother was apparently infuriated with me, but how exactly could I have known I was going to have a seizure? Her barbaric shaming had nothing to be rationally backed up with besides the fact she didn't want to spend money on me to make sure my health was in good order. I recognize now how my home environment was one lacking in love as that's what I've gleamed from hearing feedback from others who hear from me of my childhood, living in poverty most of my early childhood, left alone by myself (which I didn't mind actually, all the more time to do as I please) for long stretches of time, going hungry and living on a diet of hot dogs and Top Ramen as that was what my single mother could afford on her small paycheck. My father couldn't be bothered to pitch in, always running off in his muscle car to have fun at parties and blow his paychecks on drugs; they divorced roughly around the time I was five years old. In the mean time, my psychopathic brother (I assume he is so based off the clichés of compulsive serial killing of domesticated animals and his violent tendencies) took it upon himself to drastically change my life forever with one ice hard snowball.

      What a life. It's been a real adventure though, and I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. What happens, happens because it was meant to be.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    5. Socioempath-

      I'm sorry you lost me yesterday.:(

      I need to read your post, and listen to the song!!!

      What is going on with Jonaid??? It sounds like he thinks you and I are the same people, posting under different names...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. Thanks, Socioempath, for the film recommendation. I'll add it to my to-do list and see when I can make time to watch it.

      ESTP Sociopath

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    7. Who cares, really. He's grasping for straws. I don't want to give him attention, so he'll get none from me.

      Delete
    8. ESTP, I've been trying some strategy on Jonaid: break the mirror (using your "dark side", ridiculing him and whatever else), then leave it broken, no attention afterward so he doesn't get to "prove" himself and "fix" his mirror. The effects on him, as you probably noticed, are very interesting. Perhaps this strategy could work against him.

      Delete
    9. Socioempath-

      I don't really care, but it does freak me out.:)

      You always know "what's what", so I thought I'd ask, if that's what you thought he's saying...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    10. He's trying to "fix" his mirror, and doesn't have an explanation - as I guess it, in his mind, I am "evil", a bad guy, and he cannot accept that I can converse with somebody without deception. And he cannot accept defeat, as he considers himself "superior" and "holier-than-thou", therefore, I am intelectually inferior to him. Your comments two blog posts ago also hurt his ego. Also, I have used both rational discussion and Machiavellian "debating", and this duality confuses him. Thus, the only explanation he could come up with is multiple ID's.

      Delete
    11. Socioempath-

      Thank you, for explaining that.:)

      He has totally lost it, and his posts aren't even coherent anymore.

      I hope you aren't annoyed, that I asked.:)

      It seems like he specifically thinks you and I are the same person...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. Socioempath-

      You are so intelligent!!!

      I find your mind truly amazing.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    13. He's paranoid. I took the time to critically analyze him at that time, highlight his slander, his narcissist sadism, and his seemingly obvious to my perception narcissist manipulation tactics. Based on the crowdsourced overall opinion of him that people have made, and my own best interpretation of what behaviors he expresses here, he's very likely a malignant narcissist.

      When I'm bored I like mentally sparing with him for the sake of stimulating my mind, but besides that I'm content with ignoring Jonaid. He just wants his narc' supply.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    14. I think ESTP also nailed it pretty nicely.

      Anyway, why should I be annoyed? Let him think whatever he wants; does it matter that much what a complete stranger on the internet thinks about you?

      Let's have some celebratory "evil" songs by Judas Priest! Three for the price of one!
      Hellrider!
      All Guns Blazing!
      Hard As Iron!

      Delete
    15. Socioempath-

      I know I will love Sarajevo, if I get to visit!!!

      I know I will love Loza, too!!! Sounds yummy!!! I'm sure it's a unique experience.:)

      I REALLY LOVED THE FOLK SONG!!! I was really thankful for the English translation, too!!!

      How did you know, I love folk music???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    16. Socioempath-

      You already know me, and know just what to say.:)

      Did you miss me?

      Three songs, without even asking.:) You are especially generous to me, today.:)

      I'm still listening to the folk song you gave me-over and over.:) I do that, with music I like.:) It's a beautiful song...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    17. I didn't "know", but I had a certain instinct you might, coupled with the fact that you love music, and various unrelated genres. That song is, to me, very "melodic, epic" (as are a lot of folk songs), I guessed that was maybe your favorite "type" of music (the "melodic, epic..." ones), so that song might just "hit the spot" :-)

      I always aim to talk and answer questions without any "conscious" deceptions (as much as it is possible) if the person isn't malicious, and your constant questions I found good for practicing patience and talking-writing, plus they increase my "skills" related to cold reading, instinctual guessing, and so on - I alwaya tend to take the "hard way" as the rewards and results are amazing, as you can see. And you also profit and improve (blossom) in unexpected ways, as you have probably noticed.
      It's easy to get irritated and then leave and/or leave a "criticising" answer in a hurry, but it's harder to stay when the situation is unfavorable, and the difference adds up slowly.

      Delete
    18. Socioempath-

      You read me like a book.:)

      I do LOVE MUSIC of various and unrelated genres!!!

      I do LOVE melodic and epic music!!!

      That song did "hit the spot"!!!

      I know-I think, ask questions, and care too much.:) I can ask too many questions, and try peoples' patience, without realizing it.:( I thought that might be the case yesterday-I apologize.:(

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    19. "Curious, Jonaid. Out of all the psychopaths on this blog, you choose me to have a moment of compassion? To the best of my knowledge, it's never anyone's fault for being what we are, "acquired" psychopathy or "genetic" (the genetic psychopathy I would understand you think is a choice?) psychopathy are still both psychopathy and both live through the experience of having no choice over the matter."

      No one will ever believe it's 100% true (as you claim in the next paragragh) when it's just written on an online blog anonymously. One cannot and I'm sure you understand that. I'm inclined to believe it because that's my nature, particularly when it's sensitive stuff like this. Now since you know me you're in a good position to know what I'm about to say IS 100% true (and potentially harmful to admit if I'm wrong about you).

      You know why you get an undue portion of my compassion (or not...if you actually think I'm narcissistic or looking to screw you) - I don't. I'm trying to figure it out myself. I've seen something in you which has never left me. I've seen a genuine good side and it looks like it's trapped. You may be the worst psychopath here (and personally I've taken a hit) but my heart always finds an excuse. I've changed in many ways since God saved me but I still haven't changed on that. I've gotten over so much but not this despite you giving me plenty of reasons to not just get over it but to hate you. I often think now that God made it so for some reason.

      You also remind me a lot of myself and how easily I could have ended up down the same road had my circumstances been different early on. It wasn't my doing - I almost broke a few months ago but was saved. Maybe I'd have broken much sooner than you if I had your experience. That's why I put up with a lot - you never know someone's background story. Unfortunately for me - while I've not turned socio - I did / do have a somewhat stunted way of showing empathy. I care deeply about right & wrong for everyone but I rarely get emotionally connected to people. I'm a bit asperger's I think but when I love someone I can give up almost everything for them but still have trouble expressing it in words and emotions. Why do you think I'm so devoted to God now? For the first time in my life I know - I KNOW (I didn't sell the idea to myself) - that there's Someone who knows me and cares. No one else, not even my mother (who's an amazing with incredible patience and love) knows me inside out.

      I saw someone similar to me in many ways - how I was and how I could have been. I never felt as close to anyone before. That's why it was devastating to see you behave callously. 2 or 3 or 4 years ago I would have gotten over easily. This time - all alone - I was devastated. It's not pleasant at all to think that someone - the only person - who you thought might understand you just gave you a false impression deliberately. What's worse is when you see the signs but you deliberately suppress your instincts and then you take a beating anyway. You can't even blame anyone anymore, at least on the inside.

      That's why you get my compassion, asshole.

      Delete
    20. Wow. Now you're conflating all the posters here with the sociopathic entity who harmed you, thereby literally proving out what I've repeatedly called on concerning *why* it is you demonize us.

      You're losing it, Jonaid. You're starting to act delusional. This place really isn't good for you.

      Delete
    21. You're cute when you're angry.

      Delete
    22. I'm thinking of when you stormed out of the car and came back. So cute.

      Delete
    23. A-

      Does Jonaid know you, or is he "totally gone"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    24. He doesn't even know "A" is female. That was just a weak tryhard attempt to "win" because his feelings got hurt, which he tried to unsuccesfully mask with his brand new "super" tactic of teasing.

      Delete
    25. You lot are funny...and sad. I'm honest - and secure - enough to let you know if you hurt my feelings. I sort of did 5 weeks ago.

      BTW I noticed you lurk around here all night. I wonder if that's your way of avoiding the nightly visitors. You really should trust God - and definitely not he afraid of anything or anyone else.

      Delete
    26. It is not a new tactic- it is a manifestation of precisely what I have been claiming all along: that he is lashing out and demonizing sociopaths in general so as to confront, by proxy, the psychopath who harmed him. To borrow a term he projected onto me: he lacks the "courage of his convictions" to engage this person directly, because he eschews confrontation, as evidenced by the fact that he flees every time I win a debate.

      Unfortunately, it would appear that the more time he spends here, the more cemented this delusion becomes in his mind. Yet, in a comedic twist of irony, he accuses *us* of "losing our minds" to "psychosis"- when it is he who is falling prey to his *own* accusations.

      He is so narcissistic that he can scarcely believe that we are not all puppets of the "minion" who traumatized him. He really believes that this blog revolves around him.

      But he means well. He is just deluded, and deeply hurt.

      Does it make you feel better to believe that I am the strong alpha male you despise and resent, yet lust for and desperately pine over?

      I am not your beloved, Jonaid. I am just a mirror; nothing more, and nothing less- but I can show you yourself, if you would but open your eyes.



      Delete
    27. It's my fault you were coming around a few weeks ago and I made a wrong comment because I couldn't wait til the morning.

      I will engage you directly whenever / if you want. After everything you put me through, I can't and will never reach out to you again until you apologize. A simple "I'm sorry for betraying you and being an ingrate - you were a good friend to me."

      If you're too conceited to do that, than stay happy in your alpha male world where I lust after you (and not vice versa). So long as I comment on this blog - and you grab my attention - I will try to bring you reality and at least save your soul, if not make you a better person here. It'll either work, God-willing, or I'll give up on you. So far I can't give up - not while I'm here anyway.

      Say "I seek refuge in God against the accursed Satan." Your nights will be a lot more peaceful. It's better than staying up all night.

      Delete
    28. Hmmm... Makes sense. I've also been suspecting it was something along those lines - that he seeks "revenge" because he got hurt by a psychopath, that we are all similar to that psychopath.
      That he thinks that we are "minions" of that sociopathic entity, well, that's an interesting observation. He did think that me and Vegas (and somebody else?) are the same person with multiple ID's.

      It seems that he is trying to project his weaknesses onto us, such as the aforementioned "lack of convictions" and "losing our minds". I have also noticed he wants to "convice" us he is/was psychopathic/sociopathic, that he still has it in him, as evidenced by him claiming some blog posts ago that he has "socio traits", his newest "socio tactic" of teasing, and I seem to remember him talking about how he was a sociopath in the past and he was "saved". Perhaps to give his rants more "legitimacy"?

      I have known a narcissist, and he would always go on to sloppily copy any behavior he likes, and upon closer inspection it would turn out a carbon copy as he didn't (couldn't?) develop his own "way" of doing it; I see Jonaid also trying to copy "tactics" he likes, namely this newest tactic of teasing and deflection, which looked to me so out of touch and amateurish.

      He seems to hate when somebody's indirectly talking about him and he's not part of the discussion. I seem to have put a mirror to his actions, behavior, which infuriated him.

      I find it really interesting and funny to observe him.

      Delete
    29. He keeps insisting that I am someone I'm not, like a 5 year old who sticks his fingers in his ears and screeches "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA" at the top of his lungs, because he doesn't want to hear the voice of reason.

      I suspect he also has trouble accepting that I am female because women like me do not fit into his preconceived notions of femininity.

      ...you'll gain tremendously if you overcome the impact your family must have had on you and NOT let it make you go down the wrong road. It's not easy but then again easy is for the commoner and I don't believe you're a commoner.

      Say "I seek refuge in God against the accursed Satan." Your nights will be a lot more peaceful. It's better than staying up all night.


      What makes you think I have gone down the wrong road? The fact that I am convinced that Muhammad was a false prophet, on account of the many atrocities he committed? Anyone with basic reading skills, a modicum of common sense, and a minor propensity for logic can easily perceive the gaping flaws in Islam.

      I always stay up all night; I have since I was a child. And I do have my own kind of faith in God. I don’t need you to “save my soul”. That is not within your power or jurisdiction.

      Do you hear me bludgeoning everyone over the head with my faith, or comparing myself favourably to the masses on account of what I believe? No. I am humble enough to know that I have no self-righteousness on which to stand. I see myself as I am: a complex human being with a myriad of flaws and strengths, just like everyone else. Not a demon. Not a wretched, cruel soul devoid of humanity. Just a “commoner”, with traits that predispose me to doing what I do best here.

      This place is literally making you crazy, Jonaid. Had I known you were so fragile, I might have adopted a lighter hand.

      Then again, maybe not. I can rarely resist going for someone’s figurative jugular, especially when they expose it so prettily.

      I try sometimes, but shit... People like you make it too easy. :P

      Delete
    30. "I don’t need you to “save my soul”. That is not within your power or jurisdiction."

      This is true. Only God can guide. I can pray and try to be a means thru which He might open your eyes...I have no reason whatsoever to do so except that I care.

      You can be an amazing advocate for the Truth and God will give you exponentially more than you have ever imagined. I swear to God you have potential you don't know about - you can unleash it if you allow yourself to see & accept the Truth.

      I see a treasure trove that's selling itself for the price of an empty chest. This is the "mess" I'm stuck in. I can't let it go and see it wasted yet I have no power to change anything - you do. You can disregard me - not care about me but don't do this to yourself.

      I wish I could somehow prove to you what my intentions are. At least I'd know for sure where you stand then.

      Delete
    31. And you know I'm not like this. I have never gone this far, this extreme, this NICE, for anyone. There's people in my life that deserve my care far, far more. It won't always be like this.

      Good Night.

      Delete
    32. What are you talking about? How is getting up on your rickety pedestal and prattling on all the time about your moral superiority being "nice"?

      I don't want your care. I don't know you. This is just a blog, and you are just one of many people with whom I have interacted over the years- and there are some old-timers still lurking who can attest that I've gone very easy on you.

      I have a soft spot for you, because I know your faith is genuine. But you are deceived. The prophet you follow is a deceiver. You need Christ.

      I've said before that I am a shitty Christian. But you clearly aren't a very good Muslim, either, gayboy. :P

      You told me to read the Quran. I have- and I'm smart. I'm telling you to read the Bible.

      Delete
    33. Don't go easy on me. I dare you alpha, do the worst you think you can do to me. Call your dogs too while you're at it. I mean it go on - God-willing it'll open your eyes and make you realize all power is with God alone.

      Delete
    34. Alpha? You flatter me. But there is only one Alpha, and he doesn't come with dogs:

      “Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done. 13 I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End."

      I have no desire to harm you whatsoever.

      Think of me as a surgeon, of sorts. :P

      Delete
    35. Hohoho!

      He dares you! But wait, there's more - he MEANS IT!
      Now I know he's a Real Man™. As soon as he uttered those badass manly words, I immediately realized he's the manliest man in the history of manliness.
      Bow down to the king of kings, the kingiest of them all!

      Delete
    36. The person I knew wasn't this far gone or low. I guess he is now.

      Ciao. You'll regret it big time - I won't try forever. Your false pride will ruin you as it has in the past. Child.

      Delete
  18. Silence of the Lambs is iconic.:)

    I've heard a lot of great things about the movie "There Will Be Blood", and I love Daniel Day Lewis, but I have yet to see that movie.:(

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it's a weirdly interesting movie. It's a really good and realistic representation of an "evil" sociopath out to get power and money, in which he succeeds, but at what cost?

      One of the things that I found really funny about the movie is that it does contain blood, but only little and at the end, thus they "kept" their promise :D
      It's that kind of movie.

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      Thanks for the movie review-I will definitely have to see that movie...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  19. Socioempath-

    Your quote:

    It's easy to get irritated and then leave and/or leave a "criticising" answer in a hurry, but it's harder to stay when the situation is unfavorable, and the difference adds up slowly.

    You are absolutely correct.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  20. I also loved ESTP's quote:

    What a life. It's been a real adventure though, and I can honestly say I wouldn't have it any other way. What happens, happens because it was meant to be.

    So true...

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Life's always weird and full of surprises. I guess you just have to learn, take risks and make mistakes, and do your best.

      And you don't have to apologize, just admit mistakes you make to yourself and carry on and "do your own thing" - your (truthful) opinion of yourself should be the most important thing to you :-)

      People here, in my opinion, notice your behavior lacks malice, and while they might get irritated by your questions, I don't think they "take it to heart", since they've noticed your "innocence" and willingness to learn and improve.

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      Life is definitely weird and full of surprises!!!

      Your insight is "spot on", as usual.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  21. Your terrorism you act out upon this blog does not impress anyone here, Jonaid. Your overt malignant narcissism is seemingly clear as a cloudless sky with a glaringly bright sun to me.

    I will, if I feel inclined to act upon the impulse in any given moment, do whatever is necessary to protect my brood; the people who I do my best with to have civil, constructive conversations that not only stimulates my mind but also gives me further possible access to knowledge that can be gleamed to open my mind to a more accurate model of perception of reality to allow myself to more efficiently adapt to live in this world. From the perch I observe from, when I feel like indulging in instrumental sadism, I will descend upon you and inflict as many lacerations upon your mind with my outstretched sharp talons to shred your fragile ego again, again, and again.

    Continue to post here, Jonaid, if you wish. This bird of prey will be observing, watching, and will always be ready to call you out for being the malignant narcissist you very likely are.

    ESTP Sociopath

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was an impressive comment, I found it really expressive. Altough some might say you accomplished nothing by reacting to the narcissist and only gave him more "ammunition" (which is true when you look at it certain way), and that leaving him with no attention at all might be more "effective" (as is my opinion), what I could glean from your comment is that, in your case, anger can "unleash your creativity". Thus, you might be able to use your anger in some creative ways (in the case of this comment, expressive writing); do what best suits you best and helps you explore your mind.

      So, if it helps you "find yourself", then I can only suggest you to go at it. I'm pretty sure you don't need to read this, but here it goes anyway, as it doesn't hurt to write it just in case: just be observant, know when to stop, and don't let it "consume you" so it doesn't reveal your weaknesses and blindside you.

      I think this song fits the overall "theme" of your comment pretty nicely, enjoy;
      Twisting the strangle grip
      Won't give no mercy
      Feeling those tendons rip
      Torn up and mean

      Blastmaster racks the ground
      Bent on survival
      Full throttle hammers down
      A deadly scream

      All Guns, All Guns Blazing

      Forced into overdrive
      Drawn out of anger
      All talons poison dipped
      Impaling spike

      Heart pounding fever pitch
      Blood pumping fury
      Two fisted dynamo
      Eager to strike

      All Guns, All Guns Blazing

      Cross cutting thundercharge
      Blade of destruction
      Flame throwing hurricane
      Destroys the cage

      Bone crushing alien
      God of salvation
      Sad wings that heaven sent
      Wipes out in rage

      All Guns, All Guns Blazing

      Delete
    2. You're correct in assuming that I willingly posted what I said knowing I would be feeding into his malignant narcissism, Socioempath.

      "...what I could glean from your comment is that, in your case, anger can "unleash your creativity". Thus, you might be able to use your anger in some creative ways (in the case of this comment, expressive writing); do what best suits you best and helps you explore your mind."

      A incredibly astute observation, and entirely correct. Exploration is a key part of who I am as a psychopath, my ESTP-ness. Artistic vision only has as much utility as it is exercised like a muscle.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
    3. You've had your go at me already. Your coping mechanism is to inflate your ego and break down others instead of trusting someone and removing the burden your carrying around. I any case, like I said, I have more faith in you than you do. In time.

      Meanwhile you keep trying to do whatever it is you think you're doing to me. You probably actually forgot that I never sought you out here on this blog. You can't help but take a stab at my comments to get my attention. I don't know why you do that when you could get my actual attention anytime provided you are willing to trust yourself, trust me and be sincere.

      May God guide you and give you peace of mind.

      Delete
    4. Excellent music recommendation, Socioempath. Great to head bang like a wild child to.

      ESTP Sociopath

      Delete
  22. In the name of God, The Merciful, The Compassionate.

    "Tell those who believe, to forgive those who do not look forward to the Days of God. It is for Him to recompense (for good or ill) each People according to what they have earned.

    If any one does a righteous deed, it ensures to the benefit of his own soul; if he does evil, it works against (his own soul). In the end will ye (all) be brought back to your Lord."

    Qur'an 45:14-15

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why do you work against your own soul?

      Delete
    2. I will give you the courtesy of assuming that this is a genuine question. Maybe I'll get a genuine response - if not we won't repeat this again.

      Why do you think I'm working against my soul? Be factual and don't allege based on your own projection. Who knows this might lead us somewhere.

      Delete
    3. What projection? What are you talking about? You seem to have a pattern of baselessly accusing people and putting them down. By the looks of it, I know you will try to do the same here, it just smells like a trap. Nevermind then. I have better things to do. Bye.

      Delete
    4. "There's no one with intelligence in this town except that man over there playing with the children, the one riding the stick horse. He has keen, fiery insight and vast dignity like the night sky, but he conceals it in the madness of child's play."

      Rumi


      Delete
    5. ...and now you've completely lost it. What what the point of your comment? What, you think a quote will suddenly make you more intellectually smart and impress people? Wow. I have never seen someone as pretentious as you. You are just looking for attention and someone to fill up your narcissistic supply. My god, what a waste of time this was. My mistake.

      Delete
    6. I was hoping you'd understand what the quote means and why I posted it for you.

      Delete
    7. I know precisely. But please, do enlighten me. I'll give you one more chance.

      Delete
    8. You're the one concealing "it in the madness of child's play." Only now I'm learning it's not your fault.

      When you're ready to get rid of your shackles - free your heart of its burden - you know you have at least one person you can trust. How I wish you'd know how much I mean that.

      Delete
    9. Just saw a little bit of "World Trade Center." Not a first class movie but it reminds you what really matters in life. Love, trust, genuine care & concern for others etc etc. Life is way too short to make it all about yourself. From God we come and to God is our return.

      Delete
    10. And now you reveal yourself for what you are - a petty narcissist. Yup, I was right. Predictable. Bye.

      Delete
    11. Serious question: what's the difference between a malignant narcissist and a petty narcissist?

      Delete
  23. A-

    Did your father ever physically injure your mother?

    The pen is mightier than the sword.:)

    How do you satisfy your primal drive now?

    I'm glad your father never seriously hurt you.

    "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger".-Nietzsche

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, he was never physically violent with her. As I said, she would never have permitted it. She always told him she'd leave him the minute he raised a hand to her. I've no doubt that she would have.

      I have a few ways of satisfying those drives, some of them intellectual, others more... visceral. :)

      That quote is only true sometimes. That which does not kill someone might still break them- and everyone has their breaking point.

      What's yours?

      Delete
    2. A-

      I see a lot of myself, in you and your mother.:)

      I am tough, and although he did not touch me, when the threat of physical violence presented itself-that was enough. I will not tolerate that...

      You are right about the quote, too.:)

      That which does not kill us, can still break us, and everyone does have their breaking point...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  24. PS A-

    How do you think one can tell, if a sociopath's bond with them is weak or strong?

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
  25. a lot of non entities in here with fuck all to say. i think i might come back and straighten this place out. it's in need of a strong alpha male

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strong alpha male who hides behind pseudonyms. Yup.

      Delete
    2. lately i've been thinking of what makes a person great. a great man NEVER panders to the masses. i see this everywhere i look in marketing, politics and such. a leader should never do what's popular for the sake of being popular. a leader grabs people by the scruff of the neck and forces them to march to his superior ideals.

      "In our time none has the conception of what is great. It is up to me to show them" - Napoleon

      (i got chills when i first read that because it's exactly what i always thought)

      Delete
    3. BTW before you idiot neo nazis with daddy issues comment, Hitler wouldn't qualify for being a great man either. rather the opposite. both trump and hitler are useless beta males. if you are impressed by social status and flashy people like trump, then you are a little boy, not a man.

      Delete
    4. Everything dies eventually. No institution is solid and all things man made will crumble. one day every trace of you (including photos) will cease to exist.

      Delete
    5. Napoleon died in exile, alone.

      Delete
    6. a collapsing empire sounds exciting in these boring times

      Delete
    7. Hahaha! Ohhh my. What a juicy little morsel of shark bait that is. I’ll bite. :D

      So... “Adam"... You think you’re going to come around and smack some sense into all of us simpering little weaklings like the big, bad “alpha male” you can only pretend to be?

      Obviously, you're not a leader. If you were, you would understand that such asinine comments reveal you to be a naïve, insecure little man without any pragmatic leadership experience at all.

      A good leader doesn’t “grab people by the scruff of the neck and force them to march to his superior ideals”. Only a blow-hard entirely lacking in finesse does that.

      A good leader has a variety of tools in his tool kit, which he employs judiciously, according to the needs presented by the circumstances at hand, because he is- above all- perspicacious and resourceful.

      There are different kinds of leaders. If you’re running a drug cartel, you’d best be able to get all Napoleon on someone’s ass. In such a scenario, there can only be rule by fear. But in the civilized world, a good leader doesn’t dictate, or bludgeon via brute force, he persuades and directs via charisma, sound logic, assertiveness, and confidence. A good leader sets the example and the tone- marching at the forefront of his troops. He inspires his followers to greatness by identifying and leveraging his constituents’ strengths, whilst minimizing their weaknesses. A good leader understands that the people he is privileged with leading are the primary source of his power, which he can only truly harness by commanding their respect. A good leader therefore works HARD, is willing to take initiative and accept risk, is persevering, and will put his own neck on the line in order to benefit and/or protect those under his charge. Yes, a good leader is decisive, authoritative and strong, but he is also approachable, and flexible when necessary.

      People like you are only good for one thing, and that is running off at the mouth. You think you come across as authoritative, but everyone snickers behind your back, because your pretentious swagger reveals you to be exactly the cliché that you are: the punchline of a bad joke, a la Office Space.

      Respect is earned. Waltzing in here saying “what this place needs is a real alpha male” without so much as even acclimatizing to the place only demonstrates what a clueless, immature little pissant you are. But hey! At least you provide decent entertainment fodder as you massage your giant ego, General Jackoff. XD

      Who did you used to post as, again…?

      If I came around more often, I’m sure you and I would have *lots* of fun.

      Delete
    8. A-

      U ROCK!!!

      I can tell you truly understand leadership!!!

      I LOVE COOL WORDS, & "perspicacious" is a new one for me-THANK YOU!!!

      I hope you come around more often!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    9. “Put your iron hand in a velvet glove.” - Napoleon Bonaparte

      Now that's a lovely quote. Right, "Adam"?

      Delete
    10. Socioempath-

      There you are.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    11. Oh no, I am discovered! Hehehehehe you found me :-P

      Delete
    12. Socioempath-

      Don't worry-I won't bug you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    13. Don't worry, I don't find you "snoopy" :-)

      Delete
    14. A has the potential to be a great leader. He lacks the courage of his convictions, however. That's a result of a hard heart. I swear you can be an amazing leader if you open your heart.

      Delete
    15. Socioempath-

      I'm glad you don't find me "Snoopy", even though you did offer that up, for my name.:)

      Your funny.:)

      I like to read you.:)

      It would be fun to smoke some Bosnian weed, and just listen to you speak.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    16. For the 9th or 10th time, A is not a "he". I know that's hard for you to swallow- which makes it all the more palatable for me. :)

      "Put you iron hand in a velvet glove"...

      I do like that quote, very much.

      Delete
    17. I think he read "Conversation 101 - How to deflect and tease" and now thinks he's got the perfect tactic; I've noticed he has the pattern of repeating only one tactic over and over again. Funny guy. Oh well, he's leveled up! :-)

      Delete
    18. Socioempath-

      "Magnificent Metal Musical Masterpieces", has a nice "ring" to it.:)

      I am glad you are enjoying your music, and thank you for sharing.:)

      -Vegas

      Delete
    19. A-

      It's hysterical how Jonaid cannot understand you are female.:)

      I also like Socioempath's quote very much.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  26. The "Song of the Day" is for you, A!!!

    This song just came to mind-I hope you like it.:)

    Coldplay "Yellow"

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKNxeF4KMsY

    Look at the stars,
    Look how they shine for you,
    And everything you do,
    Yeah, they were all yellow.

    I came along,
    I wrote a song for you,
    And all the things you do,
    And it was called "Yellow".

    So then I took my turn,
    Oh what a thing to have done,
    And it was all yellow.

    Your skin,
    Oh yeah your skin and bones,
    Turn into
    Something beautiful,
    Do you know,
    You know I love you so,
    You know I love you so.

    I swam across,
    I jumped across for you,
    Oh what a thing to do.
    'Cause you were all yellow,

    I drew a line,
    I drew a line for you,
    Oh what a thing to do,
    And it was all yellow.

    Your skin,
    Oh yeah your skin and bones,
    Turn into
    Something beautiful,
    Do you know,
    For you I'd bleed myself dry,
    For you I'd bleed myself dry.

    It's true,
    Look how they shine for you,
    Look how they shine for you,
    Look how they shine for,
    Look how they shine for you,
    Look how they shine for you,
    Look how they shine.

    Look at the stars,
    Look how they shine for you,
    And all the things that you do.

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A-

      You are welcome!!!

      I thought you might like the words.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  27. Hello all,

    Thankyou to those who commented on my little noises a few posts back.

    That certainly was a powerful expression that I've been allowing to seep through my mind. In fact, this was a seeping *up*, meaning the beliefs have changed, and subsequent changes are cascading through to the neocortex, which is evaluating what those changes imply. It's been wonderful.

    ESTP Sociopath:
    I'm glad you enjoyed the Alan Watts talk. I love his playful tone, the idea that life is somewhat of a game.

    I have something to ask you: would you mind sharing your email or hitting me up on Twitter @spinningnorth

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And thanks for the songs! :)

      Delete
    2. Anon: Thanks for the vision of finding people who do have good things to share with me. I know you are right, and it was lovely to hear. There are several wonderful guys at work, good people with exciting minds, so I do know they exist!

      Delete
    3. Welcome back! I had a feeling you were "recuperating", that your mind was going through a change, like a caterpillar metamorphosizing into a butterfly. Your mind seems to have gone through a change for the better.
      Glad you are all better and ready to take on new challenges and expand further!

      Delete
    4. Thankyou! And indeed, such is my strange, sometimes slow but always marvellous unfolding:

      " We are like caterpillars contemplating pupation.
      No longer will I chew on the cabbage leaves.
      No longer will I spend my time moving around on the underside of the foliage. "
      ~Terence McKenna

      Delete
    5. We are always changing, for the worse or for the better (hopefully, for the better, as is your case). To stagnate, to forfeit the game of life is paramount to dying - stone, strong yet unmoving unchanging, always gets eroded over time by adaptive persistent water.

      I had a theory some time ago, that when endorphin and hormone levels get too high, it triggers a "cascade" of sorts in the brain, as the brain goes into overdrive, analyzing everything it can, severing and creating neural connections, essentially changing (reprogramming) itself, and if the change does not lead to despair, to giving up, doesn't turn out "bad", the person emerges stronger, better, changed.

      What I can see in your new comments, is that you seem more calm, as if you "mastered your Corvette"; to what degree, well, we shall see. Enjoy the journey :-)

      Delete
    6. Yes, it's like that, nicely put. But I harness all emotional and novel experience to drive the Corvette in the direction I choose - regardless of the experience source.

      For example, the emotional disturbance happened to be exacerbated by hormones (female cycles, sorry if that's too much info ;) ), which I knew full well. But I directed to reach into the depths of those revenge impulses, to pull them from their depths.

      Have you read any Christopher S Hyatt? He explains the Universal Cycle of Joy as tension, charge, discharge, relax: all living things go through this cycle. Those who don't complete the cycle die without experiencing much joy; those who do reach complete relaxation.

      So what you are perceiving is me at the relaxation stage, having steered through the flow. Once you let go and ride through the flow of the cycle, not attempting to swim against or to jump out, you find the entire cycle is experience rather than any sort of suffering. It's a communion with self.

      What I found was that aching for revenge rolled down to a message for myself. It's opened doorways, and I am progressing in new ways.

      If you haven't, I think you'd like Hyatt. He's not a psychopath himself, but has found techniques that bring him to a state of low tension and high energy. He differs, ultimately, in his philosophy and advocates for self-centred, elitist lifestyle. He creates some interesting characterisations, lauding the Toxick Magician. **-* was an epitome of the Toxick Magician. I decided very early on in my healing I would aim to become the Magician - I see no reason to be toxic; that goes shandy the grain for me (another key principle I decided on was to grow in accordance with my own nature.)

      Hyatt's work has been most influential on me. Try the Psychopath's Notebook (and Pyschopath's Bible), Undoing Yourself with Energized Meditation and Energized Hypnosis. The latter is a gentle guide to belief change and was a vehicle for some powerful healing for me. Now I know how to change my beliefs, but still go back to this book occasionally as I find it nourishing.

      Delete
    7. Such bad writing, apologies. On my phone.

      Delete
    8. Interesting. Currently I've been applying lessons I've learned from "Mastery", internalizing them, and I found them most positive.

      Thanks for the recommendations. I'll be sure to check them out once the "novelty" of the new lessons wear off, since I am enjoying the new experiences, so I can build up on them. It seems they are synergistic with "Mastery".

      Delete
    9. Naturally! I'm glad you're enjoying your journey; it makes a great deal of sense to continue pursuing paths as they are fruitful! That's the brain at its efficient best :)

      'Every life is the right one. Every path is the right path. Everything could have been anything else and it would have just as much meaning.' ~ Mr Nobody

      Delete
    10. I agree; while there are certain "universal rules" that govern human behavior, we are all "unique", with our own strengths and weaknesses compounded by our past experiences - what separates the "average" from "unique" individuals is their actions and what they accomplish despite the pressures and "roadblocks", so in my opinion somebody who lives "passively", governed by their impulses (never improving) is more "average" than somebody who pushed through them.

      P. S.
      It seems to me that our dear friend Jonaid is trying to "prove" to us that he is indeed a sociopath (which he isn't, in my and everyone else's opinion, despite him deceiving himself), as evidenced by his new tactic of deflection and teasing, so that he may have a "springboard" from which he can spread his propaganda ("See? See? I was one of you, I still have it in me, therefore I know what I am talking about"). However, he is too "static" and "reactionary", too rigid, too eager to use the same and only tactic over and over again, too "invested" in his "role" - it is very likely he read some "anti-socio" tactics, picked one that seemed "best" to him, and thinks it will give him the edge. Oh well, let's enjoy the show, shall we? :-)

      Delete
    11. You're so lost in your psychotic mind, always trying to figure out what I'm up to. I honestly don't know what you'll think the day you realize I was honest with you all the way (less the few trivial lies I probably uttered when I was "losing it"). Will you think "wow all that time, he was putting up with me all that time and being sincere?" or will you think "why on Earth would he do that? what's wrong with him"? In other words: will I get some appreciation or will you toss me aside as a moron. I wonder sometimes.

      Here's Rumi speaking for me again. Trust him if you don't trust me.

      "Come to the orchard in Spring.
      There is light and wine, and sweethearts
      in the pomegranate flowers.

      If you do not come, these do not matter.
      If you do come, these do not matter."

      Delete
    12. North-

      You are more than welcome, for the songs!!!

      I loved your quote:

      " We are like caterpillars contemplating pupation.
      No longer will I chew on the cabbage leaves.
      No longer will I spend my time moving around on the underside of the foliage. "
      ~Terence McKenna

      Well said.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    13. Socioempath-

      Your quote is so true!!!

      To stagnate, to forfeit the game of life is paramount to dying - stone, strong yet unmoving unchanging, always gets eroded over time by adaptive persistent water.

      I am in this place:

      I had a theory some time ago, that when endorphin and hormone levels get too high, it triggers a "cascade" of sorts in the brain, as the brain goes into overdrive, analyzing everything it can, severing and creating neural connections, essentially changing (reprogramming) itself, and if the change does not lead to despair, to giving up, doesn't turn out "bad", the person emerges stronger, better, changed.

      I know I will emerge stronger, better, changed.:)

      Music feeds my soul, and is very important to me, during this process-thanks for sharing the music!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    14. Socioempath-

      I think Jonaid "wants you".:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    15. Take your time, and enjoy the moments and the journey. I find that, for me, metal can turn anger and irritation into confidence and strength, it has always helped me (before my socioempathy) to "release the tension" and be calm afterwards. Perhaps it can help you during your hard times :-)

      Delete
    16. Eh, who cares about him.
      He lied and broke our unspoken agreement to avoid contacting each other - thus he can't even keep his promises. Hehehehehe who would've thought :-)

      Delete
    17. "I think Jonaid "wants you".:)"

      If it were just that, it would have happened long ago and without any of this. I can go very far to help someone I care for but I'm neither desperate nor without self-respect. No what I want for him apparently no one in his life ever has. I understand why it's hard to believe me - very, very few people do what I'm doing. It'll take time.

      Delete
    18. Socioempath-

      I have THE PERFECT SONG!!!

      I LOVE THIS BAND, and it speaks to what you were saying.:)

      I think you are going to LOVE IT!!!

      Tool

      "Forty-Six & 2"

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tja6_h4lT6A

      "Forty-Six & 2"

      My shadow's

      Shedding skin and
      I've been picking
      Scabs again.
      I'm down
      Digging through
      My old muscles
      Looking for a clue.

      I've been crawling on my belly
      Clearing out what could've been.
      I've been wallowing in my own confused
      And insecure delusions
      For a piece to cross me over
      Or a word to guide me in.
      I wanna feel the changes coming down.
      I wanna know what I've been hiding in

      My shadow.
      Change is coming through my shadow.
      My shadow's shedding skin
      I've been picking
      My scabs again.

      I've been crawling on my belly
      Clearing out what could've been.
      I've been wallowing in my own chaotic
      And insecure delusions.

      I wanna feel the change consume me,
      Feel the outside turning in.
      I wanna feel the metamorphosis and
      Cleansing I've endured within

      My shadow
      Change is coming.
      Now is my time.
      Listen to my muscle memory.
      Contemplate what I've been clinging to.
      Forty-six and two ahead of me.

      I choose to live and to
      Grow, take and give and to
      Move, learn and love and to
      Cry, kill and die and to
      Be paranoid and to
      Lie, hate and fear and to
      Do what it takes to move through.

      I choose to live and to
      Lie, kill and give and to
      Die, learn and love and to
      Do what it takes to step through.

      See my shadow changing,
      Stretching up and over me.
      Soften this old armor.
      Hoping I can clear the way
      By stepping through my shadow,
      Coming out the other side.
      Step into the shadow.
      Forty six and two are just ahead of me.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    19. PS Socioempath-

      I saw Tool in concert once, and THEY TOTALLY ROCKED!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    20. Socioempath-

      You are welcome-it's one of my "goosebump" songs!!!

      Did you like it???

      I will ABSOLUTELY REACH MY 46 & 2!!!

      Thank you, for the song, as well-the words are SHEER PERFECTION!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    21. PS Socioempath-

      Thank you for the words of encouragement!!!

      I will be sure to stay strong and demolish the obstacles!!!

      I have to-TO REACH MY "46 & 2"!!!

      Your words are always sheer perfection!!!

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    22. You can bet on Jonaid writing the same crap over and over again that I liked it ;-)

      Enjoy your day and I wish you lots of fun moment!

      Delete
    23. PSS Socioempath-

      Thank you-I will take time to enjoy the moments and the journey.:)

      I totally agree, that the right music can turn anger and irritation, into confidence and strength!!!

      It definitely releases the tension, and helps me be more calm.:)

      Jonaid admitted he wants you, and he sounds confident he could have you at will, when he referred to what I said:

      "I think Jonaid "wants you".:)"

      If it were just that, it would have happened long ago and without any of this. I can go very far to help someone I care for but I'm neither desperate nor without self-respect. No what I want for him apparently no one in his life ever has. I understand why it's hard to believe me - very, very few people do what I'm doing. It'll take time.

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    24. He is deluded, as "A" nicely put it. I think her analysis is also spot on. He's just wallowing in his narcissism and trying to make himself look like a victim and morally superior.
      As he broke our unspoken agreement - "Let's agree to avoid each other you want that too." while I've stayed within the "spirit" of our "contract", and I've drawn attention to that fact, I think he shall try to make me do the same, as I suspect he tried to do by calling us a "sad lot".
      But there's no way that's gonna happen. I won't give him the satisfaction of addressing him directly, thus keeping my end of the bargain. Hehehehehehehe ;-)

      Delete
    25. Socioempath-

      Should I start "teasing you", about your and Jonaid's "love affair"???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  28. Socioempath-

    You crack me up!!!

    I love your hehehehehehehe.:)

    ~Vegas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Socioempath-

      I know you and Jonaid have "something special".:)

      That song is PERFECT FOR MY JOURNEY!!!

      It is one of my favorite Judas Priest songs-thank you!!!

      Hey-thanks for the tip!!!

      I do like to suggest songs, and should learn how to leave clickable links.:)

      There's so much life to live, and I have so much to do, and this is the only blog I've ever bothered to visit...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    2. Socioempath-

      Did you really like the "Tool" song???

      I know it's not Judas Priest, but I thought you might still like it.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    3. Oh yeah, if he thinks I'll let it go and listen to his "advice", then he's got another thing comin' 3:-)

      Everything will come to you if you work on it, just be patient and determined - I've only rigorously started my "regimen" of self-improvement maybe three or so years ago, and only a year, year and a half ago did I start to see big noticable improvements. I guess it's the magic rule of putting 10000 hours of practice paying off (which is approximately 1.1 years). I've read somewhere that 20000 hours are needed to completely "internalize" it ("mind and body become one"), so I'll practice it for that amount of time before starting to seriously "rise up" - I'll know when I'm completely ready, just as I noticed when the practice started paying off.

      So, don't worry, time is on your side if you know how to utilize it.
      Just start small and don't put too high a goal for yourself so you don't beat yourself up for failing to live up to your demands; as you go higher and higher, move up your "goalposts" just out of reach, not too little and not too much. I find that works best for me and keeps me motivated to improve and not stagnate - you could say that I have (or have had?) a fear of stagnating and failing, which I utilize to move forward.

      Delete
    4. I did like it, and thank you for suggesting it to me.

      While it's currently not my favourite song (my favourite songs tend to change, depending on my goals and so on), I still found it really nice and very enjoyable.
      A week or so ago it was Motörhead, and I guess I'm currently in the mood for some Judas Priest, as it somehow currently suits me and my inner state - it "gets me", especially the songs "Hard as Iron" and "You've got another thing comin'".

      Delete
    5. Socioempath-

      I am definitely a "patient and persistent" person.:)

      I like your stats, and thanks for the advice!!!

      Are you an empath, becoming a sociopath???

      Glad you liked the song.:)

      I remember you mentioning something about someone you know "has another thing comin", but you didn't give details...

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    6. It was about Jonaid and his "advices" ;-)

      I was an empath, but since my mothers's side of the family (she and her sisters) are overwhelmingly sociopathic, I guess I "unlocked" those genes - I suspect they did give me ASPD and certain sociopathic tendencies, but not sociopathy. Since I started to practice emotional control (more like "emotional unacknowledgement", as ignoring them doesn't work and they just "bottle up"), I guess I've found a way to become "socioempathic" - I read about sociopathy, saw that the general concensus was that it was impossible to become "sociopathic" if you weren't "born" a sociopath (or "made" into one by pressures and circumstances), but also saw that it was possible to pick up the best "socio traits" and leave out the negative ones to become stoic, so I didn't really expect it - my "socioempathy" was an "unexpected gift".
      I've also always had a burning desire to prove that what's considered "impossible" can be achieved, so I guess my subconscious rejected the idea of it being "impossible", and found a ways to achieve it; my favourite activities always revolved around finding something that has both positives and negatives, and finding ways to effectively negate all the negatives while keeping the positives, thus proving previous preconceptions wrong.

      I've read about stoicism, and those adept at stoicism still need to "keep on top" of their emotions (still much better than what I had before), but I don't as I don't even need to put any effort into "keeping on top" of my emotions and can't get bothered by pretty much anything, there's no conscious effort at all; still, irritation, and other "sociopathic weaknesses" I did have to practice, which I already did to a degree by my "regimen" of self-improvement, and I contined to do so by commenting on this blog.

      One of the reasons I started commenting on this blog is to do a "trial by fire"; while in real life I didn't get bothered or even flinch in the face of danger, as I wasn't afraid at all to take chances and do whatever I desired, what better way to check if it was "stoicism" or "socioempathy" than by posting on a blog full of sociopaths who will pick you apart if you falter? I also wanted to see if I can keep up with the "real things", and it took practically no effort at all.

      So, did I really "change my brain" or "unlock my dormant genes", or perhaps a bit of both? That I cannot really answer, but I like the results.
      As I already mentioned some blog posts ago (during my "introduction"), I was already an empath before, thus I have a completely intact "emotional database" which frees me up from guessing and "emulating" them, and I can use them to my advantage, which, in addition the advantages of sociopathic analysis, also helps me intuitively guess what the person is really feeling, his motivations, and so on, which happens instinctually in a split second. But it didn't change who I fundamentally am, just opened up infinite amount of choices. I still enjoy to help people who I consider deserve it and genuinely seek help, as it helps them and helps me grow in unexpected ways and I thoroughly enjoy it.

      Delete
    7. I seem to have misread your comment a bit, and I now know of another "bad trait" of mine that I could improve upon.

      I don't really hold any grudges ever since I became "socioempathic", as I have already removed "toxic" people from my life (what's done is done, so no point in getting upset or give any particular attention to the past), so forgive me if I don't exactly have an idea to who you might be referring to, as I consider the past just that - the past and a treasure trove of experiences from which I can draw lessons.

      Delete
    8. You're still in touch with your emotions because you're "awakening" is new. Just wait and see (you shouldn't but if you insist) what your "infinite" possibilities will end up doing to you. And then there's the reckoning after you're dead.

      This phenomenon is not new - it's just new to you. Read history and you'll know immediately how the story always ends. You'll lose your mind in time. If you have integrity you'll heed the warning and if you don't then by all means indulge while it lasts.

      The high always comes down and then it's depression. You can't cheat forever.

      Delete
    9. A person so divorced from reason should not be pontificating about "lost minds".

      You do realize how ridiculous this sounds, coming from a spaz who sees demonspawn and puppets of his former lover everywhere, right? XD

      Delete
  29. "Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

    In what distant deeps or skies
    Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
    On what wings dare he aspire?
    What the hand dare sieze the fire?


    And what shoulder, & what art.
    Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
    And when thy heart began to beat,
    What dread hand? & what dread feet?


    What the hammer? what the chain?
    In what furnace was thy brain?
    What the anvil? what dread grasp
    Dare its deadly terrors clasp?


    When the stars threw down their spears,
    And watered heaven with their tears,
    Did he smile his work to see?
    Did he who made the Lamb make thee?


    Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?"

    William Blake.

    If we are to use such dichotomy and willing to believe that the universe seeks equilibrium.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is one of my favourites.

      Delete
    2. burning, burning, twice bright.

      Delete
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