Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Speeding through the turns

Sometimes when I am driving I want to take chances, drive aggressively, get a rush. I want to push the limits, I want to feel the danger. I don't choose to speed, though. or I don't speed in the straightaways. I think that is too obvious, and I'd be worried about getting a speeding ticket or worse. Speeding is so cut and dry a rule that it is very apparent when people are breaking it. Going excessively fast through a turn, though, you get all of the rush you're after, without obviously breaking any rule. Those little signs giving the suggested speed for a turn are just that -- suggestions. And even if they weren't, the turns go too quick for anyone to clock you. There is obviously still the chance of losing control, harm and injury to yourself or others, but that is what you are after, why you are doing it in the first place. This is the appeal of speeding through turns -- smaller likelihood of getting caught, or least having a decent excuse if you do get caught: you didn't expect the turn to be so sharp, you are unfamiliar with this stretch of road, you did not see the warning signs. It is harder to explain away something like extreme speeding.

I feel like I live my life this way. I don't tend to explicitly break rules. Rather I look for loopholes, areas of exploitation in the social fabric. I want to have a ready made excuse when I get caught. I try to have the bad things I do intentionally be things that other people do mistakenly or accidentally.

Maybe this is why I don't feel fear -- I always have an escape plan. I've had a doctor try to diagnose me with anxiety disorder before based on this obsession with escape and certain physical markers. I thought it was laughably inaccurate when I heard it -- I have such a low fear response, never get nervous, a healthy death wish, etc. But the more I thought about it, I realized that I do get anxious, particularly in crowds or with strangers, something that I had always credited to my fear of mobs or clear vision of the horrors of which seemingly "normal" people are capable. But I wonder if this is just indicative of a very healthy survival instinct, something that has largely become obsolete in the modern world of few avoidable hazards, but something that still has great use for someone like me. Maybe even the secret to my success.

20 comments:

  1. What's with the lack of comments here? Most of the time the local parasites feel free to crap out of their mouths like there's no tomorrow.
    Cool guy though M.E., you really make me empathise with you (because I can totally do that, like seriously).

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  2. don't be a dick, anonymous

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  3. i don't as a rule feel much fear but i've had anxiety attacks.. usually in crowded places. while physical and psychological danger make me focus, being in crowds makes me feel as if i'm not in control, or losing control.

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  4. you are special and important. please tell us more about your feelings Zoe.

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  5. Zoe, you've attracted a fanboy.

    Please, cage it and clean up its verbal slime.

    2

    Although, the lack of comments is probably because it's summer. You see, people tend to do things in the summer.

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  6. 2- do you mean to say that Zoe isn't special and important?

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  7. Lol.

    I mean to say that I find people who make character attacks that aren't interesting make me sigh with boredom.

    And I can see through the sarcasm that is thinly vieled in your comment, Anonymous. I am apathetic to Zoe's specialness or lack thereof and I will not engage in some silly debate about his (or her) character.

    Is there possibly an interesting topic you'd like to discuss? I'd be more than willing to oblige, in that case.

    2

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  8. 2 said...
    Is there possibly an interesting topic you'd like to discuss? I'd be more than willing to oblige, in that case.


    apparently there is nothing more interesting than my specialness

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  9. 2 said...
    Zoe, you've attracted a fanboy.

    Please, cage it and clean up its verbal slime.


    lol

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  10. Ah, I do the 'speeding through corners' thing as well. I also like to speed down steep hills in residential neighborhoods and see how long I can go without touching the brake. . . . at all other times I adhere to speed limits.

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  11. M.E. -

    How exactly are you anxious in crowds? I abhor crowds of people, but I don't know if it's from not wanting to be that physically close to people in crowds, or if it's from a strong dislike of people in general, resulting in a panicked feeling when I feel trapped among them.

    On a side note - I love doing things that are slightly dangerous that aren't illegal per say, like climbing rooftops or exploring closed down 'off-limits' buildings on my college campus. I don't feel that I can get in trouble for breaking and entering if no breaking was done (I pick locks and take advantage of doors left open) when all I've done is wander around by myself or with the few people I let know about my nocturnal adventures.

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  12. There's a lot of good info in this blog, I really appreciate it. And the comments contribute as well.

    Now I don't know if those who contribute consider yourselves sociopaths ... it seems to me that at least some of you do.

    And in this case (about fear in crowds) it puzzles me a little that several of you say that you have such experiences.

    Personally I've never felt any fear in crowds, I don't even have stage fright, none whatsoever (but then, I'm not a sociopath, but I know I'm also not like the average "empath" or "neurotypical" person.

    M.E., I know what you mean when you say "I feel I live my life this way". I know, because I do the same thing. I don't think it's specific for sociopaths though, I can't help but have an aversion to that kind of branding when we're really talking about things that are in the human nature as such, and which are at the base of not only our individual survival, but the survival of our species.

    Zhawq.

    Ps. Anonymous about 2: "Please, cage it and clean up its verbal slime." ... lol, '0' seems like a more fitting nick than '2', but I guess Second is better than First.

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  13. I should perhaps add, that when I say I don't experience fear in crowds or on stage, I'm not saying I don't feel anything at all. The two situations are different, and on a stage I can feel very excited (maybe not totally unlike speeding through turns in some ways depending on what I do with the attention I'm getting), but in a crowd ... what can I say, it's not much different than a very large room tightly filled with moving furniture. I guess it annoys me more than anything, I like to move fast and I hate to be "hindered" by people (or things) getting in my way.

    ...Okay, I know the comments on this blog aren't meant to discuss the ways and feelings of common folks like myself, but I thought it might be useful for the sake of perspective or contrast.

    Zhawq.

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  14. Thanks for posting this info. I just want to let you know that I just check out your site and I find it very interesting and informative. I can't wait to read lots of your posts. ticket for speeding

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  15. very good work thanks for sharing and keep it up

    ReplyDelete

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