This is a very early, pre-blog conversation I had with a friend.
M.E.: The other night I met these strangers and within hours we had all outted ourselves as sociopaths and started collaborating on internet startup ideas. There was one non-socio there who was asking all these questions.
Friend: Do you really feel no guilt?
M.E.: No, I feel guilt
Friend: Well, that's not very sociopath of you.
M.E.: Well, I am not full sociopath then maybe. But I mean, it's a different kind of guilt.
Friend: Are those people full?
M.E.: I don't know. The other guy was funny, he was like "good sociopaths" do this. I think it is true that there are good sociopaths. I don't know if I feel guilt. I feel regret.
Friend: How many of the symptoms do you think you have? It seems like a lot, I guess.
M.E.: I dunno, like everyone has different symptoms because they deal with the lack of empathy in different ways. Some people see it as a lack and try to make up for it, others don't see it as a lack at all and sort of exploit it. So the symptoms are very varied.
Friend: It seems that there are plenty of consistent things.
M.E.: Ha, yeah, well everyone is manipulative, everyone is trying to avoid detection, everyone is a little reckless. Anyway, I told the empath that it is probably harder for socipaths to become an empath than for empaths to become a sociopath.
Friend: Hah, funny that you call him an empath.
M.E.: Because there is low road and high road mental processes going on. High road is conscious thought, low road is unconscious instinct type thought. So I tried to explain to him that sociopaths are essentially just shifting way more of their decisions into high road thought than the typical empath. Empaths can practice that and get good at making conscious decisions about everything (socio). But how can socios conscious force decisions into the unconscious? I think it could happen but it would have to be through the influences of someone else training you, something that you could remain unaware of.
Friend: It's not really like that
M.E.: Like what?
M.E.: Yeah, it is kind of
Friend: Well, we disagree
M.E.: Or I mean, pop science stuff I have read has said that the brain works that way. Are you saying that that isn't the distinction between socios and empaths? Or just that the mind doesn't work that way? Or not all high roaders are socios?
Friend: It's not that you're more conscious. It's that all your conscious thoughts are focused on the single-minded goal of achieving your interests. To the destruction of others. Everything is a war game to you and the fact that you are more conscious than most just means that there are lots of dumb people.
M.E.: Yeah, good point. You hate that I am a sociopath?
Friend: That's like saying I hate you because of your gender or ethnicity. Doesn't mean anything, really.
M.E.: You hate the sociopath in me, though? You hate the tendencies?
Friend: Well, obviously I don't like that you are manipulative and megalomaniacal and reckless abt your life and others. But I mean, that's just a given, isn't it?
M.E.: Given meaning that's just who I am and always have been?
Friend: And I mean, who knows what else arises from you believing you're a sociopath. That's just who you are. Alright sociopath, I'm going to maybe try to take a nap.