Wednesday, January 27, 2016

My boyfriend, the sociopath?

So asks a reader:

I, recently, had a boyfriend who I think is somewhat of a sociopath. He was in his late 20s when we were together and I was a little older. If I tell you the behaviors, can you let me know if its the case, and why he chose to carry on those behaviors, please? I feel unsafe and want to know what he may be capable of doing.
The behaviors are?
1. Burning of mosquito trap at a restaurant without telling a waiter it was bothering him and ask waiter to remove it. Then, raising his voice and speaking passionately to the restaurant manager about incident. Sharing the story saying he was not talking angrily. Saying what he did wasn't wrong.
2. Getting very angry and displaying aggression (from 0 to 7) after i discussed relationship challenges by raising his voice, tensing his face muscles while making anger gestures, changing his tone of voice to an accusative/authoritative one, adapting a defensive attitude, saying he wasn't angry, then saying he wasn't being disrespectful- that everyone who is angry talks like that. That it isn't normal to be angry and calm.
3. When I told him that he can tell me anything and be angry, as long as he communicated it to me calmly and respectfully, he would more-less calmly proceed to tell me how what I feel or my beliefs where not real. ( I eventually caught on to this like the 3rd time it happened and told him and he got drastically angry as well.)
4. I was feeling super bad, dizzy and nauseous once he was driving (he drove super fast- like a jerk and a tad reckless) and i told him i needed the ac full blast bc I was miserable. He turned it on and after 2 minutes turned the heater on. When I asked why he had done that, he said angrily, that he was freezing. (I thought, why not just take it for a bit if I was feeling so miserable, or why not close his vents.)
5. He smoked weed more than twice per day, drank at times when driving, talked too loud everywhere he went, showed poor social skills like politeness and manners, expressed hatred towards police and society, said he grew up rough and poor, lived with a weed dealer, and a couple who smoked weed daily and had a child,
6. suddenly changed plans twice because he was doing some "needed" shopping and found a restaurant at the mall that had a great deal on tequila shots so he had two, 7. said "I love you" like the after the fourth month- but continued raising his voice and talking disrespectfully when we talked about issues- instead of discussing them civilly and regulating his emotions. And He would ask if I was with sleeping with someone else during our beak ups.
8. By the 5th month, i told him I wouldn't listen as soon as he started raising his voice and being disrespectful and proceeded to direct my attention to my phone when he did, and he took it away from me.
9. He took my car keys twice after having had arguments where I "stormed out" (as he would say it) because I got tired of his disrespectful and inappropriate behaviors and reactions to our relationship issues which included him constantly interrupting, not listening, abruptly, not being polite or considerate, always being angry-wether it was road rage, anger towards me, anger due to jealousy of his roommate and wife and how privileged they are.
10. Telling people how to do things (even those who were older and more knowledgeable on the subject needed to accomplish the task at hand)
11. Going into the recovering room after i had surgery when he was not one of the visitors allowed, and he is aware of hospital procedures and protocols as we works in hospitals. When they asked him to leave and he was leaving, he said: "she (the nurse) cannot do anything, I have stuff on her).
12. The last week we were together, he was just mad at everything and everyone most times, he got in my space and yelled: "you bitch, you are crazy", "shut up"-all as he was driving fast, yelled at me in front of multiple people, reacted annoyed and frustrated with me when I talked or asked very simple things such as plans we had made.
13. There were a couple of times he was yelling and doing all of the angry behaviors i explained previously and i felt so hurt I started crying and he continued to yell. He would always apologize, but it didn't seem to be genuine- more like something to finish the argument.
14. He also usually tried to push my boundaries after I had made them clear to him. He would do this over and over when he wanted to get it his way like have me scratch his back.
15. He would talk greatly about himself. A lot more so than the average person. And would also talk about how he was done wrong, and treated bad, and how people tried to take advantage of him and manipulate him.
16. He was also very affectionate (not abnormally or inappropriately), and wanted to spend a lot of time with me, but was very inflexible when it came to plans,  not adapting to his surrounding environment or social situations, and overshared with people he did not know.
17. As far as criminal history, he evaded arrest at age 17, had a DUI at 24 while at the Air Force in Alaska, , again had a DWI at age 26.
18. He wanted to have a child with me even though we had only been together 3/4 months.
19. To end, when I found our he was impulsive and smoked weed daily, i suggested Adderall and he said he took it but would sell it every time he got a chance. He would also dip tobacco, smoke cigarettes, and take tramadol at times for back pain-allegedly.

What do you think? Did he have ASPD, NPD, or what? Should I be scared? We broke up almost 2 weeks ago. Will he want to I want to hurt me? I want to hear all your thoughts.

34 comments:

  1. I come across with your blog posts from last two days. I could understand that you are a good writer. The topic you have chosen to write the posts are having some dynamics in nature. Good it is and do more here

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  2. Anger management issues? Nothing about what has been said jumps out as specifically sociopathic to me, there's obvious callousness, opportunistic showing of affection, etc. What kept you around for so long? After so much misbehavior from him, I would've just used him for the great sex then dumped him out the window like a bad glass of beer that I was done with because I got the buzz I wanted out of him already. That's my frank opinion.

    I doubt any harm will come your way, if you truly lack any more value in his eyes since you've decided to break up with him; if he sees reason to get back with you and you don't want him back, it's safe to say there may possibly be some kind of trouble, however minor; otherwise you've probably more or less have ceased to exist to him as he moves on to someone else who can provide whatever he's after, and I think that's far more likely. If he's actually a sociopath, of course.

    ESTP Sociopath

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    Replies
    1. Estp this is off the subject but you spoke in an earlier thread about ruining people. I'm curious to know what that means to you and how they Are"ruined" thank you. I value your ability to be open about these things.

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    2. How I've "ruined" people? On my way down the warpath of life, I've left behind a trail of broken hearts, minds ravaged by emotional turmoil, and damaged lives. Some were just unfortunate unintended casualties, and some were purposely used and tossed aside, or simply blown through as I carved out the path in life I seek to take.

      I remember a man who was getting in the way of what I desired; his poor behavior was conflicting with my interests, and he was seemingly taking not only his destructive behavior out on me but as well as others who were of use to me as tools. So I launched a smear campaign against him; I falsely accused him of committing a crime against me. There was no legitimate evidence to prove what happened beyond my word against his, but that was all I needed. Everyone else took me for my word and held that knowledge against him. He lost his dream job, his friends lost trust in him, and I relished how delicious my scheme came to fruition; everything went according to the plan, and I had one less inconvenient object in my life that was getting in the way.

      Some time after, a friend asked me why I did what I did. I said that I thought it was a necessary exercising of social dominance, that it wasn't anything personal really. It's just business.

      ESTP Sociopath

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    3. ESTP-Have you found that any of your "ruining people", has come back to you, thus far???

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    4. Maybe. I believe certain events could occur in consequence to doing what I do, but just as often trouble that comes my way was just due to just random chance. A lot of the plans I put into action are meticulously orchestrated, but otherwise I just don't concern myself with what might possibly come to pass; there is a clear line between expectations and evidence of the future that are of legitimate concern and those that are not.

      ESTP Sociopath

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    5. ESTP-Thanks for your reply.:) I was just wondering if the "karma"/"boomerang effect"/"what you put out into the world", has come back to you or not that you are aware, of thus far...

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    6. PS ESTP-It is hard to know definitively, whether certain things would happen or not anyway, isn't it???

      Delete
  3. This guy certianly is someone you do need in your life. His behaviour is apalling and it is good you broke up with him finally. Whether he is a sociopath or not, it should not make any difference to you. He is not good. So, stay away. If he tries to conduct you, just diasappear. Sooner or later he will move on to somebody else to inflict his lousy character traits. No more analysis for a person like this is needed. Just be nice to yourself , surrender you with good friends , nurture your psyche and let time and distance to make the rest. Break-ups even from loosers always hurt for some time, but you will overcome this. Overanalysing his character traits will lead you nowhere in the long term.
    So, take heart, burn the bridges with the looser and build a good life for you away from this kind of pricks. Do not stay stuck in the times of affection.The origin of his problems is not your job to resolve , it is his.
    Live your own life as better as you can with people who enrich it, not with people who diminish it.
    good luck

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  4. Yes! True! No more analusis needed! I stayed with this guy for 5 months for the great sex to be honest with you. I mever intended a relationship to come put of this, but oart of me idealizes him (as much as I could idealize someone showing those behaviors towards me). Funnt that the first comment mentioned that on sex. Funny too, how we all have sociopathic behaviors. I do not consider myself a sociopath, but I stayed with him for the sex not caring about his feelings. Something inside me made me feel as if he had none. (Still no reason for me to toy with him, I know). I never did introduce him as a boyfriend to anyone because i did not think this would get anywhere. When i saw there was no way his behavior would change and, actually, escalated, I left.
    Anyways, thanks M.E. For the post and thank everyone for the comments. Very much appreciated.
    Ine last thing... I am intrigued by the mind of sociopaths, as well as any other person, for that matter. Love reading yoi all's posts!
    Although, most times I have to stop myself because i start feeling sad that I may encounter someone that may toy with me like that. What do you all think about people that try to play you, manipulate you, etc...? If you want to rant about your thoughts and life and yourself, please go ahead! This is so interesting to me!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha You weren't the one toying with him,you were just a punching bag he liked to rage on and now you're covering it up with the excuse that it was all for "great sex" haha

      Delete
  5. Pastoral stormy. With veins of lighting running through it.

    You are considerate to ask. Thank you Musical Anon.

    How's it going?

    Mr. Hyde

    Pastoral stormy, with veins of lightening running through it. I think Adele's "Hello", might just "fit the bill".:)

    I always try to be considerate.:) You're more than welcome, Mr. Hyde.:)

    I am alive and well-thank you for asking!!! I am glad to see you are, too.:) Pet Beastie Boy for me.:)

    Adele "Hello":

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A

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    Replies
    1. "Hello" was perfect. Thank you.

      BB is good, still trying to fly off balconies. It's as though his impulsive instincts take over. He does not seem to learn from his mistakes . . . maybe he's high on the feline spectrum, a socio-cat. ;)

      But I don't learn either, cause when he nibbles me bloody I keep going back for more. Guess we make a good pair.

      Mr. Hyde

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    2. Mr. Hyde-I'm glad the song was "perfect", and you are welcome.:) I'm glad BB is good, too.:) He's still flying off of balconies??? He should always land on his feet, since he's a cat.:) It sounds like he might be a socio-cat!!! You know-they say pets "take after" their owners.:) I had a feral cat before, that would nibble me bloody, and we were a good pair, too!!!

      Delete
    3. Mr Hyde-If you need more "veins of lightening":

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YxaaGgTQYM

      Delete
  6. PS Mr. Hyde-Let me know if you liked that song, and if it was a "fitting soundtrack".:) I find her voice haunting and piercing.:)

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  7. In regard to the blog topic-he sounds like a "guy", and not a "man"...

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  8. She needs to find herself "a real man"...

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  9. Where is everyone today? Is everyone missing Jonaid, or what's the deal???

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  10. Wait, I know...everyone is so used to Jonaid's endless posts, that we've gotten out of the habit of posting...

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  11. I just found this and thought others might find it interesting:


    REALITY-DEFORMING TENDENCIES

    Emotional Reactions: As a result of our instinct and errors in our upbringing, our emotional reactions (some of which are explained below) are rarely appropriate to the situations that spark them. A common example would be taking offence to objective criticism, and making a rash decision based on a temporary emotional reaction.

    Moralizing Interpretation: Humans naturally and instinctively fail to distinguish between moral evil and biological evil. We often endow our opinions with moral judgment, as if our way of thinking were best simply because it is our own. We then apply this mode of thinking to others whose behavior we see as improper. Thus we deem such individuals "bad", inferring that they have negative intentions, rather than attempting to understand the psychological conditions that are driving them and which convince them that they are doing what is right. Often these conditions include brain damage or hereditary psychopathologies. The common 'moralizing' approach can be summarized as follows: "Unless one is simply incapable of making moral choices, evil consists of making evil choices."

    Psychopaths have little to no real choice in how they act as they cannot empathize or sympathize; they cannot view other humans as anything other but objects to be used for their advantage – they “lack the hardware,” so to speak. We should offer token sympathy, because they literally have no choice in the matter. Their very genetic code predisposes them toward predatory behavior. They are, as Robert Hare terms them, an intraspecies predator.

    A moralizing interpretation often leads to erroneous behavior, such as a desire for revenge, which itself opens the door for further ponerogenic factors. Often, exaggerated displays of such emotionally loaded interpretations (such as those of Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck, for example) are themselves indications of pathological egotism. "Nothing poisons the soul and deprives us of our capacity to understand reality more objectively than this very obedience to that common human tendency to take a moralistic view of human behaviour." (Lobaczewski


    http://ponerology.com/evil_2a.html

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
  12. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently that will go down in the forum's history!

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  13. He just sounds like an asshole ! Needs to meet his match ! Knock him down a little ..

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  14. Okay I read it more . Air forces, red flag for me. These men attract that line of work. We need them though , but they can come off as hard, mean-hearted , and bold. There's a man down my road that's in the military and he kinda freaks me out. Very intense, very intense eyes, I thought my hubby was intense, he says he knows from high school but I tell him you've mistaken me with someone else. But he's like, I know I know you. When I go out walking or bike riding , it's like he's there, asking me over and over if I want a ride home.

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  15. Superchick-OMG!!! What does your husband think about that military guy, and does your husband do anything about it???

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  16. PS Superchick-I know you are too smart to ever accept "a ride home"!!! Don't let "Mr. Military" abduct you!!!

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    Replies
    1. Lol I won't or I'll try not too. I told hubby about him. Just let him know, " he's too intense , somethings abit off. My husband and I have had convo with him, and I picked up on it right away. It's just his personality me thinks.

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    2. If we accept that the psycopaths act like the intraspecies predators due to their nature and they commit crimes , fraud,murder or whatever violation upon 'normal people' becouse they are just not capable of empathy - consciense, we should render them not responsible for their actions...this is what comes as a logical consequense according to this line of thinking that is presented above by the post of Mr Hyde . The predators should be offered sympathy and understanding as they act in antisocial ways being compellled by their nature. They do not have bad/evil intentions becouse due to their nature they view their intentions as good ( for themselves , as only themselves they value humans and not objects).

      So , as they do not have evil intentions they should be absolved of the accountability for their disgusting or criminal behaviour. Besides disgust is an emotional reaction , so invalid.

      According to this line of thinking we judje the intentions and not the actions of any individual with intact cognitive function. Aren't we ??? so , we should not punish them , right? they are poor victims of their brain wiring with zero control upon their deeds.

      It has been really a lot of time since i came across to such a shallow oversimplified aproach spilled with the usual'evolutionary' preaching and ethical relativism regarding the accountability of any individual ,psycopathic or not.

      It goes like this the poem for a psycopathic individual: ' my brain made me do it , i am not responsible for the fraud , murders , abandoned children. Love me more neurotypical/ empath/ (aka sucker) i am not bad , i thought that it was nice what i did (nice for me). It is becouse i cannot feel empathy that i behaved in this way. Blame my amygdala -frontal lobe circuit for my apalling actions. Show me tenderness, so i can f... you more and repeatedly. You see i cannot help it , i am made to be an intraspecies predator and i must inflict harm to humans when it is neccessary for my own well being. This is how i live happily and well in sync with my nature.I cannot change what i do becouse i cannot survive otherwise.You have to be the collateral damage of my existense , and i should not be accountable for this.
      Blame my lack of empathy that i molested that child. I knew cognitively that it was unacceptable and illegal as i have a normal IQ and i do not suffer from hallucinations but as i am not able to feel the pain of others i shall continue to do what i do for ever becouse it is my damn amygdala".... " besides nature loves neurodiversity, so let me live my neurodiversity in the way it suits me becouse i do what nature told me to do. You see ,nature is above all. We are mamals .Humanism is something socially constusted ,so it is inavalid . I am an animal of nature , like a lion. I should live my nature even if this means that i have to do it at the expense of other animals called homo sapiens sapiens. It is what animals do even when they have a brain. Let alone some dummies like Socrates , Platon , Aristotle who said that human is a social creature who should try to evolve his mind and psyche above its animal nature trying to reach beauty , harmony and virtue through love , self-awarenes ,cooperation , cultivation of the spirit and ultimately self accountability .
      What ? it was almost 3000 years before that the civilisation of these dummies ancient Greeks was founded and gave to humanity, logic-reason, theatre, art, architecture,the origins of all sciences, medicine and other socially constructed moralistic values??... Just forget about them. No , i am a mamal and i have to act like what i am, irrespective that i posses a cerebral cortex and the ability to think and decide while i am planning my actions in life.

      Delete
    3. emotional responses arent invalid they are the only things you base your life upon,no one is fully emotionless,instead the psychopath is driven by his lust for pleasure which is an emotional response in itself

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  17. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently that will go down in the forum's history!

    ReplyDelete
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  19. On my opinion, to communicate with a sociopath is uncomfortable and a little dangerous because you don't what to waiting from him. If you need some help in writing, click here for essay writing service.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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