I believe that my X and father of my baby is a sociopath. When we were first together i found him very charming so I fell for him. I later found out that he is a pathological liar. The majority of what he says is a lie. At the beginning of our relationship I just believed everything he said because I didn't know any better, but the truth eventually came out. He used to always tell me he loved me over and over everyday, but I would get frustrated because his actions would never follow through. Everytime he did something wrong he always blamed it on me. Things were never his fault in his mind. He also never appeared to feel guilty when he did anything hurtful to me. In fact he rarely even knew he did anything wrong until I had to spell out for him how he had been terrible and how it effected me. He never seemed to have the ability to realize on his own that he was doing anything wrong. Everything he does, he does for himself and what makes him happy with no regard for how it affects others.
The relationship ended when I truly fell in love with him and was trying hard to do the best I could to win his love. He got bored. I also got pregnant with his child and during my pregnancy I needed him, but my neediness just pushed him away. He broke up with me and I moved out when I was midway through my pregnancy. I still loved him though and wanted a father for my baby so I kept trying to win his love back. It never worked. He just used me when I offered him everything he wanted and would tell me he would care and be there but never followed through with his promises.
What I am worried about is what to do now that my baby is born. So far the father has made promises to care but has continued to lie, treat me badly, not come around when he says he will etc. When I get mad at him and explain to him what he has done wrong he will maybe act as though he cares for a couple of days. Or when his family gets mad at him for being a terrible father he will try and care because he doesn't want to deal with crap from his family. Because of his inability to feel guilt or no when he is doing wrong, I am very scared to have him around my baby or take him into his care. I am worried about trying to kick him out of me and my babies life though because then I think he'll feel it as more of a game to go to court and fight for custody and will do so, not because he cares about the baby and seeing him, but because he doesn't want to lose. What do I do? How can I get him to leave me and the baby alone and disappear from our lives. I'm scared to let him be around, but I'm also scared of trying to make him go away because it might actually make things worse. Please help.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sociopath co-parents: defense against the dark arts (part 1)
Co-parenting with someone you don't like can be hard. It can be especially hard if that co-parent is a sociopath. Is it possible to get the sociopath co-parent out of you and your child's life completely? A reader asks: