Monday, May 23, 2016

The Cipher

I liked this other passage from Kierkegaard's The Sickness Unto Death regarding another loss of sense of self. This one is interesting to me because I have just recently come to know someone who fits this description. I otherwise would have never believed that this type of person existed, because it seems so odd to react to the uncertainty and risks of life by giving up one's sense of agency and power in exchange for the peaceful burden-free life of victimhood. (Probably because I reacted in the opposite way myself.)

Regarding the despair of weakness:

But the despair is essentially that of weakness, a passive experience; its form is, in despair at not wanting to be oneself.
***
The despair of weakness is the despair of not wanting to be oneself. This kind of despair is a passivity of the self. It’s frame of reference is the pleasant and the unpleasant. What matter is what happens or does not happen to oneself. 

True despair is to lose the Eternal, but this kind of despair does not occur to the one who despairs in weakness. He is too preoccupied with securing his earthly existence. To lose the earthly is not true despair, yet that is precisely what this person calls despair. He is turned around and what he says must be understood backwards. He stands there pointing to something that is not really despair (a loss of some kind); he is explaining that he is in despair, and yes, sure enough, the despair is going on, but it is behind him and he is unaware of it. If everything suddenly changes and his wishes are fulfilled, then happiness returns to him. When help comes from outside happiness is restored to him and he begins where he left off. Yet he neither was nor becomes a self. He simply carries on living merely on the level of what is immediate and what is happening around him. 

This form of despair consists of not wanting to be a self. Actually, it consists of wanting to be someone else! Such a self refuses to take responsibility. Life is but a game of chance. Hence, in the moment of despair, when no help comes, such a person wants desperately to become someone else. And yet a despairer of this kind, whose only wish is the craziest of all wishes — to be someone else — is in love with a fancy that change can be made as easily as one puts on another coat. Or to put it differently, he knows himself only by his coat. He simply doesn’t know himself! He knows what it is to have a self only in externals. There could hardly be a more absurd confusion, for a self differs precisely, no infinitely, from those externals. It is impossible to draw a picture of him that is not comic.

"What if I were to become another, were to get myself a new self?" 

Yes, but if he did become another, I wonder if he would recognize himself again! It is related of a peasant who came cleanly shaven to the Capital, and had made so much money that he could buy himself a pair of shoes and stockings and still had enough left over to get drunk on -- it is related that as he was trying in his drunken state to find his way home he lay down in the middle of the highway and fell asleep. Then along came a wagon, and the driver shouted to him to move or he would run over his legs. Then the drunken peasant awoke, looked at his legs, and since by reason of the shoes and stockings he didn't recognize them, he said to the driver, "Drive on, they are not my legs." So in the case of the immediate man when he is in despair it is impossible to represent him truly without a touch of the comic.

59 comments:

  1. FIRST!!!

    WOO-HOO!!!

    ~Vegas

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  2. "What if I were to become another, were to get myself a new self?"

    Sounds like the story line of Covert NarcSharts.
    *where's my meat suit*

    ReplyDelete
  3. "after an experience with a sociopath one must rebuild one self from a cellular level" that quote has stayed with me. It is so true.

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    Replies
    1. It sounds like you've been fucked by alien

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    2. ABC-i was. Totally

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    3. Was it a learning experience? Or the lesson was wasted? As that does often seem to be the case. Either that, or it's merely of question of whether one chooses to bother with remembering it at opportune moments.

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    4. Alien

      RotatingPDofTerminalBreed: it's the most completely adaptive process and goes well beyond cerebral learning.

      What do you mean by Covert NarcSharts? You've written it a few times now. Tell us about the meat suit.

      Delete
    5. North-

      I just noticed you wrote:

      "RotatingPDofTerminalBREED".

      That made me giggle.:)

      HA!!! LOL!!!

      ~Vegas

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    6. Thinking of puppies, what can I say

      Delete
    7. North-

      Are you really thinking of puppies???

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  4. This post reminds me of something I once heard. " The only true dissatisfaction of life come from comparison" Meaning we are happy with ourselves if we don't compare ourselves to others. In Fiji, for instance, there was no know anorexia, then they started getting in American TV. Within a few years they had an over 30% occurrence of anorexia and bulimia in young girls.

    The whole "if I just had that I would be happy" fallacy is a driving force in everyone's live today who are exposed to any kind of media and advertising. Many people think the fix for themselves comes from outside forces when it really comes from living in the moment and accepting who you are. This hits hardest for the sociopath since we do really have the option of recreating ourselves and will hardly mourn the skin we shed to become the new us. Why mourn it, was it not just another mask? The more you acquire the more you bind yourself.

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    Replies
    1. Such an eloquent rebuttal @abc please go on

      Delete
    2. PB, you read like a BPD. The no self crew of the Clusterbunnies of stupid and co.

      The rest is online puppetry and bs for the bored.

      After that, you get covertnarcsharts.

      In short, I agree with abc.

      Delete
    3. It's actually a great observation. You either didn't understand what he said or didn't like it. That doesn't change the fact that he's right.

      Delete
    4. "In short, I agree with abc."

      Who's very short: "Bullshit."

      Whereas RotatingPDofTerminalBleed reads: like a BPD wannabe today. With a need to describe Clusterbunnies of stupid online puppetry and bs, between really reeeally insulting insults.

      Maybe change the order of:
      Insult
      Rant
      Stupid statement
      Insult
      around a bit.

      Good to see the terminal bleed has been staunched.

      You, abc and Anon here make a good trio. All together. Close together. Strange. So very strange.
      Which PD next? Done schizoid, [well, tried] now trying BPD - can you do paranoidPD next? And go survivalist? off grid? like, for a very long time? LOL.

      Downgraded from a castle to a box already though. Must be tough. Austerity, no doubt.

      XK

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    5. Xk you really have a problem with that castle analogy don't ya...

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    6. Why would you take it personally XK? Observations are not the same as insults. If it doesn't apply to you, what is your problem with it?

      You seem upset with that for some reason.

      Maybe it was the other post that was deleted that got your knickers in a knot? The one where exchanging 'Masks' and mourning or not the loss of a persona was non existent, but that at the same time the moobs and 40 lb hanging rolls of flab were not so easily lost? Reality is rather brutal in that regard. Delusion of your projections does not affect the perception of the audience despite the projectionist's most abject attempts to do so.

      Delete
    7. Truthfully I do have some BPD indices but the testing drops me straight into sociopath territory. The above is somewhat based on my Hindu proclivities.

      Delete
    8. Truthfully I do have some BPD indices but the testing drops me straight into sociopath territory. The above is somewhat based on my Hindu proclivities.

      Delete
    9. Drat. I wrote a really succinct comment and the damn blog swallowed it up! I suspect it swallowed PP's also, hence two copies. My version 2, even more succinct.

      @ Anon 11.11 am:

      Regarding me being 'upset', 'if applying to me etc. and 'problems', 'insults', 'knickers in a knot'.
      The point has been made before about assumed motives. I know this because I made them, over and over again.
      Your assumption of fraught emotions [of mine] is in your mind. The 'brutal reality':

      I had a stomach bug, was indoors, was bored. I took some words from two comments, added something from a third, re-arranged them to amuse myself, was less bored, and that was that.
      I like doing it. I'm not going to stop. LOL I do it unemotionally but then feel amusement if it works [for me].
      So, my problem was a stomach bug, the upset was sharp stomach pains, and the knotted knickers - absolutely no comment. LOL
      I have no idea what was in the deleted comment BTW as it was ...deleted? Regarding perceptions of an audience. Don't worry yourself. I've never been abject, to many others' dismay over the years, so I'll proceed to amuse myself re-arranging others' words. They may or may not be stoically capable of managing their attitude towards that propensity of mine.
      'Assumptions, assumptions. My kingdom for no assumptions.'

      I hope this comment doesn't disappear into the ether so Anon doesn't have to assume I'm too mortally injured emotionally to approach a keyboard ever again.

      XK

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    10. PS. Shit-stirring Anon:

      Oh yes. Forgot my manners.
      Many thanks for providing me with a second opportunity to amuse myself by spinning off someone else's words. Appreciated.

      XK

      Delete
    11. Puppy Basket-

      You mentioned in a previous post, that you decided not to do evil/sin anymore.

      Was there anything in particular, that brought you to that decision?

      Was it Hinduism?

      ~Vegas

      Delete
    12. "I took some words from two comments, added something from a third, re-arranged them to amuse myself, was less bored, and that was that.
      I like doing it. I'm not going to stop. LOL I do it unemotionally but then feel amusement if it works [for me]. "

      That was obvious. As are your faux 'manners' and sniveling whine.

      And you pulled the NPD leap over the main point of the Masks and twisted brutal reality into your emotions to which it was not implied nor intended. lol Refresh your memory: Masks exist online and are disposable, but the meat suit with the 40 lbs of fat hanging with the hand up the puppets arse is still disordered meat.

      The sniveling attention whoring of covertNPD and 'Masks' of BS. The false construct of the deluded that can only exist online.

      Delete
    13. @ Anon at 8.01pm

      LOL. Stopped back and - well. What a lovely surprise. A wind-up. 8-)
      What an excellent opportunity to put the 'mean' back in meaningless!

      Sweetie. Yessss. Get angry. Much more angry. LOL. Froth at the mouth even, [in literary terms only of course. Might disturb anyone around you in real life if they see you doing that....LOL.]

      Are you a butcher by occupation BTW. You're a bit focused on meat.

      Serious now though. I have no idea what you're referring to re NDP leaps [and bounds??] or 40lbs of fat etc etc. So that part was a bit useless in terms of producing an effect.

      "As are your faux 'manners'"

      Ooohhh, you're sharp. And very sophisticated using 'faux'. Pas?
      Now off you go and get more attention online, show how you are above all crassness, meanness and exploitation of the innocent; write a rational, reasoned, unemotional comment regarding the current post by ME. Go on, off you go. Don't be afraid. There's a sweetie.

      I know, *I know*, I should take PP's august advice to ignore narcissists. You could stalk me till the EndOfTime if your life really is that pointless. But once in a while I *want* to be a false construct, shit-stirring Anon. Or, I know! swapped: Ass.
      8-)
      Fear me if I start talking about root vegetables.

      XK

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    14. LOL that was lame as ever. Root vegetables is your forte as we know, in particular the ones that get shoved in places I doubt the gods would have foreseen their use, but you being first at all things stupid wouldn't want to miss out on the notoriety.

      Want to see my meat suit? Butt ugly, I know, but being the loving socio that you are, it won't stop you from blowing sunshine up my ass, mind you...pull the veggies out first for a long look at the cranial matter.

      Delete
    15. @JJTP:

      Didn't want to 'write a rational, reasoned, unemotional comment regarding the current post by ME', I gather. Don't like getting told what to do huh? 8-)
      Dominance issues huh?
      No, your reply Is Just Not Good Enough. I'm neither insulted, annoyed, put out, amused or ...anything.
      Are you upset over something? Or just supplying pseudo-aggression?
      I'm not competing do you understand? It doesn't matter to me whether 'that was lame' or not. Or 'notoriety'. Projecting much.
      Do *humour*. I want satirical humour from you. Much better than my attempts. Produce that. Understand? Not teen-style insults.

      XK

      Delete
    16. These back and forth snippity exchanges make me think of the Sorcere's Apprentice. The part with the Wagner when all the shadow creatures morph from seductive figures to shapeless energy fighting amongst each other.

      Delete
    17. @ Anon 7.37am:
      LOL.
      Ohhh yess!! Better. Much better. 8-)
      Thank you; says Real Manners.
      LOL

      XK

      Delete
    18. Think nothing of it

      Delete
    19. Insert * eye roll * for the sock puppet support team.

      Delete
  5. ABC bullhshit indeed. Sociopaths squire quite a lot actually. People, things. Whatever. They are just wasteful and throw things away. They are however extremely envious which is why they are always acquiring more. Never satisfied. Always wasteful.

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    Replies
    1. But puppy baskets I'm sure your quite aware of what you are. I think you just like to be contrary.

      Delete
    2. There it is again, 'Always' and 'Never' you forgot. That is the BPD/ NPD trying to lock people into boxes for their own convenience in direct opposition to the reality of what they remain blind to.

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    3. So open my eyes

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  6. Myth: all psychopaths chase material things to fill a vacuum. Some socios see the pointlessness. And why should intelligent beings do senseless things? These socios see the famous career-type as slightly psychotic: lost in fantasy. Gone to lala-land. But they do understand that "urge", they also see life as warfare. They do understand that money is "sacred", "with" money people get a shield from all sorts of interference. But they realize that life is just a countdown, the body a fragile skinsack & the TIME the hamsters in that wheel waste on their deluded dream is too expensive. Sociopath wisdom exists, psychopaths that would turn down an offer of millions if that offer meant a "golden cage" and similar things are real.

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  7. Joseph Campbell said the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. I guess if you can separate who you are from what happens to you and how skillfully (or not) you react to adversity, it might be that powerful coping skills happiness reap something closer to at least serene neutrality if not happiness than actual good fortune.

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  8. Which is a long-winded way of saying it's not what happens to you but how you react that brings contentment. Which I've come to accept over time and with experience. I think the reason I fought against it for so long is that the sentiment often comes out of the mouth of someone smug, sanctimonious and manipulative making the statement to further their own agenda as opposed to giving emotional support.

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    Replies
    1. Your first post provided the necessary level of detail to extend the thought beyond mere sentiment. It has the resonance of experience.

      Delete
    2. Blognymph-

      Your post reminded me of the following, which my favorite boss, gave to me:

      The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
      Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ...a church ...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
      We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ...we are in charge of our attitudes. -Charles Swindoll

      ~Vegas

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    3. That quote is absolutely true. Being optimistic and making good out of bad is the way you end up 'being lucky' in life. It's not some external 'luck', but how you choose to behave regarding opportunity and adversity. That's what I've found anyway.
      I discovered that's Stoicism, [so's that quote, essentially] a couple of years ago. All those years of being a Stoic and not even knowing it! LOL.

      XK

      Delete
    4. XK-

      That quote serves me well, and I completely agree with you.:)

      I didn't know that was "Stoicism"-that's new to me.:)

      I must be Stoic, as well, and just discovering it.:)

      ~Vegas

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    5. XK-

      Actually, I wasn't specific again.

      I have always known that I'm "Stoic", however I was unfamiliar with the term.

      ~Vegas

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    6. XK-

      I will share a personal story with you.

      My father passed away, when I was very young-still in grade school. My family notified my school, that I wouldn't be attending, for the next week or two.

      My siblings all took advantage of the time off, while I went to school, the very same day.

      I didn't see the point, in staying home. My teacher and classmates were shocked to see me-they were in disbelief.

      I am neurotypical, and had emotions about my father's passing, however I did not let that deter me. When my best friend started to cry about it, I did cry a little. I quickly regained my composure.

      That story still comes up, in family conversations...

      ~Vegas

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    7. XK-

      Psychopaths and neurotypicals are more alike, than different.:)

      ~Vegas

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    8. Vegas

      "I will share a personal story with you."

      You shouldn't.

      "I quickly regained my composure."

      That's not good either.
      Short Shrink advice: "If you have emotions about something, don't repress them".

      XK

      Delete
    9. Vegas I thought your story was pretty amazing and I'm glad you shared it. :-)

      Delete
    10. Anon @ 8:08-

      Thank you.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  9. I will admit there was a time in my life when I fantasized about being someone else. It was a kind of "despair" I guess but more than that it was an inability to foresee a life worth living with what I had. Just clinging on to mere existence for the heck of it and living a useless, confused, and ultimately pointless life did not appeal to me, at all. I didn't see any future that I was okay with so escapism became a refuge. Thankfully I was completely wrong.

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  10. Puppy Basket

    Here's another way to describe how I distinguish between a real psychopath and sociopathy & all its variations:

    Sociopath: Sees the world as a dangerous place, people as untrustworthy, and is on hyper alert mode. This is more subconscious than not and is a result of genes & experience. They do not intend to cause harm or cheat even when it may appear to be the case on the outside - they're simply acting defensively & "appropriately" in their mind. They may compensate for their subconscious fears & cynicism by being more "daring," and challenging authority whenever possible. The "I'm better or smarter than the average joe" is not necessarily a result of false pride: they actually believe they see & understand the world in ways that others don't or can't. Then of course it's also possible (likely in my opinion) that they really are more "IQ" intelligent than an average person. To what extent they are lacking in empathy is also determined by genes & experience. Lack of empathy in their case results in indifference, not an "evil" intent or motive, and an inability to make real connections with most people.

    Psychopath: the genetic & environmental cause of sociopathy. These are the first people - with no genetic or environmental triggers - who choose to manipulate people when they realize that lying, cheating and deceiving can get them "ahead" and give them a thrill while they're at it. They usually have a whispering companion who helps them along and intices them.

    In summary: a sociopath has the ability to turn empathy on & off as needed but it's predisposed towards a psychopathic outcome & is at least partly, if not mostly, subconscious. The psychopath has full (or mostly is in) control over his "switch," but chooses, and indeed wants, to use it as freely & destructively as he does.

    A sociopath can become a psychopath when it has its awakening and gains full control over their switch. Intentions are everything. The delusional, materially bound, power-hungry, self-obsessed, ingrateful person will naturally incline towards psychopathy and vice versa. There's an entire spectrum in between where everyone else falls. Intentions are everything (no intention / auto reaction is a neutral intention).

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    1. "Sees the world as a dangerous place, people as untrustworthy, and is on hyper alert mode. This is more subconscious than not and is a result of genes & experience."

      I'm NOT saying they're necessarily scared or fearful. This a just pragmatics in their mind. It's the real psycho who is a real coward...because he knows what he does.

      Delete
  11. I sometimes unwittingly call the people that screwed me sociopaths. They're actually more narcissistic / psychopathic. The primary root of their self-inflicted disease is not greed or power but lust. Their self-aggrandizement & arrogance is a delusion they indulge to satiate their out of control libido - everything else, be it financial interests, ethics, family & friends, responsibilities etc. etc. is subordinate to the fulfillment of every sexual urge.

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  12. THIS SONG ALWAYS MAKES ME WANT TO DANCE!!!

    Elle Goulding is one of those artists, that sounds as good live, as she does recorded...

    SomethingInTheWayYouMove

    ~Vegas

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    Replies
    1. She's hot, has rhythm, and the voice of an angel.:)

      ~Vegas

      Delete
  13. Danceable tune! Too bad the fat on the meatsuit jiggles so wildly it looks like belly dancing.

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  14. https://itubeapp.net

    .pull the veggies out first for a long look at the cranial matter.

    ReplyDelete
  15. was it not just another mask? The more you acquire the more you bind yourself.

    moviebox.pro

    ReplyDelete

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