Saturday, September 19, 2015

"My experience of you" vs. "real you"

It's funny once you become aware of something and it's on your radar, you start both (1) seeing other instances of it and (2) you understand what's going on in those instances. For instance, I remember at one time in my life not understanding the meaning of the Fleetwood Mac song Landslide, and I also remember there being a very specific (although I've forgotten it now, ha) moment in which I suddenly understood it and it applied perfectly to my situation at that time.

I've always liked this Bjork song, but a few months ago I finally understood it:


I watched the first episode of the Netflix comedy Grace and Frankie, sort of an odd couple dynamic between two women whose husbands leave them for each other. Frankie is hippy dippy, Grace is rich white lady. But it also had an example of the sort of defining someone's identity that I mentioned in the last post:

Frankie: I lost my best friend. You don't even like Robert. 

Grace: You have no right to judge me. You don't know us. 

Frankie [clears throat] I'm sorry, I was judging by my experience of you, not the real you. That was wrong of me. 

I thought, that's a good distinction to make -- judging by our experience of a person versus whatever the real them is. We would never assume that we know all there is to France and French people after watching a French film or visiting Paris. Why do we feel so sure of ourselves in terms of our ability to judge someone's character after seeing a similar small sliver of the real them.

64 comments:

  1. If a person has a pressing concern, they believe that all of life revolves
    around that concern. It's the egotistical "I" or "me." It doesn't occur to them
    that other people have their own concerns, they think their whole life revolves
    around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NieceeBird - Denise Acker TaylorSeptember 20, 2015 at 8:28 AM

      Off topic reply here that is actually right on the main topic of Sociopathy. This is an offering of sincere, whole-hearted, truthful thanks to Sociopaths. You carry the worst wrap for how you each are made, especially when we are all flawed. By Labelmaker, I guess I would be considered an Empath. Though I despise labels despite their ability to act as a front line of assessment. I am your superhuman capacity forgiver because my compassion runs so friggin deep, I hate it at times. The sociopaths in my inner circle has helped me set up boundaries through often cruel and horrid actions against me, but they have ultimately allowed me to release my get my compassion at a manageable , yet eternally hopeful for the good , level. A compounding Thank You to ME Thomas for having the courage to come out of hiding , step into the light for all to see and pick at if they choose, and doing it all with the fearlessness and unapologeticness that is the strength of your label. The greatest gift given to me by my sociopath/narcissists is freedom. 30 years and 4 earth-quaking , levelling experiences later, and I too am out of hiding...unapologetic also for the fierce compassion, forgiveness, perceptiveness, intuitiveness, and above all, hopefulness that resides in my entire being. I couldn't have come to this self-realization (Maslow's highest on the archy) had it not been for the sociopaths in my life....whom I still and will always love and want success for...because I'm a lover by nature. Just happens to be we live in a cruel world that the socios handle with expedience , while the Empaths craddle the fallout. This is life. No black and white in reality. I would love nothing more to sit on a panel or in a group with Socios and Empaths together. Not to bleed out wounds and cry over the hurt....but to talk about how, in a weird way, we are Yin Yang

      Delete
    2. "to talk about how . . . we are Yin Yang."

      This would be a valuable dialogue. Let me know when and where . . .:))

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
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  2. I would agree with you, Anonymous, if you changed the pronoun to "I"

    ReplyDelete
  3. I would agree with you, Anonymous, if you changed the pronoun to "I"

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would agree with you, Anonymous, if you changed the pronoun to "I"

    ReplyDelete
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  6. "The real you" makes me laugh. The experiences you have of people ARE experiences of the real person.

    While not the COMPLETE person...it is very much the "real" person.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is NOT the real person. It is a role they are playing at that time and
    place.

    ReplyDelete
  8. While it's true that what we experience are only partial aspects of the person we're interacting with, the same is true for us: The other person only experiences a portion of who we 'really' are, too. After all, we're different people depending on who we're with. With my children, I act a certain way. If I hang out in a dive bar, I'm more likely to drop the more sophisticated parts of my being that would argue points of philosophy. If I'm with a client, I'm polite and solicitous, and so on. One might as well ask, Will the real Mr. Hyde please stand up? Different people, places and things bring out different aspects of ourselves.

    Dancer in the Dark is a great movie and I've seen it All is one of my favorite songs.

    Mr. Hyde

    ReplyDelete
  9. The amount of posts on here by someone saying TEEEHEEE is doing my frigging head in! Seen it spamming a couple of threads now, what the fuck?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people find life to be more meaningful if they repeatedly bang their head against the wall once and a while. Whatever reason for it only they will ever know.

      Delete
  10. I think "How The Mind Works" with Steven Pinker is on the topic here. I guess the book is on the topic of many things related to what goes on in our heads, but I was specifically thinking of how we people generalize. I think that is in chapter 5. There was a slight debate about it there, even diving into the topic of racism a bit - which is also a sort of labeling and dealing with labels instead of the various real details.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  12. M.E. is in the midst of a epithony. You can just sense it.
    This is a test of who is loyal to her, and who stays by her side.
    The ones that fall away because they are bored, and can't grasp her concepts,
    are NOT her real friends.
    M.E. is NOT your "entertainer." If anything ,she is your teacher.
    We should send her messages of love and encouragement for as long as this
    blog lasts.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Message of love and encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Message of respect and admiration

    ReplyDelete
  15. Message in a bottle: Please fix the captcha and other glitches that make typing comments on this blog hideously slow.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Why does a sociopath/narcissist act like he still likes me even though I explicitly told him that I know what he is and don't want to have anything to do with him! he denied it, insulted me and tried to gaslight me. Now he still acts like we're friends in front of other people, what the hell is going on in his head and what is he trying to do ??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A sociopath may be playing with you, a narcissist holding up image of self - not allowing any criticism to taint the picture of the self they have built,constructed. Try not to engage, for your sanity.

      Delete
  17. "It's funny once you become aware of something and it's on your radar, you start both (1) seeing other instances of it and (2) you understand what's going on in those instances.

    I thought, that's a good distinction to make -- judging by our experience of a person versus whatever the real them is."

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nQT7SCfbVc

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm sorry, but I can't agree with that at all. Judging people by your own experience of them is a vital personal safety practice.

    For instance, there are plenty of serial killers that are nice to their mothers. Would you date one and assume they will treat you like their mom?

    Society is full of people who love some while dispising others. Treat them the way they treat you, unless you've figured out an angle to them

    ReplyDelete

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    1. How To Win Your GOLDMINE Back

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  24. How To Win Your Ex Back
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    1. Brain Adams (TEEHEE DIDN'T EVEN SPELL BRIAN RIGHT)September 27, 2015 at 12:36 PM

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  26. How Dr Eboehi The Great Spell Caster help Bring Back My Ex Lover: Husband

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  30. How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

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  40. I have never seen anything that has worked so effective like Dr.Adodo spell that was able to bring my lover back to me within 48 hours. I run into luck on that beautiful day that i found Dr.Adodo contact details on an article that someone wrote about Dr.Adodo i had no choice that to contact and trust him. Dr.Adodo shocked me because i was not expecting to get a positive result as fast as that because the way my boyfriend left me was terrible, he lift me for my friend and i was told by Dr.Adodo that she used a black magic spell on him. Since the return of my lover i have made a promise that i will write out Dr.Adodo on the internet and his contact details are +2348156784928 and via email: Adodospelltemple@gmail.com. His website http://adodospelltemple.wix.com/adodospelltemple

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  41. Am so much happy today to be the kind of man i wanted to be, My lover is back with me now. My lover left me alone when i needed her most i never believe she would come back to me but one day when i was online i found a man called DR.YAMAZA on how he has been helping people so i contacted him for help so he told me what to do which i did and my lover came back to me within 48 hours so if you are also in need of his help contact him at: yamazatemple@yahoo.com

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  42. I see better every one of the necessities of my customer, and recollect that I am eminently great at making men glad to amazing call girls in Chennai area.

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  43. I can`t imagine what i would have been able to do without without my lover. I was fed up of life when i received his text messageh that cool evening that he does not want to have anything to do with me again that i should move on with my life without him. As for me i felt like the whole world was crashing on me but I thank God for making use of DR.YAMAZA to get my lover back within 48 hours. If you want to get your lover back contact DR.YAMAZA on YAMAZATEMPLE@YAHOO.COM

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  44. After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drajascospellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drajascospellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

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  45. When i called Dr.Zabaza on +2348182620374 i never knew that he was this powerful to the extend of making my wife that left me sometime ago to come back to me within the matters of few hours, Having read so many reviews about Dr.Zabaza i had no choice than to contact him and have faith that he will be able to bring my wife back to me but i never expected him to this fast. Since the return of my wife i have had one taught in my mind which is to put his contact information on any website and the contacts information are: zabaza.logan@yahoo.com and you can also call Dr.Zabaza through the number above.

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  46. What a great miracle in my life i am so happy that i am with my lover, with the help of DR.YAMAZA whose contact information is: YAMAZATEMPLE@YAHOO.COM he made me to believe that there are still spell casters who are powerful, Through his help i have my lover back and i am advising any one that is having difficult times in there relationship to contact Dr.Yamaza with the above email address in other to experience love in your relationship..

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  47. Hello everyone out there i am Abriana Santos from South Africa, When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster Dr.Zack Balo, how he helped many people to get their lovers and broken homes back, i contacted him through his email address wiseindividualspell@gmail.com because I was absolutely desperate to get my husband back. Life without my husband was a real mess for me and my two kids. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought magic could be the solution. After discussing the resolution with Dr.Zack Balo, he gave me hope that he will restore my marriage. I felt confident that he will actually make my husband to return home and he did it after 3days of casting the spell! It’s fantastic what this great spell caster have done for me, his help is priceless! I don't know what I would have done without Dr Zack Balo, you can also contact him through his phone number +2348078927387 or email address wiseindividualspell@gmail.com.

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  48. Time has come for Dr.Ogudugu to be given a better reward for his good works, I was suffering from heart break for almost a month before i was able to get Dr.Ogudugu contact details via email: greatogudugu@gmail.com and Dr.Ogudugu told me that he will be able to restore my broken relationship within 48 hours. After few hours that i contacted Dr.Ogudugu my lover called me and from there my relationship was restored.

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  49. He was killed in battle two days later.

    ReplyDelete

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