Saturday, August 23, 2008

Conversation with a sister

M.E.: Do you think that you have a pretty good ability to empathize?

Sister:
I think so. I definitely cry when other people do.

M.E.:
Was it weird for you to grow up with a narcissistic father, distant mother, and sociopathic siblings? Did you sometimes feel like a changeling?

Sister:
Well, I don't exactly fit the family mold in many ways.

M.E.:
So did you notice that the rest of us are emotionally void

Sister:
Mmm, I think our family isn't emotionally void, but constipated. We don't tend to express emotion.

M.E.:
I think that's because we don't have it. I am a sociopath. So is most of the rest of the family

Sister:
I think the way our family adapts to the crap that goes on in our lives is that we put on this facade that everything is okay. We keep in the feelings of hurt and that teaches us to keep in all our feelings, to not show weakness, we don't show emotion at all.

M.E.:
Yeah, that is interesting that you think that's what happens, but i think some of us just don't have emotions, or only have shallow ones.

Sister
: That might be another reason why the others of us don't like to show our emotions, because it makes us different from the ones that don't have them.

M.E.:
Haha, exactly. That was what I was wondering because it'd be like growing up with deaf parents--you'd be all signing with the rest of the family and maybe ashamed to let your hearing self show around the family. Read this, I’ll send it to you

Sister:
Okay. ... I like it. I definitely feel like the empath you describe, because there are times when I can't control the emotions I'm feeling. Like, someone will be crying and I cry with them, even if I don't want to. I have some control over the intensity of the emotion, but not over which emotion it is.

M.E.:
Hmm, so a volume dial, but not a tuner dial. Interesting.

Sister:
Do you wish you weren't a sociopath? Or, do you like the control? Like, when you try to fit in by finding and focusing on the strongest signal, do you do it because you want to be in tune with people around you, or because you want to fit in? Be liked? Not stand out or be ridiculed?

M.E.:
Good question. Usually it's for personal or social gain, power, control.

Sister:
But only usually. What about in your closer relationships?

M.E.:
For closer relationships I do it for the other person. Well, I know that they will only put up with so much sociopathic behavior so I try to mimic empath behavior for them when I can, like a dutiful husband accompanying his wife to the opera.

Sister:
But is it because you want to make them happy or because you don't want to lose the happiness their friendship brings you?

M.E.:
I don't want to lose the happiness their friendship brings me. And it is sort of nice to have people treat me like a normal person. Nice to feel like I belong

Sister:
Naturally, that seems normal to me. So far, the only parts that seems kind of not so great about the whole sociopath thing as far as you have described it, are that it is kind of selfish as far as only working to pick out the strong signal and act "normal" for your own profit, instead of wanting to be closer to or helpful to others, that part is kind of sad, and the broadcasting a signal of your choice to control the situation, could be done out of concern for others, I suppose, to save them from hurt, but it seems like the motives are more like conceit, or entertainment, or emotional or professional gain.

M.E.:
Yeah. So sort of bad, but not as bad as people think, right?

Sister:
Yeah, not nearly as bad as people think. And with the proper motivation, could be good.

M.E.:
I think knowing this might make people reevaluate their hate. People think that sociopaths are evolutionarily helpful, like they can be little soldiers or otherwise get things done in times of crisis. But it's also sort of scary to have them around in times of no crisis

Sister:
Yeah, definitely more flexible than the empathy. But the power is intimidating, because can be for good or ill.

M.E.:
Yeah, good or ill, like a super hero. We are like the X-Men. Mutants, good and bad. Do you think if you didn't have family members that were sociopaths, you would be inclined to hate on them?

Sister:
The taking pleasure in the pain of others thing creeps me out

M.E.:
Read the difference between narcissist and sociopaths that i just sent you.

Sister:
K. I like the difference, except can't the sociopath just keep acting like a sheep? Does it have to devour?

M.E.:
Ha, yeah it can. Or i mean, that is the question, yeah? Is it like X-Men or vampire? Or if vampire, the good vegetarian vampires.

Sister:
It's time for me to go sleepy time. Just keep eating grass. Maybe with the occasional snack on road kill or something.

M.E.:
Haha. Yeah, I will.

Sister:
I love you. That's the great thing about family. You get to love each other, no matter what. You are easy for me to love.

M.E.:
Ah thanks lady

19 comments:

  1. I'm curious why you didn't say 'I love you too' to your sister. I for one have always had trouble saying it to my family, but not to anyone else. The only conclusion I've come to is that I know my family knows who I really am, they see past the superficial, and know that I don't really get what it even means to love someone. With girlfriends it's easier, they start out as strangers so it's easy for me to create that role since they will take it as truth.

    Is there a reason you left it out?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm curious why you didn't say 'I love you too' to your sister. I for one have always had trouble saying it to my family, but not to anyone else.

    Frankly I have never had a problem saying "I love you" to anyone for any reason. Its utter rubbish of course, love being just some jackass delusion people create to enhance their tolerance of others. Nevertheless I have absolutely no qualms about using love talk to my advantage with anyone, for any reason. The people that I care about probably (or at least should) know me well enough to know the whole concept means nothing to me and everyone else is just asking to be suckered.

    With love, Dio

    ReplyDelete
  3. OoooHblahabLAHAlaba

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can't say 'love' either. Not to my family, not to people I've been in relationships with... it's not shyness. I just don't feel it. I don't hug my family, either. Never gotten families who just hug all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hah. I didn't think anything of the fact that you didn't say "I love you" until I read the comments. I just thought that you are fortunate to have such a sister. You didn't say the words , but you are willing to "eat roadkill" so you don't "feed" on the people like your sister. There was a give and take and acceptance in that conversation on both sides. You don't have to "say it".
    On a side note, I tell people I love them all the time. But I HATE the concept of "love languages"... What a supremely selfish concept. If you love someone, accept their love as it comes. Don't force them to love you the way YOU want. If I love someone who doesn't like to say "I love you" then so be it! I don't need to hear it.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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