Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Interruption

A follow up from yesterday's posts, another piece of power behavior we can learn from our friend Oliver North -- interruption.


One source of power in every interaction is interruption. Those with power interrupt, those with less power get interrupted. In conversation, interrupting others, although not polite, can indicate power and be an effective power move, something noted by scholars in a field called conversation analysis. Men interrupt others more frequently than women, and doctors seldom listen to their patients for very long without interrupting. In each instance, patterns of conversation reinforce differences in power and status derived from other sources such as general social expectations and expert authority.

Watching the Oliver North and Donald Kennedy hearings illustrates this phenomenon. North on one occasion stops an interrogator’s anticipated interruption by holding up his finger and saying, “Let me finish.” He refuses to be interrupted and in several other instances talks over the lawyers and legislators questioning him. By contrast, at one point Donald Kennedy requests permission to continue speaking, asking, “Can I continue?” and thanks the congressman when permission is granted.

I can't stand it when people ask "can I continue?"  They are trying to shame the other person out of interrupting them.  Like most attempts to take the moral high ground, though, I find that it just comes off as whiny and ineffectual.  It's victim behavior.  Its message, at its core, is "I have been wronged, you have wronged me."  But it's very difficult to make victimization work for you as a power move.  I think most people look at victims and don't think "powerful" but "weak." Especially over something so small as interrupting and especially for a proceeding in which the ostensible aim is the truth, the overall effect of this type of behavior is to make the person seem overly defensive and like they are trying to hide something.  

I've actually seen a lot of people be taken down in the comments section via this weakness, trying to enforce false rules of engagement on others like good sportsmanship or good grammar or however it is that they think this gentleman's game of warfare should be played.  Courts use a certain degree of formality and adherence to rules, but in the court of public opinion I have found that being overly rigid in following any sort of "rules" just makes you look like you are trying and failing to play a game of smoke and mirrors.  There's a reason why everyone hates lawyers.  

123 comments:

  1. fhakjfhaS FIRST

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  2. I get sharp with people for interrupting me. I don't shout but I get stern. I tell them "Let me finish." People comply.

    Despite demanding to be heard I am good at interrupting people purposely. If I'm on my game figuring someone out or convincing them to do something I talk in questions. Sometimes short statements leading to a question. Questions are important because they maintain the control and direction of the conversation to being in your hands. You can interrupt someone with a question and it will not seem rude. When i am deflecting a question rebound questions with another question back at the person and ask them a few more questions to make them get they asked any questions at all. People that are want to influence people but can't are not good at this. They make long winded statements and people tend to drop off after a few lines out of boredom. But asking them something makes them feel important and ironically feel like they are in control. If you frame a series of questions right you can corner people into giving the answer you want in the end.

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  3. https://www.adda-sr.org/reading/Articles/solutionsforitimacy-austin.htm

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  4. puoɔǝS

    See, I don't have to be first anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're third.

      Delete
    2. Shame on yous, wasn't playing. So TCO is correct, he is second.

      Delete
    3. Cool. So how do you do the upside down c & e?

      Delete
  5. I've actually seen a lot of people be taken down in the comments section via this weakness, trying to enforce false rules of engagement on others like good sportsmanship or good grammar or however it is that they think this gentleman's game of warfare should be played.

    Hahaha Love it.
    So very fucking true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not seen this on the comments section.

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    2. Neither have I. Nikita is another suck up like Monica.

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    3. Come on now, that's a weak comment to make.
      Surely you can do better than that?

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    4. I am serious as I have not seen what ME means.

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    5. You don't deserve better Niki.

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    6. I don't deserve better? Hmm

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    7. See the thread in the Forum, "Writing an Sociopath with Depth" for an example of what ME describes. Or the whole Calpurnia issue in the Elizabethan thread. Some people get off on imposing grammar rules or flaunting their Shakespearean knowledge but it just makes them look like frigid, old English teachers who have nothing better to do than get out their red pens and start circling.

      Delete
    8. Michael Martin PlunkettJuly 4, 2012 at 3:58 PM

      and they get a hissy fit if they see some 1 who dosnt give a flying fuck about them rules haha its very funny

      Delete
    9. Then the person who doesn't give a fuck gets called a narcissist, for not giving a fuck, because apparently narcissuses don't give a fuck and been called a narcissist is ment to be an insult.
      But who gives a fuck?
      Not I.

      Delete
  6. Monica have you mustered the strength to confront mumsy, yet? I'm interested. Until you face her, all that talk about healing and improvement holds no water. Until you face your abuser, it's all meaningless.
    How much did she hurt and devaluate you?
    Have you ever wanted to harm her? Kill her?

    A big fan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KILL HER. YES. If I did not have excellent logic and reason, which I do, I would have destroyed her, by now. Funny you would ask that. I was just sitting here, thanking God for my reason and logic. I would have destroyed two people, without it. I have never taken any psych drugs. I am careful with my mind, as to addictive substances, because if I slip, I could go into a killing rage.

      Delete
    2. You are a delusional, inverted narcissist. You use your victim-hood to make you seem like a harmless, good person. You have have become your mother.

      Delete
    3. Haha. Here, maybe, Eden. Bec I like to talk about healing and I am codep. See it makes me feel good to help people. But WHY is that advertizing delusion? I am aware of this.

      I am being addictive to my pd here just as Ukan and you get your sadistic rocks off here. HOW can you say I'M delusional ? ?

      Furthermore, Eden, you said if people met you on the outside, your sadism would not show. HOW do you know my codep would show in real life? xx.

      Delete
    4. Fake Monica

      Delete
    5. KILL HER. YES

      Is this all the time or only when she pisses you off in specific ways?

      Delete
    6. No, 8:42 is the real Monica. Well said!

      Delete
    7. I am going to tell you something. The level of anger I have at the denseness of Eden is what I carry, inside, toward my mother. See the meanness in a dense person who will not look at THEMSELVES. Eden is someone will not look at herself and instead throws all that anger out toward another person and seems to have no knowledge she is doing it. That is the preacher who hates gays, but is gay, himself.

      That is Eden-- fucking obnoxious ugly and vicious That is how people get when they lie---ugly as the ugliest thing you can see on the face of the earth. This is evil. Scott Peck calls this kind of self delusion "people of the lie" You gave a great demo, Eden. Well done @@@@@

      Delete
    8. So it's more at those times when someone won't just look and see that this surges up? I remember you mentioning a claw hammer and wondered if that was only when you were extra angry?

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    9. Eden = Ted Haggard?

      Delete
    10. @ Ellicit
      When someone denies who they are and puts their own self hatred, pain, and rage on me, it brings up my past, as this is exactly what my Mal Narc mother did.

      The person hates themselves so much and have rejected themselves, to such a degree, that they throw away undesirable traits in themselves. Then, they throw this on another person, someone whom they think is weak, such as a child. In Eden's case, she is surprised that I am not so fucking weak, as SW strengthens you.

      On top of that, they twist it that the other person deserved it.

      Delete
    11. Do you mean like when that other person tries to tell you black is white, up is down, that kind of thing? That's the kind of thing that sets me off.

      Delete
    12. YES Gaslighting! It used to make me totally wild, but now I have settled to a mild roar.

      Delete
    13. Gaslighting ... That would be like telling someone they don't know their own mind and emotions. Right?

      Delete
    14. Yes, but more complex, too. You set them up, so you can invalidate them. You put them in no win situations and then blame them that they are in that situation. There is no way out, no matter which way they turn, as you set it up that way.

      It is an attempt to drive the person crazy and hence, destroy them.

      Delete
    15. It is an attempt to drive the person crazy and hence, destroy them.

      And you remember that you've said that to Eden a couple of times recently? That she doesn't know her own mind and emotions?

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    16. YES, Eden is a person who gaslights, as she does not face herself. The ultimate gaslight is when she is a person of the lie and says that I am.

      Delete
    17. I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that Eden gaslights unintentionally? That she doesn't know that her mind/emotions have that intent?

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    18. YES, basically. Gaslighting is a form of reaction formation. The person does not know his own mind and it is a subconscious/unconscious mechanism.

      Delete
    19. hahaha! You are so unbelievable. It's right here in this thread, and you don't even see it. Some things just never get old. People's unbelievable delusions just never bore me.

      Delete
    20. ...reaction formation ... The person does not know his own mind and it is a subconscious/unconscious mechanism.

      OK. This is shrink-speak. I thought you didn't hold with all of that? Shrinks can make you worse? We agree that telling someone they don't know their own mind is an attempt to destroy them, right?

      Delete
    21. You were being, Elicit. Big fucking deal. You are a loser, Eden. You live a loser life. You are a bitter, ugly loser---inside and out. I am a winner. I have it all. I am successful. I am pretty. I am smart, but more than that, I try to do good things with my life. I try to lift people up. I try to matter by building people up, not putting them down.

      You can't stand to see goodness, Eden. It shows up how ugly you are.

      Delete
    22. What are you talking about? I wasn't being Elicit. I was just commenting on your conversation with her.

      Delete
    23. You know, I'm really pleased you don't use an account, Monica. You can't hide what you say by erasing them. Not that it would matter...

      Delete
    24. No, Monica. That was all me.

      Delete
    25. Eden
      Beyond the other things about you, you are a boring person. I don't try to make these comments about me. I talk from my heart and that is interesting to people, as people struggle with the same things, basically.


      You are boring because you are a phoney. For all your talk about the details of your sexuality, you are one dimensional and that makes you a bore. Even your sock puppets are boring lol

      Delete
    26. Do you think you have a bit of the sadist in you, Monica?

      Delete
    27. I see the goodness in you Monica.
      Would you like to fuck now?

      Delete
    28. Good Bye Eden. I hope you learned something about yourself he he

      Delete
    29. There there, Monica. Doesn't it feel good to abuse me out in the open, instead of hiding behind all those other fake names, and anons?

      And now you're telling the whole truth about what you really think of me, instead of lying about your admiration. Faking that you have it in you to admire me at all. This really has been priceless.

      Delete
    30. "Do you think you have a bit of the sadist in you, Monica?"

      Oh she definitively does. I love when she shows her true colors too. All that flowery politeness she hides herself under, gone to shit once you put her in a blind rage.

      Delete
    31. You're so good at what you do, Ell. This was a price moment right here:

      ElicitJuly 4, 2012 9:36 AM
      Gaslighting ... That would be like telling someone they don't know their own mind and emotions. Right?


      MonicaJuly 4, 2012 9:54 AM
      Yes, but more complex, too. You set them up, so you can invalidate them. You put them in no win situations and then blame them that they are in that situation. There is no way out, no matter which way they turn, as you set it up that way.

      It is an attempt to drive the person crazy and hence, destroy them.


      ElicitJuly 4, 2012 10:00 AM
      It is an attempt to drive the person crazy and hence, destroy them.

      And you remember that you've said that to Eden a couple of times recently? That she doesn't know her own mind and emotions?

      Delete
    32. Next time I'll shut up and let you do your thang with her. I had no idea she was so close to blowing already, or I wouldn't have said anything else in this thread.

      Delete
    33. It was done already. I was mostly just tapdancing around trying to decide whether it was time to broach another common thread. :-)

      Delete
  7. There are ways to kill without getting caught. Ways to get rid of people. Isn't her mere existance a kind of burden to you? A painful reminder.

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    Replies
    1. Killing someone who has wounded you does not get rid of your wound. It won't exorcise it. I was trying to tell Eden that. Eden can devalue me all she wants. The hate/wound is in her.

      Delete
    2. How can you be sure? Until you do it l, you won't know.

      Delete
    3. Well, if I want any hit men, I will advertise here.

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    4. You dodge questions and try to rationalize your cowardice. All excuses, petty ones if I may add.
      How do you think your mother would react to your death?

      Delete
    5. You are an invert narcissist. You use your use your wounded past to make people think you are a harmless person. You are a covert abuser, and a lie.

      Delete
    6. eden you get more and more fake by the day. and more boring.

      Delete
    7. Hey thanks anonymous. I'm under Monica's tutelage, and it looks to really being paying off. :D

      Delete
    8. You are making yourself look stupid, Eden.

      Delete
    9. "You are making yourself look stupid, Eden."

      You say that as if it matters to me.

      Hey, Monica.... what did you think of that portrait Piles did of me? I gave her some pictures of me for inspiration. Pretty hot, yeah?

      Delete
    10. Monica
      I am not Eden. I am Anon to you and others but I am
      curious; do you ever wonder or reflect on just WHAT
      you did to piss so many people off? Evidently, not because it has come back to slap you in the face. How
      sad for you.

      Delete
    11. introvert narcissist is some made up samvak stuff. you sound as uninformed as mrskany.

      Delete
    12. You look beautiful in your picture, Eden.

      Delete
    13. ^And your truly evil

      Delete
    14. The 8:21 was meant for the 8:14

      Yes, Monica your truly evil

      Delete
    15. Monica
      You sound evil

      Delete
    16. I'm not using the inverted narc stuff to sound informed, anonymous. I can't help that you can't see what's really going on. You'll just have to keep getting pissed off about it I guess.

      Delete
    17. Eden, a person can, only, make himself look bad. You show yourself up, not her.

      Delete
    18. "MonicaJuly 4, 2012 8:19 AM
      You look beautiful in your picture, Eden."

      Piles is very talented don't you think? Her attention to detail, and her description of how she sees me. What did you think of that, Monica? What did you think of Piles' description of me?

      Delete
    19. "A FriendJuly 4, 2012 8:27 AM
      Eden, a person can, only, make himself look bad. You show yourself up, not her."

      I guess we can now add this character to your army of sock puppets, right Monica?

      Delete
    20. no I see what you are doing but its very boring. your real life must be extremely boring. youve turned into an internet cliche

      Delete
    21. Aww... I know. It really is very boring. You should probably go do something else I guess. No useful entertainment here.

      Delete
    22. But just for argument sake: What is it I'm doing anonymous?

      Delete
    23. seeking attention and praise basically, by pretending to get off on tying monica into knots

      Delete
    24. By pretending to get off on tying Monica into knots?
      No... I'm not pretending. It really is this much fun. :D

      If you find it boring I'm sure you can find better things to do with your time.

      Delete
    25. Ever think of building yourself up, rather than try to tear other people down ( and doing a piss poor job of it)

      Delete
    26. Not at all. I like things this way just fine. Why should I change if it gets me off, right? Anything else you'd like to lecture me on?

      Delete
    27. If you want to show yourself up, don't let me stop you ~

      Delete
    28. Show myself up? What on earth does that mean? Help me out here, I'm too dense to understand it....

      Delete
  8. M.E.

    Enjoyed your article and thoughts. Yes, there is no pay off
    in "being rigid."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Eden
    You are a dense, fucking person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to live with that.
      So what did you think of Piles' description of me? I thought it was lovely. She is a talented writer as well as artist. She's also very attractive. A triple threat kind of girl.

      Delete
    2. do you have any kind of a life outside the internet eden?

      Delete
    3. No. I really don't anon. Pretty fucking sad, yeah? Oh well... just another one of those things I'll have to live with.

      Delete
    4. She is a bored hairdressr dealing with crotchety old people and her needy, runny nose children.

      Delete
    5. with no sense of humour hehe.

      Delete
    6. No sense of humor is the fucking truth.

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    7. jealous of everyone

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    8. So true. All of it. I'm so glad I have this place or I would have nothing.

      So Monica. Are you going to answer my question?

      Delete
  10. Where the fuck is Medusa and Themes when you need them?

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  11. On topic. . .

    Here we cannot interrupt people.

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    Replies
    1. A thought on that... while we cannot interrupt each other physically, we can interrupt the flow of the conversation. In one sense I'm doing that now as an aside to the main thread in response to you. I think that to the extent that the "aside" is germane to the thread so is it that much less an interruption of the conversation.

      Diatribes against one or more individuals, to my way of thinking, constitute major (even if amusing) interruptions to the conversation. Much like dealing with squabbling children when the adults are trying to talk.

      Delete
    2. I disagree with Anon 9:08 on the grounds that anon 8:48 interrupted the flow of the conversation and Anon 9:08 then again interrupted anon 8:48. The first was not necessarily a power play but the second was clearly an attempt to ignore and redirect the conversation away from the statement by anon 8:48.

      Delete
    3. CEO SociopathworldJuly 5, 2012 at 9:19 AM

      Good call 6:54.

      ME and I have been discussing this all last night.

      New Rules:

      Interruptions shall be permitted ONLY when one hits the new comment button. Changes of topics, whether "on topic" or not (9:08, we'll be watching you) will be ignored otherwise. Rule breakers will be shamed by management.

      * WE EXPECT ALL POSTERS TO TAKE OUR LEAD *

      Dissenters will be banned from the comment section, identities stripped, anons outed, etc, etc.

      Delete
  12. In all of the 12 Step meetings I go to, virtually the only rule is "No Interrupting." The idea behind it is that interrupting creates an unsafe environment -- it diminishes the dealings, pain, message, etc of the one interrupted who is showing vulnerability.

    My experience in the rest of my life is that refusing the interruption ("I'm not finished" or words to that effect along with a physical action -- usually a raised hand), is taken as a sign of strength by the would-be interrupter who then usually retreats. This is particularly so in my professional life. I never use something humorous to refuse the interruption because my experience is that this encourages the interrupted to think of him/herself as my equal in the exchange (the need to maintain a power differential).

    My own use of interruption is sparing. I use it only when I need to and even then the strategy varies. Sometimes I will use an impersonal construction (e.g. "That's unacceptable.") which allows the other person to retain some dignity by focusing on the action. At other times I will use something personal (e.g. "You're wrong.") to put the person on the defensive. And still at other times, when I just want to end the conversation I'll use something like, "You're being utterly absurd" and turn and walk away (although I'm seriously considering adopting something along the lines of, "You're a complete muppet").

    In interrupting another, I will use humor but only in front of other people and usually revealing something personal about the other person but in such a way that only s/he knows what is going on so that it constitutes a covert threat. It is very effective.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I wonder who has the longest body count in here ? Any guesses ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i think monica's is double digits

      Delete
    2. Longest body count? Can you explain what that means please?

      Delete
    3. How many people someone has slept with or how many people someone has killed.

      Delete
  14. Blast from the Past
    Multiple Orgasm Series as it fits soo good

    Theme Song for Eden

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Always picking a song to devalue me with, eh Themes?

      Delete
    2. You devalue yourself. A person can only to that to herself, eh Eden?

      Delete
    3. You're so right. So from now on... I'll be picking my own themes. I think this one suites me much better.

      Legs

      Delete
    4. i'll take Eden's theme song.

      now continue...

      Delete
  15. sweet dreams...perfect song

    ReplyDelete
  16. luv the MM version

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i fucking hate manson

      Delete
  17. Someone put up the MM version!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do it yourself!

      Delete
    2. I've been looking for someone for a while. How have you been.

      Delete
  18. I have been well and you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been great. A little busy, trying to get my ducks in a row.

      Delete
  19. "Can I continue" can sometimes be an effective tactic and all's fair in love and war. The person may very well not feel wronged at all, may know that "right" and "wrong" are really just tools used in a power game. As a sociopath I would not hesitate for an instant to use the phrase "can I continue" if I thought it was to my own benefit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. There is always a person at the office which really does a good exceptional work, is always pleasurable along with looking to make sure you, although there could possibly be some others that complete the task although usually are quiet. By natural means, the first is attracted to a person that includes a good style, nevertheless giving an incredibly person further interest, as well as acquiring these people complete special things could lead to animosity.http://www.mordocrosswords.com/2015/07/polite-interruptions.html

    ReplyDelete

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