Sunday, October 27, 2013

Ennui of a puppetmaster

From xkcd:
I was explaining to a friend last night that although part of me likes the fact that she is damaged because her vulnerability gives me a degree of power over her, it is not necessarily something I need to consummate to enjoy. Sometimes, like in physics, potential power can be just as enjoyable as actually exercised power. In the same way that a classic car collector can enjoy cars he never drives or a wine collector enjoys wine he never drinks, sometimes the achievement of some advantage, either known or unknown by the other person, is not a means to an end, but an end in itself.


  1. M.E. said, "sometimes the achievement of some advantage, either known or unknown by the other person, is not a means to an end, but an end in itself."

    As your two previous posts aptly demonstrate.

  2. Always have something in reserve.

  3. I find myself thinking 'you have no idea what I could do to you' whenever someone wrongs me.

  4. Many years ago there was a cartoon character named "Yogi the bear."
    He was billed as being "Smarter then the average bear."
    M.E., you are smarter then the average sociopath.
    The difference between you and other sociopaths, is that your
    intelligence gives you discipline. Many who read your blog and can't
    grasp your ideas might get frustrated and go off on a killing spree.

    1. Oh yes, there will be blood!!

      But...what if they were perfectly normal people before they came to read the blog? Then they got all these ideas in their heads reading about sociopaths... Like all those kids that listened to Marilyn Manson and went on killing sprees.

      It's the blog that made them do it! And here you are praising her. For shame!

  5. What is appealing about perceiving another's vulnerability is that it makes intimacy safer. That way, if they betray you, you can hit them hard and crush them. You always keep the upper hand in a relationship.
    But while keeping the upper hand might be a good way to ward off betrayal, it dilutes the power of love that you might otherwise freely receive. When you obsess about keeping the upper hand, you compel others to treat you well. That's all well and good until you lose the upper hand.
    My ex husband said something telling to me when we divorced- "I knew that if you ever got stronger you would divorce me." He was referring to the fact that he'd done some pretty mean things over the years because he "could", but he thought there would be no consequence because divorce was against our religion.
    When I finally did ask for a divorce he became unglued for a short period of time because he had never experienced not being able to "teach me a lesson" or "put me in my place".

    What is so ironic is that I loved him with all my heart until he started using power plays to control my acts. Love is a better motivator because it keeps relationships intact even when outer circumstances cause a power differential to change.

  6. I find that it's emotional immaturity and fear in people that make them choose power over love. It's not sociopathy -- it's being a coward.

  7. I love you, you know it's true, Mr. "Potatoehead", I love you.

  8. Sometimes, like in physics, potential power can be just as enjoyable as actually exercised power.

    This reminds me of an exchange with a US friend where the use of physics puzzled me. She used physics for physiotherapy, or physical therapy, physics as relating to the body.

    Now I wonder if the above usage relates to physics (natural science), and if power thus stands for "force", physically speaking. Joy would thus express the loving the loving the idea of the power to nuke others? Or if it could stand also for a physically trained body, thus physics relating to the body, ultimately an awareness one could use force if need be. I guess, I miss a sadist strain to associate either of the two options with joy. On the other hand I found training Karate useful.

    Something else I wonder about, maybe our Damaged here can explain what it could possibly mean, if s/he is around:

    part of me likes the fact that she is damaged because her vulnerability gives me a degree of power over her

    someone loving to be the victim always in search of a victimizer? But in this case acting as the victimizer would signal a slight loss of power, since that's exactly what "the victim" demands? The victimizer would become a tool of the victim.

    1. should I delete this. Yes I somewhat liked the combination of love or joy, triggered by "enjoyable", but I guess this is where I was heading, square brackets indicate what should be deleted:

      Joy would thus express [the] loving [the loving] the idea of the power to nuke others?

    2. The damaged one gets it completely. Use victimizers for the rush of power when you squish them like a bug. It is bloodlust, the desire to kill victimizers, so yourselfopractice your thirst for blood on your attacker. Theres your fun factor presented by your willing victimizer.

      Jodi arias
      Aileen wournos

  9. Sometimes, like in physics, potential power can be just as enjoyable as actually exercised power.

    I feel this way towards my students. It's one of the reasons I'm in teaching. The first day of each semester is a wonderful time when I get to look at a face of fresh new faces think 'You are mine. For an hour and a half twice a week, I own you. I can order you around. I can openly mock you. I can make your life a living hell.'

    I always do so with a student or two, just to prove I can. I have the others eating out of my hand by the time the final exam rolls around. Best feeling in the world.

    1. Yes, after a while something about this comment section, which after all is triggered by the blog, feels like a huge Kindergarten. The celebration of power, one cannot imagine real power players need to celebrate, since for them it must be a given.

      Even teachers, maybe Sunday school teachers, ultimately fit in quite comfortably.

      Good bye, everyone.

    2. ::snicker:: ::waves::

  10. I relate so much to what you say at the end, especially in regards to romance- I don't need to be in a relationship with a guy, just the knowledge that he likes me is enough to satisfy. I then keep him around to get what I want out of him, but refuse to date him because I know that I can't return the romantic/sexual feelings.

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