Thursday, October 10, 2013

The all in the family sociopath

A reader writes about his sociopathic family tree and what he believes led to his own sociopathic traits:

As a high functioning, truly, highly intelligent sociopath (well aren't we all) I.... "enjoyed" your book.

I figured out years ago I was a sociopath. I have a brother who is so the definition of "narcissistic personality disorder" his picture should be next to the definition in all books. I personally always classified him as a "psychopath" as opposed to my "sociopath". 

Our early lives we moved every few years. Dad was in the military. My brother and I came from an abusive household. I the black sheep, and he the "good" brother. I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Mom as well. Little brother got his fair share of the latter two as I recall. Dad never broke any bones. Never left bruises where people could see them. His intention, His terror, was part of his Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for us. I could see the overall methodicalness of it even as a young child. Keeping us off balance with random acts of kindness and random (or expected acts) of terror. Molding us into what he wanted us to be at the time. Clarity comes with hindsight, I know now that in many ways I had a good teacher. He was a highly intelligent, highly functional man who worked a Top Secret job for the government. He's gone now, not that he'd have spoken to me about it, but with what I now know, I'm certain he was in that APD spectrum somewhere.

Dad not only taught me the "ways and means" of dealing with the sociopathic tendencies, but the "ways of terror" as well. Mental, emotional, physical, all fair game in our household growing up. I always found the physical violence far to easy (I'm a big guy and can physically dominate most people easily enough) and prefer the mental and emotional manipulations more; more of a challenge. More "fun". Anyone can physically MAKE someone do something (say with a gun if nothing else), but manipulating them into WANTING to do it, far, far more satisfying.

I have really never had much of a chance to actually discuss the intimate details of our "disorder" with another sociopath. All us "APD" people have similarities. A few of the similar SMALL details however, of our (yours and my and perhaps others)"condition", "blew" me away. 

The fake accent. Mine is a non-specific southern accent, "blunted" by many years of living in the Midwest; or so it sounds. Seems to instantly set people at ease. "He's just a good ol' boy." Hearing the consonants roll off your tongue. Funny enough, I used to do the "non-specific European" accent and dropped it for the "non-specific southern" accent, as it was proving to be far more useful and continues to be. I wonder if this is due to our "chameleon" abilities or is there some other underlying mental process that makes us change our speech?

The "sharp tooth". Wow. Such a small detail, but on the mark. Likely due to our "sensation seeking". Had anyone bothered to ask, I could have told them 20+ years ago I was a dopamine junkie. I truly believe we do not produce enough dopamine, which causes us to live our lives constantly searching for some sort of stimulation, so for a brief moment we can have "peace". "Feel"......"Normal"?

There were a few other small details as well that I did not expect. Playing drums and living in bad neighborhoods being two of them. Makes me wonder how much of the "us" we have is really us, not just a response to our expressed genetic heritage. I'd be curious at how many others you've communicated with have similar "accents", "sharp teeth", are good at keeping a beat and live in bad neighborhoods.

I have delved into BDSM for quite a while now. Yes, surprise-surprise, I'm a Dom. Choking, pain, asphyxiation; all can certainly be "fun". Knives are "fun" as well. 

The sexual "deviancy" and attraction to the BDSM world is more common among APD people I've noticed. As well as MANY other mental disorders it seems. A fertile playground. Not without its downside. I've had two stalkers in the last 10 years who didn't take kindly to me just dropping them from my life. Of course what really happened was I decided it was over, and manipulated them into either leaving or stepping over the "line" and doing things there was no coming back from. That cost/benefit analysis can be a bitch sometimes. Mostly for others.

In this day and age of sarcasm and violence, I often just speak the truth now. Just like the person you quoted in your book. People think I'm joking. At worst, I have a slightly "off" or "dark" brand of humor. "What are you thinking?", she asks. "I'm wondering what kind of noises you'd make if I held you down and bit a chunk out of your shapely ass." She laughs. I was telling the truth.

I'm really not sure why I'm writing this email. Certainly curiosity. I have never shared this information with anyone. 

In some way perhaps its comforting to know I'm not alone in my "uniqueness".

38 comments:

  1. Choking is the best part, up to you if you want to finish on the ultimate high.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well doesn't he sound fun ;)

    Except can someone please explain to me why he would go to all that trouble of manipulating the women he doesn't give a fuck about into leaving or stepping over the line.
    Seems like a bit of a bitch move.
    Why not just dump them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. when you make it their decision, you can get out without the drama of being called an asshole for dumping someone. it was their decision, you can say to everyone that you are the injured party. half people will believe you and have sympathy for you. If the record says that you were the "heartbreaker" dumper, you are shunned.

      Delete
    2. Thank you :)
      That makes a lot of sense.

      But...my problem with it is that he's a man. Apparently a big, strong, dominant man.
      If he dumps women, even if he does it in the nastiest way, what's the worst that will happen? He'll get a bad boy reputation that will completely blow his brilliant, sophisticated charmer status?

      Why would he want pity?

      The only men who I think would need to play such a pity card are the weak little bitches, who don't have the balls to look their woman in the face, tell her it's over and deal with the consequences.

      Seems like he was trying to sound like an irresistible master manipulator, but in reality he was just too afraid of these women to deal with them and their rage.

      Delete
    3. "dumping" women in the manner described above is indicative of fear. I wonder what the writer felt was so threatening about the women he felt compelled into manipulating an ending with.
      What is he so scared of?

      Delete
    4. Thanks for repeating what I said you dumb bitch. :)

      Delete
    5. @ Bite Me-
      anytime- I respect intelligent statements and wanted to affirm your conclusions.
      If only you could use your "big boy" words instead of resorting to vulgarity to seem tough, then I could really respect you. ;)

      Delete
    6. Haha!
      Hey Mach.
      Just so you know, "Bite me" 613 is not me. It's just one of the little trolls playing.

      Now...thank you! Your opinion on the matter is appreciated.
      I do tend to swear a lot though. That's not really going to stop :)

      Delete
    7. glad to make your acquaintance, Green Eyes.
      For the record, swearing is not a problem. I happen to enjoy profanity in the right context because it expands our communication options. That being said, I have enough experience with individuals (children) who resort to name calling by using "bad words" to understand that it is an unsophisticated attempt to put someone in their place.
      I enjoy hearing what trolls have to say but am a firm believer in the principle "if you dish it out, you better be prepared to take it".

      Delete
    8. Pleasure is mine.
      You can call me GE if you wish.

      Trolling does bring a bit of colour to this place and can be downright fucking hilarious. I'm a little surprised this one didn't try to rile you up. The quitter!

      As for the "reader" that wrote in, I had the feeling that he was far more narcissistic than sociopathic. So very keen to dazzle us with his brilliance and charm. And he's into a little rough play in the bedroom. How edgy!

      I think he wrote in purely for attention and recognition, not for any advice.
      A little disappointing that he didn't even come to play a little.

      Delete
    9. Bite me: Why would he want pity?

      That sounds slightly strange admittedly. But to look at break ups under the limited perspective of fear versus strength seems a peculiar simplification. Which admittedly feels very much like mirroring ones own emotions and expectations into other people's relationships.

      Bite me: The only men who I think would need to play such a pity card are the weak little bitches, who don't have the balls to look their woman in the face, tell her it's over and deal with the consequences.

      Mach: "dumping" women in the manner described above is indicative of fear.

      Mach, not if you consider context. Both inner and outer context. Which may be on his mind.

      While I am not fond of the line of thought: "I am other", but what could make me appear pretty much "normal": If you feed that into the larger scenario you may be able to grasp why occasionally it may be better or easier for some to cause the other to break up a relationship.

      For instance if a relationship seems to make you "normal" like everyone else around. What if at the same time this relationship does not seem to give you very much to you apart from what you experience as boring routines?

      Maintaining the relationship would help you to appear more normal like anyone else around, in other words. But what if the other person on closer inspection is not really someone you want to stay with? If it turns out you are very different and have very different expectations? You suddenly have to face again your abnormality as perceived from the outside or in your relationship circles: Everyone around you is in or maintains some type of relationship. Concerning your own friends that partly are friends with your partner too by now, isn't it better to make your partner leave. The vast majority of your friends will not maintain a friendship with the person, it was after all her or him that tricked "your friend".

      This is not a matter of weakness or strength this may simply be about some people being able to maintain a relationship even for life although they really don't fit, while others find it very, very hard to live with the boredom of everyday routines. If something is wrong in a relationship the breaking up is easy indeed. There are a lot of other people around. If you do things that suggests you ultimately cannot be trusted in the long run, they will leave on their own. Maybe even immediately find someone to fill the gap. Without much heartbreak on your side, because you ultimately don't "really care" and without much heartbreak for the other side.

      But the outside world will always mirror their own expectations into the scenario, much better to leave then to be left alone. Much better to look, not be, strong than look weak. That's were your own feelings enter a setting in which you are ultimately an outsider. You sense fear.

      Consider, if you would really bother about the person leaving, you may well give them what they need and not do exactly the opposite.

      In my mid-twenties I met a friend of an Irish friend in Dublin. The girl had married a man and obviously was not a little bit happy in the relationship. My friend told me, she married early, since being married was very important for her. Already at the age of 21/22 she was afraid she wouldn't get a man. Really crazy story. But maybe "normal" in the cultural context at the time. My first general impression of Ireland was that wherever you found a huge gathering of cars in the countryside, there was either a pup or a church.

      Delete
    10. pub not pup of course. Anything else you'll notice, you may keep as always.

      Delete
    11. I appreciate your effort and opinion, but I beg to differ on a few points you made.

      Perhaps I am projecting my own view on relationships, strength and weakness.

      But:
      He claims to be a sociopath. He claims to be a strong, highly intelligent, dominant man. He also claims to be highly manipulative.

      Yes, relationships fall apart for a myriad of reasons. Yes, there may be relationships that he maintained for the sake of appearing "normal", while not having any love or even fondness for the woman.

      My point is that a strong, dominant, cunning man will have no need to resort to such time and energy consuming passive aggressive tactics in order to get rid of her.

      If he pushes her to the point that she leaves or crosses that line, she will still tell people about his behaviour that pushed her to those limits. And if people believe her, then he will look like the snivelling, passive aggressive asshole he sounds like.

      I consider it to be far more fitting of a strong, dominant, brilliant man to tell her the truth. Or at least a tastefully edited version thereof.
      End it. Then manipulate some chosen few into thinking that it was her behaviour that drove him to it.

      That he tried hard to make it work, tried to help her even, but in the end he had to look after himself and dump her before she destroyed him....

      The way he went about it told me that he was a coward. I have a lot of contempt for worms like him. Ones who make all those claims and yet the actions betray their weakness.

      He wanted to be acknowledged. He wanted attention.
      I am happy to oblige :)

      Delete
  3. There is no doubt that sociopath's serve their "purpose."
    Unfortunately, for most sociopaths, this purpose has a short
    "shelf life."
    Sociopaths, (Or psychopaths?) are excellent "dirty work" specialists.
    Through out history, they have done the yeoman's work of unpleasent,
    harsh, agressive work: Exploring, Souldering, Cowboying, Law
    enforcing etc...
    While there are female sociopaths, sociopathy is a "male trait."
    There was a movie called "The Misfits." It was the last film of
    Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable. It was about a dying breed of men
    cowboys and rustlers who have no place in modern society.
    That's one of problems sociopaths face. When they are needed-
    in wartime for example-people are only too happy to have them around
    When the crisis passes, they are expected to simpily revert to an
    empath. IF sociopathy is a physical condition, this is NOT a realistic
    wish.
    The chief problem for today's sociopath is that there are no new
    worlds to conquer. Most of the landmasses have been explored,
    there's no "Star Trek" like space program to speak of. There's
    only mercinary work, fire fighting, ambulence driving, adult industry
    work, professional gambling, criminality, and strangely law enforce-
    ment work.
    Low functioning, ill educated sociopaths simpily can't hack 9 to 5.
    So, there was a time they would be sucked up by the military. The
    military was a rite of passage for many young men. Like sports, it
    used to be an almost completely male bastion. Women have "invaded"
    those areas. Now, we just dispense Attention Deficet Disorder pills
    to our male pupils, and hope they "grow' out of it.
    But historically speaking, there will always be a "need" for sociopaths.
    The empath's have always needed sociopathic "gunslingers" to pull
    their chestnuts out of the fire during perilous times, and with the
    U.S. soon to go under, the survival skills of the sociopath will once
    again be in demand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what, the group that surfaced in Sutton's studies among the 10 most frequent professions I found most interesting were: Civil Servants. Interesting for several reasons, which for an American may not be quite as easy to understand.

      If you allow me to add it to your meditations. What line of thoughts would they trigger? Obviously the soldier is the most striking since it conforms most easily with the pop culture perception. Only that the soldier is expected to do all the things that are normally considered evil. What about intelligence and/or military intelligence. It may help to be a good actor in the field and not too emotional.

      Delete
    2. Why do you use line breaks, by the way? So we recognize you?

      Delete
    3. This man is describing wanting to harm other human beings and being incapable of having a mutually loving relationship with others but one that is very potentially harmful to them. He constantly lived on edge with abuse when he was a child and that has affected this man's ability to think and feel properly as he stated he is not all that capable of feeling happy. The decisions that he makes are hostile and aggressive towards others and he doesn't feel guilty about them certainly not enough to quit it probably because he never gets caught. Now he reaches out for others like himself which probably is because he is hoping for vindication- strengths in numbers- others are doing it and so it makes it better somehow. One thing my Darling I would tell him- hurting others is no better than someone harming you at such an early age- its just as horrible, terrible and cruel. Someone probably did it to your parents when they were vulnerable. It can be stopped. I am certain that some people make the choice to not continue to perpertrate wrong doing and to not grow to the point of actually enjoying it because they have come to enjoy seeing others go through what they thenmselves actually have been put through. Perhaps, this man will reconsider and live a much more productive life fro himself and others. On the otherhand, his heart just could be hardened by God or just possessed by angry spirits serving the purpose of teaching others a lesson and helping others on their journey through life. Not everyone chooses and acts Godly and lovingly. Perhaps, people who have become crazy and harmful in some way, can find our Almighty God's forgiveness and be changed into a really warm and loving person. Jesus, the Son of God, came to save us all and he didn't have favorite personality types. St. Paul was constantly killing jewish people until God, Himself, talked to him asking him Why? Why did he slay His people!?? St. paul changed his name from Saul and wrote 1/2 of the new testament. Now that is born again! This man does not talk about his spiritual background growing up so this could explain his lack of conscience and remorse and ability to want to be harmful. Anything went in that man's upbringing except mutual respect. There is a better way sir. Seek it out and you will find your dopaminie.

      Delete
  4. Why are you writing? From the sounds of it, having an early life defined by an authoritarian caregiver likely deprived you of any sense of mirroring- that is, when a caregiver reflects back to the child who they are in a validating fashion.

    Because you seem to be temperamentally similar to your father, you may have experienced his grudging approval when you adopted his methods, but any positive feedback was likely an in the moment experience and entirely dependent on the mood your dad was in. If he was in a shitty mood he probably hit you upside the head for not conforming like your narcissistic brother.

    The last thing someone like you wants is pity, and you will find none from me (especially after your tales of manipulating women- your actions were those of a coward, not a psychopath). But I do think you seem quite intelligent and willful and I find it sad for everyone in your life that you were not recognized for your aptitudes. A child like the one you were has great potential for leadership. Your father's utter self absorption (and your mothers likely complete aquiescence) left you to figure out the world on your own and there was a huge cost in your not having at least one adult advocate for you.

    I am certain you are not writing because you are seeking advice in a "dear Abby" kind of way, but I suspect you would be equally repelled by narcissistic flattery (oh you are such a badass). So I'll just call it like I see it. You hate the man who you ultimately identify as your role model. You have made a life using his methods of control, but in exposing your cowardice, you reveal to the reader your inner distaste for the "dominance" you are so set upon maintaining.

    I think you don't like the part of yourself that acts like your father but really feels clueless about how to build a meaningful life after you have achieved the "power" you so desperately crave. There seems to be a longing for meaning in your need to expose your own mental processes.

    I wonder what's underneath that sociopathic personality structure you've used to negotiate reality. I suspect that the individual you were never allowed to become is beginning to assert himself. Will you have the courage to listen or simply fall back on the tendency to remove all uncertainty by resorting to kneejerk domination?

    Time will tell... good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A card-carrying member of the he-man woman-hater's club. I've never understood it, really. Of course, my own mum left (not through her own volition, she was gravely ill) when I was a babe in arms, so I can't say I have any negative early exposure to women which would cause that! That sort of anger makes a person act very foolishly, doesn't it? Isn't he essentially a slave to that which he detests, as you've so articulately pointed out? I think he's VERY mad at Mummy for not protecting him and his brother from bad old Dad. I don't blame him, I suppose, but you're right again when you point out that he's going about things all wrong.

      I realize I'm stating the obvious, but playing psychiatrist is vastly more fun that being the patient. :D Freddie is a bit more medicated today than usual, so I do hope I've been coherent.

      Delete
    2. Well, you make sense so I guess the medication is working.
      Perhaps you never needed to become a woman hater because you've never felt emasculated by your unknowledged but all encompassing dependencies on them to provide you with emotional equilibrium. (the next step after the "emasculation" is always rage at the unccoperative love object).
      Apparently you learned to self soothe and needn't bother with borderline defenses.

      I agree. I'd rather play shrink than be analyzed any day...

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    4. A card-carrying member of the he-man woman-hater's club

      Hmm? Fred, based on pretty flimsy evidence it feels. Was the Marquis de Sade a socio/psychopath? I have no idea about the SM community beyond literature and Kubrick's last movie admittedly. Personally I don't enjoy either S or M. But there seem to be a lot around. All of them psychopath, I somewhat doubt.

      A woman's hater for not wanting to stay with one specific woman he mentions, and the fact he made her leave on her own?Instead of being honest with her? As if being completely honest isn't more of an ideal than a reality. It also seems to need knowing oneself first and foremost to work. How many really do?

      Mach, all men that do something to women that does not conform with your own standards are bastards and all woman are white as lilies and have to be protected? Really? But if that is so, didn't he protect her somewhat? Make her come out of the relationship as strong, the one that ultimately decided?

      Personally, I wouldn't want to judge that person based on the little bit he tells us.

      What I found interesting are his comments about speech or accent coloring. I moved a lot as a careerist child, and it was an issue in my case at one point, an issue that lasted longer but is not completely gone. I can shift to many dialects over here slightly and it helps, people like it.

      Delete
  5. Typical cannibalistic behavior.

    'Sociopaths' are known to originate from mongoloid cannibalistic swamp tribes which feast upon their own young.

    They've so far managed to blend in with the rest of the population by preying on unsuspecting victims.

    Impregnating hapless victims in a violent, twisted, bloody orgy.
    Planting the corrupted seed which will grow to eventually bring forth this foul breed, their twisted offspring.

    Bursting forth into a Godforsaken world in a series of bloodcurdling wails, stealing all hope from the hearts of its appalled onlookers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooooh, melodrama!!

      I implore you to tell me more about those violent, twisted orgies, good sir.

      Spare no details that I may better recognise the beast that walks among us, feasting upon our tender flesh and defiling our very souls.

      Delete
    2. One would think the prions would have sorted it by now :D

      Delete
    3. :D
      Aah, but 'tis been said of the beast that it mellows with age...
      If only spongiform encephalopathy was also responsible for their wretched laughter upon seeing the suffering of their hapless victims. Then perhaps those sweet violated lambs may rest easier knowing what horrors await the evil doers.

      Delete
    4. Even more disconcerting is how these beasts, having usurped leading positions in societies through the use of guile, and no doubt, violence of the cannibalistic kind, now exercise control over the very minds of an unsuspecting populace.

      They now condition the masses to become docile, helpless, and in some cases, willing recipients of their sadistic, violent tendencies. The absurd notion that there is pleasure to be derived from pain has somehow become commonplace.

      Truly the delusion is complete when the victims willingly participate in the slaughter.

      Delete
    5. I like your humor Green Eyes. Wouldn't it be interesting if we had a special tool on hand to recognize all the dangers out there. Always only the psychopaths. Only a very minor group after all. The rest we can easily trust. ;) Lot's of self-help available, it seems, that feed on this wonderful little illusion.

      Delete
  6. Green Eyes is Wet For Edvard aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha!

      Also: Eeeewwwwww!!!
      Nope, not me.
      I like bad boys, remember? Not hysterical, girly men who like to posture and pretend to be 6'4" fighters online.

      Delete
    2. Is this SW or NW? Someone poke my I out. Or at least choke Me.

      Delete
    3. I'll choke you, given that I can resuscitate, then choke you again and again:)

      Delete
  7. Okay this is ridiculous. I've been a reader for the past year and I've religiously kept up with this blog on a daily basis after being diagnosed with aspd a year ago. And you know what? I'm a drummer in a rock band and live in a very bad area of town. This blew my mind so I felt I needed to share. I mean coincidence, really?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and along those same lines I have always preferred the drummers... wtf?

      Delete
    2. Perhaps you never needed to become a woman hater because you've never felt emasculated by your unknowledged but all encompassing dependencies on them to provide you with emotional equilibrium. (the next step after the "emasculation" is always rage at the unccoperative love object).

      Are men/women who don't experience empathy more likely to be men/women who want to hurt women/men and use their mirroring skills and keen observations to do that? Are they just better at it? How does that fit into the whole predator prey thing?

      Delete
    3. I think that there has to be a trigger to make someone actively hurt women in a way that isn't for control/power. Usually, being a Socio, disdain would play more into it which would make it seem like a direct attack, but that's usually.

      Delete
  8. This sociopath calls himself intelligent, but to debunk his claim I have already depicted his strategy to the bones of the cause. His tactics show that he posted this blog and began to harass the commenters just for his self satisfaction. The moron promotes his point of view several times as a different person and acts like he is a sociopath. To finish this incompatible lesser, I will claim that he is not a sociopath. Instead I will support the debate that he is a spoiled coward. He did not have a military father. Most likely his father was a nice man who helicopter parented his ass emotionally and financially his whole life.Pathological lying is a trait that he is trying to persuade but we all know that a person that would throw floggings around like this advertising false narcissism is preferentially an overfed child. His literacy is another topic. He is quite good at writing which is a given. From this it is easily deducible that he got a decent form of education that requires money. Instead of applying this, we find this bum posting blogs on the internet, throwing facts at people in order to promote the false accusations that build the context of the story. You actually think this guy had a girl friend! The realism is that this guy is probably wearing socks up to his hips and goes by the nickname of Pippy Longstocking. He is trying to compensate for what he doesn't have by fabricating a story out of it. Now be a good boy and do your bed for your mom. Good lad.

    ReplyDelete

Join Amazon Prime - Watch Over 40,000 Movies

.

Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.