Monday, May 19, 2014

How identity changes behavior (part 1)

I thought this conversation with a reader was a good illustration of what effects a sense of identity (or lack of) has on behavior. From a reader:

Thank you for your excellent blog and lovely book. I started reading the blog a few months ago and finished your book a few weeks ago.

Though I've never been diagnosed with any form of disorder I recognise myself in what you're writing. I've always known that I was different but until I started reading your blog I didn't realise how I'm different.

The first time I actually realised the extent of my odd-ness I was 16. There was this girl who went to the same class as me, we were friends growing up and we lived in the same street. When she was 13-14 or so she turned a bit wild and we weren't really friends after that. I just found her nasty and disgusting. When she was 16 she one night took a drug overdose and died and the next day in school we were told about it. I remember everyone being upset and crying except me. The only thing I though about it was that she had done the world a favour - after all she would probably have grown up living on benefits having loads of babies just like her mum and the rest of her family had turned out, so actually it saved us all the inconvenience of having to pay for it via our tax. And I couldn't understand why nobody else though of it like that - I really didn't understand why people seemed upset and kept crying. Later in the evening when my mum got home she asked me about it - and me at that stage not having realised how inappropriate those thoughts were in the eyes of most people - I said it straight out, exactly what I felt. I have never seen my mum reacting that way, although she of course knew I didn't really respond emotionally as most people (such as laughing at the movie Schindlers List aged 13 which made my teacher a bit nervous) she probably had not realised just how cold I actually am. My mum's face went pale and she didn't know what to say, she just stood frozen for a few minutes and then walked away and we have never discussed it again. And that was the moment I realised how different I am different from most people and I started censoring myself more.

Something I've been wondering about is your being Mormon. I've always been very interested in religion - quite randomly since my family is not religious at all. And I've always wished I was religious. I did my degree in Sociology of Religion and did very well - I was offered doing a PhD but after spending 5 years wearing the mask I had to get away and put on a new mask, so I moved abroad instead and now I live in London having a successful job. I therefore know more than most people about the LDS church and I kind of get what you mean that it is quite a sociopathic religion. I wish I could commit to a religion, I would probably choose Christianity (a desperate hope that even a cold hearted sociopath like me would be shown some mercy on the day of judgement?). And even though I can on an intellectual/philosophical level accept that there is a God - I simply can't motivate myself to follow it. Any attempts I have made to believe in God or practise a religion fails as I eventually loose interest in it. I guess it's because I struggle with long-term goals, I just can't motivate myself to do it when I don't see any result after a few weeks/month. I read your blog about how to break goals down to smaller pieces and I found it very useful. Do you think it's possible to do the same with religious goals? And in that case how? Because ultimately the rewards for religions is something beyond here and now, and even beyond this life. Would be very keen to know your thoughts.

My response: Interesting question. I have the added benefit of religion being pushed upon me by my family and little religious community, so that does make it easier. Maybe it would be best to start with what you believe. I know that is often hard for us to dig into, but I think that we (like everyone else) have beliefs that we aren't really aware of. Take for instance, some little thing that annoys you. Do this right after it happens. Mark a piece of paper with four columns. In the first, describe the situation. In the second, write the most irrational thought that you had as a result of this situation (e.g., this person doesn't deserve to live or I'm the best). Identify whether this belief seems to be related your conception of your own identity, your role in life (or your beliefs about the purpose of life), or your sense of individuality (not typical with sociopaths). In the third column, write down any personal conclusions, e.g. the other thoughts you had that weren't irrational. In the last, write down your reactions for these three categories: emotional, physical, mental, if any. Don't do this more than a couple of times per week. I think you will discover some beliefs that you didn't realize you had.  

30 comments:

  1. "-Dear hidden commentator, if my teenage angst happen to be psychopathy, should I then become a church member?" Thanks for your letter, let me say this: if the latter condition seems to be true prepare for a life filled with cynic clearsighted enlightenment where daft fairytales spun by others matters little. Look at your sun/moon zodiac combination instead; this is useful stuff, almost as if one has found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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  2. Try to believe in the law of cause and effect, though with
    each passing year it becomes more and more difficult as
    society becomes more "sociopathic."
    It used to be that fear of punishment was enough to keep
    people in check. Bill Clinton was the first president we had that
    was openly disfuncational and socopathic and allowed to get
    away with blatent evil. With his obvious and unpunished
    criminality, character became UNCOUPLED from destiny.
    As this society becomes more naracistic and coarse due to
    Media/Acidema/ and politics (Political correctness) and LIES, LIES,
    LIES, look for the quality of life to further decrease.
    For a vision of this country's future google South Africa and see
    the quality of life the enjoy there.

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  3. Why is it that every autistic person who reads M.E.'s book comes away from it thinking they're a sociopath?

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    1. Because lack of emotional processing is an overlapping trait. However in that case it is more of a lack of understanding them and relating them to situations than not feeling them that much. Both "don't quite get emotions", but where in sociopaths emotional potency and duration is significantly reduced (lack does not equal devoid) people with aspergers still have it with potency and duration. For sociopaths the lack of potency and duration means that most of the time there isn't sufficient internal stimuli for a genuine emotional response, which leads to a lack of understanding emotional situations at times (though not all, since situational awareness of what is happening to others can allow for false emotional responses). With Aspergers, the lack of recognizing external emotional stimuli does not trigger an emotional response (which can also apply to sociopaths).

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    2. This is not even autism, a spoilt, self-entitled brat jealous of the 15 minutes some poor unfortunate girl finally gets in death. Did anyone ever attend a class that did not include an attention-whore that would laugh during the movie? Does this person honestly think, all these years later, that the teacher had not seen it all before? I can imagine this person telling these same two stories at every opportunity, it must get tedious by the second trip to the DVD store.

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  4. Maybe adopting a particular religion is mostly valuable because it gives one a fixed standard by which to monitor their behavior. Having that standard (whether or not you go to the effort of making columns and filling them out) provides you with a sort of north star so you can track your progress (or distance from) in achieving your life aims. It's not the religion (necessarily) that is the saving grace. Rather it is the habit of self reflection against standards that are unchangeable and perhaps adjusting behavior accordingly.

    True sociopaths (as opposed to narcissists who have adopted sociopathic patterns of behavior) are not interested in what other people think. The only external force that can influence their life trajectory is someone or some philosophy they have chosen to let in. And even so- the religion/philosophy will only be adhered to to the extent it is proving useful. Once it no longer serves the sociopath's intentions, it is likely to only be resurrected as a useful part of a mask for the next con. My hunch is- whenever the religion gives the message "deny thyself" or "submit" the sociopath begins to disengage from it.

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    1. Religion also can provide accepted excuses for certain behavior, and it provides doubt to those looking in as to the existence of sociopathy (due to association and potential altruistic reputation). I can't be bothered to adopt one, since I live in a secular region and don't need one, but I can see where it is useful in places that are more heavily religious. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

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    2. Religions provide belonging. As humans are a generally social animal, that provides all the benefits of group ownership: support, identity, strength in numbers, the whole bit. You could argue that any club or organisation to which someone belongs fulfils that need, and they do, but religion also has a little magic to it, a little oomph, covering topics such as the afterlife and divine grace, which are both unverifiable and compelling. They're also useful as power structures, which is necessary for a group to function well, and made all the more effective in that they are hard to challenge - and of course attempts to prove/disprove makes the whole thing a little less tickety-boo, and frowned upon. People who are good with power might do well heading up such an entity. People who prefer safety in numbers and to leave big decisions to others would tend to be happier in the ranks. It depends what you want to achieve. They serve a sound evolutionary purpose though perhaps are not for everybody, and are open to abuse.
      CC

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  5. Religion could be seen as archaic cybernetic. It is a useful game. Instead of interacting with reality, an artificial system is created and minds can be trained with it`s delusional feedback. Believing in it`s fallacies is pointless though, as the gathered information is not representative of reality but rather serve the purpose of stimulating the mind.

    Since religion is information, everbody can relate to it, just as anyone can relate to disney movies or a science book. By identifying and understanding this relation, it is easy to discern weak minded fools, followers and potential rivals. The press is a good example of a thriving cybernetic system. The reader is influenced by the printed material, then he affect the world according to his heuristic judgment, then the press acknowledge the new events and present them as information again, an infinite loop of feedback. This compulsive madness serves a need, but in some cases it becomes pathological. The participant comes to believe he can ``create`` or ``reach`` a particular state of being simply by interacting with his illusory system.

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    1. If you have studied mythology, you would learn that religion (and its associated beliefs) stems back thousands of years, where things in nature and people (both mundane and extraordinary) did not have scientific explanations. To provide an explanation for these things, human ancestors created stories to try to make sense of what was happening around them. They did not know why or how it was happening, and with these things happening beyond their understanding and control, their focus was on "who" was doing it.

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    2. i was gonna post a lengty reply but mr green man came knocking at the door and now i really dont give a shit... anxiolytic but psychogenic i just cant think straight now. heres one funny story about me: When I was a homeless hitchhiker a girl promessed to give me food if I went to church with her. I went there and received the holy spirit from everyone(they were all crazy or retarded). So you dont need science to accumulate data in your brain. Its always just a delusion you see. They were the best social service I ever had, and most of them struggled to look the least bit awakened. You cant deny the power of the fool. I dont need to study mythology, I am mythology. How can you be so sure what were the stories they told, you werent even there? Ever heard of spoken lore and the disappearance of ancient knowledge.

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    3. You are referring to 'The Golden Bough' and the various subsequent works by other authors expanding on Frazier's ideas, right? 13 volumes explaining how we have been telling the same stories for millennia, and people still managed to turn it into another religion.

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    4. Actually I was thinking of Homer and Hesiod, but that being said Frazer does nail it in the proverbial head.

      And by the way, we know about the mythology because of the large number of stories written in paper and stone. And that does not count oral accountings as well.

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  6. I am a Born Again Christian and so have to weigh in here. You are not too bad for God, nor is anyone. Just wanted to say that and I admire and respect your honesty

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    1. hey you...
      xoxo

      ditto to your comment

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    2. Hi Mach :D

      How have you been? How are your children?

      xoxoxo

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    3. pretty awesome. today's drama- musical theatre obsessed child talks younger brother into auditioning with her. He gets called back, she doesn't. So many feelings it would probably cause SW to short circuit.

      Where have you been? I miss you here!

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    4. I have been slowly finding peace. I miss everyone here. I tear up when I write think about Medusa, Eden,Richie,Kaney and all the people I had love/hate relationships with. I was really blessed by this crazy place. Are any of the regulars still around?

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    5. those names don't show up regularly. I see superchick, melissa, dr ginger, bob, erik anderson, among quite a few others. I miss UKan. Also Themes- such a funny counterpoint to this alternate reality...part if me wonders if the old regulars simply show up to play as anonymous.

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  7. For Mach

    Love, Themes

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wqO4KcJAVE

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  8. I think I am a Machiavellian empath.

    Dear Mr or Mrs "machavellianempath"
    Please keep your eye out for my posts. Reach out to me if you would like to chat.

    ReplyDelete

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  14. Great article! It was really interesting to read. Thank you for sharing this information! Sociopath is quite an interesting phenomenon. Perhaps, they are not different, there might be a sociopath in every person.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I suppose that there is quite a considerable number of people who have this or that psychological disorder due to a number of reasons. writing help

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