Thursday, October 23, 2014

Informed consent

From a reader:

An old friend of mine and I are talking.  She too is in the legal profession, is brilliant, and scored really high on the psychopathic deviate portion of the MMPI.

She is full of crap in a pleasant kind of way, doesn't seem to have any vices that I cannot tolerate.  We knew each other 20 years ago and just started talking.  We had a wonderful weekend a while back and spend lots of time in the evenings talking or typing via social media and/or text.

She, like me, has been with people who have in one way or another been abusive.  She says that through a year of therapy, she and therapist have deconstructed her old construct for dealing with things.  At times, when I ask her how she feels about us, she says she has no access to the information.

She is very honest it seems and given me detached advice, detachment being a forte of hers, lol.  ("First: Run. Like hell. The cons are this broad is WAY to fucked up in the head to make the pros worth dealing with. If, however, you choose to ignore THAT bit of advice... Second: be patient. You are dealing with a very damaged individual who has deep-seated trust issues as well as a host of other psychological problems. If you really are foolhardy enough to want to venture into something more than a really fun friendship (which is a *really* bad idea, it will likely do more harm to you than you *ever* thought possible), you are going to have to move very slowly and carefully.")

When I mention her emotional state, she reacts like a turtle and withdraws.  If she is affectionate and I act like I do not notice it, it's ok because I am not calling her attention to it being vulnerable.  

She is trying to talk me out of being with her and seems to think that I will end up being hurt.  I think things might be workable.  We live four hours away, with her near my hometown where I go see my parents.  I don't necessarily think that choosing a partner based on logic rather than emotion is a bad thing.  In fact, our "hearts" often get us in trouble.  She seems to be a good, practical fit for me if we can work around this.  And I her.

I have questions:
1) When she says she is wary about letting me too far into her head ( "I have been straightforward about what a mess I am, and about the fact I don't believe any decent human being deserves to have to deal with my shit. I'm willing to try anything once or a few times, but I honestly believe I'm too damaged to be functional in any kind of healthy relationship and that mere exposure to the full scope of the mess in my head is enough to damage a decent person far beyond what I find acceptable. Like I said - I like you. You're a great guy. Which is exactly why I don't want to let you too far in"), what does she mean?  She is less hateful than my ex-wife, who was Jezebel reincarnate.  What is inside there, and how can I handle/manage/deal with  it?  If I can?

2) Does this seem viable enough for us to take things slowly?  We have no choice.  She is an attorney, I teach college English, and we live a little ways away.  

3) She is determined not to show "vulnerability" by acting as if she cares for me.  When I pin her on it, she says things like "i won't admit to it, but the fact that I was whining when you needed to get off the phone ought to tell you something."  Facta non verba here, correct?

4) Any other advice you might have?  I would like things to work, but I don't want to feel used either. 

"I read this recently on your blog as posted by another reader: 'With other sociopaths, I believe there is fear of rejection, inability to respond emotionally and the ever-present wall so many of us have built. We get sick of being rejected, of being labeled, judged or 'fixed.' When someone gets past the wall of a sociopath, they will typically find a deep pool of human emotions they didn't expect. These emotions are shown to few and are always followed by efforts to re-establish comfortable emotional distance. If you're not a sociopath and you had the opportunity to 'swim in the pool,' feel privileged, as few do. We're lonely, misunderstood people.' 

A friend of mine who is sociopathic claims to protect me by 'not letting me too far inside.'  What may be in there, and why the reluctance?"

Thanks for your knowledge and all you do.  Respects!  

And since I'm like 11 months behind in replying to emails, upon asking for a quick follow up on what had happened in the last year, the reader continued:

She ended up just cutting off contact. And marrying a man who was a lot like me, yet obviously dumb and easy to control.  I bet he doesnt know about her psychopathy, though he will find out about this eventually, I am sure.  Then again, there are people who are ok with this.

I ended up going on antidepressants but then realized that plenty of people have selfish motives and veil them,which may be even more dishonest.  Like some of you typed, it's kind of like surviving cancer, being let in that far.  But I don't regret the experience at all.  Big insight into human nature . . .

She did have integrity and did give me the chance to have informed consent, which she did not have to do.  Why do you think she even bothered with this?? Maybe she liked me enough to not let me in too far, or maybe because I was/am intelligent, I wouldn't be easy enough or fun enough to try to dupe.

I have learned from this: being raised by motorcycle clubs since I was 16, I am very loyal though I myself have sociopathic leanings in the eyes of the dominant culture due to this.  I put my people first.  I have learned that channeling this woman appropriately and thinking about how somebody like her might handle a situation allows me to detach enough to think critically and oftentimes give the people I work around what they want without hurting anybody *or* coming on too strong with it, which she does sometimes.

I am Wiccan and am joining the Freemasons, so these things provide me with a good background to not feel bad about getting what I want while still providing an injunction against deliberately screwing other people over.

The experience freaked me out, but it taught me a lot too.

Any commentary would be appreciated.

My response: The idea of informed consent is interesting, I find myself doing it with people that I sort of respect -- they're not the average sheep, but someone whom I could honestly see myself having uncommon meetings of the minds with. I sort of write about it here.

She reminds be a little bit of the Violet character from True Blood, if you've seen it.


  1. Don't expect anything from this person and don't enter into a state of
    dependancy on them, in short, don't give your heart.
    We live in a "disposible" society. We cast off unpleasent things-IF WE CAN.
    This is one of the reasons that quality of life is diminishing.
    Forewarned is forearmed. That's why one you know what you're dealing with, you
    can have fun and enjoy it while it lasts. When it ends, as it must, you won't be
    broken hearted.
    One year ago yesterday, a beautiful much loved school teacher named Colleen
    Ritzer had NO IDEAL what she was dealing with. A simple trip to a High School
    bathroom shouldn't have cost her her life. If she had KNOWN what awaited her
    at work that day, no amount of persuation would have forced her to come to work. You KNOW who you are dealing with, so you can make use of that

  2. How can you kindly tell a guy who is an interesting chat that he is no more than that for you?

    A practical lawyer female and a drama-king English teacher male would only make a couple if he looked good and had inherited some money. Between the lines he comes across as 'weak.' She needed a stronger man. WIsh he told us what kind of guy she married.

    1. He did....he said he is stupid and easy to control...god this guy sounds like a total nutter.

  3. Back when it was still considered sensible and permissible to enjoy tobacco, victims of smokers (and their second-hand fumes) would mutter, “Too bad that lung cancer takes so long to develop.” When Uncle Ed or Aunt Bertha (or in my true case, Brother-in-law Lonnie) eventually did develop lung cancer (or in Lonnie's case, emphysema), all the empathic fools rushed to care for the victim and say how much they loved them.

    A week ago my wife's sister called and informed her that 74-year-old Lonnie had wandered out in the Utah night without his oxygen tank. Eventually he was found dead by the side of the road. If it walks like suicide, if it wheezes like suicide, it's probably appropriately cleaning up the mess of his life, is it not?

    I knew none of this when my wife, with a smile of delight, took the call from her sister in the California desert. I knew none of this when my wife exclaimed, “Oh, no!” I knew none of this when my wife wept for about two or three minutes. I knew none of this when my wife then went back to her usual activities.

    When my wife explained the circumstances, I thought, “When I die (likely though not certain to happen first, unless we kill each other in a fit of rage or a mutual suicide), My wife will weep for me for no more than five minutes, and then she will give herself a little shake, and go about her business. I think that's perfectly appropriate.”

    If you don't think this comment has anything to do with today's post, you are perfectly correct. However, if you choose to smoke, or if you choose to relationship with a 'path, the wheels of justice (and empiricism) grind very slow and they grind you into exceedingly fine compost.

  4. If someone tells you that it's a bad idea to enter into a relationship with them, listen. Her cutting off contact was an act of mercy. As far as her honesty constituting informed consent, consider the possibility that she understands you well enough to know that you can't handle the truth about her. You never had the chance to consent, because you made it clear that she kept you from being informed. Curiosity kills cats and shatters psyches, so be grateful that you escaped with your mind in one piece.

    1. Anony 1,000,001: you may have a future as the Emily Post, or perhaps "Miss Manners," of SW. Even we paths should display "good breeding," even if we are a very bad breed indeed.

    2. lol rad you crack me up. Glad ur here.

    3. Anony: Are you just glad to see me? Or are you measuring me for a coffin. I am easy to find. One of the large islands near Seattle. Protected by four senile and dull-beaked attack hens and a large, sinister, barred owl who wants to rip my flesh before you do.

    4. Very well, I will play this role.

    5. First, we will require a DNA sample to authenticate your legitimacy. Second, to celebrate our upcoming (in a year) 50the wedding anniversary, my wife and I (well, she doesn't know about it, but no matter) plan to divorce and remarry in a more suitable location. We were married in a Unitarian church because her mother (a drunken bitch but don't tell my wife I revealed this because my wife is not a drunk) wanted a church wedding to make up for her guilt for fucking around before she (mother in law) was married to one of the LIttle Rascals. (This is true. My wife comes from a Hollywood Babylon family rife with seam and scandal, though my wife is as pure as the driven snow). So we were married in a Unitarian church to placate bitchy mom.

      So the plan now for 50 years is A) get divorced; and B) get married in a better location and ceremony. My plan now is to get AE, my ten-year old granddaughter (whose mommies were not so long ago married by a lesbian judge now on the Washington Supreme Court) divorce us and then marry us. I and open to your suggestions for place and ceremony.

      At the moment, I lean forward to getting married in the local Sheriff's Precinct Station. At the close of the ceremony, instead of rings, we will place handcuff and shackles on each other. AE can pronounce us "captive and captive, sentenced to life."

      Oh, yeah, Emily. Were you frigid? What was that all about with your husband and the chorus girls and all that at the divorce in 1905? Somebody sounds awful pathy to me.

    6. I will not speak ill of the dead, and neither will I pry into your private affairs. You, however, appear to be very much alive.

      Are you addled? Can you recall the last time you were coherent?

    7. Dear Emily,

      RA is a narc. You are his present supply. So am I as I write this.

    8. Oh goody, like a rush of hot blood to fill his ego-boner, we rise together! With the aid of some Viagra, I imagine.

  5. Did she actually say she was diagnosed with ASPD/sociopathy? Because borderlines score high on the psychopathic deviate scale too.

  6. I'm open with the women I date longer term about my psychopathy. They women work in fields like government or banking where psychopathic people run things. They've dated psychopaths before and had intense positive experiences. In the beginning phases of a relationship, it can be like catnip for them.

    Why do I tell? I don't like lying about unnecessary things. It is easier and more joyful to be honest. And when I shit the bed, which inevitably happens, I claim that it was just me slipping exactly the way that I told them I'd slip.

    I don't tell them to avoid me though. I do tell them I'm probably not good long-term material though, because I've wasted many women's prime years and looking back on it, I regret it a teensy weensy bit.

    This honesty probably costs me sex, but I'm happier as a result (and I generate more goodwill/sympathy), so I figure I've come out ahead.

    1. Interesting what your interpretation of "women's prime years" are. I feel like I'm in my prime now having a doctorate whether people think I can still have babies, and are concerned with my reproductive value, or I make men's dicks tingwy, I could care less.

    2. Dr. G. You completely fooled me. I had no idea you were a cunt. I am completely transparent about being a prick.

    3. aww is wadical jeawous?

    4. Doesn't every prick suffer from egg envy? One of our hens laid an egg today. Then she swallowed a big black beetle, in one swallow. "Deep beak," I call her.

    5. With your pointy end being so blunt, you could hardly be considered a prick, rather a 'thump'.

    6. Dr. G

      "or I make men's dicks tingwy, I could care less." It can be less of a hassle that way sometimes, on the other hand, the one man you happen to be engaged with at the moment, do you really not care whether he can function at that moment or not? Or not take it personally I mean when it happens, which is the guiding light of marital bliss at later ages when it will inevitably happen.

    7. Dr. Scifi,

      haha yes I guess I would consider that :):) At this point, I don't place a lot of importance on relationships, but I may at some point, but it would be based on something entirely different than what we are seeing in mainstream society right now. I hate that we don't talk about the different kinds of sexual relationships, and only seem to focus on one type. It's common to see articles discussing men being attracted to youth and that's "just the way that it is". It does a disservice to men because men are much deeper and more complex than that. If men were only interested in marrying Miley Cyrus, then why are all of these American men married to heavy women over a certain age. They get something out of that relationship. Howcome no one talks about this? Howcome no one talks about women and what they find attractive? Howcome we can't talk about older women who date younger men without abuse and derision? There's a lot more going on than the younger woman, old money bags pairing going on in the world.

    8. I wrote the thing about women's prime years. in terms of looks, a woman is downhill from 16-18, But I guess I meant "prime reproductive years", which would typically mean "now" given their age and rate of decay.

      i am sorry if my words bothered you. women do seem to dislike it when people talk about such things and take it out on the messenger, or perhaps the entire male race.

      In any case, I don't take it personally. i said some things. your conditioning led to you getting upset. it couldn't have gone any other way. Indded, one could say that about a lot of things. :-)

    9. I would actually argue that it is your conditioning. You seem to be judging women for their reproductive value. Once they can't have babies anymore, they are useless. I'm not sure how you can say that about an entire group of people who, at that point, have gained an incredible amount of knowledge, experience in life, are generally respected for their knowledge and experience in the workplace among other areas of life. They often become CEO's at this point. Hilary Clinton may run for president, and very possibly win, but she can't have babies anymore. She would be the president of the most powerful country in the world. To me it looks like women still have a lot of value even when men don't wanna stick their peepees in them anymore. Many become independent and don't have to rely on men. Your perception of women is heavily biased, and you to have no interest in knowing how they are perceiving things. This will be difficult for you living in a feminist era where women have acquired an incredible amount of sociopolitical power.

    10. I didn't intend to imply that women are worthless after they can't reproduce. If that's what you heard and then you got upset, that's unfortunate.

      I meant to describe womens' final reproductive years as "prime years". I meant that in the sense that their value on the dating market drops precipitously as they age because men find women that can't have children less desirable than women that can.

      Being a guy and aware how men view women, when I've dated women that wanted a long term partner and potentially kids, and I haven't explained that I have no intention of giving them what they want, I've later regretted it. So now I'm honest.

      In any case, if I'm just wrong about how things are, why attack me by mocking me? Why not pity me for being deluded? Why not try to educate me?

      And if I'm right, why attack me? If you don't like how the universe is, please don't blame me just because I notice things and describe them with words.

      Of course, you and I only exist because men are the way they are and women are the way they are. If men considered old and infertile women to be attractive, it'd be a completely different universe. We simply wouldn't exist.

    11. Studies show it's typically the women who lose interest in sex with their long term partners before men do. They seem to be more tolerant of routine, aging and how women's bodies change than women are of men.

      It's women typically who do the selecting regarding sex too. It's women who are more often the ones who seek divorce. Look it all up.

      Needless to say the notion of what men or women "are" or how they "are the way they are" is socially constructed and changes as society and the roles of women and men in society changes too.

    12. Anon, this might be difficult to swallow, pardon the double pun

    13. Some men discover that often older women make better lovers than younger women. They know their bodies, they are more comfortable in themselves and more responsive and able to arouse their partner in ways they may not have been able to imagine otherwise. There's also the relief of not worrying about those babies popping out. Less inhibition means more fun.

      Of course the whole notion of women as entitled sexual beings rather than there for the pleasure of men is kind of a new thing.

    14. Whether or not older women are better at oral sex, providing free babysitting of their grandkids and baking cookies, it doesn't change the fact that men aren't attracted to them viscerally the way they are attracted to young fertile women.

      Whether God made it so or evolution, that's how the world is.

      If you guys are getting angry at me for mentioning this, it is because you have a problem with reality and callous but honest people who talk about aspects of reality that you wish were different.

    15. The guy that started OKCupid did some data analysis and found that women like men around their own age and guys, no matter how old they are, like women around 21 the most.

    16. What I am bothered by is the fact that you are completly comfortable ignoring all of the complexities when it comes to sexuality, and you continue to discuss from a male's perspective. With the framework you operate from, how do you explain gays? How do you explain older women are attracted to younger men, and how do you explain younger men who are attracted to older women? How do you explain the sexual relationship between a married couple when neither fit the hollywood mold in regards to physical attractiveness? There must be signifigantly more going on that doesn't get discussed. How do you explain the article I posted that talks about senior citizens being sexually active?

    17. Different people have differing levels of desire for intellectual, emotional, and physical satisfaction in a relationship. If you imagine each of these desires as a scale bar, with everyone having different ideals, you can get any combination of people.

      If you limit yourself to physical attractiveness alone, that primal urge to reproduce, then you are most likely to prefer women around 21. I value intellectual, emotional, and physical maturity, so my tastes do not fit that generalization.

    18. "If you guys are getting angry at me for mentioning this, it is because you have a problem with reality and callous but honest people who talk about aspects of reality that you wish were different."

      ppl who disagree with you are getting angry and you know the reason why. Congratulations!

    19. This is the callous sexist pig again, responding.

      "What I am bothered by is the fact that you are completly comfortable ignoring all of the complexities when it comes to sexuality, and you continue to discuss from a male's perspective."

      I was talking about my choices. I'm dating a woman that wants a long-term guy and perhaps kids. I know I don't want that. I know that if I string her along, she is less likely to get what she wants. So I tell her to move along. That's me forgoing what I want (sex) and doing something that makes her sad - because I want her to be happy.

      "With the framework you operate from, how do you explain gays? How do you explain older women are attracted to younger men, and how do you explain younger men who are attracted to older women? How do you explain the sexual relationship between a married couple when neither fit the hollywood mold in regards to physical attractiveness? There must be signifigantly more going on that doesn't get discussed."

      When it is me and a woman, I just focus on what my happiness and her happiness. I don't bother with all that other stuff. I'm just trying to make a moral choice and live my life so that I feel good. I'm psychopathically focused on optimizing our well-being.

      "How do you explain the article I posted that talks about senior citizens being sexually active?"

      Old people like to orgasm. So what?

    20. "Old people like to orgasm. So what?" but I thought you said men are only sexually attracted to women who can have babies?

    21. "Whether or not older women are better at oral sex, providing free babysitting of their grandkids and baking cookies, it doesn't change the fact that men aren't attracted to them viscerally the way they are attracted to young fertile women."

      You are generalizing from your experience of 'visceral' attraction to all men. Can you consider the possibility that your experience doesn't apply to all men? Also, trivializing being a better lover by giving better oral sex suggests that we have quite different notions about sexual intimacy and the possibities for experience there.

  7. RA: You could get married on the Dome above Dawson City. Nice view and Yukoners are a fun bunch. They won't even shoot you for talking crazy, because they're also crazy, albeit not in the same vein as you. Intelligent outsiders are always welcome and they'll be happy to throw you a little party, complete with moose steak and caribou ribs. If either your wife or you decide at the last minute that getting remarried is a bad idea, all you have to do is stumble into them and off the cliff they go.


  8. Hi Dr. Ginger, Glad you're still with us.

    "Howcome we can't talk about older women who date younger men without abuse and derision?"

    I've gotten tons of abuse for dating younger men over the years, from friends, family, you name it. Even being 60 and the guy is 40 I still hear grief. I wonder why people care so much what consenting adults do, however they may wish express their sexuality. It's baffling. But I don't let it bother me anymore -- having too much fun.


    1. I am with you June - I've never really understood why anyone should be concerned with who is sleeping with who (consent and all). I've dated all sorts and viva la difference! 8)~

      So long at it's no one in my family, I really don't care -

      @ANON: "...a woman is downhill from 16-18..." I'm not sure I can even come close to agreeing. More fecund, yes, but, "better looking," I don't know about that - many women learn a lot about presentation and seduction.

  9. Hi Dr. SF, I know a lot of women who don't care whether or not a guy can always function. Especially older women. We don't take it personally, and are versed in other ways to enjoy the company of the man we love. Sexual intercourse is great but certainly not the only meal on the menu.


    1. June, I like you :):)

    2. This is senile RA without his password. Days hardly go by without forgetting my aliaiaia. (Is that plural for alias? Sounds like someone having an epileptic fit. I had a close friend who was multiple personality disorder and transgender. Danger of Internet relationships. I thought Joan was David until three days before we went out to dinner. Joan told me that mpd is really Dissociative Identity Disorder. “selves” are now known as “alters.”
      When I met Joan / David she was much prettier in person than her Internet picture indicated. Joan is now fully integrated and supremely intelligent and talented. She told me at her max she had nine separate “alters”; I guess keeping track of them as the equivalent of getting nine degrees at Princeton. She had been kicked out of Oberlin for being stalked and threatened by a “real” (genitalia-wise) man; Oberlin being one of the most “PC” colleges in America, they refused to protect her against a dangerous lunatic, who perhaps may be reading this even as post. If you are the Oberlin / stalker of a transgender DID person, and in the neighborhood, there is a very large lake not that far away; you know what to do with yourself. Please staple a waterproofed note absolving “Radical Agnostic” for your suicide by drowning self-punishment. With her brilliantly integrated whole, David / Joan may now be secretly running the country and Barak is dancing like a puppet as she pulls the strings.

      My point is – I have no point. However, it must be a real trip to date a person with two genders and nine alters. Probably less boredom than experienced by a Mormon with forty spouses, and no square laws violated.
      I woke up this morning and thought, “I am bored with wearing my “THANK GOD I’M AN ATHEIST” shirt to the gym. Today, I would prefer for my shirt to say, “TOO MUCH EMPATHY AND ALTRUISM GOING ON.”
      I am going to create and postal mail to my granddaughter with two Mommies in Seattle (now married) and two daddies in Chicago (still playing the field) asking her to start working on the divorce/wedding for my wife and I in a year.
      “Dear AE,” I will say. “I postal mailed this RFP to you using a Janice Joplin stamp. When you were four, the postal service, desperate for cash, let me use stamps with your own photo on it. You are a very bright little girl, you can probably spell narcissism now, and unlikely to suffer from it.

      As you get older, you may not marry. You may marry a boy like grandma did [marry me] or you may marry a girl, like your Mommies did. Or both at the same time. You love cats and dogs. I don’t know if you know what “tacky” means (my vocabulary is primeval) but marrying cats and dogs (or giraffes as the Locusta ancient urban legend asserted} is not well received in polite society.

      In any case, in a year, Grandma and I will get divorced and then marry again. As a very intelligent, talented, and appropriately for ten years old attractive tall young lady, I wish to put you in charge of the proceedings and declare us divorced and married in the power granted to you by . . .

      Who grants you the power, anyway? A.E. here’s a book called ATLAS SHIRKED. I assign this to you as homework until our 50th anniversary. I know it’s boring. Listen you spoiled lesbians’ brat, time for you to deal with the real world before you enroll at the University of Helsinki.

  10. Dr. G, Right back at you. :) So glad you're here to help us manage RA's breakdown.

  11. Forgot to sign the Anon. June

  12. Do you have restraints and padded jackets? Do you have a regular arsenal of pharmaceuticals, both legal and illegal? Anybody proficient with hypnotism and brainwashing? Equipment and wiring for electroshock treatment? And so on.

    Believe me, I am the retarded member of a very intelligent and talented family. A Pulitzer Prize / MacArthur Genius Award composer. A Taiwanese Jewish Christian millionaire, co-founder of Graco with a library named after her in Taipei. A lead guitarist for a national champion contender for the almost champion rock and roll band of Senegal who hates rock and roll. A narcissist sister who talks to Jesus (who does what she tells Him). A bright brother who is psychotically depressed, bi-polar, AND schizophrenic; regularly picked up by the cops in Springfield, MO, who ask (as they observe him talking to himself and replying) Off your meds again, Joel?"

    It goes uphill and downhill from there. So even though I am the dumbest and most normal of the herd, when I go, I will really go. It will be mistaken for a super volcano at Yellowstone or another asteroid striking Russia. Remember as your world dissolves in chaos, pain, and terror, you read it here first. It is entirely your fault the world was not saved. --RA

  13. RA: You sound perfectly normal here on socioworld. While I have been known to hypnotize others, in your case that would be a shame. Your lucid ravings do provide certain cognitive zigzags that for some reason I enjoy.

    Hang in there. Uncle Bob (now deceased) from mile 18 on the Dempster Highway used to joke, If you want to live fuck the rutting moose when your gun jams. Sometimes there's no other choice but perform as best you can.


  14. I just got home from the gym. I am in close to toxic shock from all the empathy. As I put in my 30 minutes of cardio (not guaranteed to prevent stroke but it's better than buying a lottery ticket so I can drop dead when I win a million dollars (which sort of happened to Cousin Joanna when she became a millionaire on Taiwan and then started to dedicate herself to good works and died from breast cancer and medical quackery (an endemic curse like Frankenstein in my family). Anyway, on the CNN Channel (our gym runs CNN for the gloom and snarl addicts such as me (as close as they dare get to to the 24-hour sociopath network channel on cable somewhere but you have to know the secret password/handshake/bribe) the local Puget Sound cheery empath news (Dr. Phil is as gross as they dare get; Ellen is more the main vibe) and lots of sports, with hardly a concussion or bean ball to be seen.

    So on local news comes up a little girl dying of brain cancer. She loves play doh (which her brain evidently has become) and she challenged to community to donate six billion pink squares of play doh or something. I came close to toppling off the treadmill as my empathy glands flooded my system.

    I got to the super (and super friendly) market to get a hit of junk food before I go home to the boring, wholesome and virtuous dinner my wife prepares. I walked by a stand of gloves. (Everybody on our island is gardening and building and serving and caring 26 hours a day, and everybody owns at eleventy seven pairs of gloves, none of which match any others, so stands of gloves are guaranteed to sell like cheap whiskey at an A.A. meeting. So the glove stand says, "Desert gloves." I ask. On a Puget Sound island as the monsoons pour in? This has nothing to do with empathy. It's just stupidity, Never in short supply. Just as "Group O" (or so the Red Cross tells me) is usable by anybody, the stupidity in my nervous system can be donated to anyone. You can be garden variety moron joke stupid; Islamic terrorist stupid, 1% billionaire stupid, drunk driver stupid, nigger joke stupid, honky joke stupid, pit bull rabid bat stupid. My nervous system can donate a stupidity transfusion to anyone in danger of showing the slightest degree of intelligence and common sense. Trust me on this.

  15. The moth perhaps knows the flame will eventually kill it, but is drawn to it's light nonetheless. Being in the light is evidently worth the price.

  16. Honestly, if she really is a sociopath, then my best guess is she wasn't interested in you to begin with (at least not seriously). Rather, she wanted to amuse herself with you briefly, get you to believe she felt something, appear mysterious, and then be on her way because she was never really interested anyway. She probably loves the idea that you're yearning over her, which you can never have.

    I could be totally wrong, though.

    You know, what this reminds me of is a woman I met in August. Neither of us is a sociopath, but her mind is really fucked up from my perspective. Then again, so is mine. I liked her because we were similar in many ways, both good and bad. I felt so intrigued, she seemed both deeply familiar and yet mysterious in an unusual way: I wanted to know just how similar and different we were because of all the known commonalities. But once I got to know her just a little beyond meeting her at a conference... well... I soon began to feel differently. Reading her blog was like walking into a swamp. It was so uncomfortable, and I immediately lost interest in her. But face-to-face she is so lovely, even if her insecurities started to become apparent fairly early on. I mostly adored her in person.... but when I read her blog I realized she's just like a slightly less eloquent, less intelligent, and less insightful version of me. And I wanted no part of it. I mean, she even said things to me like, "I'm afraid to get involved with women because I don't want to hurt their feelings... I've already hurt so many men's feelings and had so many fucked up relationships with men that I'm used to it and it's okay." I knew from almost the moment I met her that we were a terrible match based on sharing certain similarities, but I still pursued it... I had to see inside her mind for myself in order for the reality to actually hit me that yes, we are a terrible match... thankfully it did not take long.

    You are similarly intrigued by this woman. It might seem incomprehensible because she is so nice on the surface... but inside she was probably having some dark, horrible thoughts about you already. That was pretty much the case with my story.


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