Friday, October 10, 2014

Body

From "The Last Nude" by Avery Ellis, via "The Best Bisexual Women's Literature":

Ever since my sixteenth birthday, my body had felt like a coin in an unfamiliar currency: small, shiny, and heavy, obviously of value to somebody, but not to me… My body felt coincidental to me—I could just as easily be a tree, a stone, a gust of wind. For so long, I still felt like the ten-year-old me, skinny as a last wafer of soap, needling through Washington Square on her way to Baxter Street. But my months with Tamara had worn away the lonely old questions and replaced them with a greed of my own: my body was just a fact, this night, a kind of euphoria. I coincided with it, and with the dancing crowd. Throbbing with the horns and drums, we formed a waterfall passing over a light, each of us a drop, a spark, bright, gone. The music danced us, and I knew it wouldn’t last, this body I’d learnt to love.

Does this mental detachment with one's body familiar anyone?

113 comments:

  1. FIRST !!!!!! AGAIN !!! Whitey Wins ! Whitey Wins ! AGAIN !!!!!!! Whitey IS God !!!!!!

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  2. I'll have to admit that I don't like M.E.'s new way of interacting with her
    blog followers, or I should say, her NON interaction with her blog followers.
    We were told that she would return in the authm, but as I suspected, she did not.
    I never liked the inconsiderate way that most posters behaved. It seemed as
    through they had to prove thier "sociopathic credentials" by being rude.
    I didn't suspect she would put up with that indefinately.
    Are these little "Tweets" I see on the right side of the screen from "Twitter?'
    I just noticed them. I'm dumb and lazy with computers, as I only learned how to
    use them in my middle 50's.
    The blog has become "self sustaining." I wonder why there are new postings
    each day. Is she more involved now? or is it business as usual.

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    1. it's not her annymore
      she sold it
      (inclueding her bookrights)
      the church made her distance her from all of this

      (but you didn't hear it from me)

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    2. Wonder if that's true. I was living next to a couple of missionaries for awhile, and couldn't resist asking them what their thoughts are on this site. They of course said all of it goes against the church's teachings. They invited me to church that Sunday to introduce me to others who could better answer my questions. I declined because I didn't want to go through what I KNEW I would be subjected to. My dad's side of the family attends regularly. They're what you think of with Mormon men: quiet, passive, reverent...my mom and her husband go every week too, but they are anything but traditional...they're loud, obnoxious, she throws up pics of the Mormon church whenever Mormons come and visit. Makes me laugh. She still considers herself a devout Mormon though.

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    3. *temple I mean

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    4. > We were told that she would return in the authm, but as I suspected, she
      > did not.

      First you say this…

      > The blog has become "self sustaining." I wonder why there are new
      > postings each day. Is she more involved now? or is it business as usual.

      …then you say this.

      You don’t know why you’re taking about. She said she was taking a break over the summer and now she’s back. This isn’t hard to see.

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    5. Were you the one who posted the comment about keeping Reynolds wrap in business...made me laugh :P

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    6. Doc, I don't think I'd ever subject myself to a regular church again (regularly I mean). They want to conform you, where there is nothing to conform than to be yourself. I sometimes do miss it but I'm so not into following a system. I'm a rebel like Jesus was. I'm sure if he was alive in today's generation he would shake his head at the church today. Actually Jesus was never into church. I usually see "Christ's love" the most in un-professing believers. Or In my neighbour's of faith or atheists. Every three months or so I like to visit church. If I found a Christian -gothic church I'd be so there. They embrace the dark with the light, it's captivating. Or maybe borderlines are just drawn to that. Idk why it is with me. But my city has nothing like that. :( so I hang out with my hookers sometimes. Coffee, muffins. Yum. Now I must listen to "personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson . Man he can sing! Tainted love for my hubby tonight. It's Friday and my moon is full. Lololol

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    7. Superchick, yeah I get what you mean. Have fun with your tainted love.

      "They embrace the dark with the light, it's captivating." I think this is part of the draw people from the 'dark-triad' can have for 'norms'. I mean, until that moment of realization that it really is much bleaker and destructive that what one had bargained for.

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    8. The catholic church is pretty cool. They even wear costumes like it’s Halloween. There’s nothing aesthetically pleasing about the mormon church. It’s pretty drab. Also, women can’t hold the priesthood. I was rebellious about church since about 5 years old. I still get stalked by the mormon church. The only way out is a body bag.

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    9. The dark triad. That sounds like something from Star Wars :P

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    10. Lolol doc. ;) Dark traid. Interesting combination and can be an explosive combination for sure.. I can assure you, I ain't one really. I just really like role playing at times. I like more of the gothic christian slant. Like this gal Lacey. Love this band. Every album of hers is so dam good! The light with dark... beautiful combination indeed.

      http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KbdCeWoEH1U

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    11. There is something alluring about us that fall in the dark triad (bustin out the light saber). People tell me I have a magnetic personality all of the time. They have no idea the destructive thoughts I have, and the things I could do. There was a story I was thinking of sharing recently on here that was very therapeutic, but decided not to because I like to use this site to let the evil out to play a little :P

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    12. Good song. Here's one to git yer borderline emo on.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ktv2C9vnRKU

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    13. Dr. Ginger, well my thought is that people may have no idea but they do have an inkling -- that's part of the attraction that makes you alluring to some. It's that bottomless pit of malignancy I was referring to as the dark triad, but there are those who manifest this light/dark interplay without being malignant...

      "There was a story I was thinking of sharing recently on here that was very therapeutic, but decided not to because I like to use this site to let the evil out to play a little :P"

      What is that -- a teaser?

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    14. "What is that -- a teaser?" lolol :):)

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    15. Real good song Dr G. I feel like putting on the really dark makup tonight. ;) just in that mode lately. it fluctuates.
      Listen to the song beside it. hahahha rebel bitch song. I like, I like. And the tata's are real nice. ;) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9h0TxKdEFeU

      I think its good to let the evil play out doc, its a release. no one really judges. Socio's don't really judge too much, they accept the good, bad, the play, and every thing in between. I understand. where else can I mention that I like to stuff so much cock in my mouth and get away with it -- besides my partner of course. haha. here. See, I ain't really a slut, I just love to talk slut for some reason. i'm committed to one man, but my mind is like a slut, fantacy, dirty zone playground. I just love to be called whore. Gets me off. o dear.. LMAO

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    16. "See, I ain't really a slut" -- sweet.

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    17. The link didn't work :/ It says it can't play in my country. I'm a violence perv. I have my little outlets like studying violent behaviors so I don't engage in it myself. We gotta get our kicks through cinema now watchin Clockwork Orange or a Quentin Tarantino movie.

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    18. Lol, Clockwork orange it is. Pop some popcorn for us and it's a date!

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  3. Yes, I experience my body in a detached way. I often see it doing things out of the corner of my eye (like typing these words) and think, "nice to have a body that does that shit automatically."

    If you would like to experience this state of consciousness, the videos like this one have exercises that will allow you to experience it.

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  4. moments in which we are lost, the boundaries of our bodies thrusting against the boundaries of our lovers bodies being blurred and overshadowed by an illicit and consuming passion, moments in which our bodies are in sync with the rythmns of a lover in such a way that we feel somehow connected to everything and the boundaries of our bodies inconsequential. I feel like its not so much of a detachment in the fugue sense as it is a moment in which we succumb to a desire (particularly maybe a homosexual desire) in which we surrender a certain control or role or whatever, and allow ourselves to push boundaries and see oneself through a lovers eyes in a way thats necessarily fleeting.
    on the flipside, mental detachment is also a coping mechanism, we detach from ourselves when submitting to a lover we've lost interest in, usually because we feel hiding this loss of interest serves a greater purpose. but this is a calculated detachment, not perhaps what you're referring to.

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  5. We are animals with complex brains. The only ones on planet earth with self awareness of our existence and of our mortality. We think we are running the show with our "self" (ego); more and more neuroscience argues that our decision process exists below the level of consciousness, and that our self is a “convenient fiction” our nervous system creates. For example the Wikipedia article on “Free Will” states: “One significant finding of modern studies is that a person's brain seems to commit to certain decisions before the person becomes aware of having made them.”

    We are animals, with animal drives: survive, reproduce. We are social animals, we strive to merge with each other, physically through sex and socially through churches, teams, armies. Some animals without self awareness have merged into hives and nests, most obviously bees and ants. Probably the only hive mind mammals are mole rats. As science progresses into the 21st Century humans seem to be evolving ourselves into hive minds through through the Internet and social media, a kind of new nervous system, built up with self-aware units.

    As psycho-socio paths, where do we fit in this evolving creature? Are we killer bees? Fire ants? Mole rats do not kill or eat meat. Among mammals there are pack predators such as wolves, hyenas, lions, orcas.

    Is sociopath world the earliest stage of a eusocial predator hive? Is today's post is about one of these hive units testing its boundaries through bisexual merging with her fellows? Will she follow up by breeding and birthing? (My daughter, is an empathic lesbian, and her wife has given birth through artificial insemination to an empathic child.) Will M.E. Follow a similar path, acquiring sperm (by intercourse or by test tube) from a fellow socipath and then raising a little litter of human predators who may feed on your children if empaths or mate with them if sociopaths?

    Where is all of this going? Time is running short. I won't live long enough to see. Tell me now!

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  6. "As science progresses into the 21st Century humans seem to be evolving ourselves into hive minds through through the Internet and social media, a kind of new nervous system, built up with self-aware units."

    Some of your posts are a riot, RA. I'm not sure what you mean by a hive mind.

    Here's my take on this: Social evolution happens much faster than biological evolution and appears to be evolving faster and faster. One thing that strikes me is that the internet and forums like this one provide an opportunity for people with radically different attitudes to life (like sociopaths) to communicate (sometimes it seems like communication anyway) with other like-minded people, so they do not keep their state of mind hidden in the same way as before. I guess it can affect feelings of isolation and being different and other parts of one's identity in a way that actually changes that identity.

    So the experience of being a sociopath changes as society changes too.

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  7. I agree with most of what you say Dr. SiFi. As best I understand it, an individual animal such as a dog, cat, or raccoon, has an individual mind without self awareness. A bee or an ant has a individual mind, without self awareness, but it plays a role that is directed by the hive as a "greater whole" (gestalt in German, I think). The "Queen bee" might seem to be the "ruler" of the hive, but her "role" is to lay eggs so the hive can survive. (Consider that a shred of the bee hive rap.) The drone has a role to fuck the queen and then die. The worker gas a role to feed the queen or to forage for honey. All the bees follow their roles. Unlike a male tiger, a solitary animal who kills, eats, mates, and eventually dies. The female tiger is also solitary, but her biology tells her to mate, give earth to a baby tiger, teach it to kill and eat. Each tiger has a mind, but tigers rarely (never) coordinate with other tigers.

    Our human evolving social communication allows us to change both our social forms and our biological forms. We are strongly driven to mate and reproduce, so our evolution drives us "fuck like crazed weasels" as the execrable Dr. Laura Schlessinger put it when she was at the height of her hormone driven lust and before she found "God" and began to fulminate about fucking without God's approval.

    Homosexuality represents a spin off of our excessive sex drives. As we are the only animals embarrassed by our sex drives, we wear clothes and set rules: "Marriage is the union of a man and a woman." "God tells us so."

    Society said, "It's a crime for an African-American and a white person to mate." [I am white and had an African-American girl friend when I was 16, though we didn't mate and make a baby who might have become a mixed-race President of the United States.] In any case, nobody gives a shit anymore about what color of skin fucks what color of skin. A few people have changed their skin color just for jollies.

    For a long time society became hugely bent out of shape about homosexuals. Fortunately, by the time my daughter told me she was a lesbian she lived in a place and time when people did not care much anymore. Now my daughter and her partner were married in a judge's chambers by a judge who is now on our state's Supreme Court as an open lesbian. Nobody much cares.

    The psychological and sociological world interacts with the physical world. We have discovered that some some people are transgender. Some stay in their original body, some choose to go through physical changes involving surgery and drugs, painful and time-consuming and expensive, but no longer "cutting edge." (So to speak.)

    Your point about the rapidly changing social changes is valid, but it is not completely separate from the rapidly changing physical biology changes also feasible and taking place on a daily basis. I was joking in a recent comment about giving people "empathy" transplants. Not feasible today, but by the end of the century (if we survive this long) it might be possible to test a new born baby for whether it is going to be a sociopath (just as we now routinely check babies for rare physical diseases that used to kill young children and now intervene before it's too late) and the doctor might say, "Mrs. Smith, we have tested your new born for empathy. Less than 5%, I'm afraid. We can now start it on a course of treatment that will prevent the little bugger from growing up to be a nasty sociopath like you, or we can help it join the majority of teh human race."

    A pipe dream? Might come true. If you knew your child would grow up to be a sociopath, and a course of treatment was possible that would "cure" it to be an "empath" what would you do? Anyone?

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    1. RA As it's pretty likely that my child will grow up to be a sociopath (yes, I'm assuming there's a genetic component to it, and it does kinda run in my family), if there was a cure, I wouldn't make him do it, it would be his choice and his alone.

      For everyone interested on a nice take on consciousness and self-awareness, I'd recommend Peter Watts' Blindsight, if you can get past the scientific jargon, it's probably guaranteed to blow your head right off your shoulders

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    2. Apharius, thanks for posting about Blindsight. From wikipedia this looks like a fascinating read.

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  8. Stop living in your head. Its comfortable in there.

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    Replies
    1. Get out of my head. It's not comfortable when you try to get in there.

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  9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buZZyUBwymA

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  10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOxlXu6drIQ

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  11. Please tell me there's someone else here that saw the satire in Clockwork Orange. I thought it was hilarious, but I had a couple of psychologists mad at me the other day because they couldn't see the humor in it.

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    1. Ehem!!! (doing my best, which isn't to say much, Beetlejuice voice): I've seen it a hundred and sixty seven times,...and it keeps getting funnier!!!

      I know he was talking about a different movie, but CO - both the movie and the book are favorites.

      Hey, if you join Superchick and DocSciFi for a motorcycle outing, we'd have...a pair-a-docs! *rimshot* 8D~

      OK - I'm giddy that it's the weekend...

      Cheers!

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  12. It's been a while since I read the book (being an old fart who still reads books, much as they are going out of style) and watched the movie. I will watch the movie again, but unless the "refresh" changes my slipping mind, I will offer a cautious and provisional "yes," I agree that the movie is satirical. I think we weirdos have to stick together. Speaking of hilarious satire, is anything funnier than North Korea. Sometimes reality is too bizarre to make up. Any asteroids heading toward earth right now?

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  13. No, I haven't experienced what you are describing, but I'm not a sociopath. For although we "non-sociopaths" often need to endure great pain and heartache that sociopaths are unable to experience, we are easily able to experience high levels of euphoria as our senses and body work in harmony. An emotional connection coupled with basic animalistic desire create an ongoing state of euphoria that is absolute ecstasy.
    It's very sad that sociopaths are incapable of feeling this.

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  14. When I was young there was a day time serial named "Dark Shadows."
    It was a "horror themed" soap that took place in the fictional town called
    "Collenswood" Mane. It had all the characters that a horror show was suppost to
    have Ghosts, Vampires, Warewolves, etc. The Showtime cable network is trying
    to rip off the concept with it's "dreadful" new show called "Penny Dreadful."
    Anyway, there was one story line where a dangerous ghost named Quenten
    Collons was causing disruption in the Mansion. A ghost hunter/medium was
    brought in to communicate with Quention. She was suppost to be the best.
    She went to the isolated area of the house were Quenton resided.
    She was not afraid of ghosts at all. She welcomed Queton's communication.
    But Quention wouldn't communicate. He was completely silent. This rattled her
    nerves. "Why won't you say something!" she pleaded. A day or so later, she
    was seen at the top of a stairway with her eyes wide open, with an expression
    of absolute terror on her face. The "force" that was holding her up released her
    and she went tumbling down the stairs. The point of the story was if someone is
    working on you, the understated approach might work better.
    Is this what M.E. is doing? Is she trying to "get" at us while hiding in the
    back round? Is she toying with us in someway? I could be wrong of course.
    Those of you that have "smart phones" and "twitter" might have more
    information about what she's up to NOW. I'm just wondering what her motivations might be. That's far more interesting to me then wanting to know
    which "team" is in first place.

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    1. "What" is "with" you "doing" this with "half" of "your" "words"?

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    2. On the other hand, being a borderline 'path,' I am not wondering very much what your motivations might be, though it would be interesting to know why you are hiding behind the "Anonymous" label. Probably the FBI and Homeland Security people monitoring this web site have already figured out who Anonymous Sociopath 13,418 is, and have your shabby apartment in Buffalo, New York already staked out and you are being tailed as you drive to your pathetic job as a Wall Mart greeter.

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  15. Used to be a human being could become infected with a venereal disease by putting their infected prick in an infected cunt (I will let you work out the possible permutations and variations). Here in modern times your computer or dumb phone can get infected with a data processing disease by clicking a link that says "click here" on a social network. Especially a totally unprotected psychopath/sociopath web site with the URL "sociopathworld.com. Come here, little girl. I have some lovely candy for you. Come here, little boy. I want to show you some interesting pictures and videos. Here's one called CALIGULA. You will learn some history by watching the movie, some of it actually based on facts. Just go ahead and clink on the link.

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    1. The movie Caligula is actually quite historically accurate.

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  16. As I am a proto quasi "path," instead of clicking the psychopath link offered by MD KASWAR (a pseudonym if I ever read one, and I have used many) here on my own computer to see if the malware protection I use really works, when I am at the library later today, I will click the link there to see if the library's malware protection really works. On the other hand, the library may have already put this web site on their "not appropriate for library use" list. Even though it does not include any photographs or videos of humans engaged in sexual activity, and details of terrorist activities such as recipes for making an explosive device. If I am stymied in that fashion we may all be up the creek without a paddle.

    In the meantime, somebody else check out that link and report back to us. Somebody else figure out who MD KAWSAR is and put out a contract on him, her, or it.

    Maybe it's M.E. playing a little prank on on. Or just testing us out to see if we are alert. Or maybe it's just a harmless, fascinating link to watch movies i phone com

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  17. "playing a little prank on US." It should say. A mind is a terrible thing to lose and while I do not have a cam on me at this very moment, my brain is dripping out my ears at this very moment.

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  18. "we don’t actually have inner feelings in the way most of us think we do....
    awareness is not an illusion. It’s a caricature. Something — attention — really does exist, and awareness is a distorted accounting of it."

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/12/opinion/sunday/are-we-really-conscious.html?action=click&pgtype=Homepage&version=Moth-Visible&module=inside-nyt-region&region=inside-nyt-region&WT.nav=inside-nyt-region

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    1. We're here to get our evil on. What are you doin makin us think and stuff :P

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    2. "awareness is not an illusion"..Pinker has argued otherwise.

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    3. super agree with Dr. Sci Fi

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    4. Dr. Ginger, actually I was aiming for laughter, being an almost humourless being.

      The quote is not my pov as of yet, just interesting. The author is a professor at princeton who writes children's books, as well as having his pet theory of quantum gravity. The latter is almost enough to qualify him as a crackpot all by itself...

      His ghastly website has some interesting papers to download like: "Human consciousness and its relationship to social neuroscience." At least he also does experiments so it's not purely theoretical fantasy land. I am also not so sure that what he says is so different than Pinker, it depends on the nuances of illusion and awareness. But I haven't read Pinker either.

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    5. I have a buncha crackpot theories too. I think when you get to the doctor level, things start to get a little weird.

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  19. I want to testify that my wife is back after a Divorce !!!

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

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  20. I went to the library. I clinked on the KOSWAR link I suspected was a link to the bowels of Hell, with Satan herself squatting down there waiting to sink her black widow brown recluse tarantula fangs into anyone who clinked. The library (which simultaneously proclaims its support of "freedom of speech" and keeping the library family safe) has not blocked access to Sociopath World. I guess because it does not show videos of people fucking and sucking and killing, and other civilization-friendly stuff. As far as I can tell it is only “garden variety” spam. Like you might have encountered in the earliest days of the world wide web when we were all (well, most of us) very innocent. It's OK to click it. It's just stupid shit about how to download free movies by stealing them. Down right wholesome, really.

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  21. I am too lazy, but I am sure with a little effort even my senile mind could figure a way to XXX the XXXXXX library system.

    Among other jobs I have held, my last job was working for one of the biggest and most respected public library systems in the United States. In my last year of 10 years of employment for that library system of working, a very successful and highly respected librarian who "out of nowhere" suddenly ascended to the top of the food chain and became one of the top administrators of the system.

    On the way up she had made friends with me, kind of like a spider wrapping up a still squirming fly and keeping it thrashing in her web for a day when she wanted a snack. As often before in my life, as a very dumb, wimpy and naïve “almost a psychopath,” I failed to spot one about to seize me.

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  22. My life has long suffered from an overdose of nonfatal irony poisoning. In the case, HK (the spider queen librarian) sank her fangs into me just as the library (an incredibly politically correct and hypocritical place) chose the very moment the library was embarking on a very intense "anti-harassment" campaign to launch a vicious harassment of me, not for sexual exploitation of my aged (and not especially attractive body, but just because (as far as I can figure out) she was getting her kicks by kicking around a man who did not lick her feet.

    My immediate supervisor (GF) (who was caught in the middle between the spider queen and me) looked earnestly into my eyes and said, "Stephen, this is very important. If you experience any kind of harassment don't hesitate to tell me. If you don't feel comfortable telling me, tell my supervisor."

    I thought, "GP you are harassing me -- at the direction of your boss -- HK -- the chief instigator of the harassment, both of you and of me." There was only one step up the food chain at the time, the director of the library. While not a 'path himself I am pretty sure, the director was a fairly major league creep. A good director, but cordially hated by half of his employees yet loved by the public.

    Not for the first time in my life I dreamed of being a Dextor Morgan/Serge Storms sociopath who eliminates with extreme prejudice a tacky lowlife who should be expunged from the face of the earth. I am just smart and sensible enough to know I would never successfully pull it off. So I retired after making a half hearted attempt to file a sexual harassment complaint. In an institution run mostly by women, there was little interest in hearing a complaint filed by a man who often talked back. Even my wife, a person of incredible empathy who has never done anything wrong in her life (except for marrying me) could not believe that a woman would harass a man.

    So I retired, my revenge blood lust unslaked. If someone reading this is a serial killer who has fallen on hard times and would be interested in knocking off an aging female sociopath for peanuts, let me know.

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  23. As it's almost Halloween time, I will close on a creepy note. A couple of nights ago, while my wife was sneaking away with a friend, I left the front door ajar while I was putting the chickens to bed and when I came back in, there was something black flitting silently around the house like a very large black moth. It took a while for me to grasp that a black bat had sneaked into our house and lived inside for several days swooping eerily around. I hope it caught a few mosquitoes during its uninvited hostel stay. Eventually, when my wife returned, the two of us were able to brush it safely outside. Neither of us were bitten, so I am assuming it was not rabid. If it was, perhaps rabies can be transferred past whatever malware protection you use and infect you while you read Sociopath World. It only seem appropriate, somehow.

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  24. Hey, the F.B.I. is ALREADY aware of what we're all doing. Privacy is a
    total myth, and never more so.
    Many years ago, I worked as a security guard at a defense plant. Higher ups
    were suspicious of me. Wonder why. I was nothing to them. Nothing at all.
    They gave me gate duty. One part of the thankless job was to wait for a female
    employee to arrive at her specially reserved parking spot. She had a massive
    lawsuit against the plant, because she had been assulted sometime before.
    Before me, most of the guards didn't bother to wait for her, so she would go to
    the security section and issue demands. She wasn't the WORST person. In fact
    their plant to get me to quit didn't work at all. To wait for a person, to walk her
    into the building, and just tend to the gate in the morning when the trucks
    arrived early morning meant nothing at all. Sure, there was lots of talk against
    me, bullying and bascially an unpleasent "work" enviorment but it was "tolorable."
    Being assigned to the parking lot, I made a lot of small talk with empolyess
    coming and going from work. Some were real characters. But there was one
    odd person in particular. He was the son of a worker. He was in the miltary.
    His mother said he worked at the necular launch sites in Montanna. When I
    spoke with him, he inserted snippts of prior conversations I had with other people, on subjects he could not possibly have known I said. He specifically
    motioned me over to him before he began the conversation. There was another
    man sitting in the car with him, with a cast on his hand, he had a very wry smile
    on his face. No doubt, he was undercover "something" and was having fun with
    me. He thought I was "insane" and he could rattle me. This is a certain method
    called "gaslighting. It can be used in many ways. For example, I used to write
    letters to a talk radio demoguge. He would read them on the air. He knew' and
    the agency he reported me to, knew I would be listening to his show. When he
    took calls on his show, a caller said a very off topic phrase, that was a portion of
    a personal letter I had written to some one else. The sentence the caller read
    wasn't even REMOTELY related to what the show was about. The chances of a
    caller to a radio talk show saying what I said was a million to one.
    On another ocassion another "guard" I had never seen before worked with me till
    daybreak. He "followed" me home, (Except he was actually ahead of me the
    whole way.) As I got off the final turnoff he pulled off the road AHEAD off me.
    I never saw him before or since.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they were gaslighting you, what they told you didn't really happen.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous 2:56 am, I suppose what you are relating probably did happen, because I have had similar experiences. For example, my father never had a birth certificate until his 30's. His birth (in Chicago) was attended by two physicians; each thought the other signed. In those days (1910s, I think) nobody cared about surnames. Eventually, my dad, a very bright but fairly dreadful man got a job working for the real life analog to "Dr. Strangelove" helping invent computers and the Internet. Part of his job was programming the computers that would have launched the bombers that would have helped bomb humanity back to the stone age during the worst parts of the Cold War.

      My father had to get a security clearance for such "sensitive" work. The FBI looked at his family background. "Hmm . . . Eastern European ancestors? No birth certificate? What is going on here? My father was investigated by the FBI for six months before they decided he was loyal and responsible enough to help destroy civilization.

      Later, in my own life, I had a close friend named Ray who had been a Navy Seal in Vietnam. This was before Seals had the cachet they do now -- in those days, Green Berets were the hip authorized killers -- but my friend was the real thing I am sure. I remember spending time with him and thinking, "This is the most dangerous man I have ever met in my life. If he wanted to, he could kill me with his bare hands. And I could sense barely contained rage not far beneath the surface. At the same time, I never felt safer than when I was in his presence. He was very handsome and filled with male charisma. He was the closest real life analog to Sylvestor Stallone's "Rambo" persona I have ever known. Stallone is, I am sure, in good shape for his movie roles. If some thug jumped Stallone in an alley, Stallone could probably defend himself pretty well.

      With Ray, I suspect, if four thugs jumped in in an alley, it was quite likely that he would still be alive and the four criminals would be dead or incapacitated. No way to tell for sure, but he certainly conveyed that impression.

      It amused me also, because it's a cliche that a lot of women like "bad boys." Ray looked like he was sent from central casting to play a Navy Seal. We worked for the same company for a while and attended company parties. Five minutes after he entered the room the most attractive women at the party would be gathered around him like moths around a candle. Ray was happily married at the time, but certainly enjoyed the attention. He said to me once, "It's like being at a very good buffet restaurant. You can't eat everything, but I certainly enjoy the opportunity to eat anything I want to."

      Delete
  25. Does anyone have a but plug I can use?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anus Man, no - no sharing but plugs, just some hot wax all over me please.

    ReplyDelete
  27. C'mon now anuses, it's spelled butt. I thought sociopaths were suppose to be intelligent

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anus women, your a real bad girl.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm real good at being real bad. Former plaything c'mon and join us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just how bad are you? ;)

      Delete
    2. D, " treat the whore like a queen," and she'll be whatever you want her to be.

      ;)

      Delete
    3. I LOVE ME SUM GOOD CUNT JUICE. It's the bong.

      Delete
    4. A Queen that’s a a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore… mmm…

      I used to play with a Queen but her King didn’t like it so I told her that we wouldn’t play anymore because I liked her too much and I didn’t want to cause any problems.

      I think that if we play I’ll end up causing problems. So I’m just going to sit on
      the couch, watch football, and burn myself with cigarettes to suppress the
      desires… :’(

      Delete
    5. Awwe D, :'( that's so sweet. Maybe your queen really saw you too as her king. But ya, the king by law won't like that too much. Enjoy your night and football. Cuddles for all its worth.

      Delete
    6. Fucking ethical moral shit rules we gotta live by at times. Play nice and don't cause harm. Love and whoreness combined shall find you again. You deserve it. Ever one does.

      Delete
    7. Just because we don't play anymore doesn't mean we can't email each other every once in a while...

      Delete
    8. D, are you talking about your former queen, or you'd like to stay in touch with me through email sometimes? May I ask how old you are? :)

      Delete
    9. I think I'm confusing you with someone else. How you answer this question will clear it up:

      What's the only way to show true compassion for your partner?


      I'm 35-45. How old are you?

      Delete
    10. You might have mistaken me for someone else but glad our paths crossed here. You had me thinking a little about the suspense - the mystery of not knowing someone - but yet fully knowing them and understanding them.

      The only way to show true compassion for me D is total acceptance of my partner's overall make up. Acceptance has always been my highest form of compassion. When that is given, I believe, we see our truest identities being mirrored back to one another. For myself, compassion is to have a deep awareness of the state of another human being & feeling total appreciation for it's value....what it teaches one of course.

      All while being in a state of non-judgment of myself and of them.

      I'm between 34-44. Lol. Where are you from?

      Delete
    11. This reminds me of the AOL chatrooms..a/s/l..... ahhh I'm taking a break from sociopathworld for now...gonna go pretend to be normal for awhile :) :)

      Delete
    12. Awww! Damaged pining like a little bitch is adorable.
      Your rose used you for an ego boost. That's all you were. Narcissistic supply for each other. You sold each other fantasies that had no chance of matching reality. Think about it.

      Delete
    13. @Anus Woman

      I thought you were someone else.

      I'm in the USA. I don't live on 1 of the coasts. Where are you from?

      Delete
    14. @anon 8:51

      It's true. I'm adorable.

      So we used each other. Each of us got what we wanted. What's wrong with that?

      Delete
    15. Nothing wrong with using each other.
      Pining like a bitch who fell hard for a one night stand makes you sound desperate. Like you badly need the fantasy because real life is so disappointing.

      If you think it was that good, why not chase it? Are you scared, Damaged?

      If all it was was 2 people needing an ego boost and a fantasy to escape their dreary reality, then why not get over it?

      Delete
    16. To answer your questions: I'm not pining, life is going well, I'm not scared, and I'm over it.

      You don't know what the dynamic of the relationship is.

      Delete
    17. I forgot to ask..

      What one night stand?

      Delete
    18. Damaged, Damaged, Damaged.
      You were talking so shweetly about missing your queen.
      To say nothing of jumping and flirting with anything that reminds you of her, talking so wistfully about liking her too much to keep playing.
      Must I really spell it out? That is called pining. You are anything but over it.

      If life is going so well, why are you still on here talking about her like that? People only tend to cling to fantasy like that when reality doesn't measure up.

      If you were not scared, then what's the real reason why did you not go after this queen of yours?

      Delete
    19. Now, now Anonymous (who are you?),

      Like I said, you don't know everything. Why do you want to know so bad?

      Delete
    20. Lol, that's one way to deflect, Damaged.
      Who I am is immaterial. You and your relationship with the queen of your fantasy world is far more relevant to the conversation after all.

      I never claimed to know everything, Damaged. If I did, I would not ask so many questions. I'm a curious creature by nature.

      So tell me, why did you not pursue it if not for fear?

      Delete
    21. It's not deflection. I don't want to tell you. It's none of your business.

      And whoever said she's the queen of my fantasy world? Or that I have a fantasy world for that matter?

      Chunk, is that you? I'm done with you.

      Delete
    22. My, my, you are getting quite defensive.

      I won't insult your intelligence by pointing out how clear you make it that she is the whore queen of your fantasy world.
      You pretty much admitted you used each other for narcissistic supply.
      You claim you are over it, life is great, you were not scared, you stopped for her sake, lest her king cause problems.
      Yet, you are still here, still flirting, baiting her. Still craving the ego boost, I take it? Yes, I'm sure you're on top of the world, Damaged.
      Very interesting indeed. Is it any wonder your adorable display peaked my curiosity?

      I can honestly say I have no idea who Chunk is.

      Delete
    23. Anonymous, fuck right off you troll.

      Damage, I live in Canada. I think your great and interesting to talk too. I hope our paths do cross again. I enjoyed it. :-)

      Delete
    24. Yes, Anus, that's what men like best. Desperation.
      Especially desperation in a woman who calls herself Anus and pretty much begs to be used and abused. Who would do anything at all for a hint of attention or validation.

      You are quite the seductress ;-)

      Delete
    25. Haha. Your so funny it's kinda cute and a little pathetic. It's just a joke. The name. You dish out what your actually guilty of doing. Your judgments are harsh, but it actually mirrors that your probably your own worse critic of yourself inside. That's where all judgment stems from., so I'll dish out some compassion on you. I was actually warned about you, but I felt pity for you and worried for you. Really worried. Can you appreciate that? Other women get attention too- it will never get you anywhere putting another women down, specially your skewed perceptions of me. I've seen your rude side and ive witnessed your nice side, and I accept you for who and what you are. So cheers my darling. Suppers almost done and it's time to enjoy that.

      Delete
    26. And the reason why I told the troll up above to fuck off is because D didn't need the added critics. He already admitted to burning himself with cigarettes, so pull the compassion card out... not criticize the fellow further. I realize who this Anonymous is now.

      Delete
    27. Lol, that was one touching, humbling piece of psychobabble.
      Yes, Anus, you go on pretending not to be reeking of desperation to the point that it is palpable even online.

      Yes, I'm sure you can be his lady in shining armor. Accept him fully, pour all that pity, sorry, compassion on him, be his new whore queen. He will surely blossom into your Prince Charming and will sweep you off those feet to live happily ever after. Might even change his name to Mr Anus in honor of his savior.

      This is so romantic.

      You figured out who I am? How clever of you. Do tell.

      Delete
    28. Wow, how do you read so much into things. Me & D don't even know each other, I never asked to fuck him? I was being friendly and making small talk & you just came in the middle of everything. Stay out of our anus talk. I'll talk anus if I choose too, I was joking around. And we'll talk to one another if we both want to furthur on , however we choose to express it is none of your concern. Your a troll. Go troll someone else.

      Delete
    29. You make me laugh.
      The funniest thing is that you honestly can't see how transparent you are. How desperate.
      You beg for attention like an abused puppy. Use the promise of sex, of complete acceptance, anything just to feel wanted. Feigning strength whilst advertising your victimhood in neon lights.
      I have known many special snowflakes like you. All were too easy. None understood that a man cannot love a woman he is incapable of respecting.

      Talk anus all you like and I am not in any way stopping your budding romance with Damaged.
      However, since you are so keen to point out that you are free to talk to whomever and however you please, I would like to remind you that you are not the only one who has that right.

      I hope you enjoyed your supper.
      You might find this to your liking:
      www.cookingwithpoo.com

      Delete
    30. Omg. It's a fuckin joke. I never once asked for a romantic relationship with D. How do you read into things. You just sit there and critique me and spew out judgments of my character. You don't even know me.

      For your ringing ears Anon: my partner reads my convos online, I have absolutely nothing to hide - we actually joke how slutty I talk online at times, but I would never cheat on him physically. Now how could I do that right? Roll eyes at me right? * what a slut!!! I am neither good, nor bad. I disapprove of judgment.  We actually laugh at one another... and he has a sense of ease with me when I slut talk a little. My phone was on the counter and he was the "anus man" in the beginning of this covo before he left for work. We shared a breakfast that morning.. and my phone was on this site. We were fuckin just joking around a little. So if it doesn't bother him, why does it bother you who I talk with? He laughs at me that I get a kick out of this Sociopath World and 99.99% trusts me.  I love people who are different from the average joe..... and when someone responded to the thread like D and FP, I go with the flow and I made light conversation a little out of my slut talk. Good night! Please leave me alone.

      Delete
    31. And guess what, I know how bad you don't like to share any attention when someone talks to someone else besides you Anonymous...gotta get your claws in there somehow by your bullying tactics right?. Then you pull out the victim card "I'm taking a break from this site" and also called me a "dumb cunt" on another thread post. Went on of how "stupid I was".... probably because English is not my first language growing up.

      Have all the attention you like... I'm outta here. Try not to gossip too much on my way out. Your fruit spoils that way. But I can always whip something up for you on that website you kindly left for me ....and dish it back on your plate once and for all. But I can assure you....some people have figured it out. And all this bleepin time I fended your ass. I stick up for you. Your toxic to me Anonymous. Don't ever email me again. And meanwhile I bought your book and you probably now know where I live. FUCK this shot. Lesson learnt!

      Delete
    32. D, FP, and ME, not referring to you guys. It's one chick that has it in for me on this site. She played frenemy with me for months. I was warned, but hey, I had to see it for myself.

      Delete
    33. Please don't be angry with me. I didn't realise it was you.

      I do appreciate you sticking up for me, for your understanding, for your compassion.
      I have behaved so poorly towards you and hurt your feelings. I understand that now.

      Would you accept my apology?

      Delete
    34. Please don't be angry with me. I didn't realise it was you.

      I do appreciate you sticking up for me, for your understanding, for your compassion.
      I have behaved so poorly towards you and hurt your feelings. I understand that now.

      Would you accept my apology?

      Delete
    35. Your a liar who can't be trusted. I thought you were a cool chick but your nothing but a backstabbing bully. I'm burning your book tonight. Never talk to me again.

      Delete
    36. Since that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time I'll give you a clue.
      I'm not your frenemy. I would not fuck with your lonely little braincell like that.

      I am not the one who called you a cunt, but I bet you would have loved that. For the same reason you assume I'm morally judging you: you want to be seen as a bad girl, a sex kitten. Online, where you never have to venture outside that fantasy land and make good on your words.
      Adorable.

      I hope you enjoy the book burning and never fear, I'm sure your frenemy wouldn't use your personal information against you. Then again, as you are so fond of saying, you were warned.

      Delete
    37. Anus Women 11:02 wasn't me, you again twisted that one on me and wrote yourself. Id never burn a book I just bought. You are very smart and im glad that worked out for you. And I don't wish ill on anybody. I will read it and then put it on my bookshelf.

      But in reply to your previous post (Anon 6:28), I do wish you success and peace, joy all that good stuff and do accept your apology--even though you'd probably bully me in previous future comment threads and I'm just not so sure of your sincerity with me, sorry to say. My interactions with you have come to an end. Good luck with all your future endeavours. I'm ending this on a peaceful note.

      Delete
    38. You still have no clue, do you?

      I am the only Anonymous in this entire conversation. My response at 6:28 was my way of fucking with your head.
      I'm not your frenemy.
      Don't take it personally, I simply enjoy fucking with people.

      There is no moral judgement. I don't consider you evil, bad, wicked or anything of the like. I couldn't care less about any of that slut or anus talk.
      I simply saw your desperation for attention and validation, the victimhood you try to hide, the condescending offer of compassion.

      You try to control others regarding how and to whom they should speak, whilst preaching about your own rights. You react so powerfully to the smallest ego blow that it makes you almost irresistible for me to fuck with.

      That said, I have nothing at all against you. See you around.

      Delete
    39. "I simply saw your desperation for attention and validation, the victimhood you try to hide, the condescending offer of compassion."

      You go on about this like your my psychologist or something. Lol. Your manipulation with words are catching phases you throw out at people - idk maybe inside you really dislike being put in your place by someone else and have a harder time tolerating the distress of letting it fucking go! You act like a bully, no matter how you dress it up with your intelligent lingo, and you admitted that you enjoy fucking with people. Your skewed perceptions of me are not true facts because your just some troll that decided to play with my head a little. Hahaha. .Your words to me are just kinda babble you throw out to make yourself feel better (your actually trying to validate yourself with your reverse psychology) - that you can some how read me through an Internet forum by my "victimhood" as you brought it up more than once now. For pits sake it was all a joke between my partner & I in the beginning of this thread. I told you that already. Have nothing against me. Good. Nice. Peace. I'm hungry. I must go cook with poo. Thank for that link. Lol. Looks real interesting.

      Delete
    40. You really make me laugh, Anus.

      Is that psychobabble, where you essentially put it all back on me, making you feel better about your meltdown? Or perhaps rationalizing that I must be nothing but a troll because I call you on glaringly obvious bullshit does?

      If I had to guess, from the way you react and the rest of this conversation, I'd say you are in DBT.
      I'd recommend you keep at it.

      Enjoy cooking with Poo. Some of the recipes do look rather interesting.

      Delete
    41. No melt down, your just toxic for me right now, like some others who saw you in action before. (*you know what I'm talking about). I felt bad for you, pitied you like human beings should display for one another and told them all to fuck off because they were stooping to that ridiculous level and ganging in on you real bad. I put myself in your shoes and felt deep compassion, and because your a human being with feelings I was concerned for your well being. But you never really appreciated me. I was always "a dumb little stupid cunt to you" Where were your so called followers then? They were busy trying to destroy the one thing you worked so hard for. Yup they were acting like assholes.

      Its called skills. And yup, you are correct, learning when to pull out my FAST skills finally, and my GIVE skills of course. Finally playing my hand of cards. You should really invest in dbt again. Keep grounding the skills in. Practice. Practice. You know what it's all about. :) It might really help. Tonight I'm going to listen too, "loving kindness" by Diane Winston. I'll vision you and wish you well with all the good stuff she talks about. My heart cannot become so harden like your displaying to me right now. Try it and vision me tonight. Maybe we can get pass this. Seriously, though, I can't keep up with all your alters. There's just too many to count. And there getting outright rude! Nice ones -- then bullying rude. I will stand up to your bullying alters. Your other ones are funny and nice - and I welcome them if that's what you need.

      But that's where I have 0 tolerance for it, the bully ones. And I also know there's lots of great stuff in you too. Good, edifying and encouraging stuff. I've seen it and it's what I appreciate the most about you.

      Delete
    42. O and your book came in this afternoon, yay! I shall enjoy it with a nice cup of tea after I dish up supper with a poo recipe that looked good. Cheers!

      Delete
    43. This is still going on?

      Delete
  30. I want to testify that my wife is back after a Divorce !!!

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in Texas,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. brave fucked her before she came crawling back to you. She needed good strong brave dick to do its job!

      Delete
  31. Hate to tell you this, Jeffrey, but you are a jerk. You have a wife? If you do, she must have a real obsession with being with a loser.

    ReplyDelete

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