Sunday, October 12, 2014

Quiet sociopath

From a reader:

I'm just wondering if it is possible to be a quiet sociopath? I always put myself as a quiet, reserved person that can see through everyone. Then, I use my quiet personality to manipulate their emotions for my benefits. But I don't hurt's just exhilarating to do it.

Signs in me:

With the different people I hang out with, I would always adjusts myself to a personality similar to them so that I could get close to their vulnerable side. I could be any personality and can be multiple personalities toward different ppl.

I always mentally murder someone in the head if I disliked them.

My friend told me she was happy that I am normal. She said this because one of our classmate at school actually tried to strangle someone. Anyways that person is a psychopath and is diagnosed with depression. When my friend told me that, I was glad she thought I was normal and not crazy.

When I was in Grade 1, I was very self-centered and bossy, but I've realized how I'm different from others at a very young age.

I really need help!

Thanks for taking your time reading this.

I think it's possible to be a quiet sociopath. I think a lot of sociopaths actually would prefer to avoid the spotlight if they could. I often use the example of between George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, Cheney is the much more likely sociopath -- the powerbroker in the shadows. Sound familiar?


  1. You cannot "get" help unless it has to do with something material.
    For example, an Ebola patient can get "help" because the problem pertains to
    his PHYSICAL body. BTW, the Ebola thing is more serious then they are letting
    on. It is EASY to catch. "You ain't seen nothing yet."
    A mental problem has no physical solution, IF it is purely mental. Many "mental"
    problems are NOT solely mental, they have a biological cause, like Skitsafrenia.
    Even bad diet, food alergy's and DRUGS of various kinds can contribute to
    "mental" problems.
    But if a person is generally apprehensive or discontented, there are certain things they can do. These things are not commonly known in the Western world
    and even in much of the Eastern, and a person still has to be motivated by hurt
    to persue them. Another words, a person has to link up MOST of their feelings of
    discontent to common mental mistakes they are obliviously making. The Eastern term for this is called "sleep." Even the President of the United States
    can be "asleep." So what do you do?

    1) Take care of all material needs that ARE REALLY MATERIAL. Food,
    clothing, shelter, nutrician, food alergies, get off perscription drugs to the
    best of your ability, enviornmental toxins. Get your colon irrigated, and go on the
    Paleo diet,

    2) Learn to discern what is REALLY the source of your discontent. It is EGO &
    IDENTIFICATION. You ego, is ALL the accqulmaleted ideas you have about
    yourself from childhood. The self descripitions you have accquired about yourself. This can easily be seen with anything that requires regimentation, such
    as religion, nationality, dedication to ritual, or being a sports fan. The "ego" is
    the identity you cling to. You feel naked and vulnernable without it. This
    extends to things, even people you think you 'MUST" have to survive. This is
    not so. It shouldn't matter in the long run what team wins the World Cup.
    It shouldn't even matter who dies if you are an adult who can take care of
    himself or a child who's material needs are kept.
    Sociopaths have the inside track. They may have large ego's, but they certianly
    don't identify with human's even family members. To barrow a title from a famous book, sociopath's "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff." And to a sociopath,
    EVERYTHING is small stuff.

    1. 3:15 am imaginary person:

      You may be correct that there is treatment for mental problems. You may be only imagining that you exist.

      It may not be a problem for you. It is no more than an amusement for me. You can get help for your dyslexia and perhaps illiteracy. I presume you have a computer device of some sort that you are using to prepare your post. Most data processing devices will help you spell words (as you are using a language, English, with fairly incoherent spelling principles). For example, the “correct” spelling of the word schizophrenia is not “Skitsafrenia.” Do I care? Not much Do you care? I don't know? Should you care?

      “Take care of all your material needs.” Good advice. Why are you posting at 3:15 am in the morning? Are you not in the United States? Are you getting enough sleep?

      “Get your colon irrigated.” That's superstitious nonsense. I know because my grandparents and parents believed in such hokum, and I was subject to this treatment as a child. It makes sense to get a colonoscopy every few years to prevent colon cancer. Otherwise, your body (for most people) knows hot to kick the shit out of your colon all by itself. Please update your medical beliefs, not to mention advice, to the state of the art of the 21st Century. Are you in Africa, receiving treatment by witch doctors? Is that why you are obsessing about ebola?

      “To barrow a title from a famous book, sociopath's 'Don't Sweat The Small Stuff.' And to a sociopath,
      EVERYTHING is small stuff.”

      Most of us like to stay alive. Paying attention to the small stuff, whether it's fastening your safety belt before you start your motor vehicle or putting on your protective suit before you treat an ebola patient is fairly important “small stuff.”

      In your case, I would suggest plugging in your brain before you post to this web site might be useful small stuff. But I doubt anybody cares. Your are definitely in the correct place if you want to be among people who do not care.

    2. I'm not really sure why a sociopath would be discontented with the knowledge that they're a sociopath. I'd also venture that the small stuff is really more stuff like other people, their feelings, etc. rather than buckling your seatbelt.

    3. RA do I smell a bit of hypocrisy here? You did care enough to post a reply, after all :). I do agree with your suggestion though, no-one should post shit with an unplugged brain, it's just...uninteresting.

      On M.E's post though: I see nothing wrong or in conflict between being quiet and reserved, and being a sociopath. Most of us like to observe people around. Some do it quietly, others do it while chatting or carrying out other activities. It's just a question of whatever floats our boat, I guess.

      Some of us are the talking type and always the conversation-starters, others are the lurkers who only talk once they get to know a bit about the other person. I think no-one will disagree that, in both cases, we will be able to maintain a good conversation and a sweet high level of unilateral disclosure, should we wish it so.

      I don't get the reader though. From the few data we've been given, it doesn't even seem one of the extreme cases, however she seems terrified of even the possibility of being a sociopath.

    4. Alpharius, ah yes... the unilateral disclosure. This might be the easiest way to spot a sociopath, or a sociopath that is taking some interest in you, I should say. Most people are too into themselves to notice, though.
      The first of ME's popular posts (on the right hand side of the blog) provides a list of soft traits common to sociopaths. It makes me smile how true they are. But I am not sure that I would have understood them enough to know how to make use of them before I became close to my sociopath "friend".
      Here are a couple of her points which relate to earlier posts in this thread:
      1. Sociopaths typically don't smalltalk about themselves as much as normal people do. They will direct the conversation back to the new acquaintance as much as they can.
      12. Can flip flop between keeping a very low profile (the observer) to being the life of the party (the actor).

      To come back to the letter ME posted, just like some other posters here, I am really not sure that this particular quiet sociopath is indeed a sociopath. She sounds young. Perhaps she has skills that we attribute to sociopaths - being aware, able and enjoying manipulating others, but the way she asks for help along with the fact that she is relieved her friend sees her as normal makes me wonder how far she is on the scale. I think she still has a choice to cultivate her sociopathy or to cultivate emotional relationships. It depends how scared she is of forming long lasting relationships, how vulnerable she feels.
      I would venture to say that the majority of teenagers are emotionally vulnerable, and that is a good incentive to want to become sociopathic, at least for a while! I remember going through it myself for about a year and consciously deciding, "this is not me", this is not the way I want to live my life. I also remember thinking (for about 14 years!) that there was something wrong with me and that I was unable to fall in love and keep loving a person...
      My point is that she probably can make a conscious decision as to what neuro pathways she wants to develop; she can choose between moving towards emotional maturity, which continues throughout life, or becoming emotionally stunted, which has its own set of challenges and rewards. She is at a crossroad.

    5. Hi O&W,

      I too get the sense that the author is young and trying to "find themselves" and it might be too early to call it one way or another. They can still make all sorts of choices - with all sorts of out comes.

      I relate to switching between the observer and the actor - it's something quite deliberate for me, especially at work.

  2. Hmm I know a socio who is a psych who likes to be the star of the show so I guess it just back to my argument about complexities, and praying the field of psychology evolves in this regard.

    1. Dr. Ginger! Go and reform our brothers and sisters!!! 8)~

  3. Aren't psychopaths meant to be less susceptible to depression? And, even if this is an exception, strangling someone does not seem a particularly efficient act to get anything except attention. It seems... an emotionally fuelled act. I dislike those. Unpredictable and rarely beneficial.
    On the subject of the 'quiet sociopath', I was myself somewhat reserved. Then I became confident. Now I'm insufferably arrogant. Of course, this could simply be a sign of narcissism, couldn't it? Regardless, I don't see a conflict between avoiding the spotlight and being a sociopath. Rather the opposite; surely someone who blends into the background would be able to pass as 'ordinary' more effectively than someone who insists on being the centre of attention all the time? I consider that blandness to be beneficial quality, considering all the negative connotations of psychopathy in mainstream society.

    1. Hi AM,

      I think it depends on your cocktail of psychopathy - "pathy" is right there in the name.

      BPD's, myself included, which are Cluster B's and members of the tribe, have a higher than average comorbidity for Major Depression. Something to do with being insensitive to serotonin as I recall (I KNOW there are folks on here who understand this better than I do...).

    2. Hmmm... Taking the psychopath as someone displaying the traits defined by Cleckley and Hare (as I did), being all but immune to depression is part of the package - the person who originally posted was obviously making an assumption based on connotations of the word 'psycho' and deciding that an attention-seeking student who committed a violent act and diagnosed with depression is a psychopath. This irks me. Especially since it led me to make a mistake. Of course, I have decided that the depressive student is attention seeking... An interesting little tangle of assumptions, is it not?

    3. Someone once said, "depression is anger without the enthusiasm." I always felt like that really got the heart of it for me.

      Most depressed people are desperate for attention, so I don't think you're off base there.

      As to the definition debate - I'm using the DSM (such as it is...) as a basis rather than Hare and Cleckley.

  4. From what you have shared, you may have some sociopathic tendencies, but that certainly doesn't make you a sociopath. Being quiet, reserved, and able to "see through others" are completely irrelevant. Many of us can read people and manipulate them to our benefit....and find it extremely exhilarating to have such control of others (I prefer to use the word charm instead of the word control). Having these feelings doesn't make us sociopaths. I can relate to everything you have shared. I love being desired, lusted after, and have my own unique way of doing so. I am very quiet and reserved, but was voted "Class Flirt" in high school-go figure. It certainly wasn't because I was openly seducing people in the lunchroom, I hated being the center of attention, but I loved attention, so I'd find other subtle ways to attract my victims. It's human nature, pure and simple.
    And fantasizing about murdering people you hate? The delight of fantasy is that it belongs to you. There is no harm in fantasizing. If you choose to act on your fantasies, that may potentially lead to problems...but that's your business.

    It would be impossible to answer the question of whether or not you are a sociopath based merely on the information you have shared. If you really question whether or not you are a sociopath ask yourself:
    1. When you have won the game and possess your target, do you become bored with them? Can you dismiss them easily without remorse?
    2. Are you able to sincerely empathize with others? Can you feel others emotional pain?
    3. Can you behave in immoral ways without feeling any guilt? Are you only concerned about getting caught when you steal, cheat or lie?
    Seeking help for your inner turmoil leads me to believe that you are not a sociopath. If you were, you really wouldn't give a shit. You'd be out looking for your next delicious target, certainly not looking for help on a website for sociopaths.

    1. Very well said FP, I especially resound with this statement:

      " When you have won the game and possess your target, do you become bored with them? Can you dismiss them easily without remorse?"

      I always thought winning the game of your target prize meant " keeping your trophie close to your heart." Not chuck it out and dismiss it like trash. That's like the biggest turnoff to me. Chase me, I chase you , then ditch each other when one shows interest or via versa. Maybe both do show interest but the chase has stopped for some reason. This is the step where they can detach and move on to their next target quick continuing their whole faulty default process again...and again... actually going nowhere. Maybe lots of fucking! Lol. That's about it - Never developing strong attachments. NO, continue to pursue and chase that special person your in a relationship with. My kind of fun would be to pursue, pursue in the relationship that's starting to establish because the bud needs a a chance to bloom. The flower needs continual water and care. Roots need to be established for a firm foundation. Attach to that person and have a lot of fun with one another. You treat it well, respect it, and play wild, wild! Never stop pursuing one another! That's the gift! The gift is to be grounded.

    2. I like the flower metaphor - once you have it and the flower blooms, you start looking for the next blossom...

      Part of me sees the whole thing as exhausting...but a bigger part of me can't help but miss it.

  5. First of all psychopaths are almost never depressed. Except when they are in prison of course. But its not impossible that he was depressed.

    Second (and this is the interesting part) i think its very "human" to imagine killing someone you dislike. A psychopath is detached in a way that he doesn't really want to kill a person he dislikes.
    In my experience you should start to 'worry' when you see a complete stranger and get the feeling that slicing that persons throat; might relief you or would make you more happy.

  6. Quiet socios most likely only do crimes like raiding somebodys cookie-jar? Docile socios most likely are the least likely "murder suspect" in the area. Low intensity psychos just wanna be left alone, they dont like people any more than more noisy psychos do. Why would they murder anybody? It does not make sense for such rational people. Even if the person taunted them or laughed af their expense: such morons just get their names rubbed out in the calendar by Calm & Docile Mr Psycho.

  7. Alpharius:

    “RA do I smell a bit of hypocrisy here?”

    Imagine that hyprcrisy is a pen full of pig shot that has not been cleaned for a year. Imagine that you have just walked from one end of the pen to the other. Imagine that you are now sitting in the sun of a warm day in the desert sniffing your shoes. Imagine saying, “So that is what Stephen's hypocrisy smells like. This must be the original, 100-proof stuff.”

    “It's just a question of whatever floats our boat, I guess.”

    My boat floats on whale shit.

    “she seems terrified of even the possibility of being a sociopath.” I guide you to a hippie song from about 1972,, one you can find on YouTube, performed by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks, “I scare myself.” Clinking on Dan Hicks I am disappointed to discover no evidence that he is a 'path. As far as I can see from his current web page, which displays him giving the finger and singing incoherent “scat jazz,” the gentleman is nothing more than a snile hippie who acidified his brains out decades ago. He will be performing in Alabama in a week or so if you want to tell him that someone is insulting him to a bunch of sociopaths today, 10/13/2014.”

  8. I told the therapist at my depression group, “I want to be tested to see if I am a psychopath.”

    She replied (I am condensing and translating into the language of this particular cohort), “When you were tested for senility, the psychologist tested you for being ASPD. You are not. You do give me a lot of shit, but I have a teenage daughter and run a therapy group for teenage girls. I eat this stuff for breakfast.

    I headed home, weeping into my coffee and lamenting (like so old coot doing a life term and needing to be put into isolation to protect him from the ignominy of young punks using his ass as a place to polish their shoes before kicking down doors), “My, how the mighty [in self delusion] have fallen.”

    1. haha omg this is so funny. Did I say I was taking a break from sociopathworld? Ok ok taking a break for reals now.

    2. No breaks doc. No no. Lol.

    3. @Dr. Ginger: It won't be the same without your venom, vitrol, and wit (mom was Hungarian - it makes sense to me... *smirk*).

      Enjoy hiatus! Peace!

    4. Say it isn't so, Dr. Ginger. Surely someone here has ways to make you want to stay.

  9. Angra Mainyu:

    “I don't see a conflict between avoiding the spotlight and being a sociopath.”

    It's kind of like the difference between being Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin as examples of sociopaths who insisted on being the center of attention, or Carlos the Jackal, Gary Ridgeway, or the Nizari Ismailis (a secret cult of Islamic Assassins from about the 12th Century). What is old is new. What is new is old.

  10. I am not supposed to tell you this. Yes. Feeble, I know. At my depression group I was mildly interested to meet a woman from my island, grieving the death of her son. I told her I was sorry to hear of her loss. (Apparently he was a drug addict who was found dead in the woods.) When I got home, my wife got a phone call from her older sister. One of her older brothers had just been found dead. Suffering from emphysema, he had been found dead on the streets after wandering away from home without his oxygen supply. Suicide? Probably.

    My wife wept for a minute or two, then bounced back. I think tha's perfectly appropriate and reassures me that she will not spend more than two minutes weeping for me. (I am three years older, and likely to plop first). But it's up to her. She knows I will mourn her passing (if she goes first) because she is an excellent cook and I can't cook with shit. So much for love.

    1. Lolol we will mourn for you and make sure your funeral has such good food in your honour of course.

      But stick around for awhile. :) Your funny!!

    2. I have a seriously awesome roast pork dish (Yucatan style!!!). If you can source the pork shoulder (...and I think you can...) and show me the way to an appropriately sized oven, I am so in! I'll even bring "The Unholy Spawn" so your boys can "teach them a thing or two." 8D~

  11. I have to push back a bit on the George Bush and Dick Cheney parallel -

    First, I'm independent with libertarian leanings (and a pragmatist) - so I'm not "grinding an axe" here.

    I saw GB as the distracting side show, which is what I see the office as for the most part, What made GB different, was he was more of a "clown" than a "leading man" (ala Obama). Having said that, it's not like DC was quiet - he and Rumsfeld were out there beating the drums of war (and making a tidy profit...just sayin!).

    While I agree in principal, I'm not sure THAT particular example holds up.

  12. Only the Paranoid SurviveOctober 13, 2014 at 6:27 PM

    The best way to spot a sociopath is by assuming that everyone is a sociopath until proven otherwise.

  13. Well, your comment certain matches the name you have given yourself!

    1. This was a reply for "Only The Paranoid Survive" @627pm. Of course ��.

    2. "Only the paranoid survive" is a stupid tag and a stupid slogan.

      First of all, "Nobody survives." We are animals with complex brains; product of evolution, in an (apparently) random and meaningless universe. We all die.

      Depending on where and when you are born, and all the random interactions with your environment and your heredity, you may die at the age of 1 day or 120 years old. You may be a totally innocent, optimistic, and trusting person and live to a 100 years old, or be murdered by a random burglar as my aunt Arlene was at the age of 19 or 20 in 1956 in Los Angeles. You may be a totally paranoid, suspicious and skillful soldier and live to be 100 or die at 15. Whatever you are, you screen name is simply stupid.

    3. Only the Paranoid SurviveOctober 14, 2014 at 7:08 AM

      Of course everyone will eventually die. You before me, especially if you are looking for trouble.

    4. Radical Agnostic, not trying to pick a fight here (unlike you it seems) but pretty soon you might be the only one left on this site. You seem to have way too much time in your hands.

      For all it's worth, I like the acronym "only the paranoid survive". It is humorous, a tad self deprecating, and frames the character as he wants to be seen. Same with radical agnostic, btw. I seem to remember a post of yours where you said you were a sociopath wannabe. That was funny. Good post. Another where you were apologizing to ME for taking all this space on her blog. Good one as well. Please take your own advice if you want people to pay attention to what you have to say.

      Also, just a suggestion. I have not read too many of your most recent posts, but from what I have seen, you are giving way too much information about yourself. A bit of paranoia might do you good. Peace.

  14. Problems with posting on this site aside, I'd like to add something to this thread, which I find interesting.

    First, to the reader. Don't knock yourself about fantasizing about murder. Just don't brood about it. Old & Wise is right: you are young and standing at the crossroads. I get the sense, by your reaching out, that you want to belong. You want to be known for what you are, without pretension and in all your glorious, ambivalent hate. To belong to something or someone you must surrender to love. First love yourself and then others. You can hate and love at the same time. Most people do that with nearly every breath they take; most simply don't admit it or worse, don't acknowledge it to themselves. I wish you the best.

    Quiet socios are everywhere. They are, after all, most likely to survive in plain sight.

    Cheny is definitely high on the spectrum. Micro expressions during various interviews, not to mention his cold rap, are a dead tell. There's a reason he's had myriad heart ops. His heart knows that millions have died and suffered due to his machinations in war and commerce.

    RA: I see that you are still gracing this site with your malevolent presence. Consistence is important. I'm impressed.

  15. To Old and Wise and June Harvey:

    I am a serial web site destroyer. Alternative explanations:

    The FBI/Homeland Security agents observing this site have picked up and arrested or neutralized the really malevolent and dangerous participants. Taking that a little further, M.E. is in fact the mistress of one of the most intricate, involved, and successful "sting operations" in American history.

    Over the next few years those tracking these things will notice a radical reduction in the number of homicides, frauds, robberies, and other sociopath-type crimes. Sleep easier, everyone.

    Alternative, there has been an unbelievable spontaneous decrease of the incidence of socipath/psychopath behavior in American society, even without depending on crime fighters and stings. Human beings are spontaneously improving.

    1. RA: You are too funny. Destroy away. As you yourself noted, you possess real little power to do either harm or good. Least for present.

      As for the FBI, NSA, whatever, they know who you and we are. So why sweat the small stuff? They don't have my pic, voice or walking gait to feed into their computers. Maybe yours. They do have my opinions. Which are writ large by the stars. Heh heh.

      Hope they don't have your pic. I want you to survive. Despite common sense. You're a treasure. Of sorts. Of what sorts, given your posts, matters not to me. You make me laugh. So I assume you're necessary.


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