Thursday, April 24, 2014

Thanks

My family has always been very supportive of me and whatever I've gotten myself up to. The book has been no exception. Some of my family members are supportive because they believe in "the cause" like I do, that sociopaths are often misunderstood, understudied, and that more can be done to integrate them better into society. More of my family are supportive just because they love me and want what is best. They love me for who I am, including the sociopathic traits. A few members of my family and some friends love me in spite of my sociopathic traits. They wish I could be different but they accept me as I am. I'm lucky that I don't really have family that have rejected me, just a few friends and colleagues.

For one of those middle category of family members, I send her an occasional email from people thanking me for the book and explaining that they found some explanation, solace, support, kinship, etc., or that the book otherwise helped them to better understand who they are and conceive of a better way to live based on their own specific situation. I send her these emails because she's interested in these people. Every time she gets one, she says she's surprised. I don't know why she's surprised and neither does she. I guess it's one thing to know someone who has been diagnosed as a sociopath yourself, but I think she is never expected that there are so many with all different backgrounds who read the book and identify with what I've written there. Or perhaps didn't think this type of people would find it helpful to read the experience and thoughts of others like them? Or maybe she believed that this type of people would not care enough about the experience to write me about it? So I keep sending her the emails periodically and she reads them and thinks the whole thing is fascinating, and I think her reactions are what is fascinating. I wonder if some of you would be surprised that rather than this being just a place for sociopaths to self-justify bad behavior, a lot of people are earnestly seeking to understand how/why they are different and how to do/be better at whatever it is that is important to them. Which is a very human experience and desire that I think almost anybody could identify with. 

But this the type of email that I will forward her, under the subject "A startling clarity, brought to me by you":

I've just finished your book, and felt the need to reach out to you because you've made yourself available, and because I found your story and message so engaging and refreshing. 

I appreciate what you've done. The "cause" as you call it, is greatly in need of individuals like you, who are willing to lay out their experience in hopes of allowing others to gain some perspective. I'm aware that you hear this often, but I found it quite satisfying to be able to stare, for a few minutes each day, at a few squiggles arranged and printed onto paper, and feel, suddenly, a sense of understanding I never imagined possible. I have never been able to relate, in earnest, my worldview and experience to anyone I've known in person. After reading your book, don't feel the need to. I understand what I am, and that I'm not alone. I don't necessarily feel a sense of belonging, but I do feel as though a veil has finally been pulled from my eyes. 

I won't bore to you the details of my life or my recent self-diagnosis, but I will say that I discovered you at the time in my life at which you were most needed. I have never looked to another human for direction, held a role model, or knelt to idols, but you should know that I have a curious reverence for you. 

I hoped you might be able to offer perspective on some things, not only as a sociopath, but as a functional and seemingly successful member of society. 

I want you all to know that I feel the same way reading the things that you choose to share, either by emailing or commenting on the blog. I feel like I've learned so much from reading your thoughts, either because I identify/agree with them or because I don't. I've changed my mind a lot over the past 5 years or so, which is one of the major reasons why I still love to do it. So thanks to everyone for what you do.

23 comments:

  1. This... This earnestness, I understand. Nothing makes me happier than those who force me to examine who I am and what I believe in. Nothing is more wonderful than that moment immediately after I've been proven wrong about something: a brief sting followed by a rush of "Well that's pretty fucking cool."

    Thanks to you, I guess, for writing this blog. It's been intriguing.

    -KB

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  2. I feel that a lot of what you say in the book can be experiences that a lot of people have to a degree. NTs and others.
    Eg. Some people may just have one or two traits they can relate to. Leaving people heartbroken, or not caring for animals, angry feelings. Etc.
    So it is all relatable.

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  3. Today marks my 56th birthday.
    I have never experienced the "glories" that M.E. and some
    higher functioning sociopaths have had.
    I'm absolutely delighted that M.E. has done so well for herself.
    Could we safely say that she is out "of the woods?" She seems to
    be liked and protected. She has a stash of funds. If she doesn't
    intimidate men with her sucess, she should do well in that area
    too.
    My only concern about her IS the men. More then one sociopath
    woman has been led astray by a sociopath man and into a jail cell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M.E. likes women too. Women are interesting and intriguing. I don't think she's in danger of hooking up with a sociopathic male. She's way to educated and sophisticated.

      Delete
    2. IF she did hook up with a sociopathic male; she would not become a victim. I think you can bank on that ~

      Delete
    3. in jail they put all the psychopaths in one zone because they cannot manipulate another psychopath
      and that's the same you get in a psychopath psychopath relationship

      Delete
  4. Nothing is more valuable than examining the forces that drive one's own perception, motivation, and behavior. Whether one is empathic, sociopathic, autistic, bipolar, borderline, schizoid, or any other artificial term used to describe a mindset different from one's own, all can benefit from introspection.

    The paradigm shift comes when you realize there is no such thing as an ordered mind. There is no normal to which drugs and/or therapy can return us. We've all done good things and bad things in our life, all for different reasons. No shock, no prod, no string of words is going to magically 'repair' what was never broken in the first place. All we can do is strive to take a measure of control over our thoughts, our actions, our lives, so that we can make them better for ourselves and everyone around us.

    That sounds too sappy, so I'll point out that being a massive dick/cunt can be a very enjoyable experience and should be sprinkled throughout our lives to make them a tad sweeter at times.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw shucks. ME, you don' gon' and made me blush
    No, but on a serious note I find you along with the others who comment on this blog intriguing. I think it's fun, humorous and interesting to see other sociopaths point of view, even on the most trivial things.

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  6. I strongly support your 'cause', and it's a good one. I hope other professionals take notice and start more research and studies to find ways to integrate those of us who are 'different'. Progress is being made, and you are part of the reason, so thank you too.

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  7. well said eric, last few lines gave me a good chuckle.
    ;)

    very nice m.e. i enjoy reading yr blog. something to ponder on. i was thinking, some call 'love' the greatest virtue of all, but in my world, i like to think the greatest virtue is acceptance. (i guess 'love' can expand from that).
    happy b'day anon 3:15. the older - the wiser in character - and probably the more good looking. embrace yr ageing experience and get out & celebrate.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think many of the commenters on the blog feel the same way. I do. I guess that many of us saw our own experiences mirrored in ME's writing. I did. And I learn a lot from the commenters here, as well, which I guess is why I keep coming back.

    ReplyDelete
  9. The book was a personally enlightening read. Seeing those thought processes mirrored provided a unique opportunity to look at personal thought processes from the perspective of another sociopath. It was quite useful to reflect on and understand better. It also gave a means of improving metacognition - to be more actively aware of how I thought influencing the minutae of how I act. Some people might object to the improvement of a facade/mask as "a good thing", but outrage aside I found it of substantial utility for even mundane interactions. Forgetting little things less often, because of being more actively aware, is surprisingly effective in interactions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I posted a reply to your question the other day about the trial process, although I'm not sure you will ever see it, buried under all of that TEEHEE nonsense.

      Delete
  10. the cause needs a ribben
    possably blood red

    ReplyDelete
  11. ME listen girl I can see you are hurting and that these posts symbolize you've stepped back from the edge, which breaks a pattern for what you would do in really hard situations like the fallout from the exposure obviously will be.
    But this approach here won't work darling...you know what happens when that point is passed and all trust collapses. Nothing works over that line. All you will get for this is digging yourself deeper in the hole. They're only going to be disturbed by the way you can turn the tap on. They're only going to be reminded of events before you came out, when they believed you but now they feel sure you were mocking them.

    The only thing that's going to feel real, to you....is fucking get ahead of them. Write an amusing novel, or if you're dry...get a ghost write and do a deal. Hell, I'll help you and I don't even like you.

    How about it's a story about girl a little bit like you, she creates a blog and writes a book, and in that moment of euphoria she comes out, and everything falls apart around her. She clings to her family which is what we all do when the cards are down...but her brother whom she loved the most of all cannot see her the same way any more. She sees it in his eyes. He doesn't come round any more. He never learned to drive and he couldn't more different to her..so scruffy, so not with it, so self conscious....so saving the world if only he could tie shoe laces. She loved him, she always drove on the Friday nights after the violin sessions - his..he played; so did she. but it ended late frday nights and she knew what he looked like on the street,,. So she always drove. Always outside when he came. never once missed it. But then when he read her blog and her book....and she waited outside...and he walked right past her and away, and she was psychopath but she wept against the wheel. And he got murdered in the street 1/2 mile up the road. They called it the tarrantino mutilation....for bearing striking resemblance to Quentin's most controversial scene in his most recent film. A huge debate about censorship had followed, and a source close to him revealed he'd kicked a lot of it off for publicity.

    So anyway......what she does is murder all the most controversial directors, exactly in the way of their controversial scenes,

    Blood and gore bitch! Then you can do exactly what you hated tarantino for doing in the book...kick off a load of debate. And then snitch on yourself. Oh loops and hypocrices and duplities...where does it end? They'll make movie about it. You'll be big. You'll have gone past them. They won't matter.

    Yeah...try to give me a piece of action when it comes around you shameless hussy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. p.s. I bet you anything all the directors will be up for it, and you'll have the top directors doing cameos for the murder scenes. Cut tarantinos ear off reservoir dogs.

      Delete
  12. I wonder if others do what I do, and check the posts from the past three days or so to see if there are any interesting replies. When I'm into this site, I'm really into it.

    Rather annoying that the TEEHEE person ruined any chance of discussion about today's post. I have a kitten named Dorian, and he's a real asshole. He's fucking adorable, though. He spends most of his time 'fucking with shit', as I like to put it. I guess some people are like that too, although they are probably far less adorable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MR 18yr old socio...

      I do that too. THIS. hah <:)

      Delete
    2. Me too. And yeah, I had some interesting stuff to add to that discussion. I went ahead and posted it, although I doubt anyone will ever see it.

      Delete
  13. More people need to be on http://sociopath-community.com/

    !!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Very interesting blog. Alot of blogs I see these days don't really provide anything that I'm interested in, but I'm most definately interested in this one. Just thought that I would post and let you know.
    juegos friv | juegos kizi | friv

    ReplyDelete

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